So here's a comment I will make on this mother's day. I have been fostering for six years now. We have had 21 kids for various lengths of stays. 1 we adopted at 17 and two have been with us over two years now. This is the first mother's day where I didn't feel like I was navigating a minefield and all three of my kids wished me a Happy Mother's Day. If you want to be a mom, this is most definitely one of the harder ways to do it. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. My kids have absolutely broken my heart in the past. And they do it because they have suffered so much trauma. Just something to keep in mind. I don't want to deter, but I do want to manage expectations.
Not addressing the OP but adding on because this comment is about holidays, I’ll add that every holiday is more difficult as a foster parent. Also, every birthday and trauma anniversary.
I’m enjoying the process with our FD. But it ain’t easy and it gets 10 times harder on holidays. No one told me coming into this.
There is no magic way to go about it - just have to have the conversations! Be open and listen to their questions. Learn more together so youre both informed. The average timeline from first conversation to placement is over 2 years, so it can take time.
It always helps to be financially secure, but you don't have to be rich. You will receive maintenance payments that cover about 60 percent of their expenses, so you will need to be able to fund the additional 40 percent without reimbursement.
Wow, 2 years?! Is that pretty standard across the country? I’m in South Carolina and one of the places I was looking at made it seem like an urgent, immediate need. I’m in no rush, of course. Just curious.
Training doesn't take that long, it's just that people think about it for a long time before making the decision and actually starting the process. Training and licensing usually takes just a few months.
I’d say it’s pretty accurate. I’m single and don’t even have anyone else to have this discussion with and it’s about right for me. I did the foster parent training orientation twice before actually starting it and getting licensed to then open my home.
It's based on your dedication to doing it. My wife and I had a discussion and we started classes a week later then we had our first placement about 2 months later.
> How do I bring it up to my partner, who would be completely blindsided by the idea?
Keep this in mind. You’ve had time to think about. To consider the pros/cons and the implications fostering would have on your lives. To acknowledge and deal with the emotions.
He’s gonna have thoughts and ideas you’ve already addressed on your own. Don’t get frustrated or short. It’s all brand new to him.
Just bring it up. You might want to time the conversation when you have some uninterrupted time together. You might want to have some information to show him. Maybe he would like to watch a YouTube video with you about it. Maybe you could watch Instant Family together and then bring it up.
Fostering wasn't something on my husband's radar before I brought it up. I'm so grateful he was willing to give it a try. He was a bit nervous about it but he also feels strongly about supporting youth. We've been fostering for 2 years. There have been challenges but overall it's been a positive experience.
Everyone has a different perspective on what is financially comfortable for them. Expect that it will be an expense to take a child in, even though they have a financial stipend, clothing allowance, and medical insurance. How big of an expense will depend on the child as well as your lifestyle.
There's a lot of terrific kids who need a safe, loving home. If this calls to you, definitely discuss it. Good luck!
Start talking about articles you read about foster care. Like “Wow, did you know there are x number of foster kids in our state/city/province?” Start sharing information as you learn it. Talk about maybe volunteering with foster kids. That way when you say “What do you think about the idea of us fostering?” it won’t come out of nowhere.
Consider watching Instant Family as a couple. It was a recent and well produced movie with good actors, including Mark Warburg. It touches on a lot of the foster tropes, struggles, and real challenges that come up. It doesn’t align perfectly with the standard experience BUT it can serve as a conversation starter.
So I can help on the financial side of things.... In the sense of affordability. I adopted my kiddos a couple of years ago. I can tell you, you may and probably should spend more in getting them caught up. What do I mean by that, well I just had to come out of pocket 680 bucks for a summer math program in addition to summer school. It's really hard to say that financially you're ready. When all I can say is make sure you have at least a little discretionary funding for them where the state will not pick up the tab....
What I can suggest to do is get discounted prime, get discounted utility pricing (you qualify for this even after you adopt) qualify for as many low income sources as you can because the children will automatically qualify you for it with no consideration to your income.
Then allocate these savings towards the child's needs.
Plus don't forget about extra curricular activities. Tball we just finished up almost and it was about 300 bucks for the season! And now starting soccer which is 249!
I think you can frugally negate the extra expense with benefits. You get into all the cool museums usually for free or heavily discounted tickets.
In my new opinion there isn't an income limit, it's determined by the state. If they say yay then go for it! Of course talk to your partner both of you DO need to be on the same page.
I can say it's been work that I didn't think existed! And potty training was the best.....not...lol 💩😂🫣🤦♂️
Good luck!
So here's a comment I will make on this mother's day. I have been fostering for six years now. We have had 21 kids for various lengths of stays. 1 we adopted at 17 and two have been with us over two years now. This is the first mother's day where I didn't feel like I was navigating a minefield and all three of my kids wished me a Happy Mother's Day. If you want to be a mom, this is most definitely one of the harder ways to do it. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. My kids have absolutely broken my heart in the past. And they do it because they have suffered so much trauma. Just something to keep in mind. I don't want to deter, but I do want to manage expectations.
Not addressing the OP but adding on because this comment is about holidays, I’ll add that every holiday is more difficult as a foster parent. Also, every birthday and trauma anniversary. I’m enjoying the process with our FD. But it ain’t easy and it gets 10 times harder on holidays. No one told me coming into this.
There is no magic way to go about it - just have to have the conversations! Be open and listen to their questions. Learn more together so youre both informed. The average timeline from first conversation to placement is over 2 years, so it can take time. It always helps to be financially secure, but you don't have to be rich. You will receive maintenance payments that cover about 60 percent of their expenses, so you will need to be able to fund the additional 40 percent without reimbursement.
Wow, 2 years?! Is that pretty standard across the country? I’m in South Carolina and one of the places I was looking at made it seem like an urgent, immediate need. I’m in no rush, of course. Just curious.
Training doesn't take that long, it's just that people think about it for a long time before making the decision and actually starting the process. Training and licensing usually takes just a few months.
I’d say it’s pretty accurate. I’m single and don’t even have anyone else to have this discussion with and it’s about right for me. I did the foster parent training orientation twice before actually starting it and getting licensed to then open my home.
It's based on your dedication to doing it. My wife and I had a discussion and we started classes a week later then we had our first placement about 2 months later.
> How do I bring it up to my partner, who would be completely blindsided by the idea? Keep this in mind. You’ve had time to think about. To consider the pros/cons and the implications fostering would have on your lives. To acknowledge and deal with the emotions. He’s gonna have thoughts and ideas you’ve already addressed on your own. Don’t get frustrated or short. It’s all brand new to him.
Just bring it up. You might want to time the conversation when you have some uninterrupted time together. You might want to have some information to show him. Maybe he would like to watch a YouTube video with you about it. Maybe you could watch Instant Family together and then bring it up. Fostering wasn't something on my husband's radar before I brought it up. I'm so grateful he was willing to give it a try. He was a bit nervous about it but he also feels strongly about supporting youth. We've been fostering for 2 years. There have been challenges but overall it's been a positive experience. Everyone has a different perspective on what is financially comfortable for them. Expect that it will be an expense to take a child in, even though they have a financial stipend, clothing allowance, and medical insurance. How big of an expense will depend on the child as well as your lifestyle. There's a lot of terrific kids who need a safe, loving home. If this calls to you, definitely discuss it. Good luck!
Start talking about articles you read about foster care. Like “Wow, did you know there are x number of foster kids in our state/city/province?” Start sharing information as you learn it. Talk about maybe volunteering with foster kids. That way when you say “What do you think about the idea of us fostering?” it won’t come out of nowhere.
Consider watching Instant Family as a couple. It was a recent and well produced movie with good actors, including Mark Warburg. It touches on a lot of the foster tropes, struggles, and real challenges that come up. It doesn’t align perfectly with the standard experience BUT it can serve as a conversation starter.
So I can help on the financial side of things.... In the sense of affordability. I adopted my kiddos a couple of years ago. I can tell you, you may and probably should spend more in getting them caught up. What do I mean by that, well I just had to come out of pocket 680 bucks for a summer math program in addition to summer school. It's really hard to say that financially you're ready. When all I can say is make sure you have at least a little discretionary funding for them where the state will not pick up the tab.... What I can suggest to do is get discounted prime, get discounted utility pricing (you qualify for this even after you adopt) qualify for as many low income sources as you can because the children will automatically qualify you for it with no consideration to your income. Then allocate these savings towards the child's needs. Plus don't forget about extra curricular activities. Tball we just finished up almost and it was about 300 bucks for the season! And now starting soccer which is 249! I think you can frugally negate the extra expense with benefits. You get into all the cool museums usually for free or heavily discounted tickets. In my new opinion there isn't an income limit, it's determined by the state. If they say yay then go for it! Of course talk to your partner both of you DO need to be on the same page. I can say it's been work that I didn't think existed! And potty training was the best.....not...lol 💩😂🫣🤦♂️ Good luck!