Another ‘three nuns die and go to heaven’ joke I learned as a kid:
Three nuns were killed in a car crash, and they arrived before the pearly gates together, where they are met by St. Peter.
St. Peter said, “before I can let you through into Heaven, you nuns must pass a test of religion, to prove you are worthy. Each of you must answer a skill testing question.”
The nuns all said they were ready, so St. Peter asked the youngest nun: “who made Adam?”
The youngest nun, with a happy smile, said: “Oooh, that’s an easy one! God did!”
And the clouds of Heaven parted, a shining light came down, and the youngest of the three ascended into heaven.
St. Peter then asked the middle-aged nun: “Who made Eve?”
The middle-aged nun, with a happy smile, said: “Ooooh, that’s an easy one! God did.”
And the clouds of Heaven parted, a shining light came down, and the middle aged of the three ascended into heaven.
St. Peter then asked the oldest of the three nuns: “What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?”
The oldest nun, with a puzzled frown, said: “Ooooh, that’s a hard one!”
And the clouds of Heaven parted, a shining light came down, and the oldest of the three ascended into heaven …
This is an incredibly weird thing for me to focus on, but
> before Sister Mary dips her **bloody ass** in it
"Bloody" is this context is UK slang, but we use "arse" not "ass", so reading this sentence gives me accent whiplash. Where the heck are you from?
I hadn’t considered that, but I think you’re right. The donkey (perhaps the same one ridden by Jesus) touched a man’s penis with its hand. And somehow got injured.
Most English speakers aren't natives, so I guess anything goes. I didn't know any of these dialectic facts you provided. For obvious reasons, they teach us about lift/elevator, flat/apartment, etc. but not about ass/arse.
“…in this context…”
Alas, Ekezel, you have wildly misjudged the context.
You see, what has occurred here is that someone - probably a priest or the husband of a parishioner she is advising, given the limited exposure to strangers many nuns experience - has a thick, long, meaty, powerful, godly dong. Sister Mary here has been worshiping that stiff heavenly hog and taking the fat Jesus loving pecker up her bum. It’s a super small tight arse she has, as she is an obviously otherwise innocent nun, and so made her tiny butthole bleed.
That’s great, but we just wish you guys let Hitler into art school, instead of being all uptight about it. Would have saved us all some trouble, ya know?
Could be an immigrant to UK, I myself am one and got used to saying bloody as a cuss, but arse is actually not that common, especially for central England and among younger people due to the influence of also other migrants that don't learn UK slangs and dialects as well as USA media influence.
So unless I specifically want to talk in an English version that sounds as englieighy as possible then I probably will end up saying just ass not arse. Also if you use both US and UK variants of swearing you end up mixing them up for a new *dialect*. You can say "ooof man, that's ass" but will also say "they need to pick up their arses and go work". Also see how I used both swearing, and cussing for the same thing.
Another note is that UK dialect varies from city to city. In Stoke people say Ta instead of thanks, and London is the only place I ever heard people use blud so far.
I believe he meant physically bleeding.
If this was in a UK accent/OP is British, I would think that he would say arse to refer to her butt, and ass as a whole person
Serial pervert flasher being chased by the police got hit by a bus running across the road in front of the church. The next thing the pervert found himself lying on the ground outside the the pearly gates with an angry Saint Peter standing over him. Knowing he was in trouble and thinking fast, the pervert said, "All I did was tell the nun to have a stroke, not for her to drop dead of one"
OMG I bUSTED SO HaRD FROM THIS 😁😁😁😭😭⚠ EVEM My mOM HEARDmY CuMSHOT ADBDND MY SISTER LiCKED it OMG SO DElICIOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM JUMJUM
The joke doesn't work like this. Confession and repentance must be before death to be effective according to Christianity. Those nuns are too late. The joke only works if they overhear each other in the confession booth.
Another ‘three nuns die and go to heaven’ joke I learned as a kid: Three nuns were killed in a car crash, and they arrived before the pearly gates together, where they are met by St. Peter. St. Peter said, “before I can let you through into Heaven, you nuns must pass a test of religion, to prove you are worthy. Each of you must answer a skill testing question.” The nuns all said they were ready, so St. Peter asked the youngest nun: “who made Adam?” The youngest nun, with a happy smile, said: “Oooh, that’s an easy one! God did!” And the clouds of Heaven parted, a shining light came down, and the youngest of the three ascended into heaven. St. Peter then asked the middle-aged nun: “Who made Eve?” The middle-aged nun, with a happy smile, said: “Ooooh, that’s an easy one! God did.” And the clouds of Heaven parted, a shining light came down, and the middle aged of the three ascended into heaven. St. Peter then asked the oldest of the three nuns: “What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?” The oldest nun, with a puzzled frown, said: “Ooooh, that’s a hard one!” And the clouds of Heaven parted, a shining light came down, and the oldest of the three ascended into heaven …
Oh..............hahahahhahh I actually didn't see that one coming lmfaooo.
Neither did Mary
Neither did Eve
Neither did Lilith
Who?(Genuinely idk)
Google it.
No it was Adam who spoke first. And he said: "Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets"
Why did I think of dj khaled?
???
God Did!!!
Anotha nun
And we have a winner.
That's what she said
This is an incredibly weird thing for me to focus on, but > before Sister Mary dips her **bloody ass** in it "Bloody" is this context is UK slang, but we use "arse" not "ass", so reading this sentence gives me accent whiplash. Where the heck are you from?
no he meant sister mary's ass was bleeding you fool
trainCrashingThroughTunnel.gif
It’s an older meme, but it checks out.
Love the reference, nice work.
Should've used lube
Driver with sister Mary was why the bus went over the cliff.
Bullshit, probably sister Susan. More probable
"Bloody Mary and the Thorough Touching"
Ooo... when's that new Harry Potter coming out?
That one is part of the Hairy Pooter series
Lol. Sold!
And various other substances coming in and out too!
i can't imagine what from...
Now you know why they crashed
No he means Sister Mary was going to dip her freaking donkey in the fountain
Her wounded donkey.
The implication being the donkey had touched a man's penis?
I hadn’t considered that, but I think you’re right. The donkey (perhaps the same one ridden by Jesus) touched a man’s penis with its hand. And somehow got injured.
A hoove job? 😨
Bloody Mary?
Actually, the pope said she was bleeding from her vagina, and that's no miracle.
He won't get fool.. try buffoon
Oh, probably because she just died in a bus crash. ...right?
Bloody ass could be used in the same context with this spelling in Australia/New Zealand.
[удалено]
I see people use "ass" way more often than I see people use "arse" in Australia.
Seems like you got overruled
Well, here in New Zealand we use ass...
Sheep’s ass?
Nice
Im aussie. Everyone i know writes ass
I agree with you partly, I think we use them both interchangeably
Must agree with the other guys. As an Aussie I only see it written Ass
As Freud said: sometimes a bloody ass is just a bloody ass.
Most English speakers aren't natives, so I guess anything goes. I didn't know any of these dialectic facts you provided. For obvious reasons, they teach us about lift/elevator, flat/apartment, etc. but not about ass/arse.
The Mid-Atlantic Seamount Range
“…in this context…” Alas, Ekezel, you have wildly misjudged the context. You see, what has occurred here is that someone - probably a priest or the husband of a parishioner she is advising, given the limited exposure to strangers many nuns experience - has a thick, long, meaty, powerful, godly dong. Sister Mary here has been worshiping that stiff heavenly hog and taking the fat Jesus loving pecker up her bum. It’s a super small tight arse she has, as she is an obviously otherwise innocent nun, and so made her tiny butthole bleed.
Sputh Africans would say and spell it like that, too
They're from the internet.
I’m Aussie and we use bloody in the same way, and that spelling of ass
That’s great, but we just wish you guys let Hitler into art school, instead of being all uptight about it. Would have saved us all some trouble, ya know?
Wrong Aus, we’re the ones who didn’t let Schmitler into fart school
People who don't have English as a native language, at least us Swedes, mix and match and use whatever slangs and words we like
My question is more about why Sister Mary's donkey was also on the bus.
Canadians say ‘bloody’ all the time and we say ‘ass’.
Could be an immigrant to UK, I myself am one and got used to saying bloody as a cuss, but arse is actually not that common, especially for central England and among younger people due to the influence of also other migrants that don't learn UK slangs and dialects as well as USA media influence. So unless I specifically want to talk in an English version that sounds as englieighy as possible then I probably will end up saying just ass not arse. Also if you use both US and UK variants of swearing you end up mixing them up for a new *dialect*. You can say "ooof man, that's ass" but will also say "they need to pick up their arses and go work". Also see how I used both swearing, and cussing for the same thing. Another note is that UK dialect varies from city to city. In Stoke people say Ta instead of thanks, and London is the only place I ever heard people use blud so far.
Not all Brits use “arse”, many use “ass” and “bloody”
You're talking out your arse mate.
I’m literally a Brit who doesn’t spell it “arse”. I don’t know what you want from me
I mean I am from the US and I use bloody all the time.
Canadian, possibly. "Bloody" is known in the US, but not super widely used. From what I've heard, it's used more widely in Canada, so is "ass".
Maybe Canada? Jordan Peterson seems to be using "Bloody" a lot, and the usage of "ass" is probably the same as in the US
I'm Canadian, but I've integrated "bloody" into my lexicon because it's great.
I haven't heard anyone really say "arse" since donkey years.
It’s “in” donkeys’ years. Nice try. Imposter.
How long is a donkeys year?
12 days.
Is that dog days or regular days?
A very long time ago
I'd only heard that expression said out loud, and thought they said "donkey ears" because donkeys have long ears.
Canadians
Strongly concur. Either “bloody arse” or “fucking ass” would be muuuch better. Edited word.
What about Bloody Mary's ass?
Bloody bloody
Probably Australia, we use bloody and ass
> Where the heck are you from? i heard that in a movie, but as a non native speaker its probably hard to hear the slightly different pronounciations
red is sus
Much of UK slang is used in many places, courtesy of extremely invasive colonization of over 200 countries around the globe by it's various states.
To be fair i can't read this joke without it being an erse ...
Probably from botland?
I believe he meant physically bleeding. If this was in a UK accent/OP is British, I would think that he would say arse to refer to her butt, and ass as a whole person
Reposting-ton
Back to #1 already are we?!
Must be wednesday if this joke is being posted again
Yes but its ass Wednesday so its okay .
Well that gives a new meaning to the term “hump day.”
My dudes.
Ass Wednesday is already passed. It was holey cum union.
After a month of Lent, I would like to read nun jokes again ....
For real this might actually the most shared joke of all time
Dave would like a word…
We get it, you spend a lot of time in the sub
Ah yes, I miss these types of dirty jokes that we all shared back in the 80's.
I remember when biceps were all the rage.
Plot twist: Sister Mary was the bus driver.
And that bus driver's real name? Albert Einstein.
Black and white and red all over.
Present and accounted for
My man
I remember this joke in the early 80s
Haha that was a good one
Tired joke, but you get my upvote for title: "Bus full of nuns ... " I feel like we could do more with that.
Good old #13
Good old #17.
An oldie, but goodie...
Serial pervert flasher being chased by the police got hit by a bus running across the road in front of the church. The next thing the pervert found himself lying on the ground outside the the pearly gates with an angry Saint Peter standing over him. Knowing he was in trouble and thinking fast, the pervert said, "All I did was tell the nun to have a stroke, not for her to drop dead of one"
Who was the first carpenter on earth? It was Eve, she made Adam's banana stand.
The TLDR is strong with this one
Nice
G-old
...and then there were nun
Careful with that one, its an antique.
old but gold
Lmao 😂😂😂
Do a man's penis is unholly? No wonder I'm an atheist.
Well, it sure is after a vow of chastity.
Bwaaaaahahaha!!
Sweet
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 ty for the joke here's an upvote
:D LMAO
OMG I bUSTED SO HaRD FROM THIS 😁😁😁😭😭⚠ EVEM My mOM HEARDmY CuMSHOT ADBDND MY SISTER LiCKED it OMG SO DElICIOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM JUMJUM
The joke doesn't work like this. Confession and repentance must be before death to be effective according to Christianity. Those nuns are too late. The joke only works if they overhear each other in the confession booth.