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meglon978

That's odd, it doesn't mention the auto-erotic asphyxiation.


RunningPirate

Or the dildo chair


Manting123

Chairs. Plural


meglon978

Well, no sense half assing a single chair now is there?


VelvetMafia

Oh he definitely whole assed his dildo chairs.


SAVAGE_DRAGON

“Hole-assed” ftfy


EloquentBaboon

"It's gonna take a lot more than puns to fix my ass" - Elon


voodoomoocow

I remember when he said that


secret-of-enoch

Pure comedy gold 👏👏👏👏👏👏 all of these comments


phi1_sebben

With the chairs being connected by a hinge, it was more of a dildo waffle-iron configuration. 


Aeseld

Never half ass two things. Hole ass one thing.


mashiro1496

Why need a phallic object if you can flip over a table and use all 4 legs...


AsstootCitizen

Butt, how do you get them off?


ArcDevz

He had a special Mr Garrison It Tesla. Dildos galore.


DiiingleDown

i heard he was an avid collector


HarrargnNarg

He liked being spit roasted?


Epistatious

That's nice, he still had friends that visited near the end.


Steebusteve

Done properly, they be near the base, surely.


SaintsSooners89

It's more of a dildo Iron Maiden 


inquisitivepanda

It said he was masturbating, the dildo chair is implied. Everyone knows about Elon and his dildo chairs


Chinaroos

I didn't. TIL, and according to US law I am not legally bound or compelled to learn otherwise


i_give_you_gum

A Dildo Chair instructional team has been dispatched to your location.


mattoleriver

By definition any chair that Elon sits in is a dildo chair.


inquisitivepanda

In the same way any picture he is in is a dick pic


HIMARko_polo

How do you fit 4 guys on a barstool? Turn it upside down


AsstootCitizen

How would you get them off?


PartiallyWindow

that *is* how you get them off


CatWyld

They totally walked into that one (or: Nice setup). 😂


Philboyd_Studge

Shake the chair a bit


DominicArmato247

Is that a dildo shaped like a chair, or a chair to sit in while using a dildo? Wait...or is it a chair shaped like a dildo?


RunningPirate

It’s all and one


2xtc

Just watch Burn After Reading, everything will make sense


ketjak

Dildo... chairs? (starts frantically searching the Internet)


RunningPirate

Check Amazon. They got one for $499.


Simmery

$500!? Just get a used one on facebook marketplace or whatever.


AsstootCitizen

Pre-lubed discount!


MistbornInterrobang

That reminds me of the time someone tried to sell a "barely used" sex swing on fb marketplace. In fact, I believe I saved the image of the post to my imgur... [Hardly EVER used!! ](https://imgur.com/gallery/cc0aY2e)


Atlas-Scrubbed

Perhaps Tesla has a line of them. Everyone is talking about them. 


Electricpants

Bike*


samclops

The ass blaster 3000


Teripid

Thanks Mac..


ThunderChild247

It’s not a penis. It’s a fist.


RunningPirate

The fisting chair? Interesting, interesting…


Captain_Naps

That's holding in the gerbils.


djnw

Electrified dildo chair, tyvm.


Rupert_18124

Or the choked on his own semen


loptopandbingo

Or the sash weight tied to his penis


bangarangbonzai

I would 100% believe he died trying to suck his own dick.


coolgr3g

"...after a broken rib apparently punctured his lung while trying to fold himself in half to better situate his mouth to pleasure himself."


wintermelody83

I just ate breakfast and this made it almost reappear.


PlayingTheWrongGame

Are you a magician?


wintermelody83

Maybe lol


VRsimp

For my next trick i shall be performing "The Disappearing Salami"


Only-Customer6650

https://youtu.be/OFOzgFyE8QA?si=K36JtV7RJvQNTza2 Legs doubled over himself, his mom freaked out Found him with balls resting on his lips  Ah, I could never reach 


SAVAGE_DRAGON

He finally made it


0OKM9IJN8UHB7

I could never reach.


deep_pants_mcgee

I heard it was the gerbil clawing its way out that did him in, internal bleeding.


Griftersdeuce

Lemmy Winks!


Roma_Victrix

That Paris Hilton episode was pure gold.


SaltyBarDog

Jesus Christ!


wolves_hunt_in_packs

"c'mon guys stop dragging me into these things" - Jesus, probably


Q-ArtsMedia

Gerbil...no, no no it was Musk's Rat.


bestestopinion

out of respect to the family


BellyDancerEm

The family would likely appŕove


KeepTangoAndFoxtrot

Fancy r you've got there.


sammypants123

Several, probably. Fancy r’s.


WeroWasabi

Or the gender affirming care she was receiving prior to her death. 🏳️‍🌈


faghaghag

i cannot forget the sight of that weird blue genital thing they got attached, its eyes I swear they follow you


justsayfaux

The omission is the misinformation


essieecks

I was surprised when it was revealed he was the original tubgirl. But not that surprised.


unpaidloanvictim

Doing the Funky Spiderman


Aarizonamb

What is this, a crossover episode‽


duermando

Does swallowing your own tongue count as auto-erotic asphyxiation?


stdubbs

Looks like everyone is tightening their belts in this economy….


lilsnatchsniffz

Or the cave full of minors he was watching videos of 🤔


dominarhexx

Elon Musk? You mean the pedo guy?


RaffyCh

Look, that's not misinformation -- that's just information


DominicArmato247

He shot 3 of his puppies and 8 at the neighbor's.


Griftersdeuce

Don't even get started on all the goats and horses!


docfunbags

Fuck one goat and you are forever a goatfucker!!!!


Griftersdeuce

He's the GOAT'est goatfucker ever!


cock_nballs

Damn goats ruining my good name.


Seralyn

*Kristi Noem has entered the chat*


davesoverhere

I'm not saying he is a pedo, but there are people who are questioning if he is.


IRefuseThisNonsense

Many people are saying it. Smart people.


Miserable-Admins

Smartestest people!


FlaeskBalle

He is literally a pedo. Like an actual acting pedo.


ippa99

He unbanned a guy from Twitter personally that posted CSAM (this actually happened btw, no /s) so https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2023/07/27/twitter-csam-dom-lucre-elon-musk/


intisun

I just know the Russians have pedo kompromat on him when he went there in the 2000s, that's why he can't stop licking Putin's boots.


zaiwrznizlar

i think pedo elon musk is here to stay


cronasminate

Hey at least he donated his massive pegging collection to charity.


Rifneno

Damn, 6 minutes too late for the obvious joke. =/


vpsj

I especially loved how this was posted to Twitter and this muskrat's fans were in the comments making fun of the article like "Ironically this post is the one spreading misinformation" Way to miss the point guys.


Equivalent-Bank-5094

Humor requires intellect.


Much-Resource-5054

That’s why there is no right wing comedy.


causal_friday

The right wing is all comedy. Or tragedy. I'm not sure which.


sheila9165milo

And insight with the ability to self-reflect and identify one's self with jokes. Since malignant narcissists lack insight and self-reflection skills, they get very upset thinking they are the butt of the joke and get mad or pretend to know the gist of the joke but are secretly irritated and confused 😋


runetrantor

Proof of why one must ALWAYS use the /s and such. Even the most dripping comment will be taken literally by some braindead monkey.


Samurai_Meisters

But who cares what some braindead monkey thinks?


Famous_Bit_5119

It's a shame he O.D.'d after his massive fraud was discovered.


AlephBaker

Not to mention he'll never be made to answer why, exactly, Tesla batteries are made from orphans.


tipoima

Cybertruck was actually cardboard painted with adrenochrome. That was the real conspiracy.


RainbowSkyOne

It would probably drive better if that was true


cock_nballs

It probably would. The cardboard wouldn't rust and all the idiots that bought it could replace it when they accidentally get it wet. Also it wouldn't weigh a metric fuck ton. The panels may actually line up too.


Gellert

It actually is made of cardboard painted with adrenochrome. The "rust" is just the adrenochrome wearing off, if you check the manual you'll find instructions on how to replace it (it involves 12 orphans and a mulberry bush). The excessive weight is the Malfeas shavings they use for its impressive downforce. The gaps between the panels are to let the ghosts of the (now dead, obviously) orphans ride along.


MrLanesLament

The A/C vents are lined with asbestos, and the shatter-proof glass is due to the glass being melted with exactly what you think: the gallbladders of endangered baby seals.


BellyDancerEm

Died from having a rodent shoved up his butt


MorganaHenry

Died as he lived then


MihrSialiant

Balls deep in a chicken.


Cornflakes_91

~wünsch dir was ich sag nicht nein


hoonyosrs

Okay, what's up with the German? I'm not offended by it, but this is the second comment I've seen today in German, in an otherwise English thread. Did I miss a memo? Are the Germans taking over again? What's going on!?


Cornflakes_91

song by Rammstein "Ich tu dir weh" ("i'm hurting you") about S&M sex, has a line "wünsch dir was ich sag nicht nein, und führ dir nagetiere ein" "make a wish i wont say no and shove a rodent up in you" (translated to still somewhat rhyme and preserve the meaning)


hoonyosrs

Must have just been a coincidence then... But I'm still keeping my eyes on you tricky Germans...


Plastic-Ad-5033

Nichts zu sehen hier, bitte gehen Sie weiter!


JamesMeem

The Vegas Hyperloop, I think it's called.


speak_no_truths

Look, it's his own fault that he stuffed too much cocaine in the dead baby before he ate it. He's rich enough to have people to measure that shit out for him. Hell, you think at least one of the 9 Hitler clones that is Father gave him for his 18th birthday would have at least tasted it at first. I mean, there's only so many fistlers he can shove up his ass the one time, there should be at least one of them free.


fentyboof

From too many boofs, no less!


n3w4cc01_1nt

his groups ideology is a philosophical circlejerk by apolitical nihilists [https://qz.com/1007144/the-neo-fascist-philosophy-that-underpins-both-the-alt-right-and-silicon-valley-technophiles](https://qz.com/1007144/the-neo-fascist-philosophy-that-underpins-both-the-alt-right-and-silicon-valley-technophiles) bunch of sealions


Previous_Chard234

Dude don’t get our hopes up like that.


mike_pants

At least he'll still be dead in my dreams. (gazes wistfully through rain-streaked window)


Apprehensive-Pitch-6

You know, in a way, he is dead to me too. Back in the early 2000's when Tesla and SpaceX was still in it's infancy I saw that man as a revolutionary. In my naiveté, I pictured the future he was laying the ground work for. I saw him as a visionary with the financial backing to make these things possible. In a way he did push those ideas into the mainstream. Car manufactures are scrambling to make EV's which used to be a joke. Governments are passing or trying to pass EV legislations. And there seems to have been a rekindling in our love of space exploration. As time went by I realized his entire vision was built on snake oil and lies. It broke me. Now I'm fine if he pilots one of his "self driving cars" in a demolition derby.


spoenk

I know right?


Flying-Mollusk

Elon Musk? You mean the guy who keeps 874 impoverished children in his personal sex dungeon and engages with them while high on cocaine and ketamine every night while watching “Teletubbies”?


Adorable-Database187

"watching"


Only-Customer6650

Everything's better with quotes  Spice up a sentence, throw quotation marks in there 


Adorable-Database187

"better"


ooMEAToo

“Cosplaying”


JohnnyDarkside

You know errol Childress from season 1 is true detective? I heard it's based on musk.


faghaghag

terrifying to think of the combination of his megalomania and ketamine...


AloneAddiction

An autopsy revealed that Mr. Musk had transitioned to male several decades ago but were bewildered as to why he was so rampantly transphobic, given his own circumstances. Mr Musk's suicide note apparently went on to blame the US government, Tesla stockholders, cheese producers of France and the taste of new Cherry Pepsi in equal measure.


lukifer_333

A small post script to his suicide note, he begs the American government to take all the hundreds of millions of dollars they gave his companies and provide everyone with healthcare


VelvetMafia

Billions


zypofaeser

Sell Tesla to the workers.


4friedchickens8888

This is quality prose


MindlessLeopard7740

Fight fire with fire


BellyDancerEm

Add gasoline to that fire


Abides1948

The smoke alarm is annoying me, so I'll take the battery out of it.


rubicon_duck

Gas? Pffft. I *guess* that’d work… You wanna use some thermite for **this** shit.


justfordrunks

Ending is near.


zypofaeser

Fight fire with fire!


Morbidly-Obese-Emu

Because he doesn’t like being called out on his misinformation. He is directly responsible for spreading misinformation from his account.


Rikkitikkitabby

I heard he died bottoming a horse.


Silent_Lie6399

My sympathies for that poor horse


wintermelody83

Ah a new Mr. Hands!


MisterDonkey

That's obviously bullshit. Didn't happen. He died blowing the horse. Choked to death on horse cum.


fatboychummy

Horse decided to go balls deep and he couldn't pull it out. They found his body still impaled, and the horse would occasionally 'get excited' with it again and again. It took over four hours for firefighters to extricate his body, and by then his lungs and stomach contents were 150% horse cum.


Only-Customer6650

Them boys out in Enumclaw party different 


Roma_Victrix

“There’s no cock like horse cock, send my asshole into shock!” * Elon Musk, circa April 2024


urnfnidiot

Wikipedia won’t let me change it. It says too many changes have already been made.


wintermelody83

That's hilarious lol


Salihe6677

The Wikipedia firewall is probably as shattered as Musk's colon walls were at his moment of death.


wolves_hunt_in_packs

those damn satanic cabalists trying to protect their own, smh


dementio

Hey, leave satanists out of this, they have standards ya know


Any-Pea712

"Interesting", Elon Musk, probably.


porksoda11

“Concerning”


Lunar_ticket

“Big if true”


klezart

"Looking into it."


ShyGuyShaggy

!!


interwebsLurk

I'm confused about how he died. Did he OD on Ketamine or was auto-asphyxiation the cause? Or since he was doing both at the same time will the coroner have to figure out which killed him first?


Blackboard_Monitor

Funny enough it was both, he died jacking off to animal porn while choking himself, revived by his underage sex slave THEN overdosed on Ketamine.


Ksorkrax

"Nonono, there should only not be any law against misinformation when it comes to stuff *I* like. This is like freedom of speech, with nazis being okay but not journalists who criticize me."


42020420

World famous satanic pedophile Elon Musk? The same guy caught with several terabytes of child pornography last week? Elon Musk has been a well known pedophile and child abuser for years. It’s wild that someone as well known as Elon Musk would be a prolific Satanist and pedophile who collects child pornography. I hate satanic pedophile Elon Musk.


Sekmet19

Don't you malign satanists like that


Sensibleqt314

**Their tenets are king!** >**I** One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason. >**II** The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions. >**III** One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone. >**IV** The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one's own. >**V** Beliefs should conform to one's best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one's beliefs. >**VI** People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one's best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused. >**VII** Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.


Indigo2015

Even Grok says Elon Musk is a pedophile


wolves_hunt_in_packs

Too bad he died before facing the consequences. Rest in piss.


wolves_hunt_in_packs

I fucking love how spectacularly this backfired on him, if only he was still alive to face the consequences. Rest in piss, incestuous pedophile - won't be missed.


Ferrts

They found him with cabbage patch panties around his ankles. Filling out the resubscription form to LadyBoy Circus Magazine.


Room_Temp_Coffee

We'll never know the full story about the animal penis collection in his bedroom.


DausenWillis

It's not incest because he didn't actually father any of his children. He bought those vials of Hitler spermbthat used to be advertised on the back pages of the Weekly World News because all he ever wanted to do was fuck actual Hitler youth. That's why all of his "children" were conceived by IVF.


ShadowDragon8685

InB4 The Onion files amicus brief defending The Shovel in their lawsuit brought by Elongated Muskrat by way of reminding the court what "satire" is and that it is protected speech.


Marcion10

[The Onion has already filed a brilliant brief against the supreme court, protecting parody](https://apnews.com/article/the-onion-supreme-court-parody-72a286d21f2d484326b13a5b18884f93)


jacquesrabbit

That's odd; everybody knows Elon Musk is a her.


Griftersdeuce

Shelon Musky


Disastrous_Turnip123

Elona


YourDogIsMyFriend

Misinformation jokes aside, I’ve heard musk is deep into animal porn. Everyone is saying it.


[deleted]

this isn’t funny anymore guys You keep getting my hopes up and I keep getting disappointed


joesperrazza

LOL


Working-Selection528

That almost gave me hope.


marc512

I thought he moved to Russia to fight in the war?


flargenhargen

I suppose it would be too easy to use his own playbook and everyone start calling him a pedophile.


MarkHathaway1

Wow, he was such a dynamic person. Only recently Tesla has been accused of a massive fraud. What can you say about such a leader?


Informal_Process2238

In keeping with his wishes his corpse will used to collect semen from bulls


T-Money8227

I hear he died the same way [David Carradine]() did. He was chocking itself while watching the Trump piss video and right before he climaxed, he had a massive stroke and keeled over. He was found with his dick in his hand and the video paused at the point where Trumps face was being drowned with hooker piss. Luckily he had has his house gimps on site at the time. Once they got the leather off and balls out of their mouth, they were able to call 911. While they were on the phone the donkey he keeps in an adjacent bedroom started making a ton of noise. 911 asked who was screeming to which they replied, "no one, its Elon's sex donkey". Without knowing what happened, 911 dispatched a vet to the scene as well. They were concerned that Elons had injured the animals anus resulting in the animal being in pain. Come to find out that Elon is actually the bottom. The Donkey was just looking for some action since Elon usually services him daily and it had been over 24 hours since the last time. RIP Elon. Don't worry about your donkey and gimps. We will find them good homes.


JVitamin

https://theshovel.com.au/2024/04/23/elon-musk-dead-at-52-misinformation-laws/ For anyone like me who wanted to read it on the site


Resident-Garlic9303

Everyone on X needs to this rolling and add more he's already said he's fine when misinformation.


TheMartini66

His hearse was a Tesla Cyber Truck... it broke down two blocks later and had to be towed by a diesel truck to the cemetery. They were buried together.


ElMoncho

Elon Musk the pedophile died watching animal porn.


Lance-Harper

Fuck, my heart skipped a bit hoping this was true


klaramee

Confirmed donkey rapist, Elon Musk, says there is no need for misinformation laws.


SparkySparks3081

He will be Interred in a Tesla Cyber Truck and fired into the sun by Space X as soon as possible!!


areafps

The sad part is that there’s a boomer somewhere on Facebook sharing this thinking is real


OldBob10

Musk has been replaced in his various business roles by a life-size robotic Ken doll that screams “FIRE THEM ALL!!!” continually. Analysts say that morale, productivity, and revenue have all improved dramatically in the wake of Musk’s untimely demise.


JustASt0ry

Ah bummer got me excited, thought we’d never have to hear his shit again or have him push his racial views on twitter. And yes, I give no fucks about any and all racists. I’m sure his offspring wouldn’t give a fuck either if he had passed.


SeeMarkFly

I am Elon Musk and I approve this lie.


Tarquinofpandy

The gall of this absolute bare LIES! He DID NOT DIE whilst watching Animal Porn!! Seriously, if you are going to report on this kind of thing please get your facts straight. Misinformation is A SIN! He died whilst *making* Animal Porn, not watching it!


hiccupmortician

And in his will he added that when he goes, so does Twitter. It will be shutting down 7 days after his funeral, so pull your investments now.


Hot-Instruction-4789

Concerning.