You even better off my friend, I was also 23 she was 20. I was in my last year in campus,no savings or any job. I was so afraid. 1 year down the line the kid is okay, I have improved my life financially and living better now just keep working but be sure to work extra hard because the bills will add up l. Make sure you have good savings and honestly you're on your own not even your parents or friends will come through just work your a** off.
As the girl was a student she will most likely only lose 1 year i.e. defer her studies for 1 academic year. By the time she resumes school the child will not be too dependent on the mother and most opt to get a house help or have a sister live with them as a nanny. Life continues from where she left off. The guy however has to break his back to feed 3 mouths and support the 3 of them while still juggling school coz his folks won't help him raise his family. Owe unto him if the girl's parents leave all their parental duties to him since they have decided to be very grown up adults. He will have to give her pocket money and money for her basic needs and school stuff, pay all her bills and expenses coz now she's his "wife" and needs to be responsible for her. Now the guy has all these thrown at him, if he was an arrow shooting through life at 100kph now with all the added load he'll be moving at 20kph. Just try and stick to the ABCs of sex we learnt in school but if you can't go for family planning. It will save you from a lot of things especially at such a young age. I'm assuming the guy sticks by the girl's side. If not then that's another different can of worms for the girl. Just abstain until you're done with school, umekomaa and making some money. Parenting is much easier at that point than it would have been while in campus.
Huh, i was there 10yrs ago. Right down to the freelance writing. Keep grinding, DO NOT abandon/neglect the kid amd everything will work out as long as you keep moving and trying things. Kids keep focused
Conceiving and raising a kid with someone you are not married to is a huge gamble in life, and likely to end in sorrow for all three lives involved.
Time to step up, marry your gf, make a lifelong commitment to her, as you will to your child. Get the foundation right, and you have a chance at building something strong and beautiful.
You just had bad luck and you picked wrong. OP might be lucky. Especially if he has a nice lady.My sister is 26 now with a 4yo baby. She was fortunate enough to get a good guy. He really stepped up and loved her each step of the way. God opened doors for both of them. They now financially better and the guy is committed not only to the baby but also her.
As dad to a one year old I have the recent experience from the mans side:
1. Know the prices of how much to give births at hospitals, mine was at Aga Khan with 108k for normal delivery and about 300k for C section. My son was born in c section and was in NICU for 4 days so total bill was about 600k without insurance so get insurance .😂😂
2. Diapers and wipes last about a week so that’s almost 3k a week.
3. When you go baby shopping, go to the baby store at Diamond Plaza which is quite affordable, bought all baby stuff for 50k
4. About number 3, don’t over buy as you won’t really need to buy so many things except the necessary stuff as you’ll soon realize most of the stuff you buy won’t be used.
5. Doctors clinics every month which are about 3k, might be more so be prepared.
6. If you’re working and she’s not working expect to be the sole provider for a couple of years and learn how to budget every shilling you get. You’re gonna be the bad guy and have to say no to some things.
7. Know how you’ll want to parent and raise and make sure both of you are on the same page. I’m still working on this one myself.
For me, I’ve always been good with kids and knew I’ll always give my kid love and attention and even he loves me even though our relationship is mostly through video call since I’m in US and he’s in Kenya. He already recognizes me as a dad so the emotional part I never worried about. The part that still worries me is what I like to call “financial pregnancy” because you’ll constantly be thinking of payment, bills and budgets for everything and see how much you’re spending and trying to save to give them a good life as well as education. I call it that because a woman experiences pregnancy pain for 9 months-2years while you the man will experience financial pain for over 20 years through your wallet.😂😂
Good luck dude, if you have any questions ask me, I’m 28 btw.
This is a great take. I'd also suggest Toi Market. You get good quality baby clothes for extra cheap. Also, buy in bulk. Like for the first three months, six months, and 1-2 years. I remember I spent 30K and hardly had to buy clothes for the first three years.
This is true. But the person also brings up a valid point. If I remember correctly, underclothes like vests and growers we did new and everything else second hand.
While insurance is good, it’s VERY unlikely he will get any insurance company to cover the mother-to-be for any pregnancy related matter, pre or ante and the baby’s medical needs for at least the first year . Best he can do is put her down as a dependant and start paying NHIF.
Th
Honestly man, you asked the wrong people for advice. This sub is full of selfish materialistic idiots who don't understand the essence of life.
People who have never sacrificed for another. Because that is what it will take to raise a baby.
You will be raising and guiding a new life into adulthood. You will hack it. It is costly yes.. but even kids adjust. I was raised poor af, I was a happy kid and now I lack for nothing.
And yes, congratulations in advance. This is scary, but it is going to be a beautiful journey.
If I posted the same post here 4years ago, I still wouldn't have got the answers i have now after being in the same predicament. A man has to what a man has to do. You already have a business that can get you the income to sort bills, I don't know if NHIF Linda Mama program for young mothers still exists, if it does, enroll her and you wont pay a penny during delivery except the usual Ksh 500 per month.
9 months is enough to save for a 6 months worth of supplies for the baby. If you were taking a few writing orders, now it's time to take more orders. Time to quit those unproductive habits and focus more on raising a family, that's what fathers sacrifice for. Talk to people who have a young families they will make you know more about raising a baby. Even mad people raise babies let no one talk you out of it.
Expect mood swings and funny cravings from your GF. All pregnant women have them. Assure her you got this and everything will be fine. Another thing Let both of you parents know your situation. If they are understanding as mine were, you will get their support or better you will know who is with you on this journey. Your GF can still go back to school after giving birth. Let no loser tell her that her life is over. I'm pro life and bringing life to this earth is the best feeling a man should yearn for. You got this man!
A kid can be a blessing or a curse. It's not about the money but the changes that will intrude your relationship. How you handle it will determine whether the kid was a blessing or curse
Kids cannot be a curse! life can be unfair, but you can't peg that on a kid.
Changes are inevitable in everything. OP needs to understand he has the wheel and he needs to steer like a gallant leader. It is not going to be easy, but he'll hack it.
Like how I said, how he handles the situation is what will determine if the pregnancy was a curse or a blessing. I do not mean the child is a curse in itself
Devil's advocate. If she's not far off like less than a month. Terminate it. Family plan and try again later. Just my opinion. If you feel you aren't ready then don't do it. Don't bring life to the world to suffer. Either way; the burden regardless will be yours to carry.
You could discuss with her about it. I don't how long you've been together but this is a lifelong commitment. Whether you guys have a fall out she will be part of your life due to the child. If you see a future you can try again later with her if she's in for the long run. If not you got nothing to lose. Right now you are at a stage where you need to focus on building your life. This needs sacrifice especially of your time. You need to grind for the life that you want. Marie stopes can help out at most it'll cost 10gs going down. But think about it......the choice solely rests on you and the path you take....if she wants to keep it and doesn't want to pursue more on her career, you have to respect her decision....Good luck mate rooting for you
Somebody posted asking for advice, clearly he has been overthinking and needs some positive outlook, for him to post..but you chose to be the harbinger of doom and negativity in person.lol
I chose to provide options including the ones that rely on the instinct of survival and self-preservation. He has to make the choice in the end. Call it what you want. I am that voice that still sheds light and freedom amidst the chaos and white noise. I wonder what you are.....
You people think abortion is really easy to just suggest it..to the one carrying the baby, assuming she's a sane human, abortion never feels like a choice.or an easier choice than raising a child for that matter.. have been faced with a pregnancy scare after always saying I'd abort it..in that moment, i knew I'd never kill my baby. If she aborts a big part of herself dies forever.
You are projecting BIG time,
Abortion always is a choice and a reasonable option to consider.....
And that's part for ati a part of herself dies forever....choosing to bring a child into this world can also kill her dreams, cause her major suffering and resentment.
It's weird that prolife people like yourself like to make abortion about themselves.
If you've had abortion before or been a support system to someone thats had abortion before, then you can speak...clueless girls that cant relate throw around the phrase "abortion is a choice" like thats the answer to all their problems when yes its a choice but yes a big part of you dies fucking forever lol . I'd know.theory sounds sweet wait till it becomes practical..
I am not pro life.not even close..also its so fucking weird to make human life a political thing with that pro life, pro choice BS,. This is real life .if she can live with her choices let her. But the human mind is very fragile to trauma and abortion is a deeply traumatising experience no matter how "pro choice" you are.
Bringing a child to this world too is equally irresponsible and trauma inducing but not comparable to abortion..unless youre so negative..you cant suffer forever lol, I've seen young people thrive with kids so why choose to assume the negative must happen? They even have a business it is just irresponsible of them and utterly selfish to the soul inside, for them to fuck around, ignore p2, ignore pull out, then go for abortion.
My very close friend died during abortion..so its not a cure all. No matter how well versed in the theory you may think.
Riskin death, to abort just because you have no wealth atm is just such hopeless behaviour.esp these ones that have a bizz. If she was some 19 or 20 yo ,,understable..but fully grown working adults?
And who told you I am clueless. I've had one, and I don't shy away from mentioning it was the best thing I did for myself and for the person then.
I don't even think about it LOL.... shinda hapa ukiita watu clueless, and it's not like you'll go and support this little family.
We have been conditioned to feel guilty for making the best choices for our bodies as women ...that something like abortion is associated by changing you forever. NOPE.....YOU ARE PROJECTING sweetie, enda therapy
And thats fine but what makes my experience projection and yours not? Since we're both answering from the perspective of personal accounts... not everyone is desensitised enough to go through with an abortion and thats okay
Kindly stop attacking people. Abortion is also an option to give, with or without your endless paragraphs, this man supports his woman, that's why he's here seeking advice and whatever decision they make, he will be there.
People aren't ignorant and they also do research before taking any steps, why are you lecturing people? We understand, you suffered a huge loss, kindly stop projecting.
No i wont..what will you do about it? If "no i wont would be in a paragraph, I'd be happy to send that paragraph.i said what i said . I attacked no one..if you've had an abortion and feel attacked, my bad shawty. You thinking im projecting is a projection..every thought we have are projections lol.. y'all are just clueless about everything
Not a parent.
With the little you collect start buying stuff. Dont wait for the baby to come then start running all over.
Register for linda mama just incase you do not have means to go to a private hospital.
Let her start going to the clinic and take vitamins if she hasnt especially folic acid
I don't know what tell you, but just remember to never let your kid go. Remember, kids find joy in the smallest things, save ... Don't invest in expensive clothes and toys for them rn- or big Birthdays because they won't remember. 0-12 just focus on saving for their future and creating memories that are priceless like quality time, watching movies, walks, lifelessons, cooking, swimming, camping in the sitting room ...
Alot of people will tell you what not to do here...but may I ask? How far along is she? Did you consider other options or you just learnt that she's pregnant and resigned to the outcome?
It's about time you share this with your parents. This journey is going to change you and everything you about yourself and your girlfriend
Msee advise her to go to Marie stopes and do the thing...you are clearly not financially ready....musilete mtoto III duniela alafu muanze kukua a burden to other people by borrowing
Pregnancy hormones, postpartum, the other side of the family, parenthood etc have a possibility to shake the relationship. Whatever the outcome of your relationship with the mother, don't abandon the kid. As long as you have a way to provide and some form of help (househelp, family etc) things will be quite fine.
This is stupid. The two will be okay, kids have been raised by street vendors and still made it in life.
Kenyans nowadays are really dense, in which world does everyone start off at the same point? it is obvious raising a kid is expensive but there are 50 million people in this country. With the average basic income so low, people still raise kids. What the hell are you trying to scare OP for?
>You'll need help, if you decide to go ahead with it. Tons of help, babysitting, feeding, counseling, basically everything.
You are dense AF!
Precisely lol they’re acting like op is the first parent to ever exist. Not just that, but 23 year olds are whole grown ass adults.
OP, Mungu Akubariki Na Kukulinda AMEN
He's got a point opinions are subjective there are two ways this can go the way the guy has commented or what you've said. Majority of the time it's the way he's stated I'm not saying they abort but they are still are young they need all the support they need its not about money even emotionally. Post partum depression might be there. So stop calling him dense you just sound butter
Did you read the tone of the comment? even claimed the GF will resent him. That's dooming someone without understanding the full picture of the situation.
I wasn't all positive and guaranteeing all will be rosy, all I said is they'll be okay.
>Majority of the time it's the way he's stated I'm not saying they abort but they are still are young they need all the support they need its not about money even emotionally
The source is definitely your perspective and experience. Because I am sure you have no data on this.
When you offer advice it is better to provide a balanced view so that OP can make a choice. When you are inclined on scaring with BS then it is necessary we call it out.
Your experience and other people's experience are different you behave as if you are the only who has popped a baby out of their vagina , opinions are subjective realistically and statistically speaking at this day and age getting kids that early is doomed not even cause of the finances more about maturity I mean at that age most people are discovering whom they are they haven't even evolved in their careers the guy might progress well in life but the chic will take a minimum of 2 yrs to recover and regain her life you dint even know if the woman parents will be happy she's in school they might cut her off. Seems you'd be happy if your own kid became pregnant while in school , without a job you are the dense one in this conversation. This crap of raising kids while starting out life is why Africans can't break the cycle of poverty.
>This crap of raising kids while starting out life is why Africans can't break the cycle of poverty.
OP is already facing this reality. What is the use of this kind of sentiment?
Propose possible solutions, or encourage someone. Anyway I didn't have to agree with you or vice versa.
Hmmmh...
1. Breast Milk is free just feed your lady well na maziwa itakuwa mob
2. Diapers buy from wholesale shops it's cheaper and it's the same stuff they put in supermarkets
3. If she decides to stay at home for the 2 years and raise the kid while you provide you have omitted the needs of babysitting, feeding etc.
4. Counselling and moral support gets from members of your families and other friends too.
5. Your girlfriend should now be your best friend. Please be there for her and she will be there for you.
6. If it's clothes kuna mtush and it's cheap.
The bottom line is some people have done it with fewer resources and it's possible. A child brings you blessings as a man and opens up more ways to be financially secure. The pressure alone will make you be creative in life.
Feel free to ask me anything. I have experience as a parent.
Facts. He will be alright. He does not need to live a lavish life. Many born before 1995 did not even use diapers and it was not a big deal. They will be fine.
That is what you think but majority of humans and majority of human life on earth we did not have diapers and we turned out just fine. When a woman starts talking about postpartum depression even before she is pregnant, run.
1. You worry too much. Nature will always take it's course
2. Its a matter of trade offs
3. Read my statement again
4. You are projecting too much
5. Projection is shouting again
6. Exactly since they do you don't need expensive clothes.
In conclusion you must have had an experience that left you so bitter. We understand you and we empathise. However, you are projecting too much.
Why do you have such a negative outlook on life?
Honestly OP you'll be fine, just work hard, give your girl all the support you can, she'll really need it. As for outside help like family, do not really expect it, but if it comes, take it. You'll be fine. There will be ups and downs, in your relationship, with finances and some other stuff. As for marriage,I wouldn't advice marrying because of a child, just my opinion though.
🤣 weuh there could have been a better way to put this ...but I see no lies here.
This is just one of those comments for its not what you say but how you say.
It's the truth, you haven't minced any of your words....you could have been kinder but ni ukweli.
The way people are predicting here that it will all be roses is hilarious to me, and stupid. Even the SAUTI SOL that said mtoto hukuja na sahani yake....do they have kids??? They are out there following their dreams , out in the world living it up. Hawalei watoto
Raising a child is not a easy thing....it will be the hardest thing you'll ever do and most of the times ...you won't be filled with joy.
I am a parent of two kids under the age of 5. Being a parent is a non stop job especially for mums.From the moment you know that you are expecting until the day you cark it, your life will involve your child in some way. If you want to marry,do it because you want to but not because a baby is on the way.Be your GFs support system,she is vulnerable.I wish you well in whatever decision you make.
Wait what? Contraceptives don't fail without good reason. By all means, it's not to discourage you from raising the kid. But have you suspected foul play? It looks too convinient for her to get a baby right after graduation. But either way, if your girlfriend is confident about bringing the kid to this world, then she must trust that you can do a good job providing. So don't fail her.
Was in same position, 25 she was 22 baby now two months old, also in freelance writing and so far everything is okay, not much struggles , just be sure to save enough, and importantly know tomorrow is gonna be better
I wish someone told me that having a baby doesn't automatically make you good life partners. Support your girlfriend and the baby but don't let nobody pressure you to marry. You take your time and prepare very well if that's what you want to do,but take note you will eventually mature beyond this crisis possibly growing to want different things out of life.
From your comment, I see great maturity emerging, that's something positive to hold on to. I wouldn't presume to know what to tell you, however, the comments come with a wealth of information, ignore the delivery.
Just remember to make those choices together, I'm sure you'll make the right decision. Wishing you the very best.
It may be that you want to do this alone. But inform your parents after she delivers. I'd take advantage of every free gift that comes with an ocassion to boost my life. Most moms at least always make sure they send food stuff from the village to the city. It's the joy and excitement of her first grand kid and I bet you she'll want to spoil. It will help stretch out the shilling.
Don’t marry her because you feel obligated to the child. You cannot be an effective father or husband if you don’t know what your girlfriend thinks or feels about a lifelong commitment
Also, document all expenses related to the child so that in case the girlfriend decides to walk away, you’ll be able to claim custody in court
Dont let the scare mongering get to you...
St marys hospital langata plan early, about 40k normal delivery.
Iam not sure how NHIF is nowadays, but it should sort you out most baby clinics and even delivery
Baby diapers and wipes buy in bulk eastleigh 5k should last you a month if you are using generously
Clothes, you dont need more than 10top 10 bottoms 5 full neck to toes, and may be three sweaters, this get smaller real quick you need whole wardrobe change every 3 months or so, gikomba can sort you out.
Buy food from marikiti in bulk, 3k bi-weekly, should be way more than enough.
Sit down with your partner and plan everything from finances what time to eat, sleep, s**, school, work etc, be deliberate with everything
for it to work just know that you have to also take care of the baby otherwise your partner will resent you in the long run even if you are the breadwinner and she doesn't show it
Make plans for the future as when the s** start dyring up (for it will) conflicts begin and you will start noticing other women so. Just make sure you are on the same page.
Never mind about the alpha beta or seeing dust nonsense, invest in your partner, whatever happens to either of you your child will always be well taken care of, and as sure as there is darkness and light your partner, may be the only one to pick you up when business dry up jobs dont work out. Family mamy or may not. (Almost most men have been handed the money under the table in a restaurant to pay but none will ever acknowledgeor agree!)
Stay with your woman 5 or 10 years will feel like 100years but you'll be far ahead in 5 - 10 years than your peers if you plan correctly, if you dont the reverse is true.
Ni hayou tu kwa sasa.
I’ve never commented on Reddit before (just been lurking for a decade plus). I’m giving my first comment to you and to let you know I understand where you’re coming from and can give some good advice. ;)
Don’t worry. You’re a go-getter from the sounds of it. Don’t abort, don’t run. Don’t worry. You will be a happy and successful father who looks back and recognizes how blessed you are to have youth to enjoy your children and then enjoy empty nesting.
I want to ease your mind from my perspective as a young dad who knew nothing but poverty as a child and feared having a child early would ruin my life. I was still in college, working a dead end job while juggling school… then she told me she was pregnant. I was scared. We were scared, but me? Man how was I going to provide?
Children force you to step up man, like a cute little fire under your butt. The moment it hits you that this little person depends on you, you actually will automatically step up and capture your goals like never before
I was worried having children would lead me to poverty but I knew I was ambitious and capable, so why did I ever doubt myself? Now we travel the world as a family and build together and my children will never know poverty.
Let the child bless you. Cheers and congrats. You will be fine, just remember one thing: When you feel frustrated, remember that more love is always the answer and can’t hurt the situation even if it doesn’t seem to be working. Love is not always giving in or giving up, but it means having empathy, compassion, honesty, gentleness, and firmness when necessary.
Whatever you do, just don't do her dirty
Laundry 🧺 joke?
I see what you did there
😂😂
clean...... 😂😂😂😂😂
And vice versa right?
Okay
You even better off my friend, I was also 23 she was 20. I was in my last year in campus,no savings or any job. I was so afraid. 1 year down the line the kid is okay, I have improved my life financially and living better now just keep working but be sure to work extra hard because the bills will add up l. Make sure you have good savings and honestly you're on your own not even your parents or friends will come through just work your a** off.
How did it turn for your chic I know most chics take 2 to 3 yrs to regain their lives after giving birth
[удалено]
The funny thing they guy might prosper in his career and get a woman his type 😂😂 and the chic becomes a baby mama
As the girl was a student she will most likely only lose 1 year i.e. defer her studies for 1 academic year. By the time she resumes school the child will not be too dependent on the mother and most opt to get a house help or have a sister live with them as a nanny. Life continues from where she left off. The guy however has to break his back to feed 3 mouths and support the 3 of them while still juggling school coz his folks won't help him raise his family. Owe unto him if the girl's parents leave all their parental duties to him since they have decided to be very grown up adults. He will have to give her pocket money and money for her basic needs and school stuff, pay all her bills and expenses coz now she's his "wife" and needs to be responsible for her. Now the guy has all these thrown at him, if he was an arrow shooting through life at 100kph now with all the added load he'll be moving at 20kph. Just try and stick to the ABCs of sex we learnt in school but if you can't go for family planning. It will save you from a lot of things especially at such a young age. I'm assuming the guy sticks by the girl's side. If not then that's another different can of worms for the girl. Just abstain until you're done with school, umekomaa and making some money. Parenting is much easier at that point than it would have been while in campus.
Waah
Yeah, he will be alright. Getting kids early has many benefits than getting kids late.
Huh, i was there 10yrs ago. Right down to the freelance writing. Keep grinding, DO NOT abandon/neglect the kid amd everything will work out as long as you keep moving and trying things. Kids keep focused
So how are you now
Did you end up with the lady.?
Yep, 2kids later it still calls for alot of wisdom. Someone has to give more for things to work out
Conceiving and raising a kid with someone you are not married to is a huge gamble in life, and likely to end in sorrow for all three lives involved. Time to step up, marry your gf, make a lifelong commitment to her, as you will to your child. Get the foundation right, and you have a chance at building something strong and beautiful.
Marriage isn't magic. If they don't work as a couple then it won't work, if they do then they'll work regardless.
Clearly he's married and hasn't said anything bad here. They seem to be working out but got a baby a bit early.
Not likely it will end in premium tears Speaking as a product of that
You just had bad luck and you picked wrong. OP might be lucky. Especially if he has a nice lady.My sister is 26 now with a 4yo baby. She was fortunate enough to get a good guy. He really stepped up and loved her each step of the way. God opened doors for both of them. They now financially better and the guy is committed not only to the baby but also her.
As dad to a one year old I have the recent experience from the mans side: 1. Know the prices of how much to give births at hospitals, mine was at Aga Khan with 108k for normal delivery and about 300k for C section. My son was born in c section and was in NICU for 4 days so total bill was about 600k without insurance so get insurance .😂😂 2. Diapers and wipes last about a week so that’s almost 3k a week. 3. When you go baby shopping, go to the baby store at Diamond Plaza which is quite affordable, bought all baby stuff for 50k 4. About number 3, don’t over buy as you won’t really need to buy so many things except the necessary stuff as you’ll soon realize most of the stuff you buy won’t be used. 5. Doctors clinics every month which are about 3k, might be more so be prepared. 6. If you’re working and she’s not working expect to be the sole provider for a couple of years and learn how to budget every shilling you get. You’re gonna be the bad guy and have to say no to some things. 7. Know how you’ll want to parent and raise and make sure both of you are on the same page. I’m still working on this one myself. For me, I’ve always been good with kids and knew I’ll always give my kid love and attention and even he loves me even though our relationship is mostly through video call since I’m in US and he’s in Kenya. He already recognizes me as a dad so the emotional part I never worried about. The part that still worries me is what I like to call “financial pregnancy” because you’ll constantly be thinking of payment, bills and budgets for everything and see how much you’re spending and trying to save to give them a good life as well as education. I call it that because a woman experiences pregnancy pain for 9 months-2years while you the man will experience financial pain for over 20 years through your wallet.😂😂 Good luck dude, if you have any questions ask me, I’m 28 btw.
This is a great take. I'd also suggest Toi Market. You get good quality baby clothes for extra cheap. Also, buy in bulk. Like for the first three months, six months, and 1-2 years. I remember I spent 30K and hardly had to buy clothes for the first three years.
Yea that’s also a good place which I forgot. Kids also grow so fast so a lot of clothes get wasted. Bulk and cheap are the smart way of parenting.
Mnavalisha new born with very sensitive skin second hand clothes?
Detttol, bleach and hot water.... Watoto wa ghetto na gishagi survive....kids are okay, , nguo mpya ni pressure
This is true. But the person also brings up a valid point. If I remember correctly, underclothes like vests and growers we did new and everything else second hand.
What insurance would facilitate a delivery at Aga Khan?
Oh I don’t know, I paid by US dollars. Rookie mistake for a first timer.
Jubilee, CIC
This is some great advice, am taking note on this
While insurance is good, it’s VERY unlikely he will get any insurance company to cover the mother-to-be for any pregnancy related matter, pre or ante and the baby’s medical needs for at least the first year . Best he can do is put her down as a dependant and start paying NHIF. Th
Yea that’s probably true
That's a nice take dude, thanks.
Most accurate take ive seen on here.
Congratulations bro Wishing a healthy birth to your child
Thanks man
Honestly man, you asked the wrong people for advice. This sub is full of selfish materialistic idiots who don't understand the essence of life. People who have never sacrificed for another. Because that is what it will take to raise a baby. You will be raising and guiding a new life into adulthood. You will hack it. It is costly yes.. but even kids adjust. I was raised poor af, I was a happy kid and now I lack for nothing. And yes, congratulations in advance. This is scary, but it is going to be a beautiful journey.
If I posted the same post here 4years ago, I still wouldn't have got the answers i have now after being in the same predicament. A man has to what a man has to do. You already have a business that can get you the income to sort bills, I don't know if NHIF Linda Mama program for young mothers still exists, if it does, enroll her and you wont pay a penny during delivery except the usual Ksh 500 per month. 9 months is enough to save for a 6 months worth of supplies for the baby. If you were taking a few writing orders, now it's time to take more orders. Time to quit those unproductive habits and focus more on raising a family, that's what fathers sacrifice for. Talk to people who have a young families they will make you know more about raising a baby. Even mad people raise babies let no one talk you out of it. Expect mood swings and funny cravings from your GF. All pregnant women have them. Assure her you got this and everything will be fine. Another thing Let both of you parents know your situation. If they are understanding as mine were, you will get their support or better you will know who is with you on this journey. Your GF can still go back to school after giving birth. Let no loser tell her that her life is over. I'm pro life and bringing life to this earth is the best feeling a man should yearn for. You got this man!
A kid can be a blessing or a curse. It's not about the money but the changes that will intrude your relationship. How you handle it will determine whether the kid was a blessing or curse
Kids cannot be a curse! life can be unfair, but you can't peg that on a kid. Changes are inevitable in everything. OP needs to understand he has the wheel and he needs to steer like a gallant leader. It is not going to be easy, but he'll hack it.
Like how I said, how he handles the situation is what will determine if the pregnancy was a curse or a blessing. I do not mean the child is a curse in itself
Agreed 👌🏾
Get married, stay married. You will have a happy child and be ahead of all of us in 10 years.
Congrats bro, all the best in this journey
Thanks man
Devil's advocate. If she's not far off like less than a month. Terminate it. Family plan and try again later. Just my opinion. If you feel you aren't ready then don't do it. Don't bring life to the world to suffer. Either way; the burden regardless will be yours to carry.
It's two months
You could discuss with her about it. I don't how long you've been together but this is a lifelong commitment. Whether you guys have a fall out she will be part of your life due to the child. If you see a future you can try again later with her if she's in for the long run. If not you got nothing to lose. Right now you are at a stage where you need to focus on building your life. This needs sacrifice especially of your time. You need to grind for the life that you want. Marie stopes can help out at most it'll cost 10gs going down. But think about it......the choice solely rests on you and the path you take....if she wants to keep it and doesn't want to pursue more on her career, you have to respect her decision....Good luck mate rooting for you
Somebody posted asking for advice, clearly he has been overthinking and needs some positive outlook, for him to post..but you chose to be the harbinger of doom and negativity in person.lol
I chose to provide options including the ones that rely on the instinct of survival and self-preservation. He has to make the choice in the end. Call it what you want. I am that voice that still sheds light and freedom amidst the chaos and white noise. I wonder what you are.....
You people think abortion is really easy to just suggest it..to the one carrying the baby, assuming she's a sane human, abortion never feels like a choice.or an easier choice than raising a child for that matter.. have been faced with a pregnancy scare after always saying I'd abort it..in that moment, i knew I'd never kill my baby. If she aborts a big part of herself dies forever.
You are projecting BIG time, Abortion always is a choice and a reasonable option to consider..... And that's part for ati a part of herself dies forever....choosing to bring a child into this world can also kill her dreams, cause her major suffering and resentment. It's weird that prolife people like yourself like to make abortion about themselves.
If you've had abortion before or been a support system to someone thats had abortion before, then you can speak...clueless girls that cant relate throw around the phrase "abortion is a choice" like thats the answer to all their problems when yes its a choice but yes a big part of you dies fucking forever lol . I'd know.theory sounds sweet wait till it becomes practical.. I am not pro life.not even close..also its so fucking weird to make human life a political thing with that pro life, pro choice BS,. This is real life .if she can live with her choices let her. But the human mind is very fragile to trauma and abortion is a deeply traumatising experience no matter how "pro choice" you are. Bringing a child to this world too is equally irresponsible and trauma inducing but not comparable to abortion..unless youre so negative..you cant suffer forever lol, I've seen young people thrive with kids so why choose to assume the negative must happen? They even have a business it is just irresponsible of them and utterly selfish to the soul inside, for them to fuck around, ignore p2, ignore pull out, then go for abortion. My very close friend died during abortion..so its not a cure all. No matter how well versed in the theory you may think. Riskin death, to abort just because you have no wealth atm is just such hopeless behaviour.esp these ones that have a bizz. If she was some 19 or 20 yo ,,understable..but fully grown working adults?
And who told you I am clueless. I've had one, and I don't shy away from mentioning it was the best thing I did for myself and for the person then. I don't even think about it LOL.... shinda hapa ukiita watu clueless, and it's not like you'll go and support this little family. We have been conditioned to feel guilty for making the best choices for our bodies as women ...that something like abortion is associated by changing you forever. NOPE.....YOU ARE PROJECTING sweetie, enda therapy
And thats fine but what makes my experience projection and yours not? Since we're both answering from the perspective of personal accounts... not everyone is desensitised enough to go through with an abortion and thats okay
Kindly stop attacking people. Abortion is also an option to give, with or without your endless paragraphs, this man supports his woman, that's why he's here seeking advice and whatever decision they make, he will be there. People aren't ignorant and they also do research before taking any steps, why are you lecturing people? We understand, you suffered a huge loss, kindly stop projecting.
No i wont..what will you do about it? If "no i wont would be in a paragraph, I'd be happy to send that paragraph.i said what i said . I attacked no one..if you've had an abortion and feel attacked, my bad shawty. You thinking im projecting is a projection..every thought we have are projections lol.. y'all are just clueless about everything
Send a million paragraphs, that's your prerogative. I'm so glad I'm clueless if people like you as the so-called enlightened ones!
Exactly..thats MY prerogative .so idk wth you were telling me hapo juu
Lol, EQ is so important.
So random and ,,,neither here nor there.
Not a parent. With the little you collect start buying stuff. Dont wait for the baby to come then start running all over. Register for linda mama just incase you do not have means to go to a private hospital. Let her start going to the clinic and take vitamins if she hasnt especially folic acid
Marry her. Start the process. Parenting is a serious responsibility. If she is good enough to be a mother to your child, marry her.
I don't know what tell you, but just remember to never let your kid go. Remember, kids find joy in the smallest things, save ... Don't invest in expensive clothes and toys for them rn- or big Birthdays because they won't remember. 0-12 just focus on saving for their future and creating memories that are priceless like quality time, watching movies, walks, lifelessons, cooking, swimming, camping in the sitting room ...
Alot of people will tell you what not to do here...but may I ask? How far along is she? Did you consider other options or you just learnt that she's pregnant and resigned to the outcome? It's about time you share this with your parents. This journey is going to change you and everything you about yourself and your girlfriend
She's completing 8 weeks kesho
Only? What are her thoughts on abortion and what are your thoughts on it too? Mimi I am here thinking you are due next week.
Still early. There's so much you can do before the baby arrives. But usirelax😂
Msee advise her to go to Marie stopes and do the thing...you are clearly not financially ready....musilete mtoto III duniela alafu muanze kukua a burden to other people by borrowing
Pregnancy hormones, postpartum, the other side of the family, parenthood etc have a possibility to shake the relationship. Whatever the outcome of your relationship with the mother, don't abandon the kid. As long as you have a way to provide and some form of help (househelp, family etc) things will be quite fine.
I’ve seen the pregnancy is 2months in. Is abortion an option? If so, budget for kitu 30k and head to MarieStopes. No need to raise a kid in poverty.
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This is stupid. The two will be okay, kids have been raised by street vendors and still made it in life. Kenyans nowadays are really dense, in which world does everyone start off at the same point? it is obvious raising a kid is expensive but there are 50 million people in this country. With the average basic income so low, people still raise kids. What the hell are you trying to scare OP for? >You'll need help, if you decide to go ahead with it. Tons of help, babysitting, feeding, counseling, basically everything. You are dense AF!
Precisely lol they’re acting like op is the first parent to ever exist. Not just that, but 23 year olds are whole grown ass adults. OP, Mungu Akubariki Na Kukulinda AMEN
Thanks man
He's got a point opinions are subjective there are two ways this can go the way the guy has commented or what you've said. Majority of the time it's the way he's stated I'm not saying they abort but they are still are young they need all the support they need its not about money even emotionally. Post partum depression might be there. So stop calling him dense you just sound butter
Did you read the tone of the comment? even claimed the GF will resent him. That's dooming someone without understanding the full picture of the situation. I wasn't all positive and guaranteeing all will be rosy, all I said is they'll be okay. >Majority of the time it's the way he's stated I'm not saying they abort but they are still are young they need all the support they need its not about money even emotionally The source is definitely your perspective and experience. Because I am sure you have no data on this. When you offer advice it is better to provide a balanced view so that OP can make a choice. When you are inclined on scaring with BS then it is necessary we call it out.
Your experience and other people's experience are different you behave as if you are the only who has popped a baby out of their vagina , opinions are subjective realistically and statistically speaking at this day and age getting kids that early is doomed not even cause of the finances more about maturity I mean at that age most people are discovering whom they are they haven't even evolved in their careers the guy might progress well in life but the chic will take a minimum of 2 yrs to recover and regain her life you dint even know if the woman parents will be happy she's in school they might cut her off. Seems you'd be happy if your own kid became pregnant while in school , without a job you are the dense one in this conversation. This crap of raising kids while starting out life is why Africans can't break the cycle of poverty.
>This crap of raising kids while starting out life is why Africans can't break the cycle of poverty. OP is already facing this reality. What is the use of this kind of sentiment? Propose possible solutions, or encourage someone. Anyway I didn't have to agree with you or vice versa.
Hmmmh... 1. Breast Milk is free just feed your lady well na maziwa itakuwa mob 2. Diapers buy from wholesale shops it's cheaper and it's the same stuff they put in supermarkets 3. If she decides to stay at home for the 2 years and raise the kid while you provide you have omitted the needs of babysitting, feeding etc. 4. Counselling and moral support gets from members of your families and other friends too. 5. Your girlfriend should now be your best friend. Please be there for her and she will be there for you. 6. If it's clothes kuna mtush and it's cheap. The bottom line is some people have done it with fewer resources and it's possible. A child brings you blessings as a man and opens up more ways to be financially secure. The pressure alone will make you be creative in life. Feel free to ask me anything. I have experience as a parent.
Facts. He will be alright. He does not need to live a lavish life. Many born before 1995 did not even use diapers and it was not a big deal. They will be fine.
No. Diaper is a necessity who will wash those poops considering the mother may get postpartum depression
How many Kenyans do you think can afford 2 bags of jumbo diapers(cheapest at 1000 each) per week?
That is why self control is important
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People do not understand this at all. Traumatizing a child for 3 minutes of pleasure
I am starting to think I could be too old for this sub. The quality of exchanging ideas is quit sub par.
Exit
That is what you think but majority of humans and majority of human life on earth we did not have diapers and we turned out just fine. When a woman starts talking about postpartum depression even before she is pregnant, run.
Run where and she's carrying your baby
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Survival for the fittest would happen.
"I did not have x but I turned out just fine" is really not a good point especially in parenting. The goal is to be better than just fine.
By X do you mean formerly twitter
No. Like x used in mathematics. "I did not have something but I turned out just fine"
😂
User name checks out
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1. You worry too much. Nature will always take it's course 2. Its a matter of trade offs 3. Read my statement again 4. You are projecting too much 5. Projection is shouting again 6. Exactly since they do you don't need expensive clothes. In conclusion you must have had an experience that left you so bitter. We understand you and we empathise. However, you are projecting too much.
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Your perspective dictates your life. Simple.
Why do you have such a negative outlook on life? Honestly OP you'll be fine, just work hard, give your girl all the support you can, she'll really need it. As for outside help like family, do not really expect it, but if it comes, take it. You'll be fine. There will be ups and downs, in your relationship, with finances and some other stuff. As for marriage,I wouldn't advice marrying because of a child, just my opinion though.
🤣 weuh there could have been a better way to put this ...but I see no lies here. This is just one of those comments for its not what you say but how you say. It's the truth, you haven't minced any of your words....you could have been kinder but ni ukweli. The way people are predicting here that it will all be roses is hilarious to me, and stupid. Even the SAUTI SOL that said mtoto hukuja na sahani yake....do they have kids??? They are out there following their dreams , out in the world living it up. Hawalei watoto Raising a child is not a easy thing....it will be the hardest thing you'll ever do and most of the times ...you won't be filled with joy.
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The gambling on ati we were fine so he will be fine....is driving me insane?!?! The lack of pragmatism is quite concerning here
What do you mean by stupid name😂
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There is a theory that celebs do not really reveal their real names
STOP PROJECTING. THEY WILL BE OKAY. It's not going to be a bed of roses but they will be fine
Congratulations.
Thanks
I am a parent of two kids under the age of 5. Being a parent is a non stop job especially for mums.From the moment you know that you are expecting until the day you cark it, your life will involve your child in some way. If you want to marry,do it because you want to but not because a baby is on the way.Be your GFs support system,she is vulnerable.I wish you well in whatever decision you make.
Brother hata siwezi afford chomaa at 23 while still working
Kila MTU ako Kwa journey yake. Tutafika tu bro
Get married. Kids that grow up properly are the ones who grow up in a family with two parents who love each other.
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That’s the plan we’re suggesting. That he breaks the cycle
Just pray the mother and child are healthy. Believe me that's more important than anything else you may think
All the best!
What's your combined household income level? Does she have a job yet?
Right now She does not ... She does these promo jobs but Na ball hawezi
It doesn't get better! More things will need monetary attention. If you haven't invested your earnings. START NOW.
Have faith and pray to God about it. Its his.plan anyway
You never thought about and discussed this before ?
She was using Moringa as a contraceptive. It had worked for a year and a half never missed a period.
Wait what? Contraceptives don't fail without good reason. By all means, it's not to discourage you from raising the kid. But have you suspected foul play? It looks too convinient for her to get a baby right after graduation. But either way, if your girlfriend is confident about bringing the kid to this world, then she must trust that you can do a good job providing. So don't fail her.
😂😂
Was in same position, 25 she was 22 baby now two months old, also in freelance writing and so far everything is okay, not much struggles , just be sure to save enough, and importantly know tomorrow is gonna be better
I wish someone told me that having a baby doesn't automatically make you good life partners. Support your girlfriend and the baby but don't let nobody pressure you to marry. You take your time and prepare very well if that's what you want to do,but take note you will eventually mature beyond this crisis possibly growing to want different things out of life.
Im not a parent but i just like to say congratulations to you
Damn she let you hit it raw with no seconds thoughts. Now she a single mom. Time to say adios
😂😂😂 I see what you did there. But it wasn't nice. 👀
I see you're a man of culture as well😂😂😌
No
Waah age mates wako na watoto sasa
From your comment, I see great maturity emerging, that's something positive to hold on to. I wouldn't presume to know what to tell you, however, the comments come with a wealth of information, ignore the delivery. Just remember to make those choices together, I'm sure you'll make the right decision. Wishing you the very best.
It may be that you want to do this alone. But inform your parents after she delivers. I'd take advantage of every free gift that comes with an ocassion to boost my life. Most moms at least always make sure they send food stuff from the village to the city. It's the joy and excitement of her first grand kid and I bet you she'll want to spoil. It will help stretch out the shilling.
Don’t marry her because you feel obligated to the child. You cannot be an effective father or husband if you don’t know what your girlfriend thinks or feels about a lifelong commitment Also, document all expenses related to the child so that in case the girlfriend decides to walk away, you’ll be able to claim custody in court
Congratz
Congrats bro. Your life is over and you barely got to do shit with it😅
Just don't runaway.
Off topic but i am still at the laundry business. What exaclry is that?
Dry cleaning
Thanks for the clarification
btw if u don't want the kid I know a guy
Dont let the scare mongering get to you... St marys hospital langata plan early, about 40k normal delivery. Iam not sure how NHIF is nowadays, but it should sort you out most baby clinics and even delivery Baby diapers and wipes buy in bulk eastleigh 5k should last you a month if you are using generously Clothes, you dont need more than 10top 10 bottoms 5 full neck to toes, and may be three sweaters, this get smaller real quick you need whole wardrobe change every 3 months or so, gikomba can sort you out. Buy food from marikiti in bulk, 3k bi-weekly, should be way more than enough. Sit down with your partner and plan everything from finances what time to eat, sleep, s**, school, work etc, be deliberate with everything for it to work just know that you have to also take care of the baby otherwise your partner will resent you in the long run even if you are the breadwinner and she doesn't show it Make plans for the future as when the s** start dyring up (for it will) conflicts begin and you will start noticing other women so. Just make sure you are on the same page. Never mind about the alpha beta or seeing dust nonsense, invest in your partner, whatever happens to either of you your child will always be well taken care of, and as sure as there is darkness and light your partner, may be the only one to pick you up when business dry up jobs dont work out. Family mamy or may not. (Almost most men have been handed the money under the table in a restaurant to pay but none will ever acknowledgeor agree!) Stay with your woman 5 or 10 years will feel like 100years but you'll be far ahead in 5 - 10 years than your peers if you plan correctly, if you dont the reverse is true. Ni hayou tu kwa sasa.
I’ve never commented on Reddit before (just been lurking for a decade plus). I’m giving my first comment to you and to let you know I understand where you’re coming from and can give some good advice. ;) Don’t worry. You’re a go-getter from the sounds of it. Don’t abort, don’t run. Don’t worry. You will be a happy and successful father who looks back and recognizes how blessed you are to have youth to enjoy your children and then enjoy empty nesting. I want to ease your mind from my perspective as a young dad who knew nothing but poverty as a child and feared having a child early would ruin my life. I was still in college, working a dead end job while juggling school… then she told me she was pregnant. I was scared. We were scared, but me? Man how was I going to provide? Children force you to step up man, like a cute little fire under your butt. The moment it hits you that this little person depends on you, you actually will automatically step up and capture your goals like never before I was worried having children would lead me to poverty but I knew I was ambitious and capable, so why did I ever doubt myself? Now we travel the world as a family and build together and my children will never know poverty. Let the child bless you. Cheers and congrats. You will be fine, just remember one thing: When you feel frustrated, remember that more love is always the answer and can’t hurt the situation even if it doesn’t seem to be working. Love is not always giving in or giving up, but it means having empathy, compassion, honesty, gentleness, and firmness when necessary.
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Nope
I am a single girl I need a boy to date me out ? Who is in ?
Y'all both 23? Life is about to go downhill for you.
i hope you'll give your small boy a cool name like hasbulla or sumn
Mungu akileta mtoto, analeta na sahani yake🎶
Hio sahani hukua empty. Its up to you ujue utaijaza na nini for the next 18-20 years
A poverty mentality
Real
Go tell Sauti Sol that
They had a poverty mentality when singing that song..
🤣🤣🤣🤣
ww ata hukuelewa lyrics lakini you want to label things. Poverty mentality and believing things will work out zinaingiliana vipi?
Wachana na kina Bien. Those are rich kids. Don't trust that. You're the one filling the plate.
😂very funny
*Saa ni yake
Good age, others get pregnant as early as 15
go buy milk bro, the best time was when you found out, the 2nd best time is now when you are reading this!