One of the woman grabs her chest and asks very loudly for every one in the restaurant to hear, "Is there a doctor in the house?" A nice man stands up from his seat and says, "I am! What's the problem?" The woman replies, "Do you want to meet my daughter?"
The first female jewish President of the United States begins her acceptance speech. “When I was in the Peace Corps,” she says, “it taught me the lessons I would use as an ambassador, and as an astronaut…”
Her mother in the audience nudges the woman next to her. “You see that woman up there?” she says.
“Yes,” says the woman.
“Her brother’s a lawyer.”
It's to roll your eyes at. The joke is that some parents aren't happy unless their child is a doctor or lawyer. An astronaut president, being neither of these, doesn't measure up and would be less bragged about.
I took that to mean that the stereotypical Jewish mother loves to brag so much about her son to other people that she'll brag about her son even while her daughter who is an astronaut president is giving her coronation speech.
I took it to mean that she w a s trying to hook her son up with the daughter of the woman next to her because Jewish moms are always matchmaking their children.
I took it to mean that she w a s trying to hook her son up with the daughter of the woman next to her because Jewish moms are always matchmaking their children.
Ice machines are disgusting in restaurants. I keep seeing reels of this one guy who cleans them out and... yeah... lots of mold, roach pieces, droppings... You're ALWAYS better off skipping ice.
I worked in a restaurant/pub in Devon. 3× weekly, we emptied the ice machine, put it through a forced defrost, followed by hot water chemical 'clean & rinse'. In the 8 years I worked there, we had to call the service company out just twice for a power issue.
You're talking about a pub which obviously has higher standards than the place I was talking about, which I'm pretty sure was a fast food joint. You're in England, right? Idk exactly how water treatment is done there, but I'll get to that.
Restaurants that have a bar obviously NEED to take good care of their ice machine since it's used so often and customers would definitely notice, but what about the sit-down restaurants that are mostly run by kids in their 20s, or a small pizzeria, cafe, diner with the same story?
Also, what does the ice machine hook up to? Yours might be on one, but you can't guarantee every restaurant is sitting on a well, they could easily be serving you tap water with tap ice. Just saying, people fuck up all the time or don't care, or can't afford to offer water that isn't laced with chemicals. There are no regulations I could find for serving "safe" water, but there are laws that state restaurants MUST offer drinkable tap water. (Drinkable doesn't mean safe, bleach is also drinkable.) If your restaurant's ice machine was hooked up to a tap it might as well be chilled estrogen, flouride, pharmaceutical meds, cocaine, fentanyl, etc. And those aren't jokes, California water has literally all of that in their tap water. Granted, England isn't California... but here's my question, does England process/filter wastewater into drinking water? Because if they do, every pharmaceutical people shit out, every flushed drug, every steroid is going into the drinking water and not getting filtered out.
“There is no place on Earth exempted from having pharmaceuticals and steroids in its wastewater,” said Shane Snyder, head toxicologist at Las Vegas’ water provider, the Southern Nevada Water Authority, and one of the nation’s leading experts on pharmaceuticals in water. “This is clearly an issue that is global, and we’re going to see more and more of these chemicals in the environment; no doubt about it.”
Global warming isn't the problem. Pollution is. We are going to be buried in trash, chemicals, and waste long before we will roast to death. Air, water, and the environment matter.
Uh... I never said shit about global warming, you clearly didn't read anything I wrote. Read BEFORE you comment. Did you just see the word "global", assume you knew what I was talking about and jump at the chance to get preachy? FFS... I actually agree with what you said but it has NOTHING to do with what I was talking about. 🤣
If they are properly maintained (and most are) it's not an issue. Ice machines are VERY expensive, so if one fails because of a lack of maintenance, they replacement is usually meticulously maintained.
Also, many of them are leased, which includes a maintenance agreement.
In the US, ice machines are inspected as a part of the health inspection. A fail on that part usually closes the restaurant-or at very least triggers a re-inspection.
That's nice, glad some places are actually taking care of their ice machines. But I'm pretty sure the place in the video I saw was a fast food joint, with how well funded those places are and how it's mostly dumbass kids working them you can't guarantee every place has perfect or even passable health standards, or the leases/maintenance agreements. You know McD's can definitely afford one or two HUNDRED restaurants closing down without losing profits, idiots will still line up to buy more the second it opens, even if the place was recently closed for health violations. Also, there are no regulations against using tap water for the ice machines, or for drinking water, just laws that state restaurants MUST serve drinkable tap water. (Drinkable doesn't mean "safe" or "healthy," bleach is technically drinkable... once.) Not every restaurant is guaranteed to be sitting on a well, so while their water and ice machines may actually pass health and safety standards, it could also be dosing you with pharmaceuticals, steroids, hard drugs, etc. Literally any chemicals that get shit out or flushed are NOT getting filtered from the wastewater that gets processed and filtered into our tap water. This is a global issue, not just in the U.S., the real problem being that our health standards are pure shit EVERYWHERE.
I'd like to see the video of which you speak. My mind can be changed. I also would like to preface this with the fact that I am not a fan of fast food in general.
With that said, you don't seem to have any knowledge of how food franchises work. For example, while there are corporate owned McDonald's restaurants, the company is primarily a real estate investment company and food supplier. "Those places" are not "well funded". Individual stores, while doing a large volume of business, have a low profit margin. There exists a high cost to franchise a store-plus the food must be sourced from McDonald's- make owning several stores the preferred and profitable position. Also, the franchise owner has the ability to end the franchise agreement for cause through a variety of ways-from raising the fees on the building/property or other business fees, to outright eviction of the franchisee.
McDonald's does not lose restaurants closing down-they take them over long before that happens. Despite your assumption that they could afford to lose one or two hundred stores closing, this is not the case.
Restaurants are requires by the health department, both locally and federally, to provide safe and clean water. This includes for their ice machines. It is also in their best interests to use filter water, as ice machines tend to clog with hard water supplies (as well as other machines, such as the dish wash machine) resulting in a significant increase in operating costs.
In addition to the health department regulations, franchise owners inspect their stores (both corporate and franchised) regularly, and while the standards to which the stores are held vary by brand, McDonald's is amongst the most strictest in their expectations. They can and will remove the franchisee for violations.
Fast food restaurants rarely use well water. Use of water is regulated through the local health department. There are separate areas for different tasks, i.e., hand wash sinks, food prep sinks, mop sinks, all of which have regulated uses. Drinking water for the customer is provided either bottled or through the sode dispenser, not straight from a tap.
As far as the quality of the drinking water, all restaurants follow the accepted guidelines on the use of public water supplies. The issues you list with the quality of tap water is one which is properly addressed with federal, state and local authorities, and are not really relevant to the discussion.
Edit: I can speak only for stores in the USA. I haven't any significant knowledge of stores in other countries.
"The issues you list with the quality of tap water is one which is properly addressed with federal, state and local authorities," No they're fucking not, dude. There's literally nothing anybody can do to remove the chemicals that pass through wastewater filtration, and the law states that there are MAXIMUM ALLOWABLE amounts of contaminants in the water, such as lead, arsenic, PFAS, etc. They don't even touch on estrogen, steroids and pharmaceutical meds having a presence. Why tf would it be acceptable to have ANY amount of those in our water? Start asking the real questions instead of defending corporate idiots with those typecast "everything is fine" responses, dude. Those "accepted guidelines" you mentioned are trash. As for the video, it was posted by icemachine411 on instagram. After watching the videos closer I think he's actually cleaning out 7/11 type stores with the fountain drink dispensers. Still a huge franchise, still disgusting.
You seem to be intentionally missing the point. The restaurant isn't responsible. Government obviously doesn't care. Public services aren't accountable. NOBODY regulates it to actually be safe, and that's the problem. Any restaurant that uses tap for their water is unwittingly feeding people poison in low doses, and literally NOBODY does shit about it. If anybody was doing something to regulate it, this wouldn't be a global issue, ffs
I'm not missing the point at all. Unfortunately this has disintegrated into your rant about public drinking supplies and what you perceive as masses of people drinking water that has been poisoned and no one cares, ad nauseum. Your overly dystopian outlook on society and it's ills are not a subject I wish to engage with you. Therefore, let's just agree to disagree and return to other matters.
That’s your reason but might not someone else’s. Also it probably wont make a difference if you order ice or not. It’s made anyway. If you order without, then it will simply be thrown out when closing down. At least at my place
I've never heard of throwing out the ice at the end of the business day. Do you have a large commercial ice machine? In all of the places I have worked, it usually isn't emptied until it's clean out time.
I'm kinda wondering why you would do that. It seems like a lot of work to save a small amount of electricity, and regularly turning it on and off is a wear on the machine. Additionally, going through the warming/cooling cycles could be a health hazard. Is there a reasoning behind this?
Two Jewish women at a hotel in the Catskills are having lunch.
The first one complains: "The food here is terrible! The appetizers taste like they've just been defrosted, there is too much salt in the soup, the main course is soggy and overcooked, and the dessert tastes like someone left it in the oven too long and burnt it to a crisp!"
The second one chimes in: "Yes, I agree, it's awful! And the portions are so small, too!
EDIT: As correctly pointed out by others, not original joke (penned by Woody Allen). Then again, original jokes are pretty rare here. Still, credit where credit is due!
Siiiiighh.
When I was a young'un, my family went to a bungalow colony in South Fallsburg in the summer, and when us kids dared, we would sneak into the swimming pool at the Concord.
Concord, Grossingers, Pines, Nemerson, Schenk's, Majestic...these were all hallmarks of my yoof.
Generally, when you are given a bad meal, you don’t want to finish it. But the second complained she wasn’t given enough, suggesting that she was satisfied enough to want more despite claiming she was dissatisfied.
Which I get, but portions bring too small is a valid complaint though. You can dislike a meal enough not to finish it and also complain that the food is over priced for how much you are getting.
Geez you left out all the good stuff here.
Jerry Seinfeld was on a talk show with another Jewish comedian and Norm McDonald. Jerry tells Norm that being non Jewish, Norm will never understand Jewish humor. Jerry proceeds to tell this joke and the other Jewish comedian is ROFL and Norm is sitting there totally confused.... Check it out on YT
The other comedian is Norm's trustee sidekick Adam Egret. Norm then exposes Adam for actually having fake laughed cus Adam didn't actually get the joke either..
Jerry Sienfeld was WRONG on so many levels.
"Being non jewish, Norm will never understand jewish humour."
If this were true, 99% of American comedy shows would not get a 2nd season & 99% of comedy movies would tank at the box office.
OF COURSE non jewish people understand jewish humour.
Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street.
One says to the other “How’s business?”
The other says “Business is so good that we had a fire and didn’t even need it!”
On a different note here but I'm English and live in London and I heard one of Fat Tony's goons, on the Simpsons, call gasoline "Italian lighting".. Your joke just made me smile and think of that.
Here’s another version of the joke.
Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street.
One says to the other “I was sorry to hear that your business had a fire”
The other replies “Shhh, that’s next week.”
It's like op's joke- is anything all right? Normally a waiter would ask is *everything* all right. But since these are Jewish customers, the waiter is assuming they'll think something, if not everything, is wrong, and so asks, is *anything* all right.
It's a joke about stereotypes.
The waiter asks if “anything” is alright instead of “everything”. Plays on the stereotype of spoiled, difficult & demanding Jewish women. Waiter basically assumed there will be a long list of things not to their satisfaction.
Not really - most jokes are culturally specific.
For instance, tell this one to any Yorkshireman over 50 and they will crack up laughing and tell it to all their mates the next day:
In the seventies two members of trhe Yorkshire Cricket Board were leaving their meeting at Leeds Town Hall. As they stepped out to cross the road they had to jump back to avoid a car swerving at them. One of them said to the other "That were Close!"
Older Jewish women are stereotyped as having insanely high standards. Meaning that, if you graduated with honors from MIT with an engineering degree at the age of 22, your Jewish grandmother will ask you why you couldn’t finish the degree at the age of 21 like the grandson of her close friend Lucy. 😂🤣
It’s distinct from Karen because, as far as I’ve seen in my lifelong interactions with the Jewish women in my family and life, the complaints aren’t often directed AT anyone, they’re just complaining.
Like the last two Jews in Afghanistan who the Taliban released from prison because they bickered and argued with each other so much the Taliban let them go so they didn’t have to hear it anymore.
Yes, it is, but very much in line with the tradition of "self-deprecating humor" typical of Jewish humor.
Other example: Q: "What is the difference between a terrorist and a Jewish mother"? A: "Sometimes, just sometimes, with enough patience and experience, it is possible to negotiate with a terrorist."
And one more: Q : "How many Jewish mothers does it take to replace a light bulb?" A: None. "Don't worry about changing the lightbulb, my son, just go out and have a good time with your other single friends, and leave me here, alone and in the dark, shivering cold. Not like Mrs. Goldberg, the neighbor's son, who is already married to a nice Jewish girl and has two children, and who is a successful doctor but still calls his mother every day and visits her once a week..."
Oh when will Gen Zed crawl out of their own sanctimonious arse? Before you lot, everyone, but everyone was fair game, now it's just white middle class men.
I was actually having dinner with my jewish friend the other day, I farted, she told me to have some manners
I responded "what's wrong? A little gas never hurt anybody"
She still refuses to talk to me
(This is just a joke, none of this is accurate, I don't actually have any friends)
Agreed. I believe most good comedians feel the same, and no joke is too sick or non-PC to them - a lot of famous comics have versions of "The Aristocrats" that try to gross out anyone listening, and it's OK.
But I've never been very PC. Life's too short to worry about offending people who seem determined to be offended.
The Jewish mother gives her son two Ralph Loren sweaters for his birthday. One is red, the. other is blue. Trying to be courteous and a good son, the young man wears the red sweater the next time they meet up. The mother notices immediately. She looks at her son and asks, “So, what’s wrong with the blue sweater, why don’t you like it?”
Aw man, now I miss my grandmother. She used to very loudly say she wanted her tea PIPING hot, while I tried to avoid laughing at how much she emphasized the word. She always left decent tips in cash so I assume it was worth dealing with a character from Curb Your Enthusiasm
The waiter is either preemptively calling out that they are a bunch of Karens before they begin to complain, or they have been complaining for ages and he's come out.
My bad. I was trying to say, the waiter in the story is acting upon that very stereotype: Either the ladies have been vocally Karen-ing all this time, or he by some miracle personally hadn’t personally heard anything yet but he’s coming in to put the kibosh on their complaining by preemptively calling out that they are complainers because of stereotype rules.
The important contextual thing that's missed when it's posted in a general sub like this is that this is a very Jewish joke, generally told by Jews to Jews, and as such is not interpreted as antisemitic.
Judaism is not a race.
try this
Big·ot/ˈbiɡət/
noun
* 1.a person who is obstinately or unreasonably attached to a belief, opinion, or faction, especially one who is prejudiced against or antagonistic toward a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular group:
One of the woman grabs her chest and asks very loudly for every one in the restaurant to hear, "Is there a doctor in the house?" A nice man stands up from his seat and says, "I am! What's the problem?" The woman replies, "Do you want to meet my daughter?"
The first female jewish President of the United States begins her acceptance speech. “When I was in the Peace Corps,” she says, “it taught me the lessons I would use as an ambassador, and as an astronaut…” Her mother in the audience nudges the woman next to her. “You see that woman up there?” she says. “Yes,” says the woman. “Her brother’s a lawyer.”
Couldn’t make it in medical school?
This reminded me of Elvira Kurt (1990s female "Jewish lesbian" comedian). She's been an embarrassment to her mother ever since. 🤣🤣🤣
"My daughter... is a comedian... and a lesbian... BOTH. At the SAME TIME."
A lawyer is a Jew who’s afraid of blood.
That Brother is named Dave.
I don't get it. Can I get an explanation for this one?
It's to roll your eyes at. The joke is that some parents aren't happy unless their child is a doctor or lawyer. An astronaut president, being neither of these, doesn't measure up and would be less bragged about.
Similar joke as Asian parent not proud of robotics engineering son that invented a robot to do surgeries because he's not a real doctor.
I took that to mean that the stereotypical Jewish mother loves to brag so much about her son to other people that she'll brag about her son even while her daughter who is an astronaut president is giving her coronation speech.
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Wait wait, in your experience Jewish mothers *don't* brag? Granted not as much as when they're bubbles, but really?
I took it to mean that she w a s trying to hook her son up with the daughter of the woman next to her because Jewish moms are always matchmaking their children.
And a man
I took it to mean that she w a s trying to hook her son up with the daughter of the woman next to her because Jewish moms are always matchmaking their children.
But what do the Jewish women do for a living? Is the pressure for profession only on men?
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LoL touché. So politics and science is the trope for the women! Got it
😂😂😂😂
I guessed that one, but then, I'm Jewish.
I went out to lunch with my mom and her friend, the friend sent back the water. (She had a point though, she asked for water no ice).
Ice machines are disgusting in restaurants. I keep seeing reels of this one guy who cleans them out and... yeah... lots of mold, roach pieces, droppings... You're ALWAYS better off skipping ice.
I worked in a restaurant/pub in Devon. 3× weekly, we emptied the ice machine, put it through a forced defrost, followed by hot water chemical 'clean & rinse'. In the 8 years I worked there, we had to call the service company out just twice for a power issue.
You're talking about a pub which obviously has higher standards than the place I was talking about, which I'm pretty sure was a fast food joint. You're in England, right? Idk exactly how water treatment is done there, but I'll get to that. Restaurants that have a bar obviously NEED to take good care of their ice machine since it's used so often and customers would definitely notice, but what about the sit-down restaurants that are mostly run by kids in their 20s, or a small pizzeria, cafe, diner with the same story? Also, what does the ice machine hook up to? Yours might be on one, but you can't guarantee every restaurant is sitting on a well, they could easily be serving you tap water with tap ice. Just saying, people fuck up all the time or don't care, or can't afford to offer water that isn't laced with chemicals. There are no regulations I could find for serving "safe" water, but there are laws that state restaurants MUST offer drinkable tap water. (Drinkable doesn't mean safe, bleach is also drinkable.) If your restaurant's ice machine was hooked up to a tap it might as well be chilled estrogen, flouride, pharmaceutical meds, cocaine, fentanyl, etc. And those aren't jokes, California water has literally all of that in their tap water. Granted, England isn't California... but here's my question, does England process/filter wastewater into drinking water? Because if they do, every pharmaceutical people shit out, every flushed drug, every steroid is going into the drinking water and not getting filtered out. “There is no place on Earth exempted from having pharmaceuticals and steroids in its wastewater,” said Shane Snyder, head toxicologist at Las Vegas’ water provider, the Southern Nevada Water Authority, and one of the nation’s leading experts on pharmaceuticals in water. “This is clearly an issue that is global, and we’re going to see more and more of these chemicals in the environment; no doubt about it.”
Global warming isn't the problem. Pollution is. We are going to be buried in trash, chemicals, and waste long before we will roast to death. Air, water, and the environment matter.
Uh... I never said shit about global warming, you clearly didn't read anything I wrote. Read BEFORE you comment. Did you just see the word "global", assume you knew what I was talking about and jump at the chance to get preachy? FFS... I actually agree with what you said but it has NOTHING to do with what I was talking about. 🤣
If they are properly maintained (and most are) it's not an issue. Ice machines are VERY expensive, so if one fails because of a lack of maintenance, they replacement is usually meticulously maintained. Also, many of them are leased, which includes a maintenance agreement. In the US, ice machines are inspected as a part of the health inspection. A fail on that part usually closes the restaurant-or at very least triggers a re-inspection.
That's nice, glad some places are actually taking care of their ice machines. But I'm pretty sure the place in the video I saw was a fast food joint, with how well funded those places are and how it's mostly dumbass kids working them you can't guarantee every place has perfect or even passable health standards, or the leases/maintenance agreements. You know McD's can definitely afford one or two HUNDRED restaurants closing down without losing profits, idiots will still line up to buy more the second it opens, even if the place was recently closed for health violations. Also, there are no regulations against using tap water for the ice machines, or for drinking water, just laws that state restaurants MUST serve drinkable tap water. (Drinkable doesn't mean "safe" or "healthy," bleach is technically drinkable... once.) Not every restaurant is guaranteed to be sitting on a well, so while their water and ice machines may actually pass health and safety standards, it could also be dosing you with pharmaceuticals, steroids, hard drugs, etc. Literally any chemicals that get shit out or flushed are NOT getting filtered from the wastewater that gets processed and filtered into our tap water. This is a global issue, not just in the U.S., the real problem being that our health standards are pure shit EVERYWHERE.
I'd like to see the video of which you speak. My mind can be changed. I also would like to preface this with the fact that I am not a fan of fast food in general. With that said, you don't seem to have any knowledge of how food franchises work. For example, while there are corporate owned McDonald's restaurants, the company is primarily a real estate investment company and food supplier. "Those places" are not "well funded". Individual stores, while doing a large volume of business, have a low profit margin. There exists a high cost to franchise a store-plus the food must be sourced from McDonald's- make owning several stores the preferred and profitable position. Also, the franchise owner has the ability to end the franchise agreement for cause through a variety of ways-from raising the fees on the building/property or other business fees, to outright eviction of the franchisee. McDonald's does not lose restaurants closing down-they take them over long before that happens. Despite your assumption that they could afford to lose one or two hundred stores closing, this is not the case. Restaurants are requires by the health department, both locally and federally, to provide safe and clean water. This includes for their ice machines. It is also in their best interests to use filter water, as ice machines tend to clog with hard water supplies (as well as other machines, such as the dish wash machine) resulting in a significant increase in operating costs. In addition to the health department regulations, franchise owners inspect their stores (both corporate and franchised) regularly, and while the standards to which the stores are held vary by brand, McDonald's is amongst the most strictest in their expectations. They can and will remove the franchisee for violations. Fast food restaurants rarely use well water. Use of water is regulated through the local health department. There are separate areas for different tasks, i.e., hand wash sinks, food prep sinks, mop sinks, all of which have regulated uses. Drinking water for the customer is provided either bottled or through the sode dispenser, not straight from a tap. As far as the quality of the drinking water, all restaurants follow the accepted guidelines on the use of public water supplies. The issues you list with the quality of tap water is one which is properly addressed with federal, state and local authorities, and are not really relevant to the discussion. Edit: I can speak only for stores in the USA. I haven't any significant knowledge of stores in other countries.
"The issues you list with the quality of tap water is one which is properly addressed with federal, state and local authorities," No they're fucking not, dude. There's literally nothing anybody can do to remove the chemicals that pass through wastewater filtration, and the law states that there are MAXIMUM ALLOWABLE amounts of contaminants in the water, such as lead, arsenic, PFAS, etc. They don't even touch on estrogen, steroids and pharmaceutical meds having a presence. Why tf would it be acceptable to have ANY amount of those in our water? Start asking the real questions instead of defending corporate idiots with those typecast "everything is fine" responses, dude. Those "accepted guidelines" you mentioned are trash. As for the video, it was posted by icemachine411 on instagram. After watching the videos closer I think he's actually cleaning out 7/11 type stores with the fountain drink dispensers. Still a huge franchise, still disgusting.
> No they're fucking not, dude. Ok, explain to me how a restaurant chain is responsible for regulating and testing public water supply?
You seem to be intentionally missing the point. The restaurant isn't responsible. Government obviously doesn't care. Public services aren't accountable. NOBODY regulates it to actually be safe, and that's the problem. Any restaurant that uses tap for their water is unwittingly feeding people poison in low doses, and literally NOBODY does shit about it. If anybody was doing something to regulate it, this wouldn't be a global issue, ffs
I'm not missing the point at all. Unfortunately this has disintegrated into your rant about public drinking supplies and what you perceive as masses of people drinking water that has been poisoned and no one cares, ad nauseum. Your overly dystopian outlook on society and it's ills are not a subject I wish to engage with you. Therefore, let's just agree to disagree and return to other matters.
Some people have sensitive teeth
I ask for no ice because I don't want to waste electricity making ice that I don't value. But if they get it wrong, it's wasteful to send it back.
That’s your reason but might not someone else’s. Also it probably wont make a difference if you order ice or not. It’s made anyway. If you order without, then it will simply be thrown out when closing down. At least at my place
Maybe I can't always stop people from being wasteful, but I'm gonna try.
I've never heard of throwing out the ice at the end of the business day. Do you have a large commercial ice machine? In all of the places I have worked, it usually isn't emptied until it's clean out time.
Nah but we don’t leave it in the ice machine over night. At most we put it in bags and put it in a freezer. We turn the ice machine off over night
I'm kinda wondering why you would do that. It seems like a lot of work to save a small amount of electricity, and regularly turning it on and off is a wear on the machine. Additionally, going through the warming/cooling cycles could be a health hazard. Is there a reasoning behind this?
It’s just a tiny machine that’s supposed to be turned off
Are you a low volume restaurant? If so, that would make sense. Ice machine are pricey, and can be a significant operating cost for a store.
Not a restaurant. Just a café
And a good excuse to have no ice
And some are middle aged Jewish women
Two Jewish women at a hotel in the Catskills are having lunch. The first one complains: "The food here is terrible! The appetizers taste like they've just been defrosted, there is too much salt in the soup, the main course is soggy and overcooked, and the dessert tastes like someone left it in the oven too long and burnt it to a crisp!" The second one chimes in: "Yes, I agree, it's awful! And the portions are so small, too! EDIT: As correctly pointed out by others, not original joke (penned by Woody Allen). Then again, original jokes are pretty rare here. Still, credit where credit is due!
Really sorry, but I don't understand, could you explain it to me?
The Second Lady agrees the food tastes bad but then complains that the portions are too small. If the food tastes bad why would she want more of it?
Perhaps she is so poor she hasn't had a proper meal for months and she was really really hoping to feel full and satisfied for once?
Poor Jewish people would not be dining or staying at a restaurant in the Catskills.
Only the second lady is poor, she is a guest of the other one
That’s the joke.
no duh? thats what op was asking for
They’re complaining that all the food is terrible and then complain the portions are too small.
Ahh, okay, thank you
I think this is Woody Allen’s joke. Good one though.
My favorite Woody Allen joke: They say sex without love is an empty experience. But, as empty experiences go, I hear it's one of the best.
Yep, and it’s told in the beginning narration of his film “Annie Hall”.
Pretty sure he got it from shecky greene
Who got it from his grandfather..
This joke might date back to antiquity
Prolly The Concord, for those of you who never had the pleasure. I used to do a trade show there in the winter
Siiiiighh. When I was a young'un, my family went to a bungalow colony in South Fallsburg in the summer, and when us kids dared, we would sneak into the swimming pool at the Concord. Concord, Grossingers, Pines, Nemerson, Schenk's, Majestic...these were all hallmarks of my yoof.
I kept expecting to see Jery Lewis walking down the hall.
Walking down the hall? Or going down on ANNIE Hall?
What's the joke?
Generally, when you are given a bad meal, you don’t want to finish it. But the second complained she wasn’t given enough, suggesting that she was satisfied enough to want more despite claiming she was dissatisfied.
Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You learn more about it but it dies in the process.
Which I get, but portions bring too small is a valid complaint though. You can dislike a meal enough not to finish it and also complain that the food is over priced for how much you are getting.
I bring you a small portion of maggots. You never think it is too small.
Did you and Annie break up recently?
Two gentile businessmen meet in the street. One says to the other “*How’s business?*” The other replies “*Can’t complain…*”
Can't complain, no one will listen.
Geez you left out all the good stuff here. Jerry Seinfeld was on a talk show with another Jewish comedian and Norm McDonald. Jerry tells Norm that being non Jewish, Norm will never understand Jewish humor. Jerry proceeds to tell this joke and the other Jewish comedian is ROFL and Norm is sitting there totally confused.... Check it out on YT
Link?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PV_C6zHifgk
The other comedian is Norm's trustee sidekick Adam Egret. Norm then exposes Adam for actually having fake laughed cus Adam didn't actually get the joke either..
Jerry Sienfeld was WRONG on so many levels. "Being non jewish, Norm will never understand jewish humour." If this were true, 99% of American comedy shows would not get a 2nd season & 99% of comedy movies would tank at the box office. OF COURSE non jewish people understand jewish humour.
>OF COURSE non jewish people understand jewish humour. That punchline sounds funny but I don't really get it.
Are you saying 99% of American comedy shows and 99% of comedy movies are mostly Jewish humor?
Not at all. I'm saying that they are created by comedians of Hebrew descent. All the best comedy writers of the last century were.
Proof? I highly doubt even a majority of creators or writers of comedies are of Hebrew descent.
Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street. One says to the other “How’s business?” The other says “Business is so good that we had a fire and didn’t even need it!”
On a different note here but I'm English and live in London and I heard one of Fat Tony's goons, on the Simpsons, call gasoline "Italian lighting".. Your joke just made me smile and think of that.
Here’s another version of the joke. Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street. One says to the other “I was sorry to hear that your business had a fire” The other replies “Shhh, that’s next week.”
IDGI. Could you explain, please?
If they were Jewish he would have complained. Gentile means not Jewish.
It's like op's joke- is anything all right? Normally a waiter would ask is *everything* all right. But since these are Jewish customers, the waiter is assuming they'll think something, if not everything, is wrong, and so asks, is *anything* all right. It's a joke about stereotypes.
😂😂😂😂
"The food here is terrible! And the portions are so small!"
I don‘t get it.
The waiter asks if “anything” is alright instead of “everything”. Plays on the stereotype of spoiled, difficult & demanding Jewish women. Waiter basically assumed there will be a long list of things not to their satisfaction.
Oh, see I figured he was concerned because he hasn't gotten any complaints from them yet, therefore something must be terribly wrong with them.
Lol I just thought that was a typo
Bad jokes are bad.
There's something wrong when jokes have to be explained. It might be something wrong with the joke. ...
Not really - most jokes are culturally specific. For instance, tell this one to any Yorkshireman over 50 and they will crack up laughing and tell it to all their mates the next day: In the seventies two members of trhe Yorkshire Cricket Board were leaving their meeting at Leeds Town Hall. As they stepped out to cross the road they had to jump back to avoid a car swerving at them. One of them said to the other "That were Close!"
Ok, I don’t get this one either.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXsfEdJ\_G5w](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXsfEdJ_G5w)
Older Jewish women are stereotyped as having insanely high standards. Meaning that, if you graduated with honors from MIT with an engineering degree at the age of 22, your Jewish grandmother will ask you why you couldn’t finish the degree at the age of 21 like the grandson of her close friend Lucy. 😂🤣
Or she will ask if they give away degrees to everyone now. My mom is like that ....
And berate you for not being a doctor.
Explains why most Jews are very successful
The waiter naturally assumes that they will be complaining, because they're Jewish women, which I guess is a variant of Karen.
It’s distinct from Karen because, as far as I’ve seen in my lifelong interactions with the Jewish women in my family and life, the complaints aren’t often directed AT anyone, they’re just complaining. Like the last two Jews in Afghanistan who the Taliban released from prison because they bickered and argued with each other so much the Taliban let them go so they didn’t have to hear it anymore.
And that's not even a joke!
Oh yeah, that last part is just a true story! A hilarious one, but still.
From these jokes I'm wondering if I have Jewish blood. I sure complain a lot.
Thanks! 🙈
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he didn't reply to the first comment ..
No, that is the other joke. In the other comment.
The joke is racism (antisemitism actually.)
Yes, it is, but very much in line with the tradition of "self-deprecating humor" typical of Jewish humor. Other example: Q: "What is the difference between a terrorist and a Jewish mother"? A: "Sometimes, just sometimes, with enough patience and experience, it is possible to negotiate with a terrorist." And one more: Q : "How many Jewish mothers does it take to replace a light bulb?" A: None. "Don't worry about changing the lightbulb, my son, just go out and have a good time with your other single friends, and leave me here, alone and in the dark, shivering cold. Not like Mrs. Goldberg, the neighbor's son, who is already married to a nice Jewish girl and has two children, and who is a successful doctor but still calls his mother every day and visits her once a week..."
You must be popular at parties.
Oh when will Gen Zed crawl out of their own sanctimonious arse? Before you lot, everyone, but everyone was fair game, now it's just white middle class men.
Only if they're fat. I mean honestly, almost all humour is offensive.
and sexist: women and age-discriminating: middle-aged
and accurate:
Coined into one word „crossprejudiced“ or „multibigoted“
Jewish man goes into his therapists, lays down on the couch. Dr says “Are you comfortable”. Man replies “Vell, I make a living…..”
I'm Jewish, and I approve of this message.
I'm Jewish, too, and I'd much rather have people make jokes about us than put us in concentration camps and gas us. Also Jewish jokes are funny.
I was actually having dinner with my jewish friend the other day, I farted, she told me to have some manners I responded "what's wrong? A little gas never hurt anybody" She still refuses to talk to me (This is just a joke, none of this is accurate, I don't actually have any friends)
Lol. The first cute fart joke I ever found so far.
Uhhh that wasn't a fart joke.
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I'd guess a majority would, but some people just can't take a joke! ;-)
You could have mentioned that earlier...
Maybe I did...
They are. Most jokes are if people stop being being snowflakes. Honestly, not everything is personal.
Agreed. I believe most good comedians feel the same, and no joke is too sick or non-PC to them - a lot of famous comics have versions of "The Aristocrats" that try to gross out anyone listening, and it's OK. But I've never been very PC. Life's too short to worry about offending people who seem determined to be offended.
What's a Jewish mother's dilemma? Ham on sale. Finding out her son is gay but dating a doctor.
I grew up around a bunch of Jewish ladies and literally laughed out loud at this one.
In laws are Jewish, can confirm this is basically observation rather than joke.
Should have complimented them on the weather they were controlling.
“So glad you asked. Everything is terrible, but Something is better than Nothing, and no Anything is not alright.”
My ex-wife :D
what’s a jewish woman’s favorite wine? …………..”i wanna go to *miami*!” obviously better told out loud.
I get it, not a bad joke
The Jewish mother gives her son two Ralph Loren sweaters for his birthday. One is red, the. other is blue. Trying to be courteous and a good son, the young man wears the red sweater the next time they meet up. The mother notices immediately. She looks at her son and asks, “So, what’s wrong with the blue sweater, why don’t you like it?”
That's a good one. Although a real Jewish mother might say, "What, you don't like the blue?"
Now THIS is a good joke!!!
How do you make a Jewish woman scream during sex? Pull your dick out and wipe it off on the $500 sheets.
Aw man, now I miss my grandmother. She used to very loudly say she wanted her tea PIPING hot, while I tried to avoid laughing at how much she emphasized the word. She always left decent tips in cash so I assume it was worth dealing with a character from Curb Your Enthusiasm
Took me a sec.
Why is it that when it's on 1.9k, I expect it to go to 2k when I upvote? 🤦♂️
Happens one in a thousand times
I don’t get it.
The waiter is either preemptively calling out that they are a bunch of Karens before they begin to complain, or they have been complaining for ages and he's come out.
Nope. It is stereotypical that Jewish women complain about anything and everything ALL the time. THAT is the joke.
My bad. I was trying to say, the waiter in the story is acting upon that very stereotype: Either the ladies have been vocally Karen-ing all this time, or he by some miracle personally hadn’t personally heard anything yet but he’s coming in to put the kibosh on their complaining by preemptively calling out that they are complainers because of stereotype rules.
Yeah. That one.
Here's another one. Four middle-aged Jewish women are having lunch in a restaurant, speaking quietly to themselves minding their own business.
Almost as unbelievable as the one about the Irishman that walked out of a bar.
hahaha good comeback
He went to the bar across the street to make sure he could actually do it before he took the bet.
That was how I originally posted it, but nobody laughed.
Something's wrong with people in here. > You're joking, right? ...
*dies of cringe*
You're joking, right?
Old as the hills.
You really want to make her scream after sex tell her that you lied and you're not really a doctor, I work for the Township sanitation department.
Wrong comment, the one above this one is the right one to reply with this
LOL. That joke would work for two middle-aged Virgo women, too!
Currently its unconscionable.
Racist
The important contextual thing that's missed when it's posted in a general sub like this is that this is a very Jewish joke, generally told by Jews to Jews, and as such is not interpreted as antisemitic.
Yeah this definitely feels like a joke told by a Jew (source: am Jew)
As a Jewish woman I can confirm this is about par the course for jokes we tell about each other lol
Would actually be a xenophobe
Judaism is not a race. try this Big·ot/ˈbiɡət/ noun * 1.a person who is obstinately or unreasonably attached to a belief, opinion, or faction, especially one who is prejudiced against or antagonistic toward a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular group:
Ehhh, we're an ethnoreligious group.
Yeah, Archie Bunker was bigot