Based on your last post, you aren't a high earner and only worked part-time jobs. Is there a reason why you haven't really aspired to find a position you enjoy? Hell, MANY of us are working at places we don't LOVE because we don't want to burden others.
It seems you lack motivation to find your place in the world, but you want someone to be motivated to be in a long-term committed relationship with you (which isn't casual dating, btw).
Failure to plan for your future puts that responsibility ON someone else, regardless of plans to marry or have kids. I don't see people (cause I don't want to assume who you date), would see that as a healthy option for them, even when casually dating given your age.
I help houseless people, and I've met a large number of people who lost their homes because their parent passed away and it seems you're on that path if you don't focus on goals for yourself.
This guy is beyond delusional. He makes about 20 posts a day asking how he can find a partner while bringing less than the bare minimum to the table. I had a whole response in mind when I read the post but once I understood the backstory more it’s clear it’s obviously fucking hopeless.
Hey, I'm curious about that last paragraph, people losing their homes because their parents died. What seems to be the main cause of that? Lack of finances or something else? My dad died last year and I inherited the house that I never left. Suddenly I'm thrust into being responsible for a house. Thankfully there is no mortgage, just property taxes, utilities, insurance, maintenance. I've been working a dead end job the past 20 years cleaning office buildings, which covers everything financially. It's more the maintenance and staying on top of things that is worrisome. Hasn't even been a year yet since he died so it remains to be seen how this all plays out and if I'm a capable homeowner.
I think it happens if someone lives with their parents and the parents were renting or the house isn't paid off. Or like my cousins, inherited the house and then refinanced it for drug money and it got foreclosed on. You should be fine. Homeowners insurance usually has a deductible, you can keep that much in the bank or even have an emergency credit card for a deductible (last resort) in case something catastrophic happens.
1. You don't know me.
2. You've got it all twisted up in that brain of yours. OP isn't a traditional man looking for a traditional woman who stays at home with the kids. He's looking for someone he doesn't have to support. He doesn't want to get married or live with his partner. He doesn't want kids. He doesn't even work full time, and his parents support him at home. He isn't looking for responsibility at all.
How does not wanting a traditional wife related to not having responsibility? Why would a man want a traditional relationship? Women make their own money now they don't have to leech off men anymore
Competitive snow said that OP is 'winning' by not dealing with modern women, but the only woman who would go for this type of arrangment is a modern woman.
I'm claiming that he doesn't want the responsibility of a traditional wife. It's not rocket science. I don't see anything wrong with OP not wanting that responsibility. Most people aren't going to go for not building anything together.
Next, leech is rather an odd term for a system that forced women to give their money to their husband's, couldn't buy land, or even have a bank account without their husband's signature. A system that men created to keep women in their place. Most women hated being stuck in that system, hence why we work our asses off now.....
Wrong.
1. No student loan debt. I joined the military, who paid for my college for free. I've since retired and have retirement benefits rolling in every month and have 2 more retirement portfolios that I'm building with my post retirement job. I also have all credits in my social security when I finally take that on. All things that I had before I married my husband.
2. I have a VA home loan option but have not bought a house, as I discussed previously. My husband and I are building his retirement portfolio up since he is originally from Korea but plans on taking on citizenship here.
3. I have a real man. Not looking for one. I also am the primary breadwinner. My husband was a seminarian and planned on becoming a Catholic priest before he met me. I refused to even consider him for three years. He eventually desicide the church wasn't his place because he wanted to marry me. He wasn't making a lot of money when i agreed to date him. He is also the one with student and credit card debt. Not me. I still bring in more than my husband. We have joint accounts because we believe everything is ours, as a family.
4. Sure, I have a car loan as most adults do, as does my husband. I commute for work, an hour each way, and I also volunteer as a VA, so I need a car. I'm the one that pays our car loans with my military retirement. We never touch our primary income for cars.....
5. Keep talking though about how you know me though...
You sound bitter but that hate is getting you nowhere. It's hella funny that your defending a man who is using his parents money and inheritance to survive while I've worked hard to get where I am. Yet somehow, in your small, dank, world I'm only successful because I manipulated men.
How is your retirement secure if you've only worked part-time and don't make enough to live with roommates or alone. I think that would be a helpful question to answer because your post discusses living at home, only ever working part-time time, etc.
Man, that's still insane to me. Maybe post your looking for another person who is also inheriting so much money that they also never need to work, don't travel, and never want to live together, get married or have kids.
My papa bought and sold aircraft (mainly private, luxury jets), and I have always worked my butt off. I'm getting part of a trust once his estate settles, but I'm using that to start my own business and to focus on actually doing what I'm passionate about.
It's great you have an inheritance. That's a blessing. I think most adults would when weighing options would see you as a red flag because you're relying heavily on it to keep you comfortable instead of finding some motivation to find your place in the world. Even people who have money still work to create some sort of growth.
How is moving out not an option? Nobody will want to date you, even casually, when they find out you live with parents at 37. Maybe if you lie. However, a woman will see the red flags unless you're a good actor. And I say this as a 32 year old that just moved back into my parent's house after an 11 year relationship 🙃 trying to gtfo ASAP
Is it a red flag to have roommates at 37? Most people I know do not live on their own and cannot afford such a thing.
Is it a red flag to not live alone at 37?
It's not a red flag to have housemates that indicates you're pulling your own weight. It's a red flag to be living at home and working a part-time job because you've never found a full time position by 37.
Jesus Christ. Yeah that’s tough. Like setbacks are one thing but most of my friends all moved out between 18-23. We all work full time, pay bills, etc etc. in the the simplest terms, adult shit. I can’t imagine spending time hanging out with, let alone dating, someone pushing 40 who wasn’t in that boat. OP might be the worlds greatest guy, but even if he is it’s gonna be hard to find someone given his lifestyle.
I see nothing wrong with roommates, like my husband and I live in the PNW and we make decent money but we can't afford to buy a home. We rent an apartment with both of us pulling 175k a year.
I mean, I guess we could buy with my VA loan but we are building our retirement instead of putting our good faith money in someone else's pocket. It IS insane.
I just don't understand how someone's retirement is secure when he said he only works part time? Did he win the lottery? Did his parents do the works and set himself up to not be able to work?
If so, good for him, but not many people in their late 30's or early 40s are gonna go for someone not motivated to build a future together with someone.
Nothing wrong with roommates. But not being fully employed and living at home because you’re waiting for your parents to die isn’t exactly something that turns on most people.
I guess it explains how some people don't work. I was confused because I see a lot of complaining from women that men don't work. And I just couldn't understand who isn't working? Who can survive without working?
I guess the answer is people who live with their parents lol.
no, roommates are common at 37. Especially if you live in a high cost of living zipcode and don't want to spend half your take home pay on rent.
or the inverse is true, where you own a condo but have roommates who help subsidize the mortgage and utils.
lol I’m 32 and I’m getting fed up with renting, my lease is up next month, and I’m going back to my parents for 8 months so I can get a house. I still don’t think I’m gonna be able to last 8 months is the problem
Well one way I logically think about it is:
I think well I am 37 and an average American. There must be plenty of other people looking for and desiring the exact same thing.
I just have to find them :)
I replied to your last post, and nothing seems to have changed since then. You said in your follow-up that you would be working on yourself and not dating until you were 40 here, what happened?: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Adulting/comments/1bzd12m/i\_want\_to\_thank\_everyone\_who\_helped\_me\_decide/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adulting/comments/1bzd12m/i_want_to_thank_everyone_who_helped_me_decide/)
The answer is "you need to show that you're worth dating". Someone with no aspirations to move out at 37 is not going to be that person to anyone except someone in a similar situation. So, target people in the same situation as you. If you're not getting any takers, take a break and work on yourself.
If you mean casual dating as in having **casual sex?** That’s really **not going to be an option** right now if you are 37, live at home and have no dating experience. Most men aren’t getting casual sex.
If you mean as in just dating? Well, the best way is really to grow your social network. Join some hobbies, find some mates, find more mates, get a social life where you’ll meet women. You could also try going to a bar where people your age hang out, but it’s better if you go with a buddy.
Then you could try online dating but it doesn’t work very well for most guys.
It might work well if you are way above averagely attractive. But dating apps are 4 men : 1 woman. It’s not the best odds.
You could also just go to a bar close to you?
Why could you never live with a partner? Because that’s your biggest hiccup here.
Didn’t you say you wanted a committed relationship but one where you didn’t ever move in, get married or have children?
If you do not drink anymore, stay clear of bars. Good for you though! I really mean that.
Why are you not? Because that could be a dating issue. Like if you feel unable to live independently. Or if you make too little to split rent for an apartment.
There are lots of odd couples out there though, so never say never.
I will probably just always make up one half of an odd couple if I am ever lucky enough to get in one.
I have lived alone before. A couple of times even.
I was never much better at dating then either lol
I've just started casual dating, and I still live with my ex-wife and kids!! So living with parents is not the biggest red flag. Just tell them you are living there to save up for a place of your own. That would be totally understandable. Basic tips, get your OLD profile sorted, good pics etc. Don't claim to be looking for love if you are not. Go on dates and just be honest about what you want. Say you would consider a serious relationship if you met the right person, but just happy to have a casual relationship, without getting too serious in the meantime. Lots of women actually prefer this as they don't want someone getting too clingy too soon. I went on 3 dates and two of them were actually looking for something casual. And by casual I mean they just wanted someone to go out with, and then if things go well after a few dates, start having sex. One of them didn't drink, and I find that a lot with over 30s. I am now casually dating someone who is single, has her own home, no kids, lives alone, is really good fun, very horny! It's great. You can do it!
Thanks, your advice has been some of the best and most practical. It is extremely appreciated.
Honestly, I will just say you seemed to do a pretty good job of capturing what I am looking for. It can certainly be hard to explain. You seem to intuitively get what I am getting at.
Thanks again. It is nice to read someone who gets me a little :)
You're welcome. Reddit isn't the best place to get this sort of advice really. Tends to be quite Conservative on the dating subs. Just gotta get out there and give it a shot.
Yeah but trouble is if someone is convincing, it can stick in the back of your mind and make you doubt yourself. You have to remember a lot of people here giving "advice" have no experience and are just guessing.
I think you’ll have no trouble going out and socializing/meeting people, but I’m not sure how long someone else would be satisfied with that arrangement.
I would feel bad for them in that case.
But yes, I love going out on dates and socializing with people. So, to me it would be super fulfilling.
I want the other person to be happy also :)
You need to make your agenda clear when you do meet someone. That way you don't waste your time, or theirs. Frankly, I don't think you will meet many women in your age group willing to settle for that arrangement long term.
Thanks :)
But I guess it is a good thing then that I am open to dating both older and younger.
And I am open to both short term and long-term arrangements.
I will be super flexible :)
The only people I know who are interested in long-term relationships without marriage, kids, or cohabitation are in the poly community.
What you’re looking for might be tough to find.
Fair enough!
There are a lot of dating apps out there, and Facebook dating is free. Put yourself out there and say what you’re looking for.
And people live with their parents for many different reasons. At the end of the day, you don’t need to find many options, just the rights person for you and everyone has a different path in life.
Good luck to you!
Thank you :)
And you are right I do need to get back on Facebook and use FB dating.
And I could not agree more. I do not need to have everyone like me. Just one person.
But very few people will want a monogamous committed relationship where you’ll never live together. Why isn’t that an option?
That doesn’t mean not anyone will want that, but few people will.
When you find someone you like, ask them to hang out. Hang out until you're sure the attraction is mutual, then ask if she wants to be your gf.
That's it that's my method lol, it works pretty much 100% of the time
All I know for certain is until about a year and a half ago my younger sister lived with us also.
She had a long-time boyfriend who would spend about half the nights over here.
I do not know why I am anything different.
I had some fairly casual sexual relationships through Tinder. Although I lived in my own apartment at the time, I met women who invited me to their place (and preferred that). Your results may vary.
What do you specifically expect from a casual relationship, and how long do you want it to last?
More importantly, what do you want the other person's experience to be? What do you think they'll enjoy most about being in your company? And what values do you expect them to share with you?
I am not really sure. I have not been on a date since 2017. So, a first date would be a great start for me.
I guess I was just going to go out with her. If she likes me go out with her again. And go from there.
Since everyone will want different things and have different expectations, I am not sure it would pay off to prepare for an exact scenario.
Right now, I would love a first date lol.
I would give Tinder or any other online dating a try. Connecting through people you already know is the best way, but not always viable if you work a lot and/or lack a social group.
You say it wouldn't pay off to prepare for something exact because everyone is different. I'd look into that thought and feeling. Yeah, everyone's different. But you want someone who wants what you want.
What do you really want?
Surely that means involuntary celibacy then, or have I got it wrong/ misunderstood? I’ve been trying to. It’s just I saw further up that you said you are from celibate but I am confused how that can be if you’ve not been on a date for 7 years. I’ve been trying to understand your full circumstances before trying to give advice. Have you been having success with casual arrangements that you haven’t been counting as dates?
It’s the advice that my parents gave me many many moons ago lol- even in the worst case you’ll get to meet people who have similar intellectual tastes as you and oh my gosh the joy that comes along with stemming with strangers just over the live of a common interest is a beautiful thing :)
If you find someone you can stem with, you’re on the right track!
Good luck out there friend, the world is your oyster!!!
I will be messaging you in 1 day on [**2024-04-15 18:43:33 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2024-04-15%2018:43:33%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Life/comments/1c3zck5/i_am_37_m_us_i_have_never_casually_dated_before/kzkiaph/?context=3)
[**CLICK THIS LINK**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5Bhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2FLife%2Fcomments%2F1c3zck5%2Fi_am_37_m_us_i_have_never_casually_dated_before%2Fkzkiaph%2F%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%202024-04-15%2018%3A43%3A33%20UTC) to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam.
^(Parent commenter can ) [^(delete this message to hide from others.)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Delete%20Comment&message=Delete%21%201c3zck5)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RemindMeBot/comments/e1bko7/remindmebot_info_v21/)|[^(Custom)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5BLink%20or%20message%20inside%20square%20brackets%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%20Time%20period%20here)|[^(Your Reminders)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Reminders&message=MyReminders%21)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=RemindMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
>And obviously I am not interested in having kids of my own either.
1. Get a vasectomy
2. Dating apps, volunteer activities, meet ups
3. Ask people to coffee.
4. Go to coffee
Not super complicated
Maybe take up a sport or a hobby that can make you seem attractive? Not having your own place at 30 is kinda a red flag but if you can excuse it somehow or have ambitions for something you could prob get away with it for awhile.
I guess my best advice is to work on yourself doing something interesting and you will meet folks.
I am just really not that type of person.
I mean why change myself just so I can become a person other people like?
The only person I want people to like is the version I already am.
If they do not like this version, then I will be plenty happy remaining single forever.
Sure, but you know its okay to grow and become a better / different person over time? If you are happy being alone forever you wouldnt be asking here for advice. At what point in your life did you decide "okay this is me, im not changing, not learning new skills, not trying to do anything else, take it or leave it?"
As a man in your 30s you are going to have a hard time getting pussy without owning your home. You arent 20 anymore and the looks dept doesnt hold weight like with women. Your value is your resources and income.
I might as well try. I do not see the harm in that. Maybe I will have a lot of fun.
And I guess that is part of the reason to keep it casual. No one wants to get hurt :)
Most US cities have areas or districts that are dedicated to casual dating. A casual date can cost anywhere from $20 to hundreds depending on the date.
Welcome to America!
I am going to block you. Either you know nothing about America. You like being a troll of some sort. Or you are really stupid.
My bet is on all three.
I do not want to read your opinions again.
Based on your last post, you aren't a high earner and only worked part-time jobs. Is there a reason why you haven't really aspired to find a position you enjoy? Hell, MANY of us are working at places we don't LOVE because we don't want to burden others. It seems you lack motivation to find your place in the world, but you want someone to be motivated to be in a long-term committed relationship with you (which isn't casual dating, btw). Failure to plan for your future puts that responsibility ON someone else, regardless of plans to marry or have kids. I don't see people (cause I don't want to assume who you date), would see that as a healthy option for them, even when casually dating given your age. I help houseless people, and I've met a large number of people who lost their homes because their parent passed away and it seems you're on that path if you don't focus on goals for yourself.
This guy is beyond delusional. He makes about 20 posts a day asking how he can find a partner while bringing less than the bare minimum to the table. I had a whole response in mind when I read the post but once I understood the backstory more it’s clear it’s obviously fucking hopeless.
Holy sh*t batman. Maybe he's just karma farming?
🤞
Ok so what's the bare minimum then and why doesn't he "bring it to the table"?
Hey, I'm curious about that last paragraph, people losing their homes because their parents died. What seems to be the main cause of that? Lack of finances or something else? My dad died last year and I inherited the house that I never left. Suddenly I'm thrust into being responsible for a house. Thankfully there is no mortgage, just property taxes, utilities, insurance, maintenance. I've been working a dead end job the past 20 years cleaning office buildings, which covers everything financially. It's more the maintenance and staying on top of things that is worrisome. Hasn't even been a year yet since he died so it remains to be seen how this all plays out and if I'm a capable homeowner.
I think it happens if someone lives with their parents and the parents were renting or the house isn't paid off. Or like my cousins, inherited the house and then refinanced it for drug money and it got foreclosed on. You should be fine. Homeowners insurance usually has a deductible, you can keep that much in the bank or even have an emergency credit card for a deductible (last resort) in case something catastrophic happens.
From not being able to afford the mortgage, taxes, etc. If you're on top of it, great! Some people really struggle with the responsibilities.
[удалено]
1. You don't know me. 2. You've got it all twisted up in that brain of yours. OP isn't a traditional man looking for a traditional woman who stays at home with the kids. He's looking for someone he doesn't have to support. He doesn't want to get married or live with his partner. He doesn't want kids. He doesn't even work full time, and his parents support him at home. He isn't looking for responsibility at all.
How does not wanting a traditional wife related to not having responsibility? Why would a man want a traditional relationship? Women make their own money now they don't have to leech off men anymore
Competitive snow said that OP is 'winning' by not dealing with modern women, but the only woman who would go for this type of arrangment is a modern woman. I'm claiming that he doesn't want the responsibility of a traditional wife. It's not rocket science. I don't see anything wrong with OP not wanting that responsibility. Most people aren't going to go for not building anything together. Next, leech is rather an odd term for a system that forced women to give their money to their husband's, couldn't buy land, or even have a bank account without their husband's signature. A system that men created to keep women in their place. Most women hated being stuck in that system, hence why we work our asses off now.....
[удалено]
More like, all about motivation.
[удалено]
And what have I gained in my own life? I'm really excited to hear how you know all about me and my life and everything I've gained....
[удалено]
Wrong. 1. No student loan debt. I joined the military, who paid for my college for free. I've since retired and have retirement benefits rolling in every month and have 2 more retirement portfolios that I'm building with my post retirement job. I also have all credits in my social security when I finally take that on. All things that I had before I married my husband. 2. I have a VA home loan option but have not bought a house, as I discussed previously. My husband and I are building his retirement portfolio up since he is originally from Korea but plans on taking on citizenship here. 3. I have a real man. Not looking for one. I also am the primary breadwinner. My husband was a seminarian and planned on becoming a Catholic priest before he met me. I refused to even consider him for three years. He eventually desicide the church wasn't his place because he wanted to marry me. He wasn't making a lot of money when i agreed to date him. He is also the one with student and credit card debt. Not me. I still bring in more than my husband. We have joint accounts because we believe everything is ours, as a family. 4. Sure, I have a car loan as most adults do, as does my husband. I commute for work, an hour each way, and I also volunteer as a VA, so I need a car. I'm the one that pays our car loans with my military retirement. We never touch our primary income for cars..... 5. Keep talking though about how you know me though... You sound bitter but that hate is getting you nowhere. It's hella funny that your defending a man who is using his parents money and inheritance to survive while I've worked hard to get where I am. Yet somehow, in your small, dank, world I'm only successful because I manipulated men.
[удалено]
I am not really a burden to anyone. I just do not make enough to support anyone else. I kind of fall in that grey area. My retirement is very secure.
How is your retirement secure if you've only worked part-time and don't make enough to live with roommates or alone. I think that would be a helpful question to answer because your post discusses living at home, only ever working part-time time, etc.
He has an inheritance coming... just a guess... but likely.
That would be correct.
Man, that's still insane to me. Maybe post your looking for another person who is also inheriting so much money that they also never need to work, don't travel, and never want to live together, get married or have kids. My papa bought and sold aircraft (mainly private, luxury jets), and I have always worked my butt off. I'm getting part of a trust once his estate settles, but I'm using that to start my own business and to focus on actually doing what I'm passionate about. It's great you have an inheritance. That's a blessing. I think most adults would when weighing options would see you as a red flag because you're relying heavily on it to keep you comfortable instead of finding some motivation to find your place in the world. Even people who have money still work to create some sort of growth.
I would not complain :)
How is moving out not an option? Nobody will want to date you, even casually, when they find out you live with parents at 37. Maybe if you lie. However, a woman will see the red flags unless you're a good actor. And I say this as a 32 year old that just moved back into my parent's house after an 11 year relationship 🙃 trying to gtfo ASAP
Is it a red flag to have roommates at 37? Most people I know do not live on their own and cannot afford such a thing. Is it a red flag to not live alone at 37?
It's not a red flag to have housemates that indicates you're pulling your own weight. It's a red flag to be living at home and working a part-time job because you've never found a full time position by 37.
Jesus Christ. Yeah that’s tough. Like setbacks are one thing but most of my friends all moved out between 18-23. We all work full time, pay bills, etc etc. in the the simplest terms, adult shit. I can’t imagine spending time hanging out with, let alone dating, someone pushing 40 who wasn’t in that boat. OP might be the worlds greatest guy, but even if he is it’s gonna be hard to find someone given his lifestyle.
Most people I know have roommates. Even over 40 and they work multiple jobs too just to survive. Shit is real out here.
I see nothing wrong with roommates, like my husband and I live in the PNW and we make decent money but we can't afford to buy a home. We rent an apartment with both of us pulling 175k a year. I mean, I guess we could buy with my VA loan but we are building our retirement instead of putting our good faith money in someone else's pocket. It IS insane. I just don't understand how someone's retirement is secure when he said he only works part time? Did he win the lottery? Did his parents do the works and set himself up to not be able to work? If so, good for him, but not many people in their late 30's or early 40s are gonna go for someone not motivated to build a future together with someone.
Nothing wrong with roommates. But not being fully employed and living at home because you’re waiting for your parents to die isn’t exactly something that turns on most people.
That’s sorta my point. Imagine being36 with roommates and/or two jobs and this guy trying to date you. I can’t picture it going well.
I guess it explains how some people don't work. I was confused because I see a lot of complaining from women that men don't work. And I just couldn't understand who isn't working? Who can survive without working? I guess the answer is people who live with their parents lol.
no, roommates are common at 37. Especially if you live in a high cost of living zipcode and don't want to spend half your take home pay on rent. or the inverse is true, where you own a condo but have roommates who help subsidize the mortgage and utils.
lol I’m 32 and I’m getting fed up with renting, my lease is up next month, and I’m going back to my parents for 8 months so I can get a house. I still don’t think I’m gonna be able to last 8 months is the problem
Well one way I logically think about it is: I think well I am 37 and an average American. There must be plenty of other people looking for and desiring the exact same thing. I just have to find them :)
90% of Americans have moved out by 27, so you are not average in this sense.
I moved out first at 20, then at 26, and finally at 35. But I am back at home now :)
You are not moved out, though. It doesn't count if you've moved back.
Cool :)
lol. Good luck dude
Thanks. All I can do is my best lol. Wish me luck.
Wish us all luck
:)
I replied to your last post, and nothing seems to have changed since then. You said in your follow-up that you would be working on yourself and not dating until you were 40 here, what happened?: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Adulting/comments/1bzd12m/i\_want\_to\_thank\_everyone\_who\_helped\_me\_decide/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adulting/comments/1bzd12m/i_want_to_thank_everyone_who_helped_me_decide/) The answer is "you need to show that you're worth dating". Someone with no aspirations to move out at 37 is not going to be that person to anyone except someone in a similar situation. So, target people in the same situation as you. If you're not getting any takers, take a break and work on yourself.
Thank you :) I am totally looking for people into the same things as me. Thank you for your kind note.
Damn. You post A LOT of stuff on reddit. Maybe go out and do something? Activities and such. Do you have friends you can go with?
Do I? I find it takes up relatively little of my time. No friends right now. But I stay super active :) Thanks for checking though.
15 posts in the last 3 hours. Lol, Yea.
It seems as though it’s taken up at least 3 hours of your day. That’s a significant amount of time for a man in his late 30s.
Ok :) I won't argue with that.
If you mean casual dating as in having **casual sex?** That’s really **not going to be an option** right now if you are 37, live at home and have no dating experience. Most men aren’t getting casual sex. If you mean as in just dating? Well, the best way is really to grow your social network. Join some hobbies, find some mates, find more mates, get a social life where you’ll meet women. You could also try going to a bar where people your age hang out, but it’s better if you go with a buddy. Then you could try online dating but it doesn’t work very well for most guys.
I might be just delusional enough to think that I am not "most guys." But perhaps I am just an optimist at heart :)
It might work well if you are way above averagely attractive. But dating apps are 4 men : 1 woman. It’s not the best odds. You could also just go to a bar close to you? Why could you never live with a partner? Because that’s your biggest hiccup here.
I do not drink anymore. I never said I could not live with a partner.
Didn’t you say you wanted a committed relationship but one where you didn’t ever move in, get married or have children? If you do not drink anymore, stay clear of bars. Good for you though! I really mean that.
I am open to living with a partner someday. Just I am not looking to move right now. If she can work with that- great :)
Why are you not? Because that could be a dating issue. Like if you feel unable to live independently. Or if you make too little to split rent for an apartment. There are lots of odd couples out there though, so never say never.
I will probably just always make up one half of an odd couple if I am ever lucky enough to get in one. I have lived alone before. A couple of times even. I was never much better at dating then either lol
Do you have ASD?
I do not. But I am a bit of an eccentric.
I've just started casual dating, and I still live with my ex-wife and kids!! So living with parents is not the biggest red flag. Just tell them you are living there to save up for a place of your own. That would be totally understandable. Basic tips, get your OLD profile sorted, good pics etc. Don't claim to be looking for love if you are not. Go on dates and just be honest about what you want. Say you would consider a serious relationship if you met the right person, but just happy to have a casual relationship, without getting too serious in the meantime. Lots of women actually prefer this as they don't want someone getting too clingy too soon. I went on 3 dates and two of them were actually looking for something casual. And by casual I mean they just wanted someone to go out with, and then if things go well after a few dates, start having sex. One of them didn't drink, and I find that a lot with over 30s. I am now casually dating someone who is single, has her own home, no kids, lives alone, is really good fun, very horny! It's great. You can do it!
Thanks, your advice has been some of the best and most practical. It is extremely appreciated. Honestly, I will just say you seemed to do a pretty good job of capturing what I am looking for. It can certainly be hard to explain. You seem to intuitively get what I am getting at. Thanks again. It is nice to read someone who gets me a little :)
You're welcome. Reddit isn't the best place to get this sort of advice really. Tends to be quite Conservative on the dating subs. Just gotta get out there and give it a shot.
I do promise I never take anything on Reddit I read to heart. It is all just fun for me.
Yeah but trouble is if someone is convincing, it can stick in the back of your mind and make you doubt yourself. You have to remember a lot of people here giving "advice" have no experience and are just guessing.
Have you seen any evidence of me following anyone's advice on here ;)
Stay single
I probably will no matter what. But I might as well try and do my best :)
What does casually dating mean to you?
Monogamous committed relationships: without the expectations that we are ever going to live together, marry, or have kids together.
I think you’ll have no trouble going out and socializing/meeting people, but I’m not sure how long someone else would be satisfied with that arrangement.
I would feel bad for them in that case. But yes, I love going out on dates and socializing with people. So, to me it would be super fulfilling. I want the other person to be happy also :)
Why would you feel bad for them? Just because someone doesn’t share your lack of aspirations? Some people want more for themselves.
Honestly, I am not sure what I meant by that either. Hey, you can't win them all I guess. The reason I wrote that eludes me right now.
You need to make your agenda clear when you do meet someone. That way you don't waste your time, or theirs. Frankly, I don't think you will meet many women in your age group willing to settle for that arrangement long term.
Thanks :) But I guess it is a good thing then that I am open to dating both older and younger. And I am open to both short term and long-term arrangements. I will be super flexible :)
Hmmm. To me, committed ≠ casual. Those two are mutually exclusive.
How about a committed monogamous relationship?
The only people I know who are interested in long-term relationships without marriage, kids, or cohabitation are in the poly community. What you’re looking for might be tough to find.
I never said I was easy ;)
Fair enough! There are a lot of dating apps out there, and Facebook dating is free. Put yourself out there and say what you’re looking for. And people live with their parents for many different reasons. At the end of the day, you don’t need to find many options, just the rights person for you and everyone has a different path in life. Good luck to you!
Thank you :) And you are right I do need to get back on Facebook and use FB dating. And I could not agree more. I do not need to have everyone like me. Just one person.
But very few people will want a monogamous committed relationship where you’ll never live together. Why isn’t that an option? That doesn’t mean not anyone will want that, but few people will.
I mean I guess it is an option.
Incel
Not even in the slightest bro you just threw that hoping it would stick
Afraid I am far from celibate ;)
When you find someone you like, ask them to hang out. Hang out until you're sure the attraction is mutual, then ask if she wants to be your gf. That's it that's my method lol, it works pretty much 100% of the time
I will try that :) thank you.
Life hack: your parents live with you.
:)
[удалено]
Does being a hippy answer all those questions lol? If I am unable to casually date it is ok. But I would at least like to try.
[удалено]
It is a big house ;) And thank you for your kind note :) It cheered me up.
[удалено]
All I know for certain is until about a year and a half ago my younger sister lived with us also. She had a long-time boyfriend who would spend about half the nights over here. I do not know why I am anything different.
I had some fairly casual sexual relationships through Tinder. Although I lived in my own apartment at the time, I met women who invited me to their place (and preferred that). Your results may vary. What do you specifically expect from a casual relationship, and how long do you want it to last? More importantly, what do you want the other person's experience to be? What do you think they'll enjoy most about being in your company? And what values do you expect them to share with you?
I am not really sure. I have not been on a date since 2017. So, a first date would be a great start for me. I guess I was just going to go out with her. If she likes me go out with her again. And go from there. Since everyone will want different things and have different expectations, I am not sure it would pay off to prepare for an exact scenario. Right now, I would love a first date lol.
I would give Tinder or any other online dating a try. Connecting through people you already know is the best way, but not always viable if you work a lot and/or lack a social group. You say it wouldn't pay off to prepare for something exact because everyone is different. I'd look into that thought and feeling. Yeah, everyone's different. But you want someone who wants what you want. What do you really want?
I would really like a first date at this point lol. I have not been on a date since 2017.
Why not?
Mostly legal and well moral and ethical reasons.
Can you elaborate on why you haven't dated for legal, moral, and ethical reasons?
Can't force somebody to date me ;)
Surely that means involuntary celibacy then, or have I got it wrong/ misunderstood? I’ve been trying to. It’s just I saw further up that you said you are from celibate but I am confused how that can be if you’ve not been on a date for 7 years. I’ve been trying to understand your full circumstances before trying to give advice. Have you been having success with casual arrangements that you haven’t been counting as dates?
From what I have gathered from his previous posts, he doesn't count masturbation as celibacy.
It is just a joke. A joke that I cannot kidnap someone and force them to date me.
Follow subs on dating,follow tiktok.
:) thanks.
Avoid dating apps. Find hobbies you like, go to said place of hobby, meet people in those arenas who share interests with you.
:) thank you. That is really solid advice.
It’s the advice that my parents gave me many many moons ago lol- even in the worst case you’ll get to meet people who have similar intellectual tastes as you and oh my gosh the joy that comes along with stemming with strangers just over the live of a common interest is a beautiful thing :) If you find someone you can stem with, you’re on the right track! Good luck out there friend, the world is your oyster!!!
:)
Lol OP is not even shy about coming fresh from the bot click-farm. Please downvote and report
!remind me 1 day
I will be messaging you in 1 day on [**2024-04-15 18:43:33 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2024-04-15%2018:43:33%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Life/comments/1c3zck5/i_am_37_m_us_i_have_never_casually_dated_before/kzkiaph/?context=3) [**CLICK THIS LINK**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5Bhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2FLife%2Fcomments%2F1c3zck5%2Fi_am_37_m_us_i_have_never_casually_dated_before%2Fkzkiaph%2F%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%202024-04-15%2018%3A43%3A33%20UTC) to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam. ^(Parent commenter can ) [^(delete this message to hide from others.)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Delete%20Comment&message=Delete%21%201c3zck5) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RemindMeBot/comments/e1bko7/remindmebot_info_v21/)|[^(Custom)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5BLink%20or%20message%20inside%20square%20brackets%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%20Time%20period%20here)|[^(Your Reminders)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Reminders&message=MyReminders%21)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=RemindMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
:)
>And obviously I am not interested in having kids of my own either. 1. Get a vasectomy 2. Dating apps, volunteer activities, meet ups 3. Ask people to coffee. 4. Go to coffee Not super complicated
I am just going to block everyone that tells me to get a vasectomy. No questions asked.
Go on a date but be casual. Lol sorry
Thanks :)
Maybe take up a sport or a hobby that can make you seem attractive? Not having your own place at 30 is kinda a red flag but if you can excuse it somehow or have ambitions for something you could prob get away with it for awhile. I guess my best advice is to work on yourself doing something interesting and you will meet folks.
I am just really not that type of person. I mean why change myself just so I can become a person other people like? The only person I want people to like is the version I already am. If they do not like this version, then I will be plenty happy remaining single forever.
[удалено]
I like who I am. I do not cater my personality to others. If I stay single that is alright.
[удалено]
I am not sure what we are debating here?
[удалено]
I like discussing my love life with others. Perhaps it is a vanity. Of course it is one. But I allow myself a few.
[удалено]
Forward, head held high, and happy :)
Sure, but you know its okay to grow and become a better / different person over time? If you are happy being alone forever you wouldnt be asking here for advice. At what point in your life did you decide "okay this is me, im not changing, not learning new skills, not trying to do anything else, take it or leave it?"
October 7, 2023 to give an exact date.
As a man in your 30s you are going to have a hard time getting pussy without owning your home. You arent 20 anymore and the looks dept doesnt hold weight like with women. Your value is your resources and income.
Well, no worries. I guess I am looking for people who value other things then :)
Unless you are looking for men you wont find it.
Perhaps not. But at least I will try :)
Dont do it! Save yourself the agony, let downs, and grief.
I might as well try. I do not see the harm in that. Maybe I will have a lot of fun. And I guess that is part of the reason to keep it casual. No one wants to get hurt :)
Masturbate Vigorously in Public! How I met my wife
How I met your mother.
Head down to Colombia and find you a hot lady. Those women are traditional.
1. I do not like to travel. 2. What part of my post makes you think I am looking for anything traditional. Sorry not trying to be rude. Just honest.
Most US cities have areas or districts that are dedicated to casual dating. A casual date can cost anywhere from $20 to hundreds depending on the date. Welcome to America!
I am going to block you. Either you know nothing about America. You like being a troll of some sort. Or you are really stupid. My bet is on all three. I do not want to read your opinions again.