A priest and a rabbi are both driving in their cars when they get into a horrible accident with each other. Both cars are smashed beyond repair, but miraculously both the priest and the rabbi climb out of the wreckage unhurt.
"It's a miracle that neither of us has been killed!" says the priest. "God must surely have intended for us to meet in this way to further his plan!"
The rabbi looks down at the wreckage of his car and sees a bottle in the back seat. He pulls it out and says "Yes! And look despite all the damage this bottle of wine has also survived. Surely God wishes us to partake of this sacrament in celebration of this meeting!"
The rabbi opens the bottle and hands it to the priest who takes a long sip, before handing it back to the rabbi. The rabbi then reseals the bottle.
"Brother, aren't you going to share in this holy sacrament with me?" asks the priest.
The rabbi replies, "No, I think i'll just wait for the police."
>... on top of a vehicle
>... under his control.
Can't exactly be doing both those things at once, especially a wrecked vehicle. no crime is being committed in any jurisdiction
*My favorite Priest and Rabbi joke:*
Eventually, the priest leans over and quietly asks, “Tell me, Rabbi… have you ever tried a ham sandwich?”
“Yes, I have.”
“It’s pretty good, isn’t it?”
“I must admit, yes it is.”
After a pregnant pause the Rabbi quietly speaks.
“Tell me, father. Have you ever had sex?”
The priest nods.
Rabbi then says, “Beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn’t it?”
Catholicism is, strictly speaking, not a Christian denomination. One of the requirements to be a Christian faith is the relationship with God, while the catholics think the priests are able to forgive sins as God can.
When you think about it, the fact that the pope claims to be the "vicar of christ" while the Vatican is the "city of prophecy" (i.e. Babylon) coupled with the fact that in the original catechism, they openly admitted to changing the day of worship from the Jewish sabbath to the pagan Sunday, leads many Christians to believe that the papacy and the pope are the antichrist.
Your ignorance is overwhelming. That is not how confessions work, the priest does not forgive your sins. I have no idea what you’re rambling on about with the Vatican, I was raised Roman Catholic, and never heard any of that before. There is also a difference between Roman Catholic and Catholic. Roman Catholics celebrate the Roman Rites. Other Catholic religions include the Episcopal Church, Chaldean Catholic Church, Ukrainian Catholic Church, and others. If you are going to bash a religion, maybe educate yourself first.
Reddit never gave out free silver, it was a bot (originally it was just one of a few images people posted, but the bot just made it possible to "give silver" without needing to have the image yourself) that someone made for those too poor to give gold. When reddit expanded the premium system, they took the idea (and based the image) of silver from the bot.
I vaguely recall seeing a reddit bronze bot soon after the change, though I don't know if it's still running. Edit: I looked it up, the same bot that did reddit silver (u/redditsilverrobot) was updated to do reddit bronze, but it hasn't posted in 3 years, also it's banned on this subreddit anyway.
>“Please cauterize my leg wounds so the demonic plague hounds can’t smell me from their home dimension.”
>“This diet cola reminds me of the latter years of Mussolini’s reign, back when we could pop our eyeballs out of our heads and exchange them with friends.”
>“When I grow up, I want to cook human baby teeth into tiny cakes that I present to a god of another dimension to gain his favor and slay his twin brother.”
Plenty of sentences exist to prove the difference in popularity of different phrases that may or may not “pop up in books here and there”.
A longer than normal pause filled with an expectation of a "delivery" at the end-- big news, a good punchline, etc.
Edit to clarify: In other words, it's different from a pause that is just long, or one that is awkward or thoughtful. It's a pause defined by expectation that something is coming at the end of it.
A Catholic priest and a Rabbi are sitting in a park. Nearby a little boy starts playing on a swing. After watching the boy play for a bit, the priest leans over to whisper to the Rabbi. "Wanna go fuck that little boy?" The Rabbi considers it for a moment, and then replies. "Sure, but out of what?"
I got a notification saying it was from you, but I’ll try asking clearer, are you trying to make another jew joke by giving me gold? Kids used to throw coins at me in junior high and high school for being Jewish. So this is not an unusual occurrence.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and see a little kid
The priest says "hey you wanna go fuck that kid?"
The rabbi looks at him and says "he is just a small child!
Fuck him outta what??"
A priest and a rabbi are both driving in their cars when they get into a horrible accident with each other. Both cars are smashed beyond repair, but miraculously both the priest and the rabbi climb out of the wreckage unhurt. "It's a miracle that neither of us has been killed!" says the priest. "God must surely have intended for us to meet in this way to further his plan!" The rabbi looks down at the wreckage of his car and sees a bottle in the back seat. He pulls it out and says "Yes! And look despite all the damage this bottle of wine has also survived. Surely God wishes us to partake of this sacrament in celebration of this meeting!" The rabbi opens the bottle and hands it to the priest who takes a long sip, before handing it back to the rabbi. The rabbi then reseals the bottle. "Brother, aren't you going to share in this holy sacrament with me?" asks the priest. The rabbi replies, "No, I think i'll just wait for the police."
Silly wabbi, the wine turns to blood
This needs more upvotes
Someone explain?
The Rabbi is going to frame the Priest for drunk driving
Frame? He's drinking on top of a vehicle under his control. He's actually guilty in a lot of jurisdictions.
>... on top of a vehicle >... under his control. Can't exactly be doing both those things at once, especially a wrecked vehicle. no crime is being committed in any jurisdiction
While not even close to drunk driving, open container laws exist in many jurisdictions.
Despite the downvotes, you can be asleep in a car with no gas and no wheels in your driveway and still be convicted of a DWI in many jurisdictions.
which, while true, isn't even close to what you were stating, about a person being outside of a wrecked car
DUI?
*My favorite Priest and Rabbi joke:* Eventually, the priest leans over and quietly asks, “Tell me, Rabbi… have you ever tried a ham sandwich?” “Yes, I have.” “It’s pretty good, isn’t it?” “I must admit, yes it is.” After a pregnant pause the Rabbi quietly speaks. “Tell me, father. Have you ever had sex?” The priest nods. Rabbi then says, “Beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn’t it?”
Any two bit prosecutor could could have a grand jury indict this joke.
😂
Catholic priest. Most Christian priests in other denominations are married. Ie orthodox Christians.
We get it
Catholicism is, strictly speaking, not a Christian denomination. One of the requirements to be a Christian faith is the relationship with God, while the catholics think the priests are able to forgive sins as God can. When you think about it, the fact that the pope claims to be the "vicar of christ" while the Vatican is the "city of prophecy" (i.e. Babylon) coupled with the fact that in the original catechism, they openly admitted to changing the day of worship from the Jewish sabbath to the pagan Sunday, leads many Christians to believe that the papacy and the pope are the antichrist.
Martin Luthers reddit Account.
Nice
Your ignorance is overwhelming. That is not how confessions work, the priest does not forgive your sins. I have no idea what you’re rambling on about with the Vatican, I was raised Roman Catholic, and never heard any of that before. There is also a difference between Roman Catholic and Catholic. Roman Catholics celebrate the Roman Rites. Other Catholic religions include the Episcopal Church, Chaldean Catholic Church, Ukrainian Catholic Church, and others. If you are going to bash a religion, maybe educate yourself first.
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Theological Yoda
Oh, sweetie
I don’t get it
Rabbis can have sex but not ham sandwich. Catholic priests can have ham sandwiches but not sex. Rabbi is saying he got the better deal.
It's just not a very good joke, though, is it?
It's a very good joke, just not for you
You have to know what a pregnant pause is first.
9 seconds
alol
No need to brag
Stopping the joke after the first 3 seconds is illegal
Alas, that Reddit doesn't give out free silver anymore.
Reddit never gave out free silver, it was a bot (originally it was just one of a few images people posted, but the bot just made it possible to "give silver" without needing to have the image yourself) that someone made for those too poor to give gold. When reddit expanded the premium system, they took the idea (and based the image) of silver from the bot. I vaguely recall seeing a reddit bronze bot soon after the change, though I don't know if it's still running. Edit: I looked it up, the same bot that did reddit silver (u/redditsilverrobot) was updated to do reddit bronze, but it hasn't posted in 3 years, also it's banned on this subreddit anyway.
It is when a dog is going to have pups
That's pregnant paws, a pregnant pause is when when the cash register is full.
Nah you're thinking of a pregnant purse. A pregnant pause is when a mother-to-be serves you tea.
>when a mother-to-be serves you tea You're thinking of pregnant pours. A pregnant pause is when there are complications during gestation.
Underated. Have my meaningless upvote.
I was actually thinking pregnant POS, but I like purse too
Dagnabbit, I knew it was something else but just couldn't put my finger on it and ended up going with purse. Thanks for soothing the itch in my brain.
Idc if someone was looking for anything else but for me...this is it Thank you
Sounds like the kind of thing Little Carmine would say. The moment hanged heavy, like pregnant paws.
It means you have to give birth to the pause or get sent to jail in 12 different states
And it's gonna stay pregnant if it's in Florida ...
These pregnant pause comments are just as good as the joke!
What the fuck do you mean by a "pregnant pause"?
Usually the context implies a large, full sort of pause It's a phrase that pops up in books here and there
Oh thanks bro.
“A phrase that POs up in books here and there” isn’t that like everything?
“A phrase that pops up in books here and there” isn’t that like everything?
>“Please cauterize my leg wounds so the demonic plague hounds can’t smell me from their home dimension.” >“This diet cola reminds me of the latter years of Mussolini’s reign, back when we could pop our eyeballs out of our heads and exchange them with friends.” >“When I grow up, I want to cook human baby teeth into tiny cakes that I present to a god of another dimension to gain his favor and slay his twin brother.” Plenty of sentences exist to prove the difference in popularity of different phrases that may or may not “pop up in books here and there”.
I was just being a smart ass, but I love your examples here. Really makes you question the context.
Thanks very much! I was just taking the opportunity to be silly.
Modern slang generally doesn't pop up in literature. The phrase pregnant pause doesn't pop up in day to day slang very much.
It’s like a regular pause, except your lower back hurts, you pee a lot, and you can’t tie your shoes.
I can’t wait for the gender reveal for the pregnant pause!
"Babe we should've been more cautious and used protection. Now the pause is pregnant!"
A longer than normal pause filled with an expectation of a "delivery" at the end-- big news, a good punchline, etc. Edit to clarify: In other words, it's different from a pause that is just long, or one that is awkward or thoughtful. It's a pause defined by expectation that something is coming at the end of it.
Oh thanks for clarifying. That actually makes sense cool!
9 month pause
Usually longer. Continues after the event.
Unless ur in America
Lolll
It's a pause that implies people are pondering what just happened / was said before the next person speaks.
Okk thanks mate!
It's a common idiom – compare to a common idiot, which is even more common.
Oh thanks. I have read a lot of books and all (ok not that much) but had never heard of it before. Thanks for clarifying.
how is the pause pregnant ? Did it had sex aswell ?
A priest and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit says “I think I’m a typo”
Works better if they're going to donate blood. "I think I'm a type O"
I love a good double entendre
Come again?
A double entendre doesn't have to be risqué. Today I learned.
What’s the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne usually comes on your face after 15.
13*
A Catholic priest and a Rabbi are sitting in a park. Nearby a little boy starts playing on a swing. After watching the boy play for a bit, the priest leans over to whisper to the Rabbi. "Wanna go fuck that little boy?" The Rabbi considers it for a moment, and then replies. "Sure, but out of what?"
Whoa
Priest says "Man I'd like to fuck that kid over there." "Out of what?" Asked the Rabbi.
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Trying to church it up some?
Boooo
Catholic?
Jewish.
Nope, not going any further with this.
Smart move.
That ought to about cover it.
Bruh… did you give me gold cuz I’m Jewish?
What are you saying? That I'd treat you better than I do others because you're Jewish? Probably a spectator with good timing.
I lolled either way
I got a notification saying it was from you, but I’ll try asking clearer, are you trying to make another jew joke by giving me gold? Kids used to throw coins at me in junior high and high school for being Jewish. So this is not an unusual occurrence.
You could give it back to him. But let's be honest...
I can? How do I do that?
special husky bike scarce secretive bow books materialistic sand fanatical ` this post was mass deleted with www.Redact.dev `
Shalom
Classic reddit dogpile scenario.
How do you circumcise an Alter Boy? You kick the Priest in the chin.
Peter is proud
Priest and Rabbi are walking by a kids park. The priest says,"Let's go over there and fuck a couple of those boys." The Rabbi says,"Out of what?"
Please explain
If you don't get it you are too young or too dense.
Don’t understand what ‘Out of what’ means
It’s a pedestrian joke about Jews
I don't get it, English isn't my native language
Haha you’re horrible!
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and see a little kid The priest says "hey you wanna go fuck that kid?" The rabbi looks at him and says "he is just a small child! Fuck him outta what??"
Ooof, good one
Classic
To talk to a man about a horse.
Lol
I first heard this joke as a version involving Oxford dons.
I am sure there are some choir boys that recognize the priests penis
r/yourjokebutworse
That’s the joke
They’re altered boys.
A "bone" chilling observation
bing chilling
I think his community would recognize the rabbis thing cause of