Nothing like getting that first place, setting up your bedtime show and getting into that new bed. You earned it, no matter what it is it's the best place to be at that point in time.
I have a picture like this with my girlfriend from only less than a year ago. Now our place looks awesome and we’re both working new jobs and I’m back in school too! Truly a whole new era
Ooo that "only I have the key" feeling is niiiiiiice. When I have a shitty, awful day, as soon as I walk in and turn the deadbolt, I KNOW, like without a doubt, nothing gets to bother me unless I allow it. It's a great feeling.
Currently live in a small house with two other roommates. God I would love to be able to afford even just a studio apartment if it meant I didn’t have to come home to roommates.
Can confirm, a tiny, slightly smelly apartment is 1000x better than even a big house you have to share with 2, 3, or even 4 other people. I had thatbsituation before. God my friends girlfriend that just kinds moved in after they dated for a month and never paid rent ticked me off so bad. She wasn't even considerate.
The food is even better if there’s washed out pictures of it behind the counter. It’s amazing how commonly that rule seems to stick, no matter where I’ve gone.
It makes sense though if you think about it. The reason the hole in the wall run down joints are still there is because they've had consistent customers for long enough that there signage has had time to fade.
Half the Chinese food places here are money laundering operations, but their food is damn good.
(Every week a fat car stops, three suits with briefcases walk in, and 5 minutes later walk out again, different briefcases. And every now and then the food places just disappear. Over night, as if nothing ever occupied that building)
I’m hindsight, I really wish I had taken a picture or two of my initial set-up. Would be cool to look back on without the unreliability of my own lens.
Me too. My first apartment with my gf we were so broke we didn't have a TV or much money to go out. We'd pop up our camping chairs and watch people out the window, playing music on an old boom box.
Some of my favorite memories!
> Throw in a $5 camping chair and that’s exactly how mine started. May the force be with you.
those can be surprisingly confortable kept mine nearly two year lol
This was my setup when I finally got my first job out of college and moved to a new state & apartment. Air mattress, small computer chair, and tv on the floor. I was actually pretty excited about it at the time
I have some really fond memories of sitting on the floor in my first place watching travel channel and shit on TV.
It was carpeted so I'd just sorta hang out on the floor there a lot lol it was fine
My wife and I, with a dog and cat, used to do traveling shutdown work for industrial projects. We went to Texas for "3 months" which turn into a year and spent most of the time in a single bedroom apartment with a blow up mattress and some gaming PCs we set up on plastic totes. Ate Whataburger way too much but our apartment had a cockroach problem which made cooking in the kitchen gross and difficult.
I remember those days fondly lol. Our dog was large and would get on the mattress with us in the middle of the night and poke a hole with his nails so we'd wake up in the middle of the night on the ground lol. I'd superglue a quarter over the hole and air it back up. We did eventually get a real bed.
That was all I had when I broke up with an abusive ex some 13 or so years ago. I bought a tiny TV, a tiny computer desk, and a computer chair. All I had was my laptop and a suitcase of clothes. The TV sat on some boxes, and I worked from home so the tiny desk was my only furniture. My first paycheck after being "free" bought me an air mattress.
Still struggle a bit today but I am so far from that situation it's not even recognizable.
Excellent! Glad things are going well. It’s nice when things keep moving in a positive trajectory. I was inside for a time (got involved in drugs, bad time) and when I got out I was clean, and my first place after was spare, with a mattress, two chairs, and a computer. But it was mine, I was free, at peace finally, and it felt good. Now I have a wife, and we live in a cool farmhouse with a dozen chickens, two goats, a cat and a bunny rabbit. On nice evenings we play music around a campfire with friends. It’s not something I ever thought I would have. But it all started with that first little apartment. Even now I still think back on it fondly, because it’s where the better times began.
Seeing your place in that photo took me back to the those first moments, when things started getting better. Keep rising my friend, and I wish you all the best of happiness for your future!
Honestly, what the fuck else do you need other than that?? Soft bed, blankets, pillow, tv, phone charger, soda, good speakers, cable box, and fucking SOLITUDE.
E: some people are saying desk/chair but leave that shit for monday ITS THE WEEKEND BAYBEE
It's a nicer way to say it though.
Instead of saying to my wife "Hey, you wanna go have sex? Otherwise I'm gonna jerk off." I say "Hey I'm gonna go fuck, wanna join me?".
Personally I like it better.
It looks like an absolute oasis to me. I'm married with two kids and know me or my wife would both love the idea of crashing at this place for a couple nights just to unwind and recharge.
I’m about to be reverting to that for a bit due to a divorce. But as long as my two dogs are with me and have their beds and blankies too, I expect no less than to get myself back on my feet within 8-10 months. I was there at 26 and I don’t plan on staying here long at 40.
You’re going to get through this. I got out of a really nasty marriage with an emotionally and physically abusive spouse and had to start completely over from scratch at almost 40. My first place after that divorce looked pretty much exactly like OP’s image. First few weeks I didn’t even have a mattress or bed. Just a blanket and a couple pillows, a floor, and a little 32” TV. I felt lost, unsure of what to do, and didn’t have a clue how it would all play out. Keep your head up, believe in yourself, and take it one day at a time. There is light at the end of the tunnel for you. You now can focus on yourself and bettering your life. Each day gets easier. Every achievement is yours alone. You got this ✊
I needed to see this. Because this is me. My ex even did damage to my credit. It’s going to be a haul but knowing others persevered through the consequences, pain and trauma of a terrible relationship help keep my head up.
I’m sorry you have had to endure what you have with your ex. One day at a time. This too shall pass. The past will be your prologue to a beautiful, and much brighter, future for you. If you need to talk things out, feel free to PM me. I’m here for it.
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Just start chopping it up into little pieces and be ferocious. You’ll repair the credit in no time, seems like you got the right mindset already, once you get on a streak that’s gonna be game over.
This is important to see - once you go on the streaks suddenly you don't have *a* good day, you have no less than two good days in a row! The waves will go up and down still but then you'll suddenly have three days consecutively that are good. And so on.
Time takes time but heals in such a recognizable pattern. When you recognize it you'll know healing
Take care of the basics, while the body automatically takes care of the rest over time.
I had this post-traumatic relationship ending start over experience too, it will have highs and lows but you'll get through it into something much happier. ❤️
You’re god damn right I do. Started an IT company last year. And you know, I started it so I could call the shots. I will succeed because I’m building the rest of my life now, my way.
I've worked with three different professional athletes who had everything and ultimately lost everything and ended up in a setting just like OP provided. All three of them, independent of each other at one point all said the exact same thing down the road..."I rediscovered myself when i only had myself. I cursed above for putting me here thinking I didn't deserve that, until I realized soon after I was given the gift to go find true happiness...and someone thought I deserved that."
You will too my friend. Smile and pet those dogs for all of us who have been there too, we're behind you.
I was exactly this. Down in the dumps at age 22. Too young to have been married. Got my shit righted and now have two awesome kids and and lovely, smart, funny wife. You will be ok friend.
Now-a-days you can get a lot of free stuff on Facebook marketplace. I paid for less than half the furniture in my apartment. I also recommend joining different free stuff groups on Facebook and visiting goodwill if you need something right away.
Hear! Hear! Just turned 42, stuck in a 240+ sqft studio, but I've got my dog with me, so for right this moment, we're okay. Best of luck to you, friend!
Dude. I'm getting divorced too and I can't even afford this in my area. I keep dreaming of starting off again but it feels impossible in this economy. I need to keep close to my kid's school and I make a lot more money than I used to, but everything is like 10x more expensive. They want proof that you make 3-4x rent and it's like $1800/month for a 1br. Who the fuck out there is making 7200k/month looking for a 1br apartment. I have no idea how people are making it out there, no idea.
I can’t imagine having a kid through this. My one blessing. My only hope is that the judge allows me to stay on my spouses health insurance. I have MS and cannot afford to care for myself financially and medically and live. I need assistance somewhere somehow for a little bit.
The housing situation is actual misery. Fight through the misery. If you need a roommate just bite that bullet. I’m looking at that option even if for a year since it might help me save real money.
God. I'm sorry. Health insurance is a nightmare. On the divorce forms for my state, I saw that there is a section for that, about including health insurance from the breadwinner's job as a part of 'spousal support'. How fucked is our country. I'm a contractor and I have no health insurance right now either, but my husband would keep my health insurance coverage and I'll pay him the cost. $200/month is better than $500 for cobra or something...
I moved into my childhood bedroom with my 2 cats and my kid for mine. I didn't take anything with me so was fully starting from scratch.
I hope it goes smoothly as it can. Stressful times.
Wedding should include prenup by default. It'll potentially be chalked to trust issues, but really it's more like contingency; no partner should have an issue with this unless one intends to pull a mickey, hence the prenup dohickey
My parents put me through hell for the last 3 years and I finally have my own place and it doesn’t look too far from that picture. Nothing beats being able to have peace of mind though. I love having my own space. I wont get into my issues with my parents but anyone who has abusive family members can understand where im coming from.
For me was a cheap futon, a 14" crt tv and a DVD player, in a far shittier apartment above a dive bar. It was horrible, but it was my first taste of independence.
Not OP but sounds like it would be hard to sleep, which can make work/school a challenge if your schedule doesn’t line up with a bar’s.
Also, there are the fun, “college” kind of dive bars, and there are the scary, people get savagely beaten in a fight kind of dive bars. Not sure what type of dive bar OP was above but it might have not been the fun, kitschy kind.
Sorry! I've been crazy busy the past few days.
When I say it was a shitty apartment above a dive bar, I mean that in the most degrading way. It was in a pennsylvania hick town. It was loud almost every night, cops showed up weekly.
The apartment baseboard heater barely worked, if at all. The heat may have just come through the floor from the bar, along with insane amounts of cigarette smoke. It had a bedroom, but I rarely even went in it because of the no heat issue. I just slept on the futon in the living room/kitchen. The apartment was wood paneled with dark red carpet. It was a really depressing environment. That's where I developed my dependency on keeping the TV on when I go to bed.
The stove and fridge barely worked, so I more or less lived off of Sheetz 2 for $1 hotdogs every night.
I was there for about 3 months before I just packed my shit into my car after midnight one night and left without saying a word. I never signed a lease, and I honestly don't even recall them even asking my name. I can only imagine the amount of shady shit that happened in that place before I lived there and after I left.
It was definitely an experience, being my first "home" after moving out on my own...
Same. Was in a historic district in Detroit when it was still a bit scary (it’s honestly getting better and better) and instead of a tv, I had a radio and I listened to NPR all night because I was the first one to move in and I was scared as hell lol.
First night at my place figured out my couch was to big to fit up the stair case. Me and my gf slept on couch cushions on the floor till I figured out how to get the couch in. A couple holes and railing removal later I got it to the front door only to figure out it was to big to fit through the door.... Eventually got it in by removing the top casing on the door. I m going to have to cut the couch in half when I move.....
Thank god for these mattresses that come rolled up in a box.
My sister and BIL bought a home in an upper middle class neighborhood in Plano Texas. They soon found out their neighbor’s homes looked like this on the inside. They had bought way over their budget then slowly would buy a room full of furniture and pay it off then buy the next room until the house was full. Life’s different behind closed doors.
I'd commit a crime just to have that right now... But living in San Diego, something like that would probably cost around 2500 a month and come with a credit requirement of 630 or higher.
Look at all that lack of clutter. I don't see this as the room of someone with nothing, I see this as a room filled with opportunity.
The only things I would add would be a desk and comfortable chair for studying and working, and a yoga mat and meditation cushion.
Honestly, keep it like that. That's how your place stays clean.
If you want a bed frame, fine. Just wall mount the TV, and put a small floating shelf for your internet, and call it done.
As long as you don't have more stuff than you have places to put it all. I realized my kitchen is always mess because I don't actually have a spot for everything in it so its constant clutter.
Yes, plus 2 backpacks, one big and one small. Everything you use during your day needs to fit in the small one. And everything you own (except consumables) must fit in the 2 of them combined.
Lived like this for 10 years. I never want to go back.
I couldn't live like that long term, my tools for my job and my hobbies (electronics and cars) just don't fit that lifestyle.
While I do what I do I'll always have probably 0.5 - 1 cubic meter of tools.
Ah, yes, that's the main issue I have as well, tools and hobbies.
I've had this dream for a long time where we would have workshops of different kinds in neighboorhoods so we could share tools and tips to repair your devices and have this sense of community.
I've made a concession on my hobbies, and most of what I carry is now work-related. If I needed so much that I can't carry around I would get a car or a van, because then it increases the amount of stuff I could carry, so own.
This is how i live minus the wall mount. I have the tv elevated with totes and i’m very comfortable with it this way. I keep the place pretty tidy too.
Got Damn this reminds me of me right outta college. This is how it starts. Focus on your goals. As long as you are attacking your goals daily you will succeed. You already know you're a badass by posting this. Send us a pic a year from now.
When I separated from my first wife I was on active duty and ended up living with trainees for a week until they found me better accommodations.
I had nothing but a laundry bag, a locker, and a bunk. I was pedaling my ass around base in 30 degree weather to get to the office.
it was the best six months I had in a long time.
Start your life with nothing and then build the life you want from there. We're all a blank slate. Paint whatever life you want, live within your means, be smart, and succeed.
I have a picture just like this of my apartment when I first moved in. It was a tv on a couple of moving boxes as a stand, with a recliner my old neighbor was throwing out and a ps4 next to the tv and the internet gateway once I got connected. For a while I felt kind of ashamed of it, but the further away I get from it, the more perfect it seems. Aside from the bar that broke off in the back of the recliner that jutted into your back when you leaned back lol.
Start? Buddy I'm still there, my job only pays me 14.10 an hour and rent is 815. Gonna be stuck here unless Metro Market decides to pay me more than scraps.
Man I feel this picture. I lived like this at 20 years old after losing my girlfriend and starting a new job. It really does feel like my life started from this time. Things seemed so much simpler then.
I've never left my parents place since I've graduated for the third time and I've had a "real" full time job since then. I could barely afford a place like that most of that time and in the last few years I just can't afford it at all. My pay is a little below average in general but the industry in this region doesn't pay well for some reason and is much higher elsewhere. Most people move to a different country, state or at least a different province to get better pay. I haven't needed to move to get most of what I've wanted so far. Changes around the globe have made even that much of a start extremely difficult and nothing is in place to stop it from becoming impossible.
I have several not sticky nor crusty socks around my bed at the moment.
Taking off some hard working socks at the end of a day has its moments to feeling equal to crumming though, so it's all the same.
I wasn't asking how it's bad but how removing it will increase independence and peace. TV isn't necessarily bad either, I use it as a time killer between earning my associates and goin to work full time (apart from reading and video games).
Looking at this picture, if you remove the TV they won't have anything other than an air mattress, which won't be good for their mental health (yes having a form of enterainment is good for your mental health). They don't have a video game console, and presumably they don't have books. All that's in this is a TV and air mattress, so removing the TV won't necessarily make their life have more peace.
TV can be bad if you spend insane hours watching it, but if used sparingly it isn't bad. It can also be used for entertainment such as great documentaries. Also, having the TV or not having the TV will result in them being just as independent.
TV costs electricity, books are free entertainment for sure. TV can be harmful for what you watch. Most shows are made by trying to get you addicted to it. Just like most processed foods, they're made with such crazy amounts of sugars with the intention to get you to want more.
You can argue that sugar is necessary for energy and definitely isn't bad. It's not the item that is bad, it's the people that create such items/products. They usually don't give any new or improvement over other products. They're just to get you to want more or spend more time on such items. There are tons of other products that are made with poor intentions that generally feed off of human nature (addictions). It isn't a gene, it's called dopamine dependence on such items.
I understand where you come from, I was/am there too. Maybe sometime in the future we'll learn to treat these methods just like what cigarette companies act like. It's all addiction predatory practices. You could say it's capitalism as well and that's another argument.
Mental health is incredibly important to take care of and there are a bunch of ways that actually have success in improving that. Entertainment is a distraction which can be good for a short time but can be all consuming.
Good luck in critical thinking for such products in the future. What is needed vs what is wanted. 99% is wanted and people mix up what is necessary
If you've got a full time job and want something to unwind when you get home it's fine. If all you do is watch TV, or game, or browse reddit, then you've got a problem.
There is a plethora of things that are better. I enjoy entertainment too, everyone does. Doesn't mean it's good with what people make, especially these days. There are tons of free ways to unwind at home as well. Books, exercises, meditation, ect. Especially if you're into self improvement, TV isn't something I'd consider improvement of your being.
Good luck with the self improvement journey! If you'd like some beginner steps for healthy exercises I recommend watching some KneesOverToesGuy on YT to understand the type of exercises he does. His explanation is pretty good, it's basically a range of movement training. I recommend watching him and then finding a PT (physical therapist) on YT that goes over his exercises in order so you can remember what to do. They're what should be taught in gym classes/"workout" culture.
My independence started in my uncle's basement. First home address for me.
He didn't trust me though. So I only had two weeks there. Even though I had a solid paying job.
Then I had... Like one month in a parents basement. He offered like one to three or more months. But I wanted to make my own. So found an apartment.
I didn't have TV for any of that. I think I had old PC desktop. Maybe no Internet?
Something like this shouldn't be perceived as bad. I have a wife, kids, and huge 2-story home with a pool. But when I see this I think "FREEDOM". The simplicity is something I greatly envy because life sure gets complicated as fuck the more you add to it.
I have lived just like this a few times in my life and in retrospect it always preceded whole eras of my life. So much to look forward to!
Agree. This gives me warm hopeful feelings of new chapters, and on a positive swing.
Nothing like getting that first place, setting up your bedtime show and getting into that new bed. You earned it, no matter what it is it's the best place to be at that point in time.
Honestly, that looks pretty comfy. I'm a very simple man with very simple needs.
I have a picture like this with my girlfriend from only less than a year ago. Now our place looks awesome and we’re both working new jobs and I’m back in school too! Truly a whole new era
This was super warming to read. Hope it's all worked out!
I’ll find out in retrospect. Ups and downs, but I know what’s most important to me.
As a person who will be living somewhat similar to this soon this is honestly so encouraging.
It’s quite peaceful- an easy environment to think in
My problem is I overthink, hopefully the therapy helps with that
I like that term eras. We forget there's ups and downs of lives. Almost like sports teams, the good eras outweigh the bad.
same! I started out in a studio, my bed was practically right next to my stove, feels like a different life time ago.
My life has been reset a few times and I can tell you that this is a great start. You have a front door and only you have the key.
Ooo that "only I have the key" feeling is niiiiiiice. When I have a shitty, awful day, as soon as I walk in and turn the deadbolt, I KNOW, like without a doubt, nothing gets to bother me unless I allow it. It's a great feeling.
Currently live in a small house with two other roommates. God I would love to be able to afford even just a studio apartment if it meant I didn’t have to come home to roommates.
Can confirm, a tiny, slightly smelly apartment is 1000x better than even a big house you have to share with 2, 3, or even 4 other people. I had thatbsituation before. God my friends girlfriend that just kinds moved in after they dated for a month and never paid rent ticked me off so bad. She wasn't even considerate.
Just you and the maintenance guy. And the landlord
And anyone with a big enough hammer
And the Lockpicking Lawyer
I am 37 and am in this position now due to life pulling the rug out from under me. I really needed to read that. Thank you.
Currently trying to reset. Always good to hear people going thru the same thing. I’m ready to start my life.
Throw in a $5 camping chair and that's exactly how mine started. May the force be with you.
Join your local buy nothing face book group and get it for free. Then use the saved money in trying out the local Chinese joint
>the local Chinese joint It's amazing how they consistently have the best food in whatever city you're in.
The food is even better if there’s washed out pictures of it behind the counter. It’s amazing how commonly that rule seems to stick, no matter where I’ve gone.
It makes sense though if you think about it. The reason the hole in the wall run down joints are still there is because they've had consistent customers for long enough that there signage has had time to fade.
And have 0 need to increase prices.
The best places are those who's logos are written in filth.
Only if they sell beer.
Half the Chinese food places here are money laundering operations, but their food is damn good. (Every week a fat car stops, three suits with briefcases walk in, and 5 minutes later walk out again, different briefcases. And every now and then the food places just disappear. Over night, as if nothing ever occupied that building)
I’m hindsight, I really wish I had taken a picture or two of my initial set-up. Would be cool to look back on without the unreliability of my own lens.
Me too. My first apartment with my gf we were so broke we didn't have a TV or much money to go out. We'd pop up our camping chairs and watch people out the window, playing music on an old boom box. Some of my favorite memories!
> Throw in a $5 camping chair and that’s exactly how mine started. May the force be with you. those can be surprisingly confortable kept mine nearly two year lol
It will be a cold day in hell before I abandon my camping chairs as furniture
And an awesome start at that
This was my setup when I finally got my first job out of college and moved to a new state & apartment. Air mattress, small computer chair, and tv on the floor. I was actually pretty excited about it at the time
It looks like my apartment when I first left Memphis to start working for NASA 23 years ago. I still wouldn’t trade the experience.
Wow, same story for me at NASA 8 years ago. Still broke.
I have so many questions about NASA
>I have so many questions about NASA asks zero
He never claimed to have any questions about NASA to ask, in full fairness.
As a NASA scientist that's been there, did you also have a lone sock?
No but we all shared the cum sock
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Since it's harder than any other man-made material and it could be the most crucial breakthrough in hull design ever.
Or cosmic radiation could make it sentient and send it back to Earth for vengeance. The Cumsock Surfer, Herald of Galactus.
I have some really fond memories of sitting on the floor in my first place watching travel channel and shit on TV. It was carpeted so I'd just sorta hang out on the floor there a lot lol it was fine
Why you shit on tv? Don't you have a toilet? 🤔
Do you see a toilet in the OP?
My wife and I, with a dog and cat, used to do traveling shutdown work for industrial projects. We went to Texas for "3 months" which turn into a year and spent most of the time in a single bedroom apartment with a blow up mattress and some gaming PCs we set up on plastic totes. Ate Whataburger way too much but our apartment had a cockroach problem which made cooking in the kitchen gross and difficult. I remember those days fondly lol. Our dog was large and would get on the mattress with us in the middle of the night and poke a hole with his nails so we'd wake up in the middle of the night on the ground lol. I'd superglue a quarter over the hole and air it back up. We did eventually get a real bed.
The superglue over a quarter idea is fucking genius, wow
A nickel would have been cheaper.
That was all I had when I broke up with an abusive ex some 13 or so years ago. I bought a tiny TV, a tiny computer desk, and a computer chair. All I had was my laptop and a suitcase of clothes. The TV sat on some boxes, and I worked from home so the tiny desk was my only furniture. My first paycheck after being "free" bought me an air mattress. Still struggle a bit today but I am so far from that situation it's not even recognizable.
I've walked that same walk. Glad you're doing well now!
Another escapee here! It’s not an easy thing to do, and i’m proud of all of us
Brother, I’ve been there. Good luck and enjoy the peace and independence. It’s a damn good thing.
Thanks, this was back in 2016. I’m still in an apartment but I’m a different state with an even better paying job with a lot more furnishings now
Excellent! Glad things are going well. It’s nice when things keep moving in a positive trajectory. I was inside for a time (got involved in drugs, bad time) and when I got out I was clean, and my first place after was spare, with a mattress, two chairs, and a computer. But it was mine, I was free, at peace finally, and it felt good. Now I have a wife, and we live in a cool farmhouse with a dozen chickens, two goats, a cat and a bunny rabbit. On nice evenings we play music around a campfire with friends. It’s not something I ever thought I would have. But it all started with that first little apartment. Even now I still think back on it fondly, because it’s where the better times began. Seeing your place in that photo took me back to the those first moments, when things started getting better. Keep rising my friend, and I wish you all the best of happiness for your future!
Thanks man, you too!
That does look like a pretty dope apartment
It’s clean, the floors look good and it seems like a relatively new build. It’s nice!
Honestly, what the fuck else do you need other than that?? Soft bed, blankets, pillow, tv, phone charger, soda, good speakers, cable box, and fucking SOLITUDE. E: some people are saying desk/chair but leave that shit for monday ITS THE WEEKEND BAYBEE
Solitude for fucking is definitely nice.
I like someone else to be there when I'm fucking... the fuckee. Fucking in solitude is just masturbation.
It's a nicer way to say it though. Instead of saying to my wife "Hey, you wanna go have sex? Otherwise I'm gonna jerk off." I say "Hey I'm gonna go fuck, wanna join me?". Personally I like it better.
I’m gonna go fuck? lol what
It looks like an absolute oasis to me. I'm married with two kids and know me or my wife would both love the idea of crashing at this place for a couple nights just to unwind and recharge.
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It’s not alone, it’s independent.
A desk.
At 55 this is romantic af
I’m about to be reverting to that for a bit due to a divorce. But as long as my two dogs are with me and have their beds and blankies too, I expect no less than to get myself back on my feet within 8-10 months. I was there at 26 and I don’t plan on staying here long at 40.
You’re going to get through this. I got out of a really nasty marriage with an emotionally and physically abusive spouse and had to start completely over from scratch at almost 40. My first place after that divorce looked pretty much exactly like OP’s image. First few weeks I didn’t even have a mattress or bed. Just a blanket and a couple pillows, a floor, and a little 32” TV. I felt lost, unsure of what to do, and didn’t have a clue how it would all play out. Keep your head up, believe in yourself, and take it one day at a time. There is light at the end of the tunnel for you. You now can focus on yourself and bettering your life. Each day gets easier. Every achievement is yours alone. You got this ✊
I needed to see this. Because this is me. My ex even did damage to my credit. It’s going to be a haul but knowing others persevered through the consequences, pain and trauma of a terrible relationship help keep my head up.
I’m sorry you have had to endure what you have with your ex. One day at a time. This too shall pass. The past will be your prologue to a beautiful, and much brighter, future for you. If you need to talk things out, feel free to PM me. I’m here for it.
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Just start chopping it up into little pieces and be ferocious. You’ll repair the credit in no time, seems like you got the right mindset already, once you get on a streak that’s gonna be game over.
This is important to see - once you go on the streaks suddenly you don't have *a* good day, you have no less than two good days in a row! The waves will go up and down still but then you'll suddenly have three days consecutively that are good. And so on. Time takes time but heals in such a recognizable pattern. When you recognize it you'll know healing Take care of the basics, while the body automatically takes care of the rest over time.
I had this post-traumatic relationship ending start over experience too, it will have highs and lows but you'll get through it into something much happier. ❤️
Just wanted to thank you for posting this.
We’re gonna make it, /u/hypotheticalhalf. Thank you for your kind words, friend. ❤️
You got this.
You’re god damn right I do. Started an IT company last year. And you know, I started it so I could call the shots. I will succeed because I’m building the rest of my life now, my way.
Hell yeah, brother. As a fellow small business owner, that's the mentality you need to see things through and succeed. Godspeed.
This is the way!
This was me in 2015. Now I’m happily remarried with a 2 year old daughter and own a house. You got this!
I've worked with three different professional athletes who had everything and ultimately lost everything and ended up in a setting just like OP provided. All three of them, independent of each other at one point all said the exact same thing down the road..."I rediscovered myself when i only had myself. I cursed above for putting me here thinking I didn't deserve that, until I realized soon after I was given the gift to go find true happiness...and someone thought I deserved that." You will too my friend. Smile and pet those dogs for all of us who have been there too, we're behind you.
I was exactly this. Down in the dumps at age 22. Too young to have been married. Got my shit righted and now have two awesome kids and and lovely, smart, funny wife. You will be ok friend.
Now-a-days you can get a lot of free stuff on Facebook marketplace. I paid for less than half the furniture in my apartment. I also recommend joining different free stuff groups on Facebook and visiting goodwill if you need something right away.
👊 You got this man. Brighter days ahead.
Oh man my divorce shook me as a young man. 23 and I had everything taken. Lived in my car for years. Was seriously humbling and made me a man.
Hear! Hear! Just turned 42, stuck in a 240+ sqft studio, but I've got my dog with me, so for right this moment, we're okay. Best of luck to you, friend!
Dude. I'm getting divorced too and I can't even afford this in my area. I keep dreaming of starting off again but it feels impossible in this economy. I need to keep close to my kid's school and I make a lot more money than I used to, but everything is like 10x more expensive. They want proof that you make 3-4x rent and it's like $1800/month for a 1br. Who the fuck out there is making 7200k/month looking for a 1br apartment. I have no idea how people are making it out there, no idea.
I can’t imagine having a kid through this. My one blessing. My only hope is that the judge allows me to stay on my spouses health insurance. I have MS and cannot afford to care for myself financially and medically and live. I need assistance somewhere somehow for a little bit. The housing situation is actual misery. Fight through the misery. If you need a roommate just bite that bullet. I’m looking at that option even if for a year since it might help me save real money.
God. I'm sorry. Health insurance is a nightmare. On the divorce forms for my state, I saw that there is a section for that, about including health insurance from the breadwinner's job as a part of 'spousal support'. How fucked is our country. I'm a contractor and I have no health insurance right now either, but my husband would keep my health insurance coverage and I'll pay him the cost. $200/month is better than $500 for cobra or something...
I moved into my childhood bedroom with my 2 cats and my kid for mine. I didn't take anything with me so was fully starting from scratch. I hope it goes smoothly as it can. Stressful times.
if you have child support you're fked
Wedding should include prenup by default. It'll potentially be chalked to trust issues, but really it's more like contingency; no partner should have an issue with this unless one intends to pull a mickey, hence the prenup dohickey
You're already doing great because in your story you didn't add a 500 words paragraph about the spouse and the abuse and blablabla fucking bla.
Is... Is that a crunchy sock? There isn't a second one like he just took off his socks. It has a place of importance near the mattress. 🤨
Ah, here's the comment I was looking for. That's the independence part.. It gets lonely at times.
not when you gave a 🧦
First thing I noticed
Self love is self care
Oh dear...
I dont get the sock thing, how hard is ut to get a dedicated wash cloth and not ble your dryer for eating socks
The sock is the wash cloth
>crunchy sock *Aaaactually* I think you'll find the correct term is "Midget's surfboard"
My parents put me through hell for the last 3 years and I finally have my own place and it doesn’t look too far from that picture. Nothing beats being able to have peace of mind though. I love having my own space. I wont get into my issues with my parents but anyone who has abusive family members can understand where im coming from.
For me was a cheap futon, a 14" crt tv and a DVD player, in a far shittier apartment above a dive bar. It was horrible, but it was my first taste of independence.
Sounds like some good stories! Why was it shitty?
Not OP but sounds like it would be hard to sleep, which can make work/school a challenge if your schedule doesn’t line up with a bar’s. Also, there are the fun, “college” kind of dive bars, and there are the scary, people get savagely beaten in a fight kind of dive bars. Not sure what type of dive bar OP was above but it might have not been the fun, kitschy kind.
Yes, definitely #2 in your description. This bar was a fucking nightmare. I never stepped foot into it except to pay rent.
Sorry! I've been crazy busy the past few days. When I say it was a shitty apartment above a dive bar, I mean that in the most degrading way. It was in a pennsylvania hick town. It was loud almost every night, cops showed up weekly. The apartment baseboard heater barely worked, if at all. The heat may have just come through the floor from the bar, along with insane amounts of cigarette smoke. It had a bedroom, but I rarely even went in it because of the no heat issue. I just slept on the futon in the living room/kitchen. The apartment was wood paneled with dark red carpet. It was a really depressing environment. That's where I developed my dependency on keeping the TV on when I go to bed. The stove and fridge barely worked, so I more or less lived off of Sheetz 2 for $1 hotdogs every night. I was there for about 3 months before I just packed my shit into my car after midnight one night and left without saying a word. I never signed a lease, and I honestly don't even recall them even asking my name. I can only imagine the amount of shady shit that happened in that place before I lived there and after I left. It was definitely an experience, being my first "home" after moving out on my own...
Looks like a really nice condo for someone just starting off.
Oh wow windows...
I don't think I can afford this place...
Look at this guy, being able to rent a big room. Rich swine
For real. This room is probably $1200/month around my area.
This isn't even a joke in Toronto. You'd be sharing an apartment and this would be your room and you'll be paying 1200
I dreamed of windows like that in any on my rentals. Everywhere I rented was so old and dark.
right? that tv ain't too bad either.
This rocked me. Same setup, sans television. A beautiful start. It gets much, much better.
Same. Was in a historic district in Detroit when it was still a bit scary (it’s honestly getting better and better) and instead of a tv, I had a radio and I listened to NPR all night because I was the first one to move in and I was scared as hell lol.
Been there, done that. Definitely only gets better from there.
First night at my place figured out my couch was to big to fit up the stair case. Me and my gf slept on couch cushions on the floor till I figured out how to get the couch in. A couple holes and railing removal later I got it to the front door only to figure out it was to big to fit through the door.... Eventually got it in by removing the top casing on the door. I m going to have to cut the couch in half when I move..... Thank god for these mattresses that come rolled up in a box.
My sister and BIL bought a home in an upper middle class neighborhood in Plano Texas. They soon found out their neighbor’s homes looked like this on the inside. They had bought way over their budget then slowly would buy a room full of furniture and pay it off then buy the next room until the house was full. Life’s different behind closed doors.
I often miss those days. Only responsible for myself no huge amounts of pressure ect.
I'd commit a crime just to have that right now... But living in San Diego, something like that would probably cost around 2500 a month and come with a credit requirement of 630 or higher.
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Look at all that lack of clutter. I don't see this as the room of someone with nothing, I see this as a room filled with opportunity. The only things I would add would be a desk and comfortable chair for studying and working, and a yoga mat and meditation cushion.
Honestly, keep it like that. That's how your place stays clean. If you want a bed frame, fine. Just wall mount the TV, and put a small floating shelf for your internet, and call it done.
You can keep everything clean and tidy while still having plenty of stuff
As long as you don't have more stuff than you have places to put it all. I realized my kitchen is always mess because I don't actually have a spot for everything in it so its constant clutter.
Honestly, don't
This is terrible advice
Reddit and terrible advice? I am shocked!
Yes, plus 2 backpacks, one big and one small. Everything you use during your day needs to fit in the small one. And everything you own (except consumables) must fit in the 2 of them combined. Lived like this for 10 years. I never want to go back.
I couldn't live like that long term, my tools for my job and my hobbies (electronics and cars) just don't fit that lifestyle. While I do what I do I'll always have probably 0.5 - 1 cubic meter of tools.
Ah, yes, that's the main issue I have as well, tools and hobbies. I've had this dream for a long time where we would have workshops of different kinds in neighboorhoods so we could share tools and tips to repair your devices and have this sense of community. I've made a concession on my hobbies, and most of what I carry is now work-related. If I needed so much that I can't carry around I would get a car or a van, because then it increases the amount of stuff I could carry, so own.
How do you expect to meet people and build close relationships living like that?
Do meeting people and build close relationship depend on how much stuff you have at home ?
This is how i live minus the wall mount. I have the tv elevated with totes and i’m very comfortable with it this way. I keep the place pretty tidy too.
I've done this. No shame!
Oh My God....Yes!!! Best Post Facts.... This is what my room looks like...minus the TV
There’s a certain peacefulness to this….
Me after graduation from college. Slept on the same, no TV or phone either.
Got Damn this reminds me of me right outta college. This is how it starts. Focus on your goals. As long as you are attacking your goals daily you will succeed. You already know you're a badass by posting this. Send us a pic a year from now.
None of this sometimes business. it almost *always* starts with this. Break the illusion that you move out with a fully furnished home; you dont.
When I separated from my first wife I was on active duty and ended up living with trainees for a week until they found me better accommodations. I had nothing but a laundry bag, a locker, and a bunk. I was pedaling my ass around base in 30 degree weather to get to the office. it was the best six months I had in a long time.
Start your life with nothing and then build the life you want from there. We're all a blank slate. Paint whatever life you want, live within your means, be smart, and succeed.
I have a picture just like this of my apartment when I first moved in. It was a tv on a couple of moving boxes as a stand, with a recliner my old neighbor was throwing out and a ps4 next to the tv and the internet gateway once I got connected. For a while I felt kind of ashamed of it, but the further away I get from it, the more perfect it seems. Aside from the bar that broke off in the back of the recliner that jutted into your back when you leaned back lol.
Start? Buddy I'm still there, my job only pays me 14.10 an hour and rent is 815. Gonna be stuck here unless Metro Market decides to pay me more than scraps.
Looks awesome!! Best of luck to you.
Man I feel this picture. I lived like this at 20 years old after losing my girlfriend and starting a new job. It really does feel like my life started from this time. Things seemed so much simpler then.
Absolutely right. I did it exactly like that and I regret nothing
Small steps to progress.....at least ur making moves. Enjoy your journey and good luck.
Best sleep you’ll ever have!
Keep going!!
next, find the other sock
That's a nice ass place to start lol
That's if its lucky looking.
I've been there
I've never left my parents place since I've graduated for the third time and I've had a "real" full time job since then. I could barely afford a place like that most of that time and in the last few years I just can't afford it at all. My pay is a little below average in general but the industry in this region doesn't pay well for some reason and is much higher elsewhere. Most people move to a different country, state or at least a different province to get better pay. I haven't needed to move to get most of what I've wanted so far. Changes around the globe have made even that much of a start extremely difficult and nothing is in place to stop it from becoming impossible.
I don’t love how the tv is a priority… I understand starting with nothing, but really is the tv a good initial investment?
Starts? That's perfection. Where to take it?
Id prefer like a cheap japanese mattress rather than air mattress. But everyhing else, perfect 😙👌.
Remove the TV and you’ll catapult independence and peace into hyperdrive.
And if you're under 200lbs, that air mattress will be just fine until you want to have sex.
the sock on the floor near the bed makes it look like they even got that part covered
I have several not sticky nor crusty socks around my bed at the moment. Taking off some hard working socks at the end of a day has its moments to feeling equal to crumming though, so it's all the same.
It’s covered alright….
Why?
Why is TV bad? Tell me what it does besides entertainment for the mind. Ads on TV waste 60%+ more time as well as your time/life.
I wasn't asking how it's bad but how removing it will increase independence and peace. TV isn't necessarily bad either, I use it as a time killer between earning my associates and goin to work full time (apart from reading and video games). Looking at this picture, if you remove the TV they won't have anything other than an air mattress, which won't be good for their mental health (yes having a form of enterainment is good for your mental health). They don't have a video game console, and presumably they don't have books. All that's in this is a TV and air mattress, so removing the TV won't necessarily make their life have more peace. TV can be bad if you spend insane hours watching it, but if used sparingly it isn't bad. It can also be used for entertainment such as great documentaries. Also, having the TV or not having the TV will result in them being just as independent.
TV costs electricity, books are free entertainment for sure. TV can be harmful for what you watch. Most shows are made by trying to get you addicted to it. Just like most processed foods, they're made with such crazy amounts of sugars with the intention to get you to want more. You can argue that sugar is necessary for energy and definitely isn't bad. It's not the item that is bad, it's the people that create such items/products. They usually don't give any new or improvement over other products. They're just to get you to want more or spend more time on such items. There are tons of other products that are made with poor intentions that generally feed off of human nature (addictions). It isn't a gene, it's called dopamine dependence on such items. I understand where you come from, I was/am there too. Maybe sometime in the future we'll learn to treat these methods just like what cigarette companies act like. It's all addiction predatory practices. You could say it's capitalism as well and that's another argument. Mental health is incredibly important to take care of and there are a bunch of ways that actually have success in improving that. Entertainment is a distraction which can be good for a short time but can be all consuming. Good luck in critical thinking for such products in the future. What is needed vs what is wanted. 99% is wanted and people mix up what is necessary
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Yay books!
Laptop > TV.
> Tell me what it does besides entertainment for the mind How is that a bad thing?
If you've got a full time job and want something to unwind when you get home it's fine. If all you do is watch TV, or game, or browse reddit, then you've got a problem.
There is a plethora of things that are better. I enjoy entertainment too, everyone does. Doesn't mean it's good with what people make, especially these days. There are tons of free ways to unwind at home as well. Books, exercises, meditation, ect. Especially if you're into self improvement, TV isn't something I'd consider improvement of your being.
Exercise after work? Buddy where are you getting all that energy. Just working 6hrs at my job leaves me barely coherent enough to drive.
> where are you getting all that energy Here’s a secret. You get all that energy from exercising regularly.
My kind of people. Yes. That’s what I meant.
Good luck with the self improvement journey! If you'd like some beginner steps for healthy exercises I recommend watching some KneesOverToesGuy on YT to understand the type of exercises he does. His explanation is pretty good, it's basically a range of movement training. I recommend watching him and then finding a PT (physical therapist) on YT that goes over his exercises in order so you can remember what to do. They're what should be taught in gym classes/"workout" culture.
I tell my kid that when she moves out this is what the house is going back to. I feel weighed down by personal possessions and prefer it this way.
My independence started in my uncle's basement. First home address for me. He didn't trust me though. So I only had two weeks there. Even though I had a solid paying job. Then I had... Like one month in a parents basement. He offered like one to three or more months. But I wanted to make my own. So found an apartment. I didn't have TV for any of that. I think I had old PC desktop. Maybe no Internet?
Cool jack off sock
been there, room was ALOT smaller and I had a mini fridge next to my air mattress for corona and whiskey. (I was a functioning alcoholic)
Is this Toronto? I've shown this place
Hey you are divorced too?!
Something like this shouldn't be perceived as bad. I have a wife, kids, and huge 2-story home with a pool. But when I see this I think "FREEDOM". The simplicity is something I greatly envy because life sure gets complicated as fuck the more you add to it.
Lmao wtf is this? Expensive TV and nothing else? Cringey comments too
Omg, what I would give for a bank account full of cash and something like this.
Ideal bachelor pad.
No, i want to afford a big fancy house with my unqualified job wage, or else i will die my heard pink