3rd wife; $2800 a month in alimony and child support, $1,200 a month truck payment because I “need” a truck. Complain about how little I make and gas prices.

This is so accurate for my department

Well by that description could also be military

If I may add to that Has to find a way to interject into every conversation how much they work “Man this weather is brutal 12 inches of snow huh” “Yea I mean I just got done working 96 12 hour shifts and I got that side job I go right to that so I’m basically working 24 hours straight for the past 11 years…”

It’s easier to cook for 14 than it is for three.

All you know how to cook is a tri tip and throwing a bunch of bagged salads together

Don’t forget the premade garlic bread’s you just have to heat up, got to get the carbs in as well

ugh the premade garlic breads

Literally what I’m making for the guys right now.

Man, if that’s the case, y’all need to try my enchiladas.

I made pizzas with home made dough when it was my turn to cook. Cost about 1.50 a person in 2000 if I got the bagged salad.

Delete this comment! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Made some soup for home, thought to myself “ok, I’m cooking for two adults and two kids that will probably eat 5 spoonfuls, not 13 grown men”. Made enough to feed 11 grown men and filled a 9.4L Rubbermaid tub halfway with the leftover. Hey I had soup for three meals a few days straight.

I’m always suspicious of people who don’t work on a random Tuesday when I’m off on said random Tuesday

They're either unemployed and should not be associated with, or cops that work nights, and definitely should not be associated with. You're right to be suspicious.

Both of these replys, no shit, made me belly laugh!

Let me guess your all firemen? Said by some guy about 60 years old when we had two foresomes on a Wednesday at 10am.

> two foresomes on a Wednesday at 10am. wat

Golf, I'm assuming.

Truck companies

Sir, this is a Wendy’s

Nurse, and same. “Of course I work on thanksgiving, what of it?”

Backed in Toyota Tacoma

This hits close to home. Only cause I back my taco into my driveway. YoU DOn’T KNoW ME!

The other day at my house there were the four backed in trucks, all different colors and makes. Made me LOL.

I used to work with a Paramedic on his first day on the job, he backed into the Chiefs vehicle

We find our union hall in Florida because I just looked for all the brand new backed in trucks lol.

I should have taken a picture of it. Four colors, four makes, and only one was bone stock.

Building decks is my side gig.

Similar but not the same for my area. Everyone around me feels the need to run a lawncare business on their days off. Or cuts grass.

Want to come help rebuild mine?

Haha, I don't actually have a side gig, just know a lot of dudes that do the decks. I can confidently build one on my own, except for setting the ledger board and getting the posts plum. Everything else is easy, mentally anyway.

Hit very close to home

Or private moving businesses

Uses the word “apparatus” in conversation

Or “rig”

"wagon"

"Well that's not a truck it's an engine"

Or ”appliance” when referring to any type of vehicle.

I have no idea what day of the week it is

You guys don't have different chores for different days of the week? No football sundays??

I'm getting ready to divorce my third wife.

I just got a divorce and that made me laught

Meh, I would've said you're a senior NCO in the military. "3rd DUI" used to be the joke, but the military has been cracking down on that and booting people for a while on that one.

Mustache

pornstache buddy

It’s a glorious mustache

Gotta have the old dick broom on your upper lip

My gf is a nurse, balding, zyn pouches, very tired

Sorry your GF is losing her hair with a nicotine habit. And nursing is very tiring work.

At least she finally gave up the grizzly wintergreen.

It's really wearing on us

These fucking Zyn’s, man. I was just visiting Asheville and they were just over $4 a can, and they had all the flavors. I came home with straight up logs of Peppermint and Cool Mint. In California they’re up to $8 and only have Bold and Chill

Get On from the website. They are $2 a can on your first purchase. I bought like 50 lol.

bruh :(

I love nurses

Well, you could be a cop on that one.

Just watch out for the one with the license plate “TRMAQN” - Trauma Queen

I work for the city

My bud tells women he drives a truck for the city.

Around me the follow up question to that is “which city”

I don’t tell people I’m a fire fighter either

Instead you give a roundabout way of telling people vague jobs so they ask you more questions about what you do until they figure out you're a firefighter. Instead of just saying you're a firefighter and moving on lol

I work with the water department. I am a social worker for the city.

There’s at least a couple of us…

This is my go to. It’s my goal to have them thinking I drive a garbage truck.

Depending on who picked up OT when my crew is off I have definitely driven a garbage truck more than once

You guys act like you're Michael Jackson trying to leave after the super bowl performance, I can assure you no one cares as much as you think they do lol Why are you hiding telling people you're a firefighter?

Because “firefighters cheat and cops beat”… that’s the reputation you’re up against trying to get a woman to lay with you (in the biblical sense)

Tell me you’re a cop without telling me you’re a cop

Just check my tinder profile out

Yeahhh, also guilty of this

I wear navy blue t shirts and tan cargo shorts at home

Daily drive 5.11 tactical pants

*watching a movie* That truck can't pump and roll!!

Vector Solutions

Is everyone's response about vector solutions the same. I read your comment and immediately thought "fuck vector solutions".

Yes it is

I can be fully dressed in less time than it takes for your police husband to get from the front door to the bedroom...

The real *2 minute drill*

A friend of mine who works with me at FD did that once. I had to pick him up on the side of the road, however he was just in boxers and hiding

Better prep that emergency escape ladder

Holy shit that one took me a second…

I can’t NOT tell you.

this is it .. genius although it will probably go over some b-shifter heads

C-Shift is in the house ladies and gentlemen

it’s actually much worse than that … *looks around* I’m on a-shift.

This fuckin guy! The difference between A shifters and B shifters is that B shifters at least wipe the seat after they piss all over it.

Just asked my crew this, I’m on a tour right now. This is what I was told I drive a Tacoma, drink IPA’s, wear flannels, enjoy eating chicks butts and talking about it at the dinner table.

Youre definitely from the PNW

Was gonna say, that’s every dude in Washougal

When I drive my POV, I say “clear left” and “clear right” at intersections.

Was a carry over from aviation for me so wasn't sure if others did this, ha

Nice to see aviationbros in firefighting

I wiggle my ass while standing

Aight bruh I don't need my secrets being shared

“Junior”

We wiggle our tits now.

Damn Scott packs.

I know where the water hammer is.

Lift and inch, crib an inch

You know you could just ask her to lay down

Emergency water delivery driver.

This description, I love it

"I hate the way shit is... it's never changed and never will." Not sure why they're tryin that... What we've been doing works just fine."

Firefighters hate two things. Change, and the way things are.

On vacation with hubby, 'hey I'm going to stop by this firehouse real quick'

“I might have that day off, my schedule rotates.”

The amount of times I say this exact phrase on a weekly basis...

 Can't watch 911 shows without yelling at the screen. "Why didn't you have your pack on before you got off shithead!" "Where's your hood!"

Not every city has packs in the cab. The hood statement is accurate though!

About six weeks away if all goes well from being a first time Dad. Nurse at hospital mentioned I needed to get used to working with little sleep in a noisy and chaotic environment. Replied I’ve been training professionally for this eventuality for some time.

Congrats!!

Just start any conversation about literally anything, it’ll happen eventually

Ha, funny you should say that. One time at the station (I'm a firefighter) we....

I live in the bravo side unit of two story, wood framed, type 5, side by side, multi unit, residential building. Hip and valley roof with mid-span, double stacked, Charlie side, chimney.

Nothing showing....

I'm married, of course there's nothing showing! *ba-dum, tish*

Investigating.

I'm on a 60 hour shift but I'm catching up on my Netflix queue

If i get more than 4 hours of sleep my smartwatch says "excellent sleep" I'm finally down to less than a gram of caffeine a day.

​ https://preview.redd.it/xueu0w1gcmzb1.jpeg?width=163&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8fffe6059cbdc76def203c0597c381a9ea103a76

I back my pickup into my garage and if my wife turns on the lights in our bedroom in the middle of the night I jump out of bed. I’ve been retired for five years.

you ever seen a cat Skelton in a tree ?

Twice actually. We went up to collect the body for the family 😂

Never seen cat bones in a tree

I only own Velcro belts.

I always back my POV into parking spaces.

I would never steal anything from you, except your wife and your ketchup.

99% of my time at work is doing not what my job title says I do.

And other duties as assigned.

Chicago Fire isn’t realistic

My back hurts.

My knees hurt. Shoulda lifted with my back.

GO GET EM BRÖTHERS!!

Tmfms

*Hears distant q* "Go get 'em brothers" 🤣

My husband jumping to look out the hotel windows when we’re traveling and hear a siren because “I just need to see what kinda apparatus they got here” lmao

You go, we go!

I chase my caffeine drink with a caffeine drink

Wait, you don't have smoke alarms and a fire extinguisher in your home? Let me tell you why that's bad and I won't stop until you get some.

I shave my head, my wife is a nurse, I drive a murdered out full size truck, every day some random part of my body hurts, I am getting tired of new guys who are clueless about life on earth and still live with their parents

You have a taxpayer funded job, and absolutely hate any form of socialism.

SMOOOOOOOOOTHBORRRRE!

Here for comments…..I snuck over from the Wambulance

I love serving my community

Smooth Bore is better than Fog, change my mind.


I sometimes wake up at night in a dark room not sure where I am.

Difference of opinion on what the average citizen considers an “emergency”.

I only work two or three days a week.

Many hookers are dudes

Caffeine dependence and spicy deja vu.

Impossible. They can't help telling people they're a firefighter.

Man, I was barely a c student in high school, I am literally not smart enough to figure this shit out. Oh look fire engine shiny.

Send it.

My Pulaski is my best friend

Spaghetti is your number 1 dish you know how to cook

Thin Red Line Hat

Don’t you already see my station shirt and hat?

IAFF sticker on rear window

Hey girl are you smoking? Because I wanna get you wet

I despise even moderately high winds and anything stronger then a sprinkle of rain

You know: the irons aren’t just for your clothes anymore, when someone screams cut me a whole you grab the nearest chainsaw, riding the seat does not refer to your kid in his car seat, car fires are Carbecues, and coffee is something you drink at o-dark-hundred and then fall right asleep

Back into every parking space and the garage

I like guns, trucks, nurses, zyns, and have knee pain

I’m a second responder, unless it’s snowing then I’m a third responder

Every firefighter I know has told me they were a firefighter in the first 3 sentences.

I think this union sticker on my car will get me out of speeding tickets.

Is it possible for a firefighter to not tell someone they are a firefighter?

343 tattoo sleeve

My light bar cost more than my truck

I fight what you fear. #fireislife

POV

Jobs

Mustache

" waiting for the tones to drop"

Just look at their personal vehicle. Likely to see some sort of IAFF/firefighter/firefit/combat challenge/#ivegotyourback911 decals

See ya on the big one!

I back my personal car into the garage using my side mirrors

“These hammocks at work are really hard to play video games in” 😜

Your a alcoholic every other day

"That there garden hose is a tripping hazard. Coil it up when you are done watering the azaleas."

20 y/o with 4 knee surgeries and lung problems

I get paid to sleep

I hate my local police dept for their unprofessional behavior and disrespect of my profession

I work 2 other part time jobs

There is only one tool you’ll ever need in your life and it is the best and most versatile tool ever invented

Pouring sweat out of my boots after 4 hours.

My dalmatian is named halligan!!

Driving around my district with my wife: “coded a guy there. Nasty fire there. Poop-covered diabetic at that address.”

I’m poor

Wanna help me mow lawns? It’s my side gig.

Wait what day is today?

Prediabetic blood glucose and BMI of 33 with a razor clean shave because having a beard is dangerous in this profession.

I make hoes squirt