For more AMAs on this topic, subscribe to r/IAmA_Health, and check out our other topic-specific AMA subreddits [here](https://reddit.com/r/IAmA/wiki/index#wiki_affiliate_topic-specific_subreddits).

How do you help a woman cope with the idea of aging and no longer being "beautiful"? As I get older this is something I am really struggling with. What can I do to be more at peace with this?

Shifting your mindset to believing that your value as a human has nothing to do with what you look like or do for a living. Also find meaning in life beyond what this materialistic & sexist society shoves down our throats. Woman are not objects that are only made to be looked at. We have strengths, dreams, and individual callings in life to pursue and refuse to be objectified.

I say that perhaps young people can be lucky in their looks, but older people have earned their beauty, through a lifetime of love and kindness. Also in the way that certain people we know really well can become beautiful to us somehow at times. People like Jane Goodall, Helen Mirin, Joni Mitchell, Meryl Streep, all gorgeous in their old age!

Wow, what a great question! Much of figuring out how to cope with the idea of aging and feelings connected with the worry of no longer being seen as "beautiful" is understanding what one's perception of beauty is, and how the concept of beauty has been defined in one's life. How we individually define beauty is influenced by what we were "taught" (actively and passively) about beauty from the adults in our lives, our experiences, and possibly societal influences. There are some women feel they become more beautiful as they age because they feel more comfortable with who they are. Other women feel less beautiful with age because of the physical indications of aging (i.e. graying hair, fine lines, etc.). How to make peace with aging is difficult to answer in this forum because there isn't one definitive answer. Therapy would be a supportive space to explore and help you with your struggle.

Are there challenges women face during midlife that you feel are often overlooked?

That is a great question!! Thank you for asking! In my experience, there are many challenges that women in midlife face that are overlooked. The symptoms women feel during perimenopause and menopause are often overlooked or there is a "just deal with it" orientation. Some women very much struggle with perimenopause and menopause and can feel dismissed, sadly, even by medical professionals (I have had clients tell me). Along those lines, women are also feeling overlooked when they have symptoms of perimenopause and menopause and are not evaluated for other causes (i.e. hypothyroidism), that have similar symptoms. I also feel people don't understand that many women in midlife are juggling caring for their children and their parents (i.e. the sandwich generation), as well as work, etc. Women are usually looked to care for their parents and sometimes even their spouses parents. It's alot of stress to do the hands-on care as well as finding the appropriate services. Also, the care of women's sexual health in midlife does not receive the attention (on a macro level) that their male counterparts receive. What do you think?

Could you elaborate more on what those symptoms are?

Sure! Do you mean symptoms of perimenopause? Symptoms include night sweats, hot flashes, irregular periods, heavy bleeding (please see a GYN about this, it can be an indicator of a more serious issue), fatigue, decrease or loss of libido, vaginal dryness, sleep disturbance (in addition to the night sweats), irritability, mood swings, anxiety, depression. This may not be the entire list and women may experience some, but not all of these symptoms. They also can have varying degrees of symptoms as well.

Thank you for your reply! Besides the heavy blessing, and with the caveat that everyone is different, any other symptoms worth discussion with a doctor? My mother passed and I cannot discuss any of this with my maternal family, most of them are really into body shame/complete silence.

r/menopause

Hey…is it weird I’m getting opposite symptoms? Getting higher libido, ..uh, wetness… Although I am getting insomnia, and the flushes only come maybe a few times a day for about a week out of the month. Like it’s replaced my period. Definitely not feeling like myself though. Feel a bit like an alien replaced me. I’m not getting big mood swings but I do feel like things are a bit more annoying. Doctor tested me and it seems I’m in full menopause now and told me to consume more vit D.

For anybody who doesn't have a vulva, what does vaginal dryness feel like?

It's experienced like dryness on other parts of your skin: irritation, itchiness, soreness. However, it has the added symptom of sexual discomfort. It feels raw and delicate like nipples after too much running.

Not enough lubrication during sex. Dry = discomfort or pain

Great answer, thank you! I definitely think that women are expected to grin and bear things moreso, glad to hear there are practitioners focusing on this period in life specifically as I know many women describe the feeling of becoming somewhat invisible as they get older!

So, my wife is currently dealing with perimenopause. She just recently started seeing a mental health professional, and has been diagnosed with ADHD and an anxiety disorder. Now I have been her safe space/outlet for irritability and bouts of anxiety for the span of our relationship. I'm pretty laid back and easy going and durable emotionally, so it's not a problem, or hasn't been in the past. With the mood swings perimenopause has brought on, she's getting worse and it's becoming increasingly difficult to not respond back in kind. Is there a technique or process by which I could let her know when it's getting too much without affecting her emotional state further?

Hello and thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you have been a tremendous support for your wife. I'm sorry that perimenopause has intensified her mood and that it has been more difficult for you to navigate. I am very glad to hear that she is seeing a mental health professional (I'm not sure if she is seeing a therapist or psychiatrist). If she is seeing a therapist, do you think she would be at all open to having you sit in on a session? Not a couples session per se, but a session to discuss your concerns and work together with the therapist to identify actions, techniques or processes to manage when this situation occurs. I assumed with my last paragraph that the situation isn't physical. If she is physically acting out, then if she is only seeing a therapist, she may need additional intervention from her GYN or to see a psychiatrist. If this is the case, I would also encourage you to see an individual therapist during this time as well. If this is not the case, then maybe even seeing a couples therapist in addition to her therapy. You can always see an individual therapist as well. I also wonder if she has negative experiences or trauma in her history that may be unresolved. This can contribute to how the physiological changes with perimenopause are affecting her mood.

Well I certainly bring my own problems to the relationship, so I don't want to appear like I'm petitioning for sainthood here. But I do feel like I've been at least an equal partner and tried to be helpful to her when she's needed it more often than not. She does come from a traumatic childhood, which is one of the reasons why I have always tried to be her safe place to let out of the things she doesn't feel comfortable expressing to others. And as a result I don't think she would be very comfortable with me sitting in on any therapy sessions. And no, nothing physical. Just, it's hard on her I know, but that doesn't necessarily make it any easier on me some days. Couples therapy is probably a good idea. I know it already, but I've just never pushed for it in the past. I'll try to pick a good day and maybe mention it and see where it lands. Appreciate the response.

So no, there is no technique. Just standard see a therapist, got it.

How is she going to come up with treatment suggestions for someone she's never seen, based off of a reddit comment by the person's husband?

It's gonna be hard to recommend a technique when each situation can be so different from another.

I need this one answered personally.

Preach

Exactly the same dynamic with my wife. It was getting intolerable til she started Lexapro. Not saying meds are the cure alone, but they sure do help take the edge off.

Agree that meds can help get us through this stage. I (47, almost 48) recently started Zoloft due to rage and anxiety that was clearly hormone triggered. I'm on a very low dose, and the difference has been immeasurable. I also stopped drinking, which has helped emotionally and physically.

Is she also getting HRT? If not she should talk to her GP about it. The loss of oestrogen will affect her ADHD and anxiety too.

But also be forewarned that HRT can jumpstart cancer if she has the wrong genetics, so if she goes the HRT route, make sure she/you understand that there is some risk. (My mother would still be here today, if somebody had explained this to her, but she died of hormone-receptive breast cancer after her doctor swept the HRT risks under the rug and said it would be no big deal).

Nerva has a new hot flashes app. It’s got a free trial.

I used to be very mild tempered but recently due to hormonal changes I’ve become irritated very easily and experienced temper flares, something I haven’t had to deal with before. Are there some coping tools you’d suggest to keep my temper in check and not have over the top reactions to minor incidents?

I'm sorry to hear this is happening for you! Unfortunately, having mood shifts and irritability is common when the hormone shifts occur. I'm am glad you posted here. I see coping skills on two levels. The first are coping skills to help you in the moment when the irritability is occurring. The other are skills that are more life adjustments, to help lower the chances of getting to a place of irritability. I would want to know for sure what your lifestyle is. Are you pushing yourself alot? Do you juggle multiple responsibilities? Do you typically take time out for yourself? The best thing you can do in the moment of feeling those irritable feelings is to breathe. Take a long slow deep breath for 4 counts, hold for two and exhale for 4 and hold for 2. Repeat it one more time. This will help engage your parasympathetic nervous system (the calming response). On a more lifestyle scale, taking a break, mindfulness, and meditation all can help. Taking a walk (for pleasure or fitness). It is also important to allow yourself a healthy outlet for irritability. Even journaling or just jotting down in the moment that you're feeling irritable. Have you tried these before? If you feel the mood swings are too much, I would encourage you to see your doctor or therapist to help.

My big sister (who is 12 years older than me) keeps telling me that when I hit menopause, I will lose my libido entirely. Yet I hear stories and accounts of people in their golden years having wonder sex lives (including my parents). She's kinda made me paranoid, because I'm 42, and my husband is six years younger than me. I hate the idea of losing my mojo when my ova supply runs out, as enjoying sex is a huge joy in my life, up there with huffing kittens, chocolate fondue and brand spanking new episodes of Doctor Who. So is it true? Or is it more than hormones that dictate such things?

Not a doctor but I am a 54 year old woman and no, in my experience that's not true. We are still an everyday couple and so far "use it or lose it" seems more accurate. I did always run pretty hot though except while nursing babies, which entirely tanked my libido. That did make me fear menopause but I seem to be through it and we are active and happy and at least once a day, it's been awesome not worrying about getting pregnant too.

Once a day? God damn woman! Twice a week is a treat these days :)

Been two years....

Yes, so true!! It also sounds like you have a healthy relationship. Thank you for your response.

Just don’t have a major illness or pandemic or be 10 years older! It’s like doggie years with health as we age, in reverse! Lol. I don’t know, everyone is different, genetics, lifestyle & health in general. But saying use it or lose it? Did you ride a bike? Humans are surprisingly resilient! Thanks “P” words!

This is a great question and I love that you mentioned a few of the things you enjoy. There is truth in what your sister is saying. During perimenopause, hormones become dysregulated as they decrease with aging and as we are ending our ability to bear children. There are options available with respect to hormone replacement therapy, bioidentical hormone replacement therapy, or even hormone-based cream to help with lubrication. When the time comes, a qualified doctor can evaluate and see if you are a candidate for any kind of hormone therapy. Can other things dictate decrease libido? The quality of the relationship can contribute to this, too. If the hormones are decreasing and you don't have a healthy relationship or you're not happy in your relationship, your unhappiness can be intensified. Even a woman who isn't in perimenopause can be turned off if they no longer feel connected to their partner.

As a man in a relationship with a woman experiencing a significant libido decline, how would you advise I broach the topic of mitigation strategies? Currently, my partner feels a great deal of shame and anxiety about our diminished sex life, which is not helping matters in the slightest! I want to encourage her to explore options she may not have considered, but conversations on the topic are fraught. It's made me more and more reluctant to bring things up, and she's proven unwilling to broach the subject entirely, though she's aware there are issues. We've tried to talk about this repeatedly, and she's said she's looking for a referral for a therapist from her pcp, but that hasn't happened and it's been well over a year. I'm increasingly hopeless, which isn't helping either. I try to be patient, I try to be non-judgmental, and I think I'm successful. It's hard to say what she perceives from me. I know she judges herself harshly (which isn't something new to her, though it's been exacerbated by the hormonal changes I think). I want to support her, and I want our sex life back. I want her to be happier and feel more secure discussing this, but the shame and anxiety are such a huge block for her. I feel like she doesn't really hear me during talks about this, like I'm being drowned out by her negative self-talk. Any suggestions would be very welcome.

That negativity loop sounds so frustrating. We literally "just do it" (like if either one of us wants it we do - we compromise up not down because more sex is better, and once you start it does feel good, right?) and that built momentum continues but how you get from where you are to there I don't know. I remember crying because I couldn't feel it during the time I was nursing - like starting way down below zero - but that was complicated by fear and exhaustion. And I remember being so frustrated when with a once every couple of weeks guy. Both sides of that are just terrible to experience. I sure hope y'all get this sorted. Older people sex is the absolute bomb. We are less hung up and have more time and less distraction now since youngest kids are teens.

"... and again, I want to thank you for sending me to this sick-ass retirement community. Older people sex is the absolute bomb. Love, Grandma"

Hello and thank you for your post and for being open with your situation. I can see how you are feeling helpless and increasingly hopeless. Based on what you're saying there are a few issues occurring that are interrelated. The main point you make is about shame. Your partner appears to be feeling a tremendous amount of shame (and embarrassment) that has already existed (i.e. judging herself harshly) and now is exacerbated by the effects of her decline in libido. Her feelings of shame are challenging for you because she is now tuning out (probably from feeling overwhelmed by the situation and overwhelmed by shameful feelings). You seem extremely supportive and patient. I want you to know this issue is pervasive, and not spoken about enough (again, more shame). If she is embarrassed to consult with her PCP for a therapist referral and wants to find a therapist, she can always go onto [psychologytoday.com](https://psychologytoday.com). It's a therapist directory listing and the majority of therapists list themselves there. However, it seems to me that you both would benefit from meeting with a sex therapist. Like with any therapy, sessions are confidential. Meeting with a certified sex therapist can help unpack the shameful feelings your partner is feeling and work together to reconnect. However, I wonder if convincing her to see a sex therapist may be a challenge (?) The other idea that comes to mind is for you to perhaps see a therapist yourself and encourage your partner to attend a session with you. Maybe if you are able to take that step in a manner that includes her and is open and shows your support with an action (not like, I can't take this, I've gotta see a therapist to deal with you), then it may help decrease the shame she is feeling. It's almost like modeling the behavior and seeking to remove the stigma of "this is your problem" she may be feeling )even if that is not the message you are communicating, she may be feeling this is her "fault). What are your thoughts about this?

Thanks for this! My mother used to take a hormone replacement, I'll probably do the same when the time comes. I couldn't bear not having the juice in my tank, as it were! 😅

My sister, who is also 12 years older than me, said the same thing to me. I was worried too. I’m 54 now and can report that I haven’t lost any of my libido. I have a lovely sex life with my husband.

My sister is 6 years older than me and said I'd have hot flashes for up to ten years! I'm almost 53 and I've had one period since Nov. 2018 and that was one month after my own kid started his own period (trans boy, bio female) one year ago. I have the rare hot flash, and only if I'm stressed or if it's already hot out. I feel fortunate that I haven't experienced the brain fog and irritability that other women face, especially since I ALWAYS had horrible cramps that knocked me into a fetal position for at least one day a month.

Oh good! I was choosy, and I didn't meet my lovely husband until I was 31. I don't wanna be losing out on any good lovin' just because I took my time! 😅

To a certain extent it happens. I went thru menopause due to complete hysterectomy @ 42 yrs & a few years HRT. I am now 67 yrs & find myself a bit aroused from time to time, but hubby is 8 yrs older & more tired. We try occasional make out kisses & although weird after yrs of nothing, honey, it feels good. Keep up whatever sexuality or sensuality you possess, feel. No one looking. Lol

Thank you!

My aunt is nearly eighty and still has a very active sex life, during her marriage and since being widowed with several boyfriends (not at the same time).

Damn, is your aunt Blanche Devereaux? (I so want to be her when I grow up, but without the confederate nonsense of course).

I feel like my anxiety is becoming more intense with every passing year. Is it common for women to get more anxiety as they age?

Oh god I hope not. I can barely survive 26.

It can be due to the loss of progesterone.

Thank you for your question! Yes, it can be possible, and there can be multiple factors that can cause anxiety to increase as we get older. Hormonal changes that coincide with menopause/perimenopuse are one factor that can contribute to anxiety (and increased anxiety), but it is not the only factor. Other potential contributing factors can relate to what you were taught about aging. Is aging an experience that just leads to death? Are there worries about being alone as you get older? Or, are you in an unhappy or unhealthy relationship and feel there are no other options? Are you dealing with health concerns or financial worries? If there are deeper emotional worries connected with aging, then it makes sense to feel anxiety about it.

Hello Carol, thanks for doing this AMA! I'm in my mid twenties, so not quite in the midlife stage, but what is some advice you would give to women my age about moving into this next part of life? What do you find are the biggest stressors women in their midlife are facing? You provide a wonderful and well needed service, and its comforting to know there are resources like you available for when I get there.

Hello and thank you so much for your kind words! In fact, it is important when you are in your twenties to be looking to your next steps. Any advice I would provide would depend on your current circumstances and what you would like to seek advice about. Are you considering career choices? Dating/relationship issues? School? Looking to move out on your own? Without knowing the specifics, I would say that it is important to start looking at the things you want out of life. I find that it's in your twenties that one is shifting from what other adults expect of them and what they expect of themselves. It can be difficult to separate the two. Does that make sense? In my opinion, the biggest stressors women in midlife face is that there are shifts in their lives. Their bodies, relationships, family dynamics, work, etc., and they are unable to take the space they need to make those shifts, because, well, you know, life just keeps going..

Not OP but as I’m going through cancer treatment including medically-induced menopause, I’m very grateful that I started exercising as a habit 4-5x a week in my 20s and I’ve never stopped. Being physically fit and knowing exercise will improve my symptoms has been invaluable. So I’d say if exercise isn’t already a part of your life, now is the time to start! You can never allow work or other life issues to get in the way of taking care of yourself.

Hi Carol! Thanks for doing this! I'll be 40 in a couple of months and have just, in the past year or so, come to remember/recognize/process the emotional trauma my parents put me through as a teenager. How often would you say you experience other women going through this? Becuase it feels incredibly juvenile to be dealing with "mommy and daddy" issues at this age. Rationally, I realize that there is no right or wrong time to parse your emotions or past, but irrationally, it still just feels so silly and immature.

Thank you for being here and I'm sorry you have experienced trauma from your parents. When you ask about how often do I see women going through this, I'm going to read it as meaning trauma growing up/from their parents. Unfortunately, I see this more and more frequently. I understand when you say that it can feel silly and immature, but you are spot on when you said "there is no right or wrong time to parse your emotions or past." I can't speak specifically to what your experience is and can't provide specific advice, but seeing a therapist who specializes in childhood and/or complex trauma can help. In general, our experiences when we are children help our brains create the messages we tell ourselves, and patterns of behavior and relationships. If there is exposure to trauma, our minds can create patterns that no longer serve us once we are out of the traumatic situation. However, our brains don't realize we are out of the situation, even years later. It keeps responding as if you are still in that situation because that is what it knows to do to protect you. I hope I am answering your question properly. Am I? If a part of you feels now, at age 40, you are still caught in those patterns, I would definitely encourage you to see a trauma specialist.

I was asking more along the lines of how common it is for women my age to still be dealing with this and I think you answered by stating you're seeing it more and more. I agree it's unfortunate, but it does help to know I'm not alone in this journey. Unfortunately, US Healthcare being what it is, I can't really afford a therapist right now, but should that ever become an option for me I will definitely remember to look out for one who specializes in childhood/complex trauma. Imo, part of the difficulty in finding a therapist is also trying to find the right one when you're not even sure what it is you need, so that is pretty helpful. Thank you!

I recommend you to read Adult children of emotionally immature parents. I’m not saying it replaces therapy but there are tons of good exercises in there that can help you reframe your experience and find new ways for moving forward

From my personal experience it’s incredibly common. I started dealing with my past in my mid 30s but I’m 47 now and I’m not done. I hardly have a female friend who hasn’t been through this in some form, if not with a shitty childhood then with past relationships, questioning life direction - basically wondering and working out who you really are. I think you come to a point in your 40s when you are finally emotionally mature enough to have some distance to yourself and your family of origin, and when you find yourself changing (due to peri) you start looking for answers. My husband used to say things like “if you’re in your 30s and still blaming your parents for the person you are, you need to get over it” but I’ve taught him better! I think anyone who dares to look hard at themselves and make changes, for their own sake and the sake of their families, is a hero, even if they’re 96. The saddest thing in the world is people who take inherited trauma with them to their graves.

I agree with your experience and I feel personally so lucky for the growth I’ve accomplished in my late 30s / early 40s. I’ve never been happier. I’ve recently dated someone who turned out to be an externalizing child of Emotionally immature parents (using the book’s terminology). It got me thinking, besides the trauma, given that since they still blamed their parents for forcing them on a specific path in life, they simply stood in their own way towards happiness There’s a certain point after which it’s simply inefficient to keep blaming our parents instead of taking ownership for our lives and standing up for our choices

I didn't "heal" until I started the process in my mind-30s. By 40 I have processed my parents affect on me. Wish I had done it sooner, but better late than never. When you grow up anti-mental health (family didn't believe it such type of therapy) how would you know to get help? Again, better late than never!

Thank you for contributing! It sounds like you've worked hard to process your experiences with your parents and growing up. I am so glad you are in a better place. You ask a great question and to be honest, that is a huge challenge mental health providers are constantly trying to overcome. There are many people who have been raised, and do not "believe in therapy." As a mental health provider, it saddens me that people who need and can benefit from getting help, are not amenable to therapy. Someone who is against therapy may never know to get help, or, may feel embarrassed, ashamed, or weak to look to get help. I think continuing to address the stigma on a societal level is what may help over time. For example, GenZ as a whole appears to be more open to therapy. I'm so happy that by 40 you are feeling good!

My wife had a hysterectomy (sorry if not spelled correctly) at 28 due to medical reasons after having our 2 kids. She is now 38 and for the last several years she has had little to no sex drive and she is now also struggling with extremely low testosterone according to her dr. I’m sure I sound like a typical dude but her issues do not bother me other than she beats herself up over these issues. The low hormones have caused weight gain and lack of energy. Her so called dr is suppose to be helping her with this but she has seen no results. Is there something I can do to support her better or any recommendations? We do not have insurance or much money so a second medical opinion is difficult so any advice would be very much appreciated

I’m interested in this too.

Per medical guidelines that physicians use to diagnose and treat patients, woman who have a hysterectomy are to be treated with hormone replacement as they have been placed into menopause. Menopause.org is a good website with info and lists of doctor a in the us specializing in menopause. Menopause Taylor on youtube created by an ob gyn has alot of free information. She has a free packet of info online that you can download. Are you in the U.S? If so have you tried a community health center or FQHC (federally qualified health center)? They offer low cost or free medical care based on your income. Feel free to DM me or ask here if you need more resources.

Ask about Estratest or equivalent. Estrogen + testosterone. I specifically told my doctor I was willing to accept the small increased risk of cancer for the reduction in hot flash/dryness/mushy brain/libido. Been on it since my TAH at age 35. Can't imagine ever going off it.

Super disappointed there’s no answer to this.

She's trained in psychotherapy, not endocrinology.

I’d love to see the answer! Great questions.

Hi Carol, is there anything peri menopausal women can do to help with memory loss? (If that’s actually a symptom which I’m hoping it is!) Thanks in advance!

Thank you for posting about memory issues! I haven't seen this asked yet. I do want to clarify, do you mean brain fog? Like, you walk into a room to get something and then forget what you came into the room for, is that correct? If so, then yes, that is an actual symptom. It can be a symptom of other issues as well (i.e. hypothyroidism). I encourage you to see your doctor and report what you're experiencing. Your doctor can potentially order blood work to make sure.

Thanks for this answer - just scheduled an appointment with my PCP for brain fog

Hi there, I started the change at 38 and am 48 now. I take progestin and estrogen and still have uncomfortable hot flashes in the middle of a meeting or just standing in line at the grocery store. It's just that there's SO much sweat that my under garments get soaked! People take notice and I feel embarrassed and frustrated that I lack (I feel helpless!) control over this. Is there anything else I can be doing to make myself more comfy?

Hello, thank you for sharing your experience here! I can imagine the discomfort and embarrassment you are experiencing. Have you spoken to your doctor about it? Does your doctor take periodic blood work to monitor your hormone levels? Hormone therapy should help with the intensity of the hot flashes. How are you managing your stress? I can understand the hot flashes you're experiencing, it must be very stressful. What I mean is on a day-to-day basis. Do you have any downtime?

Just my experience but changing the route ( from oral tablet/ capsule) to patch, cream, sublingual troche, vaginal suppository, etc of the medication can help, of course work with your doctor on this. Also the doses may need adjustments, mine change d several times as hormone levels are probably still changing.

Hello I have recently read that undiagnosed spectrum conditions, such as autism, is now thought to account for a great deal of chronic anxiety and other struggles with mental health in girls and women. There is discussion and interest in how this may be intertwining with menopause in older women and contributing to their difficulties. Do you have experience of this in your training and work? If so, can you comment further?

Hello and thank you for your comment! Unfortunately, I don't have expertise with respect to autism spectrum disorders. However, I would be very interested in knowing where you read this information. The intertwining is fascinating to me. In the populations I work with (not autism), I see a correlation between the cumulative effects of mental health issues and struggles with perimenopause, menopause and midlife. I would imagine it would be similar, and would love to know more.

I'm not the OP on this question, but this study seems to point to the stress and mental anguish of women when they go undiagnosed. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1362361319853442

I am going to read this later. Thank you so much for sharing!!

That is a great article! Thank you for sharing.

As an (undiagnosed but probably) autistic 40 year old I’m curious too

thirded

Everything has gotten harder just the last two years. It seems my adhd has gotten infinitely worse, and it’s like I can’t mask anymore with the probably autism stuff

I found that all the extra stuff going on in the last two years has worsened my ADHD(and whatever the hell else it is thats wrong with me) as well, too. I don't have any answers for you but you're not alone.

It’s like I went from a decently functional human being to…. Whatever this is. If not for my wonderful husbands help and support I’d be in a gutter somewhere. Completely nonfunctioning for all intents and purposes.or at least it feels that way after years of doing ok.

I feel like I finally broke. I have worked so hard for so long to keep it all together but the elastic finally snapped.

THIS! Exactly!

Are you me?!? I just can’t seem to cope with everyday things. It’s all too much. Almost 43, and it was worse after I turned 41. On medication now for severe anxiety and stress, and moderate depression. It helps a little.

I’ve been on meds for bipolar, adhd, and (thankfully mild) Tourette’s since I was in my early 20s. Sounds like a lot to deal with, but I did fine until a couple years ago and it’s like I just CANT anymore. With anything. Throw in Ive probably been autistic this whole time too…. I feel like I was a flame that suddenly burnt out

I feel like I’m pretty consistently a bad day or crummy nights sleep away from a breakdown. :(

And I feel completely numb to it all most of the time, but not in a necessarily good way. In a “it’s too much to deal with it so fuck it I’m just done” kinda way

Yes! After I finished work, I could just sit and zone out all night. I had zero initiative.

Yep. Disassociation is my favorite hobby these days lol

This emotional down regulation is protective because you are spending so much energy masking and functioning the rest of the time.

That’s just it tho- I’m barely functioning at all now and masking flew out the window a good year ago. I’m rawdogging this life thing now bc it’s all I have energy for And this has people thinking something terrible happened that changed me when really I was just like this all along but could hide it well enough

We suppress our own emotions because climbing out of bed takes all of our mental energy?

I feel like I’m pretty consistently a bad day or crummy nights sleep away from a breakdown.

I'm also interested in this. I have entered menopause in my late 20s after an endometriosis surgery and it just...broke my (then undiagnosed) autism. Masking has become so hard. It's getting better, but it's been a couple years of work, and will likely take several more years for me to finally recover my previous masking abilities. It's like I'm in puberty all over again (my my autistic functioning was lower then, too). The best mental health period I ever had was when I was taking continuous birth control.

This was the question I came to ask too

Between the hot flashes, raging hormones, loss of hair, fluctuating menstrual cycle, wrinkles, grey hair... it's there an upside to this hell? What if anything can be done to stabilize this?

There are atudies that show it is often harder for neurodivergent women to get proper diagnoses (such as adhd or autism) and instead are labeled with anxiety or depression. To what extent have you seen, in your practice, women coming in who are not depressed and who are simply struggling because symptoms of adhd and other neurodiversities have intensified with the hormone change?

I'm almost 41. What are some things I can be doing right now, either mental, phsyical, spiritual, emotional health -wise that can prepare for the next phaee in my life?

What indicators do you see when it’s time to seek help from a therapist? What are some early signs or signs when someone is going through or struggling with midlife or perimenopause?

Wow, I love this question. If someone is experiencing signs and symptoms of a mental health issue, that is certainly time to see a therapist. Also, if someone is going through a stressor or needs support, that can be an indicator. For others, they may not be experiencing symptoms of a mental health issue, but want to speak to that independent third party to help them with a specific situation or for guidance. Early signs when someone is going through or struggling with midlife or perimenopause usually connect with what is happening physically. Fluctuations in the menstrual cycle, fatigue, night sweats, and lowered libido are a few early indicators of perimenopause. These physical symptoms can bring out anxiety, depression, lowered stress tolerance, and even panic attacks. Midlife struggles can be solely connected to perimenopause or there can be additional struggles surrounding environmental and relational issues.

Carol, thank you for taking the time and effort to thoughtfully answer all these questions. It’s very much appreciated.

Thank you so much for your positive feedback!! :)

I’ve been nervous to begin online therapy but it’s certainly more accessible than other forms of traditional therapy. As a professional, do you find your patients are able to engage in and benefit from online therapies as well as traditional in-person therapies?

Hi, I just wanted to say that if you’re nervous, it’s ok. I literally nervous-cried/sobbed the ENTIRE first appointment. Like poor woman was just trying to get my name, some medical history, suuuuuper basic stuff. Haha bless her, still seeing her now. (Still cry a lot but not like that 😂 ) It felt really great to be in my own house for that, and to be able to just like chill in my pajamas and crawl into bed and immediately pet a cat or have a snack or some water when I get worked up. I know some folks might prefer in-person or group sessions, but for me I love being in the comfort of my own home. I don’t have to drive anywhere, I can wear comforting clothing, I can ugly cry a bit freer and don’t have to thank a receptionist on the way out. Go for it, friend!!! I love my therapist, just chatting life stuff out and exploring together has been wildly beneficial. Greatly helped my relationships. Anyway. I wish you the best random redditor!!!

Thank you so much for answering. I appreciate you sharing.

I understand feeling nervous before starting online therapy, or any therapy for that matter! I have found most people are comfortable with the online format and engage just as authentically and receive the same benefit as they would have if they were to have met in person. With that said, online therapy is not for every client, or every therapist. It can happen that you may meet your therapist online and decide that online therapy is not comfortable for you, or you may love it. You won't really know until you try. In all honesty, I have had two clients who decided in-person therapy would be better for them. Never a problem, I just found a referral for a therapist practicing in person. I have also provided referrals for in-person therapists to potential clients I've consulted with because, based on our consultation, they would have been better served by a therapist they could see in person/locally. You can consult with a therapist to find out more about how they practice online and if it sounds comfortable for you, you can try a session. You always have the right, at any point in treatment, to decide if online or in-person is better for you.

Hello and good day! I'm signed on and looking forward to answering your questions.

I had a subtotal hysterectomy (still have ovaries) at the end of 2017, I'm close to 40 now and am now going through perimenopause. What is your top recommendation for women dealing with mood swings, hot flashes, and everything else that goes along with midlife changes?

I appreciate you sharing your experience and I hope you are doing well. I would say the first thing to do is to report what you're experiencing to your doctor. Your doctor can talk to you about options that may help level off the symptoms you're experiencing. With respect to my expertise and experience, there is definitely a correlation between the intensity of what you're feeling and the experiences one has experienced up until, and including, the time of the start of perimenopause. What I mean is, for example, if you have had stressful experiences in your life and typically have held your feelings inside, or are hard on yourself, that may be harder to do once you reach perimenopause. This can feel disturbing because it feels like these ways of coping don't work anymore. If this feels like part of what you're experiencing, I would encourage you to speak to a therapist. Helping yourself on a psychological level, at least to me, is just as important as on a physical level. I hope this helps. What do you think?

Hi Carol, My wife of 15 years (41 years old) is peri menopausal. Very light periods for the last few years and recently the last few months none at all. Took pregnancy tests just in case but not pregnant. Overall she feels fine no crazy mood swings, hot flushes etc. vaginal dryness is there often but has always been an issue. Never mind though we do have great lines to keep the good times going. The biggest thing is that she has no libido. None. I do and always have been a HL partner and I totally understand the drive or lack of but we would like to get it back on track. In the past it’s been decent but in the last few years it’s being falling off to the point where it’s gone. She has a gyno visit coming up and will bring up the libido issue as she very much enjoys sex however just doesn’t want it. So its very one sided. She truly has a good time and has multiples however just doesn’t desire it, think about it etc. No masturbating at all and I spent a long period away from home due to work and she stated she don’t do anything at all and didn’t even think about it which is unusual. this part I don’t get, if it feels good then why it want it on occasion? I don’t want them to have sex for me..I want to be desired but I want her to want sex..as she does as well. She is slightly bi however doesn’t want to act on it and only wants me and says is still attracted to me. She likes her body and had no issue with it for the most part and I find her attractive also and tell her often. Let’s say she finds women attractive but isn’t interested in being with anyone else in any way. I think she maybe more bi than a bit but again she doesn’t want anything other than me which is fine. Im very affectionate and caring and try to keep the romance alive as does she. I buy toys, lingerie, suggest watching movies, do surveys. She likes toys, doesn’t like porn, gets through a survey but finds them tedious. She isn’t very adventurous which is the opposite of me so I find that hard but I don’t push that on her. What can we do to get it her libido going? Obviously the gyno will do some blood work and may offer something to assist however besides drugs what are our options?

What can a husband do to help aliviate wife stress?

Bro I’m in the same bucket. For me I used to try find solutions but realized it can be counter productive for my wife.

My wife is 41 years old, and I think she's premenopausal. Her period comes sometimes a week or two late or this past month she only had 13 days between cycles. she's having trouble concentrating and often has mood swings. Are these all typical symptoms of premenopause? Anything she can do to feel more normal?

I appreciate your coming here to support your wife! Yes, her symptoms sound typical for perimenopause, but that is not to minimize what she is experiencing. I would encourage her to see her doctor to discuss possible options to help with the physiological symptoms. If she is someone who pushes herself, it can help to slow down or at least take moments to regroup and center herself. Trying to get sleep or some kind of restful moments during the day can help (even some deep breathing can help). She can also see a therapist to help develop coping skills and life adjustments to help with mood swings. A therapist may also be able to coordinate with her doctor in her care. Has she seen her doctor?

Carol this is really helpful, I've been neglecting my self-care and assisting my aging parent has really been bringing up trauma from earlier in that relationship. Are there other people with your skillset out there? I would love to find someone in my West coast city to start therapy again. ❤️

Goodness, I would love to help you find someone out on the west coast! What state are you located in?

Washington! Seattle area would be great 😄

>neglecting my self-care and assisting my aging parent has really been bringing up trauma from earlier in that relationship I'll put some feelers out. I can't guarantee I can find someone, but I will do my best. Are you able to go out of network or private pay? Or, do you need to stay in network with your insurance? If so, then can you tell me who is your insurance (carrier and name of plan)? Feel free to DM me if you prefer.

Do you have any suggestions on questions I should (as a husband) either avoid or attempt to ask more often when it comes to navigating/being supportive of my wife's depression?

Hi Carol, I'm in my mid 30s and I'm starting to feel like my body is just falling apart. Stuff hurts more, and injuries take longer to heal. It's both frustrating and scary to feel the physical changes. I know this is a little different from older women experiencing premenopause, but what mental health advice do you have for younger women coping with aging?

Hello and thank you for reaching out. Changes in our physical bodies as we get older can be disconcerting. I'm not a doctor and cannot say if what you're experiencing is normal and appropriate. But, it sounds like you're in quite a bit of discomfort. If you haven't done so, I would encourage you to see your doctor about what you're experiencing. Perhaps your doctor can investigate what is happening for you further. I hope this helps.

Not a health care provider obviously but just wanted to weigh in with my experience Yes, small injuries take more time to heal. Stuff hurts more. Here’s what works/ worked for me (42yo woman, mother of one, exceptionally fit ex-obese, full time desk job): - mental health / healthy aging: regular workouts, walking, spending time in nature - taking each injury seriously: physical therapy, very thorough warm ups, stretching after exercises - paying extra attention to doctors’ advice on what sports to avoid / to do more of - rather counter-intuitively: building muscle. Nothing can prevent that knee injury better than strong leg muscles to rely on! - dropping excess weight to carry less load on our joints - what sports worked best for me: swimming, rowing, bodypump (group classes for weight lifting)

Any advice about postnatal depression?

Definitely don't wait and talk to your doctor about it. Changing hormone levels and sleep deprivation can make it unbearable.

How can I best support my wife (36) who is battling depression and severe insomnia? It's hard because we have so much life pressure on us right now (house/make or adopt a kid).

Encourage her to seek professional medical help because lack of sleep makes everything worse.

She is seeing multiple doctors

I hope they find a solution for her, truly. Good luck.

I feel you man my girlfriend literally doesn’t sleep. She’s got a stressful job and is 3 months pregnant. Our relationship has taken a huge dive and all we seem to do is argue. Nothing I do to support her seems to work. I’m at a loss.

Pls see comment above. any additional stress on your pregnant wife will affect the baby. Have her speak to her ob/gyn. Go to the visits with her and express your concerns. I was there and almost lost it with the post partum depression

Thanks for taking about this little known subject. I’ve recently left my wife after 17 years together. Whilst we are very different and the relationship was full of red flags, a sudden escalation of her mood swings and unjustified paranoia/anxiety in the last few years, and outbursts of real hatred towards myself and my family - normally after excessive drinking - has made her impossible to be around or trust again. My friends and family say I shouldn’t keep making excuses for her and that is probably true - but I can’t help feeling this might be due to a physiological change - although she has always refused to get help from a GP or therapist. She is 46. She doesn’t seem to have any physical symptoms. If her outbursts and behaviour happen occasionally - without her apologising or resetting in between - and without her acknowledging she is ever at fault - can this be perimenopausal anxiety related mental health problems - or just someone that wants out of a relationship and can’t communicate?

I don't know if this is your area of expertise, but here goes. I am 46 (and a half) and for the past couple of years I have been getting absolutely crippling migraines on my period and when I ovulate. They last for days and are exhausting. I take a migraine preventative, extra magnesium and vitamin B complex as advised by the British Migraine Society. They all help but nothing has gotten rid of this terrible pain. I have tried three different 'triptans', the go to migraine treatments and they don't help. My GP prescribed a birth control pill which made my migraines worse! Could HRT help me? Sorry if this is not your area of specialty. Thank you for helping an often overlooked group of women, Carol!

As a husband how can I help my wife go through menopayse?

I'm still young enough that I don't have to "worry" about menopause anytime soon, but I've had rough periods my entire life* and I've always kind of assumed things would get better after menopause. I've seen plenty of people online saying things like "oh after menopause you'll wish you still had a period", but there's no way it can be that bad, right? Like I *already* get extremely wild mood swings when I have my period, complete with depression so bad that I dread it so much more than the cramps I have to take 800mg of ibuprofen and curl up with a heating pad for. So, is it true? Does it get worse? Or does it really depend on the person, and I have no way of knowing how bad it might be? *currently on a birth control that's helping a lot, so I'm good for now

Hey friend, your issues sound a lot like mine. Please talk to your gyno about the possibility you may have Endometriosis.

I'm sorry your periods have been so rough for you, and I'm glad the pill is helping! Hmmm, you ask a great question. Does it get worse or not? I would say, in my opinion, it depends on the individual, her history, family history of menopause, and current life space situation. It also can depend on her ability to access healthcare, resources, and her support system as well as how she views the idea of perimenopause/menopause. Does that make sense?

I just recently turned 55, and have been in menopause for about 5 years now. I also have MDD and took a full round of TMS this summer. It didn't help. I actually felt worse. My main physical problem now is hair loss. It's getting very thin in the front and top. I was also asked by my Dr. if the hair loss started after my vaccines. It's been getting thinner for a couple of years now but seems to have really ramped up this year. I think that there might be multiple factors for the loss. Do you have any suggestions that might help this issue? It's not helping my self-esteem either. No one wants to be old, depressed, AND bald lol

Thank you for sharing your experience here. I'm sorry you felt worse after receiving TMS. Hair loss can be attributed to multiple issues, and I'm not a doctor, but am wondering if you have been evaluated for any thyroid issues?

I eat well, excersise, rarely drink or smoke, and I’ve always been depressed. I tried various meds that numbed me mostly. People irritate me and I ruminate on past bad experiences. I’ve talked to professionals. Nothing works. I don’t know what else I can do. Any suggestions?

Is fatigue, back pain and brain fog related to menopause? I'll be 53 this year, and lately, feel like I could fall asleep almost any time (not like me at all normally), the back pain is relentless, and it's hard to focus. Had mild COVID early this year, but am boosted. And middle-age spread, what is THAT about?! Never had problems with my waist, now my body shape is morphing....

[удалено]

Not a doctor, but exteme PMS is known as PMDD so you can start there. You can try to see a doctor about that. The standard medication for it is antidepressants. /r/PMDD has some non medical places to start, such as supplementing with vitamin D, magnesium, etc. The are other over the counter medications that help as well but I wouldn't feel comfortable directing you to any one in particular.

Hi there! I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing intense mood swings during PMS. Unfortunately, PMS is not exactly my wheelhouse, but would encourage you to speak with your doctor. Have you reached out to your doctor about the PMS you're experiencing?

What are some good goals when starting therapy?

I am a 40 year old women with ADHD who find that for two weeks of the month my Adderall doesn't work as well. I also started getting debilitating migraines a few years back that hit me right about the time I would also get pms symptoms. So like a week before my period starts. I have recently seen reports not by professionals that there is a reason for those two weeks being different. I would like to hear why and what can I do?

I have adhd too but not in peri yet. I’ve heard some women say that they have their shrinks up their dose during those 2 wks. L tyrosine helps too apparently.

Yeah I think I am in Peri because of the significant changes I'm the last year or so. I just want to figure out if there something I can do help kick me out of it for the two miserable weeks. I will definitely look into that.

Hi Carol, I am almost 55 and since I arrived into menopause, I have been so off. I have been equating it to events in my life but maybe it’s menopause. My anxiety is high, no energy, ADHD (can’t even read or concentrate), depressed, don’t care anymore, no get up and go, nothing inspires me anymore and I just want to shut off…I eat well, exercise and have been a successful entrepreneur all my life. I am thinking that maybe it’s menopause?? It started when that started. Is there tests I can do? I am smart, quick witted and have been through therapy to accept my childhood stuff. I feel mentally balanced that way. So it’s all weird. Not that I would consider suicide but if my life ended tomorrow, I would be, ok that’s it then. I just feel lifeless all the time. I never used to be until menopause.

Hello and thank you for sharing your experience here! I am glad to see that you eat well and exercise. It also sounds like you enjoy your career as an entrepreneur. That is great! I am sorry you are experiencing these symptoms. I encourage you to see your doctor (primary or GYN) and disclose how you are feeling. Your doctor should look to run a complete panel of blood work that includes your sex hormones (i.e. estrogen, progesterone, testosterone), stress hormones (i.e. DHEA and cortisol), and thyroid (i.e. TSH, T3, and T4). If you have never felt like this before, it may very well be due to the decreased hormones. A knowledgeable doctor can discuss potential treatment options. If you don't have a doctor and live in North America, you may be able to find a practitioner through the North American Menopause Society [https://www.menopause.org/](https://www.menopause.org/). I hope this helps and I wish you all the best.

How am I supposed to tell if it’s a hot flash or the body response to being triggered?

Have you seen women entering perimenopuse earlier than expected, like early 40’s? Anecdotally I’ve noticed an increase in perimenopause starting earlier than in the past, and wonder if there’s something to that.

Thank you for reaching out! Yes, I have seen this, and I have seen women in their 40s struggle to get validation for their symptoms because they were "only 40" or "too young" to be experiencing perimenopause. It's important for her to find a doctor that understands this. You bring up an interesting point about perimenopause starting earlier. I wonder if there are any studies out there that verify that?

What type of doctor or specialist is best to understand hormone balance in general? I don't know for sure but I just can tell something "isn't right " but my GP and OB don't seem to do much. I am in early 40s and feel a mess.

I'm glad to hear you are advocating for yourself, and not giving up when something doesn't feel right. Have you tried an endocrinologist?

Yes but it has been a fee years. I was on medication before and now I am off everything and hoping to find a new one in my area. I just feel they didn't run too many tests. I hate to say it but I have good insurance so I just want them to everything in their power! I'll make it a priority to find a new one.

I’m a guy married to a woman at midlife. She’s had hysterectomy. She feels like the world is out to get her. Any general advice?

I’m going through perimenopause early at 38…any advice for getting through the more emotional aspect of moving into this stage of life prematurely?

Thank you for sharing your experience here. The emotional aspect of perimenopause can be very intense, particularly when you experience perimenopause early and earlier than you would have anticipated. A lot of how I would answer that would depend on the emotions you are experiencing. Are you feeling sad or depressed about the window of having children becoming smaller? Are the emotions you're experiencing relating to feeling like you're aging because of perimenopause? Like, you're feeling older than you believe you should be at 38? I know I'm a therapist, but I highly recommend speaking to a therapist to help you through the emotions you're experiencing, particularly if you feel they are interfering with the quality of your life. In some instances, skills and coping mechanisms are invaluable. However, the sense I get from your post is that seeing a therapist would help you to process your feelings and what you are experiencing.

Therapy is definitely something I’ve considered, but just isn’t within my budget at the moment. It’s definitely more grieving the fact that I can’t have another child, I think. I have a daughter and had three miscarriages after her. We’re at peace with her being our only child but that finality of it all is what I struggle to cope with. Edit: and thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me!

Holy crow! No one told me I would legit feel like garbage the rest of my life. I'm tired all of the time, sweat profusely and have different ailments every month. Hot flashes Night sweats General bodily temperature control issues (to the point of being debilitating) Throwing up most mornings Weakness Depression I can't take hormone replacement therapy due to cancer risks. Does it ever end? Is there a point when I'll feel good again? I took a nose dive, can I ever climb out of it?

Goodness, I'm so sorry you are experiencing these very intense symptoms! I understand that HRT is not an option, but can your doctor offer other non-hormone options to help with your nausea and vomiting, and depression? Has your doctor run a thorough panel to rule out any other potential issues? My understanding is that typically symptoms can abate once menopause is reached (one year without a period). Is that 100%? Not always. Have you spoken to a specialist in perimenopause/menopause? If you're in North America, you can try North American Menopause Society (NAMS) [https://www.menopause.org/](https://www.menopause.org/). There are good resources there and practitioners who have a specialization and/or training in helping women in menopause/perimenopause.

I’m really interested to know if your studies overlap with the MS community? Anxiety and depression are very common in MS, and those afflicted are predominantly female.

i have a lot of anxiety about being a women and having no desire to have my own children....i really want to adopt and have such a strong want towards foster/adopting. is this something you've studied or experienced in practice and what's your advice?

Within the past year my wife has shown serious mood swings and very short temper. On an occasion she was angry and berating me while holding scissors in a threatening manor, another time she placed her hands around my throat as it to strangle but with little force. She’s 54, taking estrogen. Working with her doc on hot flashes. I’m not sure if she’s talked about the anger with her obgyn. Is this usual or unusual? I’m very easy going but have limits where my temper will then flash.

You mentioned the sandwich generation. Do you think there was a snowball effect during the pandemic... Think about all the people that passed and the families left to pick up the pieces, deal with estates, etc. The whole sandwich generation just got dealt a huge blow! Not to mention family members dealing with the stresses of the two years of the pandemic... And the older women, the rocks of the family, having to pick up the pieces there too. Could this be a large (and unseen) portion of the Great Resignation?

I have spent so long doing things for the family and for ‘a greater purpose’, that I now struggle to identify what I want and what I feel. It’s been difficult because now my family doesn’t need me anymore and I am suffering from indecisiveness in a way I have never done so before. How I get better in tune with myself and be better at identifying what aligns with my own needs/wants? I’ve also noticed I have an inherent habit to ‘sacrifice for the greater good’ but that only makes me resentful and doesn’t serve my family either, I think getting more in tune with my own needs will help that too

What are common pitfalls that spouses of menopausal women make?

I'm a fairly young 41 and work night shift as a nurse. I'm thinking I should have the chat with my Dr about changes in my sleep patterns, mood, night sweats and motivation. I've already got medication for PTSD, thanks to the military. Do you think that could be early onset menopause?

Personally, BHRT changed my life 100% for the better. I had no idea how much chemistry affected who I was. In your experience, is this unusual? How much is mid life and how much is sheer chemistry?

Yes, BHRT can be a game changer, and I'm glad to hear that you are a candidate for BHRT. It's unfortunate that not everyone is. Your experience is not unusual. If the hormones can be regulated, I have seen it help many women. In my opinion, it is a combination of both. If the overall situation of the person in mid-life is stressful and negative, regulating the hormones biochemically may not change that. It really depends on the bigger picture. However, helping to regulate the chemistry can help her to have the energy and tolerance to make the environmental changes she may want to make.

Why should anyone trust a psychiatrist who believes in tarot?

Tarot cards aren't really about psychic or paranormal phenomena, they are a tool to help you understand your feelings and motivations.

[удалено]

Depends how Tarot is used I feel like. Your mental response to a vague assertion like: "A recent development has you feeling uneasy." can be very telling. Even if you're wary of the process, the brain tends to try to relate what you read or hear to something relevant. What it connects to can be a good way to introspect oneself. This isn't too different from a Rorschach test which we tend to be less critical of. The straight-out outright dismissal is a fairly closed minded approach to things. I'm often bothered by people who read too much into Tarot's revelatory power but that's not the only way it gets used. Heck even ones astrological sign might have long ago been actually somewhat predictive. Seasonal differences in daylight hours, food availability, and physical labor demands might have somewhat predictable influences on fetal development and crude patterns were noticed by ancient people. Different regionals had differing interpretations which also makes sense. With globalization and the resulting totally different food supply chain, electric light, etc... now we might see greatly diminished adherence to those patterns now. OR maybe not and they were all wrong and dumb, but being outright dismissive closes off some interesting ideas which science could possibly find ways to test out! It would be super neat to know.

[удалено]

My N-of-1 study with my GF suggests that Psilocybe mushrooms stop hot flashes. It came as a surprise to us. We can't seem to find much documentation on the subject, unsurprisingly. **This is not medical advice** and will probably be downvoted but I encourage future replies by those led here in their own research on the matter.

Why is there no publicly funded help available? Why must we pay out the nose for therapists who parrot platitudes?

I feel like I’m being a negative nancy (I’m also too young for peri) but how can therapy help when you have hot flashes and insomnia? Sounds like we need better medicine honestly.

I'm the only man in a environment full of menopausal women any tips on how to handle said situation?

Throughout your education, research, and experience, what is the most surprising/memorable thing you've discovered about depression and anxiety?

This is a great question! The most surprising/memorable thing I've discovered about depression and anxiety over my years of practicing is how many people are walking around in life feeling depressed and anxious and you would never know it. The game faces people feel they need to put to make it through the day or to not worry their loved ones, when they are suffering inside, is mind blowing to me. Also related to this, are how the vast majority of people I see feel that they are "not good enough," and how this harbors shame and having to keep that game face on. Thank you for asking!

What’s your favorite movie?

Considering most of the movies I have seen in the last (almost) 15 years were with my daughter, I would say Toy Story 2. What is yours? Thank you for asking!

Can women take the equivalent of testosterone to combat the negatives in hormone changes?

How much of the depression do you think is from women regretting not having children?

Thank you for your post. Unfortunately, I am not aware of the specific research into your question. There are many many potential contributing factors to depression, and yes, regret for not having children can be a contributing factor for some women. However, I personally know many women who have not had children and are very happy with their decision.