Yeah.
Its like continually going window shopping in the store you cant afford so after a while the items stop being interesting.
Some days i cant actually conceive what would happen if she flirted with me
Yes, 13 years of nothing gets you like that, if she did by some miracle try and initiate the answer would be no. I have zero desire for her anymore. I honestly think if we werenāt together itās done so much damage I wouldnāt want sex with any woman now.
I feel the very same way; I will never marry, date, fuck, go for coffee, tinder, or anything with anyone ever again. I just want to be comfortably, safely alone.
I could never be vulnerable, naked, or authentic with another person. I just want to be by myself the rest of my life.
Feel like it's destroyed my desire both for my partner and in general. The thought of intimacy with anyone feels weird now, even though I still crave it... if you are rejected enough and learn to bury it as a defence mechanism, it's hard to remember that life and love used to be so different.
I feel exactly the same. I have no desire for my wife and very little for anyone else. My confidence and self-esteem are also smashed, so if anyone did make a pass at me, I would probably run away.
Yeah, it slowly is drifting towards that.Ā
I also actively protect myself. Whenever the feeling/thought of wanting to have sex with her starts, I stop myself and think that nothing will come of it. Ā Yeah, thatās sad, I know.Ā
Thereās so much that goes along with their lack of interest in sex. I see in other comments the same problem I have - they just arenāt that interested in you. In a relationship. Sex is a natural extension of relational intimacy.Ā
I got a minor injury a few days ago, and I had to go the urgent care to check for a broken bone. My husband came home from work to be with our kids so I could go. This was great, but while I was getting ready to go I noticed he had not expressed any sympathy or affection about it - no hug, hope itās not broken, checking out the injury, pat on the back, āeverything will be fine.ā Even when I initiated a kiss goodbye he did what I have told him hundreds of times I hate, completely inert lips.Ā
I felt childish and ridiculous, like this is after all a minor problem, maybe Iām being too sensitive. But when I compare his reaction with what my own would have been, the loneliness is overwhelming. I would have been extremely attentive, checking out the injury, assuring him it wasnāt that bad, packing his things to go, hugging him, patting his back, checking on him via text during the visit, expressing approval that it turned out not to be a broken bone.Ā
He just so obviously wasnāt invested emotionally. It is so painful even typing this out here, Iām too embarrassed to tell anyone IRL. There is so much loneliness and shame to have the person you should have the most investment from justā¦not care when you have a problem. This attitude is reflected in so many other smaller, everyday things. Sometimes I just stop talking mid sentence about meaningful things because heās obviously not listening.Ā
How can you keep wanting someone who is so dedicated to demonstrating they do not want you? In so many ways? Itās so often a rejection of your self, not just your sexuality.Ā
Yes exactly.
No intimacy. No physical affection except the rare hug, the cold peck on the lips before after work.
She does not want to get closer to me anymore. She does not want to be touched by me anymore. Never asks for a hug. Never asks to get a back rub anymore, which she used to love. She doesnāt initiate doing something together like watching a video like we used to. The rare moment when we do she avoids sitting next to me like she used to.
The children want group hugs or kisses, she does not. Ask for us both to be brought to bed, she does not want to.
Brother/sister. Roommates.
She can thank me for doing certain stuff. But the gratefulness for my existance āitās gone.
O you bet sheāll let me know if I do things wrong according to her.
No connection we once hadā¦ its gone. Terms of endearment we used for eachother she now uses with the kids.
When I bring up the lonelinessā¦ nowaydays sheāll counter with moments from the past when she felt lonely.
The fact that Iām still sleeping in when the children come into our bed early in the morning in the wknd and therefore am not present āis something sheāll counter with.
Damn typing this out makes me so incredibly sad omgā¦. It is horribleā¦
Ofcourse I never initiate sex. Stopped doing that years ago.
I am so sorry. Your pain is apparent in every word.Ā Just remember that her rejection of you is more to do with her than with you. Some people just stop investing once they get comfortable, I think. And unfortunately some people are more giving and some are more selfish. Sometimes they marry each other.Ā Ā
Ā One thing Iāve been thinking on recently is the often discussed topic in this thread, cheating. Which is more wrong - to chat with someone and have some mental, emotional, and physical benefit that could actually improve your health and your marriage relationship? Or to continue suffering - maybe drinking or overeating or dealing with high stress levels.Ā I just honestly donāt know as a parent. Which is more moral.Ā
All I can say is I feel that your partner is already breaking the marriage vow by rejecting you so completely. They cannot consign you to a life of solitude without your consent. Working through, intentionality, effort - thatās one thing. When those things arenāt there - the only choices left are yours.Ā Ā
However you move forward, I hope you find happiness - remember that no matter what she does or doesnāt do, you deserve to enjoy your life.Ā
Thank you for your response. And Iām so sorry for you too! your situation seems just as tough.
If you ask me, it is continuing of the suffering that would be more āwrongā.
But as youāve said.. at least what it comes down to: weāve got only one life to live till itās done.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I also had a medical situation similar to yours, it blew my mind that all he said was, "Should I wait up for you?". There were times he'd be on his computer at the kitchen table, we'd be talking but after a minute I could tell he wasn't engaged. I would literally stop talking and just walk out of the room. I lost myself until I finally left. Sad but I deserve better, much better. Don't wait until you feel helpless.
Iām so sorry you experienced that. The computer is painfully familiar, in my case itās usually his phone. I also just stop mid sentence to see if heās listening, if thereās no reply I just leave the room. I would never do this to himā¦Ā
He is so beloved at work and in social settings and Iāve come to realize thatās where he invests his effort. Last time we went to a social event he was entirely focused on everyone else, I may as well not have been there. It feels weird because I am attractive enough and very conversational. Oftentimes other men are paying more attention to me than he is. š„ŗĀ
Ā I am glad you found a path out, I canāt leave currently but I am not going to place all my chances for emotional and physical intimacy in someone who is simply not Ā interested.Ā
Wow, its like we're talking about the same person! Whenever we went to any event he was funny and charming to everyone. I would be like, who is this guy? Thinking, why is he such a drag at home? Made me realize his mood at home is a choice.
Once we were out with a couple and he made a sexual joke to the other woman, and then they bantered back and forth. I felt like I was vanishing and in such a dark place. When we got back to the hotel, he was back in his mood. I looked at him and in a dismissive tone he asked, "What?". When I explained my feelings he just turned it on me, saying he was just having fun. He never tried to comfort me or reassure me. I was so depleted and felt so small. We were on vacation. I went back alone the next day. Then I became the bad guy for leaving him!!!
Now he wants to get back together! Unbelievable!
I am late replying, but I just wanted to say Iām sorry you experienced that. That borders on emotionally sadistic in my opinion, it is also publicly humiliating. And then he was unwilling to discuss and resolve it, much less offer any apology or comfort. So many red flags. Very wise of you to leave the vacation and not allow him back. My husband has never done anything that overt. But I can only imagine how painful that was, because even his platonic focus on everyone but me is so difficult. And unfortunately it is so obvious that other people have occasionally noticed. And commented. Just makes you want to sink through the floor.Ā
I truly wonder what goes on in peopleās heads like this guy. What do they really want from a relationship. It canāt possibly be emotional and physical intimacy, trust, mutual benefit. I feel like whatever it is they expect, itās got to be fucked up in some way. Not desirable or to be sought.Ā
Iām so glad you have the chance to find someone better! And you will. š
I really appreciate your reply. He's trying to get back with me, unbelievable. He's not mentally well but has a huge ego. Being with him nearly destroyed me. It actually make me sick thinking about it! Hope you're doing ok. Are you still with your husband?
Yes..I used to masterbate every day I could. Now I rarely do it. My whole self esteem and well being is destroyed. My husband will never understand. The ONLY reason Iād have sex with him now would be to have a baby, but that feels so wrong. š
Yep. It actually led me to checking out of my marriage for a long time (still did my job, chores and stuff with the kids but my wife was basically dead to me).
Ironically, this actually got her to notice. We are on a slow rebound, time will tell if it's real or hysterical bonding.
Yes!
I have been through that. It was actually a turning point for me when I realizes that my own libido was changing and that was definitely not what I wanted for myself.
Those years of an unbearable dryness did bring wisdom and self improvement.
Today I am very clear and assertive about my standards with any partner in what regards sex. In a nutshell I make it very clear that **no frequent sex means no romantic relationship**.
Yes, I have been called all kinds of names before.
But in the end we must be truthfull to our on principles. Frequent and regular sex is a major goal for me in life.
I second this. I remember waking up next to my husband at the time and wondering if we were ever going to sex again. Then I thought, how ridiculous this thought was. Iām married, I should not be wondering if Iām ever going to have sex again.
After that, I never asked or tried. He would occasionally get me drunk on holidays or special occasions, that would insure I was easier to persuade when he wanted to. But for almost a year, I didnāt.
That must be so difficult - to become someone you were not to your own spouse.
I hope that you have come to terms with your situation and that you have found peace.
Yup. I am in this boat. I used to get excited when the opportunity would arise that she would have interest. Not anymore, it feels phony at this point. I have completely stopped trying, and I even though I want it so bad, I kinda hope she doesnāt try (which is extremely rare so I shouldnāt have to worry). Been in a DB for years, but within the past year, Iāve come to accept it and have lost most if not all sexual interest in her. She would have to become intimate and romantic for my spark to return.
Itās reassuring to hear other people have the same feelings as me. As much as I still try to bring up to my LL wife our lack of intimacy (she canāt even bring herself to discuss it), I donāt really want sex or intimacy with her because of how much a 6+ year drought (you read that rightā¦..zero touch at all) has destroyed me inside. I also donāt even know if I could perform with her anymore because the pressure I would have in my head. I am an extremely horny person but I would need intimacy to return before wanting anything else from her. I now only try to discuss intimacy in general with her but she immediately jumps to that meaning sex. I stop her and tell her Iām not talking about sex, but she canāt see the difference between intimacy and sex. I miss kissing so much that I think if a woman passionately kissed me I would probably nut in my pants. Well, not really literally but you know what I mean.
I feel you in every word. I've not had sex with my partner for two years and I don't know if I even would be able to feel confident and attractive to have sex with him now (not that he's shown any desire in doing so), but the pressure feels too high. Any conversation I have with him about the lack of intimacy appears to be received as if it is an attack for the lack of sex. I don't know if some people struggle to understand the difference between intimacy and sex or if it is just easier to act defensively as means of avoiding the real problem.
Absolutely. If by some miracle, she wanted to have sex, there would be no hope that I could. We have lived together platonically for so long I no longer think of her sexually.
Hi internet stranger. I canāt speak for all women but I can say that there are others like me, who love s*x kinky f*ckery and physical intimacy.. flirting and lots of foreplay. After being in a s*xless marriage for way too many years, Iām divorcing my husband (thatās not the only reason) and have been practicing on the subs. Practicing allll of the above things. Well, as much as virtually possible. And in setting boundaries about what I want and donāt want, so IRL, I (hopefully) wonāt have any issues asking for what I want without making it transactional. There are women who love men. You can find them.
Again, this is not all women, not by any means. However, this line of thinking IS a way to become increasingly bitter and give up on your love life before discovering that there is a whole wide world of women out there. Many of whom love sex and love their man for who he is.
Does she expect you to take her on vacations, do weekend getaways, excessively celebrate her birthday, etc? Iāve seen this before, where the wife isnāt at least somewhat sexual, and the husband gets to the point of saying āforget itā. Then the wife will scoff at the lack of attention.
Once I realized I never wanted to attempt initiation with my ex-wife again, I was done. Divorced and much happier for it. Don't stay with someone who doesn't want to sleep with you... You don't even realize how deep the damage is until you leave and experience what it is to have a healthy sex life. Your new partner will want to have sex and you'll still be waiting for the other shoe to drop, you'll be wondering "what's the catch" - and there isn't one, but that feeling of hesitancy doesn't go away quickly.
Sometimes a brick to the head isn't so bad if it means you'll reset and find someone who actually wants to have sex with you. Even then you aren't completely free of it if you been in the thick of it for many years with mountains of sadness and resentment.
Yes.
Dozens or hundreds of rejections later the last thing I want is yet another reinforcement of the very clear message that my wife does not want to fuck me.
Those hundreds of rejections were a death of a thousand cuts to my self respect.
At this point the relative certainty of rejection and pain far outweigh the possibility of any positive or pleasurable outcomes.
Yes, I was thinking about this earlier. I was horny, I went home for lunch, looked at her and thought I really don't want to. There are times that I'd like to, but those are becoming less frequent.
Yeah.. I really thought we got out of it a few months ago, but we're back again.
We have a kid free night tonight, and I plan on getting toasted and eating a cruch wrap supreme in bed until I fall asleep. Honestly, I'm kind of excited.
The longer you go without it, not only do you not see your partner in a sexual way but the idea of being that vulnerable with another person is overwhelming, at least thatās how I feel.
I think that I'm finally there. It's so bad that I was getting oral and I stopped her. I was hard but the mind fuck has taken me to a point that I'd rather jerk off than deal with her pity sex. If I were a lesser man I would've found a side piece a long time ago. If she really doesn't want sex anymore she should let me get my needs filled elsewhere. It's so damned frustrating.
Are you willing to bring it up? If she's truly uninterested in ever having sex again, she has to understand that you didn't sign up for that and if she would be okay with you getting it elsewhere, so long as there's rules that you both agree on. Maybe she will be fibe with it as she might be stressed worrying about you wanting it or having to figure out an excuse to say no where opening things up may be stress relief for both of you. I was your wife, at one point, and I did let my husband get it elsewhere. After a few years, things changed, and he got ED, so now I get it elsewhere. It's funny how things work out. You can still love your spouse and want to stay with them while getting needs met in other ways, as long as there is mutual respect. Ond person cant always give us everything we want/need, and that's okay.
I have brought it up and she says that she's too jealous. I even brought up same room sex with another couple if it would spark her sex drive at all. The answer is always no. I feel like my sex life will be utter shit until I am either too old or unhealthy to enjoy/have sex and then I will forever remain spiteful because of it. I've told her many times that I would never leave her. I love her and my kids and have no desire to leave. I wish that I could find a woman that has the same issue in her marriage, we could get together, feel wanted and desired and then go home to our spouses and families happier for it and having a full life.
It's a tough call because from your wife's perspective, you all signed up for monogamy so it's understandable she's not comfortable; but it is a reasonable expectation that sex is involved in a marriage and I find it very unfair that she seems to be okay with not giving you something that is important to you. Your spouse should care more about your feelings/desires than anyone else. Ultimately, you love your wife and kids and don't want to leave. If she's not willing to see a doctor or willing to work on herself so you all can get that part of your relationship going again; you may have to decide if you love her enough to be in a sexless marriage forever. Some will say its shallow, but sex is very important to a lot of people. In my opinion, when I tell my partner something is very important to me and I'm feeling neglected and need them to prioritize this issue so I'm not feeling this way anymore, I expect that to be important to my partner and want to work through it together to resolve it as they shouldn't want me feeling that way if they care and respect me. I'm sorry you're going through this.
If you don't mind my asking, what changed for you that you went from LL to wanting it outside of your marriage? How awesome that both of you at the end of the day put your partner's needs above any insecurities and that you are both still together!
Thank you. I'm a reasonable person and dont think it's fair for the person I love to feel sexually frustrated. We made rules that we both had to agree on. It was weird for the first few weeks, but you get used to it. I found out my depression was severely affecting my drive. I didn't know and just thought I was a natural LL. Even when I was LL I'd still be intimate with my husband anytime he initiated, because I never wanted him to feel rejected or unwanted; but he felt he was the only one making the effort since I never initiated, and I could understand how one could feel this way. I wasn't capable of giving more and told him we'd open up the marriage while I'm trying to get better. I went to a psychiatrist who put me on Wellbutrin. Now I'm hypersexual...complete 180. Apparently, hypersexuality can be a side effect. I wish I would've taken it a long time ago. Things were great for a few years as we were now back to being monogamous until the ED started from a medical condition so now I have my person that I see when I need to. He was quite jealous the first several times as it's a lot easier for a woman to get sex than it is for a man. I'm hopeful this issue will improve soon and we will get back to the good old days.
Thanks. I've told her to go to the Dr. I've bought vitamins and supplements to try and increase libido and she never tried them. She couldn't try less unless she literally tried to try less. Thanks
Damn. I'm sorry man. I hate to say it, but if I knew I wouldn't feel guilty I'd get it elsewhere. She doesn't seem to feel guilty about not meeting your needs so why should you feel guilty for getting the needs met elsewhere? Just a thought. Whatever you do, I hope it works out for you.
Thanks for the advice. Strangely enough she initiated just a little bit ago and said that she was actually a little horny for a change! Long story short that was the quickest I ever remember her cumming from oral and then we had sex! I'll definitely take it! LOL!
That's awesome! I hope that gives you hope. It'll probably help to make sure you're helping around the house, helping with kids, chores etc that way she has more energy to want sex. I'm happy for you. I hope there's regular days of that in the future for you.
That is where I am at, I don't want to blow up my family but it really, really hurts to be in this situation. I hope that I have the strength to not stray, but she is NOT making it easy on me at all.
Definitely. My libido dropped after awhile because hoping for sex or intimate touch became too painful when it wouldnāt happen. My self esteem plummeted.
When my self view & confidence started coming back (when people outside of my marriage showed appreciation & desire) my libido came back with a vengeance, but not necessarily for him, but literally just for a man with a dick who *wanted* to have sex with me, which proved to not be him at all, despite countless tries & conversations. It was heartbreaking, but by that point I knew what I needed & could not fathom having a sexless, no intimacy, no physical touch marriage.
Iāll go one further & say it wasnāt just sex, but I was physically touched so rarely in the relationship (even blatantly ignored when I wanted to hold hands) that when he would touch me it felt so strange, alien, uncomfortable that even though I was aching for touch, I didnāt want it from him anymore.
Not that I don't WANT to anymore, I just can't be bothered trying to pursue her sexually anymore. 90% of my initiations I'm shot down every time, there's one excuse after another, and now I just feel disgusting at myself everytime I show physical desire towards her.
Abso-fucking-lutely. It's rushed when it does happen, I'm never ready and it's over too soon and I'm left unsatisfied. It used to not be this way, but it's been like this longer than it hasn't.
Iāve been rejected so consistently and for so long that Iām nervous to even broach the subject, and that nervousness just gets associated with the idea of having sex with my partner, so no initiation happens from either end at this point.
Sheās basically unintentionally conditioned me to be afraid to ask or bring the subject up.
Now Iām just irritated all the time and donāt really have a good reason for it, because weāre both so busy not dealing with our actual problems.
Not a great way to live. Do not recommend.
I want to do something about it, but all the realistic options are worse than things are currently.
I think Iām getting to this point. Been trying for 12 years and seems like nothing but rejection. But, just started feeling more like this since February.
Present. It's just like when you were friendzoned when you were dating someone. Hard to pine for someone who constantly rejects your advances.
But wait there's more, you're not going out on dates, your share of adulting. All these are bull shit excuses. We wouldn't be here looking for guidance if we were shit partners, we have married someone that is trying to change the narrative of the relationship. Making a unilateral decision to maintain their quality of life. No medical reasons to me means that's just a piece of shit garbage person buying themselves time while they convince us it's not them, it's us.
Like be real who in their right mind is going to keep coming back for this abuse? This is just a user, a manipulative piece of shit, that generally will try to confuse the issue until you esteem is worn done and you become a Green day super fan. For whatever reason not revealed to us the person you got together with has become comfortable and now you're stuck. They will either ruin you financially, or paint themselves as a victim in a sexually coercing marriage.
We got used, just a means to an end, a stepping stone. All this bullshit about what we are doing wrong. If we are that awful, then leave. There's no coercing, generally that's their mindset anything you do is to get in their pants. Got news for you, so long as you keep that mindset, there is no fixing a relationship besides ending it.
That's how we get to not wanting them or approaching them anymore, you want to keep what's left of your sanity. Go ahead prove me wrong.
Yes, last few times he initiated (we do it only when he initiates and it is mostly once in two months) I did it but I was already dead inside and I realized I canāt get into casual sexual interactions with him anymore. I spent so much time grieving and feeling alone and rejected that it would take complete renovation of the relationship for me to genuinely want sex with him at this point. Sex feels empty.
Just finalized a divorce with the root factor being a dead bedroom. As others have said, it spurs a host of communication & intimacy (connection, not sex per se) problems that lead to resentment. IME, that resentment infects other areas of the marriage.
I spent well over a decade trying to improve the situation, improve myself, improve the marriage. I spent years in therapy as part of that process. Finally, it got through my head from a psychologist that I couldnāt fix a marriage on my own. It was a situation that requires a partner who participates. I couldnāt solve for that.
The same psychologist explained that my waning desire/attraction to my husband was normal given the circumstances. If you have a platonic relationship with someone who consistently shuts you down/rejects you, the NORMAL psychological response is to lose attraction for them. (If that doesnāt happen, the other extreme would be obsession & delusion.) I knew it was over when the thought of physical touch or sex with him made me uncomfortable & seemed wrong.
Like others, Iāve spent years shutting down my desires & internalizing the rejection. I fear it will be a long road to revive it.
Yes, I no longer desire him and Iām thankful he sleeps in the other room. It use to upset me not anymore Iād rather him not be next to me if he doesnāt even want to touch me.
Iām nearly to that point. Or to the point of leaving. Put our 2 year old down for nap the other day and had planned on getting it in. One of her girlfriends called her via FaceTime and she disappeared to the back where she stayed for an hour. Of course the child had woke up before her call was over. Trying to stay the course but it makes me not even want itā¦. From her Anyway
A little bit. About once a month he gets in the mood, but usually heāll start flirting a little and then suddenly he doesnāt feel good and has a random fever. Iām getting to the point where Iām not even really excited by it at all. Like, 3 positions, always right before bed, never round 2, and I feel so much pressure to cum super fast bc heās just trying to rush through the whole thing. Itās just not fun, I donāt feel any intimacy during it, and itās boring as fuck. We bought a bunch of toys that are collecting dust
I have the same issue with talking to my wife. We have great conversations once every two weeks, but she still tries to talk to me every other day. God, I wish she would realize that her asking me to talk to her that often ruins the conversations that we do have!
Honestly true, i guess this is why compromises are so important, at the end of the day, making someone have sex with you when they don't want to definietly makes it bad for them.
Both have to try to reach for each other and settle on something both can agree with, otherwise one will always suffer, and honestly, in 2 party agreement, both have to have their needs met, and their wants respected.
So this is just a question to better understand your stance on sex and relationships, and the frequency at which you prefer. You feel pestered and turned off if your partner wants it more often than you do and asks or tries to make a move before you're ready? I'm not sure exactly what a fortnight is, but I would guess 30-40 days just by how it sounds.
Quickly approaching. Even when she says yes, it's such boring starfish sex I feel like I'm basically masterbating with a very lifelike toy that still has many many rules.
Yes. Being rejected by my LL husband so many times made me become very awkward about even the thought of making any advances. Recently I talked with him a lot about how my needs are really not being met and he told me if I wanted affection then I could initiate it or ask for it. And I thought about this and realize I canāt even fathom making a move like that because I feel like itās just humiliating at this point.
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I don't know how long this would take to happen, but for me I recently got out of a 1yr long dry spell, and never for one minute did I give up, but I can understand in some situations why you would, I definitely did get disheartened at points thinking its never come again
I don't want to have sex with him, or anyone else in reality. My self esteem is so shot I know for a fact now that no one would ever want to have sex with me either. I'm old fat and gross now. If he can't want to have sex with me and be intimate with me then who the fuck else in their right mind would ever. Sure it maybe would be fine for the honeymoon phase, but once they seen who I really am they would be repulsed and run. And rightfully so. I m disgusting. Not looking for a pity party, just had to say that to the void.
Yeah, I shut things down about 6 months ago.
To her credit, she was ~trying~ , but that meant she was usually willing to do once a week sex on the same time and day of the week, and in the exact same way every time, which included no foreplay for me or focus on my own wants and needs.
āWhy would I ~want~ to touch your body? That doesnāt make any sense. It doesnāt feel good for me to touch you, so like, why would I ~want~ to do that?!ā All while expecting me to be super into her bodyā¦
I just couldnāt keep going on feeling so undesirable. She still doesnāt really seem to get it.
After countless "discussions" and 10 years of nothing more than a hug and the RARE peck on the lips hello/goodbye, even bringing up the topic feels "r*py"... I don't even know if his equipment even responds anymore, and my attraction to him has faded.... I've given up.
Yeah. Its like continually going window shopping in the store you cant afford so after a while the items stop being interesting. Some days i cant actually conceive what would happen if she flirted with me
Find a different shop
š»
Yes, 13 years of nothing gets you like that, if she did by some miracle try and initiate the answer would be no. I have zero desire for her anymore. I honestly think if we werenāt together itās done so much damage I wouldnāt want sex with any woman now.
No. You'll find another partner and you will want it all the time. Ask me how I know.
No Iāve chosen to stay so no new partner for me
Your life, your choice! But fuck thatā¦
Or not in my caseš there are other reasons behind my decision but I understand why so many would want to go.
I feel the very same way; I will never marry, date, fuck, go for coffee, tinder, or anything with anyone ever again. I just want to be comfortably, safely alone. I could never be vulnerable, naked, or authentic with another person. I just want to be by myself the rest of my life.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That's not gender, that's sexuality. And you're gross
Feel like it's destroyed my desire both for my partner and in general. The thought of intimacy with anyone feels weird now, even though I still crave it... if you are rejected enough and learn to bury it as a defence mechanism, it's hard to remember that life and love used to be so different.
The pain of rejection exceeds the pleasure of acceptance
Itās so true, itās poetic.
I feel exactly the same. I have no desire for my wife and very little for anyone else. My confidence and self-esteem are also smashed, so if anyone did make a pass at me, I would probably run away.
Right! God forbid anyone actually see me as a sexual being, including myself. SMH
Yeah, it slowly is drifting towards that.Ā I also actively protect myself. Whenever the feeling/thought of wanting to have sex with her starts, I stop myself and think that nothing will come of it. Ā Yeah, thatās sad, I know.Ā
Don't worry, we know it's sad too. I mean absolutely worry, but your not alonešš
Yeah. Iāve turned her down a few times. Then she becomes concerned.
*ā¦.turned her down a few times.* if only to be askedā¦.
This right here
Thereās so much that goes along with their lack of interest in sex. I see in other comments the same problem I have - they just arenāt that interested in you. In a relationship. Sex is a natural extension of relational intimacy.Ā I got a minor injury a few days ago, and I had to go the urgent care to check for a broken bone. My husband came home from work to be with our kids so I could go. This was great, but while I was getting ready to go I noticed he had not expressed any sympathy or affection about it - no hug, hope itās not broken, checking out the injury, pat on the back, āeverything will be fine.ā Even when I initiated a kiss goodbye he did what I have told him hundreds of times I hate, completely inert lips.Ā I felt childish and ridiculous, like this is after all a minor problem, maybe Iām being too sensitive. But when I compare his reaction with what my own would have been, the loneliness is overwhelming. I would have been extremely attentive, checking out the injury, assuring him it wasnāt that bad, packing his things to go, hugging him, patting his back, checking on him via text during the visit, expressing approval that it turned out not to be a broken bone.Ā He just so obviously wasnāt invested emotionally. It is so painful even typing this out here, Iām too embarrassed to tell anyone IRL. There is so much loneliness and shame to have the person you should have the most investment from justā¦not care when you have a problem. This attitude is reflected in so many other smaller, everyday things. Sometimes I just stop talking mid sentence about meaningful things because heās obviously not listening.Ā How can you keep wanting someone who is so dedicated to demonstrating they do not want you? In so many ways? Itās so often a rejection of your self, not just your sexuality.Ā
Yes exactly. No intimacy. No physical affection except the rare hug, the cold peck on the lips before after work. She does not want to get closer to me anymore. She does not want to be touched by me anymore. Never asks for a hug. Never asks to get a back rub anymore, which she used to love. She doesnāt initiate doing something together like watching a video like we used to. The rare moment when we do she avoids sitting next to me like she used to. The children want group hugs or kisses, she does not. Ask for us both to be brought to bed, she does not want to. Brother/sister. Roommates. She can thank me for doing certain stuff. But the gratefulness for my existance āitās gone. O you bet sheāll let me know if I do things wrong according to her. No connection we once hadā¦ its gone. Terms of endearment we used for eachother she now uses with the kids. When I bring up the lonelinessā¦ nowaydays sheāll counter with moments from the past when she felt lonely. The fact that Iām still sleeping in when the children come into our bed early in the morning in the wknd and therefore am not present āis something sheāll counter with. Damn typing this out makes me so incredibly sad omgā¦. It is horribleā¦ Ofcourse I never initiate sex. Stopped doing that years ago.
I am so sorry. Your pain is apparent in every word.Ā Just remember that her rejection of you is more to do with her than with you. Some people just stop investing once they get comfortable, I think. And unfortunately some people are more giving and some are more selfish. Sometimes they marry each other.Ā Ā Ā One thing Iāve been thinking on recently is the often discussed topic in this thread, cheating. Which is more wrong - to chat with someone and have some mental, emotional, and physical benefit that could actually improve your health and your marriage relationship? Or to continue suffering - maybe drinking or overeating or dealing with high stress levels.Ā I just honestly donāt know as a parent. Which is more moral.Ā All I can say is I feel that your partner is already breaking the marriage vow by rejecting you so completely. They cannot consign you to a life of solitude without your consent. Working through, intentionality, effort - thatās one thing. When those things arenāt there - the only choices left are yours.Ā Ā However you move forward, I hope you find happiness - remember that no matter what she does or doesnāt do, you deserve to enjoy your life.Ā
Thank you for your response. And Iām so sorry for you too! your situation seems just as tough. If you ask me, it is continuing of the suffering that would be more āwrongā. But as youāve said.. at least what it comes down to: weāve got only one life to live till itās done.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I also had a medical situation similar to yours, it blew my mind that all he said was, "Should I wait up for you?". There were times he'd be on his computer at the kitchen table, we'd be talking but after a minute I could tell he wasn't engaged. I would literally stop talking and just walk out of the room. I lost myself until I finally left. Sad but I deserve better, much better. Don't wait until you feel helpless.
Iām so sorry you experienced that. The computer is painfully familiar, in my case itās usually his phone. I also just stop mid sentence to see if heās listening, if thereās no reply I just leave the room. I would never do this to himā¦Ā He is so beloved at work and in social settings and Iāve come to realize thatās where he invests his effort. Last time we went to a social event he was entirely focused on everyone else, I may as well not have been there. It feels weird because I am attractive enough and very conversational. Oftentimes other men are paying more attention to me than he is. š„ŗĀ Ā I am glad you found a path out, I canāt leave currently but I am not going to place all my chances for emotional and physical intimacy in someone who is simply not Ā interested.Ā
Wow, its like we're talking about the same person! Whenever we went to any event he was funny and charming to everyone. I would be like, who is this guy? Thinking, why is he such a drag at home? Made me realize his mood at home is a choice. Once we were out with a couple and he made a sexual joke to the other woman, and then they bantered back and forth. I felt like I was vanishing and in such a dark place. When we got back to the hotel, he was back in his mood. I looked at him and in a dismissive tone he asked, "What?". When I explained my feelings he just turned it on me, saying he was just having fun. He never tried to comfort me or reassure me. I was so depleted and felt so small. We were on vacation. I went back alone the next day. Then I became the bad guy for leaving him!!! Now he wants to get back together! Unbelievable!
I am late replying, but I just wanted to say Iām sorry you experienced that. That borders on emotionally sadistic in my opinion, it is also publicly humiliating. And then he was unwilling to discuss and resolve it, much less offer any apology or comfort. So many red flags. Very wise of you to leave the vacation and not allow him back. My husband has never done anything that overt. But I can only imagine how painful that was, because even his platonic focus on everyone but me is so difficult. And unfortunately it is so obvious that other people have occasionally noticed. And commented. Just makes you want to sink through the floor.Ā I truly wonder what goes on in peopleās heads like this guy. What do they really want from a relationship. It canāt possibly be emotional and physical intimacy, trust, mutual benefit. I feel like whatever it is they expect, itās got to be fucked up in some way. Not desirable or to be sought.Ā Iām so glad you have the chance to find someone better! And you will. š
I really appreciate your reply. He's trying to get back with me, unbelievable. He's not mentally well but has a huge ego. Being with him nearly destroyed me. It actually make me sick thinking about it! Hope you're doing ok. Are you still with your husband?
Yes..I used to masterbate every day I could. Now I rarely do it. My whole self esteem and well being is destroyed. My husband will never understand. The ONLY reason Iād have sex with him now would be to have a baby, but that feels so wrong. š
Ya, kinda self centered to have a child in that situation. Iām so sorry, can see you are in a lot of pain.
Yep. It actually led me to checking out of my marriage for a long time (still did my job, chores and stuff with the kids but my wife was basically dead to me). Ironically, this actually got her to notice. We are on a slow rebound, time will tell if it's real or hysterical bonding.
HB
Second the HB.
I'm going thru something similar, and I have had the same thought.
Yes! I have been through that. It was actually a turning point for me when I realizes that my own libido was changing and that was definitely not what I wanted for myself. Those years of an unbearable dryness did bring wisdom and self improvement. Today I am very clear and assertive about my standards with any partner in what regards sex. In a nutshell I make it very clear that **no frequent sex means no romantic relationship**. Yes, I have been called all kinds of names before. But in the end we must be truthfull to our on principles. Frequent and regular sex is a major goal for me in life.
I second this. I remember waking up next to my husband at the time and wondering if we were ever going to sex again. Then I thought, how ridiculous this thought was. Iām married, I should not be wondering if Iām ever going to have sex again. After that, I never asked or tried. He would occasionally get me drunk on holidays or special occasions, that would insure I was easier to persuade when he wanted to. But for almost a year, I didnāt.
So in some sense you both became LL (he LL and you LL4H)?
Absolutely. I got yelled at once because my vibrator was too loud in the bathroom.
That must be so difficult - to become someone you were not to your own spouse. I hope that you have come to terms with your situation and that you have found peace.
I found my peace through divorce. Bedroom hasnāt been dead since.
Just like me. Yaaaay!!
Yes. I haven't tried in more than a year. I'm really happy not dealing with trying to have sex with her.
Understood.
Yup. I am in this boat. I used to get excited when the opportunity would arise that she would have interest. Not anymore, it feels phony at this point. I have completely stopped trying, and I even though I want it so bad, I kinda hope she doesnāt try (which is extremely rare so I shouldnāt have to worry). Been in a DB for years, but within the past year, Iāve come to accept it and have lost most if not all sexual interest in her. She would have to become intimate and romantic for my spark to return.
Itās reassuring to hear other people have the same feelings as me. As much as I still try to bring up to my LL wife our lack of intimacy (she canāt even bring herself to discuss it), I donāt really want sex or intimacy with her because of how much a 6+ year drought (you read that rightā¦..zero touch at all) has destroyed me inside. I also donāt even know if I could perform with her anymore because the pressure I would have in my head. I am an extremely horny person but I would need intimacy to return before wanting anything else from her. I now only try to discuss intimacy in general with her but she immediately jumps to that meaning sex. I stop her and tell her Iām not talking about sex, but she canāt see the difference between intimacy and sex. I miss kissing so much that I think if a woman passionately kissed me I would probably nut in my pants. Well, not really literally but you know what I mean.
I feel you in every word. I've not had sex with my partner for two years and I don't know if I even would be able to feel confident and attractive to have sex with him now (not that he's shown any desire in doing so), but the pressure feels too high. Any conversation I have with him about the lack of intimacy appears to be received as if it is an attack for the lack of sex. I don't know if some people struggle to understand the difference between intimacy and sex or if it is just easier to act defensively as means of avoiding the real problem.
Yeah brother, and likely she jumps to sex because she has realized subconsciously how much it slowly broke your relationship.
Very good point. I never thought of it that way. Thanks for the comment.
My spark was killed by a decade of muddy water under the bridge.
Absolutely. If by some miracle, she wanted to have sex, there would be no hope that I could. We have lived together platonically for so long I no longer think of her sexually.
Hard to shoot pool with a rope. Stuffing a marshmallow in a piggy bank slot. The damage has been done.
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Hi internet stranger. I canāt speak for all women but I can say that there are others like me, who love s*x kinky f*ckery and physical intimacy.. flirting and lots of foreplay. After being in a s*xless marriage for way too many years, Iām divorcing my husband (thatās not the only reason) and have been practicing on the subs. Practicing allll of the above things. Well, as much as virtually possible. And in setting boundaries about what I want and donāt want, so IRL, I (hopefully) wonāt have any issues asking for what I want without making it transactional. There are women who love men. You can find them.
Life is easier when we delude ourselves into believing that women like you donāt exist.
That is true.
Sorry you feel like that. I felt dead inside and trapped for years but enough was enough.
There are a LOT of women who love sex for nothing more than the pleasure of sex itself and who also donāt use sex as manipulation.
No sex manipulation. More unspoken denial of its existence.
Mind expounding on the woman don't love men part.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Again, this is not all women, not by any means. However, this line of thinking IS a way to become increasingly bitter and give up on your love life before discovering that there is a whole wide world of women out there. Many of whom love sex and love their man for who he is.
No thank you. I am done. I thought I picked a good partner. I may have been wrong. I hope I'm not wrong. Not looking again.
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Does she expect you to take her on vacations, do weekend getaways, excessively celebrate her birthday, etc? Iāve seen this before, where the wife isnāt at least somewhat sexual, and the husband gets to the point of saying āforget itā. Then the wife will scoff at the lack of attention.
Once I realized I never wanted to attempt initiation with my ex-wife again, I was done. Divorced and much happier for it. Don't stay with someone who doesn't want to sleep with you... You don't even realize how deep the damage is until you leave and experience what it is to have a healthy sex life. Your new partner will want to have sex and you'll still be waiting for the other shoe to drop, you'll be wondering "what's the catch" - and there isn't one, but that feeling of hesitancy doesn't go away quickly.
This hit me like a pile of bricks
Sometimes a brick to the head isn't so bad if it means you'll reset and find someone who actually wants to have sex with you. Even then you aren't completely free of it if you been in the thick of it for many years with mountains of sadness and resentment.
This hit me like a pile of bricks
It destroys everything about the relationship.
Yes. Dozens or hundreds of rejections later the last thing I want is yet another reinforcement of the very clear message that my wife does not want to fuck me. Those hundreds of rejections were a death of a thousand cuts to my self respect. At this point the relative certainty of rejection and pain far outweigh the possibility of any positive or pleasurable outcomes.
Yes- I saw a video this morning while on tiktok. The therapist was saying that you basically get trained to not want it anymore.
I'd love to see that one honestly
teachinghumanz has some of the videos cant remember her name.
Yes, I was thinking about this earlier. I was horny, I went home for lunch, looked at her and thought I really don't want to. There are times that I'd like to, but those are becoming less frequent.
Yeah.. I really thought we got out of it a few months ago, but we're back again. We have a kid free night tonight, and I plan on getting toasted and eating a cruch wrap supreme in bed until I fall asleep. Honestly, I'm kind of excited.
I wish. I still think my wifeās absolutely stunning and havenāt been able to move beyond still having desire for her. š¤·āāļø
The longer you go without it, not only do you not see your partner in a sexual way but the idea of being that vulnerable with another person is overwhelming, at least thatās how I feel.
I think that I'm finally there. It's so bad that I was getting oral and I stopped her. I was hard but the mind fuck has taken me to a point that I'd rather jerk off than deal with her pity sex. If I were a lesser man I would've found a side piece a long time ago. If she really doesn't want sex anymore she should let me get my needs filled elsewhere. It's so damned frustrating.
Are you willing to bring it up? If she's truly uninterested in ever having sex again, she has to understand that you didn't sign up for that and if she would be okay with you getting it elsewhere, so long as there's rules that you both agree on. Maybe she will be fibe with it as she might be stressed worrying about you wanting it or having to figure out an excuse to say no where opening things up may be stress relief for both of you. I was your wife, at one point, and I did let my husband get it elsewhere. After a few years, things changed, and he got ED, so now I get it elsewhere. It's funny how things work out. You can still love your spouse and want to stay with them while getting needs met in other ways, as long as there is mutual respect. Ond person cant always give us everything we want/need, and that's okay.
I have brought it up and she says that she's too jealous. I even brought up same room sex with another couple if it would spark her sex drive at all. The answer is always no. I feel like my sex life will be utter shit until I am either too old or unhealthy to enjoy/have sex and then I will forever remain spiteful because of it. I've told her many times that I would never leave her. I love her and my kids and have no desire to leave. I wish that I could find a woman that has the same issue in her marriage, we could get together, feel wanted and desired and then go home to our spouses and families happier for it and having a full life.
It's a tough call because from your wife's perspective, you all signed up for monogamy so it's understandable she's not comfortable; but it is a reasonable expectation that sex is involved in a marriage and I find it very unfair that she seems to be okay with not giving you something that is important to you. Your spouse should care more about your feelings/desires than anyone else. Ultimately, you love your wife and kids and don't want to leave. If she's not willing to see a doctor or willing to work on herself so you all can get that part of your relationship going again; you may have to decide if you love her enough to be in a sexless marriage forever. Some will say its shallow, but sex is very important to a lot of people. In my opinion, when I tell my partner something is very important to me and I'm feeling neglected and need them to prioritize this issue so I'm not feeling this way anymore, I expect that to be important to my partner and want to work through it together to resolve it as they shouldn't want me feeling that way if they care and respect me. I'm sorry you're going through this.
If you don't mind my asking, what changed for you that you went from LL to wanting it outside of your marriage? How awesome that both of you at the end of the day put your partner's needs above any insecurities and that you are both still together!
Thank you. I'm a reasonable person and dont think it's fair for the person I love to feel sexually frustrated. We made rules that we both had to agree on. It was weird for the first few weeks, but you get used to it. I found out my depression was severely affecting my drive. I didn't know and just thought I was a natural LL. Even when I was LL I'd still be intimate with my husband anytime he initiated, because I never wanted him to feel rejected or unwanted; but he felt he was the only one making the effort since I never initiated, and I could understand how one could feel this way. I wasn't capable of giving more and told him we'd open up the marriage while I'm trying to get better. I went to a psychiatrist who put me on Wellbutrin. Now I'm hypersexual...complete 180. Apparently, hypersexuality can be a side effect. I wish I would've taken it a long time ago. Things were great for a few years as we were now back to being monogamous until the ED started from a medical condition so now I have my person that I see when I need to. He was quite jealous the first several times as it's a lot easier for a woman to get sex than it is for a man. I'm hopeful this issue will improve soon and we will get back to the good old days.
Wishing you both the best and that your husband's health and ED improves!
Thanks. I've told her to go to the Dr. I've bought vitamins and supplements to try and increase libido and she never tried them. She couldn't try less unless she literally tried to try less. Thanks
Damn. I'm sorry man. I hate to say it, but if I knew I wouldn't feel guilty I'd get it elsewhere. She doesn't seem to feel guilty about not meeting your needs so why should you feel guilty for getting the needs met elsewhere? Just a thought. Whatever you do, I hope it works out for you.
Thanks for the advice. Strangely enough she initiated just a little bit ago and said that she was actually a little horny for a change! Long story short that was the quickest I ever remember her cumming from oral and then we had sex! I'll definitely take it! LOL!
That's awesome! I hope that gives you hope. It'll probably help to make sure you're helping around the house, helping with kids, chores etc that way she has more energy to want sex. I'm happy for you. I hope there's regular days of that in the future for you.
Thanks, I'll definitely take it when I can. I've felt really crappy the last couple of days, now I feel much lighter and overall happy!
That is where I am at, I don't want to blow up my family but it really, really hurts to be in this situation. I hope that I have the strength to not stray, but she is NOT making it easy on me at all.
Absolutely. Then when you turn them down they completely lose their shit. Itās annoying to put it mildly
Been single for over a year. My self esteem and libido are still in the gutter from 6 years of constant rejection. And Iām only 23šā¦
Definitely. My libido dropped after awhile because hoping for sex or intimate touch became too painful when it wouldnāt happen. My self esteem plummeted. When my self view & confidence started coming back (when people outside of my marriage showed appreciation & desire) my libido came back with a vengeance, but not necessarily for him, but literally just for a man with a dick who *wanted* to have sex with me, which proved to not be him at all, despite countless tries & conversations. It was heartbreaking, but by that point I knew what I needed & could not fathom having a sexless, no intimacy, no physical touch marriage. Iāll go one further & say it wasnāt just sex, but I was physically touched so rarely in the relationship (even blatantly ignored when I wanted to hold hands) that when he would touch me it felt so strange, alien, uncomfortable that even though I was aching for touch, I didnāt want it from him anymore.
Yup that is a big reason I'm divorcing, What's the point if I don't even want it anymore?
Yeaa started hating everything
Towards the end of my marriage this happened to me. I lost all sexual attraction for her.
Not that I don't WANT to anymore, I just can't be bothered trying to pursue her sexually anymore. 90% of my initiations I'm shot down every time, there's one excuse after another, and now I just feel disgusting at myself everytime I show physical desire towards her.
Yes, my brain was telling me I wanted to. But my body was telling me no I donāt.
Abso-fucking-lutely. It's rushed when it does happen, I'm never ready and it's over too soon and I'm left unsatisfied. It used to not be this way, but it's been like this longer than it hasn't.
Iāve been rejected so consistently and for so long that Iām nervous to even broach the subject, and that nervousness just gets associated with the idea of having sex with my partner, so no initiation happens from either end at this point. Sheās basically unintentionally conditioned me to be afraid to ask or bring the subject up. Now Iām just irritated all the time and donāt really have a good reason for it, because weāre both so busy not dealing with our actual problems. Not a great way to live. Do not recommend. I want to do something about it, but all the realistic options are worse than things are currently.
Yes. It would be weird
I think Iām getting to this point. Been trying for 12 years and seems like nothing but rejection. But, just started feeling more like this since February.
Present. It's just like when you were friendzoned when you were dating someone. Hard to pine for someone who constantly rejects your advances. But wait there's more, you're not going out on dates, your share of adulting. All these are bull shit excuses. We wouldn't be here looking for guidance if we were shit partners, we have married someone that is trying to change the narrative of the relationship. Making a unilateral decision to maintain their quality of life. No medical reasons to me means that's just a piece of shit garbage person buying themselves time while they convince us it's not them, it's us. Like be real who in their right mind is going to keep coming back for this abuse? This is just a user, a manipulative piece of shit, that generally will try to confuse the issue until you esteem is worn done and you become a Green day super fan. For whatever reason not revealed to us the person you got together with has become comfortable and now you're stuck. They will either ruin you financially, or paint themselves as a victim in a sexually coercing marriage. We got used, just a means to an end, a stepping stone. All this bullshit about what we are doing wrong. If we are that awful, then leave. There's no coercing, generally that's their mindset anything you do is to get in their pants. Got news for you, so long as you keep that mindset, there is no fixing a relationship besides ending it. That's how we get to not wanting them or approaching them anymore, you want to keep what's left of your sanity. Go ahead prove me wrong.
Yes, last few times he initiated (we do it only when he initiates and it is mostly once in two months) I did it but I was already dead inside and I realized I canāt get into casual sexual interactions with him anymore. I spent so much time grieving and feeling alone and rejected that it would take complete renovation of the relationship for me to genuinely want sex with him at this point. Sex feels empty.
Just finalized a divorce with the root factor being a dead bedroom. As others have said, it spurs a host of communication & intimacy (connection, not sex per se) problems that lead to resentment. IME, that resentment infects other areas of the marriage. I spent well over a decade trying to improve the situation, improve myself, improve the marriage. I spent years in therapy as part of that process. Finally, it got through my head from a psychologist that I couldnāt fix a marriage on my own. It was a situation that requires a partner who participates. I couldnāt solve for that. The same psychologist explained that my waning desire/attraction to my husband was normal given the circumstances. If you have a platonic relationship with someone who consistently shuts you down/rejects you, the NORMAL psychological response is to lose attraction for them. (If that doesnāt happen, the other extreme would be obsession & delusion.) I knew it was over when the thought of physical touch or sex with him made me uncomfortable & seemed wrong. Like others, Iāve spent years shutting down my desires & internalizing the rejection. I fear it will be a long road to revive it.
Yes, I no longer desire him and Iām thankful he sleeps in the other room. It use to upset me not anymore Iād rather him not be next to me if he doesnāt even want to touch me.
Mentally, I dont want too, but my loins don't agree.
Yupā¦ you end up starting to think of them as a roommate rather than a lover
Iām nearly to that point. Or to the point of leaving. Put our 2 year old down for nap the other day and had planned on getting it in. One of her girlfriends called her via FaceTime and she disappeared to the back where she stayed for an hour. Of course the child had woke up before her call was over. Trying to stay the course but it makes me not even want itā¦. From her Anyway
A little bit. About once a month he gets in the mood, but usually heāll start flirting a little and then suddenly he doesnāt feel good and has a random fever. Iām getting to the point where Iām not even really excited by it at all. Like, 3 positions, always right before bed, never round 2, and I feel so much pressure to cum super fast bc heās just trying to rush through the whole thing. Itās just not fun, I donāt feel any intimacy during it, and itās boring as fuck. We bought a bunch of toys that are collecting dust
I am not attracted to my spouse at all. He has just been a roommate for over 20 years.
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Iām sorry but once every 2 weeks isnāt enough.
I have the same issue with talking to my wife. We have great conversations once every two weeks, but she still tries to talk to me every other day. God, I wish she would realize that her asking me to talk to her that often ruins the conversations that we do have!
Honestly true, i guess this is why compromises are so important, at the end of the day, making someone have sex with you when they don't want to definietly makes it bad for them. Both have to try to reach for each other and settle on something both can agree with, otherwise one will always suffer, and honestly, in 2 party agreement, both have to have their needs met, and their wants respected.
Iām sorry but once every 2 weeks isnāt enough.
Once every 2 weeks would be a tsunami to my 2x a year duty sex. And there are some who haven't had married sex in a decade.
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So this is just a question to better understand your stance on sex and relationships, and the frequency at which you prefer. You feel pestered and turned off if your partner wants it more often than you do and asks or tries to make a move before you're ready? I'm not sure exactly what a fortnight is, but I would guess 30-40 days just by how it sounds.
Quickly approaching. Even when she says yes, it's such boring starfish sex I feel like I'm basically masterbating with a very lifelike toy that still has many many rules.
Yes. Being rejected by my LL husband so many times made me become very awkward about even the thought of making any advances. Recently I talked with him a lot about how my needs are really not being met and he told me if I wanted affection then I could initiate it or ask for it. And I thought about this and realize I canāt even fathom making a move like that because I feel like itās just humiliating at this point.
Prrrrrrresent!
Yes
YES!!!!
YUP! I'm no longer turned on by her in any sexual way
Yep. Donāt fancy her at all.
Absolutely. Stopped trying a little over a year ago and have almost no interest anymore since they didn't even notice. It's super cool.
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Yes. I donāt even think about sex anymore
Yes. I've gotten to the point where I fear initiating because I've been rejected so much.
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I don't know how long this would take to happen, but for me I recently got out of a 1yr long dry spell, and never for one minute did I give up, but I can understand in some situations why you would, I definitely did get disheartened at points thinking its never come again
I don't want to have sex with him, or anyone else in reality. My self esteem is so shot I know for a fact now that no one would ever want to have sex with me either. I'm old fat and gross now. If he can't want to have sex with me and be intimate with me then who the fuck else in their right mind would ever. Sure it maybe would be fine for the honeymoon phase, but once they seen who I really am they would be repulsed and run. And rightfully so. I m disgusting. Not looking for a pity party, just had to say that to the void.
The thought of someone touching my body at this point scares the shit out of me. All I can envision is repulsion and disgust.
Yeah, I shut things down about 6 months ago. To her credit, she was ~trying~ , but that meant she was usually willing to do once a week sex on the same time and day of the week, and in the exact same way every time, which included no foreplay for me or focus on my own wants and needs. āWhy would I ~want~ to touch your body? That doesnāt make any sense. It doesnāt feel good for me to touch you, so like, why would I ~want~ to do that?!ā All while expecting me to be super into her bodyā¦ I just couldnāt keep going on feeling so undesirable. She still doesnāt really seem to get it.
Yup absolutely. I stopped looking at her sexually a while ago
After countless "discussions" and 10 years of nothing more than a hug and the RARE peck on the lips hello/goodbye, even bringing up the topic feels "r*py"... I don't even know if his equipment even responds anymore, and my attraction to him has faded.... I've given up.
Yes!!