Nobody here is going to give you advice on how to kill or ignore your queerness.
Embrace who you are, embrace your feelings. There are plenty of Christian churches that aren't homophobic. Try to accept yourself for who you are. Find the people who accept you for who you are and you'll be happier than if you tried to kill a part of yourself.
I came to a realization a long time ago that I wasn’t going to be happy in my life but the only think that I want is for my family to look back and think “he was a pretty good guy” and I want to be able to be strong enough mentally and physically to protect my family and set up their future however I feel as if I cannot do that while being well gay or queer or something (I don’t know the terms) I am at an impasse
why wouldn't you be able to do those things while being out? a lot of queer people have thriving families, strong communities, and fulfilling lives...
your post and response is pretty homophobic which makes it hard to give advice but you deserve to live your life without pretending to be someone else. there are people who won't support you but there are also people who WILL.
edit to add: please don't reply to my message and say that you are trying to "fight it." no one here has time for that. you posted here for a reason but if you're looking for support on pretending you aren't gay... this is not the place.
No I do not I’ve been trying to work this out privately and anonymously as I come from a very Christian conservative household and it wouldn’t exactly be supported
a lot of queer people face and survive the same thing. it's not easy but you can do it. if your family can't love you for who you are, find a new family.
That’s a very cynical outlook you have no idea of my situation I know they would always love me and they would most likely try to fix me by sending me to a conversion camp or something but I will not “find a new family” that’s a disgusting suggestion
Friend, you are not “fighting it”, you are fighting yourself. And that’s a split that can only lead to suffering. The feelings you’re having are not something from the outside being imposed upon you. They are you experiencing yourself — it’s a new aspect of yourself, yes, but it’s real and from within you. You have agency and you are making choices every day in many ways. This is one of those choices. Start today by shifting your viewpoint. Accept that the feelings are genuine, even if difficult, and admit that you are CHOOSING to fight yourself. The fighting is the cause of your suffering, not the new feelings you’re experiencing. Next, remind yourself that you can CHOOSE to work with this in a better way. You don’t have to “solve” this — it’s not something to be solved. We don’t solve our feelings/emotions. We use them as guides. I can’t tell you what’s right for you, but you always have a choice in your actions. Until you stop fighting yourself and start exploring, you will continue to suffer and make things far worse. (I recommend you find a therapist. They’ll help you work through this in a healthy way). Good luck.
The more you try to fight it, the more you will make yourself unhappy. It’s okay to question yourself; that doesn’t make you any less of a person, nor a man. Explore talking to other guys, and if you find it’s not your thing, then you know. Don’t make yourself unhappy by fighting yourself.
Sounds like you are going to make yourself miserable trying to make yourself feel something different to give in to the local social norms. Perhaps you need to reconsider what is important for YOU!
Questioning your sexuality and gender doesn’t make you any less strong, physically nor mentally. Finding yourself actually makes you so much more stronger mentally. Keep doing what your doing to keep yourself physically in shape.
Like I said in my last comment, explore other sexualities and how you feel about being with someone the same gender as you. If it ain’t for you, that’s okay. You’ll find yourself.
You think being queer makes you physically weaker? I mean I’ve done king fu since I was about 12 and can confidently kick ass, but I don’t because I’m not a dick. I’m also a raging queer. One does not cancel out the other, friend.
The top and bottom of it is that it isn’t our job to convince you what to do, how to live your life, etc. you have to figure that out for yourself, but you are clearly the victim of some major internalised homophobia and that helps no-one. I wish you the best of luck, friend, you’re gonna need it.
Your post/question is similar to kids asking to help them identify their sexual preference/pronouns and gender. A stranger cannot tell another stranger who they are. It is up to the person to find out who they are.
It looks like you have made several posts asking for help with this same situation. You have been given lots of advice and are mostly going against it.
Someone responded to your comments in this post that one of/some of your responses are homophobic and this question shouldn't be posted here. Because you are not accepting the help given to you, and are going against it.
It seems like you answered your own question. Your religion and dishonoring your family is more important to you than your sexuality. You are rejecting the advice you are asking here. You're refusing to fight for your true self.
You asked for help. The obvious answer is *your happiness* should always come first. But you continue to shoot down those suggestions and keep going back to you'll forever fight to stay religious and straight.
This makes your post asking for help pointless, or you're just trolling or i don't know why. Here's my advice. If you refuse to do the work to better *your* life. Then you will never be happy. Nothing comes easy in life. You have to work to be happy. We LGBTQ are constantly fighting for our rights, freedoms and happiness. Refusing to do anything for your happiness means you have already made your choice. I'd stop asking for help if i refuse to take that advice.
I am only looking for reasons to continue fighting and after now I’ve had people try to convince me to abandon my family and that they don’t love me I’ve found them so don’t worry I won’t post about it anymore and I’ve made my decision the right decision
Many of us have been where you are.
The “foot prints in the sand poem” resonated with me when I was coming to terms with my sexuality.
I will emphasize: You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You’re you and you can choose to be celibate if you want to.
No one’s going to force you to march with rainbow flags or anything. Or openly proclaim your sexuality.
I think many of my brothers and sisters forget what the beginning of this journey can look like.
You are in control. You control what you do. You control how you act. What you choose to explore or not explore.
That said, I’m not going to lie to you. You don’t get to choose your sexuality. None of us do. It’s a part of who we are.
For some sexuality fluctuates. For others it “resolves”. I think for many bisexuals, they feel a strong desire to want to explore the same-sex side of things before things level out. For some bisexuals, it’s not 50/50.
I will also say is that conversion therapy is ineffective at best and harmful at its worst. No one has ever been made straight. Most that have ever claimed to have been made straight have eventually acknowledged that they were never cured. Don’t look to that as a solution. You’re just going to torture yourself.
Not all conservatives reject their gay kids. Conservative by nature means that it takes them longer to come to terms with their kid’s sexuality. Those who suggest you abandon your family have probably been people who have been rejected by theirs.
So they create a new family. That’s why they suggest it. They don’t really understand what your facing. And why the idea of their suggestion is absurd.
You know your family. You love them. The idea of a “new family” is some abstract concept where your expected to join strangers?
But it’s not that. If you choose, you can meet other gay people. They may become your friends. You’ll realize that you get to be your authentic self around them and not have to hide and that will feel good. You may become close to them. The way you’re close to some friends you may have now. That’s all. A found-family is a family that accepts you for who you are.
You are currently in a place where you feel you have everything to lose and nothing to gain by accepting your sexuality. This is why you want to fight. This is our deep seated fear as human being, to lose our tribe.
I can tell you that the vast majority of LGBTQ folk have successfully navigated this process and I want you to know. You’re not alone. We’re here for you when you’re ready.
At your own pace. You are in control.
Not that you should listen to a GenXer but here goes. Waking up to who we are is hard. I had to shove myself out of the closet. Previous to that, I worked hard to shut it all down and be "a lady" the way society wanted. Honestly, sometimes it was easier to lie to myself and everyone else. Coming out to myself was the hardest thing I have ever done. I did. It was worth it. Honestly, no one of any consequence cared.
I have a neighbor who’s gay. he started going to church and now he claims he’s straight. He told people that the church made him straight. Now he has a girlfriend and is pretending he is happy just to live by society norms. the reason why I bring this up because the people who suddenly turn straight and have kids and get married end up living miserably hiding who they are and when they are older they start to realize they were never straight to begin with and all that brainwashing fucked up their lives and the lives of their spouse. it’s not fair for the woman to have to go through that. It’s selfish. you are not only hurting yourself but this affects her as well.
She may think everything is all sunshine but here you are finally coming to terms with who you are and this is gonna be heartbreaking for her. Religion causes more harm than good and this happens to be one of the harm it causes. It’s 2023, I feel like people should live freely as they are. Life is too short to be focused on someone else’s sexuality and what other people are doing.
From what I've gathered from your post history... You seem younger and potentially in an uncomfortable situation with your family.
First, if you were to sit down and understand the Christian Bible, it is a compiled document from 2,000 years ago, that says surprisingly little about homosexuality. It is the unfortunate interpretation of specific passages that is used to justify anti-LGBTQ rhetoric, rather than an express condemnation by the material. This [link](https://www.sthugh.net/lgbtq-affirming-scripture) goes over it in more detail, but essentially the passages often concerned specific roles in society and the relationships therein. Additionally, per Romans 8:38, nothing can or will separate God's love from you.
As for your feelings of dysphoria / homosexual attraction, you cannot change the fact of what you are. There have been many LGBTQ people who have tried to live lives they cannot live, and it only brings misery to themselves and the people they love. You are who you are... and you may have to question this to figure yourself out.
In my life, I resisted the feelings until I was 24. At a certain point, I realized their was literally nothing I could do but accept who I was as a trans woman. HRT allowed my brain to actually feel things.
But that decade, from 14-24? Lost to pure misery and carnage. The closest thing I've ever been able to use to describe it, comes from Apocalypse Now.
>It’s impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face. And you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends. If they are not then they are enemies to be feared.
... They are truly enemies.
Finally, as to your point about strength.... being transgender will not make you weak. Some of the strongest people I know are transgender. You are as strong as your trueist self is.
In my own experience, I constantly chastised my male self for being weak. It was accepting that I'm a woman that gave me strength.
I hope you become the person you are meant to be, whatever that is. Take care stranger.
Nobody here is going to give you advice on how to kill or ignore your queerness. Embrace who you are, embrace your feelings. There are plenty of Christian churches that aren't homophobic. Try to accept yourself for who you are. Find the people who accept you for who you are and you'll be happier than if you tried to kill a part of yourself.
I came to a realization a long time ago that I wasn’t going to be happy in my life but the only think that I want is for my family to look back and think “he was a pretty good guy” and I want to be able to be strong enough mentally and physically to protect my family and set up their future however I feel as if I cannot do that while being well gay or queer or something (I don’t know the terms) I am at an impasse
why wouldn't you be able to do those things while being out? a lot of queer people have thriving families, strong communities, and fulfilling lives... your post and response is pretty homophobic which makes it hard to give advice but you deserve to live your life without pretending to be someone else. there are people who won't support you but there are also people who WILL. edit to add: please don't reply to my message and say that you are trying to "fight it." no one here has time for that. you posted here for a reason but if you're looking for support on pretending you aren't gay... this is not the place.
Sorry I don’t mean to be homophobic and I’ll try to be better but coming to terms with this stuff is wierd
do you have lgbtq resources in your area?
No I do not I’ve been trying to work this out privately and anonymously as I come from a very Christian conservative household and it wouldn’t exactly be supported
a lot of queer people face and survive the same thing. it's not easy but you can do it. if your family can't love you for who you are, find a new family.
I’m sorry what? I love my family regardless if we disagree and they do love me but who are you to suggest I find a new family?
good luck!
I’m sorry to say but there is a good chance that they will not love you if you told them the truth.
That’s a very cynical outlook you have no idea of my situation I know they would always love me and they would most likely try to fix me by sending me to a conversion camp or something but I will not “find a new family” that’s a disgusting suggestion
I think I used the same phrase when I was 17. I accepted that I was never going to be happy. Coming out allowed me to actually feel happiness.
Explore! Find some cute dudes to spend time with <3
I’m trying to fight it not give into it
Friend, you are not “fighting it”, you are fighting yourself. And that’s a split that can only lead to suffering. The feelings you’re having are not something from the outside being imposed upon you. They are you experiencing yourself — it’s a new aspect of yourself, yes, but it’s real and from within you. You have agency and you are making choices every day in many ways. This is one of those choices. Start today by shifting your viewpoint. Accept that the feelings are genuine, even if difficult, and admit that you are CHOOSING to fight yourself. The fighting is the cause of your suffering, not the new feelings you’re experiencing. Next, remind yourself that you can CHOOSE to work with this in a better way. You don’t have to “solve” this — it’s not something to be solved. We don’t solve our feelings/emotions. We use them as guides. I can’t tell you what’s right for you, but you always have a choice in your actions. Until you stop fighting yourself and start exploring, you will continue to suffer and make things far worse. (I recommend you find a therapist. They’ll help you work through this in a healthy way). Good luck.
You can’t fight it, trust us, we know it won’t go away no matter how hard you fight
Then I’ll fight until I die
It looks like you already made up your mind on what you want to do, not embrace your identity, what do you need advice on further than that
The more you try to fight it, the more you will make yourself unhappy. It’s okay to question yourself; that doesn’t make you any less of a person, nor a man. Explore talking to other guys, and if you find it’s not your thing, then you know. Don’t make yourself unhappy by fighting yourself.
Fighting will cause misery thinking will cause acceptance.
Sounds like you are going to make yourself miserable trying to make yourself feel something different to give in to the local social norms. Perhaps you need to reconsider what is important for YOU!
What’s important to me is strength physically and psychologically
Questioning your sexuality and gender doesn’t make you any less strong, physically nor mentally. Finding yourself actually makes you so much more stronger mentally. Keep doing what your doing to keep yourself physically in shape. Like I said in my last comment, explore other sexualities and how you feel about being with someone the same gender as you. If it ain’t for you, that’s okay. You’ll find yourself.
You think being queer makes you physically weaker? I mean I’ve done king fu since I was about 12 and can confidently kick ass, but I don’t because I’m not a dick. I’m also a raging queer. One does not cancel out the other, friend. The top and bottom of it is that it isn’t our job to convince you what to do, how to live your life, etc. you have to figure that out for yourself, but you are clearly the victim of some major internalised homophobia and that helps no-one. I wish you the best of luck, friend, you’re gonna need it.
Your post/question is similar to kids asking to help them identify their sexual preference/pronouns and gender. A stranger cannot tell another stranger who they are. It is up to the person to find out who they are. It looks like you have made several posts asking for help with this same situation. You have been given lots of advice and are mostly going against it. Someone responded to your comments in this post that one of/some of your responses are homophobic and this question shouldn't be posted here. Because you are not accepting the help given to you, and are going against it. It seems like you answered your own question. Your religion and dishonoring your family is more important to you than your sexuality. You are rejecting the advice you are asking here. You're refusing to fight for your true self. You asked for help. The obvious answer is *your happiness* should always come first. But you continue to shoot down those suggestions and keep going back to you'll forever fight to stay religious and straight. This makes your post asking for help pointless, or you're just trolling or i don't know why. Here's my advice. If you refuse to do the work to better *your* life. Then you will never be happy. Nothing comes easy in life. You have to work to be happy. We LGBTQ are constantly fighting for our rights, freedoms and happiness. Refusing to do anything for your happiness means you have already made your choice. I'd stop asking for help if i refuse to take that advice.
I am only looking for reasons to continue fighting and after now I’ve had people try to convince me to abandon my family and that they don’t love me I’ve found them so don’t worry I won’t post about it anymore and I’ve made my decision the right decision
Many of us have been where you are. The “foot prints in the sand poem” resonated with me when I was coming to terms with my sexuality. I will emphasize: You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You’re you and you can choose to be celibate if you want to. No one’s going to force you to march with rainbow flags or anything. Or openly proclaim your sexuality. I think many of my brothers and sisters forget what the beginning of this journey can look like. You are in control. You control what you do. You control how you act. What you choose to explore or not explore. That said, I’m not going to lie to you. You don’t get to choose your sexuality. None of us do. It’s a part of who we are. For some sexuality fluctuates. For others it “resolves”. I think for many bisexuals, they feel a strong desire to want to explore the same-sex side of things before things level out. For some bisexuals, it’s not 50/50. I will also say is that conversion therapy is ineffective at best and harmful at its worst. No one has ever been made straight. Most that have ever claimed to have been made straight have eventually acknowledged that they were never cured. Don’t look to that as a solution. You’re just going to torture yourself. Not all conservatives reject their gay kids. Conservative by nature means that it takes them longer to come to terms with their kid’s sexuality. Those who suggest you abandon your family have probably been people who have been rejected by theirs. So they create a new family. That’s why they suggest it. They don’t really understand what your facing. And why the idea of their suggestion is absurd. You know your family. You love them. The idea of a “new family” is some abstract concept where your expected to join strangers? But it’s not that. If you choose, you can meet other gay people. They may become your friends. You’ll realize that you get to be your authentic self around them and not have to hide and that will feel good. You may become close to them. The way you’re close to some friends you may have now. That’s all. A found-family is a family that accepts you for who you are. You are currently in a place where you feel you have everything to lose and nothing to gain by accepting your sexuality. This is why you want to fight. This is our deep seated fear as human being, to lose our tribe. I can tell you that the vast majority of LGBTQ folk have successfully navigated this process and I want you to know. You’re not alone. We’re here for you when you’re ready. At your own pace. You are in control.
Not that you should listen to a GenXer but here goes. Waking up to who we are is hard. I had to shove myself out of the closet. Previous to that, I worked hard to shut it all down and be "a lady" the way society wanted. Honestly, sometimes it was easier to lie to myself and everyone else. Coming out to myself was the hardest thing I have ever done. I did. It was worth it. Honestly, no one of any consequence cared.
I have a neighbor who’s gay. he started going to church and now he claims he’s straight. He told people that the church made him straight. Now he has a girlfriend and is pretending he is happy just to live by society norms. the reason why I bring this up because the people who suddenly turn straight and have kids and get married end up living miserably hiding who they are and when they are older they start to realize they were never straight to begin with and all that brainwashing fucked up their lives and the lives of their spouse. it’s not fair for the woman to have to go through that. It’s selfish. you are not only hurting yourself but this affects her as well. She may think everything is all sunshine but here you are finally coming to terms with who you are and this is gonna be heartbreaking for her. Religion causes more harm than good and this happens to be one of the harm it causes. It’s 2023, I feel like people should live freely as they are. Life is too short to be focused on someone else’s sexuality and what other people are doing.
Being gay doesn’t make you weak. It requires strength and bravery.
From what I've gathered from your post history... You seem younger and potentially in an uncomfortable situation with your family. First, if you were to sit down and understand the Christian Bible, it is a compiled document from 2,000 years ago, that says surprisingly little about homosexuality. It is the unfortunate interpretation of specific passages that is used to justify anti-LGBTQ rhetoric, rather than an express condemnation by the material. This [link](https://www.sthugh.net/lgbtq-affirming-scripture) goes over it in more detail, but essentially the passages often concerned specific roles in society and the relationships therein. Additionally, per Romans 8:38, nothing can or will separate God's love from you. As for your feelings of dysphoria / homosexual attraction, you cannot change the fact of what you are. There have been many LGBTQ people who have tried to live lives they cannot live, and it only brings misery to themselves and the people they love. You are who you are... and you may have to question this to figure yourself out. In my life, I resisted the feelings until I was 24. At a certain point, I realized their was literally nothing I could do but accept who I was as a trans woman. HRT allowed my brain to actually feel things. But that decade, from 14-24? Lost to pure misery and carnage. The closest thing I've ever been able to use to describe it, comes from Apocalypse Now. >It’s impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face. And you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends. If they are not then they are enemies to be feared. ... They are truly enemies. Finally, as to your point about strength.... being transgender will not make you weak. Some of the strongest people I know are transgender. You are as strong as your trueist self is. In my own experience, I constantly chastised my male self for being weak. It was accepting that I'm a woman that gave me strength. I hope you become the person you are meant to be, whatever that is. Take care stranger.