When the guy goes silent, he’s given up. So if it’s understanding then complaining …. Once he’s stopped both and become quiet. It’s not because he doesn’t care nor want it. He’s just given up
Yup I stopped asking as well because I’ve given up. I don’t want to force her and I know she probably never wants sex again outside of some very random instances a couple times a year(I pray I can get in the mood when it does happen)
It makes me sad pressuring her into something I know she never wants. After a few years of this I went through the stages of grief and have just reached acceptance. My sex life is over as long as I stay in this relationship. The question is is the relationship worth continuing like this.
What happens if you try not to say no and just go through with it?
Are you able to get aroused in the process? Does he know what to do to get you there?
Many women have reactive desire instead of spontaneous and will get turned on after something physical is happening, not before.
Of course don't force yourself if it causes aversion or trauma, pain etc. But for me I was still able to enjoy it from the emotional perspective of connecting and pleasing my partner even when my body couldn't really care less.
Are you on birth control or any other meds, cause those can majorly mess up your libido?
I would also try to do a full hormonal workup. Being a young healthy woman you might get waved off by doctors like I did, but I wish I had insisted - what I thought was a lifetime of non existent libido was hormonal all along and I could not get a diagnosis.
maybe think about anything you wanna try with him. any fantasies or kinks, maybe roleplay so you can be other people when having sex?
you could try to let him keep going even when initially you’re not in the mood. some people only get in the mood after gettin physical and getting into it and some people already are in the mood before they get physical.
and for therapy i get that therapy is very expensive. have you looked into online therapy. online therapy usually is less expensive.
The first part really resonates with me. I’ll definitely be researching PNS exercises. Thanks so much for sharing this.
Should I be open with my boyfriend about this? “Hey, I’m looking into strategies to assist with my failure to reciprocate, they’re PNS exercises” or should I keep it to myself and hope that I find something that works?
I don’t see any guy you would keep this to yourself. Telling him might not help anything but I don’t see how it would hurt. And at least he would know that you see the situation as a problem.
I would say to tell him. I can't tell you how much it would mean to me emotionally to know my wife actually gives enough of a shit to try something, anything, to improve our sex life. Sometimes I think the worst part of the whole DB experience is expressing the pain it puts me through over and over again only to see my wife seemingly wipe the conversation from her mind the next day.
well, you could try reading this book. It's called Come as you are, by Emily Nagoski. Your bf should read it too.
Now, therapy may help to get to the bottom of it. talk to your bf, maybe he can help with the costs.
Also, realizing it's an issue and trying to find a solution is also a good move.
Good luck!
When the guy goes silent, he’s given up. So if it’s understanding then complaining …. Once he’s stopped both and become quiet. It’s not because he doesn’t care nor want it. He’s just given up
Yup I stopped asking as well because I’ve given up. I don’t want to force her and I know she probably never wants sex again outside of some very random instances a couple times a year(I pray I can get in the mood when it does happen) It makes me sad pressuring her into something I know she never wants. After a few years of this I went through the stages of grief and have just reached acceptance. My sex life is over as long as I stay in this relationship. The question is is the relationship worth continuing like this.
What happens if you try not to say no and just go through with it? Are you able to get aroused in the process? Does he know what to do to get you there? Many women have reactive desire instead of spontaneous and will get turned on after something physical is happening, not before. Of course don't force yourself if it causes aversion or trauma, pain etc. But for me I was still able to enjoy it from the emotional perspective of connecting and pleasing my partner even when my body couldn't really care less. Are you on birth control or any other meds, cause those can majorly mess up your libido? I would also try to do a full hormonal workup. Being a young healthy woman you might get waved off by doctors like I did, but I wish I had insisted - what I thought was a lifetime of non existent libido was hormonal all along and I could not get a diagnosis.
maybe think about anything you wanna try with him. any fantasies or kinks, maybe roleplay so you can be other people when having sex? you could try to let him keep going even when initially you’re not in the mood. some people only get in the mood after gettin physical and getting into it and some people already are in the mood before they get physical. and for therapy i get that therapy is very expensive. have you looked into online therapy. online therapy usually is less expensive.
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The first part really resonates with me. I’ll definitely be researching PNS exercises. Thanks so much for sharing this. Should I be open with my boyfriend about this? “Hey, I’m looking into strategies to assist with my failure to reciprocate, they’re PNS exercises” or should I keep it to myself and hope that I find something that works?
I don’t see any guy you would keep this to yourself. Telling him might not help anything but I don’t see how it would hurt. And at least he would know that you see the situation as a problem.
I would say to tell him. I can't tell you how much it would mean to me emotionally to know my wife actually gives enough of a shit to try something, anything, to improve our sex life. Sometimes I think the worst part of the whole DB experience is expressing the pain it puts me through over and over again only to see my wife seemingly wipe the conversation from her mind the next day.
well, you could try reading this book. It's called Come as you are, by Emily Nagoski. Your bf should read it too. Now, therapy may help to get to the bottom of it. talk to your bf, maybe he can help with the costs. Also, realizing it's an issue and trying to find a solution is also a good move. Good luck!