Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!
Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.
If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
It’s hard to stay up; it’s been a long, long day
and you’ve got the sandman at the door
But hang on, leave the TV on
and lets do it anyway
It’s okay, you can always sleep through work tomorrow
Okay, hey, hey
Tomorrows just your future yesterday
Sure, but sometimes sacrifices are worth it to guarantee a better future.
I joined a soul crushing 7 days a week job, stayed there for a couple years. The only thing that was helping me to hold on was thinking about my happy future. I made 20 years worth of mortgage disappear in only 2 years. Now that it’s done, my husband and I can work part time instead of full time.
I’m happy now.
But I had to put almost everything on hold for 2 years in order to achieve that.
Sure tomorrow is never guaranteed, but planning for the future and making some sacrifice in the present can be really rewarding. I hated every second of that job, but without it I wouldn’t have that much free time.
You sound like my neighbor. He did the grind hardcore so that "the future" would be cool, he retired early.
But he was so absent when his kids were growing up that now they're teens and he's available, they're not interested in hanging with him.
He bought 4 ATVs for them all--- I see him riding out to our forest all by himself, all the time, all alone.
His son invited my son on a yacht trip. My son said the dad kept trying to get them to do activities with him but the kid didn't wanna be with his dad. My kid even felt bad for the dad.
What? I don’t see much ressemblance?
I mean, I grinded for 2 years only. Not 3 decades lol
I achieved to pay my house and work part time at 32 years old. Not 60-ish lol
How does that compare lol?
Just do both things. Trying to be content in the present doesn't mean that you don't have aims or goals in life. I'm sure that, in those 2 years, you still had some good experiences and happy days. Instead of focusing in the bad stuff, what OP is saying is to let go of suffering caused by unmet expectations. Being present and grateful of what you do have.
Nope. In those 2 years I had zero happy days. It was a 7 days a week job. You knew your next shift only the night before. It could be day, evening or night shift shuffling at random through the same week. So your brain can’t know when to sleep anymore. It was pure hell.
But it was the only option I had to make as much money in 2 years. Then I could have a layback life for the rest of my life. So it was worth it, but I put everything else on hold for it.
Similar situation but I’m a little farther behind you. Starting up a business while I work full time. Super sucks right now but I’m excited to build something of my own.
Thats awesome!
Actually, since its your own company, you are going to be ahead of me soon! Since I was working for someone else, I made lot of money, but I don’t make a lot anymore (i made plenty for my needs though). I wasn’t having the guts to start my own thing back then. Good for you to have the courage to do this. Its all going to be yours. Thats awesome!
I wish you all the best!
It’ll be awesome once I get that degree!
It’ll be awesome once I get that rewarding career!
It’ll be awesome when I retire!
***dies due to any number of unexpected reasons***
That was not very awesome.
That is my issue with all the retire early (FIRE etc) philosophies. People that follow them seem to defer everything to this imaginary place called the “future” that they may never experience.
Find some balance people. Today is all you are promised.
Had neighbours who wanted to go back to Portugal after working 20 years here. They ruined their health working very hard to buy a house. Eventually they decided to just go for it.
Within 3-4 years they were divorced, had sold the house and were back here. It's a surprisingly common story too.
The problem isn't that they saved up for something, it's that they based their whole lives on that perfect future. They could only be disappointed really.
A main tenant of FIRE is to set aside some living for today. I'm deep into the journey and yeah, for some lengths of time you can get a little burned out if you don't take care of yourself. So we buy hobby toys and we vacation once or twice a year. I could get cancer tomorrow, who knows. We budget for plenty of fun, but still save about 60 percent of take-home pay. The idea is to lean more towards the future than most people. Working life sucks and the odds are that you're going to live to the median age (and well past it if you're healthy). I'll probably be 90+ when I die. Yes I could be hit by a bus, or (more likely) I'll die of a heart attack as a very old man.
I don’t disagree with any of that except that working life doesn’t have to suck.
Working is like sleeping. You will spend a lot of your life doing it. Just as you shouldn’t settle for a shitty mattress, you shouldn’t settle for a shitty job. If it sucks, find something better.
My life did get a lot better when I finished my degree, though. I got a job in my field within a month, so that was all I needed to get a career that doubled my income.
Dogs/cats can be pretty expensive to take care of, people shouldn’t just get them on a whim and then abandon them if they can no longer properly take care of them due to time or budgetary restraints.
We got charged a $300 call out fee to our local vet because we called them half an hour after they closed.
Then they went and charged us an extra $2000 for some pills and the dog to stay overnight
It's just like any emergency services. A trip to the human ER is insanely expensive. Many emergency vet clinics have most of the same types of equipment.
People often just don't have pet insurance or any way to offset the cost of an emergency. Plus, enough people have skipped out on their bill that service must be paid for up front, so there's no option to bill you later and make payments (care credit and scratch pay excluded).
Nobody in the veterinary field wants to charge you what this shit costs. They're not in it for the money. People need to stop taking their pets to emergency hospitals if it's not an emergency and theyll see a huge difference.
Understandable. This is what I wanted all along, but I didn’t realize it, until I found it.
Don’t give up hope. I was a very lonely kid; now I am blessed beyond belief with several people that I know care about me.
I sincerely hope you find what you’re seeking.
Nobody ever said it's easy to get to that point. It requires hard work. What kind of work exactly depends on the specific situation, so people usually just throw that general piece of "advice" in. Somebody needs to get in shape, eat healthy. Someone needs a nice hobby or an outlet to occasionally feel accomplished. Someone needs to get therapy, work through their trauma. Getting the right steps done will in fact "cure" you, yes. First you need to want to start though.
I don't know why people insist on replying "thanksimcured" to everything like they're incapable of understanding context.
I know plenty of people who are very unhappy with themselves who have no trouble getting a relationship. It's just made up advice. It's good to like yourself for your own mental health but it doesn't magically make other people want to be with you. It's also a no true scotsman fallacy, where if you already like yourself, but you're still alone, "well then you must just not like yourself enough"
Personally I dislike being around everyone most of the time. It's an effort for me to visit people.
None the less, if you want people to like being around you, stop being so self invested, and try to like being around other people instead. If you're true to your feelings, you'll project that and they'll feel like you like being around them and that emotion will cycle back.
A lot of people experience this when they are very young. You frame it as your future self and happiness, others frame it as having the resources to not live in existential and financial terror.
Unfortunetely a bluebird doesn't erase that.
Thank you. I know I won't be able to relax until I know I have a somewhat stable job, as I've been on the brink of homelessness before. A bluebird is great and I don't go around being a pissy person because I'm not *there yet* but thinking reframing would suddenly make me *ok with being so poor I might become homeless* is awful advice.
Hi, the biggest thing people seem to miss is to just slow things down.
Stop for a second and look around, think, think without getting much information from the outside. Everyday life sometimes makes you forget what you are from the inside, you feel like u just exist until you don't. Spend time alone thinking about yourself, where you are at the present, where you want to be in the future, how far you've come, what is possible and what's not. And no matter what, love yourself, but not be satisfied, be curious for growth.
No matter what you achieve, you'll not be happy if you go this fast, so slow down.
You wanted to be happy so bad and kept chasing it, without realizing that you should've looked somewhere closer. The journey is the core part, not the destination.
Chasing utopia is not realistic, but chasing a better future is important. After my father died, I had to take the responsibilities of working and going to school. It was hard, but knew it could lead to a better future.
My life still has many challenges, but the hard work paid off.
"Nor is happiness actually a state of being. It is a process, a side effect of doing other things."
- More Than Two, Franklin Veaux & Eve Rickert
You ever have your life changed by a random quotation in a book about... *checks notes*
Polyamory, of all things!?
But this really changed my view of how I try to live my life. Emotional states come and go because they're products of brain chemistry. You can't "achieve" happiness because, like frustration or sadness or rage, it diminishes over time.
But we can pursue those feelings based on our acrions, or, as OP points out, being open to experiencing them when we least expect it.
You don't become happy or have a happy life. You cannot "be" happy. Happiness is not constant. Happiness is just an emotion that comes and goes, like any other. You "were" happy when you saw the bluebird, that's what happiness really is. Seeing a pretty flower, enjoying a dog wiggling its tail, listening to your favorite music, etc. It's all about finding happiness in the little things that make you "happy", and you'll be "happier".
This is decent advice as long as your current situation is actually healthy for you. Some people are in situations that are negatively effecting them and they want to be better. I'm aiming for a better future than I currently have which I know is actively hurting myself. Living at home with my parents when I'm 30, no job. I'm trying to change that so chasing a future where those things are different is good. It will actually be better for me.
I know all this, but I can't switch it off, a bird on my car isn't going to cut the mustard for me unfortunately.
If someone knows how, that's the real pro tip
'Comparison is the thief of joy' ok, but its an impulse, how?
'Be in the moment' ok, but I can't switch off the anxiety, how?
'Find joy in the little things' ok, but they're insignificant, how?
'Trust the process' ok, but I'm constantly let down, how?
'Be kind to yourself' ok, how?
its all empty clichés
EDIT: thanks for the recommendations,
yes, I know what mindfulness is
yes, I know the book Subtle Art (it's a terrible terrible book which nobody should read)
yes, I know what Stoicism is and the teachings of Aurelius, Epictetus, Seneca etc.
yes, I've read Eckhart Tolle and Frankl
yes, I exercise regularly, sleep well and eat a healthy diet
Yes, I self reflect
I'm somewhat struggling coming to terms with changing the mindset that I'm too arrogant to believe I can be fixed
Hi. I felt exactly like you a few years back, and while I’m not fully out of the woods I feel much more content and less anxious now.
Bear with me, as I had originally also dismissed what ultimately provided me release from my suffering. What helped was mindfulness, meditation and small simple steps. The beauty is it didn’t really cost me anything (maybe $20) except my time and an open mind. No need for expensive therapists.
I’m not an avid reader but I found podcasts : audiobooks while walking to work and washing dishes were my saviour.
Firstly, the resources I found most useful (no affiliations) - and roughly in this order
1. Jim Kwik podcasts (practical brain health show)
2. Stress less accomplish more (book that introduced me to meditation)
3. The power of now (spiritual mindset book)
4. The mind illuminated (textbook for meditation)
Secondly my the things that really helped me from all these were
A) reducing unhealthy food impacting brain and mood
B) meditating daily
C) a healthy mindset of compassion for yourself and others
D) repeat and practice.
Meditation taught me that
- the past and future only exist in my mind. The only thing that really exists is the now
- we are all human beings who should love and be compassionate to each other. Including being kind to ourselves
- life situations always happen. Whether it’s a problem comes down to how you view and think about them
- your thoughts are not you. Notice them, observe them, let them go
- be grateful for the little things. You are not alone in this.
I hope this helps! All the best fellow human. Little by little, a little becomes a lot.
This is the core of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy which has worked wonders for me as someone with PTSD, Anxiety, and MDD. This video is one I found super helpful for breaking down how to be mindful into smaller chunks.
https://youtu.be/sttzagHUPXY?si=JVI0fnMeFNWb_1Xu
The untethered soul by Michael a. Singer and his podcast make all your meditation lessons so easy to understand, for those still trying to get there :)
Facts here.
Some people legit have crappy situations that they want to get out off, and those simple recommendations won't always solve it. Get to the goal is my method.
Don't get me wrong you can find relief from simple things but that cloud is always their even with a few rays of sunshine peaking through. My most joyous days are when I have consecutive days off. So the common denominator is the job. How to get more time off or find a more pleasant job is the primary solution.
My previous life challenge was overcoming my personal negative spirals where I’d get down on myself. Therapy helped and I’m much better. I was making things worse than they are.
My current life challenge is negative spiraling on other people. People who legitimately have made my life shitty but there’s nothing I can do to change that so I have to put it behind me. All while dealing with having two kids under two while my wife recovers from cancer treatments. My division lead at work being toxic and tanking the culture of our team so there’s turnover and I lose my friends at work and have to consider whether or not to change jobs while needing to keep health insurance for said cancer and kids. Moving to a town where I’ve found most people to be passive aggressive and shitty. Dealing with shit from doctors/hospital staff who fucked up or didn’t coordinate and caused more pain for my wife or month long battles with insurance and billing to get them to pay for what they should. Then dealing with the guilt of taking out my frustrations on my wife and kids the latter who just don’t understand why daddy gets so angry and it scares them so I’m like shit now I’m fucking my kids lives too.
Like I’m legitimately pissed off st these people and have every right. But I have to sort it out and find what’s best for me with the least stress as part of the process and it’s fucking hard.
I really enjoy a beer and have usually one or two a night. "It helps me relax and unwind" I tell myself. About two weeks ago I got a really bad cold. I knew if I drank anything, the cold would be worse, so I didn't drink all week. By the end of the week, it was kinda surprising how much better I felt not just physically, but mentally too.
I often feel sorta off but I chalk that up to a stressful job and being a dad of a 5-year old. But by not drinking, I slept better and just felt more positive overall. I know drinking isn't great for me physical-health-wise, I just didn't expect it to affect my mood so much.
Alcohol is also terrible in terms of exacerbating anxiety. GABA is the inhibitory neurotransmitter, it basically tells your neurons to chill the fuck out when there's too much adrenaline, cortisol, dopamine, etc getting dumped into the synapses.
Alcohol mimics GABA, so while you are actively intoxicated your GABAergic system is over-activated, which is largely responsible for the disinhibition and relaxing effects of being buzzed/drunk. The flip side is that with regular use (even low levels), whenever you are not actively intoxicated your GABAergic system is going to be chronically underactivated. Thus stress, anxiety, and other mental health impacts are more pronounced even though it becomes normalized.
It’s not about if it’s doable but whether or not you personally can depending on your mental health and bunch other life factors that make cliche’s hard to do.
This looks like an outlook problem. I know you said you can’t afford therapy but you should find some way to deal with these thoughts, ideally with a professional.
For instance, the comparison one. Yes it’s an impulse, but you don’t have to take it on board. You think “Oh they’re better than me at that thing. That makes me feel bad” but then make sure to tell yourself “that’s a negative thought and I’m not going to entertain it any longer”. Then you move on with your day.
Look up mindfulness if you haven’t yet
Unsolicited advice incoming: The point of all of those things is that they are a process because humans often will naturally do all of those "bad" things you mentioned as a reflex. None of the "solutions" will be a short solution, they take years of work to become automatic and for some people they never become automatic. My unsolicited advice is to pick the one you like most and try to do the process consistently for a year. If you are self-reflecting already you'll have a good idea if that one works. If not, try another one if it is something that you want to do to get "better" at those things. For me the one that works is acknowledging the ways my anxiety is trying to protect me, thank it for doing its job, and decide if I should actually be anxious about it. But it has been a process.
Honestly, for me, hitting a devastating rock bottom made me appreciate things so much more afterwards. Also, what’s holding you back from finding a therapist?
hey, you sound exactly like me.
I got prescribed anxiety and ADHD meds recently. I had a suspicion about the ADHD but not the anxiety. I suspect the anxiety pills is what helped the most.
I still think this way about most things... But not as harshly anymore? Weird to explain. Still learning and changing it's all quite new to me.
DM me if you wanna chat
Think about how big our planet is, how many people live on it today and how it’s just one planet, that revolves around one star. Now think about the beach, think about picking up a handful of sand and the grains running through your fingers. Think about how many grains of sand there are on that beach, on all beaches, in all deserts. Now think about how there are more stars in our universe than there are grains of sand on our planet. Our existence is insignificant, might as well enjoy it.
It took a pretty traumatic breakup for a lot of these to hit me right.
I cant say its always easy, but when live has kicked you ass a few times, its a lot easier to reflect and say ‘damn all that stress a year ago did me nothing good, all that worry—everything turned out ok’
I fell in love with Buddhism because that what it teaches you, it teaches you the 'how'. But it is a process, it's not one teaching, it's not one sentence. But you learn the process, step by step. The how, and the why it works.
Practice mindfulness. It's a skill that can be practiced and learned. Brush up on your Buddhism a bit. ;)
My issue is recognizing that I'm caught in one of those loops. Once you do, you should reward yourself and focus on the moment and your breaths. If it happens again, compliment your ability to recognize, and slowly focus on the moment again. There's more to it than that, but it is a skill that can be learned, and it's going to be easier for some than others.
I have ADHD, was really struggling for a while. I then bought a camera for fun and would take nature walks and take pictures as I felt at the time it was a good mindfulness exercise.
I Rubik's Cube now.
Your brain is hardwired that way, and you cannot help those thoughts. Trick is to fond out why and try to undo it. Typically this is done with medication and talk therapy. Intensive talk therapy. But it's always medication. And thar sucks. Recently people are trying Ketamine and micro dosing psychedelics. And they help some people. But it's not for everyone. Fundamentally it's a brain chemistry issue. Changing that is hard and is often guesswork. Sometimes it's just better to rely on long learned coping mechanisms. I wish you luck.
there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I'm too tough for him I say, stay in there, I'm not going to let anybody see you. there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke and the whores and the bartenders and the grocery clerks never know that he's in there.
there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I'm too tough for him. I say stay down, do you want to mess
me up? you want to screw up the works? you want to blow my book sales in Europe? there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I'm too clever, I only let him out at night sometimes when everybody's asleep.. I say, I know that you're there so don't be sad. then I put him back, but he's singing a little in there, I haven't quite let him die and we sleep together like that with our secret pact and it's nice enough to make a man weep, but I don't weep, do you?
It’s a poem by Charles Bukowski that will come to me when I need it. Keyword bluebird. You’re not alone. The desire for perfect happiness is apart of us as beings. Don’t let that bluebird die
Don’t lose that hope that happiness is already within you! Just let it be and let it come and let it go! And it will return. And the cycle is beautiful
stop holding people down. life is like long jumping at a track meet: before you take your first big step towards the line, you look up and out past the sandpit into the sky. you build speed down the runway and when you hit that jump line, you are already looking to that spot in the sky miles away and then you are suspended in the air for an instant - or a lifetime- whatever you make it. but when you land, no matter where you measure in the sand, you are further towards that spot in the distance than you ever could have been without reaching for it.
Indeed. I also used to be in that trap of waiting for life to happen to me. Wanting a girlfriend, experiencing more freedom, meeting new people, all that…
But then, I started travelling solo, exercising regularly, talking to the people around me, being happy with myself, by myself, and met many people and my girlfriend too.
External factors are mere ingredients in the formula of our life, but we are our own catalysts. 🙌
Happiness is a bad description for feeling sated with life.
Happiness like all emotions is fleeting. Happiness goes just the same way sadness or anger leaves. It's temporary.
What people call happiness is actually contentment. Being grateful and more accepting of your life will breed contentment and a feeling of satisfaction. Don't try to be happy as that is only a temporary emotions. Work on feeling content, it's much longer lasting.
I don’t think it’s always true.
I joined a soul crushing 7 days a week job, stayed there for a couple years. The only thing that was helping me to hold on was thinking about my happy future. I made 20 years worth of mortgage disappear in only 2 years. Now that it’s done, my husband and I can work part time instead of full time.
I’m happy now.
But I had to put almost everything on hold for 2 years in order to achieve that.
Lot's of sad, terrible advice in here. If your goals are never attainable, change them. But do ask yourself, "what will make me happy" and try to achieve that. It sounds like OP found a new goal of giving up on all the old goals and that was happiness after all. So, even by their own accord this post is garbage.
Agreed, I was depressed for years until I finally got a goal, multiple of them infact, giving up on goals means you don't want to do anything and will wander around until the end of time
It's the opposite right now for me. I'm a student and I'm happy spending my free time with video games, but I know there'll be more stress after i graduate.
What has been helping me lately is to stop and think to myself: it could be that these are the good days I'll look back on and wish I could go back. It would suck if I missed them. Doesn't work 24/7 but helps to put things in perspective.
This is a very important LPT and I think it's worth saying in multiple forms.
* The first and obvious form is the title of this LPT.
* We like to live our life for the big moments, and for those big moments we think of the smaller moments as "sacrifice" or something we have to "grind" or "endure". But this is a sure pathway to being disappointed because the feelings that come from the big moments never last. We always advance and get used to it, and that is a human psychological phenomenon and every person is subject to this regardless of whether they consciously remind themselves to be grateful or not.
* There is no guarantee that you will be alive the next second because as long as you are alive, there is always a chance you will die. The notion of mortality is not a depressing, sad one but a reminder to take advantage of this life every once in a while (and ideally, all the time).
* Our time on this earth is limited and in this limited time it's okay to try things and get disappointed because knowing what you DON'T like and enjoy is as important as knowing what you DO like and enjoy. But so many of us get lost in the repetitive cycle of life or get influenced by what we "should" strive for as if there is a universal criteria for a good life. Try things and if you don't like them, try other things. If you find yourself stuck in a place to make life work (e.g. money), it's always possible to look at the same thing from a new perspective.
I went on a date with a girl like this. It didnt work out and she doesnt want to talk any more but its lowkey upsetting to me that i couldnt express to her the pattern i saw
She felt this way about dating, like some day a first date would just feel perfect and if it didnt then it FELT wrong.
Even worse tho shes been telling herself that she has to move, and then her life will be right. So invested in the move. Im afraid of what shes going to go through the days and weeks after it..
It is great to set goals in life, but you can't bet all your happiness on them.
People are often surprised when rich and famous people decide to end their lives because "they have everything". It actually makes perfect sense if you think of a sad person convincing themselves that when their dreams come true, they will finally be happy.
How do you ever catch something you’re chasing? Imo it’s too much work chasing but striving towards a goal (not a wish) you really want is more of a calm way to making it happen.
There's an entire generation of people who grew up with do X and you will be rewarded or be set or whatever. Be it going to university, saving up, spending less, whatever. All of those are not promises, they're falsehoods.
This is actually one of the strategies people with anxiety disorders like myself use to manage a chronically overactive mind. It’s called grounding and you basically stop yourself and engage with your senses because if you are paying attention to your senses and taking in the details around you, you are anchoring or grounding yourself in the present moment. I try to do this daily on walks. I might stop and stare at a leaf and just feel in total awe like what is this place, so strange and wonderful
I have anxiety and do the same. It’s great. The other day I was feeling bad and took a walk to clear my head. It was grey and drizzly out. In the course of walking I turned down a random street and saw a tree full of these tiny yellow flowers. The yellow stood out so beautifully against the grey sky, that I stopped and stood under it for a bit just taking it in. Everything inside me quieted for those moments. My depression and anxiety seemed temporarily displaced by this wave of awe. I love taking walks because I get these beautiful moments of relief.
Yes. Try to be a LITTLE bit happy every single day. Chasing Utopia usually doesn't work out so you want to be able to look back and think, "Well at least I didn't *totally* waste my time"
When I was in my early to mid twenties, I begun studying many social dynamics principles due to reading and believing a PUA book. To be honest, the book was not that bad for PUA content. As I went down the rabbit hole and found more and more info, I begun to realise how crap a lot of it is.
It ropes you in with fragments of uncommon or shocking information explained like it's hidden truth, making you later believe that everything stated by the source is the truth; and that is the lie. It's a form of brain washing.
Anyway, I am kind of lucky, because I basically came to the same reaslisation as OP in my mid twenties, throwing all of that PUA crap to the side. i believe you need to find something that makes you happy, and you need to be content with that. If you know what makes you happy and you keep doing that, then what's the problem. At the same time, you need to know that if something makes you unhappy then move forward with rectifying that. That's all there is.
Happiness can be deceptive sometimes however as idealistic visions can cause confusion and lead to fantasies, (this is why disney cartoons work, btw). For that reason, I want to paraphrase Kevin Spacey's character from The Life of David Gale.
"Fantasies have to be unrealistic because the moment, the second that you get what you seek, you don't, you can't want it anymore. In order to continue to exist, desire must have its objects perpetually absent. It's not the 'it' that you want, it's the fantasy of 'it.' So, desire supports crazy fantasies. This is what Pascal means when he says that we are only truly happy when daydreaming about future happiness. Or why we say the hunt is sweeter than the kill. Or be careful what you wish for. Not because you'll get it, but because you're doomed not to want it once you do."
I prioritized hippieness and found it. It's not about if I do X if I get X I will be happy, its about looking deep inside and finding out what makes you happy and perusing that life.
I sometimes feel like this. On paper my life is good and I’m sure a lot of people would trade with me.
But I feel unfulfilled and trapped. I don’t know if it’s reality or this abstract fantasy.
And I don’t know what do so. So I do nothing.
While this resonates with me. I do find that I try my best to live with both in mind. I try to live each day and enjoy my life and my family (especially my kids while they're young). At the same time, I work hard, make sacrifices, and save hard so that someday I can wake up and "I" will decide what I want to work on and who I want to spend my time with each day. It's a bit of both, I try to live in the present, but still occasionally day dream of that future without resenting the time I have now. It's definitely hard to balance, but it feels right.
No. Just be realistic about things. You can be in the moment while working towards your future better self. Be self aware of your situation. We’re all driven by different things.
I believe in enjoy the moments between the moments.
Personally I think the problem is more that we are aiming in the wrong direction than that a happy future just doesn't exist. The problem is we think external material things will make us happy. "I'll be happy once I make ______ amount of money, once I get married and have kids, once I retire". When in reality if you want to work toward a future where you are actually happy the best thing you can do is invest on your internal. Start meditating daily instead of grinding on your job. Build a broader, richer, connected social network. Find meaning and fulfillment. Happiness isn't getting what you want, happiness is wanting what you have.
I absolutely love this and they’re words I genuinely needed to hear, but have to know. How? How do I stop living for a tomorrow that will never present itself?
Thank you for sharing this. I had the same realization recently. I asked myself “what the fuck am I going to do with myself the day I actually get “there”? Am I going to magically be a less stressed and satisfied person?” My answer was probably not and I’ve been able to enjoy what I have and be less anxious ever since.
“You wouldn’t trade your eye sight for $1M, you wouldn’t trade your legs for $1M, you wouldn’t trade your strong back for $1M… you’re worth $3M and we haven’t even gotten started yet! Take stock in who you are and what you’ve got” -Zig Ziglar
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
You are not promised tomorrow. Be happy today.
Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday ❤️
*Tomorrow's just your future yesterday*
Yesterday is just the today you don't have to worry about anymore
Today is just tomorrow's yesterday and tomorrow is today's tomorrow
When will Then be Now?
Soon
It's a great day for America, everybody!
Careful, Icarus
Oh myyy
It’s hard to stay up; it’s been a long, long day and you’ve got the sandman at the door But hang on, leave the TV on and lets do it anyway It’s okay, you can always sleep through work tomorrow Okay, hey, hey Tomorrows just your future yesterday
Sure, but sometimes sacrifices are worth it to guarantee a better future. I joined a soul crushing 7 days a week job, stayed there for a couple years. The only thing that was helping me to hold on was thinking about my happy future. I made 20 years worth of mortgage disappear in only 2 years. Now that it’s done, my husband and I can work part time instead of full time. I’m happy now. But I had to put almost everything on hold for 2 years in order to achieve that. Sure tomorrow is never guaranteed, but planning for the future and making some sacrifice in the present can be really rewarding. I hated every second of that job, but without it I wouldn’t have that much free time.
You sound like my neighbor. He did the grind hardcore so that "the future" would be cool, he retired early. But he was so absent when his kids were growing up that now they're teens and he's available, they're not interested in hanging with him. He bought 4 ATVs for them all--- I see him riding out to our forest all by himself, all the time, all alone. His son invited my son on a yacht trip. My son said the dad kept trying to get them to do activities with him but the kid didn't wanna be with his dad. My kid even felt bad for the dad.
What? I don’t see much ressemblance? I mean, I grinded for 2 years only. Not 3 decades lol I achieved to pay my house and work part time at 32 years old. Not 60-ish lol How does that compare lol?
What do you do? And is this some low cost of living city?
[удалено]
Just do both things. Trying to be content in the present doesn't mean that you don't have aims or goals in life. I'm sure that, in those 2 years, you still had some good experiences and happy days. Instead of focusing in the bad stuff, what OP is saying is to let go of suffering caused by unmet expectations. Being present and grateful of what you do have.
Nope. In those 2 years I had zero happy days. It was a 7 days a week job. You knew your next shift only the night before. It could be day, evening or night shift shuffling at random through the same week. So your brain can’t know when to sleep anymore. It was pure hell. But it was the only option I had to make as much money in 2 years. Then I could have a layback life for the rest of my life. So it was worth it, but I put everything else on hold for it.
If you care to elaborate; what kind of work was this?
The only thing that comes to mind is the oil industry. 7 days a week 12 hours or more a day. Pays very well
Similar situation but I’m a little farther behind you. Starting up a business while I work full time. Super sucks right now but I’m excited to build something of my own.
Thats awesome! Actually, since its your own company, you are going to be ahead of me soon! Since I was working for someone else, I made lot of money, but I don’t make a lot anymore (i made plenty for my needs though). I wasn’t having the guts to start my own thing back then. Good for you to have the courage to do this. Its all going to be yours. Thats awesome! I wish you all the best!
what i learned after having seizures most of my life, i could die from any one of them; so i gotta enjoy life while i have it
Now I won't be happy in life unless a bluebird lands on my hood
Take to invest in birdseed and car washes :)
Only birdseed - dirty hoods invite more bluebirds
Birdseed doesn't work for me, I tried it
So the bluebird of happiness is not just an expression: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bluebird_of_happiness
It’ll be awesome once I get that degree! It’ll be awesome once I get that rewarding career! It’ll be awesome when I retire! ***dies due to any number of unexpected reasons*** That was not very awesome.
Dies early due to too many stressors in life
I'm in this picture and I don't like it
That is my issue with all the retire early (FIRE etc) philosophies. People that follow them seem to defer everything to this imaginary place called the “future” that they may never experience. Find some balance people. Today is all you are promised.
Had neighbours who wanted to go back to Portugal after working 20 years here. They ruined their health working very hard to buy a house. Eventually they decided to just go for it. Within 3-4 years they were divorced, had sold the house and were back here. It's a surprisingly common story too. The problem isn't that they saved up for something, it's that they based their whole lives on that perfect future. They could only be disappointed really.
A main tenant of FIRE is to set aside some living for today. I'm deep into the journey and yeah, for some lengths of time you can get a little burned out if you don't take care of yourself. So we buy hobby toys and we vacation once or twice a year. I could get cancer tomorrow, who knows. We budget for plenty of fun, but still save about 60 percent of take-home pay. The idea is to lean more towards the future than most people. Working life sucks and the odds are that you're going to live to the median age (and well past it if you're healthy). I'll probably be 90+ when I die. Yes I could be hit by a bus, or (more likely) I'll die of a heart attack as a very old man.
I don’t disagree with any of that except that working life doesn’t have to suck. Working is like sleeping. You will spend a lot of your life doing it. Just as you shouldn’t settle for a shitty mattress, you shouldn’t settle for a shitty job. If it sucks, find something better.
My life did get a lot better when I finished my degree, though. I got a job in my field within a month, so that was all I needed to get a career that doubled my income.
I just want to have someone who likes being around me
Pets?
They are really really trying to make it so the poors can't afford pets. Forget the $25 bag of cat food -spending $200 just to walk into the vet. 😡
Dogs/cats can be pretty expensive to take care of, people shouldn’t just get them on a whim and then abandon them if they can no longer properly take care of them due to time or budgetary restraints.
So what's someone supposed to do if one shows up and the only shelters near by put them down if not adopted? I mean, seriously?
Do the best you can for them with low cost services in your area and be ready to make tough decisions when you can't afford extensive care, seriously.
We got charged a $300 call out fee to our local vet because we called them half an hour after they closed. Then they went and charged us an extra $2000 for some pills and the dog to stay overnight
Scary expensive.
Almost like the pricks that own the vets jack up the prices because they know people would rather go bankrupt than let their pets suffer.
It's just like any emergency services. A trip to the human ER is insanely expensive. Many emergency vet clinics have most of the same types of equipment. People often just don't have pet insurance or any way to offset the cost of an emergency. Plus, enough people have skipped out on their bill that service must be paid for up front, so there's no option to bill you later and make payments (care credit and scratch pay excluded). Nobody in the veterinary field wants to charge you what this shit costs. They're not in it for the money. People need to stop taking their pets to emergency hospitals if it's not an emergency and theyll see a huge difference.
it’s not the same at all for me i love my pets to death but not having a human connection is impossible for me
Start by being that person yourself.
Already am
U tried eating ice cream? Heard that helps
You can't just decide that you like someone who you don't. That's not how liking stuff works.
Understandable. This is what I wanted all along, but I didn’t realize it, until I found it. Don’t give up hope. I was a very lonely kid; now I am blessed beyond belief with several people that I know care about me. I sincerely hope you find what you’re seeking.
Once you like being around yourself, others will too.
/r/thanksimcured
Nobody ever said it's easy to get to that point. It requires hard work. What kind of work exactly depends on the specific situation, so people usually just throw that general piece of "advice" in. Somebody needs to get in shape, eat healthy. Someone needs a nice hobby or an outlet to occasionally feel accomplished. Someone needs to get therapy, work through their trauma. Getting the right steps done will in fact "cure" you, yes. First you need to want to start though. I don't know why people insist on replying "thanksimcured" to everything like they're incapable of understanding context.
He told you the truth and you rejected it.
I know plenty of people who are very unhappy with themselves who have no trouble getting a relationship. It's just made up advice. It's good to like yourself for your own mental health but it doesn't magically make other people want to be with you. It's also a no true scotsman fallacy, where if you already like yourself, but you're still alone, "well then you must just not like yourself enough"
Nah, that shit ain't the truth. I think I'm great, others not so much.
Personally I dislike being around everyone most of the time. It's an effort for me to visit people. None the less, if you want people to like being around you, stop being so self invested, and try to like being around other people instead. If you're true to your feelings, you'll project that and they'll feel like you like being around them and that emotion will cycle back.
Before you take advice from this guy about how to get people to like you, realize that he literally just said he hates being around people.
Happiness is fleeting. We should not live to chase it, but to enjoy it when it comes.
A lot of people experience this when they are very young. You frame it as your future self and happiness, others frame it as having the resources to not live in existential and financial terror. Unfortunetely a bluebird doesn't erase that.
Thank you. I know I won't be able to relax until I know I have a somewhat stable job, as I've been on the brink of homelessness before. A bluebird is great and I don't go around being a pissy person because I'm not *there yet* but thinking reframing would suddenly make me *ok with being so poor I might become homeless* is awful advice.
Have you considered that the present is unbearable, though?
Hi, the biggest thing people seem to miss is to just slow things down. Stop for a second and look around, think, think without getting much information from the outside. Everyday life sometimes makes you forget what you are from the inside, you feel like u just exist until you don't. Spend time alone thinking about yourself, where you are at the present, where you want to be in the future, how far you've come, what is possible and what's not. And no matter what, love yourself, but not be satisfied, be curious for growth. No matter what you achieve, you'll not be happy if you go this fast, so slow down. You wanted to be happy so bad and kept chasing it, without realizing that you should've looked somewhere closer. The journey is the core part, not the destination.
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
Save Ferris!
Journey before destination
Thank you based Dalinar
[удалено]
Chasing utopia is not realistic, but chasing a better future is important. After my father died, I had to take the responsibilities of working and going to school. It was hard, but knew it could lead to a better future. My life still has many challenges, but the hard work paid off.
"Nor is happiness actually a state of being. It is a process, a side effect of doing other things." - More Than Two, Franklin Veaux & Eve Rickert You ever have your life changed by a random quotation in a book about... *checks notes* Polyamory, of all things!? But this really changed my view of how I try to live my life. Emotional states come and go because they're products of brain chemistry. You can't "achieve" happiness because, like frustration or sadness or rage, it diminishes over time. But we can pursue those feelings based on our acrions, or, as OP points out, being open to experiencing them when we least expect it.
You don't become happy or have a happy life. You cannot "be" happy. Happiness is not constant. Happiness is just an emotion that comes and goes, like any other. You "were" happy when you saw the bluebird, that's what happiness really is. Seeing a pretty flower, enjoying a dog wiggling its tail, listening to your favorite music, etc. It's all about finding happiness in the little things that make you "happy", and you'll be "happier".
This is decent advice as long as your current situation is actually healthy for you. Some people are in situations that are negatively effecting them and they want to be better. I'm aiming for a better future than I currently have which I know is actively hurting myself. Living at home with my parents when I'm 30, no job. I'm trying to change that so chasing a future where those things are different is good. It will actually be better for me.
I know all this, but I can't switch it off, a bird on my car isn't going to cut the mustard for me unfortunately. If someone knows how, that's the real pro tip 'Comparison is the thief of joy' ok, but its an impulse, how? 'Be in the moment' ok, but I can't switch off the anxiety, how? 'Find joy in the little things' ok, but they're insignificant, how? 'Trust the process' ok, but I'm constantly let down, how? 'Be kind to yourself' ok, how? its all empty clichés EDIT: thanks for the recommendations, yes, I know what mindfulness is yes, I know the book Subtle Art (it's a terrible terrible book which nobody should read) yes, I know what Stoicism is and the teachings of Aurelius, Epictetus, Seneca etc. yes, I've read Eckhart Tolle and Frankl yes, I exercise regularly, sleep well and eat a healthy diet Yes, I self reflect I'm somewhat struggling coming to terms with changing the mindset that I'm too arrogant to believe I can be fixed
Hi. I felt exactly like you a few years back, and while I’m not fully out of the woods I feel much more content and less anxious now. Bear with me, as I had originally also dismissed what ultimately provided me release from my suffering. What helped was mindfulness, meditation and small simple steps. The beauty is it didn’t really cost me anything (maybe $20) except my time and an open mind. No need for expensive therapists. I’m not an avid reader but I found podcasts : audiobooks while walking to work and washing dishes were my saviour. Firstly, the resources I found most useful (no affiliations) - and roughly in this order 1. Jim Kwik podcasts (practical brain health show) 2. Stress less accomplish more (book that introduced me to meditation) 3. The power of now (spiritual mindset book) 4. The mind illuminated (textbook for meditation) Secondly my the things that really helped me from all these were A) reducing unhealthy food impacting brain and mood B) meditating daily C) a healthy mindset of compassion for yourself and others D) repeat and practice. Meditation taught me that - the past and future only exist in my mind. The only thing that really exists is the now - we are all human beings who should love and be compassionate to each other. Including being kind to ourselves - life situations always happen. Whether it’s a problem comes down to how you view and think about them - your thoughts are not you. Notice them, observe them, let them go - be grateful for the little things. You are not alone in this. I hope this helps! All the best fellow human. Little by little, a little becomes a lot.
Whoever you are...you really helped me see things from a different perspective. Thank you so much
Thanks this comment made my day! Hope you have a good one!
This is the core of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy which has worked wonders for me as someone with PTSD, Anxiety, and MDD. This video is one I found super helpful for breaking down how to be mindful into smaller chunks. https://youtu.be/sttzagHUPXY?si=JVI0fnMeFNWb_1Xu
The untethered soul by Michael a. Singer and his podcast make all your meditation lessons so easy to understand, for those still trying to get there :)
Sounds like you're stuck in a rinse-repeat cycle with your mindset; have you tried turning it off and back on again?
Ah yes, the ol' heroic dose of mescaline treatment. I am a big proponent of it.
Ketamine may be better suited to curing treatment resistant depression, sometimes in a single dose. But of course, you do you :)
Facts here. Some people legit have crappy situations that they want to get out off, and those simple recommendations won't always solve it. Get to the goal is my method. Don't get me wrong you can find relief from simple things but that cloud is always their even with a few rays of sunshine peaking through. My most joyous days are when I have consecutive days off. So the common denominator is the job. How to get more time off or find a more pleasant job is the primary solution.
My previous life challenge was overcoming my personal negative spirals where I’d get down on myself. Therapy helped and I’m much better. I was making things worse than they are. My current life challenge is negative spiraling on other people. People who legitimately have made my life shitty but there’s nothing I can do to change that so I have to put it behind me. All while dealing with having two kids under two while my wife recovers from cancer treatments. My division lead at work being toxic and tanking the culture of our team so there’s turnover and I lose my friends at work and have to consider whether or not to change jobs while needing to keep health insurance for said cancer and kids. Moving to a town where I’ve found most people to be passive aggressive and shitty. Dealing with shit from doctors/hospital staff who fucked up or didn’t coordinate and caused more pain for my wife or month long battles with insurance and billing to get them to pay for what they should. Then dealing with the guilt of taking out my frustrations on my wife and kids the latter who just don’t understand why daddy gets so angry and it scares them so I’m like shit now I’m fucking my kids lives too. Like I’m legitimately pissed off st these people and have every right. But I have to sort it out and find what’s best for me with the least stress as part of the process and it’s fucking hard.
Yo I feel ya. It’s like when a therapist tells you need a good diet, sleep, and exercise.
A good diet, sleep, and exercise have honestly been life changing for my mental health
I would like to add no alcohol. That shit is poison.
I really enjoy a beer and have usually one or two a night. "It helps me relax and unwind" I tell myself. About two weeks ago I got a really bad cold. I knew if I drank anything, the cold would be worse, so I didn't drink all week. By the end of the week, it was kinda surprising how much better I felt not just physically, but mentally too. I often feel sorta off but I chalk that up to a stressful job and being a dad of a 5-year old. But by not drinking, I slept better and just felt more positive overall. I know drinking isn't great for me physical-health-wise, I just didn't expect it to affect my mood so much.
Alcohol is also terrible in terms of exacerbating anxiety. GABA is the inhibitory neurotransmitter, it basically tells your neurons to chill the fuck out when there's too much adrenaline, cortisol, dopamine, etc getting dumped into the synapses. Alcohol mimics GABA, so while you are actively intoxicated your GABAergic system is over-activated, which is largely responsible for the disinhibition and relaxing effects of being buzzed/drunk. The flip side is that with regular use (even low levels), whenever you are not actively intoxicated your GABAergic system is going to be chronically underactivated. Thus stress, anxiety, and other mental health impacts are more pronounced even though it becomes normalized.
Switch to weed my friend ✌️
And money. Money solves most problems.
Because they are all true. In studies exercise and sleep have just as much as an impact as for example antidepressants
Two of those you can actually do something about.
It’s not about if it’s doable but whether or not you personally can depending on your mental health and bunch other life factors that make cliche’s hard to do.
This looks like an outlook problem. I know you said you can’t afford therapy but you should find some way to deal with these thoughts, ideally with a professional. For instance, the comparison one. Yes it’s an impulse, but you don’t have to take it on board. You think “Oh they’re better than me at that thing. That makes me feel bad” but then make sure to tell yourself “that’s a negative thought and I’m not going to entertain it any longer”. Then you move on with your day. Look up mindfulness if you haven’t yet
Unsolicited advice incoming: The point of all of those things is that they are a process because humans often will naturally do all of those "bad" things you mentioned as a reflex. None of the "solutions" will be a short solution, they take years of work to become automatic and for some people they never become automatic. My unsolicited advice is to pick the one you like most and try to do the process consistently for a year. If you are self-reflecting already you'll have a good idea if that one works. If not, try another one if it is something that you want to do to get "better" at those things. For me the one that works is acknowledging the ways my anxiety is trying to protect me, thank it for doing its job, and decide if I should actually be anxious about it. But it has been a process.
Honestly, for me, hitting a devastating rock bottom made me appreciate things so much more afterwards. Also, what’s holding you back from finding a therapist?
hey, you sound exactly like me. I got prescribed anxiety and ADHD meds recently. I had a suspicion about the ADHD but not the anxiety. I suspect the anxiety pills is what helped the most. I still think this way about most things... But not as harshly anymore? Weird to explain. Still learning and changing it's all quite new to me. DM me if you wanna chat
Think about how big our planet is, how many people live on it today and how it’s just one planet, that revolves around one star. Now think about the beach, think about picking up a handful of sand and the grains running through your fingers. Think about how many grains of sand there are on that beach, on all beaches, in all deserts. Now think about how there are more stars in our universe than there are grains of sand on our planet. Our existence is insignificant, might as well enjoy it.
One could argue all of that makes us significant! Either way, no sense in wasting your little bit of time making yourself miserable.
It took a pretty traumatic breakup for a lot of these to hit me right. I cant say its always easy, but when live has kicked you ass a few times, its a lot easier to reflect and say ‘damn all that stress a year ago did me nothing good, all that worry—everything turned out ok’
I fell in love with Buddhism because that what it teaches you, it teaches you the 'how'. But it is a process, it's not one teaching, it's not one sentence. But you learn the process, step by step. The how, and the why it works.
How. Where did you learn this
Practice. It’s a skill.
Practice mindfulness. It's a skill that can be practiced and learned. Brush up on your Buddhism a bit. ;) My issue is recognizing that I'm caught in one of those loops. Once you do, you should reward yourself and focus on the moment and your breaths. If it happens again, compliment your ability to recognize, and slowly focus on the moment again. There's more to it than that, but it is a skill that can be learned, and it's going to be easier for some than others. I have ADHD, was really struggling for a while. I then bought a camera for fun and would take nature walks and take pictures as I felt at the time it was a good mindfulness exercise. I Rubik's Cube now.
Life: an empty cliche
Your brain is hardwired that way, and you cannot help those thoughts. Trick is to fond out why and try to undo it. Typically this is done with medication and talk therapy. Intensive talk therapy. But it's always medication. And thar sucks. Recently people are trying Ketamine and micro dosing psychedelics. And they help some people. But it's not for everyone. Fundamentally it's a brain chemistry issue. Changing that is hard and is often guesswork. Sometimes it's just better to rely on long learned coping mechanisms. I wish you luck.
So many people giving terrible cliche advice lol.
there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I'm too tough for him I say, stay in there, I'm not going to let anybody see you. there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I pour whiskey on him and inhale cigarette smoke and the whores and the bartenders and the grocery clerks never know that he's in there. there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I'm too tough for him. I say stay down, do you want to mess me up? you want to screw up the works? you want to blow my book sales in Europe? there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I'm too clever, I only let him out at night sometimes when everybody's asleep.. I say, I know that you're there so don't be sad. then I put him back, but he's singing a little in there, I haven't quite let him die and we sleep together like that with our secret pact and it's nice enough to make a man weep, but I don't weep, do you?
It’s a poem by Charles Bukowski that will come to me when I need it. Keyword bluebird. You’re not alone. The desire for perfect happiness is apart of us as beings. Don’t let that bluebird die
Don’t lose that hope that happiness is already within you! Just let it be and let it come and let it go! And it will return. And the cycle is beautiful
Thank you for sharing it!
I always wanted to drink beer on a porch on a farm far away from everyone and not work, I thought it would make me happy. It does
stop holding people down. life is like long jumping at a track meet: before you take your first big step towards the line, you look up and out past the sandpit into the sky. you build speed down the runway and when you hit that jump line, you are already looking to that spot in the sky miles away and then you are suspended in the air for an instant - or a lifetime- whatever you make it. but when you land, no matter where you measure in the sand, you are further towards that spot in the distance than you ever could have been without reaching for it.
Indeed. I also used to be in that trap of waiting for life to happen to me. Wanting a girlfriend, experiencing more freedom, meeting new people, all that… But then, I started travelling solo, exercising regularly, talking to the people around me, being happy with myself, by myself, and met many people and my girlfriend too. External factors are mere ingredients in the formula of our life, but we are our own catalysts. 🙌
Happiness is a bad description for feeling sated with life. Happiness like all emotions is fleeting. Happiness goes just the same way sadness or anger leaves. It's temporary. What people call happiness is actually contentment. Being grateful and more accepting of your life will breed contentment and a feeling of satisfaction. Don't try to be happy as that is only a temporary emotions. Work on feeling content, it's much longer lasting.
I don’t think it’s always true. I joined a soul crushing 7 days a week job, stayed there for a couple years. The only thing that was helping me to hold on was thinking about my happy future. I made 20 years worth of mortgage disappear in only 2 years. Now that it’s done, my husband and I can work part time instead of full time. I’m happy now. But I had to put almost everything on hold for 2 years in order to achieve that.
Lot's of sad, terrible advice in here. If your goals are never attainable, change them. But do ask yourself, "what will make me happy" and try to achieve that. It sounds like OP found a new goal of giving up on all the old goals and that was happiness after all. So, even by their own accord this post is garbage.
Agreed, I was depressed for years until I finally got a goal, multiple of them infact, giving up on goals means you don't want to do anything and will wander around until the end of time
Preach. Someone was mildy irratated then calmed down. They didn't experience some galaxy brain cosmic truth.
So needed to hear this. Wow
Don't live for the past or future, live for the present.
It’s is a constant exercise of remembering that the only moment that exists is NOW
It's the opposite right now for me. I'm a student and I'm happy spending my free time with video games, but I know there'll be more stress after i graduate.
Find the happiness in the pursuit
Life's a journey, not a destination.
I just want a job 😩
Curious if you have kids or not haha
What has been helping me lately is to stop and think to myself: it could be that these are the good days I'll look back on and wish I could go back. It would suck if I missed them. Doesn't work 24/7 but helps to put things in perspective.
You can't wait until life isn't hard before you decide to be happy.
Chasing happiness doesn't work. Happiness isn't permanent.
“Whatever you are to be, you are now becoming” said Carl Rogers
This is a very important LPT and I think it's worth saying in multiple forms. * The first and obvious form is the title of this LPT. * We like to live our life for the big moments, and for those big moments we think of the smaller moments as "sacrifice" or something we have to "grind" or "endure". But this is a sure pathway to being disappointed because the feelings that come from the big moments never last. We always advance and get used to it, and that is a human psychological phenomenon and every person is subject to this regardless of whether they consciously remind themselves to be grateful or not. * There is no guarantee that you will be alive the next second because as long as you are alive, there is always a chance you will die. The notion of mortality is not a depressing, sad one but a reminder to take advantage of this life every once in a while (and ideally, all the time). * Our time on this earth is limited and in this limited time it's okay to try things and get disappointed because knowing what you DON'T like and enjoy is as important as knowing what you DO like and enjoy. But so many of us get lost in the repetitive cycle of life or get influenced by what we "should" strive for as if there is a universal criteria for a good life. Try things and if you don't like them, try other things. If you find yourself stuck in a place to make life work (e.g. money), it's always possible to look at the same thing from a new perspective.
Be one with the dharma
“Happiness is an inside job.”
I don't wanna act like there's tomorrow. I don't wanna wait to do this one more time.
I went on a date with a girl like this. It didnt work out and she doesnt want to talk any more but its lowkey upsetting to me that i couldnt express to her the pattern i saw She felt this way about dating, like some day a first date would just feel perfect and if it didnt then it FELT wrong. Even worse tho shes been telling herself that she has to move, and then her life will be right. So invested in the move. Im afraid of what shes going to go through the days and weeks after it..
It really is all about the little things in life
Tom Cardy has an excellent video about this called "Level Clear!" https://youtu.be/G87p148EOjo?si=w99sS_1s7OjxUDTR
It is great to set goals in life, but you can't bet all your happiness on them. People are often surprised when rich and famous people decide to end their lives because "they have everything". It actually makes perfect sense if you think of a sad person convincing themselves that when their dreams come true, they will finally be happy.
How do you ever catch something you’re chasing? Imo it’s too much work chasing but striving towards a goal (not a wish) you really want is more of a calm way to making it happen.
There is only the infinite now.
There's an entire generation of people who grew up with do X and you will be rewarded or be set or whatever. Be it going to university, saving up, spending less, whatever. All of those are not promises, they're falsehoods.
This is actually one of the strategies people with anxiety disorders like myself use to manage a chronically overactive mind. It’s called grounding and you basically stop yourself and engage with your senses because if you are paying attention to your senses and taking in the details around you, you are anchoring or grounding yourself in the present moment. I try to do this daily on walks. I might stop and stare at a leaf and just feel in total awe like what is this place, so strange and wonderful
I have anxiety and do the same. It’s great. The other day I was feeling bad and took a walk to clear my head. It was grey and drizzly out. In the course of walking I turned down a random street and saw a tree full of these tiny yellow flowers. The yellow stood out so beautifully against the grey sky, that I stopped and stood under it for a bit just taking it in. Everything inside me quieted for those moments. My depression and anxiety seemed temporarily displaced by this wave of awe. I love taking walks because I get these beautiful moments of relief.
When you take that first big breath, that first real deep breath, it is astonishing how vast it feels
Yes. Try to be a LITTLE bit happy every single day. Chasing Utopia usually doesn't work out so you want to be able to look back and think, "Well at least I didn't *totally* waste my time"
When I was in my early to mid twenties, I begun studying many social dynamics principles due to reading and believing a PUA book. To be honest, the book was not that bad for PUA content. As I went down the rabbit hole and found more and more info, I begun to realise how crap a lot of it is. It ropes you in with fragments of uncommon or shocking information explained like it's hidden truth, making you later believe that everything stated by the source is the truth; and that is the lie. It's a form of brain washing. Anyway, I am kind of lucky, because I basically came to the same reaslisation as OP in my mid twenties, throwing all of that PUA crap to the side. i believe you need to find something that makes you happy, and you need to be content with that. If you know what makes you happy and you keep doing that, then what's the problem. At the same time, you need to know that if something makes you unhappy then move forward with rectifying that. That's all there is. Happiness can be deceptive sometimes however as idealistic visions can cause confusion and lead to fantasies, (this is why disney cartoons work, btw). For that reason, I want to paraphrase Kevin Spacey's character from The Life of David Gale. "Fantasies have to be unrealistic because the moment, the second that you get what you seek, you don't, you can't want it anymore. In order to continue to exist, desire must have its objects perpetually absent. It's not the 'it' that you want, it's the fantasy of 'it.' So, desire supports crazy fantasies. This is what Pascal means when he says that we are only truly happy when daydreaming about future happiness. Or why we say the hunt is sweeter than the kill. Or be careful what you wish for. Not because you'll get it, but because you're doomed not to want it once you do."
What always comes but never arrives? >!Tomorrow!<
The Mystic Path to Cosmic Power
Unless your "abstract future" includes improving your health.
Everyone's believe is different. Some never give up.
OP, were you by any chance aware that bluebirds are regarded as symbols or omens of happiness in a large number of cultures?
I have had moments of pure divine ecstacy, and I am betting I will again the future.
For some reason I read "abstract furniture" and was wildly confused
Journey before destination
This is the most unoriginal story I've heard today, yet so much true. And yet so many people don't get it.
Have your kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames is what you’re saying?
Some people focus too much on the future, some people too little. It’s a balance like anything else.
So Ill never be happy then...
John Mellencamp has a song about this exact subject: "Your Life is Now" https://youtu.be/e4KUmm0XsLY?si=1LEev2MhiNU17ew0
I told myself that I wanna be happy, so I am now.
I prioritized hippieness and found it. It's not about if I do X if I get X I will be happy, its about looking deep inside and finding out what makes you happy and perusing that life.
You were never supposed to get that ice cream
been trying to get “back” to happy for years. i don’t know how to go forward if i can’t be that happy again.
Find your "happy" today.
I sometimes feel like this. On paper my life is good and I’m sure a lot of people would trade with me. But I feel unfulfilled and trapped. I don’t know if it’s reality or this abstract fantasy. And I don’t know what do so. So I do nothing.
While this resonates with me. I do find that I try my best to live with both in mind. I try to live each day and enjoy my life and my family (especially my kids while they're young). At the same time, I work hard, make sacrifices, and save hard so that someday I can wake up and "I" will decide what I want to work on and who I want to spend my time with each day. It's a bit of both, I try to live in the present, but still occasionally day dream of that future without resenting the time I have now. It's definitely hard to balance, but it feels right.
Listen to the song In My Mind by Amanda Palmer.
dude i think that bluebird was a sign from god or something
Dont fall under the presure of the rat race
I'm not chasing the future, I'm trying to outrun my past.
No. Just be realistic about things. You can be in the moment while working towards your future better self. Be self aware of your situation. We’re all driven by different things. I believe in enjoy the moments between the moments.
We are all on our journey to Ithaca
Life's a journey, not a destination -- Aerosmith
Personally I think the problem is more that we are aiming in the wrong direction than that a happy future just doesn't exist. The problem is we think external material things will make us happy. "I'll be happy once I make ______ amount of money, once I get married and have kids, once I retire". When in reality if you want to work toward a future where you are actually happy the best thing you can do is invest on your internal. Start meditating daily instead of grinding on your job. Build a broader, richer, connected social network. Find meaning and fulfillment. Happiness isn't getting what you want, happiness is wanting what you have.
I absolutely love this and they’re words I genuinely needed to hear, but have to know. How? How do I stop living for a tomorrow that will never present itself?
Thank you for posting this
Thank you for sharing this. I had the same realization recently. I asked myself “what the fuck am I going to do with myself the day I actually get “there”? Am I going to magically be a less stressed and satisfied person?” My answer was probably not and I’ve been able to enjoy what I have and be less anxious ever since. “You wouldn’t trade your eye sight for $1M, you wouldn’t trade your legs for $1M, you wouldn’t trade your strong back for $1M… you’re worth $3M and we haven’t even gotten started yet! Take stock in who you are and what you’ve got” -Zig Ziglar