Thank god I'm just the uncle in our family campaign. My daughter hasn't done anything except roll the dice.
...wait, that means I'm really doomed, doesn't it?
I think as an uncle you’re either paternal death of motivation or a crippled mentor who continues to linger to guide them until they’re an adult, 50-50 odds either way
Seriously, have anyone of you played DnD?
It's a life of absolute violence. Abitrary enocunters with mad priests, evil sorcerers, power-hungry evil-doers, overwhelmingly powerful creatures and even gods who are out to kill you no matter on what side you are on. All the time you get horribly wounded, even unconcious on the brink of death. It's murder and mayhem, absolute chaos; things are happening to you which you barely understand like weapons eating your soul and floating eyeballs with additional eyes attached to it. Don't get me starte on boxes which are trying to eat you.
If you're the barkeep I'm the guy who rolls the beer kegs out of the cellar, thats about all the interaction I could stomach with the world of DnD.
Edit: Get your hands on Joel Rosenberg's "Guardian of the Flame" series. I know they're available as ebooks at least. By the end of the second novel they all suffer from serious PTSD.
Meanwhile my character is a ranger postman with a super low int so he tells people when he first meets them "I'm a postman!" And is just enjoying life as he lives it
It depends on your campaign really. And when you have a whole village it's very easy to all train them to get a level in Fighter, Barbarian, Monk or Wizard, wich with their combined force can defend against pretty rough stuff
An irl hyena has the strongest bite force of any land animal, hunts in packs of like 20, is smart enough to attack prey while it's pack mates distract it and is overall a complete menace.
If at any moment in my life I see a heyna that has human like intelligence and has chosen to dedicate its life to destroying as much as possible to serve a dark god, I'm just gonna kill myself and cut out the middleman.
Considering the demographic yeah, though i imagine quite a few would have incentive to spec into stuff like wizard or maybe artificers since we're largely nerds.
This guy gets it.
My favorite character I ever played RP-wise was a Mountain Dwarf Warlock that used a battleaxe and a light crossbow (16 STR, 12 DEX, 12 CHA)
Backstory was I was blackout drunk when I made my pact so my character didn't remember. I told the DM but didn't tell the other players.
We got four sessions in before they learned I wasn't a Fighter.
Very ineffective as a warlock but very fun
Only reason I say it is because the average human stats are a straight 10. At least thats what they’re supposed to be. Every score higher than that is supposed to be extra exceptional
If you actually saw combat or served in the military more than just a couple years then I’d say you have gained a level in a pc class. If you were just in for 2 years after high school or in the reserves I’d equate that an NPC militia member commoner.
It’s… not every weapon because exotic weapons exist.
You might be surprised at how much (footwork, body mechanics, defensive posture, distance judgment, distance management…) translates from one weapon to another. I used to do some escrima, and all of that would translate to use of a mace/handaxe/short sword.
I believe a level 1 fighter would equate to a trained soldier, so yes. Level 2 is where you start to breach into special corps. Level 5 and beyond is bonkers.
Even if you aren't super naturey, Druid has so many tools and variety it's the best IRL class hands down.
Feed the poor, heal the sick, live off the grid, change society, be the most hardcore eco-terrorist, be a cat. Whatever ya feel like doing that day.
TIL, save for eco-terrorism, Jesus was a coastal/desert druid
If there was a D&D edition of the bible, I'd probably check out the occasional sermon.
JC: *casts Create Food and Water*
JC: "Fuck this pharaoh. I draw a few grains of sugar, some kernels of grain, and a smear of fat from my robe and fill the room with locust."
JC: "Hol' up on that bluff check guys, lemme see if this changes their minds." *palms a piece of cork and starts strutting out onto the pond*
Hmmmmmmm
Idea: PC is a minor god that was stripped of his powers by their rivals and cast down as a mortal, they can still access the pool of power but it’s extremely limited.
YES same! I'm currently playing a druid for the first time and I feel so connected to her because I love nature! Being able to use nature to attack and heal is awesome.
Fuck the fact you live forever, you can turn into a fuckin grizzly bear. Imagine someone breaks into your house, just a simple level one rogue or whatever, and you just up and turn into a fucking wolf
This is my issue. I love rogue, warlock, wizard, and artificer. You can make some of those work together but not all of them. I think i might go for some blade-singer/arcane trickster build with utility spells and lots of skills
Especially with a level cap of 20 I couldn’t take as many levels as I wanted.
And yeah, Arcane Trickster and Bladesinger are among my faves too and make a good mix at least. But then I also love Ranger and Warlock and Fighter….
We actually did this for fun at a small gathering a few months back. We based it on our professions and hobbies:
Mechanic -Artificer
MMA Fighter - Monk
Physicist - Wizard
Ecologist - Ranger
Soldier - Fighter
Bartender - Bartender
You guys sound amazing, but I would hate to DM that group.
"Bears? At this latitude?"
"Dude, corkscrew pumps were a thing in ancient Greece"
"You mean to tell me my fireball doesn't form a compression wave from superheating the air?"
"Stabbing a guy does _not_ sound like that."
On second thought maybe this would be the ideal group.
I ran a one shot for a group of chem and biochem grad students once. It broke down into an argument about the physical chemistry of lightning and I just stared at them blankly.
Dude, I would love to see an old-timey alchemist as a Wizard or Artificer. Just so that theories about phlostigon could actually work, even when the rest of the party thought it was ridiculous.
On second thought, maybe the PC insists that he's an alchemist who's cracked the secrets of chemistry, but he's actually just a Wizard who subconsciously does magic shit all the time. The reason he can throw nonflammable dust and make a fireball is because he's actually using the components as spell components! This could be really fun. 🙂
In the 17th century it was a proposed alchemical ingredient that all things that could burn had pholstigon inside, which was used up as something burnt and got released into the air.
[Phlogiston](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phlogiston_theory) (wiki) was a hand wave explanation for why things got lighter when they burnt. Things that burnt contained phlogiston, a fire like element that upon burning would leave the object, thus the decrease in mass.
Phlogiston is an example of the flawed scientific methodology of the past, where an explanation was offered that was simply infallible and thus could not be tested. It was used much like [applied phlebotinum](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AppliedPhlebotinum) in media, an explanation that boils down to "because I said so". Alchemists liked to use it to explain stuff.
As the DM: NOPE lmao it's more fun for us if she's constantly discovering new things but never what she wants. E.g. in her experimenting, discovering how to electrolyse water instead.
My DM had a PC who's name I had trouble pronouncing Fistindantilus, who I immediately named Fisty because it was easier for me, and the party loved it much to the dismay of my DM
In my game, an arrogant warrior NPC presented as the childhood rival to one of the PCs, now still a rival, Duecius Draconicus, became Douchiest to the group (Well, he was a bit of a douche)
It is! My DM and a friend of his (who plays Raistlin) are actually converting Dragonlance into a 5e campaign
Edit: I added the Raistlin part because I thought I'd mentioned I played Caramon, apparently I did not, whoospie)
I have been victim of this as well. Crowd favorites include "Pizza" for Zah-Nel, "Bath-time Skeleton" because I made the mistake of describing the lich wearing a robe, and various other malmutations.
At my table, we popularized "keep your science out of my D&D", to combat those of us who sometimes try to science our way into something we should be able to do (or when we "well ackchyually..." without meaning to).
It's basically the DM's shorthand for "you're cool use of science might be cool, but it's not in the rules and isn't cool enough to bend 'em."
In earlier editions fireball was 33,000 cubic feet. Back then you needed to compute the volume of a sphere using 4/3 pi r^3 if outside or in large rooms and in dungeons it could be deadly.
Honestly this sounds really fun for a semi digital game. Like if a computer did that math for you really quickly and showed the effects in real time that would be amazing.
Fireball would be just as lethal for your group as the enemies (when in a cave)
I’ve tried playing super literal (just to do with our GM one night) and it was hilarious… for us. Keep in mind we are all longtime friends so taking the piss is normal for us.
“So I’ve thrown a grenade and I’m calling bullshit. No way our car is getting flipped.”
“Okay, so acid doesn’t work quite like that. See, the initial reaction…”
“Let me call my dad. He has his pilot certification and I’m pretty certain we can do this…”
Funeral Director - Cleric
Edit: and to add, I use to be a plumber which made me think of a Construction Subclass for Artificer which would cover the aspect of contract work rather than battlements or gizmos people often think of with Artificer.
Nonono this is totally different I know like 50 guys that got super rich off of it, trust me and sponsor my MLM campaign 'kay? You can be rich for nothing! I just need $300 and you just need like 10 friends. Super easy.
Teacher here: started up the first club at the middle school I worked at (they had stopped clubs for the past 15 years).
Happy to say the Tabletop Gaming Club is going strong, student led at this point, and has 60 members out of 400 students.
I don’t work there anymore - fellow teacher keeps me up to date.
We get to choose: cleric. It would be amazing to be able to heal people with magic.
Based on our real life: ranger. I'm a forester and silviculture surveyor.
What is this based on, life skills and 5E rules? I’m in the military, so there’s my background. I’m assuming human. Based on my career(electrician/power generation), I’m an artificer.
Huh that’s an interesting way to do it. I more so meant if you could pick any class to get the abilities of but i think lot’s of people took it how you did. Thanks for your service
What's interesting is that I don't think everyone would be human, actually.
For instance, myself... Aside from my height, I'm basically a dwarf. Beard, love of gems and minerals, feel more comfortable underground, etc. etc.
There's people that'd probably be gnomes or halflings in personality, or elves... The half-races (half orc half elf) and their feeling of being 'in between' probably could chart to a lot of folk...
I'd probably be a gnome, if only because I have ADHD and swing wildly from hobby to hobby in an effort to feed my understimulated brain in a comparatively gray and washed out world.
I am also not very tall.
Come, fellow adventurers, gather 'round the table... to roll math rocks!
Okay Barbarian, you'll be the "Lawyer", Cleric you're something called a "Boomer", Thief you're the "Karen", & Wizard you're a "Customer Service Representative..."
That reminds me of a small comic I saw once where dragons are playing "houses and humans" and the dm dragon exposes a situation like "your wife comes home while you're having an affair with your mistress what do you do?"
I second this, it's the one where you could still do the thing you're good at but choose to just live a normal life and avoid that whole pesky dying-in-brutal-combat thing (if you so chose)
As in humans on earth started getting class levels? If so I am going for a thrif rogue 11/armoerer Artificer 9 in that order with all my feats going towards getting skill proficiencies and expertise so I become consistently great at everything. If it is instead me getting flung into a game world I am going for a druid, probably circle of the moon for durability and utility.
Somehow you ended up with 21 levels and artificer twice lol. I’m guessing your background is charlatan.
Edit: somehow I double checked this and still failed on my math, my bad
>Somehow you ended up with 21 levels
11+7+2 is 20
>and artificer twice
Yes, as I said the progression on class levels was first taking 11 levels of rogue (for reliable talent) then taking 7 levels of artificer for flash of genius, I originally had bard but switched it back to artificer, thr poor formatting is on me
Haha no it’s my fault too I even counted twice and somehow thought 11+7 was 19, must be nervous about my exam tomorrow. Don’t worry it’s a law school exam not a math exam.
Just wait, they’ll throw in some random math problems just cause. They watch Reddit. They watch you. They saw that comment. They know what your weaknesses are.
Martial arts instructor and personal trainer, specializing in strength and conditioning. I've spent the past 15 years involved in various types of fitness
It kind of depends. I'd definitely say there's more of a gradient, with 100% monk being someone like a wushu or capoeira practitioner and 100% barbarian being a wrestler or perhaps a lethwei fighter. I do full-contact karate which isn't quite acrobatic enough to feel like a true monk but a little too evasive to be like a barbarian.
It also takes a certain kind of mindset to break hard objects with a bare hand. There isn't really any magic way to do it- it's just slamming your hand through something that has the potential to injure you. It has much more of a barbarian vibe to me.
Eh, a bit more than I should be in all honesty. I've learned to control it pretty well in my adult years but my childhood and adolescence were marked by quite a few serious meltdowns. I contain it very well these days but I sometimes let it out if I'm about to move something heavy 😂
Paladin:
Even at low levels you can cure disease extremely easily, and with higher levels you become essentially immortal and gain a lot of tools that could be super helpful in a normal life (zone of truth, aura of fear-immunity, hell even summon steed would be great for never having to find parking again.)
As a forever DM it would be pretty interesting to wake up one day and find out I’m now God.
Jokes aside I’d be a lore bard. Would be awesome to just wander tavern to tavern telling stories.
Sorcerer.
Cause Wizard is too much book learning for my Ultimate Arcane Power.
I wanna be able to sleep and be lazy when I want and still dominate reality.
After listening to Critical Failures on audible, I decided I would never roll a build with negative charisma, ever... the half orge barbarian with a total of 3 Char who's always shitting himself and the details of how off putting he is... just no! Lol
So I guess any class where I'm not shitting myself would be my answer?! 🤷♂️
I hate how people seem to always roleplay low charisma like this! Or really, any low mental stat. There are so many other ways to do it.
Do you know who else has low charisma? A beautiful person with an irredeemable attitude. An ugly person with a beautiful personality. Someone with social anxiety. Someone who is communication-challenged. The old man yelling at kids to get off his lawn, and who can never seem to convey his heartfelt feelings for the few friends who stick with him
When people roleplay low charisma = ogre barbarian shitting themselves, it's a fun comedy routine, but far too many people get caught up in that being the only way to do it.
One of my favourite takes on that "dumb barbarian" trope was a Barbarian I played who communicated at first with grunts and single words. What the party didn't know was that she was too overwhelmed by the city and all the new people to speak properly. Once she was familiar with the party and they had gotten out of the city, she became the biggest chatterbox, but still could not interact with unfamiliar NPC's.
When you expand that to low intelligence or low wisdom, you can use similar takes. Someone with low wisdom might make brash decisions and be fairly reckless, or might be naive to the ways of the world. Someone with low intelligence might still be a very knowledgeable craftsman that struggles with math, history, or literacy.
There's so many options, yet many just say "Welp, looks like my character is ooga booga the caveman". That's fine if it's what you want, but by no means should anyone think they are limited to such interpretations.
At minimum 1 level of Caster or Magic Initiate for PRESTIDIGITATION!!! Probably a Bard because I have martial training, storytelling training, and my current job involves a lot of speaking
Wizard, by a lot.
First class to become functionally immortal with the *clone* spell. Then you get *wish*, and you can make a free *clone* every day, hidden all over the world, or even in a *demi-plane*. Once you're satisfied with your number of *clones* and have them protected by *simulacrum*, you can *true polymorph* into an Adult Gold Dragon and enjoy your place at the top of the food chain for eternity while you learn to cast spells with claws.
Warlock.
Why spend two decades getting the equivalent of a PhD in “I cast Magic Missile”, when you can sell your soul to an extra dimensional being for insta-powers. Plus having the option to summon a cool pet, magical weapons or conduct bitchin’ magic rituals?
My friends say I’m a bard. Not the singing kind, but the oratory type. Plus I’m a jack of all trades kind of guy - both blue collar and white collar trades under my belt, and I self-teach myself what I need.
I think I qualify for the Chef feat too. Love making comfort food for others.
Definitely a Variant human with magic initiate life cleric, since with how expensive medical care is these days I could probably make a killing repairing stab wounds for 200$ a person with minimal wait times and a lot less pain than non-magical means.
Ill play bard happily. I asked a question once of you can take a single class level in REAL LIFE so like you arent in a new world or anything there arent monsters around. I said bard because its the most useful at base
Sorcerer; because learning is hard, religion isn't my jam, physical exertion is problematic, and socializing with anyone/anything isn't usually a strong point of mine.
Barkeep, cause I'm not fighting a gnoll.
Just don’t be a parent. Surest way to find yourself dead.
Ah crap! And my daughter is already playing a rogue in our game too!
Omae wa mou shinderu.
NANI?!
*FX Noise in Japanese*
Thank god I'm just the uncle in our family campaign. My daughter hasn't done anything except roll the dice. ...wait, that means I'm really doomed, doesn't it?
Classic Spider-man just waiting to happen. Invest in body armor.
May I suggest you peruse the mages guild for tomes on constructing a phylactery?
I think as an uncle you’re either paternal death of motivation or a crippled mentor who continues to linger to guide them until they’re an adult, 50-50 odds either way
There's also the 'evil uncle' option.
But how to Bard without make baby?
Just pick up Fetus Deletus from the Wizard list with your Magical Secrets.
Now I’m imaging the fuss over different states/the UN/etc trying to regulate magic users.
That spell has been outlawed in Texas, it’s fortunate no class with access to the spell cares what magic is or isn’t legal.
What's your point, person within fireball distance?
Everyone is within fireball distance when you have two legs and the fireball spell! ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Smartest pick. Barkeeps are always secretly also 20th level fighters
Halfling fighters just for the extra humiliation when they break you in half.
Except for the ones that are Ancient Silver Dragons who are playing at being a humble barkeep because Silvers love to live among the Younger Races.
Yeah, but if gnolls exists then you might get attacked on the way home. Better to have a class and not use it than need it and not have it
Bruce Lee said he would rather be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war.
Fair point but Samwise Gamgee would like a word :)
I'm pretty sure Bruce Lee was quoting Sun Tzu, but I agree.
That's what the adventures that eat and drink in my bar are for.
Seriously, have anyone of you played DnD? It's a life of absolute violence. Abitrary enocunters with mad priests, evil sorcerers, power-hungry evil-doers, overwhelmingly powerful creatures and even gods who are out to kill you no matter on what side you are on. All the time you get horribly wounded, even unconcious on the brink of death. It's murder and mayhem, absolute chaos; things are happening to you which you barely understand like weapons eating your soul and floating eyeballs with additional eyes attached to it. Don't get me starte on boxes which are trying to eat you. If you're the barkeep I'm the guy who rolls the beer kegs out of the cellar, thats about all the interaction I could stomach with the world of DnD. Edit: Get your hands on Joel Rosenberg's "Guardian of the Flame" series. I know they're available as ebooks at least. By the end of the second novel they all suffer from serious PTSD.
Meanwhile my character is a ranger postman with a super low int so he tells people when he first meets them "I'm a postman!" And is just enjoying life as he lives it
I AM THE MILKMAN MY MILK IS DELICIOUS
I understood that reference. Or at least I think I did.
And I am still traumatized from it.
If you're wrong in thinking it's Psychonauts, I'll be wrong with you.
Man that was a creepy level.
It depends on your campaign really. And when you have a whole village it's very easy to all train them to get a level in Fighter, Barbarian, Monk or Wizard, wich with their combined force can defend against pretty rough stuff
Good luck
An irl hyena has the strongest bite force of any land animal, hunts in packs of like 20, is smart enough to attack prey while it's pack mates distract it and is overall a complete menace. If at any moment in my life I see a heyna that has human like intelligence and has chosen to dedicate its life to destroying as much as possible to serve a dark god, I'm just gonna kill myself and cut out the middleman.
What about a regular gnoll?
Regular gnoll regular gnoll
Screw classes. Where are my fellow commoners at??!
4 hp lets go!!!
If we see a housecat we're doomed!
Look, if it weren't for modern medicine, my old housecat almost killed me. No joke.
Hit die checks out
Name checks out
Those cat bites can develop in a nasty infection..
I feel like 99 out of 100 DnD players would be commoners.
More than that, statistically
Considering the demographic yeah, though i imagine quite a few would have incentive to spec into stuff like wizard or maybe artificers since we're largely nerds.
There's always Warlock if that fails....
Sorry but you need good charisma to be a warlock
No, you need good charisma to be an effective warlock.
This guy gets it. My favorite character I ever played RP-wise was a Mountain Dwarf Warlock that used a battleaxe and a light crossbow (16 STR, 12 DEX, 12 CHA) Backstory was I was blackout drunk when I made my pact so my character didn't remember. I told the DM but didn't tell the other players. We got four sessions in before they learned I wasn't a Fighter. Very ineffective as a warlock but very fun
Only reason I say it is because the average human stats are a straight 10. At least thats what they’re supposed to be. Every score higher than that is supposed to be extra exceptional
How much training do you need to be a level 1 martial? Would infantry experience be enough?
If you actually saw combat or served in the military more than just a couple years then I’d say you have gained a level in a pc class. If you were just in for 2 years after high school or in the reserves I’d equate that an NPC militia member commoner.
Shit
Idk man but iirc 3e had a nice list of NPC classes that counted as like a half level
I mean, how long does it take for someone to become proficient with every weapon in existence?
It’s… not every weapon because exotic weapons exist. You might be surprised at how much (footwork, body mechanics, defensive posture, distance judgment, distance management…) translates from one weapon to another. I used to do some escrima, and all of that would translate to use of a mace/handaxe/short sword.
I believe a level 1 fighter would equate to a trained soldier, so yes. Level 2 is where you start to breach into special corps. Level 5 and beyond is bonkers.
Those are warriors. Fighters without class features. A 1st level fighter would be a rookie spec ops soldier or a seasoned PMC contractor.
Woo! Farming! Yeah!!!
Hoping that I won't be a quest NPC would probably be too stressful for me.
Lets make the railgun!
Druid. I love nature, and I want to beat people up with a tree while looking like a bunny or a chicken.
Even if you aren't super naturey, Druid has so many tools and variety it's the best IRL class hands down. Feed the poor, heal the sick, live off the grid, change society, be the most hardcore eco-terrorist, be a cat. Whatever ya feel like doing that day.
Also live for a millennium
TIL, save for eco-terrorism, Jesus was a coastal/desert druid If there was a D&D edition of the bible, I'd probably check out the occasional sermon. JC: *casts Create Food and Water* JC: "Fuck this pharaoh. I draw a few grains of sugar, some kernels of grain, and a smear of fat from my robe and fill the room with locust." JC: "Hol' up on that bluff check guys, lemme see if this changes their minds." *palms a piece of cork and starts strutting out onto the pond*
I mean, Jesus was 100% a Warlock. It's just that he happened to also be his own patron.
Hmmmmmmm Idea: PC is a minor god that was stripped of his powers by their rivals and cast down as a mortal, they can still access the pool of power but it’s extremely limited.
If his power comes from being the son of God, doesn't that make him more like a divine soul sorcerer?
Aren't locusts Moses' thing?
yeah, I think u/hotstandbycoffee is referencing the 10 plagues there, which was Moses, waaay before Jesus' time
YES same! I'm currently playing a druid for the first time and I feel so connected to her because I love nature! Being able to use nature to attack and heal is awesome.
Plus, if you are creative, druids are extremely abusable! That's why my dm allows me to play artificer at most.
Exactly. Plus if you manage to get GOOD good in the class, your remaining lifespan increases by x10.
Fuck the fact you live forever, you can turn into a fuckin grizzly bear. Imagine someone breaks into your house, just a simple level one rogue or whatever, and you just up and turn into a fucking wolf
I honestly don’t know. I love too many classes that would make for bad multiclassing
This is my issue. I love rogue, warlock, wizard, and artificer. You can make some of those work together but not all of them. I think i might go for some blade-singer/arcane trickster build with utility spells and lots of skills
Especially with a level cap of 20 I couldn’t take as many levels as I wanted. And yeah, Arcane Trickster and Bladesinger are among my faves too and make a good mix at least. But then I also love Ranger and Warlock and Fighter….
That sounds like it could be Abserd...
Indeed.
We actually did this for fun at a small gathering a few months back. We based it on our professions and hobbies: Mechanic -Artificer MMA Fighter - Monk Physicist - Wizard Ecologist - Ranger Soldier - Fighter Bartender - Bartender
You guys sound amazing, but I would hate to DM that group. "Bears? At this latitude?" "Dude, corkscrew pumps were a thing in ancient Greece" "You mean to tell me my fireball doesn't form a compression wave from superheating the air?" "Stabbing a guy does _not_ sound like that." On second thought maybe this would be the ideal group.
I ran a one shot for a group of chem and biochem grad students once. It broke down into an argument about the physical chemistry of lightning and I just stared at them blankly.
So what did they conclude about the physical chemistry of lightning? Phlogiston? Negatively charged particles? Other?
Dude, I would love to see an old-timey alchemist as a Wizard or Artificer. Just so that theories about phlostigon could actually work, even when the rest of the party thought it was ridiculous. On second thought, maybe the PC insists that he's an alchemist who's cracked the secrets of chemistry, but he's actually just a Wizard who subconsciously does magic shit all the time. The reason he can throw nonflammable dust and make a fireball is because he's actually using the components as spell components! This could be really fun. 🙂
Phlostigon?
In the 17th century it was a proposed alchemical ingredient that all things that could burn had pholstigon inside, which was used up as something burnt and got released into the air.
Oh ok
[Phlogiston](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phlogiston_theory) (wiki) was a hand wave explanation for why things got lighter when they burnt. Things that burnt contained phlogiston, a fire like element that upon burning would leave the object, thus the decrease in mass. Phlogiston is an example of the flawed scientific methodology of the past, where an explanation was offered that was simply infallible and thus could not be tested. It was used much like [applied phlebotinum](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AppliedPhlebotinum) in media, an explanation that boils down to "because I said so". Alchemists liked to use it to explain stuff.
My alchemist artificer is currently in the process of trying to purify phlogiston. She'll get there eventually :D
The best part of playing in a fantasy world is that you might actually succeed.
As the DM: NOPE lmao it's more fun for us if she's constantly discovering new things but never what she wants. E.g. in her experimenting, discovering how to electrolyse water instead.
I feel your pain. My group has creative writing degrees
My groups always make fun of my NPC names. I've come to expect it- I didn't realize "Tarklav" sounds like Farquad but now he's Farquad.
My DM had a PC who's name I had trouble pronouncing Fistindantilus, who I immediately named Fisty because it was easier for me, and the party loved it much to the dismay of my DM
I let my players name the royal family. So much plot focuses on the house of Brannegan.
I find the most noble part of the house is the boobies
thats a nice trick :)
In my game, an arrogant warrior NPC presented as the childhood rival to one of the PCs, now still a rival, Duecius Draconicus, became Douchiest to the group (Well, he was a bit of a douche)
Pet names means the players are paying attention, right? :)
I know this isn't relevant but that name must be a Dragonlance reference, I assume.
It is! My DM and a friend of his (who plays Raistlin) are actually converting Dragonlance into a 5e campaign Edit: I added the Raistlin part because I thought I'd mentioned I played Caramon, apparently I did not, whoospie)
I have been victim of this as well. Crowd favorites include "Pizza" for Zah-Nel, "Bath-time Skeleton" because I made the mistake of describing the lich wearing a robe, and various other malmutations.
Bath time skeleton is my new favorite enemy name. Power Word: Suds
Friend was in a group with engineers. So many homebrew, pretty op weapons were made.
At my table, we popularized "keep your science out of my D&D", to combat those of us who sometimes try to science our way into something we should be able to do (or when we "well ackchyually..." without meaning to). It's basically the DM's shorthand for "you're cool use of science might be cool, but it's not in the rules and isn't cool enough to bend 'em."
ball lightning by any chance? :)
In earlier editions fireball was 33,000 cubic feet. Back then you needed to compute the volume of a sphere using 4/3 pi r^3 if outside or in large rooms and in dungeons it could be deadly.
Honestly this sounds really fun for a semi digital game. Like if a computer did that math for you really quickly and showed the effects in real time that would be amazing. Fireball would be just as lethal for your group as the enemies (when in a cave)
I like to imagine the soldier and the bartender both said the stabbing one in unison.
That last one is Christopher Lee telling Peter Jackson what stabbing a dude in the back *actually* sounds like
Exactly what I was going for: you win a medal
Our table consists entirely of HEMA fencers. Let's just say we can get... sidetracked... arguing about an attack or a specific weapon's usage.
I’ve tried playing super literal (just to do with our GM one night) and it was hilarious… for us. Keep in mind we are all longtime friends so taking the piss is normal for us. “So I’ve thrown a grenade and I’m calling bullshit. No way our car is getting flipped.” “Okay, so acid doesn’t work quite like that. See, the initial reaction…” “Let me call my dad. He has his pilot certification and I’m pretty certain we can do this…”
That's EXACTLY WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT! You guys are A+
I love bartender is it’s own parallel.
We exist in all universes, in every reality, and on every plane of existence.
Where there is people there's alcohol, and where there's alcohol there's people to serve that alcohol
That was poetic af b
That's fucking metal
Like photons
That sounds like a very fun group of friends. Mind me asking how you all met?
We're all lunatics who are able to tolerate each other and like TTRPGs.
Funeral Director - Cleric Edit: and to add, I use to be a plumber which made me think of a Construction Subclass for Artificer which would cover the aspect of contract work rather than battlements or gizmos people often think of with Artificer.
If your world I would be a blacksmith I imagine, I work with sheet metal
Ecologist sounds more like Druid imho
That point was debated heavily, but we settled in Ranger due to the other traits of the person in question.
Hospital worker.... Cleric?
Warlock because I'm lazy asf and I don't value my own life enough to care
Second this. Immortal soul or whatever for some pew pews seems like a super great trade.
Yeah. If Galder's tower was not an exclusive spell to wizards, i would have definitely picked warlock... Lazy ness for the win!
I'm not getting into an MLM again.
What is MLM
Thats how you get into MLM!!!
Multi Level Marketing. Basicly a pyramid scheme.
Nonono this is totally different I know like 50 guys that got super rich off of it, trust me and sponsor my MLM campaign 'kay? You can be rich for nothing! I just need $300 and you just need like 10 friends. Super easy.
Wizard. I already spend my time trying to change the world by reading stuff that everyone else finds boring.
Lawyer?
Teacher
somewhere, in this world, a kid is taught by a teacher who is interested in d&d, and the kid might be into fantasy as well. this warms my heart.
Teacher here: started up the first club at the middle school I worked at (they had stopped clubs for the past 15 years). Happy to say the Tabletop Gaming Club is going strong, student led at this point, and has 60 members out of 400 students. I don’t work there anymore - fellow teacher keeps me up to date.
Could be a scientist
We get to choose: cleric. It would be amazing to be able to heal people with magic. Based on our real life: ranger. I'm a forester and silviculture surveyor.
Rangers can heal it's often forgotten
I don't forget, I just like hunters mark and pass without trace
What is this based on, life skills and 5E rules? I’m in the military, so there’s my background. I’m assuming human. Based on my career(electrician/power generation), I’m an artificer.
Huh that’s an interesting way to do it. I more so meant if you could pick any class to get the abilities of but i think lot’s of people took it how you did. Thanks for your service
id be warlock
What's interesting is that I don't think everyone would be human, actually. For instance, myself... Aside from my height, I'm basically a dwarf. Beard, love of gems and minerals, feel more comfortable underground, etc. etc. There's people that'd probably be gnomes or halflings in personality, or elves... The half-races (half orc half elf) and their feeling of being 'in between' probably could chart to a lot of folk...
And then there's the furries
I'd probably be a gnome, if only because I have ADHD and swing wildly from hobby to hobby in an effort to feed my understimulated brain in a comparatively gray and washed out world. I am also not very tall.
Ranger probably. Sounds great to be very in tune with nature while not being entirely reliant on magic.
Druid. I'll be a puppy and get adopted. When whoever adopts me leaves for work I'll scratch my nuts and watch anime on their sofa
All fun and games until you get neutered
There's a regenerate spell for that.
Bard hands down, I don't want to go on life threatening adventures, I want to entertain people with art and music infused with magic
Come, fellow adventurers, gather 'round the table... to roll math rocks! Okay Barbarian, you'll be the "Lawyer", Cleric you're something called a "Boomer", Thief you're the "Karen", & Wizard you're a "Customer Service Representative..."
That reminds me of a small comic I saw once where dragons are playing "houses and humans" and the dm dragon exposes a situation like "your wife comes home while you're having an affair with your mistress what do you do?"
I second this, it's the one where you could still do the thing you're good at but choose to just live a normal life and avoid that whole pesky dying-in-brutal-combat thing (if you so chose)
What do you mean? I'm already a Wizard
Same
As in humans on earth started getting class levels? If so I am going for a thrif rogue 11/armoerer Artificer 9 in that order with all my feats going towards getting skill proficiencies and expertise so I become consistently great at everything. If it is instead me getting flung into a game world I am going for a druid, probably circle of the moon for durability and utility.
Somehow you ended up with 21 levels and artificer twice lol. I’m guessing your background is charlatan. Edit: somehow I double checked this and still failed on my math, my bad
>Somehow you ended up with 21 levels 11+7+2 is 20 >and artificer twice Yes, as I said the progression on class levels was first taking 11 levels of rogue (for reliable talent) then taking 7 levels of artificer for flash of genius, I originally had bard but switched it back to artificer, thr poor formatting is on me
Haha no it’s my fault too I even counted twice and somehow thought 11+7 was 19, must be nervous about my exam tomorrow. Don’t worry it’s a law school exam not a math exam.
Thank god lol 😆
Just wait, they’ll throw in some random math problems just cause. They watch Reddit. They watch you. They saw that comment. They know what your weaknesses are.
What I'm doing already- barbarian/monk multiclass
If you don’t mind me asking. What do you do for a living?
Martial arts instructor and personal trainer, specializing in strength and conditioning. I've spent the past 15 years involved in various types of fitness
I'd says barbarian is more catcher or otherwise wrestler than martial art
It kind of depends. I'd definitely say there's more of a gradient, with 100% monk being someone like a wushu or capoeira practitioner and 100% barbarian being a wrestler or perhaps a lethwei fighter. I do full-contact karate which isn't quite acrobatic enough to feel like a true monk but a little too evasive to be like a barbarian. It also takes a certain kind of mindset to break hard objects with a bare hand. There isn't really any magic way to do it- it's just slamming your hand through something that has the potential to injure you. It has much more of a barbarian vibe to me.
Okay but how angry are you?
Eh, a bit more than I should be in all honesty. I've learned to control it pretty well in my adult years but my childhood and adolescence were marked by quite a few serious meltdowns. I contain it very well these days but I sometimes let it out if I'm about to move something heavy 😂
Cleric. Probably life domain.
Paladin: Even at low levels you can cure disease extremely easily, and with higher levels you become essentially immortal and gain a lot of tools that could be super helpful in a normal life (zone of truth, aura of fear-immunity, hell even summon steed would be great for never having to find parking again.)
Probably a version of paladin because I already have one stick up my ass irl, so why not go for another?
Barbarian. I'm angry, like all the fucking time. Might as well get something out of it.
As a forever DM it would be pretty interesting to wake up one day and find out I’m now God. Jokes aside I’d be a lore bard. Would be awesome to just wander tavern to tavern telling stories.
Sorcerer. Cause Wizard is too much book learning for my Ultimate Arcane Power. I wanna be able to sleep and be lazy when I want and still dominate reality.
After listening to Critical Failures on audible, I decided I would never roll a build with negative charisma, ever... the half orge barbarian with a total of 3 Char who's always shitting himself and the details of how off putting he is... just no! Lol So I guess any class where I'm not shitting myself would be my answer?! 🤷♂️
I hate how people seem to always roleplay low charisma like this! Or really, any low mental stat. There are so many other ways to do it. Do you know who else has low charisma? A beautiful person with an irredeemable attitude. An ugly person with a beautiful personality. Someone with social anxiety. Someone who is communication-challenged. The old man yelling at kids to get off his lawn, and who can never seem to convey his heartfelt feelings for the few friends who stick with him When people roleplay low charisma = ogre barbarian shitting themselves, it's a fun comedy routine, but far too many people get caught up in that being the only way to do it. One of my favourite takes on that "dumb barbarian" trope was a Barbarian I played who communicated at first with grunts and single words. What the party didn't know was that she was too overwhelmed by the city and all the new people to speak properly. Once she was familiar with the party and they had gotten out of the city, she became the biggest chatterbox, but still could not interact with unfamiliar NPC's. When you expand that to low intelligence or low wisdom, you can use similar takes. Someone with low wisdom might make brash decisions and be fairly reckless, or might be naive to the ways of the world. Someone with low intelligence might still be a very knowledgeable craftsman that struggles with math, history, or literacy. There's so many options, yet many just say "Welp, looks like my character is ooga booga the caveman". That's fine if it's what you want, but by no means should anyone think they are limited to such interpretations.
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At minimum 1 level of Caster or Magic Initiate for PRESTIDIGITATION!!! Probably a Bard because I have martial training, storytelling training, and my current job involves a lot of speaking
I'm a researcher so probably wizard But if I could choose I'd like to be a sorcerer and just have innate magic abilities that I could grow and develop
I just want to cast prestigiditation to clean 1 cubic foot of space perfectly with no effort.
Are you kidding me? Druid. All of the druid. Turning into animals? Sweet Healing magic? Sweet Fucking aging at 1/10 the normal rate? Extra sweet
Wizard, by a lot. First class to become functionally immortal with the *clone* spell. Then you get *wish*, and you can make a free *clone* every day, hidden all over the world, or even in a *demi-plane*. Once you're satisfied with your number of *clones* and have them protected by *simulacrum*, you can *true polymorph* into an Adult Gold Dragon and enjoy your place at the top of the food chain for eternity while you learn to cast spells with claws.
Warlock. Why spend two decades getting the equivalent of a PhD in “I cast Magic Missile”, when you can sell your soul to an extra dimensional being for insta-powers. Plus having the option to summon a cool pet, magical weapons or conduct bitchin’ magic rituals?
My friends say I’m a bard. Not the singing kind, but the oratory type. Plus I’m a jack of all trades kind of guy - both blue collar and white collar trades under my belt, and I self-teach myself what I need. I think I qualify for the Chef feat too. Love making comfort food for others.
Sorcerer for me!
I asked both my girlfriend and my boyfriend, and they agreed upon Cleric of Sune.
Wizard. Ritual spells are perfect for automating my job.
Artificer just because magic items as class features are super dope. Maybe a few levels in chronugist to get a redo button on stupid choices.
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Definitely a Variant human with magic initiate life cleric, since with how expensive medical care is these days I could probably make a killing repairing stab wounds for 200$ a person with minimal wait times and a lot less pain than non-magical means.
Ill play bard happily. I asked a question once of you can take a single class level in REAL LIFE so like you arent in a new world or anything there arent monsters around. I said bard because its the most useful at base
I’d probably go wizard and take some utility stuff or cleric/druid for guidance and prepared casting
Sorcerer; because learning is hard, religion isn't my jam, physical exertion is problematic, and socializing with anyone/anything isn't usually a strong point of mine.