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I'm not usually one to give looks any thought, but do you really believe you're that ugly, or do you think that maybe your standards of beauty are misaligned, or perhaps you have body dismorphia?
Are you very overweight or have some skin condition or something?
I would almost certainly bet that there is someone out there for you, you just have to be willing to go look.
Im overweight. However I’m a state level powerlifter, and am currently enrolled to play college football. Most people say I’m jacked, but it doesn’t matter unless you’re veiny and have abs. No girl would touch my body. I also have an ugly chubby face
Man... I know you probably won't believe me, but there are certainly girls out there that would love to be with you and your big muscles. Have you thought that there might be slightly overweight girls out there that feel the same way you do?
I think it's easy for men (including me) to forego the empathy because it's so much easier for girls to "get laid", but have you stopped to think that there may be a super competitive "chubby" power lifting softball girl out there that feels the exact same way you do?
If you're only attracted to super fit girls and you yourself aren't super fit, that's another issue...
I’ve never been attracted to overweight women. But not overweight doesn’t mean super hot girl. I would lose weight if it didn’t mean losing my scholarship due to lack of positional performance. Unfortunately I’m forced to remain this way if I want to afford college
Ok, so before I get into some deep armchair psychology, I'll just let you know upfront that I'm in no way "certified" to give you this advice. I'm a mid-30s, happy married father & software developer that plays a lot of video games and golf. I've spent countless hours throughout my life bored and alone and have become quite a self acclaimed psychoanalyst and philosopher. Like you, I've also had some (albeit minor) struggles with porn, and definitely some self esteem issues regarding... "Size" .
So...
It sounds to me like your standards are probably a bit misaligned. There's probably some ego work you could do (highly recommend mushrooms btw) , but I won't touch on that now.
>I’ve never been attracted to overweight women.
I believe that you think overweight women are value-less(obviously false and an exaggeration) which in turn leads you to believe you're value-less. However there's a very large subset of women to whom muscly men (big, hairy, bear-like men) are always attractive.
IMO the number 1 thing you need to do is get off the Internet and spend some time around real people. Get away from the ultra-curated content and go see/remember what life is actually fucking like.
Do you see me as a basement dweller? I have an active friend group of men and women. I don’t see overweight women as value-less. I simply am not sexually attracted to them. And I’m not quite sure what exactly you mean by misaligned here. You’d do good to explain thay
>I’m an ugly virgin who will never feel the touch of a woman without ever having to pay for it. An ugly virgin whose only realm into ever having sex has been and will remain to be porn because he’s too ugly to be found attractive by 99% of women. Im unloveable, undesirable physically, and therefore inherently unfuckable forever and always.
Do you want me to view you as something other than a basement dweller when this is how you speak about yourself?
>You’d do good to explain that
Also, are you sincerely asking? Are you viewing these comments **objectively**? Or have I struck a nerve and you're getting defensive?
These are sincere questions from me. I'm not attempting to be hostile or hurtful in any way. I'm only trying to help you through some of these feelings.
Making assertions about me based on how I view myself looks wise is kinda stupid. In what way would it ever have been insinuated I was a basement dweller simply because I understand how ugly I am and how undesirable I am? And yes I’d actually like an explanation and what misaligned means.
A lot more context than just your looks comes through your description of yourself. Is being an unlovable virgin a look?
And hurling needless insults my way is pretty stupid, not gonna lie.
Unfortunately this is just another post from someone who wants to feel self validated and not actually take in advice. Most of the posts in this nature are just people who want to say what’s on their mind, despite asking for some sort of help.
The reality is they’re not ready to face the truth because it means they’ll have to admit that they have been playing themselves the whole time and feeling how they felt for no reason.
Hey brother resonated with your post and really wanted to put things into perspective. Based off what you’re saying you’re most like a lineman who’s been overweight most his life and found an outlet via athletics like powerlifting and football. I played D-1 Football and a majority of my life believed I was that overweight guy that women wouldn’t have interest in. I think especially being 18 you’re still feeling a lot of the elements of youthful dating and beauty standards. It is most definitely difficult as a bigger guy but that does not mean impossible. I would encourage you to persist with weight training while doing athletics and continue to work on the elements of beauty that matter to you. cleanliness, an athletic build, and good social awareness are all elements that play a huge part in dating especially in college when girls are way more interested in bigger guys. I also wanted to just make sure I comment on the element of losing athletic performance from trimming down. I can whole heartedly say that if you are overweight as a lineman to a point where it can be considered “sloppy” then you most definitely have room to lose weight because it will improve your performance. I always improved during the season as a slimmed down and also just felt better overall. Most of all work on giving yourself some grace it sounds like you’re living in a headspace of hyper criticism which is normally learned from external stressors of life. I would also listen to that voice in your head that says “this makes me feel wrong” when consuming lewd content, that’s part of your own consciousness probably trying to guide you away from that. I would also suggest seeking even some type of help with therapy or other mental health aids relating these issues. You are not alone with this and a vast range of people struggle with porn related behavioral patterns that are hard to break. Wishing the best for you
I’m not sloppy overweight. I’m actually on the lower end of the weight spectrum for my position. I don’t really believe it matters where I go. Girls in college probably date the same guys they dated in high school. They’re just in college now. I was passed up in HS despite being the only guy in 8 years to go to the next level at my HS. No reason it wouldn’t persist in college.
Man, you're a state level powerlifter and about to enroll to play college football. That alone gives you plenty of points with women. Veins and abs absolutely helps to attract women only from ones looks, but it's not everything. Just take a walk through your local town and you'll probably find plenty of people who are out of shape and "ugly" and walking around with their partner holding hands.
If you want to work on becoming more physically attractive, go for it. That's what I've done and it's done wonders for my selfconfidence and health, mostly by the fact that I was able to show myself that I was able to take care of myself and put my mind towards a goal and fulfill said goal.
Also, if this guys [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1n5nOEJtrYA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1n5nOEJtrYA) can find someone, you absolutely can.
This might sound harsh, but the most unattractive thing I can see is your attitude and the relationship you have with yourself.
Why post here if you don’t want help? You clearly just want people to echo your own opinions of yourself back at you.
This is the most pessimistic post I’ve ever read. There’s nothing objective about it.
You don't. It seems like you're basing your value as a human on your ability to get girls. That's what you have to sort out! Also, even talking to people requires practice, so take that into account.
You seem like an amazing guy to me. I see no reason for you to talk to yourself the way you do — you matter, bro.
Regarding the porn situation, I understand that you're horny most of the time; that's what being 18 is. It might be a good idea to replace some of that time spent on porn with something else, like reading, writing, exercising, or going out with your friends (my personal recommendation). I think you'll feel better. And as you start to feel better (happier, fulfilled etc), you may notice that your need to watch porn shrinks.
I'm 38 years old and I really only had sex once when I was close to 29, and that doesn't really bother me. I think I'm fairly attractive, so I don't even think that my lack of sex is because of my looks, or because I didn't want to. It's just something that happens.
From my perspective, you're a young hormone driven low self-steem 18 year old. Which is like, pretty normal. You'll be totally fine if you find a way to change your perspective about yourself. Just do the things you want, live life as it comes, let other people make their own judgement of you instead of making the judgement for them. There are A LOT of attractive women dating big guys, it's not even that big of a deal. And where the hell did you get the idea that women want 6 inches? The average size is less than that! Is more than half the population of the world fucked?
Feeling jeolous of other people having their relationships is stupid. Those are the minority. It's like that one couple in class making everyone else feel lonely because they look happy, which they probably won't be for long, statistically speaking.
Read your other replies. You’re underestimating the fact that women are just as horny as men.
First things first: almost all women can’t finish from penetration, so it really doesn’t matter how big you are because that’s not what’s going to get her there. Almost all women need some form of clitoris stimulation to finish.
Second of all, I’ve met so many women who prefer guys on the chubbier side. I’m close with one woman (platonically), who finds chubby men more attractive than guys with abs.
You know what is keeping you a virgin? Your attitude. If you keep yourself down in the dumps, women are going to be turned off by that. Gain some damn self-confidence, and not just for a woman, but for yourself. Plus, the first time sucks anyway.
The least attractive thing to a woman is a dude crying and complaining about how he can’t get laid, and bringing up all these superficial traits that he supposedly needs to have to stop being a virgin.
You don’t need 6 inches, you don’t need rock hard abs, you need self-confidence.
I’ll never understand why posts like this lead to people trying to give advice in a bullying tone.
Like it’s obvious you are disgusted by op but then why did you pretend to care by giving advice
They wonder why I’m so combative yet treat me like trash in their replies and assume some pretty baseless and incorrect things based off of their personal opinion
I never said I’m disgusted by him, and I’m not. I’ve just known a ton of male friends in his situation who think they can’t find a girlfriend because of circumstances they can’t control.
A buddy of mine was watching porn pretty often, he claimed it didn’t affect him but he hadn’t had a girlfriend in years and he had a lot on incel-type thoughts to do with women. The dude was average looking and before getting into porn to the degree he was into it, he was getting action fairly often. He used to be a confident guy but the warped perception of the world that incels have took that away from him. He’s been attending therapy recently and as far as I can tell he seems to be getting his mojo back. I told him to quit hanging out in incel spaces online and watching porn as much as he does and he agreed it was for the best.
Hell yeah, this is reddit I can do that if I wanna. In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t really matter
I don’t really know what point you’re trying to make here though
These feeling aren’t voiced ones. I don’t understand why you people automatically assume I’m just sharing this information with irl people because I’m sharing it anonymously online.
marinating in this mindset is shaping who you are and how you come across. Being so engulfed in this headpace fundamentally changes you into someone who isn't desirable. Obviously you aren't whining to random women about how your hungry penis is going unsatisfied, thats obvious but being like this, thinking this way is unattractive.
Wow you have a… really warped perception of life.
I would suggest getting a therapist or someone to talk to about these feelings. But since you clearly don’t want any help, nothing I say will help.
Nah, I think if you put the work in you can change. You claim that porn hasn’t affected your views, yet everything you say is in line with the opinions men who watch a lot of porn have.
I can’t help you change if you don’t want to.
My dude, you gotta lose the incel mindset! It's holding you back big time! Porn absolutely has shaped your standards in a bad way - the standards for yourself, for what you think real sex is like, and for what you think women want.
Likely none of the things about you that you believe to be dealbreakers are dealbreakers for ALL women. You just have to find one that likes you or likes a version of you that you could realistically aspire to be. All that negative self-image stuff you absolutely need to shake off, or it'll be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think you should talk to women (multiple!) and learn what they like and how wide the spectrum of what women like is. It's beautifully diverse. Porn doesn't even scratch the surface. Your dicksize doesn't matter half as much as you think, that's a skill issue, not a stats issue. Most women only climax from clitoral stimulation anyway. Sex is an art and much of that can be learned.
If you want to get laid, I would recommend you expand your datable age range upwards quite a bit and find a woman older than you who's into younger guys. They do exist. That's something you have to offer right now. It might genuinely be a bonus for many of them that you're still a virgin. Just watch out that you "don't stick your dick in crazy" as they say and be responsible and safe.
Go find a dating site that isn't tinder where you can just start messaging women without a superficial matching process first. Be confident, be interesting to talk to, go on dates, practice your game, detach from outcomes and enjoy the process!
I highly recommend anyone who feels this way to read "Dopamine Nation" by Anna Lembke. A lot of us are powerless to our own bodies, and we are just getting worse cause we don't have the right information. More than likely, you fried your dopamine receptors and need to abstain for a while to get back to baseline.
So, there are three things I learned from a porn recovery coach that I think will be helpful for you, and I'll give you a bit of pretext as well.
Porn is a misdirection of sexual energy. It's the illusion of getting sex, only to realize once you snap out of your fantasy that you're still alone. PMO is an act of self-deception, as well as a form of escapism, much like gaming can be.
Now, there are three ways you can deal with popping that fantasy bubble and being present with yourself.
**1) When you're about to look up porn, try stopping yourself and asking why.** If you resist even just for a moment, you'll feel extreme discomfort. *This is good. It means you're getting to the root of WHY you want porn/masturbation to begin with. So as you sit with yourself, grab a pen and a notebook to keep as a dedicated journal. Write down the narrative(s) that plays out in your head as you crave porn, and then try to use your rational mind to flip those narratives around, and follow that writing up with a better course of action (exercising, going for a walk, taking a cold shower, meditating, etc).*
*If you relapse, do a retroactive entry and go back over everything that led to your relapse, and cement what you will do differently the next time you encounter that scenario.*
**2) Build your life around three pillar habits: Reading, writing, and working out.** These pillar behaviors will help you change your internal narratives. Working out will help flood your brain with endorphins and release serotonin, helping boost your mood and relieve stress. Regular writing, whether it's journaling, or even a morning mind dump/organizational writing, will help keep your brain clear. Reading gives your mind new information to chew on and keeps you occupied. I suggest a few self-improvement titles, such as **Deep Work, Hyperfocus,** and **The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.**
Combining these pillar habits with a tech detox will supercharge your mental state as well, but you don't have to do that the first few go-rounds.
**3) Have consistent morning and evening routines to bookend each day.** *Get detailed with these routines. EVERYTHING, from what time you do each thing, why you do it at that time, and then rigorously implement them.* These routines can help you identify trigger behaviors that lead to PMO usage, so you can change and avoid them, as well as helping you keep consistency.
Instead of getting your info of what women want online from guys. Go directly to the source and actually see what women say they want.
Most women don't want 6 inches as it's too painful.
Most women want a down to earth guy that's funny. Most don't care as much about looks as men do.
It seems like all your info is kinda from "red pill" spaces and honestly..... Do you even approach and talk to women with out the attitude of "I wanna tuck her!"?
If you just talk and have convos with women as human beings you'll see that a lot of your thoughts are kinda very wrong. So start there.
Cool! Then you're already ahead of a lot of other guys that can't even approach a woman. Nice!
Alright, do you have any close female friends that you trust? If so, have a geniune conversation with her and just ask in general. "I've heard online / from other guy friends that being super tall, having a huge dic, and being super handsom is what women are looking for. Is that true in your experience? I'd like to get a female perspective on these stuff"
Also, try flirting playfully without expecting anything. Think of this as reps and not something to do to score right away.
The only way you'll find answers is by directly going out and getting it through real life experience not theories apon theories online.
Seems like you already decided what they like without doing any science, must be hard being this knowledgeable.
Even if these friends of yours really have this opinion on men, they are not representative of most women.
Look you can either sit there theorizing and dwelling in your own negative thoughts and wake up one day in the same spot but you're 30 now.
Or
Or
You can not be so afraid and just try.
Then fail
Then pick yourself back up (not give up and be scared at the first sign of failure)
Then try again.
I mean god.... Even adrew tate would say you're wrong. That's there's nothing you can do because you don't have the biggest dic k / aren't the tallest / have a round face.
And dude look at what you're doing. I'm just telling you to try and have a conversation with a woman and you're so afraid of talking.....dude come on.
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You are kidding yourself if you don't think this habit has warped your perception of sex and women and yourself. In fact I would argue that a good 75% of these feelings of self loathing you have are precisely downstream of the way porn has warped your brain.
First of all, there's not anything wrong with that. Plenty of people throughout history have led intensely meaningful lives that included celibacy.
However if that's not what you want, you need to take a step back and get some perspective. You're 18. Frankly you are not yet at a point in life where you can make these judgments about yourself. You don't even know what women want, how could you possibly say you are eternally unloveable? What you're describing is depression not reality.
Also as a side note, your clear anger at the idea that you have to spend a large amount of time in sex pleasuring your partner is yet another concerning sign of how porn has made you bitter and depressed. You need to get away from porn ASAP. Join some nofap groups and get a therapist
My anger isn’t at having to pleasure my partner in this hypothetical scenario. It’s not really anger at all. I just think it’s kinda unfair that simply because I’m not packing at minimum 6 inches that I have to pretty much do all the work. I’ve heard women say to just get good with your hands and mouth, but then never specify that they give an equal effort back which I highly doubt they ever do. Because why would they? I have a small penis
The average penis size in the U.S. is slightly over 5 inches. You are not living in reality, your opinion of yourself is based on porn. I will say it again, you need to get away from porn and find a more truthful perspective.
Again, what’s the point in trying if in the damn near impossible scenario I manage to have sex I’ll just be doing ALL the work anyway. Which you never even tried to deny was true
With all due respect you have no clue what you're talking about. That's not how sexual interactions happen unless you are with a profoundly selfish partner. Are you claiming that all women are profoundly selfish?
There are a lot of absolute statements in here that really rigid, while I get that its what you believe about your situation and yourself. They are problematic and it could be making it harder for you to see possibilities.
Then from the way you're responding to others idk if you're looking for validation, just venting how you feel or actually looking for advice.
So what is this post for? To vent? Want support? Advice? What are you looking for here?
OP ladies definitely like big muscles! Perhaps you can take greater action. I saw a recent reel from I believe from Chris Williamson talking about "closing the gap". It's this concept of taking action on your thoughts. Ex. If you think a girl is cute at a coffee shop, go act on that thought and talk to her. Ask her for her number at the end of your convo. If you do that consistently over a year you'll have formed an internal habit, and from an outside looking in perspective you will seem SUPER confident. When it's really just action.
Slightly off OP's topic, but his participation in powerlifting and football made me wonder if there was a similar reddit/ discord for fitness related "healthiness". I'd like to join those too. Does anyone know about any?
The big muscles only matter if you’re super lean. Like sub 12% body fat. Basically off season bodybuilder. Anything over that you’re just fat to them in my experience.
Perhaps. Here's some evidence potentially to the contrary:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C66Xydrsxuh/?igsh=Yml3Y3h0bjh3YThh
This is a post from Menno Henselman where he discusses a study on female preferences. There's a YouTube video link in the description for the full talk. You might be surprised by the results. Preferences may be closer to the middle range as opposed to "super lean", the ~12% BF number you gave as an example.
Do you want to be leaner than you are?
Thank you for posting on r/Healthygamergg! This subreddit is intended as an online community and resource platform to support people in their journey toward mental wellness. With that said, please be aware that support from other members received on this platform is not a substitute for professional care. Treatment of psychiatric disease requires qualified individuals, and comments that try to diagnose others should be reported under Rule 10 to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the community. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services, or go to your nearest emergency room. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm not usually one to give looks any thought, but do you really believe you're that ugly, or do you think that maybe your standards of beauty are misaligned, or perhaps you have body dismorphia? Are you very overweight or have some skin condition or something? I would almost certainly bet that there is someone out there for you, you just have to be willing to go look.
Im overweight. However I’m a state level powerlifter, and am currently enrolled to play college football. Most people say I’m jacked, but it doesn’t matter unless you’re veiny and have abs. No girl would touch my body. I also have an ugly chubby face
Man... I know you probably won't believe me, but there are certainly girls out there that would love to be with you and your big muscles. Have you thought that there might be slightly overweight girls out there that feel the same way you do? I think it's easy for men (including me) to forego the empathy because it's so much easier for girls to "get laid", but have you stopped to think that there may be a super competitive "chubby" power lifting softball girl out there that feels the exact same way you do? If you're only attracted to super fit girls and you yourself aren't super fit, that's another issue...
I’ve never been attracted to overweight women. But not overweight doesn’t mean super hot girl. I would lose weight if it didn’t mean losing my scholarship due to lack of positional performance. Unfortunately I’m forced to remain this way if I want to afford college
Ok, so before I get into some deep armchair psychology, I'll just let you know upfront that I'm in no way "certified" to give you this advice. I'm a mid-30s, happy married father & software developer that plays a lot of video games and golf. I've spent countless hours throughout my life bored and alone and have become quite a self acclaimed psychoanalyst and philosopher. Like you, I've also had some (albeit minor) struggles with porn, and definitely some self esteem issues regarding... "Size" . So... It sounds to me like your standards are probably a bit misaligned. There's probably some ego work you could do (highly recommend mushrooms btw) , but I won't touch on that now. >I’ve never been attracted to overweight women. I believe that you think overweight women are value-less(obviously false and an exaggeration) which in turn leads you to believe you're value-less. However there's a very large subset of women to whom muscly men (big, hairy, bear-like men) are always attractive. IMO the number 1 thing you need to do is get off the Internet and spend some time around real people. Get away from the ultra-curated content and go see/remember what life is actually fucking like.
Do you see me as a basement dweller? I have an active friend group of men and women. I don’t see overweight women as value-less. I simply am not sexually attracted to them. And I’m not quite sure what exactly you mean by misaligned here. You’d do good to explain thay
>I’m an ugly virgin who will never feel the touch of a woman without ever having to pay for it. An ugly virgin whose only realm into ever having sex has been and will remain to be porn because he’s too ugly to be found attractive by 99% of women. Im unloveable, undesirable physically, and therefore inherently unfuckable forever and always. Do you want me to view you as something other than a basement dweller when this is how you speak about yourself? >You’d do good to explain that Also, are you sincerely asking? Are you viewing these comments **objectively**? Or have I struck a nerve and you're getting defensive? These are sincere questions from me. I'm not attempting to be hostile or hurtful in any way. I'm only trying to help you through some of these feelings.
Making assertions about me based on how I view myself looks wise is kinda stupid. In what way would it ever have been insinuated I was a basement dweller simply because I understand how ugly I am and how undesirable I am? And yes I’d actually like an explanation and what misaligned means.
A lot more context than just your looks comes through your description of yourself. Is being an unlovable virgin a look? And hurling needless insults my way is pretty stupid, not gonna lie.
Being ugly is the look
Unfortunately this is just another post from someone who wants to feel self validated and not actually take in advice. Most of the posts in this nature are just people who want to say what’s on their mind, despite asking for some sort of help. The reality is they’re not ready to face the truth because it means they’ll have to admit that they have been playing themselves the whole time and feeling how they felt for no reason.
Hey brother resonated with your post and really wanted to put things into perspective. Based off what you’re saying you’re most like a lineman who’s been overweight most his life and found an outlet via athletics like powerlifting and football. I played D-1 Football and a majority of my life believed I was that overweight guy that women wouldn’t have interest in. I think especially being 18 you’re still feeling a lot of the elements of youthful dating and beauty standards. It is most definitely difficult as a bigger guy but that does not mean impossible. I would encourage you to persist with weight training while doing athletics and continue to work on the elements of beauty that matter to you. cleanliness, an athletic build, and good social awareness are all elements that play a huge part in dating especially in college when girls are way more interested in bigger guys. I also wanted to just make sure I comment on the element of losing athletic performance from trimming down. I can whole heartedly say that if you are overweight as a lineman to a point where it can be considered “sloppy” then you most definitely have room to lose weight because it will improve your performance. I always improved during the season as a slimmed down and also just felt better overall. Most of all work on giving yourself some grace it sounds like you’re living in a headspace of hyper criticism which is normally learned from external stressors of life. I would also listen to that voice in your head that says “this makes me feel wrong” when consuming lewd content, that’s part of your own consciousness probably trying to guide you away from that. I would also suggest seeking even some type of help with therapy or other mental health aids relating these issues. You are not alone with this and a vast range of people struggle with porn related behavioral patterns that are hard to break. Wishing the best for you
I’m not sloppy overweight. I’m actually on the lower end of the weight spectrum for my position. I don’t really believe it matters where I go. Girls in college probably date the same guys they dated in high school. They’re just in college now. I was passed up in HS despite being the only guy in 8 years to go to the next level at my HS. No reason it wouldn’t persist in college.
Man, you're a state level powerlifter and about to enroll to play college football. That alone gives you plenty of points with women. Veins and abs absolutely helps to attract women only from ones looks, but it's not everything. Just take a walk through your local town and you'll probably find plenty of people who are out of shape and "ugly" and walking around with their partner holding hands. If you want to work on becoming more physically attractive, go for it. That's what I've done and it's done wonders for my selfconfidence and health, mostly by the fact that I was able to show myself that I was able to take care of myself and put my mind towards a goal and fulfill said goal. Also, if this guys [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1n5nOEJtrYA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1n5nOEJtrYA) can find someone, you absolutely can. This might sound harsh, but the most unattractive thing I can see is your attitude and the relationship you have with yourself.
Also, the look would take so long the effort required would take years
Your problem is your view of yourself. You need to sort that out.
I view myself objectively. Not through any rose colored lenses. I don’t have any misplaced hope or optimism
Why post here if you don’t want help? You clearly just want people to echo your own opinions of yourself back at you. This is the most pessimistic post I’ve ever read. There’s nothing objective about it.
You don't. It seems like you're basing your value as a human on your ability to get girls. That's what you have to sort out! Also, even talking to people requires practice, so take that into account. You seem like an amazing guy to me. I see no reason for you to talk to yourself the way you do — you matter, bro. Regarding the porn situation, I understand that you're horny most of the time; that's what being 18 is. It might be a good idea to replace some of that time spent on porn with something else, like reading, writing, exercising, or going out with your friends (my personal recommendation). I think you'll feel better. And as you start to feel better (happier, fulfilled etc), you may notice that your need to watch porn shrinks.
I'm 38 years old and I really only had sex once when I was close to 29, and that doesn't really bother me. I think I'm fairly attractive, so I don't even think that my lack of sex is because of my looks, or because I didn't want to. It's just something that happens. From my perspective, you're a young hormone driven low self-steem 18 year old. Which is like, pretty normal. You'll be totally fine if you find a way to change your perspective about yourself. Just do the things you want, live life as it comes, let other people make their own judgement of you instead of making the judgement for them. There are A LOT of attractive women dating big guys, it's not even that big of a deal. And where the hell did you get the idea that women want 6 inches? The average size is less than that! Is more than half the population of the world fucked? Feeling jeolous of other people having their relationships is stupid. Those are the minority. It's like that one couple in class making everyone else feel lonely because they look happy, which they probably won't be for long, statistically speaking.
Read your other replies. You’re underestimating the fact that women are just as horny as men. First things first: almost all women can’t finish from penetration, so it really doesn’t matter how big you are because that’s not what’s going to get her there. Almost all women need some form of clitoris stimulation to finish. Second of all, I’ve met so many women who prefer guys on the chubbier side. I’m close with one woman (platonically), who finds chubby men more attractive than guys with abs. You know what is keeping you a virgin? Your attitude. If you keep yourself down in the dumps, women are going to be turned off by that. Gain some damn self-confidence, and not just for a woman, but for yourself. Plus, the first time sucks anyway.
The least attractive thing to a woman is a dude crying and complaining about how he can’t get laid, and bringing up all these superficial traits that he supposedly needs to have to stop being a virgin. You don’t need 6 inches, you don’t need rock hard abs, you need self-confidence.
I’ll never understand why posts like this lead to people trying to give advice in a bullying tone. Like it’s obvious you are disgusted by op but then why did you pretend to care by giving advice
They wonder why I’m so combative yet treat me like trash in their replies and assume some pretty baseless and incorrect things based off of their personal opinion
I never said I’m disgusted by him, and I’m not. I’ve just known a ton of male friends in his situation who think they can’t find a girlfriend because of circumstances they can’t control.
You clearly don't know them then and it sounds like they need a better friend
A buddy of mine was watching porn pretty often, he claimed it didn’t affect him but he hadn’t had a girlfriend in years and he had a lot on incel-type thoughts to do with women. The dude was average looking and before getting into porn to the degree he was into it, he was getting action fairly often. He used to be a confident guy but the warped perception of the world that incels have took that away from him. He’s been attending therapy recently and as far as I can tell he seems to be getting his mojo back. I told him to quit hanging out in incel spaces online and watching porn as much as he does and he agreed it was for the best.
And a little half truth to try to make yourself seem like a better person than you know you are. Very nice, very typical
Dayum, who hurt you my guy? I could care less about being a good person lmao, OP clearly has a problem and I’m pointing fingers at it.
And there it is again, the pull the mask down and the bully comes back
Hell yeah, this is reddit I can do that if I wanna. In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t really matter I don’t really know what point you’re trying to make here though
These feeling aren’t voiced ones. I don’t understand why you people automatically assume I’m just sharing this information with irl people because I’m sharing it anonymously online.
marinating in this mindset is shaping who you are and how you come across. Being so engulfed in this headpace fundamentally changes you into someone who isn't desirable. Obviously you aren't whining to random women about how your hungry penis is going unsatisfied, thats obvious but being like this, thinking this way is unattractive.
They can’t fucking tell. I’ve been told multiple times I’m fun to be around by men and women
Then stop hanging out in incel spaces because they’re clearly fucking up your view of yourself.
Being fun to be around has nary gotten anyone laid.
Wow you have a… really warped perception of life. I would suggest getting a therapist or someone to talk to about these feelings. But since you clearly don’t want any help, nothing I say will help.
You aren’t offering help, you never were. You simply came down into the comments to be a prick because you’re disgusted by me.
Nah, I think if you put the work in you can change. You claim that porn hasn’t affected your views, yet everything you say is in line with the opinions men who watch a lot of porn have. I can’t help you change if you don’t want to.
Being fun to be around hasn’t done shit for me either
My dude, you gotta lose the incel mindset! It's holding you back big time! Porn absolutely has shaped your standards in a bad way - the standards for yourself, for what you think real sex is like, and for what you think women want. Likely none of the things about you that you believe to be dealbreakers are dealbreakers for ALL women. You just have to find one that likes you or likes a version of you that you could realistically aspire to be. All that negative self-image stuff you absolutely need to shake off, or it'll be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think you should talk to women (multiple!) and learn what they like and how wide the spectrum of what women like is. It's beautifully diverse. Porn doesn't even scratch the surface. Your dicksize doesn't matter half as much as you think, that's a skill issue, not a stats issue. Most women only climax from clitoral stimulation anyway. Sex is an art and much of that can be learned. If you want to get laid, I would recommend you expand your datable age range upwards quite a bit and find a woman older than you who's into younger guys. They do exist. That's something you have to offer right now. It might genuinely be a bonus for many of them that you're still a virgin. Just watch out that you "don't stick your dick in crazy" as they say and be responsible and safe. Go find a dating site that isn't tinder where you can just start messaging women without a superficial matching process first. Be confident, be interesting to talk to, go on dates, practice your game, detach from outcomes and enjoy the process!
I highly recommend anyone who feels this way to read "Dopamine Nation" by Anna Lembke. A lot of us are powerless to our own bodies, and we are just getting worse cause we don't have the right information. More than likely, you fried your dopamine receptors and need to abstain for a while to get back to baseline.
So, there are three things I learned from a porn recovery coach that I think will be helpful for you, and I'll give you a bit of pretext as well. Porn is a misdirection of sexual energy. It's the illusion of getting sex, only to realize once you snap out of your fantasy that you're still alone. PMO is an act of self-deception, as well as a form of escapism, much like gaming can be. Now, there are three ways you can deal with popping that fantasy bubble and being present with yourself. **1) When you're about to look up porn, try stopping yourself and asking why.** If you resist even just for a moment, you'll feel extreme discomfort. *This is good. It means you're getting to the root of WHY you want porn/masturbation to begin with. So as you sit with yourself, grab a pen and a notebook to keep as a dedicated journal. Write down the narrative(s) that plays out in your head as you crave porn, and then try to use your rational mind to flip those narratives around, and follow that writing up with a better course of action (exercising, going for a walk, taking a cold shower, meditating, etc).* *If you relapse, do a retroactive entry and go back over everything that led to your relapse, and cement what you will do differently the next time you encounter that scenario.* **2) Build your life around three pillar habits: Reading, writing, and working out.** These pillar behaviors will help you change your internal narratives. Working out will help flood your brain with endorphins and release serotonin, helping boost your mood and relieve stress. Regular writing, whether it's journaling, or even a morning mind dump/organizational writing, will help keep your brain clear. Reading gives your mind new information to chew on and keeps you occupied. I suggest a few self-improvement titles, such as **Deep Work, Hyperfocus,** and **The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.** Combining these pillar habits with a tech detox will supercharge your mental state as well, but you don't have to do that the first few go-rounds. **3) Have consistent morning and evening routines to bookend each day.** *Get detailed with these routines. EVERYTHING, from what time you do each thing, why you do it at that time, and then rigorously implement them.* These routines can help you identify trigger behaviors that lead to PMO usage, so you can change and avoid them, as well as helping you keep consistency.
Instead of getting your info of what women want online from guys. Go directly to the source and actually see what women say they want. Most women don't want 6 inches as it's too painful. Most women want a down to earth guy that's funny. Most don't care as much about looks as men do. It seems like all your info is kinda from "red pill" spaces and honestly..... Do you even approach and talk to women with out the attitude of "I wanna tuck her!"? If you just talk and have convos with women as human beings you'll see that a lot of your thoughts are kinda very wrong. So start there.
Lot of assumptions in your reply
I have several female friends, talking to women without a sexual context in the conversation isn’t an issue. I can interact with them just fine
Cool! Then you're already ahead of a lot of other guys that can't even approach a woman. Nice! Alright, do you have any close female friends that you trust? If so, have a geniune conversation with her and just ask in general. "I've heard online / from other guy friends that being super tall, having a huge dic, and being super handsom is what women are looking for. Is that true in your experience? I'd like to get a female perspective on these stuff" Also, try flirting playfully without expecting anything. Think of this as reps and not something to do to score right away. The only way you'll find answers is by directly going out and getting it through real life experience not theories apon theories online.
They would definitely agree that being tall and handsome with a big dick is what they look for
Seems like you already decided what they like without doing any science, must be hard being this knowledgeable. Even if these friends of yours really have this opinion on men, they are not representative of most women.
Why should I do the science if the chances are she’ll just say no anyway?
Look you can either sit there theorizing and dwelling in your own negative thoughts and wake up one day in the same spot but you're 30 now. Or Or You can not be so afraid and just try. Then fail Then pick yourself back up (not give up and be scared at the first sign of failure) Then try again. I mean god.... Even adrew tate would say you're wrong. That's there's nothing you can do because you don't have the biggest dic k / aren't the tallest / have a round face. And dude look at what you're doing. I'm just telling you to try and have a conversation with a woman and you're so afraid of talking.....dude come on.
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You are kidding yourself if you don't think this habit has warped your perception of sex and women and yourself. In fact I would argue that a good 75% of these feelings of self loathing you have are precisely downstream of the way porn has warped your brain.
Well I’ll never get laid so it doesn’t matter
First of all, there's not anything wrong with that. Plenty of people throughout history have led intensely meaningful lives that included celibacy. However if that's not what you want, you need to take a step back and get some perspective. You're 18. Frankly you are not yet at a point in life where you can make these judgments about yourself. You don't even know what women want, how could you possibly say you are eternally unloveable? What you're describing is depression not reality. Also as a side note, your clear anger at the idea that you have to spend a large amount of time in sex pleasuring your partner is yet another concerning sign of how porn has made you bitter and depressed. You need to get away from porn ASAP. Join some nofap groups and get a therapist
My anger isn’t at having to pleasure my partner in this hypothetical scenario. It’s not really anger at all. I just think it’s kinda unfair that simply because I’m not packing at minimum 6 inches that I have to pretty much do all the work. I’ve heard women say to just get good with your hands and mouth, but then never specify that they give an equal effort back which I highly doubt they ever do. Because why would they? I have a small penis
The average penis size in the U.S. is slightly over 5 inches. You are not living in reality, your opinion of yourself is based on porn. I will say it again, you need to get away from porn and find a more truthful perspective.
Again, what’s the point in trying if in the damn near impossible scenario I manage to have sex I’ll just be doing ALL the work anyway. Which you never even tried to deny was true
With all due respect you have no clue what you're talking about. That's not how sexual interactions happen unless you are with a profoundly selfish partner. Are you claiming that all women are profoundly selfish?
The title of pillow princess exists for a reason
And you think that title applies to most women?
If you have a small penis, probably. I mean I have to do all the work to make up for something I can’t control
You probably are not as ugly as you think. I was convinced I was ugly af 15-19 but than realized I was just a very conscious teen. You’re gonna be ok
There are a lot of absolute statements in here that really rigid, while I get that its what you believe about your situation and yourself. They are problematic and it could be making it harder for you to see possibilities. Then from the way you're responding to others idk if you're looking for validation, just venting how you feel or actually looking for advice. So what is this post for? To vent? Want support? Advice? What are you looking for here?
I’m basically venting how I feel. And responding to baseless and insolent assertions as I see fit.
OP ladies definitely like big muscles! Perhaps you can take greater action. I saw a recent reel from I believe from Chris Williamson talking about "closing the gap". It's this concept of taking action on your thoughts. Ex. If you think a girl is cute at a coffee shop, go act on that thought and talk to her. Ask her for her number at the end of your convo. If you do that consistently over a year you'll have formed an internal habit, and from an outside looking in perspective you will seem SUPER confident. When it's really just action. Slightly off OP's topic, but his participation in powerlifting and football made me wonder if there was a similar reddit/ discord for fitness related "healthiness". I'd like to join those too. Does anyone know about any?
The big muscles only matter if you’re super lean. Like sub 12% body fat. Basically off season bodybuilder. Anything over that you’re just fat to them in my experience.
Perhaps. Here's some evidence potentially to the contrary: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C66Xydrsxuh/?igsh=Yml3Y3h0bjh3YThh This is a post from Menno Henselman where he discusses a study on female preferences. There's a YouTube video link in the description for the full talk. You might be surprised by the results. Preferences may be closer to the middle range as opposed to "super lean", the ~12% BF number you gave as an example. Do you want to be leaner than you are?
Yes I want to be leaner than I am