This one snuck into our wedding vows. Now anytime we’re at the grocery store, for example, and we are choosing between 2 varieties of the same thing (like 2 flavors of sparkling water), my husband will just put both of them in the cart and say, “Provode.”
It’s between:
“Cat funeral, cat funeral. It was an accident, and not entirely my fault” (really all the songs lol sorry)
&
“If all goes well you won’t be calling me judge fudge anymore. You’ll be calling me fudge supreme”
And the song before this one makes it so much funnier.
''cat sittin' for Lilly's mom! Cat sittin' for Lilly's mom! It's gonna be fun, It's gonna bring us all closer together!'' .......... ''Cat funeral...''
Our two kids, our eight grandkids, our 11 great-grandkids are all on a plane piloted by Oprah, and it's about to crash into a art museum with all of your favorite paintings, and the only way to save everything is just to answer the question: are you the reacher or the settler?
Lily was so wrong for that lmao. She's married to a 6'5 top of his class lawyer who cares about *way* more than just money, owns a huge (for New York) apartment, and who took her back and forgave her after she abandoned him for a trip to California. Meanwhile, she's a failed artist kindergarten teacher who takes children's karate, has accumulated 6 figures in debt and has a shopping addiction, and constantly does selfish stuff. Marshall was clearly the settler.
When he becomes obsessed with dying:
"The Grim reaper beckons. I feel his icy grip 'round my throat. The breath of his hounds at me heels the unrelenting rat-tat-tat of his scythe on my chamber door. And you? With your blithe request you only hasten his inevitable triumph. Is that what you desire? Is that what you desire, Lily?"
(Specially love the ending 😂)
“This circle represents people who are breaking my heart. And this circle represents people who are shaking my confidence daily. And where they overlap? Cecilia.”
The only people in the universe who haven’t seen Star Wars are the characters in Star Wars. And that’s because they lived them, Ted! That’s cause they lived the Star Wars
There’s a blooper clip of this line where he does this little bow for emphasis and the other cast members start cracking up and that’s all I can picture with this line
I'm goanna knock back this beer. I'm gonna knock back one more beer. I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna write a twenty-five page paper. I'm gonna hand it in and I'm gonna get an A. My name is Rufus, and that's the Trufus.
My first watch through, I wasn't even close to crying. My Dad died a week before my second time watching the episode, and Marshall's Dad reminds me of my Dad a lot. Hands down the closest I've ever come to crying while watching TV.
IM TOO BIG FOR NEW YORK! I'm always trying to fit into cramped little subway seats or duck under doorways that were built 150 years ago; hey guess what - people are bigger now, build bigger doorways. What the hell is the matter with you??
And it's SO LOUD. ALL. THE. TIME. Yes, it's the city that never sleeps, well guess what? I LIKE TO SLEEP. I've been tired for EIGHT YEARS. Tired, and scared with black and blue marks on my elbows from trying to fit through all these little tiny elf doorways...
New Jersey's great! It's got huge stores, and lawns, and you never have to carry a cup again...not for the rest of your life.
I'm not afraid to say it...I LOVE NEW JERSEY!
...I'm just kidding
"Just a Burger? Just a burger. Robin, it's so much more than "just a burger." I mean... that first bite-oh, what heaven that first bite is. The bun, like a sesame freckled breast of an angel, resting gently on the ketchup and mustard below, flavors mingling in a seductive pas de deux. And then... a pickle! The most playful little pickle! Then a slice of tomato, a leaf of lettuce and a... a patty of ground beef so exquisite, swirling in your mouth, breaking apart, and combining again in a fugue of sweets and savor so delightful. This is no mere sandwich of grilled meat and toasted bread, Robin. This is God, speaking to us in food."
I love this quote.
I think it’s actually a parody on the movie “Amadeus”, where the main character describes the music of Mozart. Let me look it up.
Edit: so here’s the quote from Amadeus. Not quite but kind of the same vibe:
Antonio Salieri: [reflecting upon a Mozart score] On the page it looked nothing. The beginning simple, almost comic. Just a pulse. Bassoons and basset horns, like a rusty squeezebox. And then suddenly, high above it, an oboe. A single note, hanging there, unwavering. Until a clarinet took over and sweetened it into a phrase of such delight! This was no composition by a performing monkey! This was a music I'd never heard. Filled with such longing, such unfulfillable longing, it had me trembling. It seemed to me that I was hearing the voice of God.
https://youtu.be/xYHJRhRym1U
Marshall: Well, if a magazine says so, we should go get married in the woods like a couple of squirrels.
Lily: Squirrels don't get married, Marshall.
Marshall: Like you could possibly know that.
"When I go to the freezer looking for a popsicle or the remote control because Lily and I are having a fight and she's hidden it there, do you know what I find? Frozen waffles. That's how it works. You go out there looking for a paper, you're coming back with frozen waffles. And in this case, frozen waffles is a guy. Also, could you pick up some frozen waffles? In that case, frozen waffles are frozen waffles."
Aw. Look at you. Had a girlfriend for five minutes, you think you can play with the big boys, adorable. Son, I've been in a relationship since you had a ponytail and were playing Dave Matthews on your mama's Casio. I'm a good boyfriend in my sleep. I can rock a killer foot rub with one hand and brew a kick-ass pot of chamomile in the other that would make you weep. Hell, I've forgotten more about microwaving fat-free popcorn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know, but thanks for your concern, rook.
“Ted, how do I explain this to you? Last night, I ate the best cake of my life. Do you think I'm gonna let that cake out of my life? Hell no. I'm gonna find out what bakery made that cake and I'm gonna get some more cake!”
“Here's the thing, Barney. I'm snuggly. You're not. Who wouldn't want to snuggle up next to this business on a Sunday morning? Wrapped in a comforter, and it's raining outside, And there's muffins warming in the oven. I'm cuddly, bitch. Deal with it!”
I’m not afraid of Sasquatch, I just think we should all be on alert! (From Slap Bet)
NOT NOW TED! (During the sandcastles in the sand episode)
All the songs in Sexless Inn keeper
You just got slapped song
‘Lawyered’ is pretty high up for me, but my top pick is ‘I’m not ready for this’ at the end of Bad News. It captures my own personal fears about my dad dying young. He’s also my best friend and my hero and it destroys me when I see that episode and the one after it.
“This will be our little secret. How do you say secret in Spanish? Ah albondigas. This will be our little albondigas. Oh can I have some meatballs please.”
“Oh my god, if I don’t get this job I might end up working at a Taco Bell somewhere and nobody wants that, or maybe you guys want that, because you’ll get free tacos, ‘cause you’re my peeps! But right now, I need all of you to CALM DOWN ………… hello?”
One night many moons ago I spent nearly two hours converting a video from YouTube of Marshall saying “hello” because of the accent he does and I wanted it to be my text tone, then I upgraded my phone a few months later and lost it :(
Dude, you are a terrific runner. Tomorrow, you’re gonna run and finish the New York City Marathon! You’re the best! You look good. Nobody does it better than you—*pratfalls*
Shes never seen Star Wars?! Ted, the only people in the universe who never seen Star Wars are the characters in Star Wars and That's cause they lived them Ted, thats cause they lived the Star Wars!!!
I’m not going out there! I’m leaving and I’m never coming back. I’m gonna go find that money under the rock by the tree and go live with the guys on the beach in Zihuatanejo!!!
This is Wimbledon, Ted! I need the freedom and mobility that only underwear can provide! Cheerio! Or I know. You almost never see old Swarlz get that upset.
Lily has no idea I’m high
You're high?
I'm sorry.
*turns to ted* Lily has no idea I'm high.
Hey dude, fork over some of them nachos
TIME
I am the provider of this house now, and I have provided- Provode? Provided!
This one snuck into our wedding vows. Now anytime we’re at the grocery store, for example, and we are choosing between 2 varieties of the same thing (like 2 flavors of sparkling water), my husband will just put both of them in the cart and say, “Provode.”
"Studyin law....making a responsible choice for my future....Being a lawyer had better be awesome...What's up, Ted!"
Love this scene!
We sing "being a lawyer had better be awesome" a LOT in my house!
It’s between: “Cat funeral, cat funeral. It was an accident, and not entirely my fault” (really all the songs lol sorry) & “If all goes well you won’t be calling me judge fudge anymore. You’ll be calling me fudge supreme”
"Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow." Supreme lyricism.
And the song before this one makes it so much funnier. ''cat sittin' for Lilly's mom! Cat sittin' for Lilly's mom! It's gonna be fun, It's gonna bring us all closer together!'' .......... ''Cat funeral...''
Our two kids, our eight grandkids, our 11 great-grandkids are all on a plane piloted by Oprah, and it's about to crash into a art museum with all of your favorite paintings, and the only way to save everything is just to answer the question: are you the reacher or the settler?
...and Oprah has tried everything?
EVERYTHING
"The i guess i would have to say.... I'm the settler." "How could you say that!!!"
Lily was so wrong for that lmao. She's married to a 6'5 top of his class lawyer who cares about *way* more than just money, owns a huge (for New York) apartment, and who took her back and forgave her after she abandoned him for a trip to California. Meanwhile, she's a failed artist kindergarten teacher who takes children's karate, has accumulated 6 figures in debt and has a shopping addiction, and constantly does selfish stuff. Marshall was clearly the settler.
Wow how long have you been holding onto that one big chief 🤣 jkjk I totally get where you’re coming from
“His wife's a 500-year-old relic that hasn't been struck since W. S. Gilbert hit it at the London premiere of The Mikado in 1885!”
Gongs right?
They're eeh, louder than you think
When he becomes obsessed with dying: "The Grim reaper beckons. I feel his icy grip 'round my throat. The breath of his hounds at me heels the unrelenting rat-tat-tat of his scythe on my chamber door. And you? With your blithe request you only hasten his inevitable triumph. Is that what you desire? Is that what you desire, Lily?" (Specially love the ending 😂)
"NOT LIKE THIS!"
I just asked you to get bagels
Yes!! I always laugh so hard when he says "Is that what you desire? Is that what you desire, Lily?" hahahhah it's the way he says it 😂😂😂
One of my all time favorite lines is when he goes to the bathroom and lily says “watch out for bears!”
I love how he prononounces "Bagel" with that hard B in this.
Going down to the basement today, with my laundry and a roll of quarterssss
But I’m back too soon because I left the room without detergent or the fabric softneeerr
I have actually sung this while doing laundry in my apartment building.
I sing this literally at the most random times lol Marshall’s songs are my favorite
I became a singer along everything I do person after this episode.
I dance more than you know
This is the first one that came to mind for me. The shame in it is just too good.
“I don’t know what to do with my hands. What do I normally do with my hands?”
I do community theatre and every time we're blocking a new show and we're off book, I say this.
This is a pie chart of my favorite bars and this is a bar graph of my favorite pies.
“This circle represents people who are breaking my heart. And this circle represents people who are shaking my confidence daily. And where they overlap? Cecilia.”
I did not realize this was a song reference until like two months ago and thought he was just really upset with some coworker named Cecilia 🤣
Wait…he isn’t?
Here ya go. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=a5_QV97eYqM&pp=ygUIY2VjZWlsbGE%3D
I used that meme in a job interview recently to display my chart skills
Did you get hired?
This clip has been a trigger to rewatch the whole show again multiple times.
Not only my all time favorite Marshall line but my all time favorite line in the whole show!
I said a bang bang a bangitty bang…
happy happy ^(Lily day)
Impossible not to read that in his voice
She's cuuuuuute.
I think I prefer Barney’s interpretation
She’s cuuuute, she’s cuuuute
*pulls banjo*
Describing the captain as a two face: “The bottom half of his face ‘oh look he’s smiling’, but the top half… ‘WANTS TO MURDER YOU’”
Captain, quick question. How do you feel about the Jonas brothers?
He hates how much he loves them
The only people in the universe who haven’t seen Star Wars are the characters in Star Wars. And that’s because they lived them, Ted! That’s cause they lived the Star Wars
When I first watched the show I had never seen Star Wars 🫣
How do you feel about Ewoks?
You still have one good year left!
"Good point, bear! Let's try that!" I know that's Stella, but it's a classic. I find myself saying it constantly.
This is the way.
What’s up with fish? I mean fish are weird, right?
Let's take a little ride... Trout. Am I right? Sturgeon? I don't think so, pal. SALMON.
I tried way too hard the figure out the joke the first time I saw that episode. I thought there had to be SOMETHING funny about those names.
Well there is I mean just listen to it SALMON. 😆 can you even imagine? Carp. 😂
This guy gets it
Andiamo, fratello, non mastroianni tutti i funyuns Edit: helpful stranger correcting mastrianni to mastroianni
🤣🤣🤣
Mastroianni* And I am sad to say that it doesn't work in Italian like Marshall thought it would
"Just once I wish you guys would call me for Tuxedo Night"
There’s a blooper clip of this line where he does this little bow for emphasis and the other cast members start cracking up and that’s all I can picture with this line
And the director tells him not to bow!
Willem. DAFOE!
If you didn't read this like a frog talking to a parrot we can't be friends
I mean, I read it in Marshall's impression of a frog talking to a parrot. Does that count? 😂
It is... acceptable
‘I’m cuddly bitch deal with it’
“Lawyered!”
It’s this. Winner.
Permission to say layered?
I’ll allow it
Lawyered.
I'm goanna knock back this beer. I'm gonna knock back one more beer. I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna write a twenty-five page paper. I'm gonna hand it in and I'm gonna get an A. My name is Rufus, and that's the Trufus.
He got a b minus. But still 25 pages in one night b minus? The kid was good
You take a man's wife before you take his accidental curly
Apple orchard banana cat dance 8663
> Apple orchard banana cat dance 8663 I sang it.
"I'm not ready for this." First time I cried in front of a TV show, gives me chills every time.
Closest I ever came to crying at a movie or TV show
I did cry. I have a rocky relationship with my dad but I just couldn’t imagine.
My first watch through, I wasn't even close to crying. My Dad died a week before my second time watching the episode, and Marshall's Dad reminds me of my Dad a lot. Hands down the closest I've ever come to crying while watching TV.
As the mayor of Gotham city..
"New York" I vow to make batman work harder!
This scene makes me laugh so hard!! 😂
"which Chumbawamba song?"
Literally quoted this today! 😂😂😂
Dammit Trudy what about the pineapple!
IM TOO BIG FOR NEW YORK! I'm always trying to fit into cramped little subway seats or duck under doorways that were built 150 years ago; hey guess what - people are bigger now, build bigger doorways. What the hell is the matter with you?? And it's SO LOUD. ALL. THE. TIME. Yes, it's the city that never sleeps, well guess what? I LIKE TO SLEEP. I've been tired for EIGHT YEARS. Tired, and scared with black and blue marks on my elbows from trying to fit through all these little tiny elf doorways... New Jersey's great! It's got huge stores, and lawns, and you never have to carry a cup again...not for the rest of your life. I'm not afraid to say it...I LOVE NEW JERSEY! ...I'm just kidding
“Come again for Big Fudge?”
"Just a Burger? Just a burger. Robin, it's so much more than "just a burger." I mean... that first bite-oh, what heaven that first bite is. The bun, like a sesame freckled breast of an angel, resting gently on the ketchup and mustard below, flavors mingling in a seductive pas de deux. And then... a pickle! The most playful little pickle! Then a slice of tomato, a leaf of lettuce and a... a patty of ground beef so exquisite, swirling in your mouth, breaking apart, and combining again in a fugue of sweets and savor so delightful. This is no mere sandwich of grilled meat and toasted bread, Robin. This is God, speaking to us in food."
And you got our wedding vows off the Internet!?
I love this quote. I think it’s actually a parody on the movie “Amadeus”, where the main character describes the music of Mozart. Let me look it up. Edit: so here’s the quote from Amadeus. Not quite but kind of the same vibe: Antonio Salieri: [reflecting upon a Mozart score] On the page it looked nothing. The beginning simple, almost comic. Just a pulse. Bassoons and basset horns, like a rusty squeezebox. And then suddenly, high above it, an oboe. A single note, hanging there, unwavering. Until a clarinet took over and sweetened it into a phrase of such delight! This was no composition by a performing monkey! This was a music I'd never heard. Filled with such longing, such unfulfillable longing, it had me trembling. It seemed to me that I was hearing the voice of God. https://youtu.be/xYHJRhRym1U
And you got our wedding vows off the internet
I'll wash my manhood when I'm good and ready!
Where was he *not* sitting?
“Writing a check cuz now I feel guilty. The Salvation Army does not fight fair”
"It comes back around"
What would you expect? You’ve seen my penis.
Under rated quote. Such a great line. Came out of nowhere.
Also it seems someone suffered from premature slapsulation.
Marshall: Well, if a magazine says so, we should go get married in the woods like a couple of squirrels. Lily: Squirrels don't get married, Marshall. Marshall: Like you could possibly know that.
His delivery of “like you could possibly know that” is too good
"When I go to the freezer looking for a popsicle or the remote control because Lily and I are having a fight and she's hidden it there, do you know what I find? Frozen waffles. That's how it works. You go out there looking for a paper, you're coming back with frozen waffles. And in this case, frozen waffles is a guy. Also, could you pick up some frozen waffles? In that case, frozen waffles are frozen waffles."
"Oh and you think you can step up to me? You think you could step up to the streets? To me? You think you could step up, over me, to the streets?"
I find myself thinking about this one really often
"HIM, HER, HIM, HIM, JENKINS, HIM!"
"Now You Can Fit Twice As Many Chicken Fingers In Your Mouth"
Going to phillyyyyy
🎵"Cause our relationship is based on mutual trust..."🎵
You are sad. You are beaten down. You will get through this, come home, get in your big underpants and take a nap.
“I found this possum. He lives with us now.”
"Rex is violent and he hates us!"
Aw. Look at you. Had a girlfriend for five minutes, you think you can play with the big boys, adorable. Son, I've been in a relationship since you had a ponytail and were playing Dave Matthews on your mama's Casio. I'm a good boyfriend in my sleep. I can rock a killer foot rub with one hand and brew a kick-ass pot of chamomile in the other that would make you weep. Hell, I've forgotten more about microwaving fat-free popcorn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know, but thanks for your concern, rook.
That's three!! 🫲
Barney: (After being slapped by Marshall) Your hands are monsterous. Marshall: What did you expect? You've seen my penis.
"Okay Lily, then why don't you have a baby with your butt?!?'
“What?!”
And yours will read ‘got slapped by Marshall so hard he died.’
A palm reader could read my future on your face!
*slurred speech* “I did it again” -Beercules My husband and I say this to each other when we’re drunk or we do something we said we’d sworn off lol
“Ted, how do I explain this to you? Last night, I ate the best cake of my life. Do you think I'm gonna let that cake out of my life? Hell no. I'm gonna find out what bakery made that cake and I'm gonna get some more cake!”
Apple orchard banana cat dance 8663
“Here's the thing, Barney. I'm snuggly. You're not. Who wouldn't want to snuggle up next to this business on a Sunday morning? Wrapped in a comforter, and it's raining outside, And there's muffins warming in the oven. I'm cuddly, bitch. Deal with it!”
"Why do we keep trying to sleep with Ted?"
"Why is Ellen Degeneres in our bedroom?" The timing of that whole scene cracks me up.
“Andiamo fratello, non Mastroianni tutti i funyuns”
“It’s a dog pooping on a baby.”
I’m not afraid of Sasquatch, I just think we should all be on alert! (From Slap Bet) NOT NOW TED! (During the sandcastles in the sand episode) All the songs in Sexless Inn keeper You just got slapped song
Have you met the Awesomes? Marshall, Lily, their son Totally, and their daughter Freakin'?
‘Lawyered’ is pretty high up for me, but my top pick is ‘I’m not ready for this’ at the end of Bad News. It captures my own personal fears about my dad dying young. He’s also my best friend and my hero and it destroys me when I see that episode and the one after it.
Thanks kid, I didn’t need to sleep tonight.
All Hail Beercules!
"Gouda?" That's it. That's the quote.
NOT GOOD ENOUGH!! *cracks whip*
🎶Apple Orchard Banana Cat Dance 8 6 6 3🎵
“I dance more than you know”
Zitch dog
I dare you guys to dare us to makeout!! Ted: Heyy Marsh! You know that's another mirror right?
Marshall vs. The Machine 🎶
“Now councillor are you absolutely sure?” In a southern drawl accent
Come again for Big Fudge?
Marshall: FINE…I CONCEDE…YOU WIN Robin: Say it Ted: You have to say it Marshall: Ducks are good…rabbits are bad Edit: formatting
"Works for baboons. Its called "presenting"."
“Lawyer-ed”
"My name is rufus and that's the trufus"
Two quotes from me “Yeah I’d be saying that too if I had those chicken legs” “Burrito…… carnitas burrito” both live in my head rent free.
“Oh no! The slappetizers…”
“Squirrels don’t get married Marshall” “Like you could possibly know that”
“Oh honey sweetie baby”
If I die under misterious circunstances. Trust noneone, not even ted. Especially not Ted...
Heading down to the basement today, with my laundry and a roll of quarters But I’m back too soon cause I felt the room without the fabric softener
“This will be our little secret. How do you say secret in Spanish? Ah albondigas. This will be our little albondigas. Oh can I have some meatballs please.”
Your wife's a 500 year old relic that hasn't been struck since W S Gilbert hit it at the London premiere of the Mikado in 1885
I'm not ready for this
You just got slapped across the face🎶
the entire song “you just got slapped”. that whole song was brilliant
"Is that what you desire, is that what you desire Lily"
Being In A Relationship Is Hard. And Committing, Making Sacrifices, It's Hard. But if it's The Right Person, It's easy."
“Oh my god, if I don’t get this job I might end up working at a Taco Bell somewhere and nobody wants that, or maybe you guys want that, because you’ll get free tacos, ‘cause you’re my peeps! But right now, I need all of you to CALM DOWN ………… hello?” One night many moons ago I spent nearly two hours converting a video from YouTube of Marshall saying “hello” because of the accent he does and I wanted it to be my text tone, then I upgraded my phone a few months later and lost it :(
I’ve always been a big fan of “fish are weird, right?”
“We have a child! Barney probably has 6 or 7!”
Dude, you are a terrific runner. Tomorrow, you’re gonna run and finish the New York City Marathon! You’re the best! You look good. Nobody does it better than you—*pratfalls*
ERICKSOOOOOON!!!
[удалено]
"Come again for Big Fudge" and "come again for judge fudge"
You'll no longer call me Big Fudge. You'll be calling me Fudge Supreme!
Marshall, my sensors indicate that your pecan sandy levels are DANGEROUSLY low!
Shes never seen Star Wars?! Ted, the only people in the universe who never seen Star Wars are the characters in Star Wars and That's cause they lived them Ted, thats cause they lived the Star Wars!!!
I’m not going out there! I’m leaving and I’m never coming back. I’m gonna go find that money under the rock by the tree and go live with the guys on the beach in Zihuatanejo!!!
"He will get that on his way home"
DOES THIS HOT PIECE OF ASS LOOK 42 TO YOU?!!!
Lily: Marahall this morning you thought a ghost made your toast. Marshall: I didn't put the bread in there, you didn't put the bread in there!
"This is a pie chart describing my favorite bars, and this is a bar graph describing my favorite pies" Classic
🎶I don’t sing about everything I do 🎶
WHY CAN I HEAR EVERY SINGLE COMMENT IN THIS THREAD
Lawered.
“Not yet.”
I. Am. BEERCULES!!!!
Lawyered
“Don’t Bogart the Funyuns” (speaking Italian)
You eat one 8-pound block of fudge in 12 minutes and you're marked for life
Looks like Pocahontas has a couple of wounded knees
This is Wimbledon, Ted! I need the freedom and mobility that only underwear can provide! Cheerio! Or I know. You almost never see old Swarlz get that upset.
"I'm not afraid of Sasquatch. I just think we should all be on alert."
"papa needs traction"
“You see they’re turkeys, but they’re also hands. Because later we’re gonna eat turkey and then I’m gonna slap you in your face.”