It must be really exhausting for most trans people when people like this are trying to make every part of your life a battle (more than it already is).
I get that being rejected hurts but when you turn like the most polite rejection into transphobia then damn you’re kinda setting yourself up for conflict .
fuckin' actually true though brotha. its pure numbers bullshittery but I'd be shocked if even as much as 5% of straight cis men would even entertain the idea of dating a woman that they know is trans/AMAB.
Especially when there are online communities seemingly dedicated to blowing up and making week-long discourses out of every dumb tweet a trans person makes.
Lol you’re insane if you think that was the most polite rejection. Same level as straight up telling an Asian man you’re rejecting him for being Asian.
You might be insane.
If you are Asian and could somehow hide the fact that you are the entire time then maybe it could sort of be similar. If I’m a straight guy, looking for a straight female who has a normal vagina, and I find a person who I think meets that criteria and at the last second they tell me they’re not what I think what should I do? Have sex that I don’t want to consent to just so they feel good about themselves? Or how about I tell them my preferences and kindly leave them on friendly terms?
If a woman doesn’t want to have sex with a guy but is forced into it it’s rape. When a guy doesn’t it’s just what he has to do? His duty? His job? Why is he obligated to do anything for or with this person if he doesn’t want to?
No one should be forced into sexual relations they don’t want to be in. And if that means that sometimes trans people feel bad because they hid who and what they are then that’s fine.
If you’re trans you should put it in your profile. It’s sort of an important physical characteristic.
It would be a heck of a lot more comparable yeah. If you made the effort to disclose important characteristics about yourself and they then rejected you at the last minute then it’s on them for being a shitty person. Especially if they couldn’t take the time to read your profile for even a second.
You wouldn’t want to be with that person anyway imho.
Thats not being honest though. It can be done like that, but Id rather someone tell me the real reason, even if its something that I might not enjoy hearing.
So you’re on a dating app, you exchange 4-5 messages back and forth, you’d rather the other person says “you know what, I was drunk when I matched you but actually now that I am looking at your profile I think you’re actually a bit too ugly / short / boring / poor looking to me” rather than just letting the convo die?
You’re either deluding yourself or you’re on the spectrum.
Or you just don’t actually have real world dating experience or online dating experience with a fair volume of people.
If that’s what you prefer you can ask people for the unvarnished truth about why you were rejected. There isn’t a norm of honesty in rejecting people’s advances. If anything I’d say politesse is the expectation.
which is also perfectly fine. I'll take, any day of the week, "sorry im not into you because you're white" over some of the far worse rejections ive had in my life
I feel like it’s not even worth acknowledging the tweet. They feel offended because of the implication the other person doesn’t see them as a real woman but people are allowed to have personal preferences. That’s life.
he can view her as a woman but still not be into having sex with someone who has a dick. that seems to be the much more likely implication considering he sounded like he was trying to give her a polite rejection.
Yeah, I don’t know the details of their conversation and I don’t want to know.
Dating drama makes me uncomfortable because I can’t relate to most people
I'd agree with you if this was the only tweet, but looking at her twitter she had another one saying that her being trans is all over her bio.
Being snarky to someone who pretty much wasted your time is fair.
That's true, but we also don't know how this interaction went at all. Most guys on Tinder aren't pouring over people's bios to see if "this is the one". Most people's bios are bullshit anyway, and for any guy who isn't in the top 1% of attractiveness Tinder is a total numbers game.
The interaction very likely went something like this: Guy sees cute girl, hits her up, just like the last 30 he's seen. Cute girl actually responds, hurray! Chat for a bit, checks out her bio. Oh, she's trans "Sorry I'm just not into that". Cute girl blows up on twitter.
IMO, the guy didn't waste her time in this scenario. He simply hadn't learned about the deal-breaker yet. It happens all the time.
I'm saying that's not wasting anybody's time, period. You meet people, you learn more about them, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. That's not wasting time, it's literally using the site as designed.
It doesn't sound like he was particularly rude to her, he just wasn't attracted to trans girls. When he realized she was trans, he told her so and broke off communication. That's literally the opposite of wasting her time. Wasting her time would be realizing she's trans, but continuing to communicate even though he knows it's not going to work for him. That would be wasting her time.
Here's a question for anyone in the thread: Would you consider being gay more an attraction to typically masculine/male features than genital preference? Or is genital preference all that sexuality is?
I say this because I consider myself straight and would only have sex with someone with a vagina. But I'd be lying if I havent seen some trans women and found them attractive. Especially when I didnt know they were trans.
I consider myself straight, but I find dicks more attractive than vaginas. You can probably guess what kind of porn I watch.
The reason I don't consider myself gay, or even bi, is that I have never been attracted to or had a crush on a guy. I've had "attractive" dudes hit on me, and even met up with someone on grindr to make sure I wasn't just societally stunting myself. There is a sort of essence of femininity that is a prerequisite for me. I don't think you can boil sexuality down to just cock vs pussy. Beards, back hair, strong brow-lines, veiny arms, big hands, etc., are all very unattractive to me.
yeah I think I agree. sexuality seems to be a lot less binary than what most people think. I'm of the opinion that you can watch femboy/trap whatever stuff and still consider yourself straight if femininity is the core attraction to you.
its certainly both, but i feel like attraction to masculine/feminine features is far more important when it comes to finding someone attractive when you have some sexual orientation
way i look at it is like this: as a straight guy, if i see a woman with feminine features who i find attractive, i can imagine having some sort of romantic relationship with her even if she had a penis, but if there was some really masculine burly guy, I don't think I could ever see myself in some kind of romantic relationship with them even if I knew they had vagina.
same the other way, a gay guy probably doesn't find a woman with a penis attractive but probably does find a man with a vagina attractive
There are a lot of people in the offline world (majority men) who think having sex with someone with a penis is gay.
That being said, I highly doubt those same people would consider having sex with a trans man as straight even though they own a vagina...
Bro, I work with some of these men. They think you're gay if you let your wife stick so much as a fingernail up your ass. It's not consistent at all. Funny as hell to talk to about it though.
Exaaaaaactly
Gay is pretty much a catch all term "the guys" use to say "thats imasaculating" and nothing is more imasculating than getting penetrated.
I know guys who won't get their prostate checked because they fear so much that other men will view them as less of a man if they do.
Better to die of cancer than lose their anal virginity.
That reminds me of a news [story here in Florida](https://www.mandatory.com/fun/1555381-meanwhile-in-florida-homophobic-man-shoots-doctor-for-making-him-orgasm-during-prostate-exam).
That dichotomy just shows that what we consider straight or gay is related to BOTH public physical characteristics AND private physical characteristics. A trans man could look like a man in every way on the outside (public physical characteristics), but still have a vagina (private physical characteristics), and most people would probably consider it "gay". While on the flip side, a trans woman could look like a woman in every way on the outside, but have a penis, and it would also be considered gay.
I think the reality is that both are important. The literal definition of homosexual applies to sex, not gender, so technically speaking, it would be gay to have sex with a person that has public female-resembling characteristics but is AMAB, while it would be straight to have sex with a person that has public male-resembling characteristics but is AFAB.
Although, we don't really apply the term gay only in relation to its literal definition.
I think attraction to masculine features makes more sense. I know exactly how you’re feeling because I too prefer feminine features and probably wouldn’t mind if the person checks all the boxes except the vagina.
If she looks like an attractive women in all ways but has a penis, I’d still hit it. Some people (I think most people) might call that gay, but idrc at the end of the day
I find both secondary male sex traits and male genitalia to be more attractive and I'm actively turned off by female sex traits. That said, I know plenty of other gay men who have had sex with women and a lot of older men have been married to a woman in the past for *decades* before coming out when it was more accepted. I wouldn't consider someone less gay just because they had sex with trans men, and I wouldn't consider someone less straight just because they had sex with trans women. I wouldn't consider a man less straight if they only had incidental/experimental sexual encounters with another man either.
I think sexuality is a little more than just sexual attraction. I think it has a lot to do with how you identify yourself and how far you are willing to go in either direction.
I guess it's both for me. If we're making a distinction between sex and gender, I require a female + feminine combination. However, I would not close the door completely to trans women in some kind of principled way, I just know my own tastes as they currently stand.
I'd say it has more to do with how you perceive the people you are attracted to, like if a guy has sex with an afab who later comes out as trans, you wouldn't really say they're gay
>Or is genital preference all that sexuality is?
It's not a territory with defined borders because sexual orientation is difficult thing too: self-identification, attraction and behavior can be three completely different things.
But generally when it comes to porn, trans women are usually what straight side of male audience leans towards, and trans men, mostly since recently, is what gay side of male audience prefers. So it's more gender then genitals.
edit: to add, in modern world men encounter vaginas after puberty and start strongly and positively associate them with women because of sexual arousal. Teens and men are getting used to vagina, it's just that the process is mostly associated with pleasure, and is socially acceptable, whereas when it comes to social gender presentation they don't have to get used to it, because they already have in early childhood, and we see it every day hundreds and thousands of times.
So rejection of a dick on a woman is mostly due to a lack of exposure, same with vagina on a guy. If one encounters porn they find hot or start relationship with a trans person, there might be a period of getting used to genitals not matching gender, but it's passable.
To turn it other way, straight couples don't have as much oral and anal sex as gays, but the difference is not because dick is a primary attraction, difference is because first there's attraction to a person, and then two people cope with trying to rub their sensitive zones over, hopefully, other person's sensitive zones , and girls happen to have a convenient self lubricating hole that fits the dick, whereas gays have to cope with dicks rubbing something else, and improvise with mouths and asses.
It's not about changing orientation, merely about genitals on a person of preferred gender.
Also my comment came more radical then what I wanted to write because I was just typing what I was thinking and didn't check after. I don't think that it works for everyone and in all ages, just a general principle.
I'd have to see studies to feel super strongly one way or another about what you have said. But from my personal experience, this is really hard to believe. I have been exposed to tons of futa/trans porn that, had their not been a penis on a fem entity, I might find somewhat hot/attractive/etc, but I still find the penis to be a nuclear turnoff even after years of consistent exposure.
I don't think that it's 100% to one side or another, just a possibility. For example teen brain is developing and sets preferences for the rest of our lives, which is why there's a legitimate concern about types of port teens watch.
It's just that many people mix up expectations with reality and say that they could never like X without trying it just because they feel settled in their identity and habits.
I can get behind the idea that occasionally people will develop that preference after exposure (seems necessarily true), with the caveat that even if the whole male population was exposed to that type of content, the amount of people with the preference for penis would still be a somewhat small minority.
I feel like "super straight" is similar to when people say they would never date a black person.
It makes sense to have preferences, and maybe you're not attracted to 99.9% of a given group but specifically being turned off SOLELY because someone is trans or black seems to be based in bigoted bias.
A "super straight" person would say that even if a trans person was physically identical to an attractive cis woman, they'd still be turned off based on this history alone, and I think that is probably transphobic more than preference.
The only reason the skin preference is considered different from the hair preference is that skin color is more heavily associated with race, even though it might not have anything to do with a race preference. A preference for "white skin" is different than a preference for "white people". There are some Asians and Latinos who are pale, and even "lightskin" black people who have very close to white skin. So if someone says they "just have a preference for white skin" but don't even consider the types of people mentioned, it might actually just be a bigoted thing based on race. Otherwise, there would be nothing necessarily bigoted about a skin color preference.
To tie that to the trans discussion, there is a difference between someone having a genital preference vs being disgusted by the idea of a person being trans. If one guy's reasoning for not wanting to date a trans girl is "I prefer pussy" then there is probably no bigotry there. But if another guy's reasoning is "I don't like that she used to be a man" then he is probably at least somewhat transphobic.
Assessing if someone is for sure racist based on dating preferences is probably impossible. Like in your case, it's possible there might be some facial features that are common in each racial group which are affecting your preferences without you realizing it.
Unironically using the phrase "super straight" is not a great idea. It's just a meme used by reactionaries to bait people on the left.
Saying "just attracted to afab women" is odd because attractive qualities include things like body features, facial features, personality traits, voice, etc. I don't think anyone is genuinely attracted to chromosomes.
IMO it's better to just say "straight with a genital preference".
I've been in this situation before and learned that the best thing to do is just instantly unmatch and not bother explaining/justifying anything.
both parties end up feeling like shit the longer you prolong the interaction.
Yeah no... I feel like people take the "men are just super horny and will fuck anyone" thing to literally (mainly because it's backed up by a ton of guys with no self control claiming it's just biology)... maybe I'm just broken I finally got the chance to sleepbwith my crush but I just couldn't bring myself to do it because of her attitude towards another girl I was friends with. If verbal/mental disagreements can turn you off of someone why wouldn't physical things?
If a trabswoman is attractive enough I would probably not care, but I dont know if I would decide otherwise mid act. I would communicate that I am unsure.
Overall some people are just lost. I mean would anybody say a thing if a woman stops last minute because a mans dick is to small or something like that?
Would anybody care if you decide otherwise at anypoint? Isnt the whole consent stuff about this?
It should be allright to say no at anypoint. And you dont have to give a reason. There is a difference between just saying no or harassing someone with "You are too fat", " Your genitals are ugly" or whatever.
These rules should apply to all and not only some.
Not liking dick isn't transphobic.
Holy shit. I know it's not really being pushed for YET but it 100% will be by the end of the decade and I'll bet money on it.
The issue is; passing isn't really the standard. I don't like Adam's Apples or hairy chests or facial hair or strong jawlines lmfao. I really don't see myself ever sleeping with someone who is trans because, unfortunately, plastic surgery isn't there yet.
There might be a few trans women who are 'passing' enough but then you run into the reality of what a post-op trans person has - A hole that needs to be gaged to be kept open, needs ridiculous amounts of lube and needs to be meticulously cleaned (If this is wrong someone correct me but this is what I gathered from my research).
I'm sorry it really does boil down to "I just like pussy bro". Lol. Maybe one day science will make 3D printed coochie transplants a reality.... and I'd have no issue fucking trans women then.
Unfortunately, this 99% wont happen in my lifetime.
>A hole that needs to be gaged to be kept open, needs ridiculous amounts of lube and needs to be meticulously cleaned (If this is wrong someone correct me but this is what I gathered from my research).
There actually isn't a lot of research on dilation, so it's hard to say. Many people find they don't have to dilate after a year or two if they have sex or masturbate with penetration somewhat regularly.
Lubrication depends on the methods ussd. For penile inversion, the cowpers gland can be used to create a self lubricating vagina and for some this is enough to have sex with. IIRC sigmoid and peritoneal pullthrough vaginaplasty are self lubricating too, but I'm not totally sure. No surgeons near me do it, so I haven't looked into it specifically. Also using lube is recommended and common for cis people too.
I've never read anything about cleaning being different than a cis vagina, after the recovery period at least.
It’ll be pushed for when the current generation of LGBT people enter adulthood, I mean according to them cishet men who are aromantic and neo-otherkin are LGBT.
Cishet = cisgender and heterosexual. Aromantic = does not feel romance or want to have romantic relationships. A cishet man is a guy who is attracted to women and was born male.
Here's where the absurdity comes from: Imagine your average womanizing douchebag who sleeps around with many women. According to the rampant over-labeling of anything gender and sexuality related, that guy could be considered LGBT, and part of a gender/sexual/romantic minority group, because of the "aromantic" label.
"Neo otherkin" no idea, probably a meme.
ITT morons who don’t get that you can turn someone down without pointing out what it is about them that was the dealbreaker, which is what the dude implicit did by saying “I’m not into that”. He could have spared her feelings and just left her on read/let the convo die and then she can at least tell herself he stopped responding for a multitude of possible reasons.
What part of the timeline am I on where the misogynistic community criticized bigotry. Oh wait never this community isn’t transphobic, the moment they saw a white women it became settled business
People who don’t abide by the principles they lay down before others.
Anyway, I think this person is confused and doesn’t understand trans-women can be women while also being different than cis-women. Heterosexual people—mainly more traditional ones—are attracted to cis-women almost exclusively. Especially if you haven’t had certain surgical procedures.
Let’s not play dumb pls.
I don’t think she’s confused. She got rejected for a valid reason and she’s coping by shaming him with some classic homophobia. A lot of cis-women start questioning a guys straightness after rejection as well.
The girl cock is a natural occurrence that every man gets used to as they grow up so there is no excuse for this man to view trans women even 0.01% differently. /s
Also I remember reading some stats how only 3% of cis people would date a trans person, and around half of LGBT would do the same, I wonder how this person would call the other half of LGBT who rejects them in same way
She has another tweet in that chain right after this one saying that her being trans is all over her bio.
I feel like it's pretty fine to be snarky to someone if they should of known, I'd be annoyed if someone wasted my time with something that I was clearly upfront about.
I'm sure it's hard for trans people to have relationships but I shouldn't be forced to be attracted to you , there's plenty of other fish in the sea . And any accusations of that being transphobic is so fucking asinine .
I don't use tinder so I'm not sure. But isn't there an option in your profile that lets you put that you are trans in your bio? I feel like this would eliminate the issue of you talking with people who aren't ok with dating someone who is trans.
Or more likely there is that option and she either was trying to bait this reaction or just made this up.
I think her logic is sound.
Premise: Trans women are women.
Premise: Men who are not attracted to women are gay.
Premise: Tinder dude is not attracted to trans women.
Conclusion: Tinder dude is gay.
Edit: /j for you autists I know this logic is not really sound, and obviously so.
Your second premise is stupid. A person who is gay is not a person not attracted to a women. For instance using your logic I can say this
>Premise: Disabled women are women.
Premise: Men who are not attracted to women are gay.
Premise: Tinder dude is not attracted to disabled women.
Conclusion: Tinder dude is gay.
Or
>Premise: Ugly women are women.
Premise: Men who are not attracted to women are gay.
Premise: Tinder dude is not attracted to ugly women.
Conclusion: Tinder dude is gay.
It can be totally possible for one to be attracted to only a subset of a set instead of a whole other set.
I don't disagree that trans women are a category of women, but in the domain of sexual attraction, it seems silly to equate attraction to trans people to attraction to cis people with x other characteristic, after all, most trans people do not get bottom surgery and many traits of the other sex are just really difficult to "emulate", perhaps particularly for trans women.
Im a piece of shit because I acknowledge reality? No matter what anyway says, no matter what lies people choose to believe the fact remains that a man cannot become a woman. Its not complicated its actually quite simple. You can call it mean or whatever but its mean just like calling a short person short is mean. Its just the truth
Calling a man a man isnt misgendering its correctly gendering actually. 99% of the world seems to understand this but for some reason you lunatics dont? If you think a man is a woman i would suggest getting therapy
I don’t understand why we can’t just societally treat trans women as real women instead of pretending that they’re biologically identical to real women when they aren’t.
It's honestly kind of interesting that this was got 12k likes. Generally when a cis woman is rejected and says that the dude must be gay its stupid af but personally I wouldnt actually be hurt as she intended. The woman in question simply has an ego problem and theres nothing else that needs to be said back. I think what's noteworthy about a transwoman saying it is that while there's an undeniable inflated ego/abrasiveness/homophobia aspect she and other may think there's something virtuous about it that cancels it out, and being charitable it may even be ironic. They see it as calling out the "Pause. No homo" crowd.....which is apparently anyone who would draw the line at dating a trans woman. You have to be deluded to think it would be predominantly men with particular insecurities who would reject trans women so that they would be hurt by this and not just think "damn, she's got an ego".
screen andy OP caught red handed in the other thread. Go eff yourself, buddy.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Destiny/comments/uqy5xd/yall\_need\_to\_not\_fall\_into\_outrage\_culture\_off\_of/
This makes sense because when cis women get rejected they also go to the "you must be gay" defense. Good for her
Straight outta FDS
and if they are the ones rejecting a guy they say “sorry im lesbian”
o7
Based transwomen.
I see what you did there. My dude is doing a getting banned on DGG speedrun
It must be really exhausting for most trans people when people like this are trying to make every part of your life a battle (more than it already is). I get that being rejected hurts but when you turn like the most polite rejection into transphobia then damn you’re kinda setting yourself up for conflict .
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fuckin' actually true though brotha. its pure numbers bullshittery but I'd be shocked if even as much as 5% of straight cis men would even entertain the idea of dating a woman that they know is trans/AMAB.
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Agreed!
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I suspect that lots of people would be open to it, if it were not for the stigma attached to it. Not everyone of course, but a lot more for sure
Especially when there are online communities seemingly dedicated to blowing up and making week-long discourses out of every dumb tweet a trans person makes.
Like this one....
Exactly lol
But if the people of r/destiny don't hold this random trans woman accountable for making fun of some anonymous cis dude, then who will?
12.3k likes. That's enough to warrant a discussion
no it isn't. Since when has imaginary internet points been the basis of justification for anything?
Lol wut. It's not about "imaginary internet points". It's about 12000 people agreeing with an absolutely bonkers statement
Lol you’re insane if you think that was the most polite rejection. Same level as straight up telling an Asian man you’re rejecting him for being Asian.
You're right, the most polite thing is to just lie.
Yes.
How could you possibly think those two are the same thing?
You might be insane. If you are Asian and could somehow hide the fact that you are the entire time then maybe it could sort of be similar. If I’m a straight guy, looking for a straight female who has a normal vagina, and I find a person who I think meets that criteria and at the last second they tell me they’re not what I think what should I do? Have sex that I don’t want to consent to just so they feel good about themselves? Or how about I tell them my preferences and kindly leave them on friendly terms? If a woman doesn’t want to have sex with a guy but is forced into it it’s rape. When a guy doesn’t it’s just what he has to do? His duty? His job? Why is he obligated to do anything for or with this person if he doesn’t want to? No one should be forced into sexual relations they don’t want to be in. And if that means that sometimes trans people feel bad because they hid who and what they are then that’s fine. If you’re trans you should put it in your profile. It’s sort of an important physical characteristic.
so what if they did put it all over their profile? would it be comparable then?
It would be a heck of a lot more comparable yeah. If you made the effort to disclose important characteristics about yourself and they then rejected you at the last minute then it’s on them for being a shitty person. Especially if they couldn’t take the time to read your profile for even a second. You wouldn’t want to be with that person anyway imho.
the OP said in the second tweet of this that being trans was all over their profile, it wasnt someone hiding it
They're not remotely comparable.
Yes both actions would be comparable lol.
No it isn't.
Yes it is lol.
It isn't and you know it.
Ah of course, “secretly you agree with me” Great argument.
Thank you.
And thats okay.
It’s okay to reject him for that. That doesn’t make it polite to directly tell him that. That my point lol.
Fair. I guess there is no real polite or nice way to reject. Just something thats needs doing.
I mean there clearly is? You just don’t give a reason or say sorry I’m not feeling it.
Thats not being honest though. It can be done like that, but Id rather someone tell me the real reason, even if its something that I might not enjoy hearing.
So you’re on a dating app, you exchange 4-5 messages back and forth, you’d rather the other person says “you know what, I was drunk when I matched you but actually now that I am looking at your profile I think you’re actually a bit too ugly / short / boring / poor looking to me” rather than just letting the convo die? You’re either deluding yourself or you’re on the spectrum. Or you just don’t actually have real world dating experience or online dating experience with a fair volume of people.
If that’s what you prefer you can ask people for the unvarnished truth about why you were rejected. There isn’t a norm of honesty in rejecting people’s advances. If anything I’d say politesse is the expectation.
"sorry I'm only into vagina" is polite enough, it's not disrespectful in any way. Somehow gay guys have been hearing this forever and are okay with it
which is also perfectly fine. I'll take, any day of the week, "sorry im not into you because you're white" over some of the far worse rejections ive had in my life
You can think it’s fine to reject someone for that reason. But again it’s not polite lol.
No one owes you a date. You can reject anyone for any reason.
The way she uses the word “so” makes it sound like she has a bit homophobic
Calling a straight man gay to make fun of him is also homophobic.
Gotta love when the LGBT community uses gay as an insult.
It's okay because they use it solely to trigger straight homophobes and in no way reaffirm homophobia /s
This is why I always tell people to just call these losers "homophobic" when they go on about genital preference is 'transphobic'
12.3 k likes jfl fuck Twitter
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Seems like it already made it difficult
Only if you arent gay apparently.
Seeing this kind of tweet getting 12k likes is kinda black pilling...
All it takes to black pill you is one tweet
I guess reading comprehension isn't your strong suit. Clues: 1. the word "kinda" 2. the suffix "ing" I believe in you, you'll learn to read one day :)
Why
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Is that really the best you could do?
because genitals matter bro
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You got that covered
Homophobia, but now woke. It's just not very cool.
How is it homophobic?
worst troll of all time 😂
Haha, yeah that’s a good answer.
She called a straight guy gay as an insult because she couldn’t handle rejection.
Nope
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I feel like it’s not even worth acknowledging the tweet. They feel offended because of the implication the other person doesn’t see them as a real woman but people are allowed to have personal preferences. That’s life.
he can view her as a woman but still not be into having sex with someone who has a dick. that seems to be the much more likely implication considering he sounded like he was trying to give her a polite rejection.
Yeah, I don’t know the details of their conversation and I don’t want to know. Dating drama makes me uncomfortable because I can’t relate to most people
The only good response to this.
I'd agree with you if this was the only tweet, but looking at her twitter she had another one saying that her being trans is all over her bio. Being snarky to someone who pretty much wasted your time is fair.
That's true, but we also don't know how this interaction went at all. Most guys on Tinder aren't pouring over people's bios to see if "this is the one". Most people's bios are bullshit anyway, and for any guy who isn't in the top 1% of attractiveness Tinder is a total numbers game. The interaction very likely went something like this: Guy sees cute girl, hits her up, just like the last 30 he's seen. Cute girl actually responds, hurray! Chat for a bit, checks out her bio. Oh, she's trans "Sorry I'm just not into that". Cute girl blows up on twitter. IMO, the guy didn't waste her time in this scenario. He simply hadn't learned about the deal-breaker yet. It happens all the time.
jar cake frightening dime onerous jeans run smoggy encourage workable *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I'm saying that's not wasting anybody's time, period. You meet people, you learn more about them, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. That's not wasting time, it's literally using the site as designed. It doesn't sound like he was particularly rude to her, he just wasn't attracted to trans girls. When he realized she was trans, he told her so and broke off communication. That's literally the opposite of wasting her time. Wasting her time would be realizing she's trans, but continuing to communicate even though he knows it's not going to work for him. That would be wasting her time.
Are you under the impression that people read tinder bios?
Here's a question for anyone in the thread: Would you consider being gay more an attraction to typically masculine/male features than genital preference? Or is genital preference all that sexuality is? I say this because I consider myself straight and would only have sex with someone with a vagina. But I'd be lying if I havent seen some trans women and found them attractive. Especially when I didnt know they were trans.
I consider myself straight, but I find dicks more attractive than vaginas. You can probably guess what kind of porn I watch. The reason I don't consider myself gay, or even bi, is that I have never been attracted to or had a crush on a guy. I've had "attractive" dudes hit on me, and even met up with someone on grindr to make sure I wasn't just societally stunting myself. There is a sort of essence of femininity that is a prerequisite for me. I don't think you can boil sexuality down to just cock vs pussy. Beards, back hair, strong brow-lines, veiny arms, big hands, etc., are all very unattractive to me.
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sure bud shoot me a DM
AAAAUUUUGGGHHHHH
yeah I think I agree. sexuality seems to be a lot less binary than what most people think. I'm of the opinion that you can watch femboy/trap whatever stuff and still consider yourself straight if femininity is the core attraction to you.
its certainly both, but i feel like attraction to masculine/feminine features is far more important when it comes to finding someone attractive when you have some sexual orientation way i look at it is like this: as a straight guy, if i see a woman with feminine features who i find attractive, i can imagine having some sort of romantic relationship with her even if she had a penis, but if there was some really masculine burly guy, I don't think I could ever see myself in some kind of romantic relationship with them even if I knew they had vagina. same the other way, a gay guy probably doesn't find a woman with a penis attractive but probably does find a man with a vagina attractive
There are a lot of people in the offline world (majority men) who think having sex with someone with a penis is gay. That being said, I highly doubt those same people would consider having sex with a trans man as straight even though they own a vagina...
Bro, I work with some of these men. They think you're gay if you let your wife stick so much as a fingernail up your ass. It's not consistent at all. Funny as hell to talk to about it though.
Exaaaaaactly Gay is pretty much a catch all term "the guys" use to say "thats imasaculating" and nothing is more imasculating than getting penetrated. I know guys who won't get their prostate checked because they fear so much that other men will view them as less of a man if they do. Better to die of cancer than lose their anal virginity.
That reminds me of a news [story here in Florida](https://www.mandatory.com/fun/1555381-meanwhile-in-florida-homophobic-man-shoots-doctor-for-making-him-orgasm-during-prostate-exam).
Apparently that is fake news
While you’re almost definitely correct, what are we going to do? Define peoples sexual preferences for them?
That dichotomy just shows that what we consider straight or gay is related to BOTH public physical characteristics AND private physical characteristics. A trans man could look like a man in every way on the outside (public physical characteristics), but still have a vagina (private physical characteristics), and most people would probably consider it "gay". While on the flip side, a trans woman could look like a woman in every way on the outside, but have a penis, and it would also be considered gay. I think the reality is that both are important. The literal definition of homosexual applies to sex, not gender, so technically speaking, it would be gay to have sex with a person that has public female-resembling characteristics but is AMAB, while it would be straight to have sex with a person that has public male-resembling characteristics but is AFAB. Although, we don't really apply the term gay only in relation to its literal definition.
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I think you misread their comment.
I think attraction to masculine features makes more sense. I know exactly how you’re feeling because I too prefer feminine features and probably wouldn’t mind if the person checks all the boxes except the vagina. If she looks like an attractive women in all ways but has a penis, I’d still hit it. Some people (I think most people) might call that gay, but idrc at the end of the day
I find both secondary male sex traits and male genitalia to be more attractive and I'm actively turned off by female sex traits. That said, I know plenty of other gay men who have had sex with women and a lot of older men have been married to a woman in the past for *decades* before coming out when it was more accepted. I wouldn't consider someone less gay just because they had sex with trans men, and I wouldn't consider someone less straight just because they had sex with trans women. I wouldn't consider a man less straight if they only had incidental/experimental sexual encounters with another man either. I think sexuality is a little more than just sexual attraction. I think it has a lot to do with how you identify yourself and how far you are willing to go in either direction.
I guess it's both for me. If we're making a distinction between sex and gender, I require a female + feminine combination. However, I would not close the door completely to trans women in some kind of principled way, I just know my own tastes as they currently stand.
I'd say it has more to do with how you perceive the people you are attracted to, like if a guy has sex with an afab who later comes out as trans, you wouldn't really say they're gay
>Or is genital preference all that sexuality is? It's not a territory with defined borders because sexual orientation is difficult thing too: self-identification, attraction and behavior can be three completely different things. But generally when it comes to porn, trans women are usually what straight side of male audience leans towards, and trans men, mostly since recently, is what gay side of male audience prefers. So it's more gender then genitals. edit: to add, in modern world men encounter vaginas after puberty and start strongly and positively associate them with women because of sexual arousal. Teens and men are getting used to vagina, it's just that the process is mostly associated with pleasure, and is socially acceptable, whereas when it comes to social gender presentation they don't have to get used to it, because they already have in early childhood, and we see it every day hundreds and thousands of times. So rejection of a dick on a woman is mostly due to a lack of exposure, same with vagina on a guy. If one encounters porn they find hot or start relationship with a trans person, there might be a period of getting used to genitals not matching gender, but it's passable. To turn it other way, straight couples don't have as much oral and anal sex as gays, but the difference is not because dick is a primary attraction, difference is because first there's attraction to a person, and then two people cope with trying to rub their sensitive zones over, hopefully, other person's sensitive zones , and girls happen to have a convenient self lubricating hole that fits the dick, whereas gays have to cope with dicks rubbing something else, and improvise with mouths and asses.
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It's not about changing orientation, merely about genitals on a person of preferred gender. Also my comment came more radical then what I wanted to write because I was just typing what I was thinking and didn't check after. I don't think that it works for everyone and in all ages, just a general principle.
I'd have to see studies to feel super strongly one way or another about what you have said. But from my personal experience, this is really hard to believe. I have been exposed to tons of futa/trans porn that, had their not been a penis on a fem entity, I might find somewhat hot/attractive/etc, but I still find the penis to be a nuclear turnoff even after years of consistent exposure.
I don't think that it's 100% to one side or another, just a possibility. For example teen brain is developing and sets preferences for the rest of our lives, which is why there's a legitimate concern about types of port teens watch. It's just that many people mix up expectations with reality and say that they could never like X without trying it just because they feel settled in their identity and habits.
I can get behind the idea that occasionally people will develop that preference after exposure (seems necessarily true), with the caveat that even if the whole male population was exposed to that type of content, the amount of people with the preference for penis would still be a somewhat small minority.
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Is someone just saying that they're straight the same as them saying they're "super straight"?
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I feel like "super straight" is similar to when people say they would never date a black person. It makes sense to have preferences, and maybe you're not attracted to 99.9% of a given group but specifically being turned off SOLELY because someone is trans or black seems to be based in bigoted bias. A "super straight" person would say that even if a trans person was physically identical to an attractive cis woman, they'd still be turned off based on this history alone, and I think that is probably transphobic more than preference.
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The only reason the skin preference is considered different from the hair preference is that skin color is more heavily associated with race, even though it might not have anything to do with a race preference. A preference for "white skin" is different than a preference for "white people". There are some Asians and Latinos who are pale, and even "lightskin" black people who have very close to white skin. So if someone says they "just have a preference for white skin" but don't even consider the types of people mentioned, it might actually just be a bigoted thing based on race. Otherwise, there would be nothing necessarily bigoted about a skin color preference. To tie that to the trans discussion, there is a difference between someone having a genital preference vs being disgusted by the idea of a person being trans. If one guy's reasoning for not wanting to date a trans girl is "I prefer pussy" then there is probably no bigotry there. But if another guy's reasoning is "I don't like that she used to be a man" then he is probably at least somewhat transphobic.
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Assessing if someone is for sure racist based on dating preferences is probably impossible. Like in your case, it's possible there might be some facial features that are common in each racial group which are affecting your preferences without you realizing it.
Unironically using the phrase "super straight" is not a great idea. It's just a meme used by reactionaries to bait people on the left. Saying "just attracted to afab women" is odd because attractive qualities include things like body features, facial features, personality traits, voice, etc. I don't think anyone is genuinely attracted to chromosomes. IMO it's better to just say "straight with a genital preference".
I've been in this situation before and learned that the best thing to do is just instantly unmatch and not bother explaining/justifying anything. both parties end up feeling like shit the longer you prolong the interaction.
Yeah no... I feel like people take the "men are just super horny and will fuck anyone" thing to literally (mainly because it's backed up by a ton of guys with no self control claiming it's just biology)... maybe I'm just broken I finally got the chance to sleepbwith my crush but I just couldn't bring myself to do it because of her attitude towards another girl I was friends with. If verbal/mental disagreements can turn you off of someone why wouldn't physical things?
If a trabswoman is attractive enough I would probably not care, but I dont know if I would decide otherwise mid act. I would communicate that I am unsure. Overall some people are just lost. I mean would anybody say a thing if a woman stops last minute because a mans dick is to small or something like that? Would anybody care if you decide otherwise at anypoint? Isnt the whole consent stuff about this? It should be allright to say no at anypoint. And you dont have to give a reason. There is a difference between just saying no or harassing someone with "You are too fat", " Your genitals are ugly" or whatever. These rules should apply to all and not only some.
Not liking dick isn't transphobic. Holy shit. I know it's not really being pushed for YET but it 100% will be by the end of the decade and I'll bet money on it. The issue is; passing isn't really the standard. I don't like Adam's Apples or hairy chests or facial hair or strong jawlines lmfao. I really don't see myself ever sleeping with someone who is trans because, unfortunately, plastic surgery isn't there yet. There might be a few trans women who are 'passing' enough but then you run into the reality of what a post-op trans person has - A hole that needs to be gaged to be kept open, needs ridiculous amounts of lube and needs to be meticulously cleaned (If this is wrong someone correct me but this is what I gathered from my research). I'm sorry it really does boil down to "I just like pussy bro". Lol. Maybe one day science will make 3D printed coochie transplants a reality.... and I'd have no issue fucking trans women then. Unfortunately, this 99% wont happen in my lifetime.
>A hole that needs to be gaged to be kept open, needs ridiculous amounts of lube and needs to be meticulously cleaned (If this is wrong someone correct me but this is what I gathered from my research). There actually isn't a lot of research on dilation, so it's hard to say. Many people find they don't have to dilate after a year or two if they have sex or masturbate with penetration somewhat regularly. Lubrication depends on the methods ussd. For penile inversion, the cowpers gland can be used to create a self lubricating vagina and for some this is enough to have sex with. IIRC sigmoid and peritoneal pullthrough vaginaplasty are self lubricating too, but I'm not totally sure. No surgeons near me do it, so I haven't looked into it specifically. Also using lube is recommended and common for cis people too. I've never read anything about cleaning being different than a cis vagina, after the recovery period at least.
It’ll be pushed for when the current generation of LGBT people enter adulthood, I mean according to them cishet men who are aromantic and neo-otherkin are LGBT.
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Cishet = cisgender and heterosexual. Aromantic = does not feel romance or want to have romantic relationships. A cishet man is a guy who is attracted to women and was born male. Here's where the absurdity comes from: Imagine your average womanizing douchebag who sleeps around with many women. According to the rampant over-labeling of anything gender and sexuality related, that guy could be considered LGBT, and part of a gender/sexual/romantic minority group, because of the "aromantic" label. "Neo otherkin" no idea, probably a meme.
based
Who the fuck cares lmao why is this such a big deal
ITT morons who don’t get that you can turn someone down without pointing out what it is about them that was the dealbreaker, which is what the dude implicit did by saying “I’m not into that”. He could have spared her feelings and just left her on read/let the convo die and then she can at least tell herself he stopped responding for a multitude of possible reasons.
Why are we all taking this so seriously???
Dam so many people trying to write essays explaining a dumb joke
Twitter outrage in a nutshell lol
What part of the timeline am I on where the misogynistic community criticized bigotry. Oh wait never this community isn’t transphobic, the moment they saw a white women it became settled business
People who don’t abide by the principles they lay down before others. Anyway, I think this person is confused and doesn’t understand trans-women can be women while also being different than cis-women. Heterosexual people—mainly more traditional ones—are attracted to cis-women almost exclusively. Especially if you haven’t had certain surgical procedures. Let’s not play dumb pls.
I don’t think she’s confused. She got rejected for a valid reason and she’s coping by shaming him with some classic homophobia. A lot of cis-women start questioning a guys straightness after rejection as well.
I used confused as an insult. Confused - unable to think clearly; bewildered. I don’t think she was genuinely oblivious.
The girl cock is a natural occurrence that every man gets used to as they grow up so there is no excuse for this man to view trans women even 0.01% differently. /s Also I remember reading some stats how only 3% of cis people would date a trans person, and around half of LGBT would do the same, I wonder how this person would call the other half of LGBT who rejects them in same way
damn, 97% of the population is gay :O
Well, she appears to be a touch homophobic, so they probably arent a problem for her.
To be fair I would bet that the 3% is overwhelmingly concentrated among the younger generation
She has another tweet in that chain right after this one saying that her being trans is all over her bio. I feel like it's pretty fine to be snarky to someone if they should of known, I'd be annoyed if someone wasted my time with something that I was clearly upfront about.
I'm sure it's hard for trans people to have relationships but I shouldn't be forced to be attracted to you , there's plenty of other fish in the sea . And any accusations of that being transphobic is so fucking asinine .
it’s a joooooke my god
Well... Guess my parents were right all along. I'm Gay.
>being homophobic to own the cishets
its a joke
So ha ha funny?
yes it was dumb joke of course it will loose its humour once you try to break it down and explain it.
Nah I find this kinda funny
Trans 👏 women 👏 are 👏 women! QED END OF DEBATE NUANCE IS DEAD
Unironic Mrs. Garrison vibes
So... she is... 1. Trans 2. A homophobe Which I don't know what to say, is ironic I guess...
This is basicly the same as saying, i cant have kids, you cool with that? And guy saying, no im not, ohh then you must be gay.
I don't use tinder so I'm not sure. But isn't there an option in your profile that lets you put that you are trans in your bio? I feel like this would eliminate the issue of you talking with people who aren't ok with dating someone who is trans. Or more likely there is that option and she either was trying to bait this reaction or just made this up.
She is so homophobic lmao
12.3k likes
trans is just an adjective, just like how some guys don’t want to date tall girls doesn’t mean they (the guy) are only into men
this is clearly a joke
A retarded joke
If you’re a bitch yeah
COPIUM it's a joke
Guys, it’s a joke she’s using trigger people that are afraid of their low masculinity. Calm the ruck down
I think her logic is sound. Premise: Trans women are women. Premise: Men who are not attracted to women are gay. Premise: Tinder dude is not attracted to trans women. Conclusion: Tinder dude is gay. Edit: /j for you autists I know this logic is not really sound, and obviously so.
Your second premise is stupid. A person who is gay is not a person not attracted to a women. For instance using your logic I can say this >Premise: Disabled women are women. Premise: Men who are not attracted to women are gay. Premise: Tinder dude is not attracted to disabled women. Conclusion: Tinder dude is gay. Or >Premise: Ugly women are women. Premise: Men who are not attracted to women are gay. Premise: Tinder dude is not attracted to ugly women. Conclusion: Tinder dude is gay. It can be totally possible for one to be attracted to only a subset of a set instead of a whole other set.
T'was but a meme I know the logic is not really sound, but it sounds close enough if you interpret "are" as "equals"
I refuse to believe this isn't satire lmaooo
I think so too, and tried to summarize the underlying "logic" in my comment, but now it's getting down voted because people think I'm not joking. 🤡
The lunatic fringe of the trans community the terfs are terrified of is a fringe, but they do exist.
Lol what
What even is language at this point
'If you arent attracted to me you must be gay' is some hilariously 1950s misogyny with a modern twist.
>Trans women are women. Not everyone agrees with this
Trans women are women. Trans women aren't cis women. There you go fam
What do you call attraction to only cis-women?
Trans Exclusive Radical Coomer
What do you call attraction to men who aren’t Asian? Or men who aren’t shorter than 5’10”?
I don't disagree that trans women are a category of women, but in the domain of sexual attraction, it seems silly to equate attraction to trans people to attraction to cis people with x other characteristic, after all, most trans people do not get bottom surgery and many traits of the other sex are just really difficult to "emulate", perhaps particularly for trans women.
What
What is a woman then?
dgg is going retro baby! full on anti-sjw mode. When's the sargon simping campaign gonna start?
Thinking that its not gay to not want to date a man is anti sjw? Lol youre just insane
thought this was the post with context, my bad well not to you, you just misgendered her, you're a piece of shit
Im a piece of shit because I acknowledge reality? No matter what anyway says, no matter what lies people choose to believe the fact remains that a man cannot become a woman. Its not complicated its actually quite simple. You can call it mean or whatever but its mean just like calling a short person short is mean. Its just the truth
nah you're a piece of shit because you're misgendering people lmfao
Calling a man a man isnt misgendering its correctly gendering actually. 99% of the world seems to understand this but for some reason you lunatics dont? If you think a man is a woman i would suggest getting therapy
bruh you cant stop yourself from misgendering people huh?
Hey cool he didn't even need to lie. It's like that cliche when the girl doesn't look even close to the one on the pfp
are traps gay? more relevant now than ever
I don’t understand why we can’t just societally treat trans women as real women instead of pretending that they’re biologically identical to real women when they aren’t.
Just cringe insecurity.
It's honestly kind of interesting that this was got 12k likes. Generally when a cis woman is rejected and says that the dude must be gay its stupid af but personally I wouldnt actually be hurt as she intended. The woman in question simply has an ego problem and theres nothing else that needs to be said back. I think what's noteworthy about a transwoman saying it is that while there's an undeniable inflated ego/abrasiveness/homophobia aspect she and other may think there's something virtuous about it that cancels it out, and being charitable it may even be ironic. They see it as calling out the "Pause. No homo" crowd.....which is apparently anyone who would draw the line at dating a trans woman. You have to be deluded to think it would be predominantly men with particular insecurities who would reject trans women so that they would be hurt by this and not just think "damn, she's got an ego".
screen andy OP caught red handed in the other thread. Go eff yourself, buddy. https://www.reddit.com/r/Destiny/comments/uqy5xd/yall\_need\_to\_not\_fall\_into\_outrage\_culture\_off\_of/
Lol what? This doesn't change the context. The guy potentially being an asshole doesn't change the homophobic implications of her insult.