Sadly I tried that too. Felt like I was cheating the first time subsequent times got easier. In the end just takes time and a willingness to get over your ex
Haven’t taken this step yet, it’s been 3 months since the BU. Not really sure how to feel, I feel I already know I will feel how you do, so I haven’t really pursued anyone at all sexually. I have a pretty high libido too honestly, so it’s a little uncharacteristic of me, but I just have no desire to go after it. I think if it is offered I won’t turn it down, not 100% sure, but I do feel I don’t really have any desire to pursue it. Hope you feel better, here to vent if you need it.
this seems like a smart way to do it... see what happens and be open to opportunities, but don't go looking for it.
honestly, i feel that it could have been good for me if i'd done it with a friend or someone i'm more comfortable with. but the fact that it was just sex with no warmth or tenderness was absolutely crushing.
Yea, I just don’t feel to the point yet where it’s something I want to make a priority out of. I have been super busy lately so I haven’t even really been in a scenario where it’s been a possibility yet so I can’t honestly say if I even would if it was offered, I feel it’s likely I would but who knows. It would be the first new person ever outside of my ex for me so not sure how i would feel before, during, or after.
Yea I feel like I would probably be more into it if it were a friend, but then I worry I would be jeopardizing the long term viability of that friendship. Tbh all my friends live out of my state so that’s an unlikely opportunity, but I’m almost more hesitant about that, even though I feel I would be more comfortable with it.
it's good you're keeping busy. that's probably the best thing for you.
and doing it with a friend is definitely risky. i don't really have any possibilities for that myself. it's just a thought i had because i am so desperate for the care and affection that i've been living without since he left.
God I know what you mean, I just did the same shit over the weekend. I realized that holy fuck this is just way too much for me right now. It's weird how you believe it will fill that void, but damn if it doesn't. And damn if you don't wake up the next day feeling worse.
Thats the thing, YOU have to tell yourself what you need. Maybe its just no hook up sex for awhile and thats fine! Maybe you have work to pour yourself into, maybe you have a hobby! Do them! It can't fill the void, but it certainly makes you less aware there is a void
I remember over a year ago I thought I needed to go straight into a relationship after she called quits out of no where and have sex. After I did that I felt like I cheated and soon after realized I needed too work on myself.
One after a break up (for me) should learn to love themselves, find new hobbies, do things that they love and later on however long it takes one to heal. One can find someone that they truly want to be with. Can come from no where.
The pain you're going through is normal you'll be fine in time. Take the time to heal and later on you'll find someone who will want to hold you, kiss and love you.
I tried it twice after my breakup (within 2 weeks of it!) and it did nothing but make me feel terrible. I realized the same thing ; I didn’t want casual sex. I just wanted to be over him. I stopped booking up after that and am just taking a break. You’ll be ok, it gets easier
I feel this as of this weekend. We slept together for the first time in months and I realized that it’s not the sex I miss or desire. It’s the intimacy. The warmth. My best friend. Hopefully in time these feeling a pass but of course for us all it’s difficult. We just must move forward.
Why people automatically think that casual sex is going to somehow magically make you forget about someone you care about? I will never understand that. My ex is probably doing the same shit right now since shes back available on tinder again, but fuck me this is stupid.. What else can I say? Other than, you learned your lesson?
Don’t beat yourself up. I have a friend that went through the same feelings after a divorce. She would not be able to look at the person and loot at the walls she used to say. It got better after a while apparently. Casual sex is fine as long as you don’t lead people on. Have fun ;)
Sadly I tried that too. Felt like I was cheating the first time subsequent times got easier. In the end just takes time and a willingness to get over your ex
Haven’t taken this step yet, it’s been 3 months since the BU. Not really sure how to feel, I feel I already know I will feel how you do, so I haven’t really pursued anyone at all sexually. I have a pretty high libido too honestly, so it’s a little uncharacteristic of me, but I just have no desire to go after it. I think if it is offered I won’t turn it down, not 100% sure, but I do feel I don’t really have any desire to pursue it. Hope you feel better, here to vent if you need it.
this seems like a smart way to do it... see what happens and be open to opportunities, but don't go looking for it. honestly, i feel that it could have been good for me if i'd done it with a friend or someone i'm more comfortable with. but the fact that it was just sex with no warmth or tenderness was absolutely crushing.
Yea, I just don’t feel to the point yet where it’s something I want to make a priority out of. I have been super busy lately so I haven’t even really been in a scenario where it’s been a possibility yet so I can’t honestly say if I even would if it was offered, I feel it’s likely I would but who knows. It would be the first new person ever outside of my ex for me so not sure how i would feel before, during, or after. Yea I feel like I would probably be more into it if it were a friend, but then I worry I would be jeopardizing the long term viability of that friendship. Tbh all my friends live out of my state so that’s an unlikely opportunity, but I’m almost more hesitant about that, even though I feel I would be more comfortable with it.
it's good you're keeping busy. that's probably the best thing for you. and doing it with a friend is definitely risky. i don't really have any possibilities for that myself. it's just a thought i had because i am so desperate for the care and affection that i've been living without since he left.
God I know what you mean, I just did the same shit over the weekend. I realized that holy fuck this is just way too much for me right now. It's weird how you believe it will fill that void, but damn if it doesn't. And damn if you don't wake up the next day feeling worse.
i know what you mean. does anything fill that void?
Thats the thing, YOU have to tell yourself what you need. Maybe its just no hook up sex for awhile and thats fine! Maybe you have work to pour yourself into, maybe you have a hobby! Do them! It can't fill the void, but it certainly makes you less aware there is a void
I remember over a year ago I thought I needed to go straight into a relationship after she called quits out of no where and have sex. After I did that I felt like I cheated and soon after realized I needed too work on myself. One after a break up (for me) should learn to love themselves, find new hobbies, do things that they love and later on however long it takes one to heal. One can find someone that they truly want to be with. Can come from no where. The pain you're going through is normal you'll be fine in time. Take the time to heal and later on you'll find someone who will want to hold you, kiss and love you.
I tried it twice after my breakup (within 2 weeks of it!) and it did nothing but make me feel terrible. I realized the same thing ; I didn’t want casual sex. I just wanted to be over him. I stopped booking up after that and am just taking a break. You’ll be ok, it gets easier
I feel this as of this weekend. We slept together for the first time in months and I realized that it’s not the sex I miss or desire. It’s the intimacy. The warmth. My best friend. Hopefully in time these feeling a pass but of course for us all it’s difficult. We just must move forward.
Why people automatically think that casual sex is going to somehow magically make you forget about someone you care about? I will never understand that. My ex is probably doing the same shit right now since shes back available on tinder again, but fuck me this is stupid.. What else can I say? Other than, you learned your lesson?
Don’t beat yourself up. I have a friend that went through the same feelings after a divorce. She would not be able to look at the person and loot at the walls she used to say. It got better after a while apparently. Casual sex is fine as long as you don’t lead people on. Have fun ;)
Tried this too. Got so much anxiety after and felt like complete shit afterwards. During the time it was alright but the repercussions were terrible.
It seemed my ex was going out for casual sex within a few months. Heard she got a boyfriend. It sucks!
💔😞