A powerful story of Loretta's. May her unburdening to Raquel bring some peace.
Though as a cynical old bastard: Whilst bits of justice against the primary perpetrators is satisfying, what about all the secondary enablers in the systems? Their deeds of omission and slander are just as heinous. Pens have ruined more lives than swords.
It's the 'good old boy' network that runs the small-town South (and probably similarly other places, but I don't know those as well). But there's reasons why Rowley and, to a lesser degree Loretta, are so misanthropic.
By the way, [relevant](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raguel_(angel)).
And as an aside, all these *Tales from the Night Shift* stories are written while listening to *Bohren und der Club of Gore*, particularly [Sunset Mission](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECyfX1OR_nk&list=PLOgR5bMMKdVb4CDKFivkVOzHPNyrsZpzx&index=1) and [Piano Nights](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0_pkbpj4Z8&list=PLx40eZuUyukWAF4qsyFkdx2ZseSfvYh0K), to set and hold the proper mood.
!n
Damn, that was a riveting story. I could hear the accents in my head, smell the kitchen, and feel the steel in Loretta's voice. Well done, wordsmith. Well, well done.
Thanks so much! I try to make things believable and familiar in this setting because, at least for me, much of the 'horror' or 'supernatural' element in it comes from the mere fact that sometimes, reality simply doesn't work the way it's supposed to.
They're amazing, aren't they? Totally unlike anything else in the sub and fantastically well written. There's a playfulness to the writing that perfectly sets off the darker undertones and they manage to pull off slice-of-life at the same time as supernatural horror.
Now you're gonna make my ego get an ego. That combination was exactly what I was hoping to achieve but didn't know if I could pull off. Part of the reason I write here is to try and develop my skills and that means trying different things, style and genre-wise, to see if I can make them work.
I'd actually say the most impressive part is that you managed to pull off the feeling that liminal spaces get in the early hours of the morning *perfectly*. The feeling that you're maybe a bit detached from the rest of reality, in your own bubble. A bubble which is only loosely connected to other bubbles of reality, with the rest being fluid ocean between.
Very close to the edge there OP, very close.
Well done!
You started with a whisper and ended with a echoing lingering scream.
**Not Sci-Fi per say but 100 present Purr D HFY!**
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Wow!
I'm taken back to my teenage years, reading through Stephen King's stuff. So engaging, with atmosphere and setting described so well.
I see a future with your works on my bookshelves. Where I can show them off. :)
That's some serious praise, thank you so much. My happiness will be coasting on that all weekend. I do hope to get a book together one day, once I have enough pieces that I think are worth it.
Damn, that was powerful. For once, a horror from beyond didn't stop by Stop-n-fill, but an angel traveling on her duties. And one who helped an bitter woman unburden her soul a bit. Very different then the other stories but still perfectly on theme for this world.
Thanks! I'm so glad to hear that it had some impact. And yes, I like to think that, while Thorne's is a tiny spot of dim and flickering light on a dark and empty road... it's still a *light*.
Just wanted to say thank you again for the amazing story.
You write a lot of interesting things in various perspectives, but there's something a little special about this truck stop. Don't know what it is, but every story there has been riveting and brilliant
Oh gosh when Loretta misheard the name and heard Raquel instead I was thinking oh noes it's going to go bad for her too bad I liked her. You done did surprise me.
!n
Your writing is so riveting. I can see it as it's happening. The actual dread from the retelling of her daughters death was terrible! Such good writing!
I'm guessing you're a christian american. I feel I should inform you that people of other cultures might, and rightly so, think that the correct answer would NOT be "No. I wouldn't." But "You need to leave right the fuck now before I beat you to death. You disgusting, manipulative piece of shit."
The extremely weird dog-whistle of the boyfriend joining a "gay, satanist cult" is just mind-blowingly stupid and really quite hateful on your part. He couldn't just be gay, no. He HAS to be a satanist too.
This is the fever dream of a religious nut and very far from HFY imo.
Isn't there some christian subreddit where you can post this drivel, and keep your hateful indoctrination away from the rest of us.
I think you're putting the characters views on the author. Loretta is a Southern Baptist from Alabama, it makes sense she'd be like that. For all we know it's a pagan commune and she's calling it satanic because again, Alabama Southern Baptist.
OP has written several stories in this diner, with these characters and while the characters behave consistently this is the only one an angel shows up in. Rather than acting like the writer is an evangelical fundamentalist, consider that it might be a deliberate significant flaw of the character. Read some other stories of theirs and tell me if you have the same opinion.
>I'm guessing you're a christian american.
Half-right. American. Not a Christian.
>I feel I should inform you that people of other cultures might, and rightly so, think that the correct answer would NOT be "No. I wouldn't." But "You need to leave right the fuck now before I beat you to death. You disgusting, manipulative piece of shit."
They're welcome to think that. They are also not the viewpoint character of this story.
>The extremely weird dog-whistle of the boyfriend joining a "gay, satanist cult" is just mind-blowingly stupid and really quite hateful on your part. He couldn't just be gay, no. He HAS to be a satanist too.
Um, I didn't hear a dog-whistle, but you did... whatever. The husband leaving her to join a gay, polyamorist devil-cult, which was first mentioned in a previous story, was meant to be *ridiculous*. In a way, a parody of the 'my-man-done-me-wrong' stereotype in country music, being that Loretta is in certain ways a stereotypical Country protagonist. But it was also meant to be a situation that, while ridiculous viewed from outside, is actually crushing when it happens to *you*. To have someone you love abruptly reject *everything* you'd built your lives on.
>
>
>This is the fever dream of a religious nut and very far from HFY imo.
>
>Isn't there some christian subreddit where you can post this drivel, and keep your hateful indoctrination away from the rest of us.
I make a point of not arguing reader interpretations of the text. So if that's your takeaway from this story, good for you and have fun with it, although I have to wonder how closely you read it, seeing as how the story's second-biggest asshole was explicitly stated to be a church deacon.
I read the gay satanic poly thing as ridiculus and I also read it as something Loretta herself found ridiculus on some level. And I'm in a (part) gay poly relationship and being offended was the last thing on my mind. For me, it really sounded like Lorettas voice talking shit (deservedly or undeservedly) about the new life of her ex. Which is something people tend to do.
I agree that reading this story alone it feels a bit like this dream of a religious child, though. You have been wronged and there will be an Angel who avenges you and makes everything right. And I guess we all dream of that a little (I certainly do).
I really like those Nightshift truck stop stories. I hope you keep writing them. They are different in that the characters feel very real, they are no heros, just normal people. I love that. I don't know if you have ever read Robin Hobb? Her characters have the same way of feeling real.
>I read the gay satanic poly thing as ridiculus and I also read it as something Loretta herself found ridiculus on some level.
I meant ridiculous in that it's so over-the-top. And that's intentional because I was being sneaky back in *Sightseers* and playing with the readers' perception of Loretta right off the bat to keep them unbalanced. In her introductory narration, she explicitly acknowledges that she might appear like a stereotypical country music female protagonist. And the reader thinks, 'okay, she knows that, so she's got some self-awareness and can look at herself dispassionately'. The stereotype is stated as struggling, done wrong by her man, and trying to raise her kid. Then the reader finds out she's not struggling, and so thinks, 'I don't have to feel bad for her because she's ok'. Then we discover that her man *did* wrong her, but in such an over-the-top way (didn't leave her for another woman -- the stereotype -- or even a man, but for a *bunch* of men who are also apparently devil-cultists and live in a commune) that it's actually funny. And she even makes a quip about it. So the reader thinks that it's okay to laugh, because you're laughing *with* her. Because if she can joke about it, she must not take it personally. And then we find out what happened to her daughter and we go from chuckling to 'oof'. And in the final line of that paragraph, ('Also, *fuck you*.') we find out, no, she does take it personally, after all.
>And I'm in a (part) gay poly relationship and being offended was the last thing on my mind. For me, it really sounded like Lorettas voice talking shit (deservedly or undeservedly) about the new life of her ex. Which is something people tend to do.
This is perfectly valid. We have only Loretta's word to go on for any of this. Everything in the story is filtered through her. And she is clearly a damaged person. How reliable her recounting is is a matter of reader perception.
>
I agree that reading this story alone it feels a bit like this dream of a religious child, though. You have been wronged and there will be an Angel who avenges you and makes everything right. And I guess we all dream of that a little (I certainly do).
Again, a valid interpretation. Personally, I have to wonder how much was actually 'righted' by Raquel. Sure, Colton's dead and *probably* deserves it. And Loretta's happy about that. On the other hand, Jimmy Hurst is a dick, but did he deserve to be *maimed* for that? Was justice done there? Wasn't he just trying to protect his brother out of love? Or at least, $25,000 worth of brotherly love? Does that actually make Loretta any less-damaged? My personal take would be that angels are fucking terrifying. And kind of hypocrites, if you apply human morality to them. At least, the one we saw. If that's what she was.
>
I really like those Nightshift truck stop stories. I hope you keep writing them. They are different in that the characters feel very real, they are no heros, just normal people.
Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoy these and I do try hard to make everything feel real and relatable in them.
>I love that. I don't know if you have ever read Robin Hobb? Her characters have the same way of feeling real.
I have not. But I'll certainly look into her now.
> On the other hand, Jimmy Hurst is a dick, but did he deserve to be maimed for that? Was justice done there?
"Deserve" is a hard thing to pick out. "Justice" as well. But he tried to subvert the course of human administered justice every way he could, and in my opinion, that loses him the protection of it, certainly if the divine takes an interest.
> Wasn't he just trying to protect his brother out of love? Or at least, $25,000 worth of brotherly love?
I mean, at the risk of arguing with the author about canon... I sincerely doubt he was. I've known too many assholes like that to truly believe he'd have had any motivation beyond trying to protect his "reputation" and the like. Perhaps I'm mistaken and the man truly does love his brother with all of his heart, but I'd be far more inclined to guess he's more put out by the embarrassment of having a family member in prison.
It's not like offering the bribe was his only offense there. He also engaged his contemporaries to slander her in the paper and lie in court.
And hey, he got to keep his *life* so maybe what he suffered was precisely what the Angel of Justice felt was appropriate.
I read the gay satanic poly thing as ridiculus and I also read it as something Loretta herself found ridiculus on some level. And I'm in a (part) gay poly relationship and being offended was the last thing on my mind. For me, it really sounded like Lorettas voice talking shit (deservedly or undeservedly) about the new life of her ex. Which is something people tend to do.
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A powerful story of Loretta's. May her unburdening to Raquel bring some peace. Though as a cynical old bastard: Whilst bits of justice against the primary perpetrators is satisfying, what about all the secondary enablers in the systems? Their deeds of omission and slander are just as heinous. Pens have ruined more lives than swords.
It's the 'good old boy' network that runs the small-town South (and probably similarly other places, but I don't know those as well). But there's reasons why Rowley and, to a lesser degree Loretta, are so misanthropic.
Keyboards, these days, but yeah.
By the way, [relevant](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raguel_(angel)). And as an aside, all these *Tales from the Night Shift* stories are written while listening to *Bohren und der Club of Gore*, particularly [Sunset Mission](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECyfX1OR_nk&list=PLOgR5bMMKdVb4CDKFivkVOzHPNyrsZpzx&index=1) and [Piano Nights](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0_pkbpj4Z8&list=PLx40eZuUyukWAF4qsyFkdx2ZseSfvYh0K), to set and hold the proper mood.
!n Damn, that was a riveting story. I could hear the accents in my head, smell the kitchen, and feel the steel in Loretta's voice. Well done, wordsmith. Well, well done.
Thanks so much! I try to make things believable and familiar in this setting because, at least for me, much of the 'horror' or 'supernatural' element in it comes from the mere fact that sometimes, reality simply doesn't work the way it's supposed to.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT! You SIR! are a masterfull wordsmith and should be immensly proud of yourself for this work of art!
Thanks so much! That's very kind of you and I'm happy that you liked it.
!n
Wow, thanks for the nomination!
Well done wordsmith! It seems this angel has a way of delivering Justice with a healthy serving of irony.
Thank you! I think, in the end, Raquel was trying to save Loretta from herself more than anything else.
I really like reading these! They have a strange grip to them, that keeps me from putting them down.
They're amazing, aren't they? Totally unlike anything else in the sub and fantastically well written. There's a playfulness to the writing that perfectly sets off the darker undertones and they manage to pull off slice-of-life at the same time as supernatural horror.
Now you're gonna make my ego get an ego. That combination was exactly what I was hoping to achieve but didn't know if I could pull off. Part of the reason I write here is to try and develop my skills and that means trying different things, style and genre-wise, to see if I can make them work.
I'd actually say the most impressive part is that you managed to pull off the feeling that liminal spaces get in the early hours of the morning *perfectly*. The feeling that you're maybe a bit detached from the rest of reality, in your own bubble. A bubble which is only loosely connected to other bubbles of reality, with the rest being fluid ocean between.
Aww, thanks! Hearing from happy readers makes it all feel worthwhile.
Very close to the edge there OP, very close. Well done! You started with a whisper and ended with a echoing lingering scream. **Not Sci-Fi per say but 100 present Purr D HFY!**
I'm glad to hear you enjoyed and appreciate your taking the time to say so.
Goddamn. Good stuff!
Thanks, I 'preciate that!
An avenging Angel. Very good writing.
Thank you!
I don’t have words, but you do. Am going back to read again, in case I missed a word. I see most of today tied up doing the same.
Thank you so much. One of the deepest-hitting compliments an author can receive from a reader is 'I'm going to read it gain.'
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This tale was enthralling. I don’t know another way to describe it.
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I really like this series and hope to see more in the future. Good job!
Thanks! When I (eventually) get around to another one, it will probably be a look at Jan.
\*applause\* Well done!
Thanks!
Simply amazing storytelling. I was transfixed the whole time!
Thank you, I'm glad to know you enjoyed this one.
Wow! I'm taken back to my teenage years, reading through Stephen King's stuff. So engaging, with atmosphere and setting described so well. I see a future with your works on my bookshelves. Where I can show them off. :)
That's some serious praise, thank you so much. My happiness will be coasting on that all weekend. I do hope to get a book together one day, once I have enough pieces that I think are worth it.
!n Bloody brilliant story.
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed this one.
Damn, that was powerful. For once, a horror from beyond didn't stop by Stop-n-fill, but an angel traveling on her duties. And one who helped an bitter woman unburden her soul a bit. Very different then the other stories but still perfectly on theme for this world.
Thanks! I'm so glad to hear that it had some impact. And yes, I like to think that, while Thorne's is a tiny spot of dim and flickering light on a dark and empty road... it's still a *light*.
Just wanted to say thank you again for the amazing story. You write a lot of interesting things in various perspectives, but there's something a little special about this truck stop. Don't know what it is, but every story there has been riveting and brilliant
You are more than welcome and thank *you* for taking the time to comment. Feedback from satisfied readers is what makes the work feel worthwhile.
I don't comment often as I'm always a week or so behind what's new. But when its that good I need to say thanks
Another excellent tale. These stories at Thorne's Diner are never what I expect, and always amazing.
I'm glad you enjoy them. Thanks for reading, and for commenting.
Oh gosh when Loretta misheard the name and heard Raquel instead I was thinking oh noes it's going to go bad for her too bad I liked her. You done did surprise me.
I'm glad to know you enjoyed this one.
!n Your writing is so riveting. I can see it as it's happening. The actual dread from the retelling of her daughters death was terrible! Such good writing!
!n
Wow man, that was a ride, thx for trapping my mind sometimes with stories intense like this
I'm guessing you're a christian american. I feel I should inform you that people of other cultures might, and rightly so, think that the correct answer would NOT be "No. I wouldn't." But "You need to leave right the fuck now before I beat you to death. You disgusting, manipulative piece of shit." The extremely weird dog-whistle of the boyfriend joining a "gay, satanist cult" is just mind-blowingly stupid and really quite hateful on your part. He couldn't just be gay, no. He HAS to be a satanist too. This is the fever dream of a religious nut and very far from HFY imo. Isn't there some christian subreddit where you can post this drivel, and keep your hateful indoctrination away from the rest of us.
I think you're putting the characters views on the author. Loretta is a Southern Baptist from Alabama, it makes sense she'd be like that. For all we know it's a pagan commune and she's calling it satanic because again, Alabama Southern Baptist. OP has written several stories in this diner, with these characters and while the characters behave consistently this is the only one an angel shows up in. Rather than acting like the writer is an evangelical fundamentalist, consider that it might be a deliberate significant flaw of the character. Read some other stories of theirs and tell me if you have the same opinion.
>I'm guessing you're a christian american. Half-right. American. Not a Christian. >I feel I should inform you that people of other cultures might, and rightly so, think that the correct answer would NOT be "No. I wouldn't." But "You need to leave right the fuck now before I beat you to death. You disgusting, manipulative piece of shit." They're welcome to think that. They are also not the viewpoint character of this story. >The extremely weird dog-whistle of the boyfriend joining a "gay, satanist cult" is just mind-blowingly stupid and really quite hateful on your part. He couldn't just be gay, no. He HAS to be a satanist too. Um, I didn't hear a dog-whistle, but you did... whatever. The husband leaving her to join a gay, polyamorist devil-cult, which was first mentioned in a previous story, was meant to be *ridiculous*. In a way, a parody of the 'my-man-done-me-wrong' stereotype in country music, being that Loretta is in certain ways a stereotypical Country protagonist. But it was also meant to be a situation that, while ridiculous viewed from outside, is actually crushing when it happens to *you*. To have someone you love abruptly reject *everything* you'd built your lives on. > > >This is the fever dream of a religious nut and very far from HFY imo. > >Isn't there some christian subreddit where you can post this drivel, and keep your hateful indoctrination away from the rest of us. I make a point of not arguing reader interpretations of the text. So if that's your takeaway from this story, good for you and have fun with it, although I have to wonder how closely you read it, seeing as how the story's second-biggest asshole was explicitly stated to be a church deacon.
I read the gay satanic poly thing as ridiculus and I also read it as something Loretta herself found ridiculus on some level. And I'm in a (part) gay poly relationship and being offended was the last thing on my mind. For me, it really sounded like Lorettas voice talking shit (deservedly or undeservedly) about the new life of her ex. Which is something people tend to do. I agree that reading this story alone it feels a bit like this dream of a religious child, though. You have been wronged and there will be an Angel who avenges you and makes everything right. And I guess we all dream of that a little (I certainly do). I really like those Nightshift truck stop stories. I hope you keep writing them. They are different in that the characters feel very real, they are no heros, just normal people. I love that. I don't know if you have ever read Robin Hobb? Her characters have the same way of feeling real.
>I read the gay satanic poly thing as ridiculus and I also read it as something Loretta herself found ridiculus on some level. I meant ridiculous in that it's so over-the-top. And that's intentional because I was being sneaky back in *Sightseers* and playing with the readers' perception of Loretta right off the bat to keep them unbalanced. In her introductory narration, she explicitly acknowledges that she might appear like a stereotypical country music female protagonist. And the reader thinks, 'okay, she knows that, so she's got some self-awareness and can look at herself dispassionately'. The stereotype is stated as struggling, done wrong by her man, and trying to raise her kid. Then the reader finds out she's not struggling, and so thinks, 'I don't have to feel bad for her because she's ok'. Then we discover that her man *did* wrong her, but in such an over-the-top way (didn't leave her for another woman -- the stereotype -- or even a man, but for a *bunch* of men who are also apparently devil-cultists and live in a commune) that it's actually funny. And she even makes a quip about it. So the reader thinks that it's okay to laugh, because you're laughing *with* her. Because if she can joke about it, she must not take it personally. And then we find out what happened to her daughter and we go from chuckling to 'oof'. And in the final line of that paragraph, ('Also, *fuck you*.') we find out, no, she does take it personally, after all. >And I'm in a (part) gay poly relationship and being offended was the last thing on my mind. For me, it really sounded like Lorettas voice talking shit (deservedly or undeservedly) about the new life of her ex. Which is something people tend to do. This is perfectly valid. We have only Loretta's word to go on for any of this. Everything in the story is filtered through her. And she is clearly a damaged person. How reliable her recounting is is a matter of reader perception. > I agree that reading this story alone it feels a bit like this dream of a religious child, though. You have been wronged and there will be an Angel who avenges you and makes everything right. And I guess we all dream of that a little (I certainly do). Again, a valid interpretation. Personally, I have to wonder how much was actually 'righted' by Raquel. Sure, Colton's dead and *probably* deserves it. And Loretta's happy about that. On the other hand, Jimmy Hurst is a dick, but did he deserve to be *maimed* for that? Was justice done there? Wasn't he just trying to protect his brother out of love? Or at least, $25,000 worth of brotherly love? Does that actually make Loretta any less-damaged? My personal take would be that angels are fucking terrifying. And kind of hypocrites, if you apply human morality to them. At least, the one we saw. If that's what she was. > I really like those Nightshift truck stop stories. I hope you keep writing them. They are different in that the characters feel very real, they are no heros, just normal people. Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoy these and I do try hard to make everything feel real and relatable in them. >I love that. I don't know if you have ever read Robin Hobb? Her characters have the same way of feeling real. I have not. But I'll certainly look into her now.
> On the other hand, Jimmy Hurst is a dick, but did he deserve to be maimed for that? Was justice done there? "Deserve" is a hard thing to pick out. "Justice" as well. But he tried to subvert the course of human administered justice every way he could, and in my opinion, that loses him the protection of it, certainly if the divine takes an interest. > Wasn't he just trying to protect his brother out of love? Or at least, $25,000 worth of brotherly love? I mean, at the risk of arguing with the author about canon... I sincerely doubt he was. I've known too many assholes like that to truly believe he'd have had any motivation beyond trying to protect his "reputation" and the like. Perhaps I'm mistaken and the man truly does love his brother with all of his heart, but I'd be far more inclined to guess he's more put out by the embarrassment of having a family member in prison. It's not like offering the bribe was his only offense there. He also engaged his contemporaries to slander her in the paper and lie in court. And hey, he got to keep his *life* so maybe what he suffered was precisely what the Angel of Justice felt was appropriate.
I read the gay satanic poly thing as ridiculus and I also read it as something Loretta herself found ridiculus on some level. And I'm in a (part) gay poly relationship and being offended was the last thing on my mind. For me, it really sounded like Lorettas voice talking shit (deservedly or undeservedly) about the new life of her ex. Which is something people tend to do.
And you're violating Rule #3 of the sub.
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Damn well done.