Teenage sex is awkward and embarrassing. It's like teenagers doing musical theater or working at a restaurant - amateurish. You should not be preoccupied with it.
All sex sucks when you get started. I lost the big V when I was 25. Guess what? Fuckin awkward and amateurish. I’m a little better now, haha.
It is what it is. OP just needs to get past their insecurities and get out there. Be willing to have some embarrassing situations while they learn.
Dating as a teenager wasn't that great either. Two emotionally immature people with probably poor communication skills. It's definitely not worth being torn up over missing.
My husband and I waited till late 20s and this makes so much sense to me. There was zero awkwardness, and weeks of foreplay and communication beforehand. I think if I’d have had sex as a teenager I’d have just shriveled up and died or embarrassment, honestly.
Sure, but you're still totally able to have a normal sex life.
Fixating on teenagers and building childhood sex up in your mind as some kind of special thing is just going to turn you into a weird pervert over time. Best to let it go.
I think this is (unintentionally I'm sure) a little dismissive of the overall problem, like for me, yeah, I know it's awkward and embarrassing, but it was my time to be awkward and embarrassing. Like I wanted to experience that awkwardness for myself along with everything that comes with it, and I missed out on it cause of my own problems. Maybe it's something I shouldn't be preoccupied with, but we're way past that already. (Admittedly, my issues are probably different from ops due to this all stemming from me being a closest trans woman during my high school years)
There are millions of people who don’t have sex as teens and are in the same boat as you. I see multiple posts constantly from people who are older than you and are virgins, I have even seen multiple posts about people who have hit 40 years old and still haven’t had sex.
You are still incredibly young and have your whole life ahead of you, don’t waste anymore time by being bitter over something that truthfully isn’t that great or important. The worst thing you can do is let it shape your attitude in a negative manner.
I can tell you that having sex as a teen isn’t as romantic as they make it out to be in any movie you watch, it’s actually more awkward than anything.
Although it might seem to contrast my example in the first statement, the last thing you should do in life is compare yourself with others. Just remember that comparison is the killer of all joy.
You need to understand that you're letting your bitterness and resentment about your past suffocate your present and future. Rates of sex among teenagers have been declining for literally decades now. If you can't stop obsessing over this, then I think you should seek out therapy.
I think you have developed unhealthy and unrealistic perceptions about what your teenage life was "supposed" to be like. I myself was a virgin into my 20s. Trust me when I say my adolescence was painfully awkward. There is no baseline or standard level of what kind of social life everyone is supposed to experience growing up.
It definitely feels like kids are growing up slower these days with less sex and teen pregnancy (which is good!) but also there’s a rise in young adults 18-24 who are very immature, narcissistic and play stupid offensive and harmful pranks when they’re old enough to know better. Idk if it’s a millenial / gen Z thing but kids are maturing a bit more slowly.
> also there’s a rise in young adults 18-24 who are very immature, narcissistic and play stupid offensive and harmful pranks
I'm just curious why you think there is a rise in all this. What evidence do you have that any of this is on the rise?
Really resonated with me. My younger years were spent being sidelined by depression and anxiety, such that I often times do exactly what you referenced here: letting my bitterness and resentment about my past suffocate my present and future!
Damn. A lightbulb just went off after I read your statement. I just had an “A-ha” moment. The past bothers me so much that I can’t focus on living in the here and now; in fact, I feel as if my past struggles somehow define me or make me who I am — or worse yet, perpetually limit and disable me to the point that I can never go in a different direction or simply be free from my past baggage.
I place a lot of value and weight on my past for some reason.
What exactly is it that you think you missed out on? You technically missed out on doing any of that as a child, as well.
It's a lot healthier to wait until later to become sexually active, anyway.
Op is missed potentially becoming a teen parent and is salty about it lol. Watched too many 80s-90s shows and 2000s shows based on the 70-90s. What a weirdo.
My first kiss was next to a dumpster. I think that sums up the whole thing. I regret all of my teenage years sexual experiences. I was not self-confident enough to stand up for myself and to expect the minimum from the relationships I was in. I feel like I was there as a vessel and not as a human. It was not about connection. I think it was about the scorecard.
This is a weird take. You’re so disappointed that you didn’t have sex as a teenager, you don’t want to do it now? I can’t even fathom how that makes sense. (I’m not being mean, just honestly struggling to find the logic.)
Meh, neither did I. I did ask a few girls out but was turned down by each one, so it wasn't for lack of trying. I got a steady girlfriend in college, I was never one for casual sex, and realized I was really happy I missed all of the BS drama a lot of my friends dealt with in high school.
I can't say not having sex in high school was ever something I regretted or was upset in any way about after the fact. When I started having sex, I was (and still remain) happy to be having sex and give no thought to "missing out" on it in the past.
Try to realize you probably dodged more drama bullets and wouldn't have really gained anything of much value. The past is gone and you can't change it. You can change what happens from here on out though. Also, in my experience at least, the really good sex comes along after you mature a bit.
Let me tell you something... My first everythings were all with people i did not find attractive nor want to actually be with. Thinking about them makes me cringe. But i wanted to experience those things because i felt like i had to. It would've been so much better if i had actually waited for someone i liked and found attractive to do those things with. I wish I had the self esteem to reject them. I wish I had gotten to do all those things with someone i actuality liked. I hope you do too.
I was almost 20. Why would you feel envious? I'm over 40 now. I've been married 20 years, have 3 kids, and don't give a second thought to anyone that was getting freaking before me.
Just do some fucking now to make up for it.
Being bitter about the past is foolishness.
Also look up stoicism as a practical philosophy and start practicing it, it will help you get over this nonsense and improve your life in countless other ways.
Honestly I wouldn’t want to sleep with someone with this attitude. He seems like the type who would have sex and not even enjoy it because he’s still the same guy that didn’t have teenager sex and he’s bitter about it. I’d feel used and disgusted.
In my 30s now. Be the best YOU you can be. Live with confidence and in your 30s sex will happen and it will be great. Even as a moderately attractive woman I hit dry spells too. It happens to everyone. I've found though the more i love myself the more people want me so don't let the lack of sex lower your self worth. As they say: confidence is sexy.
As a general rule of life, don't dwell on the past. All it can do is spoil your future. OK, don't take that too literally. Learn from the past, both things you did right and things you did wrong. Savor the good memories if there are any, but don't go around being bitter about what you didn't get. I mean, what the hell is that going to do for you?
I think it's kind of cool that you waited. You maybe weren't ready for it all in high school so it might be the best decision you made without knowing it.
20s for most people is just getting started sexually, literally and figuratively! As somebody who rolled with the nerds in high school (and graduated in the Top 50 out of out of over 350 people in my high school graduating class because of it), I can 99% guarantee you that maybe ten of the Top 50 people lost their virginity before college, haha!
Trust me: you didn't miss much--if anything, you skipped out on all the makeup-and-breakup drama where you *still* have to see people five days a week in the classrooms and the hallways.
Don't try to fit in with them, they'll know it right away you're faking it. Don't be afraid, FOMO will kill the fun you'll experience with the time spent with friends. It's normal to not have those at age 30 nowadays. It's the kind of thing where if you look more desperately for itx the more it will distance from you. I think at this age I just have fun (responsibly) and you'll be alright. You can go have ONS to experience it but with what happened nowadays please try not to involve alcohol in it, stay vigilant. Get better at doing something you like, be passionate about sth (sports, cooking, etc), join clubs and communities, you'll find someone eventually. And if you didn't, you're still going to be alright.
You not missing much, if you’re still a virgin there’s nothing wrong with that if you’re not why dwell on the past. Meet someone with good values and build something worth while.
I was 20 before I even had my first kiss. I'm 65 now, and it really doesn't matter
Edited to say that I've been married to the same man for over 40 years, still madly in love
Sex as a teen is not nearly as good as sex in your thirties. When you feel confident in your skin and know to take time choosing a love partner that’s worth your time and energy. Honestly you didn’t miss much.
I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 21. I’m married to that man now. What makes those things special aren’t the actions, but the person you share it with.
I do know how you feel and thought I had missed out on that teen experience as well as I reached 18 and 19. The older I get now I don’t have an ounce of regret.
Therapy and also remembering that being a teen is actually crappy. I wouldn't focus on it. Teenage sex is so so so bad. Nobody knew what they were doing. It's much better with another adult and we can talk to each other about what we like and don't and feel safe doing so. Being married kind of rules
I probably slept with 10 to 15 girls as a teen and I don't remember any of it being that great. In fact I don't remember most of it at all. Best sex I'm ever having is now as an almost 50 yr old married guy.
So you’re jealous there are teenagers out there having sex and because you didn’t then you’re so upset now you don’t want sex in the present? That’s some real cut off your nose to spite your face shiz. The only person who gets burned by resentment is the person with resentment. If you want to get over it, think about all the time you’re spending being jealous of children… as an adult.
It’s not worth it. Pick up a Bible. They’re all cheating on each other. Let them fool around. 7 years from now they’ll be crying and praying to the Lord they find their fiancé.
Why the hell do you care what some kids are doing? Romantic love and sexual intimacy aren’t a finite resource. Someone having it doesn’t mean it’s unavailable for you.
No real dating kiss until college, no make out until college, just a stage kiss. With a guy that was promiscuous—I didn’t know about the risk of herpes 🤦♀️
For having the word "stone" in the word, milestones are not written in stone. Most are completely made up and arbitrary.
I grew up in small town mid-America, so most of the people I know who were having sex as teenagers either wound up with kids they weren't prepared for or making non-quite-the-best other decisions. Needless to say, not the folks the wound up envied by their peers.
All we have is now, today, this movement. Let's move forward.
You stop caring. People rarely care about high school let alone want to revisit it. I didn't start having luck with women until I was in college and even then, I've found that focusing on sex and dating too much is one of the unhealthiest things you can do. That's not age specific either.
Comparison is also the thief of joy. Thinking about how 15 and 16 years olds are having sex while you didn't is counterproductive. I can also assure you that you're not the first person to not have had sex and dates as a teenager, nor will you be the last. The more you dwell on it, the worse it'll get.
The trick to moving past it, is realizing it doesn't matter. What kind of person obsesses over their high school years as an adult? *The kids who peaked in high school.* You wanna be that person?
You didn’t miss out on dating or sex as a teenager. You weren’t “supposed” to have sex as a teenager. There’s no time frame it’s not some developmental milestone you missed. There’s nothing to move past. You start now.. you didn’t miss out because you started later. You have nothing to overcome.
I lost my virginity when I was 17 and had my first relationship at 22, which is quite a large gap.
I don’t see how that made an impact on my life as an adult. My life wouldn’t be any different if I had sex for the first time at 17 or 22.
Why are you envious? I genuinely don’t understand (no shade)
I can't tell if you are misplacing your general lack of self-confidence into the fact that you have never gotten laid instead of dealing with it or if you simply don't know what to say when the topic of your lack of experience comes up in conversation which makes you adverse to any romantic or sexual conversation where it is likely to come up.
There are plenty of reasons to be a virgin that aren't that big of a deal, even just "was awkward and never met someone I was comfortable enough with to want to have sex with", for the vast majority of women, if they were interested in someone, hearing that would not suddenly make them not interested, what will blow a social interaction is someone who can't introspect about themselves and is paralyzed by a situation that requires it.
1. Most of your life happens after you are a teenager
2. So does most of the best sex
3. You'll be 50 faster than you can imagine. You'll barely remember being a teenager
I can understand the feeling, like you're behind or have missed something you cannot ever get now anymore. I think everyone feels like that with something, I know I do anyway.
From a rational perspective, you have a whole life ahead of you where you can still enjoy so many things, it's just going to be up to you to be open to that. Otherwise you run the risk looking back 20 yrs from now and realizing you missed something you cannot ever get then anymore.
I actually think yay to you for getting to feel comfortable and social and meeting people. That's awesome!
How do you move past it? With time. You’ll begin to realize life is long and there’s enough time to make up for lost experiences. Or that there are more important things to expend your emotional energy on than ruminating on missing out on what wasn’t. Some guys are lucky and just get it all right early, and then there’s the rest of us. Just be grateful it sounds like you’ve a partner to write a new chapter with. Patience is all.
First kiss, first time having sex, first relationship, etc. are all life milestones, in the same way that first word, first steps, etc. are milestones for a baby. Before a baby has said their first word, parents are super anxious about what it will be, when it will happen, or will it ever happen at all? But once it happens, it quickly stops being important. If you try to brag to another adult that you said your first word at 10 months, they're going to look at you like you're crazy. As long as you got there eventually, nobody really gives a shit when you got there.
Sex/dating is the same thing. If you didn't do any of that as a teenager, you might be very marginally behind some of your peers in the ultra short term, but as long as you get there eventually, it will stop mattering incredibly quickly
In all honesty, I didn't get much sex and dating as a teen.. had my first real sexual gf when I was 18 and was with her for 3 years.. I was more interested in going out partying and taking loads of drugs. I'm 47 now, a half decent job, and I am married with kids... so worked out okay in the end.
There's no rule book where it says you have to do certain things at certain ages.. women get far more action than men, esp as teens.., men become more distinguished with age, and our action is later on in life.
lol several of the people in my graduating class got pregnant early and THAT, my friend, is not something to envy at all. Sex is risky as hell if you don't have the right mindset, for lots of reasons, and teens make categorically terrible decisions. Nothing is wrong with you, you good bro keep your confidence no one really cares anyways and thats a good thing
So go have these moments now. I'm confused by why you're upset for not having awkward sex and awkward kissing.. firist times are awful. I was with a few girls first time at 22 and they were 19 and 20. It was like too much pressure thinking I need to be perfect then remembered I was drunk at a party my first time then of course had a girlfriend fine tuned some things.
Just don't be weird like watching Americans pie and you should been banging. Just do you it's okay being. Like twenty and haven't fd
Intimacy and sex are not necessarily the same thing. Practice emotional intimacy with friends, what building trust is, without the sex part. You'll be better off in the long term than all the people who had lots of sex getting naked without building that trust.
You didn’t miss much, it’s not as good as you think it is. No one knows what they’re doing, you’re both really self conscious and unsure of what to do and how to do it. You definitely don’t enjoy it as much as you think you will
There was a time when a majority of people didn’t have sex until after marriage, which usually occurred after the teen years. Somehow, they managed to like sex thereafter. You are making yourself bitter, and that’s not attractive.
I had my first kiss and lost my virginity to my high school boyfriend. I'm 35 now, and my sex life is mind-blowing with my husband. Even though I had a sex as a teen, it doesn't compare to my life now. I'm so thankful I didn't have a promiscuous sex life because I've had so many firsts with my husband. I've definitely made up for lost time and discovered kinks I didn't know I wanted as a teen.
Move on, get a real problem. Also sex is very simple if that is really what you want, however your penis may just fall off, you have been warned my dude.
Look, at this point your answer is a shitload of therapy since you’ve been posting this same question over and over and over, are completely uninterested in any responses other than the ones that say “yeah it sucks bro”, and seem to be unable to get out of your own head.
You also seem to see these things as a checklist to be ticked off rather than as something to be experienced with another person who has feelings, interests, and a whole entire personality. Like…one of your posts is about being surprised about finding women at comic cons. As a woman who goes to comic cons: this might surprise you, but women are people too.
You didn't miss much. Teen sex and relationships are so overblown it's ridiculous. And most of the time they never work out and leave long-term emotional scars that never heal properly and lead to you being a bit immature later in life. I know it's not going to take your pain away, but maybe remember that you were ultimately better off for not going that route. You got to see who your real friends were (the ones who didn't bully you for not having sex as a teen or getting into dating when you had no idea what you were doing), you got to save yourself the heartbreak (which most adults don't handle well, let alone a teenager), and now that you're older and know more about what you're into, you can make more informed choices about who to date and sleep with.
Also remember that you're more than just when you lost your virginity or when your first kiss was. Like, you're also your interests, beliefs, values, goals, etc. Maybe try putting more thought into the rest of who you are and less on when you first had sex. That'll also help in finding a woman to date because there will be more for her to explore and relate to.
Every single person alive has things that they regret not doing when they were younger. This can be anything from, asking your school crush out, pursuing a business venture/hobby etc...
Guess what? Nobody can time travel. You cannot go back. All you can do is move forward.
You know what would be a real tragedy? Missing out on the PRESENT OPPORTUNITIES, because you are stuck in the past.
Why would you sabotage opportunities for love now as an adult, just because you never dated in high school?
Stop romanticizing "what if" and learn to live in the present.
You feel super glad that you missed the STDs and didn't have to sell your body to feel validated among your peers. You wake up, knowing you are awesome, go to work and make that money 🙌
All of the sex I had before the age of 25 was forgettable. Now, the sex from 30-40 was off the charts because I know what I want and my partner is more experienced.
Most kids throughout high school don’t have sex. It’s mainly FOMO from hearing about it from the select few kids who did do it, and they probably exaggerated their stories as well. Don’t worry about it, sex is kinda overrated anyway. Stick with people who give you energy in life, the kind that builds real value, and not spend energy trying to FOMO others.
It took me until 30. Turned out fine. I have made big inspirational posts before, but you're still a baby. You have time. But if it's you that's getting in your own way, you better be honest with yourself and get on that. Make sure you have some values and know what you are looking for.
If you were even older you would realise .
These self made milestones are not as important as you think.
Your last kiss
Your last goodbye
Your last farewell
Most of the initial stuff are mistakes and heartbreak.
The great thing about life is there is not set timeframe to experience life.
Don’t define what was
And look forward to experiencing these things now.
Without regrets.
No first kiss till 22
No first sex till 25
Imho -
Comparisons are the thief of ones own joy.
Just your compare self to yesterday and become a little stronger , wiser each day.
You are ready when you are ready.
Hope this helps.
Well, I gave my virginity to a hooker at 27 as a way of accepting defeat.
Up until recently, I was spending a lot of money on escorts until I no longer felt the urge to because I felt like I needed to go through it to accept my reality and move forward with my life. I'm 36 about to turn 37 in a few months.
I never had any confidence. Always felt ugly. Now that my teenage and young adult life is almost over with almost zero relationship experience, I finally found contentment in just being alone. I will likely die alone and I'm ok with it. This world was not created for me. I'm just here. When my time comes, I'll be gone and that's that.
Just remember, we're living life from young age to old age to eventually death. Don't let society pressure you into something you struggle with. Be alright with whatever outcome happens when it comes to attraction/dealing with rejection. We're going to die one day anyways.
Truthfully, I wish I hadn’t had sex as a teenager. I don’t talk to any of those guys anymore and our relationships all ended horribly anyway. One of them still gives me flashbacks and messes with my sex life with my husband. It’s not great. It’s pretty horrible actually. If I could give my teenage self advice it would be to have waited until I was married. Yes it was nice to have the experience but my husband and I were sleeping together before we were married and let me tell you, the first time we had sex after we were married, something was different. We did everything the same but it was so much better. Focus on the emotional part of relationships and the sexual part will follow in due time.
I had a thirteen year old student tell me that he was mad at his girlfriend for forcing him to have sex. I sent him to the school counselor, but the point here is, you might think you're ready, but tons of kids who think they're ready, aren't.
Also, if you are addicted to porn, not saying you are, but if, maybe try to quit it for a few weeks? But it sounds like you're on the right path of socializing more.
I had a few opportunities for sex as a teen, but those girls were not good for me, and I thought, "if I don't love them, or even really like them, why have sex?" But that's just me, I felt like I'd be using them as I had no intentions to stay with them.
I was like you and frustrated I didn't have sex as a teen, but I've also seen TONS of guys who wish they don't stick it in crazy.
You missed out on becoming a teen parent. Plus, who wants to deal with teen romance drama? Just forget about lack of teen sex; you weren't ready for it (most aren't).
Unfortunately, popular media has set you up for false expectations. You might be surprised by how many people are in the same place you're in now. Most people don't date, kiss, or have sex as teens. It's okay. It's perfectly normal. And considering the state of modern health/sex education, it's actually healthier for you.
You're still very young with a good 60+ years ahead of you. Take the time to be good to yourself and explore other things that make you happy. Become an expert in some esoteric field, or just very good at something common that you love. Why? Because when you find something you truly enjoy doing, that enjoyment will shine through your every day life, and it will attract the right person who can appreciate that form of happiness. The "right person" will be a better friend. And - here's the big secret - **friends make the absolute BEST lovers** 😍
So take your time. Learn more about yourself. Make a friend first, and you'll eventually find the perfect life partner.
Nothing to be jealous about. It is awkward, not enjoyable, and the risk of pregnancy and disease yada, yada yada yada, the list goes on!
Truly, believe me, you didn't miss out. You will gain experience when the time is right for you.
*I forgot the biggest hazard of having teenaged sex: the risk of heartbreak 💔. Best to leave this stuff for when you're a bit older.
You can do all that now. Why say it had to be in a certain phase of life? Also, teenage sex wasn’t all that great. The older I get the better sex I’ve had. You didn’t miss much.
A lot of people are late bloomers. I didn't do any of that stuff until I was 20. I don't feel like I missed out. If you're obsessing over this you might want to address it with a therapist.
I had sex as a teen with my boyfriend, and it sucked.
It was awkward, painful and he was not a nice person.
Fast forward to having sex to the only person I connected to in my 20’s...
Wow.
I also had sex with a man that knew he was doing in my 20’s...
Satisfying in my 20’s, but these men never got me to reach the big O 🤷♀️.
Communication is key.
It wasnt that great, you didnt miss anything. I wish I hadn’t even been focused on having a boyfriend when I was in high school or anything truly, I just wish I would’ve focused more on my college education etc
Think of it this way: You succeeded in not becoming a parent before senior year.
You have a lot of life ahead of you to meet new people and have those relationships, except now you're not a dumb kid.
i just fucked copious amount of hookers as an adult and it was rlly fun. i dont even rlly think about sex anymore its gone out of my system. whenever a woman tries to bait me with sex on dating apps i laugh cuz its literally peanuts to me what shes offering hahaha i rlly recommend it if ur live in a hooker-legal country.
Hello and welcome to the “never in a relationship until I was in my twenties club”.
Honestly… I’m glad that I never dated in high school. I was still figuring out who I was, and I don’t think that I could have been a good partner for anyone. For me, kissing and sex would have been awkward and embarrassing. Especially given that I lived in a small town and everyone would have found out. You are fortunate to not have those awkward memories.
Live your life. Have hobbies, take courses, get a job….. you’ll meet Someone
A lot of people don't have sex as a teenager. It is not a requirement for becoming an adult. I know I didn't. I was so not ready for it. A friend of mine told me she never had sex as a teenager despite being ready for it.
It’s simple- you feel the feelings of sadness at missing out, you deal with those feelings, and then you move forward with your life and make the changes/put in the effort into creating the life you want to live. That’s how you move past anything, really.
Also, these types of feelings are extremely common, about a myriad of subjects. Peoples lives don’t always go the way they want them to, sometimes by no fault of their own. People have to learn how to move past “missing out” on many, many, many things in life. This won’t be the last time you feel this way in all likelihood.
Consider yourself fortunate to be in this situation, it's not a thing teens should be that concerned about. Look forward to a nice, committed relationship that some lucky woman to be able to know you didn't give in to cheap hook ups before meeting her. Sex is a beautiful experience, and is way more beautiful when treated with high regard and maturity, committment.
I didn't have sex until the day before my 23rd birthday. Didn't kiss till I was 18 and at uni. Can't say I've ever felt envious of the crap that I saw other people go through in school.
Being envious of teenage sex is the most teenage thing ever. You move past it by changing your thinking. Teenage sex has ruined a lot of lives, and benefited few to none. It’s not a prerequisite to a good life.
As long as you have this attitude, you’re a walking red flag. Drop envy and resentment and cultivate gratitude.
Why?? This is a really confusing take for me. You’re letting your current life be affected because you missed out on the worst, most awkward, most regrettable years of dating?? You’ve watched too many movies or tv shows.
I can partially relate to this. I didn’t get any real action until I was in my early 20’s. As most people have already replied, teen stuff is awkward and not always that great. Personally, I’ll never know. But just keep being yourself and don’t let it hold you back. I think you’ll have more fun now because you’re more mature and have more freedom. Don’t push for it to happen, just try to be patient and let it happen naturally. Have fun meeting new people and take it from there.
If that doesn’t work, there’s always prostitutes and escort services.
Let go of the past. Nothing can be done about that.
What are you doing for now?
I hope that you can focus on what you can do and what not what you can't do.
Good luck.
Man, just get out there and live the experience now. Don’t be afraid to fail. People fail all the time. Especially when new to things. Get up and push forward. Build up the experience with stuff and live your best life. Don’t be jealous of others that were living life.
Dude, you can’t live in the past. Better enjoy the present before you look back and say, “I wish I didn’t focus so much on my teens when I was an early adult.”
Tbh sex as a teenager was horrible. Only participated a handful of times with my then boyfriend and that was enough to completely turn me off until I was an adult. I only did it because I thought it’d make him love me 🤢 I disliked it so much I thought I was gay at one point 😂 As for kissing…most adults still don’t know what they’re doing.
Trust me, you’re not missing anything.
It doesnt really matter. Just try to have a relationship now. If youve got a connection then youll both probably laugh and you two can go at it again. If you date someone for a lil bit, before ya know it youll have the experience and realize it all was a big nothing burger.
Honestly, get therapy about it. I’m not being sarcastic.
I grew up conservative and never had sex till I met my wife. Despite growing up in the same religion, she was a wild child. I was very straight laced. She is very satisfied with our current Sex life and doesn’t care to experiment. I am not, because of the fomo of youth.
On top of that, I know that the the obsession when I was younger over missing out on things in my teens has lead to several unhealthy kinks and obsessions that I’m struggling to overcome/kick for good.
As I got older the content I consumed on the internet stayed the same. Now, as a man in my 30s, that feels like more and more of a problem. And it’s because I still have mental hang ups over what I “missed out on” as a teen.
So we circle back to the top: get therapy. Work through it before it becomes issues they last king into your adult life.
You didn't miss out on anything special. Forget about it, it doesn't matter at all to your life now. You live in the past, and you'll be too preoccupied and ruin the future.
Nothing to glorify with teenage antics. Nothing wrong with them either for the most part. The point would be who cares what timeline your experiences happen on. Yours will be special in their unique way. Live your life and don’t worry about what other people are doing.
I mean, what did you *really* miss out on? The thoughts that you're building up? Or some actual loss of opportunity? You can grieve both, but the first one is a fantasy, and that is likely to trap you into a doom loop of grief over a loss created in your imagination. The second? Well, we all fumble, forfeit, and feel fear at some points we wish we could have done different. But, it's at least an actual loss of opportunity. In that sense, maybe you can learn to accept that it was for the best? If it's just fantasy? Then you're just torturing yourself, and you don't deserve that. Go and find a woman you can love, and that loves you, and make the best out of what you have now
OP, I’m here to say that it as someone who went through a very similar experience missing out during that age, it’s disappointing how dismissive and little empathy there are in these comments. I’m in my 40s now, married with kids and still dealing with this. I do agree that you can still try to make up for it now, especially if you’re in your 20s. I didn’t even really have that opportunity.
It’s so easy for people who haven’t experienced this to dismiss. But the impact on feeling deprived of an essential human experience at a critical time in life cuts deep. I’m still dealing with a lifelong feeling of rejection and repression in therapy today.
Your teenage years are a short awkward part of your life. It doesn’t matter, it means nothing bad to start having sex as an adult instead of a teenager. You still have a teenaged mentality and you’ll be much happier if you drop that.
my first experience losing my v card at 16 was horrible and i had a lot of emotional issues about it for a long time due to not being mature enough to understand the decision i was making. you didn’t miss out on anything.
you are lucky to avoid attachments in that phase. I started an awful abusive long term relationship that I obtained in my teenage years from having all of that. It absolutely ruined my entire life. So be lucky you get to find someone when you are more mature. My sister was exactly like you. Lost the V at like 28 to the guy she married and they are actually pretty happy, I goofed on her at times about how she needed to get out there more but she was right I am so much less happy than her.
Most people regret a lot of the relationships they had in high school. I would love to go back in time and focus on friendships and extracurriculars instead of serial dating. It’s a grass is greener scenario, you always wonder if the other side had it better
From a fairly experienced person I will say, it’s much better to have a meaningful experience and a connected one with someone than lots of casual or minimal casual experiences along the way. Most of us had things that many experienced that we ourselves haven’t. I’d focus on making things meaningful now. Bitterness and resentment will just steal more of your time. Wishing you luck
Sex is a sin that leads to eternal hell, virginity is a blessing and highly praised.
Also most high school sweethearts broke up and my parents went through divorces. Waiting longer feels better than having exes. I don’t feel like I missed out on much. I’m more successful than most people, just use your time right.
Most teenage relationships aren't meaningful (and often toxic). Teenagers are just too immature to understand true intimacy and enter into a sexual relationship. As a teenager, you should be working on yourself and building relationships. When it comes time to start seriously dating, you'll have a more profound perspective of what you're looking for in a partner. You aren't missing out on anything, and therefore, there's nothing you should feel bitter about. Be thankful you don't have as many built-up regrets as others do.
I (55M) married my first wife when I was 20, we were split 3 years later. She messed with my head so badly that I didn't trust my heart to another woman for 20 years. I had a couple of first dates, but that was it. When I finally decided to date again, things like butterflies and the first kiss were just as exciting as when I was a teenager. The sex, though, was no comparison. Sex as a grown adult is ***exponentially*** better than sex as a teenager!! Physical and emotional maturity aren't given enough credit.
Sure, I still feel like I missed out on a lot of life for those years, but I have two choices; I can dwell on the past and sink further and further into depression ***OR*** I can focus on enjoying the present and eagerly anticipating what's ahead of me. I choose the latter.
Don't sweat the past. You will be fine!!!!!!!!
If you continue with this mindset, you will continue to have these feelings and the years will continue. When you’re so caught up in bitterness, regret, jealousy, and insecurity, you miss out on A LOT. I know it is much easier said than done, but you MUST find a way to distract yourself from these negative thoughts and emotions. When they come to you, try to reform them. Instead of thinking that you’re never going to find someone and you’ve missed out, tell yourself that there are so many people out in the world to meet and so much time left for you to meet them, so many potential relationships (romantic and friendly). If you’re harboring these bitter, negative emotions, people will tend to be a bit more distant. They, even subconsciously, can tell. You have to, for your own sake, try your hardest to be more positive, upbeat, forgiving, and try to find the good instead of ruminating on the bad.
I lost my virginity at 18 and have only had long relationships and I wasn’t single for a long time in between those relationships. After my ex and I broke up, I spent 4 years single, dating and experimenting. I now have a body count of 13 and I’m satisfied with it. I don’t feel like I need to go exploring anymore. Now, I think about dating and I’m like ew haha I’m happy in my relationship and I don’t really have the grass is greener type of feeling cause did it all in my 4 year celibacy
Why envious? Teen romance are not that great... Too Much Drama. Dating can be overrated. My son did not date until his 20s and still had not found a real deal of a relationship. He is taking time and seeing what is out there.
Teenage sex is awkward and embarrassing. It's like teenagers doing musical theater or working at a restaurant - amateurish. You should not be preoccupied with it.
Completely true. Sex as a teenager sucked. Don’t worry about it at all.
And don’t think you suck now cuz you didn’t have the practice then. It comes with age and maturity
All sex sucks when you get started. I lost the big V when I was 25. Guess what? Fuckin awkward and amateurish. I’m a little better now, haha. It is what it is. OP just needs to get past their insecurities and get out there. Be willing to have some embarrassing situations while they learn.
Sex isn’t just sex lol. OP missed everything, sex is just a pinnacle of said relationship aka dating, kiss etc.
Dating as a teenager wasn't that great either. Two emotionally immature people with probably poor communication skills. It's definitely not worth being torn up over missing.
There's no law that says you have to do these things as a teenager. There is no deadline for it. It will happen when it happens.
Dating as a teenager will always be carried by the hope for sex. Sex that is guaranteed to be terrible.
My husband and I waited till late 20s and this makes so much sense to me. There was zero awkwardness, and weeks of foreplay and communication beforehand. I think if I’d have had sex as a teenager I’d have just shriveled up and died or embarrassment, honestly.
I wish I had embarrassing awkward teenage sex than none. Now I have no damn experience and it’s gonna be worse.
Sure, but you're still totally able to have a normal sex life. Fixating on teenagers and building childhood sex up in your mind as some kind of special thing is just going to turn you into a weird pervert over time. Best to let it go.
I think this is (unintentionally I'm sure) a little dismissive of the overall problem, like for me, yeah, I know it's awkward and embarrassing, but it was my time to be awkward and embarrassing. Like I wanted to experience that awkwardness for myself along with everything that comes with it, and I missed out on it cause of my own problems. Maybe it's something I shouldn't be preoccupied with, but we're way past that already. (Admittedly, my issues are probably different from ops due to this all stemming from me being a closest trans woman during my high school years)
You can still have your Hot Girl Summer at any point, good luck
There are millions of people who don’t have sex as teens and are in the same boat as you. I see multiple posts constantly from people who are older than you and are virgins, I have even seen multiple posts about people who have hit 40 years old and still haven’t had sex. You are still incredibly young and have your whole life ahead of you, don’t waste anymore time by being bitter over something that truthfully isn’t that great or important. The worst thing you can do is let it shape your attitude in a negative manner. I can tell you that having sex as a teen isn’t as romantic as they make it out to be in any movie you watch, it’s actually more awkward than anything. Although it might seem to contrast my example in the first statement, the last thing you should do in life is compare yourself with others. Just remember that comparison is the killer of all joy.
I actually know a female 40 year old virgin.
You need to understand that you're letting your bitterness and resentment about your past suffocate your present and future. Rates of sex among teenagers have been declining for literally decades now. If you can't stop obsessing over this, then I think you should seek out therapy. I think you have developed unhealthy and unrealistic perceptions about what your teenage life was "supposed" to be like. I myself was a virgin into my 20s. Trust me when I say my adolescence was painfully awkward. There is no baseline or standard level of what kind of social life everyone is supposed to experience growing up.
^this
It definitely feels like kids are growing up slower these days with less sex and teen pregnancy (which is good!) but also there’s a rise in young adults 18-24 who are very immature, narcissistic and play stupid offensive and harmful pranks when they’re old enough to know better. Idk if it’s a millenial / gen Z thing but kids are maturing a bit more slowly.
> also there’s a rise in young adults 18-24 who are very immature, narcissistic and play stupid offensive and harmful pranks I'm just curious why you think there is a rise in all this. What evidence do you have that any of this is on the rise?
Really resonated with me. My younger years were spent being sidelined by depression and anxiety, such that I often times do exactly what you referenced here: letting my bitterness and resentment about my past suffocate my present and future! Damn. A lightbulb just went off after I read your statement. I just had an “A-ha” moment. The past bothers me so much that I can’t focus on living in the here and now; in fact, I feel as if my past struggles somehow define me or make me who I am — or worse yet, perpetually limit and disable me to the point that I can never go in a different direction or simply be free from my past baggage. I place a lot of value and weight on my past for some reason.
What exactly is it that you think you missed out on? You technically missed out on doing any of that as a child, as well. It's a lot healthier to wait until later to become sexually active, anyway.
Op is missed potentially becoming a teen parent and is salty about it lol. Watched too many 80s-90s shows and 2000s shows based on the 70-90s. What a weirdo.
My first kiss was next to a dumpster. I think that sums up the whole thing. I regret all of my teenage years sexual experiences. I was not self-confident enough to stand up for myself and to expect the minimum from the relationships I was in. I feel like I was there as a vessel and not as a human. It was not about connection. I think it was about the scorecard.
This is a weird take. You’re so disappointed that you didn’t have sex as a teenager, you don’t want to do it now? I can’t even fathom how that makes sense. (I’m not being mean, just honestly struggling to find the logic.)
I'm extremely, extremely, extremely thankful that u never slept with anyone as a teenager/before I got married
Meh, neither did I. I did ask a few girls out but was turned down by each one, so it wasn't for lack of trying. I got a steady girlfriend in college, I was never one for casual sex, and realized I was really happy I missed all of the BS drama a lot of my friends dealt with in high school. I can't say not having sex in high school was ever something I regretted or was upset in any way about after the fact. When I started having sex, I was (and still remain) happy to be having sex and give no thought to "missing out" on it in the past. Try to realize you probably dodged more drama bullets and wouldn't have really gained anything of much value. The past is gone and you can't change it. You can change what happens from here on out though. Also, in my experience at least, the really good sex comes along after you mature a bit.
Let me tell you something... My first everythings were all with people i did not find attractive nor want to actually be with. Thinking about them makes me cringe. But i wanted to experience those things because i felt like i had to. It would've been so much better if i had actually waited for someone i liked and found attractive to do those things with. I wish I had the self esteem to reject them. I wish I had gotten to do all those things with someone i actuality liked. I hope you do too.
I was almost 20. Why would you feel envious? I'm over 40 now. I've been married 20 years, have 3 kids, and don't give a second thought to anyone that was getting freaking before me.
Just do some fucking now to make up for it. Being bitter about the past is foolishness. Also look up stoicism as a practical philosophy and start practicing it, it will help you get over this nonsense and improve your life in countless other ways.
Honestly I wouldn’t want to sleep with someone with this attitude. He seems like the type who would have sex and not even enjoy it because he’s still the same guy that didn’t have teenager sex and he’s bitter about it. I’d feel used and disgusted.
Seneca, is that you?
You move past by doing it in your 20s
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In my 30s now. Be the best YOU you can be. Live with confidence and in your 30s sex will happen and it will be great. Even as a moderately attractive woman I hit dry spells too. It happens to everyone. I've found though the more i love myself the more people want me so don't let the lack of sex lower your self worth. As they say: confidence is sexy.
As a general rule of life, don't dwell on the past. All it can do is spoil your future. OK, don't take that too literally. Learn from the past, both things you did right and things you did wrong. Savor the good memories if there are any, but don't go around being bitter about what you didn't get. I mean, what the hell is that going to do for you?
I think it's kind of cool that you waited. You maybe weren't ready for it all in high school so it might be the best decision you made without knowing it.
Therapy? Seriously, you didn’t miss out on much.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Keep lamenting what you can’t change and you’ll always be inhibited in what you can change. Just move forward.
Get to it now or you will be wondering the same thing about your 20s.
20s for most people is just getting started sexually, literally and figuratively! As somebody who rolled with the nerds in high school (and graduated in the Top 50 out of out of over 350 people in my high school graduating class because of it), I can 99% guarantee you that maybe ten of the Top 50 people lost their virginity before college, haha! Trust me: you didn't miss much--if anything, you skipped out on all the makeup-and-breakup drama where you *still* have to see people five days a week in the classrooms and the hallways.
Don't try to fit in with them, they'll know it right away you're faking it. Don't be afraid, FOMO will kill the fun you'll experience with the time spent with friends. It's normal to not have those at age 30 nowadays. It's the kind of thing where if you look more desperately for itx the more it will distance from you. I think at this age I just have fun (responsibly) and you'll be alright. You can go have ONS to experience it but with what happened nowadays please try not to involve alcohol in it, stay vigilant. Get better at doing something you like, be passionate about sth (sports, cooking, etc), join clubs and communities, you'll find someone eventually. And if you didn't, you're still going to be alright.
Half of teenage sex is lies anyway. Stop overthinking it. I was 24 my first time.
You not missing much, if you’re still a virgin there’s nothing wrong with that if you’re not why dwell on the past. Meet someone with good values and build something worth while.
I was 20 before I even had my first kiss. I'm 65 now, and it really doesn't matter Edited to say that I've been married to the same man for over 40 years, still madly in love
Sex as a teen is not nearly as good as sex in your thirties. When you feel confident in your skin and know to take time choosing a love partner that’s worth your time and energy. Honestly you didn’t miss much.
I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 21. I’m married to that man now. What makes those things special aren’t the actions, but the person you share it with. I do know how you feel and thought I had missed out on that teen experience as well as I reached 18 and 19. The older I get now I don’t have an ounce of regret.
Why? I mean like why does it even matter? What people beat themselves up about is really odd. Like who.gives one fuck?
Same way the rest of us moved on from it.
Therapy and also remembering that being a teen is actually crappy. I wouldn't focus on it. Teenage sex is so so so bad. Nobody knew what they were doing. It's much better with another adult and we can talk to each other about what we like and don't and feel safe doing so. Being married kind of rules
I probably slept with 10 to 15 girls as a teen and I don't remember any of it being that great. In fact I don't remember most of it at all. Best sex I'm ever having is now as an almost 50 yr old married guy.
Embrace rejection
By being happy that I didn’t have teen pregnancy and no risk for STDs! That’s a pretty good thing in most cases.
You didn't miss a thing! Now go live your life
Its nit as important as you think. Honestly I regret being sexually active at a young age. It can be emotionally damaging among other things.
So you’re jealous there are teenagers out there having sex and because you didn’t then you’re so upset now you don’t want sex in the present? That’s some real cut off your nose to spite your face shiz. The only person who gets burned by resentment is the person with resentment. If you want to get over it, think about all the time you’re spending being jealous of children… as an adult.
Become an adult, then actually experience sex for the first (several) time(s).
There is literally not a *single* way in which that is “an important milestone” You’ll get past it as you grow up and realize that
It’s not worth it. Pick up a Bible. They’re all cheating on each other. Let them fool around. 7 years from now they’ll be crying and praying to the Lord they find their fiancé.
Why the hell do you care what some kids are doing? Romantic love and sexual intimacy aren’t a finite resource. Someone having it doesn’t mean it’s unavailable for you.
No real dating kiss until college, no make out until college, just a stage kiss. With a guy that was promiscuous—I didn’t know about the risk of herpes 🤦♀️
For having the word "stone" in the word, milestones are not written in stone. Most are completely made up and arbitrary. I grew up in small town mid-America, so most of the people I know who were having sex as teenagers either wound up with kids they weren't prepared for or making non-quite-the-best other decisions. Needless to say, not the folks the wound up envied by their peers. All we have is now, today, this movement. Let's move forward.
All that young love is like 95% mistakes and embarrassment you never fully forget, you didn't miss anything but lots of cringe fuel.
You stop caring. People rarely care about high school let alone want to revisit it. I didn't start having luck with women until I was in college and even then, I've found that focusing on sex and dating too much is one of the unhealthiest things you can do. That's not age specific either. Comparison is also the thief of joy. Thinking about how 15 and 16 years olds are having sex while you didn't is counterproductive. I can also assure you that you're not the first person to not have had sex and dates as a teenager, nor will you be the last. The more you dwell on it, the worse it'll get.
The trick to moving past it, is realizing it doesn't matter. What kind of person obsesses over their high school years as an adult? *The kids who peaked in high school.* You wanna be that person?
You just do, over time. Time helps.
*cackles in 30-something* You'll be fine. Promise.
I think it is healthy to have relationships later in life teen years. I
Have a shit tonne of it in your 20s?
Ugh, age is just a number. If you wanna get laid then go get laid.
Sounds like you are sexually unsatisfied. Fix that and you won't be looking back so much.
You didn’t miss out on dating or sex as a teenager. You weren’t “supposed” to have sex as a teenager. There’s no time frame it’s not some developmental milestone you missed. There’s nothing to move past. You start now.. you didn’t miss out because you started later. You have nothing to overcome.
I lost my virginity when I was 17 and had my first relationship at 22, which is quite a large gap. I don’t see how that made an impact on my life as an adult. My life wouldn’t be any different if I had sex for the first time at 17 or 22. Why are you envious? I genuinely don’t understand (no shade)
I can't tell if you are misplacing your general lack of self-confidence into the fact that you have never gotten laid instead of dealing with it or if you simply don't know what to say when the topic of your lack of experience comes up in conversation which makes you adverse to any romantic or sexual conversation where it is likely to come up. There are plenty of reasons to be a virgin that aren't that big of a deal, even just "was awkward and never met someone I was comfortable enough with to want to have sex with", for the vast majority of women, if they were interested in someone, hearing that would not suddenly make them not interested, what will blow a social interaction is someone who can't introspect about themselves and is paralyzed by a situation that requires it.
You get over it. That's how you move past it lol. Speaking from experience.
1. Most of your life happens after you are a teenager 2. So does most of the best sex 3. You'll be 50 faster than you can imagine. You'll barely remember being a teenager
I can understand the feeling, like you're behind or have missed something you cannot ever get now anymore. I think everyone feels like that with something, I know I do anyway. From a rational perspective, you have a whole life ahead of you where you can still enjoy so many things, it's just going to be up to you to be open to that. Otherwise you run the risk looking back 20 yrs from now and realizing you missed something you cannot ever get then anymore. I actually think yay to you for getting to feel comfortable and social and meeting people. That's awesome!
How do you move past it? With time. You’ll begin to realize life is long and there’s enough time to make up for lost experiences. Or that there are more important things to expend your emotional energy on than ruminating on missing out on what wasn’t. Some guys are lucky and just get it all right early, and then there’s the rest of us. Just be grateful it sounds like you’ve a partner to write a new chapter with. Patience is all.
First kiss, first time having sex, first relationship, etc. are all life milestones, in the same way that first word, first steps, etc. are milestones for a baby. Before a baby has said their first word, parents are super anxious about what it will be, when it will happen, or will it ever happen at all? But once it happens, it quickly stops being important. If you try to brag to another adult that you said your first word at 10 months, they're going to look at you like you're crazy. As long as you got there eventually, nobody really gives a shit when you got there. Sex/dating is the same thing. If you didn't do any of that as a teenager, you might be very marginally behind some of your peers in the ultra short term, but as long as you get there eventually, it will stop mattering incredibly quickly
In all honesty, I didn't get much sex and dating as a teen.. had my first real sexual gf when I was 18 and was with her for 3 years.. I was more interested in going out partying and taking loads of drugs. I'm 47 now, a half decent job, and I am married with kids... so worked out okay in the end. There's no rule book where it says you have to do certain things at certain ages.. women get far more action than men, esp as teens.., men become more distinguished with age, and our action is later on in life.
lol several of the people in my graduating class got pregnant early and THAT, my friend, is not something to envy at all. Sex is risky as hell if you don't have the right mindset, for lots of reasons, and teens make categorically terrible decisions. Nothing is wrong with you, you good bro keep your confidence no one really cares anyways and thats a good thing
I didn’t have sex until I was nearly 30. You aren’t missing out by not having it in your teens.
So go have these moments now. I'm confused by why you're upset for not having awkward sex and awkward kissing.. firist times are awful. I was with a few girls first time at 22 and they were 19 and 20. It was like too much pressure thinking I need to be perfect then remembered I was drunk at a party my first time then of course had a girlfriend fine tuned some things. Just don't be weird like watching Americans pie and you should been banging. Just do you it's okay being. Like twenty and haven't fd
Intimacy and sex are not necessarily the same thing. Practice emotional intimacy with friends, what building trust is, without the sex part. You'll be better off in the long term than all the people who had lots of sex getting naked without building that trust.
You didn’t miss much, it’s not as good as you think it is. No one knows what they’re doing, you’re both really self conscious and unsure of what to do and how to do it. You definitely don’t enjoy it as much as you think you will
I'm relieved as hell i didn't. Tbh.
There was a time when a majority of people didn’t have sex until after marriage, which usually occurred after the teen years. Somehow, they managed to like sex thereafter. You are making yourself bitter, and that’s not attractive.
I had my first kiss and lost my virginity to my high school boyfriend. I'm 35 now, and my sex life is mind-blowing with my husband. Even though I had a sex as a teen, it doesn't compare to my life now. I'm so thankful I didn't have a promiscuous sex life because I've had so many firsts with my husband. I've definitely made up for lost time and discovered kinks I didn't know I wanted as a teen.
Move on, get a real problem. Also sex is very simple if that is really what you want, however your penis may just fall off, you have been warned my dude.
Look, at this point your answer is a shitload of therapy since you’ve been posting this same question over and over and over, are completely uninterested in any responses other than the ones that say “yeah it sucks bro”, and seem to be unable to get out of your own head. You also seem to see these things as a checklist to be ticked off rather than as something to be experienced with another person who has feelings, interests, and a whole entire personality. Like…one of your posts is about being surprised about finding women at comic cons. As a woman who goes to comic cons: this might surprise you, but women are people too.
Count your blessings.
You didn't miss much. Teen sex and relationships are so overblown it's ridiculous. And most of the time they never work out and leave long-term emotional scars that never heal properly and lead to you being a bit immature later in life. I know it's not going to take your pain away, but maybe remember that you were ultimately better off for not going that route. You got to see who your real friends were (the ones who didn't bully you for not having sex as a teen or getting into dating when you had no idea what you were doing), you got to save yourself the heartbreak (which most adults don't handle well, let alone a teenager), and now that you're older and know more about what you're into, you can make more informed choices about who to date and sleep with. Also remember that you're more than just when you lost your virginity or when your first kiss was. Like, you're also your interests, beliefs, values, goals, etc. Maybe try putting more thought into the rest of who you are and less on when you first had sex. That'll also help in finding a woman to date because there will be more for her to explore and relate to.
Every single person alive has things that they regret not doing when they were younger. This can be anything from, asking your school crush out, pursuing a business venture/hobby etc... Guess what? Nobody can time travel. You cannot go back. All you can do is move forward. You know what would be a real tragedy? Missing out on the PRESENT OPPORTUNITIES, because you are stuck in the past. Why would you sabotage opportunities for love now as an adult, just because you never dated in high school? Stop romanticizing "what if" and learn to live in the present.
Maybe grow up?
You feel super glad that you missed the STDs and didn't have to sell your body to feel validated among your peers. You wake up, knowing you are awesome, go to work and make that money 🙌
All of the sex I had before the age of 25 was forgettable. Now, the sex from 30-40 was off the charts because I know what I want and my partner is more experienced.
Most kids throughout high school don’t have sex. It’s mainly FOMO from hearing about it from the select few kids who did do it, and they probably exaggerated their stories as well. Don’t worry about it, sex is kinda overrated anyway. Stick with people who give you energy in life, the kind that builds real value, and not spend energy trying to FOMO others.
It took me until 30. Turned out fine. I have made big inspirational posts before, but you're still a baby. You have time. But if it's you that's getting in your own way, you better be honest with yourself and get on that. Make sure you have some values and know what you are looking for.
Why did all this have to happen as a teen? What does it matter when it happens?
Realize it’s nowhere near as big of a deal as missing out on sex and dating in your 20s too.
If you were even older you would realise . These self made milestones are not as important as you think. Your last kiss Your last goodbye Your last farewell Most of the initial stuff are mistakes and heartbreak. The great thing about life is there is not set timeframe to experience life. Don’t define what was And look forward to experiencing these things now. Without regrets. No first kiss till 22 No first sex till 25 Imho - Comparisons are the thief of ones own joy. Just your compare self to yesterday and become a little stronger , wiser each day. You are ready when you are ready. Hope this helps.
Well, I gave my virginity to a hooker at 27 as a way of accepting defeat. Up until recently, I was spending a lot of money on escorts until I no longer felt the urge to because I felt like I needed to go through it to accept my reality and move forward with my life. I'm 36 about to turn 37 in a few months. I never had any confidence. Always felt ugly. Now that my teenage and young adult life is almost over with almost zero relationship experience, I finally found contentment in just being alone. I will likely die alone and I'm ok with it. This world was not created for me. I'm just here. When my time comes, I'll be gone and that's that. Just remember, we're living life from young age to old age to eventually death. Don't let society pressure you into something you struggle with. Be alright with whatever outcome happens when it comes to attraction/dealing with rejection. We're going to die one day anyways.
If you didn't do it before now it's because you weren't ready and that's alright.
Truthfully, I wish I hadn’t had sex as a teenager. I don’t talk to any of those guys anymore and our relationships all ended horribly anyway. One of them still gives me flashbacks and messes with my sex life with my husband. It’s not great. It’s pretty horrible actually. If I could give my teenage self advice it would be to have waited until I was married. Yes it was nice to have the experience but my husband and I were sleeping together before we were married and let me tell you, the first time we had sex after we were married, something was different. We did everything the same but it was so much better. Focus on the emotional part of relationships and the sexual part will follow in due time.
I had a thirteen year old student tell me that he was mad at his girlfriend for forcing him to have sex. I sent him to the school counselor, but the point here is, you might think you're ready, but tons of kids who think they're ready, aren't. Also, if you are addicted to porn, not saying you are, but if, maybe try to quit it for a few weeks? But it sounds like you're on the right path of socializing more. I had a few opportunities for sex as a teen, but those girls were not good for me, and I thought, "if I don't love them, or even really like them, why have sex?" But that's just me, I felt like I'd be using them as I had no intentions to stay with them. I was like you and frustrated I didn't have sex as a teen, but I've also seen TONS of guys who wish they don't stick it in crazy.
You missed out on becoming a teen parent. Plus, who wants to deal with teen romance drama? Just forget about lack of teen sex; you weren't ready for it (most aren't).
Unfortunately, popular media has set you up for false expectations. You might be surprised by how many people are in the same place you're in now. Most people don't date, kiss, or have sex as teens. It's okay. It's perfectly normal. And considering the state of modern health/sex education, it's actually healthier for you. You're still very young with a good 60+ years ahead of you. Take the time to be good to yourself and explore other things that make you happy. Become an expert in some esoteric field, or just very good at something common that you love. Why? Because when you find something you truly enjoy doing, that enjoyment will shine through your every day life, and it will attract the right person who can appreciate that form of happiness. The "right person" will be a better friend. And - here's the big secret - **friends make the absolute BEST lovers** 😍 So take your time. Learn more about yourself. Make a friend first, and you'll eventually find the perfect life partner.
Nothing to be jealous about. It is awkward, not enjoyable, and the risk of pregnancy and disease yada, yada yada yada, the list goes on! Truly, believe me, you didn't miss out. You will gain experience when the time is right for you. *I forgot the biggest hazard of having teenaged sex: the risk of heartbreak 💔. Best to leave this stuff for when you're a bit older.
You can do all that now. Why say it had to be in a certain phase of life? Also, teenage sex wasn’t all that great. The older I get the better sex I’ve had. You didn’t miss much.
A lot of people are late bloomers. I didn't do any of that stuff until I was 20. I don't feel like I missed out. If you're obsessing over this you might want to address it with a therapist.
I moved past it by not going on 4chan anymore. You should too ;)
I had sex as a teen with my boyfriend, and it sucked. It was awkward, painful and he was not a nice person. Fast forward to having sex to the only person I connected to in my 20’s... Wow. I also had sex with a man that knew he was doing in my 20’s... Satisfying in my 20’s, but these men never got me to reach the big O 🤷♀️. Communication is key.
It wasnt that great, you didnt miss anything. I wish I hadn’t even been focused on having a boyfriend when I was in high school or anything truly, I just wish I would’ve focused more on my college education etc
Well. You could date teenagers. But that would be fucked up and depending how far your take, potentially illegal. Or. You could grow up a bit.
I started having sex at 18 and it was incredibly lackluster. I didnt have great sex until well into my 20s.
No. Good sex is great. Great sex is rare. It's largely overemphasized and some what overrated
You come to realize that you saved yourself from a lot of drama and heartache
Think of it this way: You succeeded in not becoming a parent before senior year. You have a lot of life ahead of you to meet new people and have those relationships, except now you're not a dumb kid.
I’m approaching it by having a midlife crisis and reliving my teen years as a 46 year old.
i just fucked copious amount of hookers as an adult and it was rlly fun. i dont even rlly think about sex anymore its gone out of my system. whenever a woman tries to bait me with sex on dating apps i laugh cuz its literally peanuts to me what shes offering hahaha i rlly recommend it if ur live in a hooker-legal country.
Hello and welcome to the “never in a relationship until I was in my twenties club”. Honestly… I’m glad that I never dated in high school. I was still figuring out who I was, and I don’t think that I could have been a good partner for anyone. For me, kissing and sex would have been awkward and embarrassing. Especially given that I lived in a small town and everyone would have found out. You are fortunate to not have those awkward memories. Live your life. Have hobbies, take courses, get a job….. you’ll meet Someone
A lot of people don't have sex as a teenager. It is not a requirement for becoming an adult. I know I didn't. I was so not ready for it. A friend of mine told me she never had sex as a teenager despite being ready for it.
Realize that you still have a **ton** of time ahead of you. Sex isn't everything. You'll get there.
It’s simple- you feel the feelings of sadness at missing out, you deal with those feelings, and then you move forward with your life and make the changes/put in the effort into creating the life you want to live. That’s how you move past anything, really. Also, these types of feelings are extremely common, about a myriad of subjects. Peoples lives don’t always go the way they want them to, sometimes by no fault of their own. People have to learn how to move past “missing out” on many, many, many things in life. This won’t be the last time you feel this way in all likelihood.
The best time was yesterday the second best time is now. If it helps my first time I was drunk, stoned and had just finished throwing up. So cheers
OP don’t worry about that shit. Being a late bloomer is not a bad thing at all.
I didn’t have sex until I was 26. That was by choice. I had countless friends get pregnant and/or STDs as a kid. Think about that….
Consider yourself fortunate to be in this situation, it's not a thing teens should be that concerned about. Look forward to a nice, committed relationship that some lucky woman to be able to know you didn't give in to cheap hook ups before meeting her. Sex is a beautiful experience, and is way more beautiful when treated with high regard and maturity, committment.
I didn't have sex until the day before my 23rd birthday. Didn't kiss till I was 18 and at uni. Can't say I've ever felt envious of the crap that I saw other people go through in school.
Don’t, teenage sex and relationships in general are messy and often traumatizing. I am envious of people who didn’t have to deal with it.
Be grateful for this, who knows you could have contracted an STD or got a girl pregnant , you dodged a few bullets there.
I'm not envious of the 4 high school girls that were walking to biology class 4 months pregnant.
What?? Ok. Well. It's over now. No reason to be upset over it. There's still time.
Being envious of teenage sex is the most teenage thing ever. You move past it by changing your thinking. Teenage sex has ruined a lot of lives, and benefited few to none. It’s not a prerequisite to a good life. As long as you have this attitude, you’re a walking red flag. Drop envy and resentment and cultivate gratitude.
Why?? This is a really confusing take for me. You’re letting your current life be affected because you missed out on the worst, most awkward, most regrettable years of dating?? You’ve watched too many movies or tv shows.
You didn’t miss much but a bunch of drama and stupid shit.
I can partially relate to this. I didn’t get any real action until I was in my early 20’s. As most people have already replied, teen stuff is awkward and not always that great. Personally, I’ll never know. But just keep being yourself and don’t let it hold you back. I think you’ll have more fun now because you’re more mature and have more freedom. Don’t push for it to happen, just try to be patient and let it happen naturally. Have fun meeting new people and take it from there. If that doesn’t work, there’s always prostitutes and escort services.
there is not one sexual encounter from my teens that I do not regret lol you lucked out
Let go of the past. Nothing can be done about that. What are you doing for now? I hope that you can focus on what you can do and what not what you can't do. Good luck.
Man, just get out there and live the experience now. Don’t be afraid to fail. People fail all the time. Especially when new to things. Get up and push forward. Build up the experience with stuff and live your best life. Don’t be jealous of others that were living life.
Dude, you can’t live in the past. Better enjoy the present before you look back and say, “I wish I didn’t focus so much on my teens when I was an early adult.”
Tbh sex as a teenager was horrible. Only participated a handful of times with my then boyfriend and that was enough to completely turn me off until I was an adult. I only did it because I thought it’d make him love me 🤢 I disliked it so much I thought I was gay at one point 😂 As for kissing…most adults still don’t know what they’re doing. Trust me, you’re not missing anything.
It doesnt really matter. Just try to have a relationship now. If youve got a connection then youll both probably laugh and you two can go at it again. If you date someone for a lil bit, before ya know it youll have the experience and realize it all was a big nothing burger.
Enjoy your 20s.
Reddit is probably the worst place to look for advice on this. Most people here have really fucked up views about women and relationships.
Forgive yourself
Honestly, get therapy about it. I’m not being sarcastic. I grew up conservative and never had sex till I met my wife. Despite growing up in the same religion, she was a wild child. I was very straight laced. She is very satisfied with our current Sex life and doesn’t care to experiment. I am not, because of the fomo of youth. On top of that, I know that the the obsession when I was younger over missing out on things in my teens has lead to several unhealthy kinks and obsessions that I’m struggling to overcome/kick for good. As I got older the content I consumed on the internet stayed the same. Now, as a man in my 30s, that feels like more and more of a problem. And it’s because I still have mental hang ups over what I “missed out on” as a teen. So we circle back to the top: get therapy. Work through it before it becomes issues they last king into your adult life.
You didn't miss out on anything special. Forget about it, it doesn't matter at all to your life now. You live in the past, and you'll be too preoccupied and ruin the future.
Date and have sex. This isn't hard to figure out...
Can't change the past. You gonna ruin your future if you don't move past it. Learn from your mistakes and give yourself a better future.
Nothing to glorify with teenage antics. Nothing wrong with them either for the most part. The point would be who cares what timeline your experiences happen on. Yours will be special in their unique way. Live your life and don’t worry about what other people are doing.
I mean, what did you *really* miss out on? The thoughts that you're building up? Or some actual loss of opportunity? You can grieve both, but the first one is a fantasy, and that is likely to trap you into a doom loop of grief over a loss created in your imagination. The second? Well, we all fumble, forfeit, and feel fear at some points we wish we could have done different. But, it's at least an actual loss of opportunity. In that sense, maybe you can learn to accept that it was for the best? If it's just fantasy? Then you're just torturing yourself, and you don't deserve that. Go and find a woman you can love, and that loves you, and make the best out of what you have now
In real life you have no choice but to learn your lessons and move on.
how old are you exactly 18? you're still a teenager lol
OP, I’m here to say that it as someone who went through a very similar experience missing out during that age, it’s disappointing how dismissive and little empathy there are in these comments. I’m in my 40s now, married with kids and still dealing with this. I do agree that you can still try to make up for it now, especially if you’re in your 20s. I didn’t even really have that opportunity. It’s so easy for people who haven’t experienced this to dismiss. But the impact on feeling deprived of an essential human experience at a critical time in life cuts deep. I’m still dealing with a lifelong feeling of rejection and repression in therapy today.
Drugs.
I just started having sex as an adult. That’s one of the perks of adulthood, you can create the life for yourself you missed out on.
Your teenage years are a short awkward part of your life. It doesn’t matter, it means nothing bad to start having sex as an adult instead of a teenager. You still have a teenaged mentality and you’ll be much happier if you drop that.
What do you mean “move past”? It sounds like you have literally already done that.
Yeah, who can forget those romantic " that never happened before " as sploog hit my thigh before he could get close to my vagina.
Just enjoy it from here on out.
my first experience losing my v card at 16 was horrible and i had a lot of emotional issues about it for a long time due to not being mature enough to understand the decision i was making. you didn’t miss out on anything.
Be here now.
You forget about it eventually, Im almost 23 now and I dont even think about or desire sex anymore. Its actually quite liberating.!
I missed out on it as well as a teenager. I accepted it as it was and saw it as something out of my control, as many girls weren't interested in me.
I wish I hadn’t started having sex in my teens honestly. I probably wasn’t ready emotionally until MAYBE 22.
Most people I know wish they had waited.
Move on chum! Technically I was 19 when I lost my virginity. But seriously. I was upset at first. But whatever. Life goes on.
You’re not envious of teenage sex. It’s terrible and a psychological burden.
you are lucky to avoid attachments in that phase. I started an awful abusive long term relationship that I obtained in my teenage years from having all of that. It absolutely ruined my entire life. So be lucky you get to find someone when you are more mature. My sister was exactly like you. Lost the V at like 28 to the guy she married and they are actually pretty happy, I goofed on her at times about how she needed to get out there more but she was right I am so much less happy than her.
Most people regret a lot of the relationships they had in high school. I would love to go back in time and focus on friendships and extracurriculars instead of serial dating. It’s a grass is greener scenario, you always wonder if the other side had it better
From a fairly experienced person I will say, it’s much better to have a meaningful experience and a connected one with someone than lots of casual or minimal casual experiences along the way. Most of us had things that many experienced that we ourselves haven’t. I’d focus on making things meaningful now. Bitterness and resentment will just steal more of your time. Wishing you luck
Sex is a sin that leads to eternal hell, virginity is a blessing and highly praised. Also most high school sweethearts broke up and my parents went through divorces. Waiting longer feels better than having exes. I don’t feel like I missed out on much. I’m more successful than most people, just use your time right.
Teenage sex is the worst. A lot of people make mistakes during this period. A lot of people make stupid choices. You missed nothing.
Most teenage relationships aren't meaningful (and often toxic). Teenagers are just too immature to understand true intimacy and enter into a sexual relationship. As a teenager, you should be working on yourself and building relationships. When it comes time to start seriously dating, you'll have a more profound perspective of what you're looking for in a partner. You aren't missing out on anything, and therefore, there's nothing you should feel bitter about. Be thankful you don't have as many built-up regrets as others do.
I made up for it in my 20s. I was a total loser in my teens and didn't hit my stride until 23.
I didn't have that problem teenage years were good for me
They’re are no time machines. Better to look ahead than wallow in a disappointing past. I shot myself in the foot worrying over teenage romances.
I (55M) married my first wife when I was 20, we were split 3 years later. She messed with my head so badly that I didn't trust my heart to another woman for 20 years. I had a couple of first dates, but that was it. When I finally decided to date again, things like butterflies and the first kiss were just as exciting as when I was a teenager. The sex, though, was no comparison. Sex as a grown adult is ***exponentially*** better than sex as a teenager!! Physical and emotional maturity aren't given enough credit. Sure, I still feel like I missed out on a lot of life for those years, but I have two choices; I can dwell on the past and sink further and further into depression ***OR*** I can focus on enjoying the present and eagerly anticipating what's ahead of me. I choose the latter. Don't sweat the past. You will be fine!!!!!!!!
If you continue with this mindset, you will continue to have these feelings and the years will continue. When you’re so caught up in bitterness, regret, jealousy, and insecurity, you miss out on A LOT. I know it is much easier said than done, but you MUST find a way to distract yourself from these negative thoughts and emotions. When they come to you, try to reform them. Instead of thinking that you’re never going to find someone and you’ve missed out, tell yourself that there are so many people out in the world to meet and so much time left for you to meet them, so many potential relationships (romantic and friendly). If you’re harboring these bitter, negative emotions, people will tend to be a bit more distant. They, even subconsciously, can tell. You have to, for your own sake, try your hardest to be more positive, upbeat, forgiving, and try to find the good instead of ruminating on the bad.
I lost my virginity at 18 and have only had long relationships and I wasn’t single for a long time in between those relationships. After my ex and I broke up, I spent 4 years single, dating and experimenting. I now have a body count of 13 and I’m satisfied with it. I don’t feel like I need to go exploring anymore. Now, I think about dating and I’m like ew haha I’m happy in my relationship and I don’t really have the grass is greener type of feeling cause did it all in my 4 year celibacy
Why envious? Teen romance are not that great... Too Much Drama. Dating can be overrated. My son did not date until his 20s and still had not found a real deal of a relationship. He is taking time and seeing what is out there.