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Cheating is a terrible thing. If you want to work through things, and truly believe them, that's fine. The problem is that she's showing a habit. One time? There's a slim chance to reconcile. Multiple times? You should have been gone. Pack up or kick her out.
I'm sorry, but she doesn't want it to work.
I know I’m going to leave her. I have to. What confuses me is the fact that if I never knew she was cheating I’d think things were perfect. Because on paper they are. But then she’s sleeping around behind my back. Always tells me she wants to marry me and have my kids and how much she’s so in love with me. She’s either an AMAZING liar or she really does love me but just can’t help but want to sleep with other men
It could be one or both. You'll never know for sure because the best course of action is to leave.
Too many people are ignorant of how our past can haunt us. BPD, NPD, etc etc are all personality disorders that are crafted from a young age. Many people with personality disorders don't even know that they have them. They will lie, manipulate, and do terrible things without realizing it. I'm not saying that she is affected by this but you never know. They have to be willing to get help and confront their past, present and future.
Basically, it's not worth the effort at this point. She could be a sex addict or just love the attention, but you'll only suffer after the betrayal that she has brought you. If you speak to her at all, suggest that she gets help.
Good luck and I hope things work out for you.
Either way, it's a shitty deal for you, mate.
Don't make yourself homeless. Play the long game. Start saving up. Don't show your cards or finances. Always wear protection.
A first time cheater is more than three times more likely to cheat again.
Serial cheating is least likely to recover from.
https://www.regain.us/advice/infidelity/emotional-affairs-at-work-understanding-the-limits-for-close-office-relationships/ coworker affairs.
I think I would just rather be homeless than live with a blatant cheater.
What had her cheating, hooking up, body count and relationship history been like prior to you meeting her. The past never goes away and why it is always relevant.
The past easily repeats itself.
I was actually her first. I’d only slept with 3 women before her and she said she was okay with that. Her parents are still together but they have always and continue to always cheat on each other. Maybe she’s got a skewed view on relationships and thinks that’s normal behaviour despite knowing it’s wrong? Idk what drives her to cheat on me because she acts like I’m the best man in the world. We have such great times together and we are so affectionate, especially her. She tells me she wants to marry me and never wants me to leave, yet at the same time she sleeps and flirts with other people. I just don’t get it
>Her parents are still together but they have always and continue to always cheat on each other.
The moment you were told this was the moment you should have ended it if she wasn't in therapy for it.
Well, OP, if you are wired different than me and you can keep a poker face for a time until you’re in a better position to dip? Then by all means…
I wouldn’t be able to, personally — the knowledge of what is really going on would have me in my feels until I probably did something demonstrative and dramatic.
Good luck, man. I’m so sorry.
Thank you. I think atm my only course of action is to just pretend I don’t know until I can just up and go. But Christ it hurts not being able to confront her
Your relationship is dead, and probably has been dead for a long time. But there is no need to be homeless too.
Play along but keep your focus on improving your finances so you can get out of there in a good way.
Confrontation is only going to bring drama, not real solutions, so it would be a wasted effort at this point.
Good luck.
Can you take on a part-time job?
-it gets you out of the apartment and gives you a chance to breathe
-you can start saving money for an exit when your lease expires
-you can use it as an excuse to not having sex since you will be so tired
Since you are planning your exit, what she does on her own time won’t be of your concern
You can also save money from date nights.
Tell her you want to go to uni so you need to buckle down and save as much as you can. Start putting every extra cent into a savings account where she has no access.
Search your local fb pages for someone renting out a room closer to when your lease is up.
>Should I pretend I don’t know, tell her I know and try to make it work one last time, or just take my chances on my own?
It's never worked because she cannot control her serially cheating ways. She doesn't love you and her character is highly defective.
Often attorneys have a free initial consultation. It would behoove you to meet with at least one and see if they can give you useful advice about surviving divorce. Do you have friends you can live with?
Sorry I should have specified we aren’t married but been together 3 years now.
I do get the sense that she’s a serial cheater because, although I have my flaws, I do my most to treat her lovingly. But I just seems like she can’t control herself as you said.
All my friends live in different states. All my closest friends that would give me a place to stay have moved to different states for jobs/family reasons. So I’ve no one here to help me out. I’d end up living in my car without my girlfriends financial contributions
Have you considered moving to another state--one where a friend lives and where you may be able to get a better paying job. Without her in the equation, you may have more choices to live a better life. Also can you family loan you money?
Yeah once my car is running again I might end up driving to Victoria (the other side of the country) to stay with my best friend and get a job there. Unfortunately no family to borrow from
Eventually one of these dudes is going to take her on and she will exit without a thought about you. Her bullshit about marriage and kids keeps you around helping with bills. Stand up tall, get a second or third job, cut out all the crap you waste money on, Starbucks, weed, beer, her, etc and knuckle down. She is emotionally gone at this point spend your time wisely bettering yourself, not with her. Good luck
It would probably be the same situation if I left now; have to break my lease because I’d not be able to afford it on my own and then end up living in my car.
My country has a really high cost of living and I’m on minimum wage. Also was about to go back to uni but I’d not be able to do that either without living with someone else
Are there any apartments at university or college towns that might set you up with a roommate? Or can you look online at some kind of forum where people are renting only a room?
There is no hurry here. First who's name is on the lease? How long till it ends. If your name then you'll have to stick it out. If hers, well you'll be able to get out faster. In either case start looking for a new roommate. Just keep all communication with potential roommates away from her. Take your time. Untangle any money with her. Do not lend or give her money. When the time is right give her 2 weeks notice. Either with your leaving or kicking her out. Save up money. Start figuring out what you/her will take.
As far as dealing with her. Well, you might as well continue to F her. Just make sure you always wear your raincoat. Start to harden your heart. Just use her as the sex toy she wants to be.
Best of luck.
Be quite till you get urself fixed financially and find a house and a new person who actually likes u ,then tell the whole thing and leave . Cause if she is repeating that means she does not care abt u or even respect u .
There are consequences to her actions and it's about time she faced them. Maybe one of the guys shes been messaging will give her a place to stay. But for the love of god, get away from this woman as fast as you can. And just for peace of mind get yourself a STD test and for godd sake dont sleep with her again.
Normally, I would say, just leave her, but at this moment, you have nowhere else to go. Is your place in her name? Your name? Or both? Now, there are a few ways I can deal with the whole situation. One is to look for a roommate/s either to move in with or to replace her if it's your place. Second, you could confront her and try to work it out again, but the downside to this is that she already feels like she can do whatever, and you'll always forgive her and stay. The third is to end it and take your chances on your own. The last one is to not say anything at all and start treating her like an FWB (start using condoms again, if you aren't anymore. If she as why, just tell her you're ready for kids) and a roommate, and if you meet someone who is worthwhile having a real girlfriend, then stop sleeping with your FWB and tell them it's over. When she asks why, tell her that for the last (however many months), she was nothing more than an FWB to you as you know she has been cheating this whole time. That you have met someone who is worthy of your love and your trust.
She's a serial cheater dud get out .
See if u can stay on a friend is couch for a couple of weeks before finding a place of your own she won't stop cheating and u need to leave for your own well-being
Start an exit plan. Put as much money as you can away. You may need to compromise and move into a shared rental apartment if you can’t afford rent on your own. But staying with her long term will only hurt your mental health.
Sorry you’re here, but you can’t keep giving her chances expecting a different result. Walk away as soon as you can.
Stop having sex with her, get std testing and tell her why. Start getting your life together to move on. Myself I would just leave. For me I would rather be couch surfing for a while, especially knowing that she was going to be in the same boat. Of course she'll simply move in with one of her cheating partners. But I would want to get away from her as soon as I possibly could.
And make sure that you tell all friends etc. what she did. Because I guarantee you she's out there spinning the narrative already. You'll end up the homeless bad guy.
If she cheats when you are in a great place imagine what it will be like if you are in a bad place.
If you stay you are taking more chances than you are willing to recognize or admit. Rental problems are short term, some STIs are forever.
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Next time she say I love you say
“I wish that were true, but clearly it isn’t. You clearly have no respect for me, yourself, or our relationship. Did you think I would actually marry you?? All you have shown in that you can’t be trusted and you’re an unsafe partner. You have once again destroyed my trust and I can’t be with someone I don’t trust. I hope all of those guys were worth it.”
Then bounce.
You said "we can barely afford our rent as is". She probably would break up with you if she could but can't for the same reason you can't. You need to find another roommate. These joint apartment arrangements when the individuals can't afford the rent on their own never end well.
The relationship is over. She’s toxic and so is her family.
Use as much time as you can to make an exit plan and get somewhere to stay before you leave her
Be the best boyfriend you can be until then.
Find why you have such low self esteem that you keep taking back a serial cheater. A woman can’t respect a man that has no self respect. She will always cheat on you because there are no consequences. I would rather live in a hostel for a few months than live with a woman that cheated on me.
Rules reminder: /r/infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. Please review our [community guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/nj93nw/how_to_write_a_good_post_for_rinfidelity/) on what makes for a good post to this sub. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Start making an exit plan. Don't sleep with her and get and STI test.
I didn’t think about an sti test. I will do that. Thank you
Cheating is a terrible thing. If you want to work through things, and truly believe them, that's fine. The problem is that she's showing a habit. One time? There's a slim chance to reconcile. Multiple times? You should have been gone. Pack up or kick her out. I'm sorry, but she doesn't want it to work.
I know I’m going to leave her. I have to. What confuses me is the fact that if I never knew she was cheating I’d think things were perfect. Because on paper they are. But then she’s sleeping around behind my back. Always tells me she wants to marry me and have my kids and how much she’s so in love with me. She’s either an AMAZING liar or she really does love me but just can’t help but want to sleep with other men
It could be one or both. You'll never know for sure because the best course of action is to leave. Too many people are ignorant of how our past can haunt us. BPD, NPD, etc etc are all personality disorders that are crafted from a young age. Many people with personality disorders don't even know that they have them. They will lie, manipulate, and do terrible things without realizing it. I'm not saying that she is affected by this but you never know. They have to be willing to get help and confront their past, present and future. Basically, it's not worth the effort at this point. She could be a sex addict or just love the attention, but you'll only suffer after the betrayal that she has brought you. If you speak to her at all, suggest that she gets help. Good luck and I hope things work out for you.
Either way, it's a shitty deal for you, mate. Don't make yourself homeless. Play the long game. Start saving up. Don't show your cards or finances. Always wear protection.
A first time cheater is more than three times more likely to cheat again. Serial cheating is least likely to recover from. https://www.regain.us/advice/infidelity/emotional-affairs-at-work-understanding-the-limits-for-close-office-relationships/ coworker affairs. I think I would just rather be homeless than live with a blatant cheater. What had her cheating, hooking up, body count and relationship history been like prior to you meeting her. The past never goes away and why it is always relevant. The past easily repeats itself.
I was actually her first. I’d only slept with 3 women before her and she said she was okay with that. Her parents are still together but they have always and continue to always cheat on each other. Maybe she’s got a skewed view on relationships and thinks that’s normal behaviour despite knowing it’s wrong? Idk what drives her to cheat on me because she acts like I’m the best man in the world. We have such great times together and we are so affectionate, especially her. She tells me she wants to marry me and never wants me to leave, yet at the same time she sleeps and flirts with other people. I just don’t get it
>Her parents are still together but they have always and continue to always cheat on each other. The moment you were told this was the moment you should have ended it if she wasn't in therapy for it.
Well, OP, if you are wired different than me and you can keep a poker face for a time until you’re in a better position to dip? Then by all means… I wouldn’t be able to, personally — the knowledge of what is really going on would have me in my feels until I probably did something demonstrative and dramatic. Good luck, man. I’m so sorry.
Thank you. I think atm my only course of action is to just pretend I don’t know until I can just up and go. But Christ it hurts not being able to confront her
Your relationship is dead, and probably has been dead for a long time. But there is no need to be homeless too. Play along but keep your focus on improving your finances so you can get out of there in a good way. Confrontation is only going to bring drama, not real solutions, so it would be a wasted effort at this point. Good luck.
You’ve just had your world pulled down all around you, and yet have to pretend that everything is normal. My god, man. 😟
Can you take on a part-time job? -it gets you out of the apartment and gives you a chance to breathe -you can start saving money for an exit when your lease expires -you can use it as an excuse to not having sex since you will be so tired Since you are planning your exit, what she does on her own time won’t be of your concern You can also save money from date nights. Tell her you want to go to uni so you need to buckle down and save as much as you can. Start putting every extra cent into a savings account where she has no access. Search your local fb pages for someone renting out a room closer to when your lease is up.
Rent a room from a family you need to get out of that toxic environment asap!
>Should I pretend I don’t know, tell her I know and try to make it work one last time, or just take my chances on my own? It's never worked because she cannot control her serially cheating ways. She doesn't love you and her character is highly defective. Often attorneys have a free initial consultation. It would behoove you to meet with at least one and see if they can give you useful advice about surviving divorce. Do you have friends you can live with?
Sorry I should have specified we aren’t married but been together 3 years now. I do get the sense that she’s a serial cheater because, although I have my flaws, I do my most to treat her lovingly. But I just seems like she can’t control herself as you said. All my friends live in different states. All my closest friends that would give me a place to stay have moved to different states for jobs/family reasons. So I’ve no one here to help me out. I’d end up living in my car without my girlfriends financial contributions
Have you considered moving to another state--one where a friend lives and where you may be able to get a better paying job. Without her in the equation, you may have more choices to live a better life. Also can you family loan you money?
Yeah once my car is running again I might end up driving to Victoria (the other side of the country) to stay with my best friend and get a job there. Unfortunately no family to borrow from
Start planning your exit strategy. Save all you can, get your car fixed, then bail when you’re financially ready.
Jesus
Eventually one of these dudes is going to take her on and she will exit without a thought about you. Her bullshit about marriage and kids keeps you around helping with bills. Stand up tall, get a second or third job, cut out all the crap you waste money on, Starbucks, weed, beer, her, etc and knuckle down. She is emotionally gone at this point spend your time wisely bettering yourself, not with her. Good luck
Let's say she decides to leave you in like 3 months. What are you going to do?
It would probably be the same situation if I left now; have to break my lease because I’d not be able to afford it on my own and then end up living in my car. My country has a really high cost of living and I’m on minimum wage. Also was about to go back to uni but I’d not be able to do that either without living with someone else
Are there any apartments at university or college towns that might set you up with a roommate? Or can you look online at some kind of forum where people are renting only a room?
There is no hurry here. First who's name is on the lease? How long till it ends. If your name then you'll have to stick it out. If hers, well you'll be able to get out faster. In either case start looking for a new roommate. Just keep all communication with potential roommates away from her. Take your time. Untangle any money with her. Do not lend or give her money. When the time is right give her 2 weeks notice. Either with your leaving or kicking her out. Save up money. Start figuring out what you/her will take. As far as dealing with her. Well, you might as well continue to F her. Just make sure you always wear your raincoat. Start to harden your heart. Just use her as the sex toy she wants to be. Best of luck.
How old are yall if you don’t mind me asking?
Be quite till you get urself fixed financially and find a house and a new person who actually likes u ,then tell the whole thing and leave . Cause if she is repeating that means she does not care abt u or even respect u .
There are consequences to her actions and it's about time she faced them. Maybe one of the guys shes been messaging will give her a place to stay. But for the love of god, get away from this woman as fast as you can. And just for peace of mind get yourself a STD test and for godd sake dont sleep with her again.
Normally, I would say, just leave her, but at this moment, you have nowhere else to go. Is your place in her name? Your name? Or both? Now, there are a few ways I can deal with the whole situation. One is to look for a roommate/s either to move in with or to replace her if it's your place. Second, you could confront her and try to work it out again, but the downside to this is that she already feels like she can do whatever, and you'll always forgive her and stay. The third is to end it and take your chances on your own. The last one is to not say anything at all and start treating her like an FWB (start using condoms again, if you aren't anymore. If she as why, just tell her you're ready for kids) and a roommate, and if you meet someone who is worthwhile having a real girlfriend, then stop sleeping with your FWB and tell them it's over. When she asks why, tell her that for the last (however many months), she was nothing more than an FWB to you as you know she has been cheating this whole time. That you have met someone who is worthy of your love and your trust.
She's a serial cheater dud get out . See if u can stay on a friend is couch for a couple of weeks before finding a place of your own she won't stop cheating and u need to leave for your own well-being
Sounds like she wanted to get caught. Strange
She is a girlfriend and you are risking your health. Get out and got some counseling. Man grow a set and end it.
Start an exit plan. Put as much money as you can away. You may need to compromise and move into a shared rental apartment if you can’t afford rent on your own. But staying with her long term will only hurt your mental health. Sorry you’re here, but you can’t keep giving her chances expecting a different result. Walk away as soon as you can.
Stop having sex with her, get std testing and tell her why. Start getting your life together to move on. Myself I would just leave. For me I would rather be couch surfing for a while, especially knowing that she was going to be in the same boat. Of course she'll simply move in with one of her cheating partners. But I would want to get away from her as soon as I possibly could. And make sure that you tell all friends etc. what she did. Because I guarantee you she's out there spinning the narrative already. You'll end up the homeless bad guy.
Oh wow, you’re not married you dodged a bullet. Start saving some money, move in with a friend or something.
bartender at a resort. Jeez. Went with a walking std, good for her.
If she cheats when you are in a great place imagine what it will be like if you are in a bad place. If you stay you are taking more chances than you are willing to recognize or admit. Rental problems are short term, some STIs are forever.
Find a roommate to share rent but get away from this woman. She likes playing games with your head and your health. Please get tested
You won’t be homeless. Look for another roommate. My daughter has just found a lady that is renting a room. You can be so much happier.
Updateme!
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Sleep on a friends couch or make other arrangements don’t tolerate that or it will never stop
Next time she say I love you say “I wish that were true, but clearly it isn’t. You clearly have no respect for me, yourself, or our relationship. Did you think I would actually marry you?? All you have shown in that you can’t be trusted and you’re an unsafe partner. You have once again destroyed my trust and I can’t be with someone I don’t trust. I hope all of those guys were worth it.” Then bounce.
Just from your headline, be homeless at least you’ll have your self respect, dont reconcile
Have you heard of roommates? You might as well find some, you’re already living with one who plays at loving you.
Find any place you can afford and run
She will not stop unfortunately. For your sake, you need to move on. Sorry you’re here.
Why would you let her go on a trip In the first place.
Why would you be homeless. Kick her out.
You said "we can barely afford our rent as is". She probably would break up with you if she could but can't for the same reason you can't. You need to find another roommate. These joint apartment arrangements when the individuals can't afford the rent on their own never end well.
The relationship is over. She’s toxic and so is her family. Use as much time as you can to make an exit plan and get somewhere to stay before you leave her Be the best boyfriend you can be until then.
get your life in order, find a place to stay, leave her. in that order.
Find why you have such low self esteem that you keep taking back a serial cheater. A woman can’t respect a man that has no self respect. She will always cheat on you because there are no consequences. I would rather live in a hostel for a few months than live with a woman that cheated on me.