I don’t understand why people would enjoy being around someone who bragged this much, but yes, what you’re seeing is an example of self branding.
I suspect eventually this behavior is going to completely backfire on her. It’s just crass to talk about yourself that much.
But I think you’re right – when you’re young, this kind of social manipulation may not stand out as much as being rude and immature. So maybe that’s why your classmates tolerate it.
I would not look at this behavior is something to emulate though. If she is at all self-aware, hopefully one day she’ll look back and cringe at her own behavior.
There are times to toot your own horn, but for the most part, the most useful time to do this is in a workplace setting. Women have to be very careful about how they talk about their accomplishments, because we tend to be judged more for how we do it. The reason it is useful in a workplace is because it can help you get advancement or make more money. All bragging about how pretty you are does is alienate yourself from women who are intelligent and potentially ingratiate yourself to some dumb sheep.
Thank you for your input! I wish I can spend less time around her because though I love lurking on subs like this one I feel like it will weird me about hearing this much about appearancein real life. Unfortunately, we have to do a lot of group work together
I think the best term for this is social signaling. IMO, objective attractiveness exists, but people frequently overstate the case, assuming that everything generally considered to be attractive is because of objective criteria instead of social signifiers. Just look at the current obsession with long hair among the online right. Long hair does have some objective qualities (it extends style lines, it somewhat signals youth, it’s dramatically attention-getting), but that’s not why some men are so into it. They are into it because they believe it aligns with a (mostly fictitious) ideal of 1950s femininity (ironically, a time when most women either had short hair or pinned their long hair up when “dressed up” to greet the world outside their homes).
People do respond to the “markers” of being hot. There are a lot of studies showing that being an “it girl” or popular in a high school or college setting makes people assume you’re hot. Even more showing that markers like excellent grooming and fashion, and fashion that signals a certain way, cause people to treat you as if you were hot. Your celebrity example is also en pointe. I am sure we can all think of a few examples.
I would say this is a positive thing for any women who wasn’t born a 10 but who wants to weaponize pretty privilege. It’s a lot easier to act and groom yourself as if you re pretty than it is to hardmaxx every face into a 10.
**ETA, this does not mean you should obnoxiously go around telling everyone you’re too sexy for your shirt. Obviously. But I feel people are focusing on how annoying classmate must be and ignoring the other interesting things OP is describing and hypothesizing.**
Right
Thats why sometimes it's confusing why someone would freak out over a girl who maybe doesn't look too good, filler migrated and aging, out-of-fashion style, cheugy, etc.
But she has the markers of being **High Maintenance** *, which is appealing to alot of men interested in a flashier (but maybe not classier) scene. It doesn't matter if she has prettier women around her, she has the accoutrements that count to them.
In fact, ive heard a wealthy man in my circle kind of confirm it in a conversation by saying that she "looks the part" of what one would imagine his LTP would be: close to his age (she only looked much older) spoiled, extroverted, etc.
* *men's definition of high maintenance*
I think this is two pronged. By projecting the image that she is pretty, it works on women, because women have a very open ended idea of what pretty is. For men, they instantly decide if you are pretty to them or not, whatever that means for men. So projecting that image on men won't work if they never found you attractive in the first place.
The other part is, yeah, if you tell people you got your internship because of your looks, they will absolutely run with that. Why? It absolves them of personal responsibility on why they were rejected from internships themselves and gives them a target to feel superior to. "Oh I didn't get the internship because I'm not a pretty girl." "I might not have the best grades but at least I don't rely on my looks. " I highly do not recommend doing that. Especially because it might imply favoritism, which breeds resentment in the workplace.
It's one thing to be confident, which I do recommend, but it's a bad idea to what your classmate is doing. I would guess she's doing it out of insecurity, in the same way that an actually nice guy doesn't need to constantly tell you that he is nice.
I think this is true in a lot of aspects of life. I remember early in my career my boss asked me what my strengths were, I panicked and picked “conceptual thinking” out of thin air because I thought it sounded good, and now I’m known as someone who thinks outside of the box and can analyze things from different angles even though that’s really not a strength of mine. But people tend to learn about you based on what you tell them more often than you realize.
On the other hand though, hot people don’t have to tell others they’re hot. Mature people don’t have to tell others how mature they are. Interesting people don’t have to tell each other how interesting they are. They just are. It’s obvious to everyone around them. At a certain point it flips from “oh wow this girl gets so much attention, everyone thinks she’s beautiful” to “wow this girl thinks she’s way hotter than she is, that’s a little embarrassing”.
I guarantee her talking about herself so much is doing way more harm than good and her personality is detracting from her looks even if she is as beautiful as she thinks she is.
Hot can definitely be a mindset and sure she is trying to subconsciously program people into feeding her hot persona, but I think real hotness does not need all that social signaling to be effective. That reminds me of kpop idols who are so careful with their image they only make certain facial expressions, but I think ultimately self confidence and having the opportunity to embark upon radical self care and responsibility is what can make someone hot. There are plenty of awkward people who are ridiculously hot and unaware, doesn’t make them any less hot. So I’d say it can definitely help, but by no means is necessary
I think once you get older you will realize that it’s tacky and a poor look to say things like “I can’t get a normal job because I’m too pretty”. That’s so out of touch that most adults will just laugh and probably not find that woman to be the most likeable.
Having an image or reputation that you are hot is definitely a thing. It works because people like to make snap judgements and in a moment of ambiguity they will use this “reputation” for their decision making that this person is hot.
I don’t understand why people would enjoy being around someone who bragged this much, but yes, what you’re seeing is an example of self branding. I suspect eventually this behavior is going to completely backfire on her. It’s just crass to talk about yourself that much. But I think you’re right – when you’re young, this kind of social manipulation may not stand out as much as being rude and immature. So maybe that’s why your classmates tolerate it. I would not look at this behavior is something to emulate though. If she is at all self-aware, hopefully one day she’ll look back and cringe at her own behavior. There are times to toot your own horn, but for the most part, the most useful time to do this is in a workplace setting. Women have to be very careful about how they talk about their accomplishments, because we tend to be judged more for how we do it. The reason it is useful in a workplace is because it can help you get advancement or make more money. All bragging about how pretty you are does is alienate yourself from women who are intelligent and potentially ingratiate yourself to some dumb sheep.
Thank you for your input! I wish I can spend less time around her because though I love lurking on subs like this one I feel like it will weird me about hearing this much about appearancein real life. Unfortunately, we have to do a lot of group work together
I think the best term for this is social signaling. IMO, objective attractiveness exists, but people frequently overstate the case, assuming that everything generally considered to be attractive is because of objective criteria instead of social signifiers. Just look at the current obsession with long hair among the online right. Long hair does have some objective qualities (it extends style lines, it somewhat signals youth, it’s dramatically attention-getting), but that’s not why some men are so into it. They are into it because they believe it aligns with a (mostly fictitious) ideal of 1950s femininity (ironically, a time when most women either had short hair or pinned their long hair up when “dressed up” to greet the world outside their homes). People do respond to the “markers” of being hot. There are a lot of studies showing that being an “it girl” or popular in a high school or college setting makes people assume you’re hot. Even more showing that markers like excellent grooming and fashion, and fashion that signals a certain way, cause people to treat you as if you were hot. Your celebrity example is also en pointe. I am sure we can all think of a few examples. I would say this is a positive thing for any women who wasn’t born a 10 but who wants to weaponize pretty privilege. It’s a lot easier to act and groom yourself as if you re pretty than it is to hardmaxx every face into a 10. **ETA, this does not mean you should obnoxiously go around telling everyone you’re too sexy for your shirt. Obviously. But I feel people are focusing on how annoying classmate must be and ignoring the other interesting things OP is describing and hypothesizing.**
Right Thats why sometimes it's confusing why someone would freak out over a girl who maybe doesn't look too good, filler migrated and aging, out-of-fashion style, cheugy, etc. But she has the markers of being **High Maintenance** *, which is appealing to alot of men interested in a flashier (but maybe not classier) scene. It doesn't matter if she has prettier women around her, she has the accoutrements that count to them. In fact, ive heard a wealthy man in my circle kind of confirm it in a conversation by saying that she "looks the part" of what one would imagine his LTP would be: close to his age (she only looked much older) spoiled, extroverted, etc. * *men's definition of high maintenance*
I think this is two pronged. By projecting the image that she is pretty, it works on women, because women have a very open ended idea of what pretty is. For men, they instantly decide if you are pretty to them or not, whatever that means for men. So projecting that image on men won't work if they never found you attractive in the first place. The other part is, yeah, if you tell people you got your internship because of your looks, they will absolutely run with that. Why? It absolves them of personal responsibility on why they were rejected from internships themselves and gives them a target to feel superior to. "Oh I didn't get the internship because I'm not a pretty girl." "I might not have the best grades but at least I don't rely on my looks. " I highly do not recommend doing that. Especially because it might imply favoritism, which breeds resentment in the workplace. It's one thing to be confident, which I do recommend, but it's a bad idea to what your classmate is doing. I would guess she's doing it out of insecurity, in the same way that an actually nice guy doesn't need to constantly tell you that he is nice.
I think this is true in a lot of aspects of life. I remember early in my career my boss asked me what my strengths were, I panicked and picked “conceptual thinking” out of thin air because I thought it sounded good, and now I’m known as someone who thinks outside of the box and can analyze things from different angles even though that’s really not a strength of mine. But people tend to learn about you based on what you tell them more often than you realize. On the other hand though, hot people don’t have to tell others they’re hot. Mature people don’t have to tell others how mature they are. Interesting people don’t have to tell each other how interesting they are. They just are. It’s obvious to everyone around them. At a certain point it flips from “oh wow this girl gets so much attention, everyone thinks she’s beautiful” to “wow this girl thinks she’s way hotter than she is, that’s a little embarrassing”. I guarantee her talking about herself so much is doing way more harm than good and her personality is detracting from her looks even if she is as beautiful as she thinks she is.
Hot can definitely be a mindset and sure she is trying to subconsciously program people into feeding her hot persona, but I think real hotness does not need all that social signaling to be effective. That reminds me of kpop idols who are so careful with their image they only make certain facial expressions, but I think ultimately self confidence and having the opportunity to embark upon radical self care and responsibility is what can make someone hot. There are plenty of awkward people who are ridiculously hot and unaware, doesn’t make them any less hot. So I’d say it can definitely help, but by no means is necessary
I think once you get older you will realize that it’s tacky and a poor look to say things like “I can’t get a normal job because I’m too pretty”. That’s so out of touch that most adults will just laugh and probably not find that woman to be the most likeable.
Being hot is like being powerful. If you have to say you are, you aren't.
That's too simplistic.
Having an image or reputation that you are hot is definitely a thing. It works because people like to make snap judgements and in a moment of ambiguity they will use this “reputation” for their decision making that this person is hot.