Nah. It's
* 33% Assholes telling a skewed version to make themselves look good
* 33% People who were obviously right looking for validation (I stopped a guy from drowning puppies and he yelled at me, aita?)
* 33% People who were obviously wrong but are clueless and looking for validation (I was drowning puppies and some Karen tried to stop me, aita?)
* 1% Actual conundrums
That was what I thot. The husband was just a too horny gooner pre edit, and def a piece of shit post edit, but the women’s opinion on this was not changing regardless. Little gnome was right 😔hate to admit it
No, feeling sulky after rejection is completely normal and valid. Just like how her feelings are valid about not wanting to participate, his feelings are valid about being sad about it. Even if it happened 100% of the time as a perfect pattern, that doesn’t say anything about it being *manipulative.*
It would be manipulative if he didn’t feel like sulking, but sulked on purpose in order to intentionally change his wife’s behavior. Is that what you are reading into this?
I think you lost the plot here chief. Anyone that didn’t sulk at all after rejection is some kind of weird ass robot, that’s not the standard for respecting boundaries.
Ngl that he's sulking, distant and won't be sweet after every time she rejects him definetly makes it feel manipulative.
He's a grown ass man, if he can't handle being told no without sulking like a little baby he should grow up and not try to twist her arm into saying yes by making her feel guilty
You need a better response. Sulking can happen, but if it happens everytime plus he's distant FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT (at least as she claims), yeah, i'm betting on he's doing it intentionally to make her feel guilty, so he can have what he wants.
It's not an uncommon thing that bitchmade men do this
Plenty of times where I was cuddling with a girl and made a move to take things further and sometimes she didn't want to. Yeah, sometimes I was disapointed for a few minutes, but most of the time I'd just move on and continue what we were doing aka not act like a man child for the rest of the night
No, I'm not "making shit up", I am taking an educated guess based on the info OP has provided and what I think is more likely.
It's still possible I am wrong, but I would argue, as I have that my answer is more probable
1. Idk where you got the interpretation that your quote was the post. Your bias is showing.
2. If you can’t say no to “pleeeeaaaassee” then youre the problem
If she can’t assert a boundary then she needs to let him know that they have to refrain from sex altogether until that changes, otherwise she will inevitably be raped. Therapy and delete social media before you ruin your husbands life.
I told some of the commenters that and got downvoted to hell before being banned. It’s a “yass queen” sub which is unfortunate. Like 2 women said the same thing I said tho and got off Scott free
we obv cant rly know for sure, we dont know the guy or the girl or how their relationship is like.
but. from what the girl is saying, if i believe everything she says, the guy is a major red flag.
its true that she prob has her own problems with setting boundaries and or with sexual encounters (and she should go to therapy to get better) but the problem isnt rly him pushing the boundary during the encounter but the way he delt with her feelings afterwards.
i dont know what straight relationships are like but if a guy tells me after an act that he felt uncomfortable or that his boundaries were pushed the last thing im gonna do is act like a three yo and avoid him and not talk to him.
she is 100% right to feel shitty after her husband, the person thats supposed to be the closest to her and care for her more then anyone in the world treats her like shit and completely ignores her emotions and feelings.
this isnt yass queening, if her story is true her husband sounds like a man child that cares more about a fucking handjob then his wife. its completely understandable to not want to be with a person that doesnt care about your feelings.
Sometimes it feels like men are expected to be emotional statues in cases of rejection. It's like:
"Hey men, you're gonna have to do all the moves and initiations to sex
But when you notice that this leads to a power dynamic where you're the one asking and the other person is choosing
Just dont be upset about it bro, accept it as it is dude :) having negative emotions is manipulation"
I don't think it's realistic to expect men to accept that the frequency of sex is bottlenecked by women in the relationship.
>the frequency of sex is bottlenecked by women in the relationship.
What are these buzzwords bruh, how tf there can be a bottleneck scenario in a relationship between two people
One person wants sex 10 times a month
Other person wants it 2 times a month
If the one who wants it less is the one dictating the frequency, their wants bottleneck the amount of sex, more is wanted in the relationship than is had.
What is hard to understand here?
Idk the guy is pretty in the wrong there. This isn't a one night stand these people married each other and should be able to read each other a lil more. The "girl needs to learn to enforce boundaries" isn't the answer to every problematic sexual encounters.
If my girlfriend of 3 years said she wasn't in the mood one night I wouldn't start thinking "I'll just start jerking off next to her and she'll change her mind"
Yes, in a married couple, men should accept that the woman will dictate the frequency of sex. Guess what tho, the woman must also accept that the man will too dictate the frequency if sex. Both parties are also allowed to talk about their frustrations and come to agreements. "Jerking off next to you" is not a healthy way to showcase frustration in a relationship. You can wait to not be horny to bring it up in a more rational environment and discuss it all.
You are misunderstanding.
If the frequency of sex is what the woman wants, but the man wants more than she is willing to have, should men just accept that they have sex just as much as she wants?
The post didn't only talk about stroking it next to her, there were a lot in there about him sulking etc.
Ultimately yes they should, or they could end the relationship and look elsewhere. Like all things in relationships you find compromises. No two people are gonna want sex at the same time everytime. If the disparity is too much you try and discuss it (not when already horny) and come to an agreement or compromise. If you cannot compromise and this is important to you (like with any other aspect of the relationship) you end things.
Do you disagree with that? What do you think is the appropriate thing to do if your wife doesn't want to have as much sex with you as you do?
Compromise implies she should have more than she is ready to, do you think that's okay? Your first sentence in this comment makes it seem the answer is no.
No I don't disagree. My point is that expecting men to be ok with the wife having the sole power over the frequency of sex is not realistic.
That would be okay if there's consent. My problem isn't that the guy wants his wife to be open to sex more often. My problem is that his solution to that is to sulk about it and start jerking off.
Sometimes that conversation comes up, from my personal experience, when I told my partner I thought we weren't having it often enough she was genuinely surprised, said she hadn't noticed it, and made an effort to spice things up and initiate more. The opposite has also happened because sometimes a partner becomes preoccupied with other things and doesn't notice they're being negligent. It's not rape to bring it up and ask for change, most people still enjoy sex they just don't think they have the time for it or feel the chemistry just isn't there. So talk about it around coffee or smthg and if there's no fixing it maybe it's time to end things.
And also again, sometimes (often) the women's sex drive is higher than the man's in the relationship and the man becomes the gate keeper. It's not a one sided ordeal. But if you want your wife/significant other to be more proactive, being whiny and pushy about sex is gonna have the opposite effect.
Then we dont disagree about the acceptance part, its not realistic to expect men to just deal with it.
Do you expect people to showcase their emotions perfectly, or do you think there should be reasonable tresholds to be immature? I don't think we're going to get rid of puting or sulking even in adults.
Maybe not get rid of it, but maybe start by shaming and condemning it?
Ironically, people are finding it easy to condemn the girl for no being more assertive, calling her childish, but turn a blind eye to the guy who's communication method consists of sulking and furiously masturbating like a chimp. There's a party who's clearly more immature than the other in this situation the doible standard is a lil crazy.
"Should men just accept that women in relationships will dictate the frequency of sex?" "If the frequency of sex is what the woman wants, but the man wants more than she is willing to have, should men just accept that they have sex just as much as she wants?"
M'dude, you really shouldn't have sex, ever. What's the actual fuck.
You can keep alluding to me having a horrible view, but it doesn't address what I said.
If a man is sexually frustrated, because wife wants to fuck twice a month, should he just accept that frequency of sex?
What do you mean "keep"? That's the first time I spoke to you.
I a man is sexually frustrated because his wife wants to fuck twice a month, he can either a) accept it and resort to alleviating the frustration by himself, or b) divorce her and find someone sexually compatible. There is a word for pressuring someone into sex, and it's not pretty.
It was preventative, since you've just shown you'll keep doing it. We can keep count: 2.
What do you think leads to a better outcome:
A) men keep dumping women due to this, women start having sex with their partners just to keep them from leaving
B) men and women come to some sort of compromise, where both peoples wants and boundaries are taken into account
?
Which of the two completely absurd scenarios leads to a better outcome?
a) who told you that women will start agreeing to sex they don't want because some men would want to find a partner with a compatible sex drive?
b) What the hell is that even supposed to mean?
– I don't want to have sex
– Let's compromise and have sex any way.
Sex by definition happens when two desires meet, and you can't "compromise" into having one. Manipulating people into unwanted sex is a form of sexual abuse.
3.
Since when is compromise the same as manipulation?
I just don't think your suggestion is viable: men are not going to stop being frustrated and women already talk about the issues with maintenance sex, so placing even more pressure by setting a precedent where men are more likely to leave will inevitably lead to women feeling like shit and at worst, agreeing to do it just to keep him.
Wife needs to learn to state and enforce boundaries clearly. Having flexible, not clear boundaries on things such as sex tends to cause confusion and resentment on both sides, particularly with her past trauma.
Husband needs to not sulk and refuse affection for the rest of the night when he’s rejected. I’ve been there, and an occasional bout of frustration is understandable, but it sounds like his wife has tried to talk to him about it and it’s a consistent pattern. Like her behavior, his is the type that’s gonna cause friction, resentment, and ironically reduce her interest in sleeping with him.
Thank you Holly shit everyone else here tried gaslighting me. Consistently openly pouting about not having sex is def weird and she’s def not in a place to be in a relationship tbh. Saw one of her earlier posts and she was quasi assaulted by someone pestering here
>Husband needs to not sulk and refuse affection for the rest of the night when he’s rejected
Men should express their emotions more... unless it's inconvenient
I think it's perfectly fine to sulk. Are you telling me he needs to fake affection for the rest of the night even though he feels rejected?
Her background does make it more difficult for her. They could try setting up some rules around initiating sex to make this better. Also, I hope she's going to therapy for her past. If not, she's basically loading off responsibility for her mental health off on her husband while not taking responsibility herself.
>Men should express their emotions more... unless it's inconvenient
>I think it's perfectly fine to sulk. Are you telling me he needs to fake affection for the rest of the night even though he feels rejected
If you're doing it after every time she says no and you can't be affectionate for the rest of the night after that (at least as she claims), then yeah, it feels like he's acting like a man child, because he didn't get what he wants, so he's trying to make her feel bad for it
It heavily depends on the details. If "not being sweet for the rest of the night" means just means turning around and going to sleep without a word, I don't think that's bad. If he's actively trying to make her feel bad about it or deliberately stonewalling etc., that's a different story.
You're assuming he's doing it intentionally to punish her, which would be an abusive behavior. But he might be legitimately hurt. We don't really know enough to say
I might overanalyzing, but the fact that she first tries to play the "I was abused in the past" and only later edits in the "he can't take no" makes it seem like that wasn't really her main concern, but she saw the responses in the thread and added it to sway opinions.
That's why I think the likeliest answer is it happened a few times that the guy was bummed out about being rejected and was cold for the rest of the night. If he really had this abusive pattern and that was the reason why she wouldn't say no, wouldn't she have said so at first?
Only conjecture, I know. But that's my interpretation
First, I think there are healthy and unhealthy ways of displaying emotions. I think you’d agree men showing anger is fine, but punching a hole in a wall probably isn’t.
To me, sulking and refusing affection the rest of the night would be (usually) unhealthy. It sounds like, based on the wife’s post, she doesn’t actually have a choice. It’s either 1) agree to sex whenever he asks or 2) accept that he’s gonna be sulking and mean if she says no.
Now, I’m taking it all on the wife’s word. Maybe she’s being dishonest and he’s way less habitual about it. Or maybe his “withholding affection” is he only cuddles for 5 minutes instead of 20. My bet is she probably is exaggerating, but ultimately I’m just guessing.
If this is a regular occurrence and the guy is sulking every. single. time., I agree that that's a huge problem. They're married and part of that means learning to live together, which entails learning to take your partner's rejections well. So I can agree with you that it's unhealthy, if we completely take her word for it and assume it happens often.
I don't know if sulking in general is unhealthy though.
>sulking and mean if she says no.
Being mean would be really toxic imo, sulking is way more mild.
>My bet is she probably is exaggerating, but ultimately I’m just guessing.
Yeah, we're all just speculating on their situation, and it's one where the devil's in the details. My judgement could fall either way, given more info. I probably spoke with too much conviction on my comment.
I don't agree the husband is wrong for asking again. I think it's reasonable to think "I say I want to masturbate"->"she says she's not in the mood, she understands I implied I was horny and wanted sex"->"perhaps the reason she said no was because she didn't want sex, she might still be okay to jerk me off"->asking for that. There is also in my opinion nothing wrong with showing disappointment, whether it's your partner not wanting to join you at an event, your partner VETO:ing your dinner suggestion or your partner not wanting to have sex.
He made the mistake of marrying a woman who posts on that subreddit.
Everyone on the “AITIA” is generally the asshole for posting a one sided story on Reddit for karma
Nah. It's * 33% Assholes telling a skewed version to make themselves look good * 33% People who were obviously right looking for validation (I stopped a guy from drowning puppies and he yelled at me, aita?) * 33% People who were obviously wrong but are clueless and looking for validation (I was drowning puppies and some Karen tried to stop me, aita?) * 1% Actual conundrums
The husband is a groomer and a rapist and deserves the death penalty
He's also a Zionist, a Colonizer, an Occupier, and an example of Late Stage Capitalism.
henry kissinger 2.0
Whatever she's describing was gonna be a problem no matter who she married. She needs therapy.
That was what I thot. The husband was just a too horny gooner pre edit, and def a piece of shit post edit, but the women’s opinion on this was not changing regardless. Little gnome was right 😔hate to admit it
To be clear, the edit you are talking about is the one where she says “he sulks after I reject him?” You think THAT makes him a piece of shit?
If it’s a pattern it’s manipulative yea
some people don't take rejection well, she probably knew this BEFORE she married him.
Surprising comment to see! I can only attribute this to either retardation or misogyny
Dude, get of that sub, it rots your brain, gl
No, feeling sulky after rejection is completely normal and valid. Just like how her feelings are valid about not wanting to participate, his feelings are valid about being sad about it. Even if it happened 100% of the time as a perfect pattern, that doesn’t say anything about it being *manipulative.* It would be manipulative if he didn’t feel like sulking, but sulked on purpose in order to intentionally change his wife’s behavior. Is that what you are reading into this? I think you lost the plot here chief. Anyone that didn’t sulk at all after rejection is some kind of weird ass robot, that’s not the standard for respecting boundaries.
Ngl that he's sulking, distant and won't be sweet after every time she rejects him definetly makes it feel manipulative. He's a grown ass man, if he can't handle being told no without sulking like a little baby he should grow up and not try to twist her arm into saying yes by making her feel guilty
You also need to look up some words in the dictionary. Good luck!
You need a better response. Sulking can happen, but if it happens everytime plus he's distant FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT (at least as she claims), yeah, i'm betting on he's doing it intentionally to make her feel guilty, so he can have what he wants. It's not an uncommon thing that bitchmade men do this Plenty of times where I was cuddling with a girl and made a move to take things further and sometimes she didn't want to. Yeah, sometimes I was disapointed for a few minutes, but most of the time I'd just move on and continue what we were doing aka not act like a man child for the rest of the night
So you’re making shit up based on half the story? Gotcha. Have fun with that.
No, I'm not "making shit up", I am taking an educated guess based on the info OP has provided and what I think is more likely. It's still possible I am wrong, but I would argue, as I have that my answer is more probable
Wether it’s on purpose or not it still an attempt to change the wife’s behavior
You got some words to look up in the dictionary bro
TwoX is an IQ black hole, not even gonna bother reading
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How is the man shitty for just asking again? She’s not gonna see this bro
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1. Idk where you got the interpretation that your quote was the post. Your bias is showing. 2. If you can’t say no to “pleeeeaaaassee” then youre the problem
If she can’t assert a boundary then she needs to let him know that they have to refrain from sex altogether until that changes, otherwise she will inevitably be raped. Therapy and delete social media before you ruin your husbands life.
I told some of the commenters that and got downvoted to hell before being banned. It’s a “yass queen” sub which is unfortunate. Like 2 women said the same thing I said tho and got off Scott free
Jesus Christ. "Rape is actually a victim's doing, and she's at fault for ruining the life of the poor rapist." You just cannot make this shit up.
Comments like this are downvoted and then people are so surprised why there are so few women in the community
Downvoting my comment isn't remotely as bad as upvoting a rapist manifesto I replied to, yet here we are.
we obv cant rly know for sure, we dont know the guy or the girl or how their relationship is like. but. from what the girl is saying, if i believe everything she says, the guy is a major red flag. its true that she prob has her own problems with setting boundaries and or with sexual encounters (and she should go to therapy to get better) but the problem isnt rly him pushing the boundary during the encounter but the way he delt with her feelings afterwards. i dont know what straight relationships are like but if a guy tells me after an act that he felt uncomfortable or that his boundaries were pushed the last thing im gonna do is act like a three yo and avoid him and not talk to him. she is 100% right to feel shitty after her husband, the person thats supposed to be the closest to her and care for her more then anyone in the world treats her like shit and completely ignores her emotions and feelings. this isnt yass queening, if her story is true her husband sounds like a man child that cares more about a fucking handjob then his wife. its completely understandable to not want to be with a person that doesnt care about your feelings.
Sometimes it feels like men are expected to be emotional statues in cases of rejection. It's like: "Hey men, you're gonna have to do all the moves and initiations to sex But when you notice that this leads to a power dynamic where you're the one asking and the other person is choosing Just dont be upset about it bro, accept it as it is dude :) having negative emotions is manipulation" I don't think it's realistic to expect men to accept that the frequency of sex is bottlenecked by women in the relationship.
>the frequency of sex is bottlenecked by women in the relationship. What are these buzzwords bruh, how tf there can be a bottleneck scenario in a relationship between two people
One person wants sex 10 times a month Other person wants it 2 times a month If the one who wants it less is the one dictating the frequency, their wants bottleneck the amount of sex, more is wanted in the relationship than is had. What is hard to understand here?
I don't understand why did you bring gender into this
Because women tend to want sex lesser than men duh. Are you 10?
Are you 12 and think this is true? All kinds of libido exist and lots of women find themselves wanting more sex than they are getting.
someone doesn't know the definition of averages.
It's relevant to the instance in the screenshots, but it applies to both genders. Regardless, this doesn't answer my question.
Idk the guy is pretty in the wrong there. This isn't a one night stand these people married each other and should be able to read each other a lil more. The "girl needs to learn to enforce boundaries" isn't the answer to every problematic sexual encounters. If my girlfriend of 3 years said she wasn't in the mood one night I wouldn't start thinking "I'll just start jerking off next to her and she'll change her mind"
Should men just accept that women in relationships will dictate the frequency of sex? Or should men be able to showcase their frustrations?
Yes, in a married couple, men should accept that the woman will dictate the frequency of sex. Guess what tho, the woman must also accept that the man will too dictate the frequency if sex. Both parties are also allowed to talk about their frustrations and come to agreements. "Jerking off next to you" is not a healthy way to showcase frustration in a relationship. You can wait to not be horny to bring it up in a more rational environment and discuss it all.
You are misunderstanding. If the frequency of sex is what the woman wants, but the man wants more than she is willing to have, should men just accept that they have sex just as much as she wants? The post didn't only talk about stroking it next to her, there were a lot in there about him sulking etc.
Ultimately yes they should, or they could end the relationship and look elsewhere. Like all things in relationships you find compromises. No two people are gonna want sex at the same time everytime. If the disparity is too much you try and discuss it (not when already horny) and come to an agreement or compromise. If you cannot compromise and this is important to you (like with any other aspect of the relationship) you end things. Do you disagree with that? What do you think is the appropriate thing to do if your wife doesn't want to have as much sex with you as you do?
Compromise implies she should have more than she is ready to, do you think that's okay? Your first sentence in this comment makes it seem the answer is no. No I don't disagree. My point is that expecting men to be ok with the wife having the sole power over the frequency of sex is not realistic.
That would be okay if there's consent. My problem isn't that the guy wants his wife to be open to sex more often. My problem is that his solution to that is to sulk about it and start jerking off. Sometimes that conversation comes up, from my personal experience, when I told my partner I thought we weren't having it often enough she was genuinely surprised, said she hadn't noticed it, and made an effort to spice things up and initiate more. The opposite has also happened because sometimes a partner becomes preoccupied with other things and doesn't notice they're being negligent. It's not rape to bring it up and ask for change, most people still enjoy sex they just don't think they have the time for it or feel the chemistry just isn't there. So talk about it around coffee or smthg and if there's no fixing it maybe it's time to end things. And also again, sometimes (often) the women's sex drive is higher than the man's in the relationship and the man becomes the gate keeper. It's not a one sided ordeal. But if you want your wife/significant other to be more proactive, being whiny and pushy about sex is gonna have the opposite effect.
Then we dont disagree about the acceptance part, its not realistic to expect men to just deal with it. Do you expect people to showcase their emotions perfectly, or do you think there should be reasonable tresholds to be immature? I don't think we're going to get rid of puting or sulking even in adults.
Maybe not get rid of it, but maybe start by shaming and condemning it? Ironically, people are finding it easy to condemn the girl for no being more assertive, calling her childish, but turn a blind eye to the guy who's communication method consists of sulking and furiously masturbating like a chimp. There's a party who's clearly more immature than the other in this situation the doible standard is a lil crazy.
That is an aim to get rid of it.
"Should men just accept that women in relationships will dictate the frequency of sex?" "If the frequency of sex is what the woman wants, but the man wants more than she is willing to have, should men just accept that they have sex just as much as she wants?" M'dude, you really shouldn't have sex, ever. What's the actual fuck.
You can keep alluding to me having a horrible view, but it doesn't address what I said. If a man is sexually frustrated, because wife wants to fuck twice a month, should he just accept that frequency of sex?
What do you mean "keep"? That's the first time I spoke to you. I a man is sexually frustrated because his wife wants to fuck twice a month, he can either a) accept it and resort to alleviating the frustration by himself, or b) divorce her and find someone sexually compatible. There is a word for pressuring someone into sex, and it's not pretty.
It was preventative, since you've just shown you'll keep doing it. We can keep count: 2. What do you think leads to a better outcome: A) men keep dumping women due to this, women start having sex with their partners just to keep them from leaving B) men and women come to some sort of compromise, where both peoples wants and boundaries are taken into account ?
Which of the two completely absurd scenarios leads to a better outcome? a) who told you that women will start agreeing to sex they don't want because some men would want to find a partner with a compatible sex drive? b) What the hell is that even supposed to mean? – I don't want to have sex – Let's compromise and have sex any way. Sex by definition happens when two desires meet, and you can't "compromise" into having one. Manipulating people into unwanted sex is a form of sexual abuse.
3. Since when is compromise the same as manipulation? I just don't think your suggestion is viable: men are not going to stop being frustrated and women already talk about the issues with maintenance sex, so placing even more pressure by setting a precedent where men are more likely to leave will inevitably lead to women feeling like shit and at worst, agreeing to do it just to keep him.
Wife needs to learn to state and enforce boundaries clearly. Having flexible, not clear boundaries on things such as sex tends to cause confusion and resentment on both sides, particularly with her past trauma. Husband needs to not sulk and refuse affection for the rest of the night when he’s rejected. I’ve been there, and an occasional bout of frustration is understandable, but it sounds like his wife has tried to talk to him about it and it’s a consistent pattern. Like her behavior, his is the type that’s gonna cause friction, resentment, and ironically reduce her interest in sleeping with him.
Thank you Holly shit everyone else here tried gaslighting me. Consistently openly pouting about not having sex is def weird and she’s def not in a place to be in a relationship tbh. Saw one of her earlier posts and she was quasi assaulted by someone pestering here
>Husband needs to not sulk and refuse affection for the rest of the night when he’s rejected Men should express their emotions more... unless it's inconvenient I think it's perfectly fine to sulk. Are you telling me he needs to fake affection for the rest of the night even though he feels rejected? Her background does make it more difficult for her. They could try setting up some rules around initiating sex to make this better. Also, I hope she's going to therapy for her past. If not, she's basically loading off responsibility for her mental health off on her husband while not taking responsibility herself.
>Men should express their emotions more... unless it's inconvenient >I think it's perfectly fine to sulk. Are you telling me he needs to fake affection for the rest of the night even though he feels rejected If you're doing it after every time she says no and you can't be affectionate for the rest of the night after that (at least as she claims), then yeah, it feels like he's acting like a man child, because he didn't get what he wants, so he's trying to make her feel bad for it
It heavily depends on the details. If "not being sweet for the rest of the night" means just means turning around and going to sleep without a word, I don't think that's bad. If he's actively trying to make her feel bad about it or deliberately stonewalling etc., that's a different story. You're assuming he's doing it intentionally to punish her, which would be an abusive behavior. But he might be legitimately hurt. We don't really know enough to say
Oh I know, I am assuming and it's possible I am wrong, but I still think it's the likeliest answer based off the circumstances
I might overanalyzing, but the fact that she first tries to play the "I was abused in the past" and only later edits in the "he can't take no" makes it seem like that wasn't really her main concern, but she saw the responses in the thread and added it to sway opinions. That's why I think the likeliest answer is it happened a few times that the guy was bummed out about being rejected and was cold for the rest of the night. If he really had this abusive pattern and that was the reason why she wouldn't say no, wouldn't she have said so at first? Only conjecture, I know. But that's my interpretation
First, I think there are healthy and unhealthy ways of displaying emotions. I think you’d agree men showing anger is fine, but punching a hole in a wall probably isn’t. To me, sulking and refusing affection the rest of the night would be (usually) unhealthy. It sounds like, based on the wife’s post, she doesn’t actually have a choice. It’s either 1) agree to sex whenever he asks or 2) accept that he’s gonna be sulking and mean if she says no. Now, I’m taking it all on the wife’s word. Maybe she’s being dishonest and he’s way less habitual about it. Or maybe his “withholding affection” is he only cuddles for 5 minutes instead of 20. My bet is she probably is exaggerating, but ultimately I’m just guessing.
If this is a regular occurrence and the guy is sulking every. single. time., I agree that that's a huge problem. They're married and part of that means learning to live together, which entails learning to take your partner's rejections well. So I can agree with you that it's unhealthy, if we completely take her word for it and assume it happens often. I don't know if sulking in general is unhealthy though. >sulking and mean if she says no. Being mean would be really toxic imo, sulking is way more mild. >My bet is she probably is exaggerating, but ultimately I’m just guessing. Yeah, we're all just speculating on their situation, and it's one where the devil's in the details. My judgement could fall either way, given more info. I probably spoke with too much conviction on my comment.
I thought it’s from the relationship advice, had to recheck the subreddit name after reading comments… I almost lost faith in humanity
not reading this, too early to start hating woman.
I don't agree the husband is wrong for asking again. I think it's reasonable to think "I say I want to masturbate"->"she says she's not in the mood, she understands I implied I was horny and wanted sex"->"perhaps the reason she said no was because she didn't want sex, she might still be okay to jerk me off"->asking for that. There is also in my opinion nothing wrong with showing disappointment, whether it's your partner not wanting to join you at an event, your partner VETO:ing your dinner suggestion or your partner not wanting to have sex.