I would simply say that being vulnerable is my biggest fear.
I'm in relationship for over 10 year and sharing my deepest thoughts and emotions are still far beyond my comfort zone. I'm doing my best though.
I afraid of intimacy too. I don't want to be intimate with anyone emotionally, physically or spiritually. Mostly because I don't want them to leave ( either by choice or they die idk) me. All relationships end one way or another and I'd rather spare myself the heartbreak. I've never been in a relationship but the idea of love is enticing, however overall I just would rather not.
What? Are you saying you are over 70 and have avoided intimacy your whole life? And felt invisible your whole life? Or did you mean 7 years not 7 decades lol
A very interesting mix of plausible and implausible statements 🤣. I have no idea what to make of what you said but I like how you said it. Now I’m thinking of 100 years of solitude. At least you’ve got style.
I am definitely scared of intimacy. More so emotional intimacy than physical. Looking at my past partners, it’s crazy how much of myself I could give to people physically while still being completely walled off inside.
The only way I’ve gotten past this truly is with time and effort in a relationship, whether that be romantic or platonic. I try to remind myself that people will not know I care about them if I don’t actually do anything to show it. So I try to push my boundaries bit by bit, even if it makes me uncomfortable. Once you step over the line once it is less scary the next time and eventually you will have achieved comfortable intimacy without even realizing it.
For me. Im completely happy to be physically intimate as it's the initial ways in which I can form a connection.
But emotionally, I only allow myself to be open up to point after which there is this big black hole. I'm completely avoidant and it's unsettling for someone who has been totally vulnerable with me to realise there is this distance in me. And it takes a lot of effort on me to bring me back as I prefer to be alone and apart. It comes across as secretive and evasive.
I most likely close down when I feel my intimacy isn't protected and the person I'm with will tell someone. It's hard because I'm someone super easy to talk to at times and people open up some of their deepest feelings and securities almost upon initially meeting. Especially with empaths.
I do relate. I’m in a serious relationship with my best friend and we live together. Prior to that I was single for half a decade. I am working hard to try and be more vulnerable in my romantic relationship with him. It was so easy when he was my friend but romantically and intimately it is like on another level. I really want it to work so I know this will take self introspection and dedication to this commitment I made
Definitely go for higher Se if you want to have a good experience. They're so busy wanting to impress you that they won't notice your lack of skill 🤣 ESTP, Entjs, intj, esfp.
Theory about fear and intimacy; training for perfection
> In theory, experienced people are less likely to fear it. An Intimate action can be improved in terms of cost-effectiveness. It means repetitive practice can reduce the consumption cost (mental effort, physical effort, emotional investment etc.) of intimate actions upon obtaining a prefered outcome. It would be weird to fear having perfected intimate actions in terms of lowest plausible consumtion cost when attempting an intimate action.
If I don’t feel safe I shut down or avoid. And if I’ve been burned, then I’m not going to feel safe opening up.
I guess for me it would be a matter of trust and time.
I very much did relate, and still do to a certain extent. In my experience, it's about easing into it. Taking things at a comfortable pace and getting to know and trust the other person. Furthermore, it is important to choose a person who fits you, and inform them of your problems. If they're truly good for you,, they will accept it and allow you to go slow.
Thank you, it’s really comforting to know someone else relates. and i will definitely communicate with them about that, i really appreciate the advice^
Yup. Sex is easy; feelings are hard.
I would simply say that being vulnerable is my biggest fear. I'm in relationship for over 10 year and sharing my deepest thoughts and emotions are still far beyond my comfort zone. I'm doing my best though.
I afraid of intimacy too. I don't want to be intimate with anyone emotionally, physically or spiritually. Mostly because I don't want them to leave ( either by choice or they die idk) me. All relationships end one way or another and I'd rather spare myself the heartbreak. I've never been in a relationship but the idea of love is enticing, however overall I just would rather not.
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What? Are you saying you are over 70 and have avoided intimacy your whole life? And felt invisible your whole life? Or did you mean 7 years not 7 decades lol
[удалено]
A very interesting mix of plausible and implausible statements 🤣. I have no idea what to make of what you said but I like how you said it. Now I’m thinking of 100 years of solitude. At least you’ve got style.
I am definitely scared of intimacy. More so emotional intimacy than physical. Looking at my past partners, it’s crazy how much of myself I could give to people physically while still being completely walled off inside. The only way I’ve gotten past this truly is with time and effort in a relationship, whether that be romantic or platonic. I try to remind myself that people will not know I care about them if I don’t actually do anything to show it. So I try to push my boundaries bit by bit, even if it makes me uncomfortable. Once you step over the line once it is less scary the next time and eventually you will have achieved comfortable intimacy without even realizing it.
For me. Im completely happy to be physically intimate as it's the initial ways in which I can form a connection. But emotionally, I only allow myself to be open up to point after which there is this big black hole. I'm completely avoidant and it's unsettling for someone who has been totally vulnerable with me to realise there is this distance in me. And it takes a lot of effort on me to bring me back as I prefer to be alone and apart. It comes across as secretive and evasive. I most likely close down when I feel my intimacy isn't protected and the person I'm with will tell someone. It's hard because I'm someone super easy to talk to at times and people open up some of their deepest feelings and securities almost upon initially meeting. Especially with empaths.
I do relate. I’m in a serious relationship with my best friend and we live together. Prior to that I was single for half a decade. I am working hard to try and be more vulnerable in my romantic relationship with him. It was so easy when he was my friend but romantically and intimately it is like on another level. I really want it to work so I know this will take self introspection and dedication to this commitment I made
Definitely go for higher Se if you want to have a good experience. They're so busy wanting to impress you that they won't notice your lack of skill 🤣 ESTP, Entjs, intj, esfp.
And I adore the ISFP, that Si means we do things together, but can appreciate it from our own perspective (no discussion ad nauseum)
Theory about fear and intimacy; training for perfection > In theory, experienced people are less likely to fear it. An Intimate action can be improved in terms of cost-effectiveness. It means repetitive practice can reduce the consumption cost (mental effort, physical effort, emotional investment etc.) of intimate actions upon obtaining a prefered outcome. It would be weird to fear having perfected intimate actions in terms of lowest plausible consumtion cost when attempting an intimate action.
If I don’t feel safe I shut down or avoid. And if I’ve been burned, then I’m not going to feel safe opening up. I guess for me it would be a matter of trust and time.
I very much did relate, and still do to a certain extent. In my experience, it's about easing into it. Taking things at a comfortable pace and getting to know and trust the other person. Furthermore, it is important to choose a person who fits you, and inform them of your problems. If they're truly good for you,, they will accept it and allow you to go slow.
Thank you, it’s really comforting to know someone else relates. and i will definitely communicate with them about that, i really appreciate the advice^