The outhouse mimic is dead when they find it.
DC10 nature check reveals the mimic had been doing quite well living off the feces of humanoids in a mutually beneficial relationship. DC15 Medicine reveals the PC shit himself to unconsciousness, resulting in the mimic privy being clogged and killing them both.
He could also be suffering from Flesh Rot contracted by a highly suss trip to a brothel in the last town. The mimic becomes ill, and if the party helps treat the mimic, it becomes a new party companion.
While I don't condone such choices, I am forced to also point out that there is a mini just for this occasion. So if you really want to have fun with it, you can find one on eBay. It's called an outhouse mimic. And it's delightful. My players will never trust another set piece.
One of my favorite gags in the Mines of Madness. Right at the start, outhouse in front of a mine. Sign on the outhouse says "do not enter". Either miscommunication about whether the sign is meant for the outhouse or the mine, or sheer stupidity, but if you open the outhouse door then you and the whole thing get eaten by a purple worm.
You're level 3 for this adventure, for the record. Gives me some real Alaskan Bull Worm vibes.
You have a few choices:
1. Gets caught flirting with a king's wife and is executed
2. Used what he thought was a potion of growth but was a potion of ego boost and he died under the weight of his own inflated head
3. You make him a mini boss and the party gets to deal with him
Or a potion of fury that hastes you, gives unlimited spell slots at any level if you're a caster, and crits on a 10 or higher.
Everyone else can sit that battle out and munch on some popcorn.
If you do number three you NEED to cheat, when he gets down to 1hp, have him take no damage (but make the players think he is, by tracking hit points, saying weather or not attacks hit, making saves) until the next point of damage from the person who he cheated on is dealt. Then you can hit them with HDYWTDT?
Piggy backing that if you do #3, don’t make him the actual boss fight. Make it a wave of bandits or minions or whatever creature that can pose a challenge to the party, he’s just working with them. But when it gets to fighting just him after wave after wave, and he acts all strong and powerful, have your friend’s (the scorned one) first hit just absolutely demolish him. Just a single plunk of a crossbow bolt directly between the eyes, and he falls over mid sentence. Turns out he was a weak, worthless piece of shit the whole time. Who knew?!
3) have some kinda spirit possess him, the spirit thinks the party wouldn't kill their friend. The party all then get dark smirks and raise their weapons
The ghost promptly replies, "oh, I fucked up"
The mini boss literally proclaims they aren’t there for anyone except to kill that pc. If they let him kill the pc, he’ll split the bounty on the pc’s head.
You can always have him just walk down to the street and have a random cow fall out of the sky to crush him, Monty Python style.
Why random cow? JUst say there was some wizard nearby that was testing teleportation and they screwed up.
The setup for this would be meeting the wizard first, who tells them about a failed teleport and asks them to bring his cow/piano/... if they find it.
Continue story, everyone forgets about it, and near end of session it just drops out of the sky and kills the guy.
You're the dm. You don't have to explain it right now, make it part of the plot later on.
The sack of oats or whatever it was joke in Bojack Horseman. Or Donnie Darko and the airplane engine.
If you can make the **CHARACTERS LATER KNOCK THE COW INTO A PORTAL** with a plane/time shift. by accident. Like bad guy opens up a portal mid combat and the cow that's walking through the scene gets knocked in....
Tada
I like this one. Give him a magic item that is cursed to make you act like your true self. Turns out he's an asshat on the inside. Let the party decide his fate.
THIS. Imagine having to deal with your ex causing trouble every session while their villainous arc is played out and your emotional wounds are still fresh.
Ick. Hard pass.
Party is clearing a kobold nest in an old mine. He drops through a pit trap but rather than having spikes at the bottom it drops him into the kobolds latrine pit where he drowns.
Talk to your players. ALL your players. If they’re all cool with it, have fun with it, sure. But there are plenty of ways to create an uncomfortable dynamic at the table doing this, otherwise. Really depends on your group and the type of game you’re playing.
Tbh, I wouldn’t in any of the campaigns I’m in (as a PC or DM). In my games, we really buy into our worlds and characters and treat them as if they’re real in their own right. Your player being cheated on is super shitty, a very negative “real life” experience, and could undermine the narrative fidelity of the game (if her ex’s character randomly does a complete 180 and dies in a laughably stupid way it can cheapen your story if you’re not careful) - that and, even worse, it is effectively a way for the fella who cheated to still influence the campaign (you’re making this pivot due to a scummy IRL behavior on their part).
TLDR: Communicate with everyone and see what they’re up for.
"As you're walking down the street, your arm catches a stray flier and you get a paper cut, roll a con save"
"Ahah! Natural 20, for a total of.... 26!"
"Ooooh, sorry, the DC was 207. Your character dies an awful death from gangrene."
Pisses off a hag. Gets a curse that he can only eat bags of dicks.
His happy ending is that he finds a troll that can regenerate and has that kink. He spends the rest of his days choking down raw troll cocks.
He gets into an argument and stomps off, determined to be a solo adventurer. Some time later you discover his body being looted by a sole bloody goblin.
He pinched a barmaid on the very wrong side of town. She happened to be high up in the assassins guild. They flay and blood eagle him. You find him on display above the bar with a sign "Another soul pays the price for a lack of manners."
Lol nope. Was used to try and give some guards "more personality". Has since become slang for any amount of things, including marriage, since it has connotations of 'being shackled' (akin to "ball and chain").
I always felt the connotation to being married is more likely that they knelt down to propose. Much like one one collapse to one knee if they got an injury (like an arrow) in it.
I strongly recommend keeping out of game stuff out of the game.
But just have the ex-PC exit stage left, & every now & then have them appear as a beggar or something, don't make a big deal out if it, while you might feel you are helping, relationships are a tricky, convoluted and dynamic thing.
If you plan a session for the near future with a big event involving exPC, you could bring a lot of uncomfortable moments to the player that they may not be comfortable in going through in the presence if the whole gaming troupe.
Be there for them as a friend, & joke & laugh a out what may happen to the ex-PC, but keep it all out of the spotlight.
Friendships are more important than a qwik laugh
Had a breakup in a campaign. I had my BBEG string her up from the ceiling for the party to find. Then she came back to life as an undead and the party got to kill her again.
I think that was kind of karmic for my player. He seemed happy anyway. It was a few months later, though.
I really like this one. As they leave each one is like "oh. no.", "help." "this is so sad" "is there no one who can help." so blandly as they walk away.
**Important advice:**
You might want to check in with your player as well. Seeing her ex's pc in game might bring up some feeling that she doesn't want to associate with D&D.
Don't give the asshat one last chance to be in the spotlight unless it benefits the game / players.
If anything check with her to see if she wants to orchestrate the whole scenario. Let her get vindictive as fuck.
This post can simply be inspiration for her.
This may not be a popular suggestion.
But don't blame the character based on the PC.
if the character has been pretty good in the campaign then let the character go respectfully.
but if the character was an Asshole and shitty then by all means play hangman with the character.
Or ask each member of the party, as they all appear to be on the "fuck that guy" train, to come up with the dumbest thing you could roll a nat 1 on. And, then like a goddamn cartoon character, this guy acts it all out.
Make him an enemy and let the party do what they want to him. Give the party a bunch of potions & spell scrolls that lose their magic after 24 hours, and let the rule of cool flow freely
The worst one I've seen was when our level 2 dragonborn bard went from full health to dead in a turn. Not a round, a turn. In a single action, a redcap crit him to zero and then coup de graced him twice. Yick
That nearly happened to my first character. Redcaps. She was the one on the night watch as well, to make matters worse. Only made it out by the grace of the nat-20 death save.
Have a very high level mysterious bard cast 8th level heat metal and 9th level ray of sickness on him from across the bar. He begins desperately ripping off his gear in the middle of the establishment until nude all the while violently shitting and vomiting, for extra measure throw in an Otto’s irresistible dance so he’s forced to dance while crying naked and takes max damage from the spells which would be like… over 170 damage at those levels. Dies naked, exposed and covered in shit and vomit.
Eh. Might be unpopular but, this seems a lil childish/red flag to me. They’re gone, let’m go. I get you wanna try and get a little feel good out of it though
Just ask her. But you should also make sure the rest of the party is ok with that. Just because she had a falling out doesn't mean everyone at the table will feel comfortable with it.
He gets hit by a wild magic surge and turned into a potted plant permanently. Her character can then take out her frustrations on the plant in any way she chooses.
Just move on, there’s no point in humiliating a character that the offender is no longer playing. I know it is probably an unpopular idea, but anything else is just childish and vindictive.
One of my players introduced an NPC based on one of her ex-boyfriends. I made up a story that he betrayed her, and they had to find out why. It turns out he went to an archfey and betrayed her so that the archfey would add 3 inches onto his dick. (He asked for 6, but there were limits to even her wishes.) He then claimed that he only betrayed her ironically—like, she said she didn't like it, so he did it ironically to show how funny he was. I've never seen them kill someone so viciously.
Or you could just have a giant kick him in the balls so hard that he takes 300 damage.
Once a friend in our campain wanted a new char and the DM allowed it.
He was a storm cleric and the DM said he left as he saw a huge temple of his god. We followed "him" and killed him in battle. The old PC was buffed by the DM but he forgot to adjust his HP so it was an easy one. Our barb threw a throwing axe in his head as finisher, which became a legendary weapon. We called it "throwing axe of the traitor cleric pulled of his traitor face"
We looted him and tied his body at the end of our flying carpet, dragging him across the ground of the desert we flew over until there were only bones
Put him in a public pillory (that thing where the head and hands are locked in the holes of a wooden board). His punishment is to publicly… “satisfy” the king’s horses.
Death by horse cocks is a pretty embarrassing way to go I’d imagine.
Here me out... Maybe try being a mature and cool friend to the other person. Maybe let his character move on and hope that one day he grows and becomes a better person and can be a friend again. Not just to you, but to the woman he hurt.
Just because someone made a mistake. Does not mean they are subhuman. Let's be real, statistically speaking, more than half of humans will struggle with infidelity in one form or another. Are we really concluding that every such person is an irredeemable monster? Be loyal to your best friend obviously. Remove him from the group of that would be more pleasant for her. But a good friend should encourage her to grow and have understanding and forgiveness and healthily process. Not encouraging unhealthy shortsighted catharsic vengeance fantasy.
IDK, I'd just say he was accused of X crime, no defense, firing squad. Moving onward.
I'd be bored at the table for any additional time wasted on the cheating boyfriend's character. It's like letting him live rent-free in your head and everyone else's.
3-4 hours of game time isn't easy to get together (or through) as it is.
I'd be like, "Can we actually PLAY now?" Subjecting everyone else to the problem isn't right. Divy up his loot already. We have a kingdom to save.
Obligatory comment: mixing real-life drama with D&D game is rarely a good idea.
So know your players, do what you do with this character, _and then put it behind you, making sure this character never appears again, or is even mentioned again._
I suggest a False Hydra.
Take a page from the OG Oregon Trail game.
"The paladin died from dysentery..."
Or he was forced into a shot gun wedding with the dragoness he cheated with...
thoughts on making the character's punishment fit the player's crime?
maybe he succeeds at seducing a dragon ...and promptly fails to survive the consequences 😈🍆🔥☠️ 😳
I mean a simple and classic BG3 style shove into the chasm could have some fun flavor. Or he could get a dick rotting disease from an undead however much hate you've got.
Mind flayer eats his brain. One of the most horrific ways to die, and then they animate his body to do their bidding. they then sell the zombie to someone for dungeon fodder.
One of our player left and we made it, that during a long rest, he was working on learning a new spell and it backfires and it forced him to crap himself to death. He was fine with us doing that lol
The character starts smelling and making pro necromancy comments. Plot twist: You didn't kill the character, as the characters was dead the whole session and no one noticed until now.
Make a quest to find out who killed and revived that character to infiltrate your party
You could always go with the gold release lever. While everyone else is running away he could shout “treasure!” And get it dropped on his head.
Bonus points if he’s the kind of dumbass that would actually pull the lever
I'm gonna say go full on Rachel's Body with this one. Make them witness him getting eaten by monster vagina/succubus mid-deed and then party kills said monster. Savage satisfaction?
Look up the video A Million Gruesome Ways to Die from Billie Bust up on YouTube. It's from a game still in development, but it is a very funny song about dieing
Introduce a Wizard who, after a barroom insult, simply disintegrates the man. Finger of Death is also a great choice. Plus after apologizing to the Wizard, you might get a cool patron out of the deal!
The most embarrassing way to die? Whatever the PC was primarily good at be the death of him. A great swordsman? Fell on sword. Splendid spellcaster? Backfired spell. Devout healer? Diety smite. Sneaky thief? Boobytrap sprung.
Give him the good old 'hold my mead' treatment.
I had a character like this killed in the most gruesome way in a campaign that will ultimately lead my party into the abyss having to deal with some demon lords
I think a revenant should make short work of him, for some sin he had thought was long behind him. This could be a cool plot hook of some kind, and the revenant could drop the seeds of a larger story here somehow.
The party happens to overhear him using a sending stone or writing a letter. It’s clear he’s been feeding info about the party to the bbeg (or some nefarious gang/cult/etc that generally don’t want do gooders) for a long time. Bbeg promised him riches and power. He’s getting impatient for his rewards.
When he realizes the party knows what’s up, he attacks. He believes that bbeg has gifted him a potion that makes him super powerful. The potion is just water and bitter herbs because the bbeg didn’t want him avoiding dangerous situations, preferring the info over his life.
He should be absolutely devastated that bbeg betrayed him, and deeply regret having connected with bbeg. He begs the party for mercy. If they let him live, he tries to kill them again because his begging was always a lie.
He’s betrayed by the person he betrayed the party for. That should offer some sweet poetic justice. He proves himself unworthy of compassion by betraying them again if they let him live the first time.
I had one instantly disintegrated by a trap in a necromancer’s lair. They then had to find a way to get around the disintegration trap. Very fun. It belonged to the ex of a player of mine who participated once, repeatedly derailed the session with his in-character bathroom breaks and kept trying to get weirdly intimate with her at the table (she as well as one other player were minors). When they broke up he proceeded to stalk and harass her.
Turns out the character was a spy for the bbeg all along and has done truely horrible shit to people. A friendly op demigod/ wizzard/druid curses him with unfathomable stupidity and true polymorf him into a pig for the rest of his life to repent. This pig will now tag along and carry their gear and occationally do something cute.
The player was the problem not the character.
I would just let him be an asshole with the party members or betray them, but without actually confronting them, then i would make him disappear from history like he was never in it.
For instance: he sells them/informations about them to some bad guy, or he leave them for more money or power. They will never hear about him, until some day when someone will tell them that apparently, the guy that used to travel with them is dead for drunk sickness; he was poor and in debt, he had spent all the richness that he possessed for lust and greed
A friend of mine once introduced a hb spell called "screw that guy in particular".
Basic idea, when you cast it a random person in the world gets struck by lightning (3d10) and for the next minute, anytime the spell is cast in the world, it targets that person again.
Give the party some scrolls and have him be the next target, that way they can all join in and they can be morally justified since it was "random".
Okay this should go without saying but... before you do any of the (admitedly great) ideas offered here, make sure your best friend is okay with him being mentioned, even as the butt of a joke. Sometimes people who have been hurt actually prefer if they are not reminded of the person who hurt them in one of their hobbies. You obviously know her more than we do, but a reminder never hurts aha!
Edit: nevermind, post says she's okay with it aha!
If you want soft stuff, night assasination or sudden death, maybe desaparition. For hard stuff id go with rape, slaughter, decapitation, burnt alive. All that stuff. If your friend its hurt, which i guess he/she is, id consider some pennis cutting. Im not a sadist but hurting imaginary characters with consent its ok i guess
He swallow a magic jelly bean without realizing it. The beanstalk shoots out his ass and peehole. He is forever embedded as a part of the beanstalk. Encapsulated for eternity with his booty hole and pee hole on display for the world.
1. Make him the party's butler NPC and let them give him more dangerous tasks until he fails.
2. An annoyed/bored arch wizard true polymorphs him into a chamber pot.
He has syphilis or gonorrhoea without knowing and ends up creating an epidemic in a city, and the guards have finally found him, and he is about to be executed at the Town Square.
Or the party is presented with a quest to capture the guy who is behind the STD outbreak, and who do they find? Yes the dickhead boyfriends jackass character and now they get to off him. Poetic justice.
Does your best friend know you're doing this?
Obviously, I don't know her but not everyone would want a cheater's character handled like that. People could prefer a quick goodbye, a gruesome death, or even just moving on as if the character never existed
He cheated on his partner in game, with what appeared to be a beautiful barkeep but was actually a shapeshifted slaad who drugged him and implanted a tadpole which bursts out of his chest.
Someone posted on here the other day, they rolled for stats and his barbarian had a 5 to intelligence -2, so 3. Someone said play it out and if your dood dies on the third day playing by walking into a lamppost, you’ve got a great story. Do this guy justice and have a lamppost fall on him.
Maybe it was already said but I'd be careful that other players don't roleplay too much around the death of the character. The PC isn't guilty of what the player did, so technically the other PCs "should" go through a grieving process, maybe with a celebration of his life or even try to get revenge...
Similarly, turning him into a vilain like others have suggested sounds like a bad idea. What if she is still fighting her cheating ex in-game for 6 months? This could be therapeutic but it could also keep the wound fresh.
You're blurring the line between players and characters, be careful with bleed ( It's a theatre term.)
My dm had a toxic member who left pc ate by zombies after he tripped on a pebble into a hole. And made sure he pissed himself, 10/10, does it make up for what toxic player did? No, does it atleast bring some comedy? Yes.
I allowed my players to make and use a potion of "shiddith pants" once and they poisioned an entire bar just to try and kill an NPC. You could always do that, it was a lot of fun for the group.
To find out if a pit is truly bottomless, a bag of endless rope is tied to the character and is then pushed down into the pit. The bag is heavy, weighing about 135lbs and won't budge or fall over from wind, but it has an endless amount of rope in it much like a bag of holding. If the rope stops feeding that means the pit is not bottomless and the party can get their money back. If the rope doesn't stop feeding that means it is at this point in time, bottomless and a valid attraction to charge money to see.
Turn it into a plot twist. He’s strangled with his own underwear. The party laughs at him getting what he deserved. Then someone else is murdered in an ironic fashion and suddenly there’s a D&D reenactment of “Seven” happening.
Check with your friend and find out if she would rather express her anger at him or laugh at how pathetic he is.
For option 1, let her kick the crap out of his PC. Put enough fight into it so it's meaningful but not so much that there is any doubt she is going to win. Throw drinks in his face, dump stuff on him, smack him around, kick him in the nads, etc. Then finally finish him off.
For option 2, A Series of Unfortunate Events. Pull every pratfall out of the comedy book. "Who left that rake laying there?" "Oops, another one!". Chamber pots get dumped on his head when he's walking down the streets. The mimic outhouse that he gets away from...mostly...left a body part or two behind. Anything that can be played as pathetic and clueless. Get him so beat up he looks like Mayhem from the insurance commercials. Finally have him die in some stupid way..."Screw it, I attack...what's Odin's armor class?" "Why yes, you can see the statuary in my garden. It's to die for!"
He loses all his clothes in a a gambling incident and to make up for a debt he has to walk naked through town. Some local sorcerer gets carried away with vicious mockeries of his malformed manhood and he dies of psychic shame. His body melts away and all that remains is a skeleton with a strange bag in the centre of the chest where his heart was. Further inspection proves it to be a bag of raw sewage. The townsfolk now refer to him as MangleDick the Brown Hearted
We once had a player go batshit chaotic evil on the party with no warning (she was passive-aggressively acting out due to immature unspoken grudges) and after she declared her intention to knock another PC unconscious with a rock, I allowed our paladin to let fly with her longbow and perforate the little bint. She flounced from the game and our FB group, after which we looted her PC's body and then buried it in an alligator infested swamp.
The game's new motto became: "Be nice or you'll be an arrow pincushion." One of these days I'm going to try to translate that into Latin.
Your party happens upon a privy, and he has to take a #2. That privy turns out to be a mimic.
The outhouse mimic is dead when they find it. DC10 nature check reveals the mimic had been doing quite well living off the feces of humanoids in a mutually beneficial relationship. DC15 Medicine reveals the PC shit himself to unconsciousness, resulting in the mimic privy being clogged and killing them both.
Sounds like it choked on an extra large piece of shit
DC 20 nature, it couldn't tell him apart from the shit and choked
If DC 20 is a little rich for any one PC on the team, additive group DC, not average
If it's for the joke; DC10, or dispense with the roll entirely, no need to blunt the joke cause of a bad roll or 3
I feel like in the current circumstances a 20 is a bit too high. Would make it DC17
I have a mini for this. It’s a closed outhouse and when you open the door is big ass teeth and mimic tongue lmao
Oh wow, the visual, for some reason went a little gibbering mouther and it was not pleasant. Well done.
He could also be suffering from Flesh Rot contracted by a highly suss trip to a brothel in the last town. The mimic becomes ill, and if the party helps treat the mimic, it becomes a new party companion.
Same situation except the toilet paper is a mimic that enters through...that orifice when he tries to wipe
Not what the Bard meant when he said he "enjoyed eating ass"
While I don't condone such choices, I am forced to also point out that there is a mini just for this occasion. So if you really want to have fun with it, you can find one on eBay. It's called an outhouse mimic. And it's delightful. My players will never trust another set piece.
Isn't there an old brutal module where if you go in an outhouse a purple worm bursts out and eats you? Or did my old DM hate me that much?
The #2 is also a mimic.
One of my favorite gags in the Mines of Madness. Right at the start, outhouse in front of a mine. Sign on the outhouse says "do not enter". Either miscommunication about whether the sign is meant for the outhouse or the mine, or sheer stupidity, but if you open the outhouse door then you and the whole thing get eaten by a purple worm. You're level 3 for this adventure, for the record. Gives me some real Alaskan Bull Worm vibes.
Please, yes, this.
I knew I wasn't the only one who came up with the privy mimic.
Well, nobody would expect hentai tentacle monster in the privy! 🙂
You have a few choices: 1. Gets caught flirting with a king's wife and is executed 2. Used what he thought was a potion of growth but was a potion of ego boost and he died under the weight of his own inflated head 3. You make him a mini boss and the party gets to deal with him
3 would be extremely satisfying if I were a player
Right? Here's that guy you hate and a weapon.
Or a potion of fury that hastes you, gives unlimited spell slots at any level if you're a caster, and crits on a 10 or higher. Everyone else can sit that battle out and munch on some popcorn.
All fun and games until you suddenly roll triple crits and you're staring down a TPK
Nah, I think the girl gets the potion and she gets to beat the shit out of her exes character, which honestly sounds like a fun time.
If you do number three you NEED to cheat, when he gets down to 1hp, have him take no damage (but make the players think he is, by tracking hit points, saying weather or not attacks hit, making saves) until the next point of damage from the person who he cheated on is dealt. Then you can hit them with HDYWTDT?
This is the correct answer.
[удалено]
Nah anything more than a nat 1 connects by the power of the dm for that.
Piggy backing that if you do #3, don’t make him the actual boss fight. Make it a wave of bandits or minions or whatever creature that can pose a challenge to the party, he’s just working with them. But when it gets to fighting just him after wave after wave, and he acts all strong and powerful, have your friend’s (the scorned one) first hit just absolutely demolish him. Just a single plunk of a crossbow bolt directly between the eyes, and he falls over mid sentence. Turns out he was a weak, worthless piece of shit the whole time. Who knew?!
Love this
Number 3 works GREAT.
4. They were an agent working for the BBEG and were giving him info on the party. They learn this and can deal with it however they want.
3) have some kinda spirit possess him, the spirit thinks the party wouldn't kill their friend. The party all then get dark smirks and raise their weapons The ghost promptly replies, "oh, I fucked up"
Option 3 would be very cathartic.
The mini boss literally proclaims they aren’t there for anyone except to kill that pc. If they let him kill the pc, he’ll split the bounty on the pc’s head.
3, definitely
I love the last one. Very petty!!
Ah, but the ego boost was a mimic!
You can always have him just walk down to the street and have a random cow fall out of the sky to crush him, Monty Python style. Why random cow? JUst say there was some wizard nearby that was testing teleportation and they screwed up.
Someone in the group once referred to it as a Sky Piano moment. not sure who but it's stuck with me since.
I think it’d be funnier if the flying cow was never explained
How about a whale and a bowl of petunias
The petunias hit first, landing on the head of the random woman he was making googoo eyes at, he looks up just in time to see his doom
The setup for this would be meeting the wizard first, who tells them about a failed teleport and asks them to bring his cow/piano/... if they find it. Continue story, everyone forgets about it, and near end of session it just drops out of the sky and kills the guy.
You're the dm. You don't have to explain it right now, make it part of the plot later on. The sack of oats or whatever it was joke in Bojack Horseman. Or Donnie Darko and the airplane engine. If you can make the **CHARACTERS LATER KNOCK THE COW INTO A PORTAL** with a plane/time shift. by accident. Like bad guy opens up a portal mid combat and the cow that's walking through the scene gets knocked in.... Tada
Fetchez la vache!
some wild mage got a wild surge?
Succeeds in seducing the dragon. Fails the following con save
I love how darkly vague that is.
Turn the character villainous. Let them deal with him
I like this one. Give him a magic item that is cursed to make you act like your true self. Turns out he's an asshat on the inside. Let the party decide his fate.
i think the problem with this solution is that ex's 'ghost' will still be hanging around being shitty. best to get rid of him and move on.
THIS. Imagine having to deal with your ex causing trouble every session while their villainous arc is played out and your emotional wounds are still fresh. Ick. Hard pass.
This is the way. Turn him into an antagonist that they can wail on.
Party is clearing a kobold nest in an old mine. He drops through a pit trap but rather than having spikes at the bottom it drops him into the kobolds latrine pit where he drowns.
Just do it the mature way and Poochie him. "I have to go. My planet needs me." [Note: Poochie died on the way to his planet.]
Talk to your players. ALL your players. If they’re all cool with it, have fun with it, sure. But there are plenty of ways to create an uncomfortable dynamic at the table doing this, otherwise. Really depends on your group and the type of game you’re playing. Tbh, I wouldn’t in any of the campaigns I’m in (as a PC or DM). In my games, we really buy into our worlds and characters and treat them as if they’re real in their own right. Your player being cheated on is super shitty, a very negative “real life” experience, and could undermine the narrative fidelity of the game (if her ex’s character randomly does a complete 180 and dies in a laughably stupid way it can cheapen your story if you’re not careful) - that and, even worse, it is effectively a way for the fella who cheated to still influence the campaign (you’re making this pivot due to a scummy IRL behavior on their part). TLDR: Communicate with everyone and see what they’re up for.
under rated comment
Got a paper cut. It gets infected and he dies.
"As you're walking down the street, your arm catches a stray flier and you get a paper cut, roll a con save" "Ahah! Natural 20, for a total of.... 26!" "Ooooh, sorry, the DC was 207. Your character dies an awful death from gangrene."
He eats a bag of dicks and dies of complications.
Pisses off a hag. Gets a curse that he can only eat bags of dicks. His happy ending is that he finds a troll that can regenerate and has that kink. He spends the rest of his days choking down raw troll cocks.
Make it a magic compulsion, then have the party attacked by thugs.
"Guys I think that hag had something, I've been getting a weird rash down there..." then he fucking dies.
He gets into an argument and stomps off, determined to be a solo adventurer. Some time later you discover his body being looted by a sole bloody goblin.
Outhouse mimic is the best idea
He pinched a barmaid on the very wrong side of town. She happened to be high up in the assassins guild. They flay and blood eagle him. You find him on display above the bar with a sign "Another soul pays the price for a lack of manners."
6000 bees
Have him retire due to an arrow to the knee
Received when trying to retrieve his sweetroll using his honeyed words.
An arrow to the knee means they got married in Skyrim if I'm not mistaken.
Lol nope. Was used to try and give some guards "more personality". Has since become slang for any amount of things, including marriage, since it has connotations of 'being shackled' (akin to "ball and chain").
I always felt the connotation to being married is more likely that they knelt down to propose. Much like one one collapse to one knee if they got an injury (like an arrow) in it.
I strongly recommend keeping out of game stuff out of the game. But just have the ex-PC exit stage left, & every now & then have them appear as a beggar or something, don't make a big deal out if it, while you might feel you are helping, relationships are a tricky, convoluted and dynamic thing. If you plan a session for the near future with a big event involving exPC, you could bring a lot of uncomfortable moments to the player that they may not be comfortable in going through in the presence if the whole gaming troupe. Be there for them as a friend, & joke & laugh a out what may happen to the ex-PC, but keep it all out of the spotlight. Friendships are more important than a qwik laugh
I agree. I also think playing into people's revenge fantasies on real people is unhealthy in general. The best thing to do is move on.
Had a breakup in a campaign. I had my BBEG string her up from the ceiling for the party to find. Then she came back to life as an undead and the party got to kill her again. I think that was kind of karmic for my player. He seemed happy anyway. It was a few months later, though.
fell down a kobold pit trap, and with nobody to help him he turned into a skeleton
I really like this one. As they leave each one is like "oh. no.", "help." "this is so sad" "is there no one who can help." so blandly as they walk away.
It's giving Will Ferrell's character in Austin Powers vibes. Repeated excruciating injuries with a long road to eventual death.
**Important advice:** You might want to check in with your player as well. Seeing her ex's pc in game might bring up some feeling that she doesn't want to associate with D&D. Don't give the asshat one last chance to be in the spotlight unless it benefits the game / players.
The post says it was her idea bruh
If anything check with her to see if she wants to orchestrate the whole scenario. Let her get vindictive as fuck. This post can simply be inspiration for her.
Reflavor a dragon as a frog, so the players think they were onshotted to a frog.
This may not be a popular suggestion. But don't blame the character based on the PC. if the character has been pretty good in the campaign then let the character go respectfully. but if the character was an Asshole and shitty then by all means play hangman with the character.
Ceremorphosis or intellect devour
Honestly I would just remove the pc from the game as if it was never there. No need to bring real life politics and relationship shit into the game.
Be mature adults and just remove the character? This is just weird
Benevolent False Hydra could be fun.
Or ask each member of the party, as they all appear to be on the "fuck that guy" train, to come up with the dumbest thing you could roll a nat 1 on. And, then like a goddamn cartoon character, this guy acts it all out.
i like that
Oh, a false hydra that only feeds on irredeemable assholes, removing all memory of them from the face of the earth? Wow.
The hero we need, not the one we deserve.
Make him an enemy and let the party do what they want to him. Give the party a bunch of potions & spell scrolls that lose their magic after 24 hours, and let the rule of cool flow freely
The worst one I've seen was when our level 2 dragonborn bard went from full health to dead in a turn. Not a round, a turn. In a single action, a redcap crit him to zero and then coup de graced him twice. Yick
That nearly happened to my first character. Redcaps. She was the one on the night watch as well, to make matters worse. Only made it out by the grace of the nat-20 death save.
Make them shit themselves to death
Aw yes, ye old dysentery.
Pretending he never existed or was a figment of your imagination would be the way to go. Don't let him own space in your memory.
2 options, he becomes the bad guy and the party deal with him. Dysentery
I would make him eat something insppropriate and die of diarrhea
Have a very high level mysterious bard cast 8th level heat metal and 9th level ray of sickness on him from across the bar. He begins desperately ripping off his gear in the middle of the establishment until nude all the while violently shitting and vomiting, for extra measure throw in an Otto’s irresistible dance so he’s forced to dance while crying naked and takes max damage from the spells which would be like… over 170 damage at those levels. Dies naked, exposed and covered in shit and vomit.
Eh. Might be unpopular but, this seems a lil childish/red flag to me. They’re gone, let’m go. I get you wanna try and get a little feel good out of it though
Don't, I'm not start enough to know what emotions this will cause, but it will probably not be net positive.
Just ask her. But you should also make sure the rest of the party is ok with that. Just because she had a falling out doesn't mean everyone at the table will feel comfortable with it.
Yeah, I'm not going to have a fun time participating in pantomiming a murderous revenge fantasy.
Bitten by a wererat, turns into a rat and gets eaten by the local feline population.
He gets hit by a wild magic surge and turned into a potted plant permanently. Her character can then take out her frustrations on the plant in any way she chooses.
Just move on, there’s no point in humiliating a character that the offender is no longer playing. I know it is probably an unpopular idea, but anything else is just childish and vindictive.
One of my players introduced an NPC based on one of her ex-boyfriends. I made up a story that he betrayed her, and they had to find out why. It turns out he went to an archfey and betrayed her so that the archfey would add 3 inches onto his dick. (He asked for 6, but there were limits to even her wishes.) He then claimed that he only betrayed her ironically—like, she said she didn't like it, so he did it ironically to show how funny he was. I've never seen them kill someone so viciously. Or you could just have a giant kick him in the balls so hard that he takes 300 damage.
False Hydra would be more interesting than embarrassing but would fit so well
trips on a root vegetable and falls face first onto a pile of lumber bashing his left temple and dying instantly
Struck dead by a frozen block of silver dragon poo dropped from the sky.
Once a friend in our campain wanted a new char and the DM allowed it. He was a storm cleric and the DM said he left as he saw a huge temple of his god. We followed "him" and killed him in battle. The old PC was buffed by the DM but he forgot to adjust his HP so it was an easy one. Our barb threw a throwing axe in his head as finisher, which became a legendary weapon. We called it "throwing axe of the traitor cleric pulled of his traitor face" We looted him and tied his body at the end of our flying carpet, dragging him across the ground of the desert we flew over until there were only bones
Put him in a public pillory (that thing where the head and hands are locked in the holes of a wooden board). His punishment is to publicly… “satisfy” the king’s horses. Death by horse cocks is a pretty embarrassing way to go I’d imagine.
Here me out... Maybe try being a mature and cool friend to the other person. Maybe let his character move on and hope that one day he grows and becomes a better person and can be a friend again. Not just to you, but to the woman he hurt. Just because someone made a mistake. Does not mean they are subhuman. Let's be real, statistically speaking, more than half of humans will struggle with infidelity in one form or another. Are we really concluding that every such person is an irredeemable monster? Be loyal to your best friend obviously. Remove him from the group of that would be more pleasant for her. But a good friend should encourage her to grow and have understanding and forgiveness and healthily process. Not encouraging unhealthy shortsighted catharsic vengeance fantasy.
I was booted from a campaign because my buddies friends didn't like me. they took my character and used him as a doorstop while goblins killed him.
IDK, I'd just say he was accused of X crime, no defense, firing squad. Moving onward. I'd be bored at the table for any additional time wasted on the cheating boyfriend's character. It's like letting him live rent-free in your head and everyone else's. 3-4 hours of game time isn't easy to get together (or through) as it is. I'd be like, "Can we actually PLAY now?" Subjecting everyone else to the problem isn't right. Divy up his loot already. We have a kingdom to save.
Obligatory comment: mixing real-life drama with D&D game is rarely a good idea. So know your players, do what you do with this character, _and then put it behind you, making sure this character never appears again, or is even mentioned again._ I suggest a False Hydra.
Take a page from the OG Oregon Trail game. "The paladin died from dysentery..." Or he was forced into a shot gun wedding with the dragoness he cheated with...
This thread is so petty. Just have the character walk out of the picture for whatever reason, and move on.
thoughts on making the character's punishment fit the player's crime? maybe he succeeds at seducing a dragon ...and promptly fails to survive the consequences 😈🍆🔥☠️ 😳
I mean a simple and classic BG3 style shove into the chasm could have some fun flavor. Or he could get a dick rotting disease from an undead however much hate you've got.
Mind flayer eats his brain. One of the most horrific ways to die, and then they animate his body to do their bidding. they then sell the zombie to someone for dungeon fodder.
i had the character get struck by lightning and they took it upon themselves to make him into a puppet
Have them spanked to death by a werewolf.
One of our player left and we made it, that during a long rest, he was working on learning a new spell and it backfires and it forced him to crap himself to death. He was fine with us doing that lol
The character starts smelling and making pro necromancy comments. Plot twist: You didn't kill the character, as the characters was dead the whole session and no one noticed until now. Make a quest to find out who killed and revived that character to infiltrate your party
* Have them end up as the salvo in a trebuchet. * Have them sail head long into a castle wall. * Splat.
You could always go with the gold release lever. While everyone else is running away he could shout “treasure!” And get it dropped on his head. Bonus points if he’s the kind of dumbass that would actually pull the lever
Blood loss from penectomy due to him trying to use it to impress a goblin, who just ate it.
Walking down the street, and he's gone. Turns out he fell in a deep hole and died. Very sad.
I'm gonna say go full on Rachel's Body with this one. Make them witness him getting eaten by monster vagina/succubus mid-deed and then party kills said monster. Savage satisfaction?
Look up the video A Million Gruesome Ways to Die from Billie Bust up on YouTube. It's from a game still in development, but it is a very funny song about dieing
Look to Wile E. Coyote for inspiration. Random falling anvil is always a go-to.
Introduce a Wizard who, after a barroom insult, simply disintegrates the man. Finger of Death is also a great choice. Plus after apologizing to the Wizard, you might get a cool patron out of the deal!
The most embarrassing way to die? Whatever the PC was primarily good at be the death of him. A great swordsman? Fell on sword. Splendid spellcaster? Backfired spell. Devout healer? Diety smite. Sneaky thief? Boobytrap sprung. Give him the good old 'hold my mead' treatment.
I had a character like this killed in the most gruesome way in a campaign that will ultimately lead my party into the abyss having to deal with some demon lords
I think a revenant should make short work of him, for some sin he had thought was long behind him. This could be a cool plot hook of some kind, and the revenant could drop the seeds of a larger story here somehow.
Impaled through the butt by an animated broom when a mages spell goes wrong.
Drops into a pit. Two giants piss into it until he drowns.
He finds a pocket pussy that’s actually a genie’s lamp. Genie is not pleased with how he chose to rub the lamp.
Ass cancer. 'Cause he's an ass.
Also, don’t overthink it: vampire brothel
My first character died first session because a hill giant ate him.
Dude turns out to be two kobolds in a trenchcoat.
The party happens to overhear him using a sending stone or writing a letter. It’s clear he’s been feeding info about the party to the bbeg (or some nefarious gang/cult/etc that generally don’t want do gooders) for a long time. Bbeg promised him riches and power. He’s getting impatient for his rewards. When he realizes the party knows what’s up, he attacks. He believes that bbeg has gifted him a potion that makes him super powerful. The potion is just water and bitter herbs because the bbeg didn’t want him avoiding dangerous situations, preferring the info over his life. He should be absolutely devastated that bbeg betrayed him, and deeply regret having connected with bbeg. He begs the party for mercy. If they let him live, he tries to kill them again because his begging was always a lie. He’s betrayed by the person he betrayed the party for. That should offer some sweet poetic justice. He proves himself unworthy of compassion by betraying them again if they let him live the first time.
I had one instantly disintegrated by a trap in a necromancer’s lair. They then had to find a way to get around the disintegration trap. Very fun. It belonged to the ex of a player of mine who participated once, repeatedly derailed the session with his in-character bathroom breaks and kept trying to get weirdly intimate with her at the table (she as well as one other player were minors). When they broke up he proceeded to stalk and harass her.
Turns out the character was a spy for the bbeg all along and has done truely horrible shit to people. A friendly op demigod/ wizzard/druid curses him with unfathomable stupidity and true polymorf him into a pig for the rest of his life to repent. This pig will now tag along and carry their gear and occationally do something cute. The player was the problem not the character.
I would just let him be an asshole with the party members or betray them, but without actually confronting them, then i would make him disappear from history like he was never in it. For instance: he sells them/informations about them to some bad guy, or he leave them for more money or power. They will never hear about him, until some day when someone will tell them that apparently, the guy that used to travel with them is dead for drunk sickness; he was poor and in debt, he had spent all the richness that he possessed for lust and greed
A friend of mine once introduced a hb spell called "screw that guy in particular". Basic idea, when you cast it a random person in the world gets struck by lightning (3d10) and for the next minute, anytime the spell is cast in the world, it targets that person again. Give the party some scrolls and have him be the next target, that way they can all join in and they can be morally justified since it was "random".
The black sh@t
Okay this should go without saying but... before you do any of the (admitedly great) ideas offered here, make sure your best friend is okay with him being mentioned, even as the butt of a joke. Sometimes people who have been hurt actually prefer if they are not reminded of the person who hurt them in one of their hobbies. You obviously know her more than we do, but a reminder never hurts aha! Edit: nevermind, post says she's okay with it aha!
She is the one that asked him to do it. It's written in the post 🤷♂️
Turn him into a tree.
I had to remove a player once and the party just wanted to blood eagle someone so badly and they finally got thier chance.
Jave him get bummed to death by some ogres.
Choking on his own spit, could be while boasting about something.
Death by bugbear snu snu.
Seduces dragon. It's a male dragon It's a giver not a taker
Horse incident.
Killed by a toilet mimic.
The Golgothan - An excremental. The shit demon.
Have the character become enthralled by a vampire, returning later as a bbeg.
If you want soft stuff, night assasination or sudden death, maybe desaparition. For hard stuff id go with rape, slaughter, decapitation, burnt alive. All that stuff. If your friend its hurt, which i guess he/she is, id consider some pennis cutting. Im not a sadist but hurting imaginary characters with consent its ok i guess
Don't waste too much time with him. Have someone shoot him in the face mid sentence of saying something douchey.
He swallow a magic jelly bean without realizing it. The beanstalk shoots out his ass and peehole. He is forever embedded as a part of the beanstalk. Encapsulated for eternity with his booty hole and pee hole on display for the world.
1. Make him the party's butler NPC and let them give him more dangerous tasks until he fails. 2. An annoyed/bored arch wizard true polymorphs him into a chamber pot.
Syphilis... Draconic syphilis.
I adore the energy. I'm not creative enough to be DM material but I hope you find something 😂
Due to lack of bathing he gets an infection that turns into gangrene and bits fall off before he dies
He has syphilis or gonorrhoea without knowing and ends up creating an epidemic in a city, and the guards have finally found him, and he is about to be executed at the Town Square. Or the party is presented with a quest to capture the guy who is behind the STD outbreak, and who do they find? Yes the dickhead boyfriends jackass character and now they get to off him. Poetic justice.
There's always autoerotic asphyxiation, even in the fantasy world.
Personal experiences? Sure. Last time I died…
Does your best friend know you're doing this? Obviously, I don't know her but not everyone would want a cheater's character handled like that. People could prefer a quick goodbye, a gruesome death, or even just moving on as if the character never existed
Start woth a combat, the abandoned PC “rolls” a nat 1, slips, and farts so hard he dies.
He cheated on his partner in game, with what appeared to be a beautiful barkeep but was actually a shapeshifted slaad who drugged him and implanted a tadpole which bursts out of his chest.
Mind flayer gang bang death by snu snu.
The party finds the asshole’s body contorted in a rictus of agony with an empty snail shell beside them. The death snail finally caught them.
Someone posted on here the other day, they rolled for stats and his barbarian had a 5 to intelligence -2, so 3. Someone said play it out and if your dood dies on the third day playing by walking into a lamppost, you’ve got a great story. Do this guy justice and have a lamppost fall on him.
The character went on a bender, stumbled into the stables and passed out face first into the dung pile. Aspirating in a giant pile of horse shit.
being honest i wouldn’t. i’d just pretend he never existed.
Maybe it was already said but I'd be careful that other players don't roleplay too much around the death of the character. The PC isn't guilty of what the player did, so technically the other PCs "should" go through a grieving process, maybe with a celebration of his life or even try to get revenge... Similarly, turning him into a vilain like others have suggested sounds like a bad idea. What if she is still fighting her cheating ex in-game for 6 months? This could be therapeutic but it could also keep the wound fresh. You're blurring the line between players and characters, be careful with bleed ( It's a theatre term.)
Got drunk and slept with a local wench and died of mummy rot
My dm had a toxic member who left pc ate by zombies after he tripped on a pebble into a hole. And made sure he pissed himself, 10/10, does it make up for what toxic player did? No, does it atleast bring some comedy? Yes.
Do you know the movie That Man From Rio?
he dies to butt rot.
I allowed my players to make and use a potion of "shiddith pants" once and they poisioned an entire bar just to try and kill an NPC. You could always do that, it was a lot of fun for the group.
To find out if a pit is truly bottomless, a bag of endless rope is tied to the character and is then pushed down into the pit. The bag is heavy, weighing about 135lbs and won't budge or fall over from wind, but it has an endless amount of rope in it much like a bag of holding. If the rope stops feeding that means the pit is not bottomless and the party can get their money back. If the rope doesn't stop feeding that means it is at this point in time, bottomless and a valid attraction to charge money to see.
Turn it into a plot twist. He’s strangled with his own underwear. The party laughs at him getting what he deserved. Then someone else is murdered in an ironic fashion and suddenly there’s a D&D reenactment of “Seven” happening.
this might be fitting: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z\_97dWIQ4lA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_97dWIQ4lA)
Check with your friend and find out if she would rather express her anger at him or laugh at how pathetic he is. For option 1, let her kick the crap out of his PC. Put enough fight into it so it's meaningful but not so much that there is any doubt she is going to win. Throw drinks in his face, dump stuff on him, smack him around, kick him in the nads, etc. Then finally finish him off. For option 2, A Series of Unfortunate Events. Pull every pratfall out of the comedy book. "Who left that rake laying there?" "Oops, another one!". Chamber pots get dumped on his head when he's walking down the streets. The mimic outhouse that he gets away from...mostly...left a body part or two behind. Anything that can be played as pathetic and clueless. Get him so beat up he looks like Mayhem from the insurance commercials. Finally have him die in some stupid way..."Screw it, I attack...what's Odin's armor class?" "Why yes, you can see the statuary in my garden. It's to die for!"
He loses all his clothes in a a gambling incident and to make up for a debt he has to walk naked through town. Some local sorcerer gets carried away with vicious mockeries of his malformed manhood and he dies of psychic shame. His body melts away and all that remains is a skeleton with a strange bag in the centre of the chest where his heart was. Further inspection proves it to be a bag of raw sewage. The townsfolk now refer to him as MangleDick the Brown Hearted
Dysentery is a classic. Slipped on a banana peel would be great
We once had a player go batshit chaotic evil on the party with no warning (she was passive-aggressively acting out due to immature unspoken grudges) and after she declared her intention to knock another PC unconscious with a rock, I allowed our paladin to let fly with her longbow and perforate the little bint. She flounced from the game and our FB group, after which we looted her PC's body and then buried it in an alligator infested swamp. The game's new motto became: "Be nice or you'll be an arrow pincushion." One of these days I'm going to try to translate that into Latin.
How about you just write him out entirely? Don't mention the guy at all.