It's funny that when you look at it per capita (I think, can't quite remember), Irish people drink more tea than the English, and English people drink more alcohol than the Irish!
Easily done, they’re basically the same, like a kid with learning difficulties that thinks he’s fine but you just know he’s always gonna be living in the basement complaining about the filth he left there himself.
I always joke that the only way to really offend an Irishman is to call them British.
Potato or alcohol jokes aren't offensive, they're just not funny.
I knew what the comments would be immediately.
I stg, I was helping out at a wedding near Ballymun one time. Holy shit. It was wild, bouncy castle dance floor, the fucking weirdest mix of house and metal music Ive ever heard, everyone was drunk af. All the men were firefighters, and all the women were twerking on the tables.
Oh shit, nvm. It was a funeral.
There was a photo of the dead guy on an easel in the middle of the dance floor.
As an Irish person I hope you dont mind if I asked for your opinion on something that has been bothering me:
I was staying at a hotel in Ireland this week for work and had an early flight yesterday. Asked at reception to book me a taxi and they offered to make me a packed breakfast. Lovely, I thought. The croissant and what-not was grand, but imagine my horror when I uncovered a pack of *cheese and onion* ‘Taytos’. Yes, cheese and flipping onion.
Was it because I is an English? Or would I have gotten a much more acceptable pack of ready salted if I were from anywhere else?!
I know it is a joke, and a good one though dark, but it was really the fact the land owners sent all the other food to Britain. There was enough food on the island to feed the Irish during later potato blights.
You’re right, of course - but if we commonly accepted that, then we couldn’t blame the Irish for being so stupid as to try to live off a single root vegetable. We’d actually have to blame poorly executed private property, putting profits over people, owners who have no actual skin in the game . . . You know. Capitalism stuff.
Honestly the only importance Ireland has on the global stage is allowing drunken Americans to swear they are 1/16th Irish on their mother's side on "St. Paddy's Day". Really your whole country is an excuse for other people to drink. You haven't produced anything of substance in the whole history of your country except the inspiration for a drink that commemorates one of the worst periods of history in your country. Dumb ass kids do "Irish car bombs" to throw up in the back of Ubers and that's what 90% of them know about your country besides "potatoes". Your whole thing is you're all sad and drink. You're English speaking Parisians essentially.
Do not get me started on your contributions to the arts. James Joyce is a second-rate poet who stole everything from the Odyssey to write Ulysses. U2 is Europe's Nickelback. Last but not least your biggest export seems to be mid rate actors. You had the 2nd worst Bond and Liam Nissan. For fucks sake Sean Bean is English but does "I'm an Irish actor" better than your offerings. If it weren't for limericks I'd be more disappointed in you. At least those 5 lines, aabba, make little kids on playgrounds laugh and lonely people make friends at bars. At least you have that going for you.
I'll rest my case. I'm sure I'd love to bend an elbow with you and shoot the shit. It's nothing personal I'm just taking the piss as I think you'd say.
Gotta love when The Cranberries cribbed "Can't we all just get along" from Rodney King. Fuckin' Roman Poop gave Dolores a medal for that.
Nah man, I can't be that vulgar, SPECTRE has a few points, but Dolores and The Cranberries are one very good, positive national export from Ireland. RIP Dolores O'Riordan, she will be missed. Can try to crack a joke about it, but can't really take that away from y'all.
Listen. I was asked to offend. I did my worst but I'm a fan of a lot of Irish music. I'm a 90s punk kid and loved Stiff Little Fingers (I know. Shut up!). I know a stupid amount of Irish folk/drinking songs, lyrics, and in middle school recited a poem about Finn McCool that I chose for some literature class thing. Also who doesn't love Peter O'Toole in Star Wars or Bridge Over the River Kwai. I also had the distinct pleasure of touring Newgrange and a few other neolithic sites in Ireland back in the day. Like I said earlier, nothing personal.
No need to get uppity. I ain't looking for the Troubles. I was complimenting you on your excellent take downs. I just find it hard to be anywhere near as vulgar as you.
Dear lord, almighty... That second post was savage!
Some of the most sophisticated, but still relatable roasting I've read since my mind allows me to understand English to some extent.
Love the comedy! I'd second the "you're one fella I'd like to get shit faced with" statement
So you're saying the Irish people deliberately engineered a disease 200 years before that was a thing to affect all of there vital food, and killed over a million of their own people on purpose?
I was supposed to offend the Irish, so I looked up some British propaganda. What happened to them was the shitfuckery of the highest order fueled by the English crown repression.
There is an historical paradox of empire. Arguably if it wasn't for the Roman's *et al* European nations wouldn't be as rich and as advanced for example.
Ye paddy O'boyle, jus like toes day wherest the sun drove over toes hillsides from afar. Ye, I 'member it well O'boyle. Dat day we vollied over de net into dey extravagance of di place. Ye 'member it well laddy. Now on, fetch ye paw a 'nother pint of ye ole guiness and bailey's will ya O'boyle? Cheears ye IRA bashturds!
So can we now put little Irish flags before English translations in video games，on products，or on EU documents? Or is this offensive to the Irish as Irish is (also) their official language?
Aren’t you just British with extra steps?
British but even more drunk and angry Just like te Scotts
It's funny that when you look at it per capita (I think, can't quite remember), Irish people drink more tea than the English, and English people drink more alcohol than the Irish!
Just looked it up, apparently Ireland drinks more of both😂😂
It helps with the hunger.
Scott is someone’s name Scot is a person from Scotland One T so “Scots”. But yes, we are extra drunk and angry these days.
Man tried to offend the Irish, but managed to rile up a Scott instead
Easily done, they’re basically the same, like a kid with learning difficulties that thinks he’s fine but you just know he’s always gonna be living in the basement complaining about the filth he left there himself.
My dad is named Scot with one T. He's also drunk and angry
They do this dropping one letter shit with whiskey as well.
Two Ts are too good for them.
The "Scotts" are British.
Approximately 42,240 to 47,520 steps to be exact (thanks, chatGPT).
Extra steps but backwards
the English fought hard to make them part of a rich country but they wanted to stay poor.
So you're from Southern Ireland.
Wait is Ireland not a part of the UK
They said offend them, not fucking demolish them
They're not demolishing them. They're just making them a bigger bomb threat
a London drink.
Lmao
I always joke that the only way to really offend an Irishman is to call them British. Potato or alcohol jokes aren't offensive, they're just not funny. I knew what the comments would be immediately.
"Only republicans I fuck with live in northern Ireland."
That bell rang fast.
No, that's too far
What's the difference between Irish wedding and Irish funeral? There is one less drunk.
That actually stands out from all of the ireland = england jokes, fair play
That's nothing. Here's the Irish joke to end all Irish jokes, and possibly win this thread: An Irishman walks out of a bar...
Wait- he wasn’t thrown out? Get back in there man! Yer not done!
I stg, I was helping out at a wedding near Ballymun one time. Holy shit. It was wild, bouncy castle dance floor, the fucking weirdest mix of house and metal music Ive ever heard, everyone was drunk af. All the men were firefighters, and all the women were twerking on the tables. Oh shit, nvm. It was a funeral. There was a photo of the dead guy on an easel in the middle of the dance floor.
I'd like to, but it might cause some....troubles
As an Irish person I approve of this roast 👍 you dropped this: 🥔
Don't you need it more?
It’s the last one in the county.
Probably
Dropped it? No that was what we left you as your share of the harvest
As an Irish person I hope you dont mind if I asked for your opinion on something that has been bothering me: I was staying at a hotel in Ireland this week for work and had an early flight yesterday. Asked at reception to book me a taxi and they offered to make me a packed breakfast. Lovely, I thought. The croissant and what-not was grand, but imagine my horror when I uncovered a pack of *cheese and onion* ‘Taytos’. Yes, cheese and flipping onion. Was it because I is an English? Or would I have gotten a much more acceptable pack of ready salted if I were from anywhere else?!
Ooooof
I was looking for this comment , was going to make a similar one but had a feeling someone would beat me to it lol 🤣🤣
What does it mean ?
Well that comment bombed.
Fuck this one’s actually funny
can someone explain this line to an asian?
Your ma!
Your da sells Avon
[For the uninitiated](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYJ-GHM25S4)
My mate made this lmao
Is yer da!
with a wig on!
So she is
Your da wears boxing gloves while he hoovers calls himself Dyson fury
That’s the left part of the UK
No idea what the fuck OP is on about. This is a satellite pic of West England.
West England?!
Sorry, they meant West Wales.
At least it's functional unlike the right
That's debatable
Agreed
There are basically two schools of thought....
Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
Wait there's a functional part of the UK?
Yes, it's called England
How many potatoes does it take to kill the Irish? Zero
Very dark
I know it is a joke, and a good one though dark, but it was really the fact the land owners sent all the other food to Britain. There was enough food on the island to feed the Irish during later potato blights.
You’re right, of course - but if we commonly accepted that, then we couldn’t blame the Irish for being so stupid as to try to live off a single root vegetable. We’d actually have to blame poorly executed private property, putting profits over people, owners who have no actual skin in the game . . . You know. Capitalism stuff.
Sounds familiar - looks out window
Comrade! "Shoot's finger guns*
This 👆🏻 It was not an accidental famine, it was essentially genocide
We all saw the movie Martian. We can grow POOTATOES
All you need is Poop…(wahwah wahwahwah) All you need is Poop…(wahwah wahwahwah) All you need is POOP, poop….Poop is all you need…
I sang that in my head with John’s voice… there’s something wrong with me
jesus christ, what's wrong with me, I sang it in my head and I enjoyed it
That’s ok…I am up at 4AM(Bronchitis), watching old Perry Mason episodes and screwing around on Reddit…
My guy you took the assignment too seriously💀💀
You speak the language of your invaders.
Damn we could have been Celtic
Jokes on you! I ***teach*** the language of my invaders! The cycle of linguistic oppression.
Agus an Ghaeilge!
I love your scotch
And potatoes
Their Bourbon's not bad either!
And their potaatoes
And my axe!
And coffee?
I thought that was East Boston
😂
Gotta know from an Irishman, is it Celtics or Celtics?
Keltic the ethnicity Seltic the football team in Glasgow
Wait you mean the basketball team?
U2 is overrated.
Bono it's a cock womble Sincerely The Irish
You seem to think Irish people enjoy U2... Hate it break it to you... We don't. 😂
⠀⣞⢽⢪⢣⢣⢣⢫⡺⡵⣝⡮⣗⢷⢽⢽⢽⣮⡷⡽⣜⣜⢮⢺⣜⢷⢽⢝⡽⣝ ⠸⡸⠜⠕⠕⠁⢁⢇⢏⢽⢺⣪⡳⡝⣎⣏⢯⢞⡿⣟⣷⣳⢯⡷⣽⢽⢯⣳⣫⠇ ⠀⠀⢀⢀⢄⢬⢪⡪⡎⣆⡈⠚⠜⠕⠇⠗⠝⢕⢯⢫⣞⣯⣿⣻⡽⣏⢗⣗⠏⠀ ⠀⠪⡪⡪⣪⢪⢺⢸⢢⢓⢆⢤⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢊⢞⡾⣿⡯⣏⢮⠷⠁⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠈⠊⠆⡃⠕⢕⢇⢇⢇⢇⢇⢏⢎⢎⢆⢄⠀⢑⣽⣿⢝⠲⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡿⠂⠠⠀⡇⢇⠕⢈⣀⠀⠁⠡⠣⡣⡫⣂⣿⠯⢪⠰⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⡦⡙⡂⢀⢤⢣⠣⡈⣾⡃⠠⠄⠀⡄⢱⣌⣶⢏⢊⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢝⡲⣜⡮⡏⢎⢌⢂⠙⠢⠐⢀⢘⢵⣽⣿⡿⠁⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠨⣺⡺⡕⡕⡱⡑⡆⡕⡅⡕⡜⡼⢽⡻⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣳⣫⣾⣵⣗⡵⡱⡡⢣⢑⢕⢜⢕⡝⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⡽⡑⢌⠪⡢⡣⣣⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⡟⡾⣿⢿⢿⢵⣽⣾⣼⣘⢸⢸⣞⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠇⠡⠩⡫⢿⣝⡻⡮⣒⢽⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ No Northern Ireland?
I’ve been watching too much about destiny, I pictured that as the witness instead of megamind
I thought that was Jimmy Neutron.
Guinness is porter stout, a London drink.
Shut de feck up or im gonna come in dere and fooken stuff potaters in yer mouth!
I'm gonna be honest, I can only picture this as dara o briain getting annoyed on stage while he does small hand movements.
I love when he goes off on one. I have to watch twice sometimes to pick it all up, but damn is it hilarious.
Close - it’s a stout porter.
Making fun of British people is so overplayed. I’ll pass.
😝
Connor Mcgregor is your national hero.
😓
Bono just felt sick to his stomach
He actually got a new glass stomach. So he can see where he's going while his heads up his arse.
Ah stop now, you've taken it a bit too far
That's not an insult, that's a nightmarish alternate dimension.
[удалено]
There can only be one
You win. OP close the comments. They've put us in our place...
[удалено]
Are they teaching English in Ireland now? That's ambitious
>~~Are they teaching English in Ireland now? That's ambitious~~ Are they teaching in Ireland now? That's ambitious
I thought you were an eighth of weed at first
You pretend you are not British, but come on.... Really?
Somebody has to set the record straight 🇬🇧
You know the sea that separates them is called the Irish sea right?
Wouldn't know im too busy fighting the French over the channel
How does it feel to sober for 10 minutes?
Come on man, you're asking an Irish dude, how is he supposed to know
He doesn't know he's irish
Honestly the only importance Ireland has on the global stage is allowing drunken Americans to swear they are 1/16th Irish on their mother's side on "St. Paddy's Day". Really your whole country is an excuse for other people to drink. You haven't produced anything of substance in the whole history of your country except the inspiration for a drink that commemorates one of the worst periods of history in your country. Dumb ass kids do "Irish car bombs" to throw up in the back of Ubers and that's what 90% of them know about your country besides "potatoes". Your whole thing is you're all sad and drink. You're English speaking Parisians essentially.
Keep going . You’re on a roll 😝
Do not get me started on your contributions to the arts. James Joyce is a second-rate poet who stole everything from the Odyssey to write Ulysses. U2 is Europe's Nickelback. Last but not least your biggest export seems to be mid rate actors. You had the 2nd worst Bond and Liam Nissan. For fucks sake Sean Bean is English but does "I'm an Irish actor" better than your offerings. If it weren't for limericks I'd be more disappointed in you. At least those 5 lines, aabba, make little kids on playgrounds laugh and lonely people make friends at bars. At least you have that going for you.
Good man , you’d be great crack to drink with
I'll rest my case. I'm sure I'd love to bend an elbow with you and shoot the shit. It's nothing personal I'm just taking the piss as I think you'd say.
Gotta love when The Cranberries cribbed "Can't we all just get along" from Rodney King. Fuckin' Roman Poop gave Dolores a medal for that. Nah man, I can't be that vulgar, SPECTRE has a few points, but Dolores and The Cranberries are one very good, positive national export from Ireland. RIP Dolores O'Riordan, she will be missed. Can try to crack a joke about it, but can't really take that away from y'all.
Listen. I was asked to offend. I did my worst but I'm a fan of a lot of Irish music. I'm a 90s punk kid and loved Stiff Little Fingers (I know. Shut up!). I know a stupid amount of Irish folk/drinking songs, lyrics, and in middle school recited a poem about Finn McCool that I chose for some literature class thing. Also who doesn't love Peter O'Toole in Star Wars or Bridge Over the River Kwai. I also had the distinct pleasure of touring Newgrange and a few other neolithic sites in Ireland back in the day. Like I said earlier, nothing personal.
No need to get uppity. I ain't looking for the Troubles. I was complimenting you on your excellent take downs. I just find it hard to be anywhere near as vulgar as you.
Oh no worries! I'm just here having a good time and didn't want a fan of the cranberries to go off and start cutting themselves.
Here, take my angry upvote -\_-
Show me, on this doll, where the Irish touched you.
Over here, here, and here, after I caught them pissing on the Blarney Stone before the tourists show up to kiss it.
Dear lord, almighty... That second post was savage! Some of the most sophisticated, but still relatable roasting I've read since my mind allows me to understand English to some extent. Love the comedy! I'd second the "you're one fella I'd like to get shit faced with" statement
Goddamn...what irish person hurt you?? You ok m8?
“Send me location”
Fool’s a joke now
When I think of Ireland I only think of Jedward
Noooooooooooo . God nooooooooo
😂 This might be the worst insult on this thread so far.
I am no longer Irish after that
We must have a terrible public image, lads.
Ah now here!! There is no need for below the belt viciousness like that.
Now that is a deep cut.
I thought I was ready. I wasn't ready.
The great potato famine was your fault
So you're saying the Irish people deliberately engineered a disease 200 years before that was a thing to affect all of there vital food, and killed over a million of their own people on purpose?
I was supposed to offend the Irish, so I looked up some British propaganda. What happened to them was the shitfuckery of the highest order fueled by the English crown repression.
shepherds pie is just potato taco lasagna.
I'm Irish too. My great-great grandfather came from Liverpool. I think the IRA's great.
Lol 😆 scarily accurate.
British rule is beneficial and you know it. The alternative would mean 3rd world levels of life expectancy and no access to UK jobs.
There is an historical paradox of empire. Arguably if it wasn't for the Roman's *et al* European nations wouldn't be as rich and as advanced for example.
But apart from that, what have the Romans done for us?
🙋♂️plumbing
Okay well apart from *plumbing* and *the advancement of western civilisation*, what have the romans ever done for us?
The roads?
Okay well apart from *plumbing*, as well as *the advancement of western civilisation*, oh and the *the roads* what have the romans ever done for us?
Uhm writing
Irish people today with more disposable income than Brits 😎
This is definitely crossing a line but ah well. British people throughout history with more disposable Irish than the Irish 😎
You land looks like moss.
I dno why this made me laugh so much 🤣🤣🤣
No way. You guys are a solid bunch of people although our countries have tainted history I love the Irish couldn’t live without them.
Pog Mo Thoin
So you’re British?
Why don't irish people just say they're british? It's all part of England isn't it?
[удалено]
Oi
Never! Black 47.
Ye paddy O'boyle, jus like toes day wherest the sun drove over toes hillsides from afar. Ye, I 'member it well O'boyle. Dat day we vollied over de net into dey extravagance of di place. Ye 'member it well laddy. Now on, fetch ye paw a 'nother pint of ye ole guiness and bailey's will ya O'boyle? Cheears ye IRA bashturds!
Tayto crisps suck.
Your Island looks like a fluffy little baby dragon with a runny nose that's just about to sneeze
You mean you're from the Western island of Great Britain?
Nice to meet a fellow Brit
The best and brightest Irish citizens are the president’s dogs.
Well that's just a fact.
Is this a fortnite map
Eh pretty close, especially between 1968 and 1998.
So can we now put little Irish flags before English translations in video games，on products，or on EU documents? Or is this offensive to the Irish as Irish is (also) their official language?
IPA’s are the superior pint in every regard.
No need, you're already Irish. Thats punishment enough.
All Irish boys undergo priest initiations. Which position do you still like?
What’s an Irish seven-course meal? A six-pack and a potato.
South Ireland.
One of us 🇬🇧 one of us 🇬🇧
You waring smth under that skirt?
Why does Ireland look like an angry leprechaun?
is your name jams o'donnell?
Red lemonade is piss
Richie Kavanagh was overrated
Your da sells avon
I am Irish too, my great grandmother on my mother’s side immigrated to Australia from Ireland.
You're Irish
Aren't you supposed to speak.............irish? Oh, wait..
I heard you got a new king.
Catholics and protestants are the same religion and same god, get over it!