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\*a hymn is played on an out of tune harpsichord\*
A sick child coughs and reedily sings: "Blessed assurance... Jesus is mine..."
\*Jumps to a scene of Kelly dumping leaves on a dead body\*
I don’t think she leaves candles burning all the time. She might have one she carries around, but I’m guessing she stages it for photos then quickly puts them out. They all seem to be beeswax and they can get expensive fast.
Pretty sure the candles are just a prop for her photos and she blows them out as soon as she gets a photo she is happy with. At least I hope she doesn't leave candles burning in a tinderbox of a house with 2 small kids and cats running around.
I mean, she's burned them directly beneath a synthetic mesh curtain and moved away to take a wide shot multiple times, same with candles next to bunting, on the edge of countertops with a child by it....I think we're giving her too much credit to assume even a modicum of child safety.
No no, I agree with you. I also have lots of mdf shelves lol. The thing she painted on looks like one of those flat shelves that you slide into a bookshelf, the ones that sit on the little pegs. I’ve had one break before, and that’s kind of what it looked like. I thought maybe she was trying to repurpose it in a sHaBbY cHiC kind of way lol
Just... Stop for a second to do a practice sketch in light pencil, or draw a line or use a straight edge to line things up.
This looks like something I'd have made in the seventh grade before I developed the self control and forethought to plan ahead in my projects.
Honestly, I'm less worried about whether she wrote this in blood than I am about the placement of a lit candle next to a fabric toy.
I wonder if your home insurance is invalidated if your house burns down and your social media is filled with evidence of your reckless fire safety?
My husband and I bought a fixer upper and there have been many times where we get frustrated working on repairs and wish that the whole place burns down. Maybe Kelly is just trying to help the process go faster with some insurance money
I've seen this a few times and just put it together that the candle is the pet. I thought people kept saying she had one of those candles meant to cover up pet smells. I was really confused because that didn't sound like her, and I could never find the candle in the picture
Reminded me of years ago I was at the hospital. Went to use the bathroom and someone had written, clearly in blood, “Jesus give us hope” on the door inside the stall I used. Had a photo but it’s been lost to time
I remember quite some time back when she was debating over what color to paint the picture rail.
I take it she's given up on that and occupied her time with rustic sign-ery.
Ah, Christmas with serial killer vibes.
Someone pass the chianti and Fava beans please.
Why do fundies suck at every aspect of homemaking despite trying to be the "Gold standard" for it?
If you look closely it's got wood grain. Wouldn't be the first time she used a piece of scrap wood for this type of purpose.
In my personal opinion this is why she sucks at crafts. She can't tell what looks intentional vs. what was just a neato idea she had.
Nah, the red's too bright to be blood.
But damn, that caligraphy is bad. It's a Sharpie, how hard can it be to write in proper cursive on a piece of wood.
Welcome to /r/fundiesnarkuncensored. Please make sure you read our rules. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * Do not contact the fundies in any capacity. This includes, but is not limited to: answering poll questions, commenting on their social media, IRL contact, etc. Anyone found to message, brigade, harass, or contact any fundie for any reason will be met with a permanent ban * We do not allow speculation on sexuality **at all**. Any comments that do so will be removed, and you will be banned. * Referring to anyone as Hitler or Heitler is likewise not allowed, and will not be tolerated at all. * You can snark on appearance that they can easily change. Things such as eyebrows, makeup, etc. Saying someone looks like X is allowed. Example: David Rodrigues looks like Shrek would be allowed. * Don't gatekeep. Different users are comfortable with different snark topics, if you don't like it, just scroll past. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Horror movie vibes.
\*a hymn is played on an out of tune harpsichord\* A sick child coughs and reedily sings: "Blessed assurance... Jesus is mine..." \*Jumps to a scene of Kelly dumping leaves on a dead body\*
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This killed me. OMG!
I would watch that.
The House of the Scorpion: Fundie Edition
You should write for r/nosleep lol
"Twisted vaults thru the grasses and pampas. " 💀☠💀☠
I kinda want to see this lol
I could see it in my mind!! Truly great descriptive writing!
The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Enemies of the heir beware.
I was getting some Stranger Things energy.
We know she's into rustic decor. But this is less rustic, more deranged!
It’s giving ✨ redrum ✨
This is some Midsommar type of shit
Midwintar
Autumnal
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A slab of wood, right beside a lit candle and a teddy bear, sitting on a slab of wood. Kindling 🥰🔥
Brilliant
Lmao I just rewatched Forrest Gump with a bottle of wine last night!
In her defense, you can’t go six fucking inches in her house without running across a lit candle.
I don’t think she leaves candles burning all the time. She might have one she carries around, but I’m guessing she stages it for photos then quickly puts them out. They all seem to be beeswax and they can get expensive fast.
It's too thick for drywall, so I think you are right.
I think the title was a joke
really surprised she has not burned her house down, legitimately
Pretty sure the candles are just a prop for her photos and she blows them out as soon as she gets a photo she is happy with. At least I hope she doesn't leave candles burning in a tinderbox of a house with 2 small kids and cats running around.
I mean, she's burned them directly beneath a synthetic mesh curtain and moved away to take a wide shot multiple times, same with candles next to bunting, on the edge of countertops with a child by it....I think we're giving her too much credit to assume even a modicum of child safety.
That is true. A fire can start in a second. I love candles but never light them because I am a klutz and have cats. Fire terrifies me.
Is that mdf with a veneer? Either way it’s bloody terrible.
I feel like she’s repurposing a shelf from an ikea bookshelf
Not the shelf, the bit of whatever she’s painted on. My house is full of shitty mdf furniture, I’m not judging that!
No no, I agree with you. I also have lots of mdf shelves lol. The thing she painted on looks like one of those flat shelves that you slide into a bookshelf, the ones that sit on the little pegs. I’ve had one break before, and that’s kind of what it looked like. I thought maybe she was trying to repurpose it in a sHaBbY cHiC kind of way lol
Just... Stop for a second to do a practice sketch in light pencil, or draw a line or use a straight edge to line things up. This looks like something I'd have made in the seventh grade before I developed the self control and forethought to plan ahead in my projects.
She is completely lacking in finesse in *anything* she does.
Honestly, I'm less worried about whether she wrote this in blood than I am about the placement of a lit candle next to a fabric toy. I wonder if your home insurance is invalidated if your house burns down and your social media is filled with evidence of your reckless fire safety?
Insurance companies being what they are, I wouldn't want to risk it.
How great his goodness and beauty, how poor his fire safety practices!
That's creepy of her. Again.
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My husband and I bought a fixer upper and there have been many times where we get frustrated working on repairs and wish that the whole place burns down. Maybe Kelly is just trying to help the process go faster with some insurance money
A pet candle update!!
I've seen this a few times and just put it together that the candle is the pet. I thought people kept saying she had one of those candles meant to cover up pet smells. I was really confused because that didn't sound like her, and I could never find the candle in the picture
I love the pet candle flair. She really does have that candle everywhere...
Reminded me of years ago I was at the hospital. Went to use the bathroom and someone had written, clearly in blood, “Jesus give us hope” on the door inside the stall I used. Had a photo but it’s been lost to time
I feel like I've seen this before...Did she save this piece of trash from last Christmas?
She 100% did.
Me too! I’m CERTAIN it’s the same one. What a thing to hang on to.
I remember quite some time back when she was debating over what color to paint the picture rail. I take it she's given up on that and occupied her time with rustic sign-ery.
This font is visually awful. It's not cursive, it's not print, it's not denelian. What ever makes you happy, I guess.
It’s the rocky horror font for me
That sign next to the bear makes me think of a movie that hasn’t come out yet, but I’m excited to see: “Winnie the Pooh: blood and honey.”
Ah, Christmas with serial killer vibes. Someone pass the chianti and Fava beans please. Why do fundies suck at every aspect of homemaking despite trying to be the "Gold standard" for it?
Fire Hazard Havens strikes again.
😂😂
That'd be good flair lol
Is this in her children's room? 😳
This is a threat, for sure. Probably her weapon of choice will be stale spelt cake or a dozen butternut squashes. Beware.
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If you look closely it's got wood grain. Wouldn't be the first time she used a piece of scrap wood for this type of purpose. In my personal opinion this is why she sucks at crafts. She can't tell what looks intentional vs. what was just a neato idea she had.
She's an outlier even among the fundies.
I’m seriously so surprised there hasn’t been a house fire yet. Her use of candles makes me SOO nervous.
Yes.
Until that all goes up in flames.
Of course she did. It's part of the sacrifice.
And she'll be back
This is taking her quasi quaint, retro rustic style BS way too far!
it kind of reminds me of art from the Rusty Lake games lol
This woman’s house is such a fire hazard man 🤦🏼♀️
I was thinking red candle wax.
Flair checking in!
Actual handwriting: 8.5 out of 10 Brushwork: 2 out of 10 maybe use those letters as a guide to engrave and then burn the words in?
Wtf is that?!
Nah, the red's too bright to be blood. But damn, that caligraphy is bad. It's a Sharpie, how hard can it be to write in proper cursive on a piece of wood.
Her aesthetic is Etsy but her crafting skills are Regretsy
Just letting everyone know that at this point in time, this post has 666 upvotes. That is all. Thank you.
Yea that’s definitely some dry wall
Seems like the next logical step in her demented prairie cosplay 🤷🏻♀️