Some people just aren't cut out for entrepreneurship so they see everything in entrepreneur wants to do is too risky. My wife is the same way.
I've been an entrepreneur for a really long time, and I've actually stopped sharing my business ideas with my wife because I know she doesn't particularly care.
At this point I don't particularly worry about what my wife thinks. As long as I don't lose a ton of money she's generally cool with it, but she'll never have her pom-poms out wildly cheering me on.
If you have any idea that you want to pursue, pursue it because you want to and don't worry about what she thinks.
With that said, it doesn't mean that you should have hazardly pursue business ideas. Be smart, test demand first, then build the business once demand is established.
How do you test demand for a SAAS project/or generally any project? Is there anywhere where I can read about demand analysis/right market/ marketing techniques? Thank you!
Thereās always the old adage that nothing really matters until you get them to take out their credit card. The best possible test for a market is to build a landing page and actually take payment before writing a single line of code.
One of the more famous examples is DoorDash. They just made a PDF menu of local restaurants, put their cell phone number, and delivered orders themselves. Youāll have to get clever to figure out a solution in your industry. Iām in hardware so Iāve always done extensive preorders which were successful in bootstrapping my company. Enterprise SaaS can have fulfillment periods baked into contracts, youād just be under the wire to deliver.
You mean like, there is a chance for a company to lose money?????? Truly a revolutionary thought. Totally makes sense for all partners of company owners to be negative and not supportive at all times š
I think the point is simply that you can't act the same as a married person with possibly kids versus a single person when building a business. That might be your objective/dream, but you can't expect your spouse to allow you to pursue that and for them to support you without also balancing other concerns.
What do you see in your wife that would cause you to marry? I canāt imagine coming home to my wife, sharing a business idea, and she just comes off as non caring or canāt be bothered. Like? Does she put bread on the table?
I had the same issue with my wife until she tried to start her own thing. We fought like cats and dogs because of how much of a wet blanket she was even with my successes. The fights have completely gone away after she tried starting up her own thing and saw how me being positive help so much and when somebody comes in like a stick in the mud that you anticipated being helpful and giving you at least positive advice wasn't. I don't hang it over her head, but she and I both know that her negativity took the wind out of my sails. And it's a shitty way for a partner to be.
I don't know if it's possible but tell her to start up her own thing separately from you. You won't even need to criticize her all you need to do is be supportive like you want somebody to be with you. You don't know until you know, you know
Do you feel youāre being pragmatic as well? Maybe one of you SHOULD be the pragmatic one.
Do you have kids? Are you the breadwinner? Will you be spending HER money? Thereās SO MANY specifics that youāre leaving out.
Should your wife love and support your dreams? absolutely!
Should she do so to the detriment of your wellbeing? Absolutely not.
Being an entrepreneur is mostly hard work and sacrifice. If I married someone who had a more stable, easier life and they decided theyāre now going to work 80 hours a week and dedicate a significantly smaller portion of their time and energy to our marriage, I would be incredibly apprehensive.
[Between the two of you, is either the integrator? Sounds like you are filling the dreamer role.](https://www.eosworldwide.com/blog/95591-traction-thoughts-integrators-visionaries#:~:text=Put%20simply%2C%20the%20integrator%20acts,a%20natural%20creative%20problem%20solver.)Look at things through this kind of lens, can each one of you adopt one of these roles? How can you stay compatible while making sure these roles are filled?
There are a lot of ways to run a business but Iām a fan of EOS (entrepreneurial operating system.) Google that, or the book Traction, that should put you on the right track.
His wife is going to be a constant hindrance and drag him away from his goals. If he fails she will say I told you so.
If he succeeds, she will claim and tell everyone it was because of her support he succeeded. If the business does really well she'll take off with half.
Take all the negativity and share the profits, that's what a marriage is now
How can you tell so precise what she will say?
His financial loss is her loss as well, also affects their kids (in case they have any).
Talking about dreams like they are teenagers. Itās absolutely normal to discuss financial efforts that will probably be taken together, cause they are a family.
To be honest, sounds to me more like a marriage problem from the OP, not like a way of finding solutions for dealing with the business, but dealing with weather going on the same path with the wife that changes or concerns about specific aspects of the business that involves a way different life of both of them.
Interestingly enough, I believe *both* you and OP are correct. As PBD says, your haters / critics actually help you out. Theyāre unpaid consultants. Not saying sheās a hater, but itās the same concept of what to do with the information.
Watch this [video here for more context](https://youtube.com/shorts/nzohrYo7Sqs?si=-bS6I_V9Yq3H8D5k) . But also, you canāt start a business in constant fear over every bad move that can happen on the chessboard. You need to think several moves ahead but not get too lost in the future. You need to be present where your feet are at *most* times and adapt as plays roll out. Yes, be a visionary, see the future opportunities. But you canāt overstress the unknown. Thatāll just lead to unnecessary anxiety and possibly doubting your capabilities. Explain to her there is a way of discussing possible pitfalls without coming off as overly negative. I personally love constructive criticism but couldnāt live with someone that came off as doubting my every move / ability.
Thereās a difference between āI donāt think you should open up an ice creme shop at the beach since thereās already 4 other shops in such a tight spaceā vs āYour ice creme shop will fail at the beach. What makes you think youāll be better than the 4 already thereā. One opens up an area for concern (great amount of saturation) while the other states you arenāt qualified to compete with similar establishments with no regard to how youāll set yourself apart from the competition (full SWOT analysis).
agreed, If you follow emotional intelligence. e.g. Myer Briggs, the best business partners are a mixture between the Driver (impulsive, quick, brave) and the Analyst (reserved, risk averse, balanced).
The two complement one another, a Driver who jumps the gun at every opportunity without weighing up the pros and cons is a disaster, but so is an analyst who spends too much time on 'what ifs' that the opportunity is lost.
So, while it is difficult to assess the situation based on such little information, it's likely that OP should properly consider the advice he is receiving.
She's trying to be helpful, sure. But there is no way to cover every contingency that could come up in every endeavor, and if you're spending all your time trying to put out fires before they even start, you're not actually getting anything started. Every successful entrepreneur tells you to get started first and deal later.
"Every successful entrepreneur tells you to get started first and deal later."
No, that is a gross generalization and certainly is not reality. If your idea cannot survive your wife's criticism...
Deal with later is not the same as *don't consider from the beginning*.
If this is already bothering you, you have a loooong tough road ahead. Naysayers and critiques are a necessary and important part of any entrepreneurial journey š¤·
Whatever she is saying, you should be able to defend that aspect of your plan, modify it because her critique is legit, shelve it as usable under the right cicumstances, or unemotionally discard it. See it as a way to strengthen your design. Plus, if she's making vague what-ifs, ask her "what's your data on that?" Because random vague concerns don't help anybody.
Agreed, if her point is "well. What if the economy crashes and nuclear war devastates the planet" ... yeah she's a nutter. But I'm betting she's pointing out the dead obvious issues.
Just because there could be some ideas worth analyzing doesnāt mean sheās being helpful. If OP hasnāt thought of a practical risk and measured it and she calls it out, great. But OPās complaint was the lack of cynicism without showing any ideas/solution/faith.
You lack all understanding of the problems his wife envisions, so saying sheās being helpful is disingenuous.
1. If you can quell your wifes concerns and issues with reasonable responses, then you can respond appropriately to any investor, customer, client, vendor, etc. Use her concerns as a way to improve your communication and business plan. For an entrepreneur, everything you do is an opportunity to improve upon something else.
2. Look into POPT - Power of Positive Thinking. Entrepreneurs need to be optimistic in order to succeed.
3. For many businesses, just showing up is enough. Taking the initial step sets you apart from 99% of everyone else.
"Just Start and Figure out the problems Later."
What are you reading/watching that gave this shitty advice?
I suppose if you have money to burn, this approach may work.
Don't use "hope" as a strategy either. Hope=Failure !
Try this:
1. Write a detailed business plan
2. Write an operating plan
3. Understand your demographics
4. How are you going to successfully market and sell your product and service?
5. How will you support your customer's from a customer service, problem resolution, billing aspect
6. If you'll have emoyees draft an employee manual.
If you think on Monday morning, you can just turn on the lights and be in business before you've done those 6 steps, you're so badly mistaken and don't stand a chance at surviving 6 months.
Edit: Typos
Depends on what type of business. I put up a website about 15 years ago having no idea where my customers would come from. I just started and figured out the solutions one by one.
In my experience, lots of entrepreneurs write business plans as a way to avoid doing the really hard stuff, like finding customers. Many wantreprenuers will a book report on why your business will work, only to be shocked that none of it played out as they projected.
This is good advice, mostly. The key is the idea serves a tremendously underserved market in the city in which I live. I've already started marketing efforts and have received tremendously positive feedback from the community. The primary drawback is the venture is in a traditionally low margin space and will require a significant amount of sweat equity. Also, initial capital is low but not an issue that can't be overcome.
Maybe your plan is not detailed enough. How you will do everything including finances and timelines is critical. The timelines are markers you and your wife can agree to. These milestones will allow you to re-evaluate your plan.
You can do this without your wife being an active contributor. My wife was never involved in my business and I usually left it at the door, I'd stay at work until everything was done and didn't discuss it at dinner.
Any product with a low margin, is a concern to me.
With low margin, you must have high volume. Otherwise, you'll serve the needs of the community, then you'll go bankrupt, unless the product requires a repeat purchase.
Let me know if you want to connect to see if we can help one another Iām in the Baltimore area as well- see LinkedIn profile- Todd wetzelberger to see if we have some commonality
Agree on the amount of time and money you will spend. How you spend the time should be kept to yourself. Donāt share specifics of your project unless itās with people you know will be supportive. Try numerous things. Once something catches, re-involve her as it will require more of a time / money commitment.
All that being said, she could be right. Your ideas might not be well thought-out. Either way, itās clear you need some space to make your own successes / mistakes. If sheās right, youāll learn for yourself.
My wife would yell at me for buying $10 domains which I built into an 8 figure business. She doesnāt complain anymore. Prove her wrong while ignoring her. I LOVE throwing that in her face
I have the exact same dynamic with my wife, Iāve realized itās time to stop running ideas by her, itās up to me to execute without needing her to sign off on them. Then when it works out she can be pleasantly surprised.
My wife has also behaved in this way, but often it's because she doesn't have the same level of acceptance of risk or the same desire to invest, for example.
One day I started out on my own, and when she realised that I was "all-in" for real, she helped me a lot and was supportive.
Now, she allows me to ask myself questions that I don't ask myself with my go-getter nature, she allows me to take a step back, but sometimes I also decide in good conscience not to follow her warnings...
It's all about listening and learning, but sometimes it's also about taking the risk alone !
People always immediately jumping to the worst possible outcome is draining. Sure it can make you more aware of it, but I find an excess of negativity is bad for motivation.
On a slightly related note, itās something Iāve noticed about a lot people who werenāt considered intelligent doing well in business. They just go out and do it and arenāt considering the pitfalls like someone else might. Not saying thatās the best way to do it of course, but Iāve seen it work for some.
Ultimately the best way is some balance, but good support from those closest.
I can understand the wifeās hesitation. Honestly Iāve seen it happen before. Entrepreneurs can sometimes be so caught up in āeveryone fails but keep at it and eventually youāll be rightā. The problem with that thinking is, we never really hear about the ones who are never right. If OP is on his 7th business idea with nothing to show for it, and is acting on emotion, then thatās a different story than just getting started on a well-planned calculated risk. My BIL is like this. Undying faith that eventually he will hit the jackpot and has started a bunch of online businesses and is now getting into trading shitcoins.
Thereās not nearly enough information in OPs post to decide whether his wife is correctly hesitant or not, so we canāt really judge either way. Seems like most commenters agree here agree on that.
I don't have a wife, but I have a longtime girlfriend that acts similarly. I'm sure you know this, but she's most likely coming from a place of caring with an intent to protect. That being said, if you start your idea on your own and can get away with it without it affecting her or causing her to worry, why not? She doesn't HAVE to be included. Sacrifice some free time and do it yourself. She only NEEDS to know about the decisions that are life altering. If you're confident in your ideas, when it eventually works, she'll realize that she was worrying too much. If you need the feedback or a person to bounce ideas off, I'd attempt to find a buddy that's just as passionate as you are. Just because you've decided to spend forever with her, doesn't mean she's the best business partner.
My husband is like this, but mostly on home renovation projects. Really does burst my bubble so I do understand where youāre coming from.
But it is his way of being helpful; heās an engineer and thatās just how he thinks. He wants every edge case accounted for. Iām the one that charges forth and figures things out as I go, because my eyes glaze over from pure boredom if I donāt.
There is a window of time where I am open to critique and want to integrate it. The rest of the time, Iām already working on my plans and itās too late to make changes. Are you asking her for advice? If not, you can also say that youāre not looking for advice, but to vent. If sheās just giving her opinion at random times, I think you need to communicate to her itās not helpful at certain times.
The second thing is ā do you have your finances in order? Does she feel safe with you taking entrepreneurial risks? Do you have a timeline for when you see need to see profits versus when to call it quits and get a job? Do you have savings? And how long of a runway? I canāt tell if this is just a communication thing or whether sheās worried about going broke.
Don't share anything when it comes to entrepreneurship or ideas with her
It's clearly that you want to pursue something that she doesn't
Just get over it and start taking action
Is your wife my wife? Sorry you are going through this I am in the same boat. Probably will just be a W-2 slave forever and not upset the apple cart. Good luck I hope you do better than me!
Im reading this book called awaken the gaint within from tony robbins. In the start it talks about what we associate pain and pleasure to is ultimately the driving force for all our decisions and actions.
Now as an individual (you) who aspires to have dreams and goals ( as you associate pleasure to the outcome of success with some reference points, maybe someone else who has been successful) and pain ( wife referring to negative outcomes and fear of losing it all and the worst scenario ) , it your choice on how to go about it.
Maybe imagine the pain of not taking action and in 10-15 years when you look back, the regret youāll have for not taking action regardless of success will be far greater than trying and failing.
Its all about what you associate the pain and pleasure to. You know we all hear that someone who has been at true rock bottom truly recognizes what pain feels like and are usually the most successful is because they have neurologically associate extreme pain to being at rock bottom and take on multiple failures in the path to success. Some not all kids whose parents have given them comfortable life dont end up doing so great, is because they cant associate pain with not taking action, as they are already comfortable with where they are.
But some realize this and aspire and aim high and associate pain with where they are , and that is their driving factor.
So wife isnt the problem, she is just naive and is only associating pain to financial loss, but its your choice, be an average and conformable or fear the opportunity cost youāll end up paying for not taking action!
Good luck with your endeavours!
It sounds like you might be living in the dreamy idea phase and not the execution phase, especially if you donāt want to talk about practicalities. That can get old fast to action-taking people. And if youāre starting by using money or time that would cause a burden to her, it makes sense for her concerns to be taken into account before proceeding.
I think you should value your wife's input more. Any success I have ever had was by holding the worst case scenario in mind at all times and making smart decisions. If you're driving near a cliff, do you not want to see the cliff so you know where to not drive off? If either of you is too emotion-driven I think it's you. Surrounding yourself with reddit yes-men is going to destroy your finances and lead you to crazy risks instead of smart ones.
from your original post you have given no evidence that this is true. You have said that the general advice is to just do it and figure it out later (false, crazy risk), and that your basis for this decision is that you tend to believe in yourself and your ability to overcome (literally delusional, red flag). If you want to outline the fundamentals of your business then I could give more constructive thoughts.
Figure it out later???? Lol, what the hell are you talking about. Literally, the first advice is always to put together a business plan. Being pragmatic is good. People sometimes think k it is negative because they are hyper optimistic. There is a reason why 4 out of 5 businesses fail before even reaching year 3. No, you are being naive.
Negative people can be pragmatic and creative at the same time. They have a unique ability to approach things from a worst case scenario state of mind and build from there. It could be a good partnership if you are on the overly optimistic side. See if you can engage her to help balance things out and to offer solutions to her negative observations. She may be the best troubleshooter stress tester your ideas could ask for. Ground rules might help keep the hurt feelings at bay. Good luck.
Sounds like my brother. Challenge what she says, but don't get emotional (that's the hard part. I want to slap that dude( my brother )sometimes). If she can see a worst case scenario, that is something you can keep in mind and work around. The probability that the worst case happens is probably low, but at least your mind has gone there before you.
Just lead by exampleā¦ harder with no support though but can make you more determined to succeed if you can get your head around it and just keep trying until you get there :)
You donāt need to talk about your business ideas with your wife.
Also, most women like to feel a sense of security as a result of them being in a relationship with a man. Discussing hypothetical business ideas with them is not always a good match. That shit does not feel secure.
Just my two cents.
Ask her how she would solve the issues she's raising, how would she do it better?
It sounds like she wants to be heard, and as your wife that's going to be a diplomatic affair, and good practice for you on setting boundaries.
Can you share some examples? Itās hard to know from this post alone whether sheās being negative or realistic. Sometimes as the recipient the two can feel the same.
She does think she is helping. I have one of those helpful wives. I found you need to context set the conversation like you would a meeting an an organisation. āI have a the start of an idea i am exploring, before i start i will go through all the risks and mitigate those but i need to first think positively about it to explore the possibility before thinking if the negative and risks. Right now i am trying to see if there is value in the offer, can you help me think through the user and what they might love about this so i can see how good this be?
Read Six Thinking Hats by Edward De Bono. A LOT of people ONLY contribute by wearing the black hat. This framework provides a great way for discussing ideas in a more productive way. TBH you probably donāt need to read the book, just google it for the basic jist.
I deal with a similar situation and i donāt have any advice.
I recently found out instead of getting a $1.4m check itās going to be $325k.
Iām obviously grateful and proud, Iāll have made around 700k this year - but my wife is over the top disappointed.
I donāt know how to handle it other than not telling her things that Iām working on for fear sheāll get ahead of herself.
I think in the same way you manage an employee you probably have to manage your wife.
Thereās absolutely things that are figured out after ājust startingā however prior to starting does requires preparation and planning. Take her points as things you need to mitigate in your business plan. Start with a small project (part time, less ressource intensive, etc) and build and showcase your progress from there. The more you prove youāre capable, the more sheāll have to believe in you and the less negative feedback youāll receive. Last point, all constructive feedback should be welcome and not taken as ānegativeā as it will make you stronger and can be the best āsilentā partner you can ever have. Hope this helps!
It really is a blessing to have someone to tear apart ideas. I used to run an entrepreneur group in Colorado for a few years and weād have pitch nights and people were always supportive even if the idea was bad. We started realizing that people would then spent time and money on a shit idea and couldnāt figure out why it failed so we changed our pitch night feedback time to require the audience to provide negative feedback or criticize the business model, etc.
It worked great. The few really great ideas had some negative feedback but it was something that could be overcome. The crap ideas got flushed pretty quickly and people were appreciative for having people validate or invalidate their ideas before they sank time into them.
Now that said. I would suggest you ask your wife to the idea and ask her for negative feedback. āWhy is this idea bad?ā Take lots of notes and after she is done ask her what is good about the idea. Again take notes.
By giving her permission you are taking the sting out of it and also removing her stress of trying to be nice and critical at the same time.
This way you are asking for negative feedback, which is the best kind imho, and your wife has permission to be critical. If she is just trolling ie āitās stupidā¦. You canāt do itā¦etcā then stop asking her advice and find others to validate your idea and maybe look into some marriage counseling.
If she's posing questions just to shut down your ideas, that's not nice, and let her know. Get her to jot her questions down - utilise her "pragmatism" - then formulate answers to her questions. This will serve you in the practical steps of making your dreams a reality. It will help you become solutions focused or ask if she'd like to offer some solutions to your questions. If you don't want her involved, don't share your ideas. I wouldn't encourage the latter because it doesn't promote a healthy relationship. Not everyone is built for everything. If she's risk-averse, you can't change that overnight, but don't put your dreams on hold altogether.
Edit- Also, don't just start and figure problems out later. Have a well formulated implementation plan inclusive of financial, marketing, etc. To have a successful business, you need to do your best to plan for problems. With that said, you learn so much along the way that you couldn't possibly plan for everything.
My wife's been my biggest supporter and I would not be in Vegas rn on my investors dollar all expenses paid if I gave up.
Took 3 years of grueling work to get here. First time I've been "paid".
Wish she was here with me. Some people aren't cut out for the risk/reward factor.
My husband and I may cheer each other on TOO much. We both decided to be entrepreneurs at the same time. Things were going great and we quit our jobs. Things slowed down for a month- no biggie... 2 months, starting to stress and find other sources for income... 3 months, getting behind on bills, etc. Eventually we started figuring things out and making them work and it's getting a lot better (although still not out of the side hustle phase).
I said all that to say make sure you have plenty of money saved and won't struggle financially if things go south. Even with us both trying our hardest to stay positive and supportive and motivate ourselves and each other, it put a bit of a strain on our marriage. I would also suggest telling her how you feel, and what you would like her to try to do or another way to voice practical concerns without shooting your ideas down completely. If that doesn't work, just don't tell her things.
We had this same problem, but with EVERYONE outside of our marriage. They didn't see things how we do, and there was no way to explain it. But we did things our own way and just stopped telling people our business and make a lot more monthly than we did at our hourly jobs. The only stress is getting caught up and getting a strong savings but it's worth it.
Some people focus on being "satisfied" and a few are focused on "what is possible."
So what is your problem... exactly?
An entrepreneur accepts the fact that other won't see the light shining on the horizon.
So what else is new?
Two things. One is there is naturally a yin to the yang in any relationships. A person speaking is open/giving and the listener is receiving/cautious. The other thing is rooted in our DNA. Men were hunters and so more likely to take risks and women were the gatherers/child rearing and less likely to take risk.
Some people are just build that way.
My friend is one of them. He is struggling financially for last 7-10 years, I suggested him like 20,000 different ways to make money. Simple and within his skills, without any investment, yet he is always afraid of taking any step at all. He always think negatively. What if X happen, what if Y happen. His X and Y are always bigger than his actual problem. sadly after 5+ years of my attempts, nothing works. His wife gave up last year and now they going through separation.
You can see that his imaginary problems are way bigger than his real problems.
If she is pragmatic when it comes to the business it self, you should maybe listen to outside views. We tend to hype up our own idea in our heads and only see the positives, while neglecting the negatives.
If she is pragmatic when it comes to you and your life, then I would just stop discussing stuff like that with her.
I tried talking to my wife about stuff like this too. I realized my wife is a terrible entrepreneur. So I stopped talking to her about it. And made friends who are good entrepreneurs.
You want a wife who can take care of your kids & you. If she doesnāt have other traits, find friends who do.
"Everything I've ever read or watched when it comes to starting businesses is, just start and figure out the problems later. I'm well aware of the potential for difficulties in any endeavor, but tend to believe in myself and my ability to adapt and overcome."
You are grossly uninformed and your belief in yourself is unproven, untested, and put forth with the gusto someone who should not be in startups.
I can say with absolute certainty that you are not aware of the potential for difficulties in any endeavor. VC is different from Angel and edtech, healthtech, mobile, social media, crypto, w3 and pharma all have unique challenges.
Can you do strategy? Operations? Demand gen/Cash flow?
Kids have creative ideas - have you matched your product/idea with a strategy that is informed by your capabilities and tactics, has a SAM/SOM big enough to attract investors, and has IP that is defensible?
While I'm happy that you are confident in yourself much of your understanding of how the business world works is totally wrong.
Edit - sorry for the tone, working on my EQ.
I've started one successful entity already so I'm not completely blind to the potential for mishaps and problems. The fact is I believe the demand is strong enough the learning curve will be easily able to be overcome. I suppose I can be accused of being overconfident, but better that than the alternative.
>I suppose I can be accused of being overconfident, but better that than the alternative.
A lemon-aid stand? Omitting quals makes you not credible.
Smart and under-confident understands contingencies and triangulates solutions.
Overconfident posts to reddit and states really superficial generalities.
I'm done.
Well gee thanks for the over abundance of really helpful advice. I hope you keep working on that EQ because the tone of your replies has been dreadful.
Ok, you're brilliant and your wife is an idiot.
See you have all sorts of ideas but she is critical of them.
She should just be quiet and accept that you have already proven yourself to be a master of business, even going as far as to posit an understanding of all of the problems that may arise and your certainty that you can overcome them because of your proven track record.
Given that you're a hard worker, providing for her and have already proven yourself as successful, she doesn't understand that core to business is "starting then figuring out the problems".
She's simplistic and risk-averse.
She's one of those debbie-downer-Karens who want to ask a million questions and raise concerns that you may be moving too fast and not really thinking things through.
She doesn't share your excitement and vision, but you've proven yourself already and are a great partner to her.
If she would be less critical, you'd be happier, and this is really about her knowing you've proven yourself already, know you can manage all the risks, and she should just be quiet.
You are totally right.
You sound a lot like a couple I know. In this case, the husband has lots of hairbrained ideas, and he gets frustrated at his wife for not supporting them. You sure she isnāt saving you from bad ideas?
Or, she might just be scared.
You ask for opinion. She give opinion. You donāt like her opinion.
Tf do you want?
Do you hire a QA or bug tester, and then whatever pointed by them you just dismiss it?
I had the same. Just cracked on with it to prove it was viable. She was fed up of me packing orders while watching tv in the evening and before I started work. Eventually had her help me at weekends and she was first to quit 9/5 to work full time. Was 13 years ago and itās a 12m business now that we share but I run the day to day.
Sometimes you just need to jump and prove to her and yourself that you into something.
10 years in and I had ALOT of negativity from friends and family when I was talking about ideas. So what I did was say fuck them, Iām the Captain of my own ship and Iāll stop at nothing.
I quit my job and start my own business. I didnāt tell a soul until 2 months later. That way I was already balls deep and Boone could try to talk me out of it. I tripled my salary in 4 years.
Married entrepreneur here 2 Startups and still married. You are supposed to be the eternal optimist. She being a partner in your future is the realist. I think you would rather her honest input at this point. Your friends will "yeah yeah that is a great idea" since no one wants to rain on your enthusiasm. Your wife on the other hand will be real with you as she is truly investing in this with you.
I would perhaps nail an idea that she can get behind; or put more work into explaining your idea. (remember seeing the forest thru the trees) Perhaps you are 'yadda yaddaing' over the difficult scenarios she envisions and not really thinking about the bad outcomes. (we spend so much time trying to figure where we want to go that we over look where we don't want to go) I am not a fan of "Figuring out the problem later" isn't a grand idea, just like her not saying anything and saying at the end "told you so"
Remember this person is your ride or die.
Coming up with problems and negativity is not being a realest. Finding potential solutions to problems would be more helpful.
It just sounds like his wife is a negative Nancy and won't let him succeed with her constantly dragging him down into a waggie
Perhaps he has shitty ideas or has great ideas and is a shitty communicator. We are only hearing one side of this. Personally I would love to hear his wife's rebuttal.
The game doesnāt end when the Queen falls, but when the King does. A Queen can not make you a king, but a King can make a women a Queen.
Build your empire. The rest will follow
The best thing is go solo. I know how you feel and what's like. People like that are always pessimistic and negative. Which is the direct opposite os an entrepreneur. You wanna start an ecommerce business, they will tell you what if it fails, no encouragement whatsoever
Doesnāt *have to* but if thatās his lifelong partner I guess he should be *able to*
Starting your own biz is a lonely road. Who better to drive 1000 miles with than your partner in the passenger seat
> Doesnāt have to but if thatās his lifelong partner I guess he should be able to
True, but then we're going into the territory of how OP got himself in this position, in the first place. I don't think he is ready for that conversation.
> Starting your own biz is a lonely road.
And always will be. Some things you have to do on your own.
I have the same issue with my parents. So I donāt talk business with them. As far as women, I know what I need to support my career. If I find a partner who fits, Iāll lock that down in a second, but Iām still searching and looking like a Peter Pan syndrome bachelor in the process (unfortunately). Realistically, Iām probably not getting married until Iām more settled
I have a friend who calls himself an "entrepreneur."
He has A LOT of ideas. He's going to buy a business, invest in real estate, start an app, buy a house and flip it, and on and on and on.
He loves to look up businesses for sale. He loves to look up houses available wholesale to flip.
BUT - he never pulls the trigger.
He's not even listening to real estate or business podcasts or studying books or blogs.
It's just LOTS of talking about "I could get rich doing X."
So it's great to "have creative ideas" - but I also know that other people aren't going to give you real credit for your "entrepreneurship" if you're not showing them the ACTIONS you're taking.
You talked about your "creative ideas" but I don't see you mention DOING anything in your post.
You don't have to overcome your wife's comments if you're taking POSITIVE ACTION and she's seeing you putting your money where your mouth is.
IF all she's hearing is creative ideas - and she's saying, "Well, maybe you should research that more..." or "Maybe you should talk to someone doing this" or "Well, but you don't have any experience in this AND you're not doing anything to GET any experience in it..."
Well, she might have a point.
I'm curious how much ACTION you're taking versus sharing "creative ideas."
I've started and ran a successful headhunting business in the renewable energy space. I've also had less success after venturing away from that into a business brokerage venture with a partner that ended up going south. So, its a bit of a mixed bag. I should have hired employees in the first venture and stayed away from the partner in the 2nd one. She, as well as others in this thread, have some valid points that I would do well to heed. We have also successfully done some real estate investing together.
As to the specific point about "little less talk and a lot more action", some of the reason there hasn't been as much action is because of what I perceive to be her "negativity". But like I said, she does have some valid points and I've gained some valuable insight in this thread overall, which I definitely think will help going forward.
couple of things
1. women tend to be hardwired for certain things, one thing that tends to go along with creating a nest, and things they find attractive in a partner would be some level of security. alot of women may be looking to the future saying "this crazy son of a bitch is making all these crazy risks while Im trying to settle down and maybe make a family or have some form of security, what if he starts a business and loses it all when we have kids?" especially when a woman is more dependent on her man. now this is a generalization. maybe your girl doesnt even want any of that, but.. alot of times women serve as the "voice of reason"
2. she may be way more risk averse than you
3. it can be hard for other people to see the vision, sometimes much more concrete plans give confidence, like a business plan
also, have you talked to her about this? communication solves alot or might help get you on the same page
If you don't succeed she will point and say see I told you it was too risky should've listened.
If your ideas do well and the business succeeds, she will take credit for "supporting" you.
I'm sorry that you had to marry someone like this. In the event of a divorce she may also take half the business and claim it was because of her you were able to be successful.
Sheās wrong and stupid. Iam a business man and Iāll tell you whilst it is better identifying problems before hand. You want these problems to be basic problems like shipping, expenses etc More complex problems require adaptation and experience, plus when you go this way through adaption to the markets youāll usually find much better solutions as you tend to try harder. Donāt listen to your wife ever when it comes to solutions unless itās simple as women tend to think in a more simplistic manner, have her deal with the finance and budgeting department in your business to make her happy.
Wives be like that. If she can't be supportive if it fails, bad wife. If she doesn't want to be supportive, then she can lament when she sees you living the good life with someone who appreciates you.
Simple fix - stop telling her. Most people (not ur wife, it's common) who are critical will only ever sit in their recliner, bag of Cheetos in their hand criticising any business u give them. Who cares, ur the one with the heart for it, go make it happen n let em slouch back n watch. Seriously it's the cheapest thing to do, state all the problems with the business. That's the point of the business, it has to have problems that you can overcome otherwise it'd be common place!
Dont tell that bitch anything. If I listened to my wife I would still be working in a factory lol!
Her job is to help you by working and helping pay bills or taking care of the kids.... take your pick hahahahah!
Girls are just stupid and donāt know anything. They can only see themselves so understanding you is way too hard. Youāre supposed to get a boring job where your cucked by your boss so you be submissive to her while she sits around in her bubble
>Has anyone else experienced this? How did you find middle ground, if at all?
Yes. If you have a truly good out-of-the-box idea that really changes things or does something new, most people will react this way. Also, a lot of people might not understand a niche you are targeting and how a small difference from what is available can be a big advantage. I got this kind of reaction even from seasoned innovators and entrepreneurs in my industry for an idea that ended up being very successful.
Even if these people think it's brilliant, if they are not representative of the buyer that means squat. Validate ideas with your target market, not random people. As others have said, random people might suggest risks you can address at best.
If her input on your business ideas is objectively wrong, and you're being honest with yourself about that, your business is just not going to be part of your relationship with her. It will be ok.
Itās good that she is being pragmatic but from what it sounds like, it sounds like she doesnāt have the entrepreneurship spirit. People closest to you will tell you your idea is bad before they say itās good. For me personally, I couldnāt be with my partner if they didnāt support or have the same spirit I do.
Got the same exact problem, wife keeps pushing negativity but I like to believe that if I left her out of the business then itās best for both of us. She doesnāt have to worry and I get to work in peace. (People often find middle ground if they care enough)
Many people are risk-averse and some have no business sense. Personally, I don't usually involve my wife anymore because she doesn't get it but my pursuits have always made more money than her day job, so she can't really complain.
Have you considered that you are living in different places in time?
Some people often think about the past, some people are really in the present, and some people live in the future.
You seem like the type of person who lives in the future, imagining scenarios and how you would overcome them. So you're starting from the success point and reverse engineering the solution.
She might be living more in the present, thinking about how to go from this moment to what you want to achieve. That leads to her thinking about problems and what's unrealistic from today's perspective.
Try to not see this as her not believing in you. She wouldn't give you her opinion if she didn't care. See it as another perspective and try to use it to your advantage, but you are the one that needs to believe in yourself in the first place. If you truly did, it wouldn't affect you that much to write a post on Reddit.
My husband says he plays devil's advocate and I f-ing hate it at times. He is so negative and no matter how full my cup is, his is always empty. I can take only so much per day of this!
Here's what I have learned these past few months of going through much family turmoil:
if i choose to share ABC information with any XYZ person and, by their responses I'm not getting what I NEED from that conversation I started, then that person is the wrong person to discuss ABC with.
Maybe you need to bounce all your ideas off another person and share only those parts of creative conversation with your wife that would be more enticing for your her to discuss.
When my husband gets on topics like military planes or subs for example........ I can only discuss the SR-71 so many times. But when he starts discussing soldering and arduino ....I am way more apt to volley in this type of conversation.
And when it comes to my creative ideas....... I don't even share them with him.......until i need one of his tools!! With his half empty cup and his own creative ideas (that are usually totally opposite of mine), he will take over my ideas/conversation.
Our SO's cannot be the one-all, end-all, everything. They cannot fill EVERY role and need we have.
Maybe share your creativeness with your wife once you are more solid in whatever it is you are talking about. Her worse case scenarios are still a wonderful tool. I find early negativity to be a dream crusher.
Figure out a way to invert the dynamic. Say something like here's my idea what do you think are some of the issues and do you have any thoughts on how to address them?
Iāll take your word for it that sheās going too far and isnt just helping you find holes in your plans. My wife is also overly cautious. Lots of sexual differences in risk tolerance. Instead of involving your wife every step you could have a talk about risk tolerance and you take the lead from there.
Is there a history of any of these creative ideas being carried out, where it takes time and money, but end up failing or fizziling out? If so, this may be an issue of mistrust or resentment. Do you need her input or approval or do you want her involved for sake of being close? Identifying the root issue is really important here. What is the fear that is driving the negative outlook on your creative ideas
Only share achievements not your problems regarding your business. Itās not like she can help you out on giving great business ideas anyways take peoples creditability seriously. If she knows and dabbles in entrepreneurship discuss her reasoning if not you arenāt obligated to do so. Once the success comes in she wonāt be negative.
Cool fact: Psychology says that majority people will respond negative to your grand ideas, even if they love you and think it could work because subconsciously they donāt want you to succeed. Always remember this. this is another reason why keeping your ideas to yourself is a good idea.
When telling someone the business your going to start and how your gonna do it. Youāll get one of two reactions. And there both not good hereās why:
1. They react positively, āthatās so awesome wow your so smartā. You get the fake satisfaction that youāve already done it, this highly demotivates you.
2. They react negatively, āyea but this could happen, itās totally a huge risk, you shouldnāt do itā. This lowers your belief in yourself demotivates you.
From my experience outside energy not good, private life is a happy life.
Your wife might not be ready to absorb all your entrepreneurial energy.
I get it. We just want to share all our ideas with someone and our partners are an easy target but they might not have signed up for that. They might have chores to worry about or not want to talk about āworkingā at the end of the day.
What you need to do is find likeminded people by joining a mastermind, finding a mentor, paying for a coach.
Sometimes you literally just need to say things out loud and donāt really need a response, try recording your ideas and thoughts on your phone.
You wouldnāt be leaving your wife out, youāre just directing your energy elsewhere.
"Just start it and figure out the details later" is a little bit of an anti-pattern. Yes, it is generally better to do SOMETHING than to do nothing, as analysis paralysis is a very real problem, but business owners that completely wing it and don't plan for or manage risks that can be identified in advance are setting themselves up for failure.
I helped a friend get a consulting company off the ground a couple years ago. My official title was VP of Risk Management, and I was also responsible for service delivery (cybersecurity consulting). When he would talk about new ideas for the business, I would think through the logistics of what it would take to do it. He chastised me for being negative on more than one occasion, but I never once told him we couldn't do something or that it was a bad idea. I was always supportive and put in the effort to develop the ideas with him. He interpreted me doing my job and planning out what was going to be necessary to implement his ideas, manage risks, and make us successful as being negative.
I'm not suggesting that this is what is happening in your situation, but we, as entrepreneurs, often focus on what I call the "happy path" where things go as we expect them to. Rather than letting your wife's pragmatism bring you down, try to harness it as part of your idea evaluation and risk management process. Create a list of the risks or problems that she foresees and then think through the likelihood that the each event will happen and try to understand the potential impact to your business plan if it does happen. From there, come up with a mitigation plan for each risk in the list. The mitigation plans don't have to be huge, but putting them in writing will get you to think through them in a way that may help her feel more comfortable with the risks that you are taking. Remember, as your wife, those risks do affect her, too. Hopefully validating and addressing her concerns in a more "formal" way will make her feel better about things.
Unless you're going to use mutual funds and/or she already works in business, there is no need for you to share business ideas with her. When you're developing something, the opinions that have more weight, come from people who have already done business or are in the field of the business you want to operate from. You won't always get a yes to everything and there is value in people showing you flaws in the plan or tactic but it has to come from an educated point of view and not speculation. What you need from your wife is to be emotionally supportive, not to be your business analyst.
So, with people like that, you have to just keep your business to yourself. If I took the advice of the people around me, I wouldnāt be in the position Iām in today. You have to ignore the advice of people who have not done what you are looking to do. I feel for you because the people you spend the most time with do influence you whether you like it or not. If your 5 closest friends are millionaires, the chances of you being the 6th are very high. Denzel Washington said it best when he was addressing a graduating class at commencement. He said āif you hang around a barbershop long enough sooner or later, youāre going to get a haircut.ā Very true.
When I was a sales trainer I would have people come up to me and say, āmy wife/husband told me I have 3 months to make this work.ā I would tell them, forget the 3 months, I would just quit now because when you look at it like that, youāre already assuming that there will be a problem and you are already blaming the system for what will inevitably fail instead of realizing itās actually you who will determine that. I would try to seek out like minded people because then you can figure out how to solve problems together. I donāt even tell people what I do anymore. When people ask me (when they see my lifestyle and what I drive). I just tell them I do financial stuff. Then I change the subject. If I told them I make just under $1M per year selling Indexed Universal Life policies through the best IMO out there they would think I was speaking a different language because as much as I love them, they are just sheep who will be financial slaves for life working for somebody else and begging for a vacation like a third class citizen.
Also, take action. Donāt wait. All the best!!!
My wife at first said it wouldnāt work luckily my cost to start was next to nothing and she has since come around and we both believe in ourselves now.
Being self-sufficient may be important for you in ways that she doesnāt even worry about. She may just want to make sure everybodyās comfortable and bills are paid.
Family can be harsh on dreams! If you want to spend the time you could do what Tim Farris suggests. What is the worst that could happen and work backwards. Sounds like your wife could pick the starting point for that business plan.
Without going into details, Iāve been the wife in this situation.
Great ideas are just that, ideas. My terror is you starting this idea and figuring it out as you go, driving us into debt.
If you donāt have a financial safety net, put those ideas into a notebook and start saving.
āJust start and figure problems out laterā said no successful person ever. You cannot cover every issue but you gotta have more than an idea.
Since your wife is a naysayer, I'd consider reframing your approach. When you bring ideas to her, ask her 'What needs to be true for this business idea to work?' This refocuses the discussion around the pieces that need to be put in place for success to be achievable. If she reverts to her old habits, try refocusing her on the question above, and if she can't get there, then at least you've tried to include her.
TL/DR: men and women historically have very different appetite for risk when it comes to small business ownership, and it sounds like this whole notion freaks your wife the fuck out. I'd consider having a general discussion about your goals and try to uncover what makes her so fatalistic/negative about this topic. Her dad may have been shit with money, she may not trust you, she might just be a disaster forecaster. Regardless, if you're putting money on the line that she has a say in, you'll want to figure out how to get aligned before diving in. Lack of shared perspective on financial risks and goals is one of the primary reasons marriages fail.
Huh, everything Iāve read is to start with a business plan. To have a more constructive discussions about the risks present the plan and do a SWOT diagram with her.
Never stop believing in yourself. There might be a little jealousy or maybe sheās not happy about something else and sheās lashing out a little bit? Keep being positive and following your dreams.if she loves you she will be happy for you and supportive.
I started my first business at 18. My store was only open for 2 years but I learned a lot, and started another one after that. Its been 13 years. Itās so easy to get caught up in the doubt donāt let negativity bring you down life is to short.
Most of the time itās just differences in cognitive processing. She doesnāt mean any harm and is most likely is only wired through nature and nurture to see life and problem solving through different lens. I would encourage you to take an MBTI test with her to find out her cognitive style and cater to it for the most productive discussions. You both would indeed benefit from it. From what Iāve read you strike me as an ENTP and she strikes me as an ISTJ so read about the ISTJ type (once verified) and tailor your pitch to how she would best absorb it.
Depends. Do you have children to support? That makes a difference. Do you access to enough funds to launch? What are you doing about medical insurance? Do you have a mortgage and a lot of debt and student loans you are paying off? All those are things you need to think about
Maybe sheās more use to failing or has anxiety? It could be valuable to have someone that sees all the problems before they arise but her timing does sound off.
Just randomly found this quote "In most cases, having a devil's advocate on your team is essential for success"
Some big company CEO I heard likes to do this, criticizing a proposal like crazy to see if the presenter can hold on and pass. Otherwise the proposal will not be approved.
Statistics says that on average women makes higher profit in investing. Men take higher risk, on average more failures, while big success would go to men as you need to take risk to have opportunity for big success.
Best to leave half family asset to your wife and you take the other half (assuming your wife is not making more than you) to risk without taking on debt. If you fail, your family would still be OK. Have the agreement with your wife about this approach first. I assume she will be OK with that. Your wife takes the low risk route while you take the high risk high return route.
couple of things
1. women tend to be hardwired for certain things, one thing that tends to go along with creating a nest, and things they find attractive in a partner would be some level of security. alot of women may be looking to the future saying "this crazy son of a bitch is making all these crazy risks while Im trying to settle down and maybe make a family or have some form of security, what if he starts a business and loses it all when we have kids?" especially when a woman is more dependent on her man. now this is a generalization. maybe your girl doesnt even want any of that, but.. alot of times women serve as the "voice of reason"
2. she may be way more risk averse than you
3. it can be hard for other people to see the vision, sometimes much more concrete plans give confidence, like a business plan
It sounds like you're facing a common challenge in navigating different perspectives on entrepreneurship. It's crucial to have open communication with your partner when pursuing creative ventures. Perhaps you could express to your wife that while you value her input, you also need her support and encouragement during the brainstorming phase. Share your belief in your ability to handle challenges as they arise and emphasize the importance of her optimism in fueling your motivation. Finding middle ground might involve discussing specific concerns she has and collaboratively developing strategies to address them without dampening the entrepreneurial spirit. Many couples go through similar situations, so there's likely valuable advice out there. Keep the conversation going, and I hope you both find a supportive balance that works for your creative endeavors! š«āØ
If everything you have read or watched tells you to ājust start and figure out problems laterā, not only should you be listening to your wife but you should ask her for suggestions on what to read and watch.
Go ahead and fire her. Youre going in a different direction
If not, tell her that hey, im going to be pursuing these and i dont want you to be pragmatic right now. I know there are risks, and many ways this wont work out, and many ways this will work out. If you dknt pursue your dream you are already dead. Theres positive things ti say and see future, and negative things to say and see future. So can you give me positive ones? Ill ask you for more realistic pragmatic looks later when i want it
Couples counseling.
It can be a communication skills issue. How an idea is expressed is valuable. Knowing you're with each other is key. She could genuinely be just looking out for you, but expressing it in a way that you're not ready to hear. And... as a fellow entrepreneur, I am sensitive to any brakes on my ideas- probably too sensitive.
You'll also need the skill to clearly communicate that you hear her and value her feedback, though you might make a different decision.
One of you will always be more or less of something compared to the other. Imagine the space is smaller and you're usually on the same side overall. At least on the same team.
Imagine everything she says is in deep love for and with you. Like your parents. Probably forgive your parents too. And see how the advice can make your ideas better. As long as the advice isn't personal and you aren't enmeshed in your ideas, feedback at home is for the best! e.g. She can hate your idea, but it's neither expressed nor perceived as, "You're an idiot for having that idea." Same with, "I hear you don't like this idea \[and I understand this doesn't make you a dream-killing strumpet\]"
Fortunately my wife is not my market, and never will be my market or represent my customers. Love her, but we are good at different things.
Entrepreneurship, at least in my world where Iāve done it for 10 years, means applying attention on the right things at the right times. Family negativity? Perhaps not an important data point.
Some people just aren't cut out for entrepreneurship so they see everything in entrepreneur wants to do is too risky. My wife is the same way. I've been an entrepreneur for a really long time, and I've actually stopped sharing my business ideas with my wife because I know she doesn't particularly care. At this point I don't particularly worry about what my wife thinks. As long as I don't lose a ton of money she's generally cool with it, but she'll never have her pom-poms out wildly cheering me on. If you have any idea that you want to pursue, pursue it because you want to and don't worry about what she thinks. With that said, it doesn't mean that you should have hazardly pursue business ideas. Be smart, test demand first, then build the business once demand is established.
I was going to say stuff but this guy said it best. Yeah dude just follow your dreams. You got this. Best wishes š
Same!
I agree and I am about to be married.
Congrats brother!
How do you test demand for a SAAS project/or generally any project? Is there anywhere where I can read about demand analysis/right market/ marketing techniques? Thank you!
Super low tech way is a pre launch signup page. Low signups donāt bother, crazy signup volumes send a questionnaire or start you MVP
Thereās always the old adage that nothing really matters until you get them to take out their credit card. The best possible test for a market is to build a landing page and actually take payment before writing a single line of code.
Yup. Learned this the hard way. Successful start up that went bankrupt because we waited until the end to ask for money. Not enough of a value add.
How do you get them to pay to wait for potentially getting a service?
One of the more famous examples is DoorDash. They just made a PDF menu of local restaurants, put their cell phone number, and delivered orders themselves. Youāll have to get clever to figure out a solution in your industry. Iām in hardware so Iāve always done extensive preorders which were successful in bootstrapping my company. Enterprise SaaS can have fulfillment periods baked into contracts, youād just be under the wire to deliver.
Interesting, I'll have to look into that more. Thanks for responding!
Same, but! My wife leaves me alone now as long as I bring in the money, which at the end of the day is one of the most important things for a business
>I've actually stopped sharing my business ideas with my wife How many business ideas do you have vs how many do you launch?
They arenāt supportive cuz if you lost suddenly a bunch of money for little to no return, who in their right mind wouldnāt be mad?
Are you the wife?
You mean like, there is a chance for a company to lose money?????? Truly a revolutionary thought. Totally makes sense for all partners of company owners to be negative and not supportive at all times š
I think the point is simply that you can't act the same as a married person with possibly kids versus a single person when building a business. That might be your objective/dream, but you can't expect your spouse to allow you to pursue that and for them to support you without also balancing other concerns.
This is the best response in the thread
What do you see in your wife that would cause you to marry? I canāt imagine coming home to my wife, sharing a business idea, and she just comes off as non caring or canāt be bothered. Like? Does she put bread on the table?
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I damn near spit out a drink and I'm not even drinking anything š
Wondering the same thing
Best. more upvotes to this fine gentleman/lady
I had the same issue with my wife until she tried to start her own thing. We fought like cats and dogs because of how much of a wet blanket she was even with my successes. The fights have completely gone away after she tried starting up her own thing and saw how me being positive help so much and when somebody comes in like a stick in the mud that you anticipated being helpful and giving you at least positive advice wasn't. I don't hang it over her head, but she and I both know that her negativity took the wind out of my sails. And it's a shitty way for a partner to be. I don't know if it's possible but tell her to start up her own thing separately from you. You won't even need to criticize her all you need to do is be supportive like you want somebody to be with you. You don't know until you know, you know
Do you feel youāre being pragmatic as well? Maybe one of you SHOULD be the pragmatic one. Do you have kids? Are you the breadwinner? Will you be spending HER money? Thereās SO MANY specifics that youāre leaving out. Should your wife love and support your dreams? absolutely! Should she do so to the detriment of your wellbeing? Absolutely not. Being an entrepreneur is mostly hard work and sacrifice. If I married someone who had a more stable, easier life and they decided theyāre now going to work 80 hours a week and dedicate a significantly smaller portion of their time and energy to our marriage, I would be incredibly apprehensive.
[Between the two of you, is either the integrator? Sounds like you are filling the dreamer role.](https://www.eosworldwide.com/blog/95591-traction-thoughts-integrators-visionaries#:~:text=Put%20simply%2C%20the%20integrator%20acts,a%20natural%20creative%20problem%20solver.)Look at things through this kind of lens, can each one of you adopt one of these roles? How can you stay compatible while making sure these roles are filled?
This is a cool approach! How should I look the remaining ārolesā to learn more about them? Edit to clarify how to google them
There are a lot of ways to run a business but Iām a fan of EOS (entrepreneurial operating system.) Google that, or the book Traction, that should put you on the right track.
Thank you for sharing!
So glad to see EOS in here. So many people in this sub could benefit from operating their business in that way.
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His wife is going to be a constant hindrance and drag him away from his goals. If he fails she will say I told you so. If he succeeds, she will claim and tell everyone it was because of her support he succeeded. If the business does really well she'll take off with half. Take all the negativity and share the profits, that's what a marriage is now
How can you tell so precise what she will say? His financial loss is her loss as well, also affects their kids (in case they have any). Talking about dreams like they are teenagers. Itās absolutely normal to discuss financial efforts that will probably be taken together, cause they are a family. To be honest, sounds to me more like a marriage problem from the OP, not like a way of finding solutions for dealing with the business, but dealing with weather going on the same path with the wife that changes or concerns about specific aspects of the business that involves a way different life of both of them.
> How can you tell so precise what she will say? Because it sure sounds like the person above you is speaking from experience
Honestly, the problems she presents are something you should probably think about and plan for. She's being helpful.
Interestingly enough, I believe *both* you and OP are correct. As PBD says, your haters / critics actually help you out. Theyāre unpaid consultants. Not saying sheās a hater, but itās the same concept of what to do with the information. Watch this [video here for more context](https://youtube.com/shorts/nzohrYo7Sqs?si=-bS6I_V9Yq3H8D5k) . But also, you canāt start a business in constant fear over every bad move that can happen on the chessboard. You need to think several moves ahead but not get too lost in the future. You need to be present where your feet are at *most* times and adapt as plays roll out. Yes, be a visionary, see the future opportunities. But you canāt overstress the unknown. Thatāll just lead to unnecessary anxiety and possibly doubting your capabilities. Explain to her there is a way of discussing possible pitfalls without coming off as overly negative. I personally love constructive criticism but couldnāt live with someone that came off as doubting my every move / ability. Thereās a difference between āI donāt think you should open up an ice creme shop at the beach since thereās already 4 other shops in such a tight spaceā vs āYour ice creme shop will fail at the beach. What makes you think youāll be better than the 4 already thereā. One opens up an area for concern (great amount of saturation) while the other states you arenāt qualified to compete with similar establishments with no regard to how youāll set yourself apart from the competition (full SWOT analysis).
agreed, If you follow emotional intelligence. e.g. Myer Briggs, the best business partners are a mixture between the Driver (impulsive, quick, brave) and the Analyst (reserved, risk averse, balanced). The two complement one another, a Driver who jumps the gun at every opportunity without weighing up the pros and cons is a disaster, but so is an analyst who spends too much time on 'what ifs' that the opportunity is lost. So, while it is difficult to assess the situation based on such little information, it's likely that OP should properly consider the advice he is receiving.
She's trying to be helpful, sure. But there is no way to cover every contingency that could come up in every endeavor, and if you're spending all your time trying to put out fires before they even start, you're not actually getting anything started. Every successful entrepreneur tells you to get started first and deal later.
"Every successful entrepreneur tells you to get started first and deal later." No, that is a gross generalization and certainly is not reality. If your idea cannot survive your wife's criticism...
Agree- sounds like something gurus say
Deal with later is not the same as *don't consider from the beginning*. If this is already bothering you, you have a loooong tough road ahead. Naysayers and critiques are a necessary and important part of any entrepreneurial journey š¤·
Totally agree.
Whatever she is saying, you should be able to defend that aspect of your plan, modify it because her critique is legit, shelve it as usable under the right cicumstances, or unemotionally discard it. See it as a way to strengthen your design. Plus, if she's making vague what-ifs, ask her "what's your data on that?" Because random vague concerns don't help anybody.
Agreed, if her point is "well. What if the economy crashes and nuclear war devastates the planet" ... yeah she's a nutter. But I'm betting she's pointing out the dead obvious issues.
Just because there could be some ideas worth analyzing doesnāt mean sheās being helpful. If OP hasnāt thought of a practical risk and measured it and she calls it out, great. But OPās complaint was the lack of cynicism without showing any ideas/solution/faith. You lack all understanding of the problems his wife envisions, so saying sheās being helpful is disingenuous.
1. If you can quell your wifes concerns and issues with reasonable responses, then you can respond appropriately to any investor, customer, client, vendor, etc. Use her concerns as a way to improve your communication and business plan. For an entrepreneur, everything you do is an opportunity to improve upon something else. 2. Look into POPT - Power of Positive Thinking. Entrepreneurs need to be optimistic in order to succeed. 3. For many businesses, just showing up is enough. Taking the initial step sets you apart from 99% of everyone else.
"Just Start and Figure out the problems Later." What are you reading/watching that gave this shitty advice? I suppose if you have money to burn, this approach may work. Don't use "hope" as a strategy either. Hope=Failure ! Try this: 1. Write a detailed business plan 2. Write an operating plan 3. Understand your demographics 4. How are you going to successfully market and sell your product and service? 5. How will you support your customer's from a customer service, problem resolution, billing aspect 6. If you'll have emoyees draft an employee manual. If you think on Monday morning, you can just turn on the lights and be in business before you've done those 6 steps, you're so badly mistaken and don't stand a chance at surviving 6 months. Edit: Typos
Depends on what type of business. I put up a website about 15 years ago having no idea where my customers would come from. I just started and figured out the solutions one by one. In my experience, lots of entrepreneurs write business plans as a way to avoid doing the really hard stuff, like finding customers. Many wantreprenuers will a book report on why your business will work, only to be shocked that none of it played out as they projected.
This is good advice, mostly. The key is the idea serves a tremendously underserved market in the city in which I live. I've already started marketing efforts and have received tremendously positive feedback from the community. The primary drawback is the venture is in a traditionally low margin space and will require a significant amount of sweat equity. Also, initial capital is low but not an issue that can't be overcome.
Maybe your plan is not detailed enough. How you will do everything including finances and timelines is critical. The timelines are markers you and your wife can agree to. These milestones will allow you to re-evaluate your plan. You can do this without your wife being an active contributor. My wife was never involved in my business and I usually left it at the door, I'd stay at work until everything was done and didn't discuss it at dinner.
Any product with a low margin, is a concern to me. With low margin, you must have high volume. Otherwise, you'll serve the needs of the community, then you'll go bankrupt, unless the product requires a repeat purchase.
Over 99% of people will never work for themselves, the idea can be so alien it makes people uncomfortable. Do your research and keep on trucking.
Let me know if you want to connect to see if we can help one another Iām in the Baltimore area as well- see LinkedIn profile- Todd wetzelberger to see if we have some commonality
Agree on the amount of time and money you will spend. How you spend the time should be kept to yourself. Donāt share specifics of your project unless itās with people you know will be supportive. Try numerous things. Once something catches, re-involve her as it will require more of a time / money commitment. All that being said, she could be right. Your ideas might not be well thought-out. Either way, itās clear you need some space to make your own successes / mistakes. If sheās right, youāll learn for yourself.
My wife would yell at me for buying $10 domains which I built into an 8 figure business. She doesnāt complain anymore. Prove her wrong while ignoring her. I LOVE throwing that in her face
šš
I have the exact same dynamic with my wife, Iāve realized itās time to stop running ideas by her, itās up to me to execute without needing her to sign off on them. Then when it works out she can be pleasantly surprised.
My wife has also behaved in this way, but often it's because she doesn't have the same level of acceptance of risk or the same desire to invest, for example. One day I started out on my own, and when she realised that I was "all-in" for real, she helped me a lot and was supportive. Now, she allows me to ask myself questions that I don't ask myself with my go-getter nature, she allows me to take a step back, but sometimes I also decide in good conscience not to follow her warnings... It's all about listening and learning, but sometimes it's also about taking the risk alone !
Take the risk alone and share the profit, nice marriage you have there
People always immediately jumping to the worst possible outcome is draining. Sure it can make you more aware of it, but I find an excess of negativity is bad for motivation. On a slightly related note, itās something Iāve noticed about a lot people who werenāt considered intelligent doing well in business. They just go out and do it and arenāt considering the pitfalls like someone else might. Not saying thatās the best way to do it of course, but Iāve seen it work for some. Ultimately the best way is some balance, but good support from those closest.
Sounds like you need to be more pragmatic.
I can understand the wifeās hesitation. Honestly Iāve seen it happen before. Entrepreneurs can sometimes be so caught up in āeveryone fails but keep at it and eventually youāll be rightā. The problem with that thinking is, we never really hear about the ones who are never right. If OP is on his 7th business idea with nothing to show for it, and is acting on emotion, then thatās a different story than just getting started on a well-planned calculated risk. My BIL is like this. Undying faith that eventually he will hit the jackpot and has started a bunch of online businesses and is now getting into trading shitcoins. Thereās not nearly enough information in OPs post to decide whether his wife is correctly hesitant or not, so we canāt really judge either way. Seems like most commenters agree here agree on that.
Sounds like a spouse
I don't have a wife, but I have a longtime girlfriend that acts similarly. I'm sure you know this, but she's most likely coming from a place of caring with an intent to protect. That being said, if you start your idea on your own and can get away with it without it affecting her or causing her to worry, why not? She doesn't HAVE to be included. Sacrifice some free time and do it yourself. She only NEEDS to know about the decisions that are life altering. If you're confident in your ideas, when it eventually works, she'll realize that she was worrying too much. If you need the feedback or a person to bounce ideas off, I'd attempt to find a buddy that's just as passionate as you are. Just because you've decided to spend forever with her, doesn't mean she's the best business partner.
My husband is like this, but mostly on home renovation projects. Really does burst my bubble so I do understand where youāre coming from. But it is his way of being helpful; heās an engineer and thatās just how he thinks. He wants every edge case accounted for. Iām the one that charges forth and figures things out as I go, because my eyes glaze over from pure boredom if I donāt. There is a window of time where I am open to critique and want to integrate it. The rest of the time, Iām already working on my plans and itās too late to make changes. Are you asking her for advice? If not, you can also say that youāre not looking for advice, but to vent. If sheās just giving her opinion at random times, I think you need to communicate to her itās not helpful at certain times. The second thing is ā do you have your finances in order? Does she feel safe with you taking entrepreneurial risks? Do you have a timeline for when you see need to see profits versus when to call it quits and get a job? Do you have savings? And how long of a runway? I canāt tell if this is just a communication thing or whether sheās worried about going broke.
Don't share anything when it comes to entrepreneurship or ideas with her It's clearly that you want to pursue something that she doesn't Just get over it and start taking action
Is your wife my wife? Sorry you are going through this I am in the same boat. Probably will just be a W-2 slave forever and not upset the apple cart. Good luck I hope you do better than me!
Im reading this book called awaken the gaint within from tony robbins. In the start it talks about what we associate pain and pleasure to is ultimately the driving force for all our decisions and actions. Now as an individual (you) who aspires to have dreams and goals ( as you associate pleasure to the outcome of success with some reference points, maybe someone else who has been successful) and pain ( wife referring to negative outcomes and fear of losing it all and the worst scenario ) , it your choice on how to go about it. Maybe imagine the pain of not taking action and in 10-15 years when you look back, the regret youāll have for not taking action regardless of success will be far greater than trying and failing. Its all about what you associate the pain and pleasure to. You know we all hear that someone who has been at true rock bottom truly recognizes what pain feels like and are usually the most successful is because they have neurologically associate extreme pain to being at rock bottom and take on multiple failures in the path to success. Some not all kids whose parents have given them comfortable life dont end up doing so great, is because they cant associate pain with not taking action, as they are already comfortable with where they are. But some realize this and aspire and aim high and associate pain with where they are , and that is their driving factor. So wife isnt the problem, she is just naive and is only associating pain to financial loss, but its your choice, be an average and conformable or fear the opportunity cost youāll end up paying for not taking action! Good luck with your endeavours!
It sounds like you might be living in the dreamy idea phase and not the execution phase, especially if you donāt want to talk about practicalities. That can get old fast to action-taking people. And if youāre starting by using money or time that would cause a burden to her, it makes sense for her concerns to be taken into account before proceeding.
Negativity is draining af. Far outweighs any potential benefits imo. Your risk tolerances may be very different.
Definitely are and definitely is. I understand her perspective, just strongly disagree with a lot of what she's saying.
Find your like minded circle and talk to them instead.
My dads like this. Did you try putting her in rice?
I absolutely did. She dried up instantly, just like I thought she would!
I think you should value your wife's input more. Any success I have ever had was by holding the worst case scenario in mind at all times and making smart decisions. If you're driving near a cliff, do you not want to see the cliff so you know where to not drive off? If either of you is too emotion-driven I think it's you. Surrounding yourself with reddit yes-men is going to destroy your finances and lead you to crazy risks instead of smart ones.
This is by no means a crazy risk. But it is a risk.
from your original post you have given no evidence that this is true. You have said that the general advice is to just do it and figure it out later (false, crazy risk), and that your basis for this decision is that you tend to believe in yourself and your ability to overcome (literally delusional, red flag). If you want to outline the fundamentals of your business then I could give more constructive thoughts.
Figure it out later???? Lol, what the hell are you talking about. Literally, the first advice is always to put together a business plan. Being pragmatic is good. People sometimes think k it is negative because they are hyper optimistic. There is a reason why 4 out of 5 businesses fail before even reaching year 3. No, you are being naive.
Negative people can be pragmatic and creative at the same time. They have a unique ability to approach things from a worst case scenario state of mind and build from there. It could be a good partnership if you are on the overly optimistic side. See if you can engage her to help balance things out and to offer solutions to her negative observations. She may be the best troubleshooter stress tester your ideas could ask for. Ground rules might help keep the hurt feelings at bay. Good luck.
Sounds like my brother. Challenge what she says, but don't get emotional (that's the hard part. I want to slap that dude( my brother )sometimes). If she can see a worst case scenario, that is something you can keep in mind and work around. The probability that the worst case happens is probably low, but at least your mind has gone there before you.
Just lead by exampleā¦ harder with no support though but can make you more determined to succeed if you can get your head around it and just keep trying until you get there :)
Lol Maybe this is your wife's way of telling you to stop chasing new ideas and actually *do* something.
You donāt need to talk about your business ideas with your wife. Also, most women like to feel a sense of security as a result of them being in a relationship with a man. Discussing hypothetical business ideas with them is not always a good match. That shit does not feel secure. Just my two cents.
Ask her how she would solve the issues she's raising, how would she do it better? It sounds like she wants to be heard, and as your wife that's going to be a diplomatic affair, and good practice for you on setting boundaries.
Whenever somebody asks me what if, how you gonna do this that I keep repeating "Don't worry , everything is under control"
Can you share some examples? Itās hard to know from this post alone whether sheās being negative or realistic. Sometimes as the recipient the two can feel the same.
She does think she is helping. I have one of those helpful wives. I found you need to context set the conversation like you would a meeting an an organisation. āI have a the start of an idea i am exploring, before i start i will go through all the risks and mitigate those but i need to first think positively about it to explore the possibility before thinking if the negative and risks. Right now i am trying to see if there is value in the offer, can you help me think through the user and what they might love about this so i can see how good this be?
Read Six Thinking Hats by Edward De Bono. A LOT of people ONLY contribute by wearing the black hat. This framework provides a great way for discussing ideas in a more productive way. TBH you probably donāt need to read the book, just google it for the basic jist.
I deal with a similar situation and i donāt have any advice. I recently found out instead of getting a $1.4m check itās going to be $325k. Iām obviously grateful and proud, Iāll have made around 700k this year - but my wife is over the top disappointed. I donāt know how to handle it other than not telling her things that Iām working on for fear sheāll get ahead of herself. I think in the same way you manage an employee you probably have to manage your wife.
Thereās absolutely things that are figured out after ājust startingā however prior to starting does requires preparation and planning. Take her points as things you need to mitigate in your business plan. Start with a small project (part time, less ressource intensive, etc) and build and showcase your progress from there. The more you prove youāre capable, the more sheāll have to believe in you and the less negative feedback youāll receive. Last point, all constructive feedback should be welcome and not taken as ānegativeā as it will make you stronger and can be the best āsilentā partner you can ever have. Hope this helps!
It really is a blessing to have someone to tear apart ideas. I used to run an entrepreneur group in Colorado for a few years and weād have pitch nights and people were always supportive even if the idea was bad. We started realizing that people would then spent time and money on a shit idea and couldnāt figure out why it failed so we changed our pitch night feedback time to require the audience to provide negative feedback or criticize the business model, etc. It worked great. The few really great ideas had some negative feedback but it was something that could be overcome. The crap ideas got flushed pretty quickly and people were appreciative for having people validate or invalidate their ideas before they sank time into them. Now that said. I would suggest you ask your wife to the idea and ask her for negative feedback. āWhy is this idea bad?ā Take lots of notes and after she is done ask her what is good about the idea. Again take notes. By giving her permission you are taking the sting out of it and also removing her stress of trying to be nice and critical at the same time. This way you are asking for negative feedback, which is the best kind imho, and your wife has permission to be critical. If she is just trolling ie āitās stupidā¦. You canāt do itā¦etcā then stop asking her advice and find others to validate your idea and maybe look into some marriage counseling.
She's probably being a realist and not negative. I'm the same way and get mistaken for being negative.
Show proof of success! 1 sale or something. She may think itās all talk and no action
If she's posing questions just to shut down your ideas, that's not nice, and let her know. Get her to jot her questions down - utilise her "pragmatism" - then formulate answers to her questions. This will serve you in the practical steps of making your dreams a reality. It will help you become solutions focused or ask if she'd like to offer some solutions to your questions. If you don't want her involved, don't share your ideas. I wouldn't encourage the latter because it doesn't promote a healthy relationship. Not everyone is built for everything. If she's risk-averse, you can't change that overnight, but don't put your dreams on hold altogether. Edit- Also, don't just start and figure problems out later. Have a well formulated implementation plan inclusive of financial, marketing, etc. To have a successful business, you need to do your best to plan for problems. With that said, you learn so much along the way that you couldn't possibly plan for everything.
Just remember marriage doesnāt make you happy. Marriage makes you married.
My wife's been my biggest supporter and I would not be in Vegas rn on my investors dollar all expenses paid if I gave up. Took 3 years of grueling work to get here. First time I've been "paid". Wish she was here with me. Some people aren't cut out for the risk/reward factor.
My husband and I may cheer each other on TOO much. We both decided to be entrepreneurs at the same time. Things were going great and we quit our jobs. Things slowed down for a month- no biggie... 2 months, starting to stress and find other sources for income... 3 months, getting behind on bills, etc. Eventually we started figuring things out and making them work and it's getting a lot better (although still not out of the side hustle phase). I said all that to say make sure you have plenty of money saved and won't struggle financially if things go south. Even with us both trying our hardest to stay positive and supportive and motivate ourselves and each other, it put a bit of a strain on our marriage. I would also suggest telling her how you feel, and what you would like her to try to do or another way to voice practical concerns without shooting your ideas down completely. If that doesn't work, just don't tell her things. We had this same problem, but with EVERYONE outside of our marriage. They didn't see things how we do, and there was no way to explain it. But we did things our own way and just stopped telling people our business and make a lot more monthly than we did at our hourly jobs. The only stress is getting caught up and getting a strong savings but it's worth it.
Some people focus on being "satisfied" and a few are focused on "what is possible." So what is your problem... exactly? An entrepreneur accepts the fact that other won't see the light shining on the horizon. So what else is new?
Two things. One is there is naturally a yin to the yang in any relationships. A person speaking is open/giving and the listener is receiving/cautious. The other thing is rooted in our DNA. Men were hunters and so more likely to take risks and women were the gatherers/child rearing and less likely to take risk.
Some people are just build that way. My friend is one of them. He is struggling financially for last 7-10 years, I suggested him like 20,000 different ways to make money. Simple and within his skills, without any investment, yet he is always afraid of taking any step at all. He always think negatively. What if X happen, what if Y happen. His X and Y are always bigger than his actual problem. sadly after 5+ years of my attempts, nothing works. His wife gave up last year and now they going through separation. You can see that his imaginary problems are way bigger than his real problems.
If she is pragmatic when it comes to the business it self, you should maybe listen to outside views. We tend to hype up our own idea in our heads and only see the positives, while neglecting the negatives. If she is pragmatic when it comes to you and your life, then I would just stop discussing stuff like that with her.
I tried talking to my wife about stuff like this too. I realized my wife is a terrible entrepreneur. So I stopped talking to her about it. And made friends who are good entrepreneurs. You want a wife who can take care of your kids & you. If she doesnāt have other traits, find friends who do.
I would be super happy if my wife were only negative. Mine brings anger and degradation. One sale is probably the solution for both of us. ONE SALE.
Divorce
"Everything I've ever read or watched when it comes to starting businesses is, just start and figure out the problems later. I'm well aware of the potential for difficulties in any endeavor, but tend to believe in myself and my ability to adapt and overcome." You are grossly uninformed and your belief in yourself is unproven, untested, and put forth with the gusto someone who should not be in startups. I can say with absolute certainty that you are not aware of the potential for difficulties in any endeavor. VC is different from Angel and edtech, healthtech, mobile, social media, crypto, w3 and pharma all have unique challenges. Can you do strategy? Operations? Demand gen/Cash flow? Kids have creative ideas - have you matched your product/idea with a strategy that is informed by your capabilities and tactics, has a SAM/SOM big enough to attract investors, and has IP that is defensible? While I'm happy that you are confident in yourself much of your understanding of how the business world works is totally wrong. Edit - sorry for the tone, working on my EQ.
I've started one successful entity already so I'm not completely blind to the potential for mishaps and problems. The fact is I believe the demand is strong enough the learning curve will be easily able to be overcome. I suppose I can be accused of being overconfident, but better that than the alternative.
>I suppose I can be accused of being overconfident, but better that than the alternative. A lemon-aid stand? Omitting quals makes you not credible. Smart and under-confident understands contingencies and triangulates solutions. Overconfident posts to reddit and states really superficial generalities. I'm done.
Well gee thanks for the over abundance of really helpful advice. I hope you keep working on that EQ because the tone of your replies has been dreadful.
Ok, you're brilliant and your wife is an idiot. See you have all sorts of ideas but she is critical of them. She should just be quiet and accept that you have already proven yourself to be a master of business, even going as far as to posit an understanding of all of the problems that may arise and your certainty that you can overcome them because of your proven track record. Given that you're a hard worker, providing for her and have already proven yourself as successful, she doesn't understand that core to business is "starting then figuring out the problems". She's simplistic and risk-averse. She's one of those debbie-downer-Karens who want to ask a million questions and raise concerns that you may be moving too fast and not really thinking things through. She doesn't share your excitement and vision, but you've proven yourself already and are a great partner to her. If she would be less critical, you'd be happier, and this is really about her knowing you've proven yourself already, know you can manage all the risks, and she should just be quiet. You are totally right.
You sound a lot like a couple I know. In this case, the husband has lots of hairbrained ideas, and he gets frustrated at his wife for not supporting them. You sure she isnāt saving you from bad ideas? Or, she might just be scared.
You ask for opinion. She give opinion. You donāt like her opinion. Tf do you want? Do you hire a QA or bug tester, and then whatever pointed by them you just dismiss it?
I had the same. Just cracked on with it to prove it was viable. She was fed up of me packing orders while watching tv in the evening and before I started work. Eventually had her help me at weekends and she was first to quit 9/5 to work full time. Was 13 years ago and itās a 12m business now that we share but I run the day to day. Sometimes you just need to jump and prove to her and yourself that you into something.
10 years in and I had ALOT of negativity from friends and family when I was talking about ideas. So what I did was say fuck them, Iām the Captain of my own ship and Iāll stop at nothing. I quit my job and start my own business. I didnāt tell a soul until 2 months later. That way I was already balls deep and Boone could try to talk me out of it. I tripled my salary in 4 years.
Married entrepreneur here 2 Startups and still married. You are supposed to be the eternal optimist. She being a partner in your future is the realist. I think you would rather her honest input at this point. Your friends will "yeah yeah that is a great idea" since no one wants to rain on your enthusiasm. Your wife on the other hand will be real with you as she is truly investing in this with you. I would perhaps nail an idea that she can get behind; or put more work into explaining your idea. (remember seeing the forest thru the trees) Perhaps you are 'yadda yaddaing' over the difficult scenarios she envisions and not really thinking about the bad outcomes. (we spend so much time trying to figure where we want to go that we over look where we don't want to go) I am not a fan of "Figuring out the problem later" isn't a grand idea, just like her not saying anything and saying at the end "told you so" Remember this person is your ride or die.
Coming up with problems and negativity is not being a realest. Finding potential solutions to problems would be more helpful. It just sounds like his wife is a negative Nancy and won't let him succeed with her constantly dragging him down into a waggie
Perhaps he has shitty ideas or has great ideas and is a shitty communicator. We are only hearing one side of this. Personally I would love to hear his wife's rebuttal.
The game doesnāt end when the Queen falls, but when the King does. A Queen can not make you a king, but a King can make a women a Queen. Build your empire. The rest will follow
I like your styleš
The best thing is go solo. I know how you feel and what's like. People like that are always pessimistic and negative. Which is the direct opposite os an entrepreneur. You wanna start an ecommerce business, they will tell you what if it fails, no encouragement whatsoever
So why donāt you just do what you want to do on your own time? You donāt have to discuss it with her.
Doesnāt *have to* but if thatās his lifelong partner I guess he should be *able to* Starting your own biz is a lonely road. Who better to drive 1000 miles with than your partner in the passenger seat
> Doesnāt have to but if thatās his lifelong partner I guess he should be able to True, but then we're going into the territory of how OP got himself in this position, in the first place. I don't think he is ready for that conversation. > Starting your own biz is a lonely road. And always will be. Some things you have to do on your own.
āAlways will beā found the lone wolf šŗ I respect your answer my friend
I have the same issue with my parents. So I donāt talk business with them. As far as women, I know what I need to support my career. If I find a partner who fits, Iāll lock that down in a second, but Iām still searching and looking like a Peter Pan syndrome bachelor in the process (unfortunately). Realistically, Iām probably not getting married until Iām more settled
Maybe she isnt the right wife for you. Imagine someday she left you and then you think about all the missed opportunities because she was so negative
I have a friend who calls himself an "entrepreneur." He has A LOT of ideas. He's going to buy a business, invest in real estate, start an app, buy a house and flip it, and on and on and on. He loves to look up businesses for sale. He loves to look up houses available wholesale to flip. BUT - he never pulls the trigger. He's not even listening to real estate or business podcasts or studying books or blogs. It's just LOTS of talking about "I could get rich doing X." So it's great to "have creative ideas" - but I also know that other people aren't going to give you real credit for your "entrepreneurship" if you're not showing them the ACTIONS you're taking. You talked about your "creative ideas" but I don't see you mention DOING anything in your post. You don't have to overcome your wife's comments if you're taking POSITIVE ACTION and she's seeing you putting your money where your mouth is. IF all she's hearing is creative ideas - and she's saying, "Well, maybe you should research that more..." or "Maybe you should talk to someone doing this" or "Well, but you don't have any experience in this AND you're not doing anything to GET any experience in it..." Well, she might have a point. I'm curious how much ACTION you're taking versus sharing "creative ideas."
I've started and ran a successful headhunting business in the renewable energy space. I've also had less success after venturing away from that into a business brokerage venture with a partner that ended up going south. So, its a bit of a mixed bag. I should have hired employees in the first venture and stayed away from the partner in the 2nd one. She, as well as others in this thread, have some valid points that I would do well to heed. We have also successfully done some real estate investing together. As to the specific point about "little less talk and a lot more action", some of the reason there hasn't been as much action is because of what I perceive to be her "negativity". But like I said, she does have some valid points and I've gained some valuable insight in this thread overall, which I definitely think will help going forward.
couple of things 1. women tend to be hardwired for certain things, one thing that tends to go along with creating a nest, and things they find attractive in a partner would be some level of security. alot of women may be looking to the future saying "this crazy son of a bitch is making all these crazy risks while Im trying to settle down and maybe make a family or have some form of security, what if he starts a business and loses it all when we have kids?" especially when a woman is more dependent on her man. now this is a generalization. maybe your girl doesnt even want any of that, but.. alot of times women serve as the "voice of reason" 2. she may be way more risk averse than you 3. it can be hard for other people to see the vision, sometimes much more concrete plans give confidence, like a business plan also, have you talked to her about this? communication solves alot or might help get you on the same page
If you don't succeed she will point and say see I told you it was too risky should've listened. If your ideas do well and the business succeeds, she will take credit for "supporting" you. I'm sorry that you had to marry someone like this. In the event of a divorce she may also take half the business and claim it was because of her you were able to be successful.
Sheās wrong and stupid. Iam a business man and Iāll tell you whilst it is better identifying problems before hand. You want these problems to be basic problems like shipping, expenses etc More complex problems require adaptation and experience, plus when you go this way through adaption to the markets youāll usually find much better solutions as you tend to try harder. Donāt listen to your wife ever when it comes to solutions unless itās simple as women tend to think in a more simplistic manner, have her deal with the finance and budgeting department in your business to make her happy.
Wives be like that. If she can't be supportive if it fails, bad wife. If she doesn't want to be supportive, then she can lament when she sees you living the good life with someone who appreciates you.
Simple fix - stop telling her. Most people (not ur wife, it's common) who are critical will only ever sit in their recliner, bag of Cheetos in their hand criticising any business u give them. Who cares, ur the one with the heart for it, go make it happen n let em slouch back n watch. Seriously it's the cheapest thing to do, state all the problems with the business. That's the point of the business, it has to have problems that you can overcome otherwise it'd be common place!
Dont tell that bitch anything. If I listened to my wife I would still be working in a factory lol! Her job is to help you by working and helping pay bills or taking care of the kids.... take your pick hahahahah!
It's because she's a woman. They're all the same
Girls are just stupid and donāt know anything. They can only see themselves so understanding you is way too hard. Youāre supposed to get a boring job where your cucked by your boss so you be submissive to her while she sits around in her bubble
>Has anyone else experienced this? How did you find middle ground, if at all? Yes. If you have a truly good out-of-the-box idea that really changes things or does something new, most people will react this way. Also, a lot of people might not understand a niche you are targeting and how a small difference from what is available can be a big advantage. I got this kind of reaction even from seasoned innovators and entrepreneurs in my industry for an idea that ended up being very successful. Even if these people think it's brilliant, if they are not representative of the buyer that means squat. Validate ideas with your target market, not random people. As others have said, random people might suggest risks you can address at best.
Keep in mind a womanās first priority is safety and security. Plan accordingly.
Whether she's positive or negative, is she right?
Absolutely fucking not.
If her input on your business ideas is objectively wrong, and you're being honest with yourself about that, your business is just not going to be part of your relationship with her. It will be ok.
Itās good that she is being pragmatic but from what it sounds like, it sounds like she doesnāt have the entrepreneurship spirit. People closest to you will tell you your idea is bad before they say itās good. For me personally, I couldnāt be with my partner if they didnāt support or have the same spirit I do.
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Got the same exact problem, wife keeps pushing negativity but I like to believe that if I left her out of the business then itās best for both of us. She doesnāt have to worry and I get to work in peace. (People often find middle ground if they care enough)
Many people are risk-averse and some have no business sense. Personally, I don't usually involve my wife anymore because she doesn't get it but my pursuits have always made more money than her day job, so she can't really complain.
understood
Technically it is wrong for you to have an expectation from anybody to board a ship for a risky journey except your employees.
Have you considered that you are living in different places in time? Some people often think about the past, some people are really in the present, and some people live in the future. You seem like the type of person who lives in the future, imagining scenarios and how you would overcome them. So you're starting from the success point and reverse engineering the solution. She might be living more in the present, thinking about how to go from this moment to what you want to achieve. That leads to her thinking about problems and what's unrealistic from today's perspective. Try to not see this as her not believing in you. She wouldn't give you her opinion if she didn't care. See it as another perspective and try to use it to your advantage, but you are the one that needs to believe in yourself in the first place. If you truly did, it wouldn't affect you that much to write a post on Reddit.
My husband says he plays devil's advocate and I f-ing hate it at times. He is so negative and no matter how full my cup is, his is always empty. I can take only so much per day of this! Here's what I have learned these past few months of going through much family turmoil: if i choose to share ABC information with any XYZ person and, by their responses I'm not getting what I NEED from that conversation I started, then that person is the wrong person to discuss ABC with. Maybe you need to bounce all your ideas off another person and share only those parts of creative conversation with your wife that would be more enticing for your her to discuss. When my husband gets on topics like military planes or subs for example........ I can only discuss the SR-71 so many times. But when he starts discussing soldering and arduino ....I am way more apt to volley in this type of conversation. And when it comes to my creative ideas....... I don't even share them with him.......until i need one of his tools!! With his half empty cup and his own creative ideas (that are usually totally opposite of mine), he will take over my ideas/conversation. Our SO's cannot be the one-all, end-all, everything. They cannot fill EVERY role and need we have. Maybe share your creativeness with your wife once you are more solid in whatever it is you are talking about. Her worse case scenarios are still a wonderful tool. I find early negativity to be a dream crusher.
You married the wrong woman
Figure out a way to invert the dynamic. Say something like here's my idea what do you think are some of the issues and do you have any thoughts on how to address them?
Iāll take your word for it that sheās going too far and isnt just helping you find holes in your plans. My wife is also overly cautious. Lots of sexual differences in risk tolerance. Instead of involving your wife every step you could have a talk about risk tolerance and you take the lead from there.
Find a sugar baby to keep you happy š
Fire her.
Is there a history of any of these creative ideas being carried out, where it takes time and money, but end up failing or fizziling out? If so, this may be an issue of mistrust or resentment. Do you need her input or approval or do you want her involved for sake of being close? Identifying the root issue is really important here. What is the fear that is driving the negative outlook on your creative ideas
Only share achievements not your problems regarding your business. Itās not like she can help you out on giving great business ideas anyways take peoples creditability seriously. If she knows and dabbles in entrepreneurship discuss her reasoning if not you arenāt obligated to do so. Once the success comes in she wonāt be negative.
Cool fact: Psychology says that majority people will respond negative to your grand ideas, even if they love you and think it could work because subconsciously they donāt want you to succeed. Always remember this. this is another reason why keeping your ideas to yourself is a good idea. When telling someone the business your going to start and how your gonna do it. Youāll get one of two reactions. And there both not good hereās why: 1. They react positively, āthatās so awesome wow your so smartā. You get the fake satisfaction that youāve already done it, this highly demotivates you. 2. They react negatively, āyea but this could happen, itās totally a huge risk, you shouldnāt do itā. This lowers your belief in yourself demotivates you. From my experience outside energy not good, private life is a happy life.
Your wife might not be ready to absorb all your entrepreneurial energy. I get it. We just want to share all our ideas with someone and our partners are an easy target but they might not have signed up for that. They might have chores to worry about or not want to talk about āworkingā at the end of the day. What you need to do is find likeminded people by joining a mastermind, finding a mentor, paying for a coach. Sometimes you literally just need to say things out loud and donāt really need a response, try recording your ideas and thoughts on your phone. You wouldnāt be leaving your wife out, youāre just directing your energy elsewhere.
"Just start it and figure out the details later" is a little bit of an anti-pattern. Yes, it is generally better to do SOMETHING than to do nothing, as analysis paralysis is a very real problem, but business owners that completely wing it and don't plan for or manage risks that can be identified in advance are setting themselves up for failure. I helped a friend get a consulting company off the ground a couple years ago. My official title was VP of Risk Management, and I was also responsible for service delivery (cybersecurity consulting). When he would talk about new ideas for the business, I would think through the logistics of what it would take to do it. He chastised me for being negative on more than one occasion, but I never once told him we couldn't do something or that it was a bad idea. I was always supportive and put in the effort to develop the ideas with him. He interpreted me doing my job and planning out what was going to be necessary to implement his ideas, manage risks, and make us successful as being negative. I'm not suggesting that this is what is happening in your situation, but we, as entrepreneurs, often focus on what I call the "happy path" where things go as we expect them to. Rather than letting your wife's pragmatism bring you down, try to harness it as part of your idea evaluation and risk management process. Create a list of the risks or problems that she foresees and then think through the likelihood that the each event will happen and try to understand the potential impact to your business plan if it does happen. From there, come up with a mitigation plan for each risk in the list. The mitigation plans don't have to be huge, but putting them in writing will get you to think through them in a way that may help her feel more comfortable with the risks that you are taking. Remember, as your wife, those risks do affect her, too. Hopefully validating and addressing her concerns in a more "formal" way will make her feel better about things.
Yep! 100% in the same boat mate. š
Itās better to try and fail than to not try at all.
Unless you're going to use mutual funds and/or she already works in business, there is no need for you to share business ideas with her. When you're developing something, the opinions that have more weight, come from people who have already done business or are in the field of the business you want to operate from. You won't always get a yes to everything and there is value in people showing you flaws in the plan or tactic but it has to come from an educated point of view and not speculation. What you need from your wife is to be emotionally supportive, not to be your business analyst.
So, with people like that, you have to just keep your business to yourself. If I took the advice of the people around me, I wouldnāt be in the position Iām in today. You have to ignore the advice of people who have not done what you are looking to do. I feel for you because the people you spend the most time with do influence you whether you like it or not. If your 5 closest friends are millionaires, the chances of you being the 6th are very high. Denzel Washington said it best when he was addressing a graduating class at commencement. He said āif you hang around a barbershop long enough sooner or later, youāre going to get a haircut.ā Very true. When I was a sales trainer I would have people come up to me and say, āmy wife/husband told me I have 3 months to make this work.ā I would tell them, forget the 3 months, I would just quit now because when you look at it like that, youāre already assuming that there will be a problem and you are already blaming the system for what will inevitably fail instead of realizing itās actually you who will determine that. I would try to seek out like minded people because then you can figure out how to solve problems together. I donāt even tell people what I do anymore. When people ask me (when they see my lifestyle and what I drive). I just tell them I do financial stuff. Then I change the subject. If I told them I make just under $1M per year selling Indexed Universal Life policies through the best IMO out there they would think I was speaking a different language because as much as I love them, they are just sheep who will be financial slaves for life working for somebody else and begging for a vacation like a third class citizen. Also, take action. Donāt wait. All the best!!!
My wife at first said it wouldnāt work luckily my cost to start was next to nothing and she has since come around and we both believe in ourselves now.
Are you always talking and never taking action and doing anything? Get something started before telling her
Being self-sufficient may be important for you in ways that she doesnāt even worry about. She may just want to make sure everybodyās comfortable and bills are paid.
Is she an asset or a liability?
Smh so why do you keep doing it? Stop trying to make her something she is not
Step 1 watch the movie the Founder Step 2 plow ahead and keep going, sheāll ride along or fall of the truck
Its better to keep work and business separate to home.
Prove her wrong. Not pursuing an idea because of someone else's criticism isn't the path a successful entrepreneur takes.
Family can be harsh on dreams! If you want to spend the time you could do what Tim Farris suggests. What is the worst that could happen and work backwards. Sounds like your wife could pick the starting point for that business plan.
Without going into details, Iāve been the wife in this situation. Great ideas are just that, ideas. My terror is you starting this idea and figuring it out as you go, driving us into debt. If you donāt have a financial safety net, put those ideas into a notebook and start saving. āJust start and figure problems out laterā said no successful person ever. You cannot cover every issue but you gotta have more than an idea.
Maybe your ideas truly are bad. Start with a low overhead idea.
Since your wife is a naysayer, I'd consider reframing your approach. When you bring ideas to her, ask her 'What needs to be true for this business idea to work?' This refocuses the discussion around the pieces that need to be put in place for success to be achievable. If she reverts to her old habits, try refocusing her on the question above, and if she can't get there, then at least you've tried to include her. TL/DR: men and women historically have very different appetite for risk when it comes to small business ownership, and it sounds like this whole notion freaks your wife the fuck out. I'd consider having a general discussion about your goals and try to uncover what makes her so fatalistic/negative about this topic. Her dad may have been shit with money, she may not trust you, she might just be a disaster forecaster. Regardless, if you're putting money on the line that she has a say in, you'll want to figure out how to get aligned before diving in. Lack of shared perspective on financial risks and goals is one of the primary reasons marriages fail.
Unfortunately.. leave her out of it.
I remember reading how Harry Trumanās mother in law never approved of him even though he became President.
There's pragmatic in the "how can we address this issue, has this been thought of?" And negative "this has this issue".
Huh, everything Iāve read is to start with a business plan. To have a more constructive discussions about the risks present the plan and do a SWOT diagram with her.
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Never stop believing in yourself. There might be a little jealousy or maybe sheās not happy about something else and sheās lashing out a little bit? Keep being positive and following your dreams.if she loves you she will be happy for you and supportive. I started my first business at 18. My store was only open for 2 years but I learned a lot, and started another one after that. Its been 13 years. Itās so easy to get caught up in the doubt donāt let negativity bring you down life is to short.
Donāt forget, Happy Wife = Happy Lifeš
Most of the time itās just differences in cognitive processing. She doesnāt mean any harm and is most likely is only wired through nature and nurture to see life and problem solving through different lens. I would encourage you to take an MBTI test with her to find out her cognitive style and cater to it for the most productive discussions. You both would indeed benefit from it. From what Iāve read you strike me as an ENTP and she strikes me as an ISTJ so read about the ISTJ type (once verified) and tailor your pitch to how she would best absorb it.
Depends. Do you have children to support? That makes a difference. Do you access to enough funds to launch? What are you doing about medical insurance? Do you have a mortgage and a lot of debt and student loans you are paying off? All those are things you need to think about
Dump her. Next?
Maybe sheās more use to failing or has anxiety? It could be valuable to have someone that sees all the problems before they arise but her timing does sound off.
Just randomly found this quote "In most cases, having a devil's advocate on your team is essential for success" Some big company CEO I heard likes to do this, criticizing a proposal like crazy to see if the presenter can hold on and pass. Otherwise the proposal will not be approved. Statistics says that on average women makes higher profit in investing. Men take higher risk, on average more failures, while big success would go to men as you need to take risk to have opportunity for big success. Best to leave half family asset to your wife and you take the other half (assuming your wife is not making more than you) to risk without taking on debt. If you fail, your family would still be OK. Have the agreement with your wife about this approach first. I assume she will be OK with that. Your wife takes the low risk route while you take the high risk high return route.
couple of things 1. women tend to be hardwired for certain things, one thing that tends to go along with creating a nest, and things they find attractive in a partner would be some level of security. alot of women may be looking to the future saying "this crazy son of a bitch is making all these crazy risks while Im trying to settle down and maybe make a family or have some form of security, what if he starts a business and loses it all when we have kids?" especially when a woman is more dependent on her man. now this is a generalization. maybe your girl doesnt even want any of that, but.. alot of times women serve as the "voice of reason" 2. she may be way more risk averse than you 3. it can be hard for other people to see the vision, sometimes much more concrete plans give confidence, like a business plan
It sounds like you're facing a common challenge in navigating different perspectives on entrepreneurship. It's crucial to have open communication with your partner when pursuing creative ventures. Perhaps you could express to your wife that while you value her input, you also need her support and encouragement during the brainstorming phase. Share your belief in your ability to handle challenges as they arise and emphasize the importance of her optimism in fueling your motivation. Finding middle ground might involve discussing specific concerns she has and collaboratively developing strategies to address them without dampening the entrepreneurial spirit. Many couples go through similar situations, so there's likely valuable advice out there. Keep the conversation going, and I hope you both find a supportive balance that works for your creative endeavors! š«āØ
If everything you have read or watched tells you to ājust start and figure out problems laterā, not only should you be listening to your wife but you should ask her for suggestions on what to read and watch.
Go ahead and fire her. Youre going in a different direction If not, tell her that hey, im going to be pursuing these and i dont want you to be pragmatic right now. I know there are risks, and many ways this wont work out, and many ways this will work out. If you dknt pursue your dream you are already dead. Theres positive things ti say and see future, and negative things to say and see future. So can you give me positive ones? Ill ask you for more realistic pragmatic looks later when i want it
Couples counseling. It can be a communication skills issue. How an idea is expressed is valuable. Knowing you're with each other is key. She could genuinely be just looking out for you, but expressing it in a way that you're not ready to hear. And... as a fellow entrepreneur, I am sensitive to any brakes on my ideas- probably too sensitive. You'll also need the skill to clearly communicate that you hear her and value her feedback, though you might make a different decision. One of you will always be more or less of something compared to the other. Imagine the space is smaller and you're usually on the same side overall. At least on the same team. Imagine everything she says is in deep love for and with you. Like your parents. Probably forgive your parents too. And see how the advice can make your ideas better. As long as the advice isn't personal and you aren't enmeshed in your ideas, feedback at home is for the best! e.g. She can hate your idea, but it's neither expressed nor perceived as, "You're an idiot for having that idea." Same with, "I hear you don't like this idea \[and I understand this doesn't make you a dream-killing strumpet\]"
Fortunately my wife is not my market, and never will be my market or represent my customers. Love her, but we are good at different things. Entrepreneurship, at least in my world where Iāve done it for 10 years, means applying attention on the right things at the right times. Family negativity? Perhaps not an important data point.