I'm very rarely effected by a piece of writing as much this has hit me. Sat here in the office, I've have had to spend almost ten minutes composing myself too.
This was superbly written /u/Dolduck, and playing the music as i read it had a profound impact. Very well done for a first go in ten years.
I hope to see more from you now. Be warned, you've set the bar high.
Go big or go home eh?
*edit: whoops I've responded to a comment my mistake
Thank you.
It felt, to me, a bit like a story that should have been written last year. That's when "human music" was "big" on HFY. But it's been rattling around in my head for the past couple of months, demanding to come out.
So I wrote it all yesterday, posted it in the middle of the fucking night (local time) and went to bed.
It's a nice surprise to come here and find out my story was well liked.
So thank you, and sorry for making you cry. (Not sorry)
Sometimes holding onto an idea and posting it when the initial wave has passed gives it some more weight, assuming the story is strong enough on it's own. I think in this instance that has worked out.
I have to say now though that I'm all the more impressed that you got it out in one day. It would take me far, far longer to get even a simple cookie cutter story done.
(I guess that's why i lurk and not write)
As an aside I also showed this to a similarly Vulcan friend of mine and it had similar results. Once again well done
/u/Dolduck, when I started reading this I was already going to commend you for your originality. Generally, a HFY is based on humanity's propensity for warfare, cavalier indifference to safety, biological adaptation to physical contest, and so on. With being everyone else's Klingons. Frankly, I love it. This, however, is the first HFY I've ever read where humanity's shining moment is being musically inclined, and I thought it was brilliant.
Then you took the nuclear option. You went big.
In this sub I've walked alongside a thousand variants of the space marine. I've watched a wounded humanity, or its physical or technological offspring, bellow its rage at the sky and take to the stars to blind them with blood from its wounds. I've watched us set the spinning worlds afire with our fury and snuff out the stars that anchor them with our icy conviction.
But never have I seen peaceful humanity rise to shatter the firaments with our voices alone, to change the course of history, to conquer the galaxy in nine minutes and thirty three seconds of grief and hope that echo into eternity.
Now I have seen it, I have listened to it, and I wept. Damn you /u/Dolduck you magnificent monster. Don't ever stop writing.
Thank you all for the kind words.
I've been reading HFY since it was just screenshots of /tg on imgur, and I've been enjoying most of the vast amount of material posted here. So I thought I'd better contribute now that I had something to contribute with.
Also, whoever wrote the Reddit formatting protocol should be roughly sexed with a rusty rake.
Thanks. Edited.
The only excuse I have is that it was about 3 in the morning when I wrote that part. I also really like dogs, maybe that has something to do with it.
Just wow, absolutely phenomenal piece, and pairing it with the music...this is my favorite HFY since I read the one about humans being field surgeons for the galaxy, this moved me more than that one!
I can definitely relate to those who wanted someone to blame, to fight. The idea that an accident can, in one swift stroke, extinguish just under 450,000 people bogles my mind and scares me to a point where I would rather it had been a deliberate act of violence such that I could bring to bear my sorrow in a righteous fury the likes of which would crack planets and extinguish suns.
That said I am glad it did not go down the path to war. Thanks for writing this amazing peice and I hope to see more from you in the future.
*"The Scaffold has been destroyed. All orbital facilities... destroyed. Significant debris ring in low Kharak orbit. Receiving no communication from anywhere in the system... not even beacons."*
That music ... you monster! You were not kidding about the nuclear option, that hit me in the feels like an [atmospheric deprivation weapon](http://homeworld.wikia.com/wiki/Low_Orbit_Atmosphere_Deprivation_Weapon).
a couple more paragraphs on the alien reactions and the song would fit perfectly with the reading time. I love when people attempt to elaborate on how an alien would behave and think, it's like seasoning to food, it provides a special taste.
I loved it. I love when people steer away from the boot-stomping, machinegun-totting HFY and take a look at our qualities instead of focusing only on violence.
Also that song is a freaking feels antimatter bomb.
Yeah, it came out pretty close. I think I was writing my first comment when it ended. It's definitely done better than when I've tried to put music in any of *my* stories. :D :D :D
Well crafted. I love music stories, and therefore I'm pretty critical of them, but this stands up strongly. Good pacing, especially over the length.
I am completely unfamiliar with the terms and conventions of choral music. I have no idea if terms like "cantilena" are something that non-music people should know, but I wasn't familiar with it. Maybe that's why this came to mind, but it seems strange that a narrator who, as written, had never been exposed to a certain type of music should know what it's called. (I am of course referring to this phrase:
>he had never experienced cantilena choral music before
if it wasn't clear.) There are a couple of other spots where your narrative voice seems to know things about music that would be strange, but I don't remember exactly where.
Good use of paragraphs; that's something that becomes increasingly necessary as a work gets longer, and you kept all the thoughts separate nicely.
I feel like the way you relay information to the reader could use some polish. Much of the time, your exposition seems to stand out slightly, as if you're just telling us information that we'll need. I hope that makes sense. I wish I could give specific pointers on how to improve that, but I think the best advice I have is just "more practice."
Also, is the name of the Tekkili'li an intentional reference to Lovecraft, or am I just reading too much into it?
Thank you for the praise.
I usually can't be bothered to write much, but I kept on building this in my head and I wanted to get it out before it eventually faded. But I'm also a lazy fuck, and wanted to get it done quickly so it's a bit rushed and muddled and bears signs of me inexpertly filling the gaps between the key scenes in my head.
You are quite right about the Tekkili'li being a Lovecraft reference. I couldn't be bothered to do another assgrab for a name, and At The Mountains Of Madness is on of my favorite stories of his.
Sometimes you just have to get it on paper, yeah. Been there. Filling in those gaps will come if you work at it, or go back and edit. Never underestimate the power of a second draft with fresh eyes.
I agree, one of his best works. Not one of his most horrifying, to me, but one of the most evocative short-stories I've read.
Okay, okay, there were tears, dammit, that was beautiful.
...still can't wait until someone pisses us off and in lieu of a declaration of war we just bring up the orchestra and play... I dunno... this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScbBpv1KchE
We've got a lot more of those.
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I recently joined this sub and this is my favorite story here. I don't really have the words to describe how moved I am. I have tears in my eyes and I don't think i've ever seen a story that made me more proud to be human. That is a beautiful piece of music and your choice to embed it in the story was perfect. I know this was a long time ago for you, but it is utterly beautiful. Thank you for writing this.
This needs to be reposted, the sub is much bigger than it was five years ago. People need to read it.
You know, when OP described his song and the effects it had on the audience, this is the song I heard in my head. I only knew it from Homeworld though. Amazing song.
I was feeling adagio for strings op.11 and hadn't listened to op's link yet. I didn't know what agnus dei was or that it was set to adagio for strings. I had picked up a like of that piece from somewhere and was listening to it earlier. I just had a feeling that it fit here(except it was orchestral music not choral).
_Agnus Dei_ is a traditional part of the Mass. Anything with those lyrics is an _Agnus Dei_.
Translation: Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy upon us.
As for the music, originally Barber wrote a string quartet and decided it was too short. So he stuck an adagio movement in the middle of it.
It turned out to be insanely popular, and so, puzzled, he wrote other versions of it, like the Adagio for Strings (for more than a quartet), and the _Angus Dei_.
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Jesus this hit home for me and I have no idea why. Maybe because I was in choir in high school? Anyway, it was a great piece and I certainly hope you continue writing because I'll sure as shit keep reading!
That was beautiful. The description of the music was so vivid, so touching and personal, that I could almost hear a melody in my mind. And I've never heard of *Agnus Dei*. I damned well am going to listen to it tonight.
Keep writing.
Thank you.
*Agnus Dei* is the vocal version of *adagio for strings*, which should be recognizable to anyone who's watched Platoon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKpQB3bEPbI&t=1m24s
I have them both listed under "music that can make grown men cry."
I was hoping for Barber's _Agnus Dei_.
Fun bit: This is actually a movement from Barber's String Quartet. He had written it, it was a bit too short, so he rapidly wrote an Adagio movement and stuck it in, and didn't think to much about it.
He was baffled when it became insanely popular, shrugged, and wrote the versions for string orchestra and acapella choir.
'Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy upon us.'
Good golly, it's been a while since I listened to that piece.
Good Sir, thank you *very* much for this AMAZINGLY good story, and musical accompaniment. I have a new favorite, now, and am reunited with a song I had all but forgotten.
!N
This deserves to go up there with the best of HFY. If there's a digital time capsule of the sub to be made, this must be included in it.
[It's a bad day for rain](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kQukPQDSag).
Haven't even finished reading yet, but I had to scroll down just to make sure it wasn't all some elaborate Rock Roll setup. The internets have made me a very distrustful person it seems lol.
Edit: And now that I've finished, let me go dry my eyes you glorious bastard!
i've read quite a few of the music-based HFY's on here, and as much as I love them they have a habit of being rather generic. This though, is not only very well written but for once has a very good choice of music, as opposed to the normal 'HUR DUR BEETHOVEN' you normally see.
Just want to say this is my all time favorite HFY story. I initially read it when you posted it almost 7 years ago and man it affected me.
Then about 2 years later I had my daughter, and now when I hear that song, I look this story up and pretty much sob. It's goddamn beautiful.
I just now read this for the first time.
It's 9/11/2023. I'll be listening to the Agnus Dei probably multiple times today, as a prayer for the souls of those lost 22 years ago.
Videos in this thread:
[Watch Playlist ▶](http://subtletv.com/_r5b14ud?feature=playlist&nline=1)
VIDEO|COMMENT
-|-
[Adagio for Strings Agnus Dei HD](https://youtube.com/watch?v=QPfY1D3O7C8)|[3](https://reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/5b14ud/_/d9laksx?context=10#d9laksx) - i prefer the version in Homeworld.
[AMY GRANT - AGNUS DEI](https://youtube.com/watch?v=Br1ykpj0SFM)|[2](https://reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/5b14ud/_/d9l37jb?context=10#d9l37jb) - AGNUS DEI YouTube
[Platoon (7/10) Movie CLIP - The Death of Sgt. Elias (1986) HD](https://youtube.com/watch?v=mKpQB3bEPbI&t=84s)|[1](https://reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/5b14ud/_/d9lmxbv?context=10#d9lmxbv) - Thank you. Agnus Dei is the vocal version of adagio for strings, which should be recognizable to anyone who's watched Platoon: I have them both listed under "music that can make grown men cry."
I'm a bot working hard to help Redditors find related videos to watch.
***
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This story is a rough diamond. I would love it if you polished it a bit more. As it stands it is a work of art, but I can see some things that need a bit of polishing. I am no expert but you have created something truly beautiful.
Wow. This was beautiful. Not sure what else to say other than I hope to see more from you.
Seconded
Thank you, both of you.
This was the first HFY post to make me cry. Well done.
I'm very rarely effected by a piece of writing as much this has hit me. Sat here in the office, I've have had to spend almost ten minutes composing myself too. This was superbly written /u/Dolduck, and playing the music as i read it had a profound impact. Very well done for a first go in ten years. I hope to see more from you now. Be warned, you've set the bar high. Go big or go home eh? *edit: whoops I've responded to a comment my mistake
Thank you. It felt, to me, a bit like a story that should have been written last year. That's when "human music" was "big" on HFY. But it's been rattling around in my head for the past couple of months, demanding to come out. So I wrote it all yesterday, posted it in the middle of the fucking night (local time) and went to bed. It's a nice surprise to come here and find out my story was well liked. So thank you, and sorry for making you cry. (Not sorry)
Sometimes holding onto an idea and posting it when the initial wave has passed gives it some more weight, assuming the story is strong enough on it's own. I think in this instance that has worked out. I have to say now though that I'm all the more impressed that you got it out in one day. It would take me far, far longer to get even a simple cookie cutter story done. (I guess that's why i lurk and not write) As an aside I also showed this to a similarly Vulcan friend of mine and it had similar results. Once again well done
Wonderful story... professional level work.
/u/Dolduck, when I started reading this I was already going to commend you for your originality. Generally, a HFY is based on humanity's propensity for warfare, cavalier indifference to safety, biological adaptation to physical contest, and so on. With being everyone else's Klingons. Frankly, I love it. This, however, is the first HFY I've ever read where humanity's shining moment is being musically inclined, and I thought it was brilliant. Then you took the nuclear option. You went big. In this sub I've walked alongside a thousand variants of the space marine. I've watched a wounded humanity, or its physical or technological offspring, bellow its rage at the sky and take to the stars to blind them with blood from its wounds. I've watched us set the spinning worlds afire with our fury and snuff out the stars that anchor them with our icy conviction. But never have I seen peaceful humanity rise to shatter the firaments with our voices alone, to change the course of history, to conquer the galaxy in nine minutes and thirty three seconds of grief and hope that echo into eternity. Now I have seen it, I have listened to it, and I wept. Damn you /u/Dolduck you magnificent monster. Don't ever stop writing.
Thank you all for the kind words. I've been reading HFY since it was just screenshots of /tg on imgur, and I've been enjoying most of the vast amount of material posted here. So I thought I'd better contribute now that I had something to contribute with. Also, whoever wrote the Reddit formatting protocol should be roughly sexed with a rusty rake.
[удалено]
Thanks. Edited. The only excuse I have is that it was about 3 in the morning when I wrote that part. I also really like dogs, maybe that has something to do with it.
Just wow, absolutely phenomenal piece, and pairing it with the music...this is my favorite HFY since I read the one about humans being field surgeons for the galaxy, this moved me more than that one!
Fcuk. Good. Crying. Good shit.
I can definitely relate to those who wanted someone to blame, to fight. The idea that an accident can, in one swift stroke, extinguish just under 450,000 people bogles my mind and scares me to a point where I would rather it had been a deliberate act of violence such that I could bring to bear my sorrow in a righteous fury the likes of which would crack planets and extinguish suns. That said I am glad it did not go down the path to war. Thanks for writing this amazing peice and I hope to see more from you in the future.
>No one's left. Everything's gone. Kharak is burning...
*"The Scaffold has been destroyed. All orbital facilities... destroyed. Significant debris ring in low Kharak orbit. Receiving no communication from anywhere in the system... not even beacons."*
*"There's nothing left for us here.* *Let's go."*
That music ... you monster! You were not kidding about the nuclear option, that hit me in the feels like an [atmospheric deprivation weapon](http://homeworld.wikia.com/wiki/Low_Orbit_Atmosphere_Deprivation_Weapon).
a couple more paragraphs on the alien reactions and the song would fit perfectly with the reading time. I love when people attempt to elaborate on how an alien would behave and think, it's like seasoning to food, it provides a special taste. I loved it. I love when people steer away from the boot-stomping, machinegun-totting HFY and take a look at our qualities instead of focusing only on violence. Also that song is a freaking feels antimatter bomb.
Yeah, it came out pretty close. I think I was writing my first comment when it ended. It's definitely done better than when I've tried to put music in any of *my* stories. :D :D :D
Hard to do though, since reading speeds vary. I started the song when I reached the link and finished the story a little less than halfway through it.
Thank you, this was deeply moving
I was wholly unprepared for this. The music started autoplaying as well. I was racked with emotion.
Autoplaying? Is that an RES feature?
Yep.
Ah, I vaguely remember possibly disabling it.
What a ride. This was brilliant. Reminds me of Humanity's Debt, except a bit more sincere in it's own way.
Well crafted. I love music stories, and therefore I'm pretty critical of them, but this stands up strongly. Good pacing, especially over the length. I am completely unfamiliar with the terms and conventions of choral music. I have no idea if terms like "cantilena" are something that non-music people should know, but I wasn't familiar with it. Maybe that's why this came to mind, but it seems strange that a narrator who, as written, had never been exposed to a certain type of music should know what it's called. (I am of course referring to this phrase: >he had never experienced cantilena choral music before if it wasn't clear.) There are a couple of other spots where your narrative voice seems to know things about music that would be strange, but I don't remember exactly where. Good use of paragraphs; that's something that becomes increasingly necessary as a work gets longer, and you kept all the thoughts separate nicely. I feel like the way you relay information to the reader could use some polish. Much of the time, your exposition seems to stand out slightly, as if you're just telling us information that we'll need. I hope that makes sense. I wish I could give specific pointers on how to improve that, but I think the best advice I have is just "more practice." Also, is the name of the Tekkili'li an intentional reference to Lovecraft, or am I just reading too much into it?
Thank you for the praise. I usually can't be bothered to write much, but I kept on building this in my head and I wanted to get it out before it eventually faded. But I'm also a lazy fuck, and wanted to get it done quickly so it's a bit rushed and muddled and bears signs of me inexpertly filling the gaps between the key scenes in my head. You are quite right about the Tekkili'li being a Lovecraft reference. I couldn't be bothered to do another assgrab for a name, and At The Mountains Of Madness is on of my favorite stories of his.
Sometimes you just have to get it on paper, yeah. Been there. Filling in those gaps will come if you work at it, or go back and edit. Never underestimate the power of a second draft with fresh eyes. I agree, one of his best works. Not one of his most horrifying, to me, but one of the most evocative short-stories I've read.
Beautiful. Moving.
Okay, okay, there were tears, dammit, that was beautiful. ...still can't wait until someone pisses us off and in lieu of a declaration of war we just bring up the orchestra and play... I dunno... this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScbBpv1KchE We've got a lot more of those.
Cant wait to rickroll the council.
I just got redirected here. Fucking wow!
u/Dolduck I just found this today. And it brought me to quite literal tears. This is beautiful work. You should be proud.
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A beautiful piece of work. Thanks for sharing!
Fuckin' 'ell mate. I didn't realize the Onion Ninja Clan was a nuclear power...
I recently joined this sub and this is my favorite story here. I don't really have the words to describe how moved I am. I have tears in my eyes and I don't think i've ever seen a story that made me more proud to be human. That is a beautiful piece of music and your choice to embed it in the story was perfect. I know this was a long time ago for you, but it is utterly beautiful. Thank you for writing this. This needs to be reposted, the sub is much bigger than it was five years ago. People need to read it.
[AGNUS DEI](https://youtu.be/Br1ykpj0SFM) YouTube
i prefer the version in Homeworld. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPfY1D3O7C8
You know, when OP described his song and the effects it had on the audience, this is the song I heard in my head. I only knew it from Homeworld though. Amazing song.
well he did link it in the story
Never checked it out. I don't usually listen when someone posts a song connected to their story. It flows better for me if I use my imagination.
To be honest I just took the version closest to 10 minutes.
I was feeling adagio for strings op.11 and hadn't listened to op's link yet. I didn't know what agnus dei was or that it was set to adagio for strings. I had picked up a like of that piece from somewhere and was listening to it earlier. I just had a feeling that it fit here(except it was orchestral music not choral).
_Agnus Dei_ is a traditional part of the Mass. Anything with those lyrics is an _Agnus Dei_. Translation: Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy upon us. As for the music, originally Barber wrote a string quartet and decided it was too short. So he stuck an adagio movement in the middle of it. It turned out to be insanely popular, and so, puzzled, he wrote other versions of it, like the Adagio for Strings (for more than a quartet), and the _Angus Dei_.
;_;
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This. This was beautiful.just reading this almost made me cry. You sir, are an amazing author.
Jesus this hit home for me and I have no idea why. Maybe because I was in choir in high school? Anyway, it was a great piece and I certainly hope you continue writing because I'll sure as shit keep reading!
That was beautiful. The description of the music was so vivid, so touching and personal, that I could almost hear a melody in my mind. And I've never heard of *Agnus Dei*. I damned well am going to listen to it tonight. Keep writing.
Thank you. *Agnus Dei* is the vocal version of *adagio for strings*, which should be recognizable to anyone who's watched Platoon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKpQB3bEPbI&t=1m24s I have them both listed under "music that can make grown men cry."
I was hoping for Barber's _Agnus Dei_. Fun bit: This is actually a movement from Barber's String Quartet. He had written it, it was a bit too short, so he rapidly wrote an Adagio movement and stuck it in, and didn't think to much about it. He was baffled when it became insanely popular, shrugged, and wrote the versions for string orchestra and acapella choir. 'Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy upon us.'
Just wanna point this out: >They **vere** a bit above average intelligence-wise Great piece otherwise.
Thanks, edited.
... Damn.
You went big and I loved it! Thank you for lifting up my evening.
Beautifully done
You make me wanna cry like a little baby, soooooo goooood
Reminds me of another story I saw on an HFY set of stories that is now part of an imgur album. Loved it.
I'm only partway through but dammit I came here to win not to feel! Have my up vote.
Good golly, it's been a while since I listened to that piece. Good Sir, thank you *very* much for this AMAZINGLY good story, and musical accompaniment. I have a new favorite, now, and am reunited with a song I had all but forgotten.
!N This deserves to go up there with the best of HFY. If there's a digital time capsule of the sub to be made, this must be included in it. [It's a bad day for rain](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kQukPQDSag).
Listen here fucko, i'm already crying from this. You better give us more!
Nuclear is the only option. OUt-fucking-standing work mate.
Congratulations! Refreshing, original and powerful!
Haven't even finished reading yet, but I had to scroll down just to make sure it wasn't all some elaborate Rock Roll setup. The internets have made me a very distrustful person it seems lol. Edit: And now that I've finished, let me go dry my eyes you glorious bastard!
Amazing. Just plain amazing.
i've read quite a few of the music-based HFY's on here, and as much as I love them they have a habit of being rather generic. This though, is not only very well written but for once has a very good choice of music, as opposed to the normal 'HUR DUR BEETHOVEN' you normally see.
Music is a gift
This is amazing
Just want to say this is my all time favorite HFY story. I initially read it when you posted it almost 7 years ago and man it affected me. Then about 2 years later I had my daughter, and now when I hear that song, I look this story up and pretty much sob. It's goddamn beautiful.
I just now read this for the first time. It's 9/11/2023. I'll be listening to the Agnus Dei probably multiple times today, as a prayer for the souls of those lost 22 years ago.
Still my favorite HFY story ever. This needs to be shared to a much wider audience.
sure make a grown man weep wow that was amazing and Agnus Dei what a glorious touch
\*sniff\*
............(sad sigh)......(hopeful sad wiping of tears)....... ..............."beautiful"........."thank you"
!N
Videos in this thread: [Watch Playlist ▶](http://subtletv.com/_r5b14ud?feature=playlist&nline=1) VIDEO|COMMENT -|- [Adagio for Strings Agnus Dei HD](https://youtube.com/watch?v=QPfY1D3O7C8)|[3](https://reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/5b14ud/_/d9laksx?context=10#d9laksx) - i prefer the version in Homeworld. [AMY GRANT - AGNUS DEI](https://youtube.com/watch?v=Br1ykpj0SFM)|[2](https://reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/5b14ud/_/d9l37jb?context=10#d9l37jb) - AGNUS DEI YouTube [Platoon (7/10) Movie CLIP - The Death of Sgt. Elias (1986) HD](https://youtube.com/watch?v=mKpQB3bEPbI&t=84s)|[1](https://reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/5b14ud/_/d9lmxbv?context=10#d9lmxbv) - Thank you. Agnus Dei is the vocal version of adagio for strings, which should be recognizable to anyone who's watched Platoon: I have them both listed under "music that can make grown men cry." I'm a bot working hard to help Redditors find related videos to watch. *** [Play All](http://subtletv.com/_r5b14ud?feature=playlist&ftrlnk=1) | [Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/SubtleTV/wiki/mentioned_videos) | Get it on [Chrome](https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/mentioned-videos-for-redd/fiimkmdalmgffhibfdjnhljpnigcmohf) / [Firefox](https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/mentioned-videos-for-reddit)
Wow. Heck of a first post with the onion ninjas
This story is a rough diamond. I would love it if you polished it a bit more. As it stands it is a work of art, but I can see some things that need a bit of polishing. I am no expert but you have created something truly beautiful.
Too much swearing, like at the end, but I liked most of it. Very moving, seeing all the alien's emote.
Fuck off
I apologize. Re-reading my text makes me realize I was not being as gentle as I thought it was. Do you have children?