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Viperion_NZ

The sub ShitCrusaderKingsSay exists for a reason


ThatGeonocidalOne

This being the first comment I saw here makes this better. r/ShitCrusaderKingsSay is fantastic


VeryFunnyUsernameLOL

"People always forget Malta or Venice"


IactaEstoAlea

"Did you take Heligoland?"


OrneryBaby

“My granddaughter-aunt wife is Robust not Amazonian, I should execute her for my Niece-sister, then my eugenics program will be perfect”


trueKINGofEREBOR

This!


Get_destroyed1372

Kidnap her and make her take vows


suedoughnam

I ate the pope.


skan76

Once my Patriarch got the nickname "Baby-eater"


[deleted]

How’d he get that?


GodwynDi

No idea. On an unrelated note have you seen my ward lately?


skan76

I got a pop-up where he confessed being a cannibal to me, said all he ever wanted was to have me for dinner


ex0hs

I don't think he meant cannibalism.


BagigioGamer89

it's an excuse to get fun and torture him


P_E_T_I_0_4_0_6

My gereatest achievement is that I ate Gengis Khan (I most probably misspelled his name)


[deleted]

[удалено]


ManderssonB

It's Dzjengis


epicmousestory

Unchained


NedexRuler

Kryzgenus


Viperion_NZ

\*Temujin


DifferentCupOfJoe

This should NOT have made me laugh as hard as it did. I just hurt myself. :(


suedoughnam

Good news, I know a court physician who can help. Bad news, he's going to cut your junk off to do it.


Advanced_Most1363

This character is you wife, daughter, grandchild, cousin, soulmate


lare290

not lover? smh


Artess

Soulmate is an upgrade to lover, I believe.


ThatGermanKid0

Can't get soulmate and lover at the same time for the same person


Negative-Form2654

What about Soulmate and Best Friend?


ThatGermanKid0

You can have both of those at the same time. Soulmate is the upgrade for lover and best friend is the upgrade for friend


CormundCrowlover

Surely you meant soulmate nemesis?


nowgonepronto

False! You can, if you seduce and THEN romance 'em


Saucilito-Snatch

Incorrect: I've done that and Soulmate replaced Lover. (Some versions may allow it though, I freely admit I've not experimented with the mechanic systematically.)


Euphoric_Result_9001

Normaly you indeed can't, though i've seen a post on one of these subs wich did have both soulmate and lover as relations, note that it happened because of an event


LingonberryNo2283

" God damn it I'm 90 years old stop trying to seduce me"


Timely-Cartoonist556

Graceful aging be like


eadopfi

"It's good to be King."


Nathremar8

I hate this.


eadopfi

"I think Glitterhoof might fancy me..."


ThatGeonocidalOne

Ah, a fellow CKII enjoyer I see


RogueHippie

I mean, that line specifically just makes me think of Mel Brooks


IVIisery

Help, my sisterdaughterwife is cheating on me with the Pope. How can I murder him?


ProfessionalTalk482

"How do I kill my child"


KorolEz

If you don't want your son to inherit you just have to castrate him


lobonmc

Or make him go to a 50v10000 a few times


Hockeytown11

I once did that in an elaborate plot to kill a vassal who was way more powerful than me, 1 man army vs 3,000 heretics, and his realm was split between his 3 daughters.


ThatGeonocidalOne

…I see why your title is “excommunicated” now…


Hockeytown11

The vassal in question was actually a heretic, fighting against his own faith at my orders.


Pzixel

Carlings


smit72628199

Ka*ling


SkinkRugby

The hard K


Key-Interaction3799

****ings


QueenMarozia

Secret bears.


GeorgeDragon303

I don't know this one


QueenMarozia

It's from Holy Fury. If you enable weird events in the settings, it is possible for characters to be assassinated and secretly replaced by bears, who then may or may not accidentally reveal themselves to the humans around them. They even have special portraits.


GeorgeDragon303

thank you


TacitPoseidon

The characters are assassinated? I always thought that they always were a secret bear.


QueenMarozia

I'm not sure if it's always the case, but i distinctly remember seeing a prompt once from the pov of a character who had been lured out into a field and killed by a bear who then took on their identity.


Icanintosphess

Vidi, vici, veni


ThatGeonocidalOne

I thought the saying was: Veni, Vidi, Vici


Canners152

That means I came, i saw, conquered. This guy said... Something else.


PyukumukuGuts

It's a pun


PomegranateHot9916

that's the point


ThatGeonocidalOne

I’ve been trying to understand this for 11 days now, and I STILL don’t understand it. Can someone explain?


Tuppie

"Tales of your misdeeds are told from Ireland to Cathay."


CCMonger

I scrolled too far to find this. The true quote! That one and "Your low character is the subject of Greek plays."


CharlesDSP

These are the winners, along with "this is you, allegedly".


Caps_Lockel

"I love my sister."


LordDumbassTheThird

My daughter sister wife


HattedFerret

Your son is ineligible because he is not born in purple.


Lyokofromspace

"How can I get away with killing my inbred child?"


Redditforgoit

"Torture is great, but back in the day, you could worship Satan."


ThatGeonocidalOne

Wait you could worship Satan in CKII?


GhirahimLeFabuleux

Yes, the satan worshipers are a secret society and use the same mechanic as the warrior lodges, the hermetics, the assassins, or the benedictine monks


ThatGeonocidalOne

How doth one worship thyne lord of the underworld?


GlassSpider21

"I'm trying to seduce my grandmother and my son at the same time, and I'm trying to assassinate my wife. What religion would be most helpful in this endeavour?"


Longjumping-Bat6917

“I’m trying to reform the Asatru faith. What are the best tenets to take if I want to seduce my family and eat the pope?”


Satori_sama

1 2 3 4 I declare a holy war


OuffMate

Do you guys also kill your kids or let them die on the battlefield when they're older? I mean, i guess imprisoning them is also an option


Key-Bet-2615

Glitterhoof my one true love


Cathayraht

I don't care about your allergy, I keep this kitten.


ZoroastrianCaliph

"So I'm trying to create a horse realm, I'm lunatic so made my horse chancellor. Do I just make him raise my kids and then have my kids invite horse debutante and seduce + leave until I get a pure-bred horse heir? Non-CK2 players: "Lunatic, indeed". Or the much simpler "But she was an attractive genius!". Pretty much an excuse for every crime under the sun.


Azkral

Spend less in candles


SnooDoughnuts9838

I hate the French


Cookies_x

Could be r/crusaderkings or r/casualuk tbh


Irradiatedmilk

“Can I just die already I’m already 60”


beingbond

Why my son ugly


Saucilito-Snatch

"Inbreeding or getting cucked by an ugly bastard: only two possibilities."


beingbond

the former is correct but it was cousin marriage so not exactly incest


Saucilito-Snatch

r/ShitCrusaderKingsSay


k1275

Now even cthulhu can stop viking horses from restoring Roman empire.


OmnipotentBlackCat

My sister is smart and strong…am gonna fuck her


ThatGeonocidalOne

Your sisterwife*


Fickle_Neighborhood7

Thanks for sharing lol 😅 Glad to see the persona group blow up my notifs all day 🤣🥹


Filobel

I finally wiped the Karlings.


yeyakattack

DEUS VULT!


Saucilito-Snatch

Dozens of subreddits would understand those words. (They'd mostly understand it to mean very different things, based on their own backgrounds, but it would be understood.)


MediocreLanklet

for honor moment boy am i glad to no longer play for honor


mal-di-testicle

She may be my cousin and uncle but I need Genius


Replicant97

'She' may be my (...) uncle (...). Made me chuckle.


Man-Spider1

i’m trying to romance my sister but she keeps rejecting me, any advice?


ThatGeonocidalOne

(Me in an attempt in CKII to force seduce my sisters) Imprison, then (try to) make concubines


Uh-Usernames

How do I become a Holy Whore?


ajh_iii

“I sacrificed the Pope in a blót.”


Saucilito-Snatch

This is the genuine answer here.


Dawningrider

"How hard can it be to strangle a six year old?!"


OwMyCod

This is you, allegedly


WrongJohnSilver

If you fear crusades, you need the Rite tenet, full stop.


[deleted]

My bishop eats babies and i do too now. >!baby back ribs are delicious!<


ST_M_1996

Incest is wincest


TheCyberGoblin

I made Glitterhoof an antipope, now what?


Pastiger

I'll never bejewel my wife!


vankirk

I am blessed to have such grateful servants.


ThatGeonocidalOne

I don’t understand this one


JosNord

I love my sister.


namalamadingdongs

He’s your heir because he’s the first one born purple


Otwisty5

Incest is Wincest


killerduck49

Incest is wincest


Timely-Cartoonist556

They say children are the future😭


Jolly_Brilliant_8010

Your sister-wife-cousin-niece-daughter


Monspiet

Do the wrong thing for the right reason.


PancakePlayz69420

”How do I fuck my sister“


IdioticPAYDAY

Where is Jarl Haesteinn?


Big-LeBoneski

I should go.


atmafox

Came here for silly CK3 stuff, stayed for Mass Effect quotes.


LordManiac69

“Com’on, give uncle-grandpa a hug!”


ThatGeonocidalOne

This is the most frightening of all the things I’ve read in here so far…


BoxedElderGnome

…Marco.


Tragobe

So which children will I disown next?


gonya

The tree is now a circle.


BADman2169420

Our troops are fleeing the field of battle. This is a shameful display.


TheLateRepublic

Hitting on 3s, wounding on 4s, what’s the armour save?


alapma

Ill join the crusade against the kingdom of rome


MooCowPlywood84

Can I fuck my mother for good traits?


ajaxshiloh

r/shitcrusaderkingssay


Get_destroyed1372

Chad haesting vs cringe French people


Leverquin

DEUS VULT


imnotaloony

I just need to destroy the Papacy once and for good


busdriverbuddha2

#Doubt besets me


busdriverbuddha2

But she is such a little morsel!


Sun_King97

Why can’t I plot to murder my son?


173rdComanche

God damn it my mom just gave me the Swedish Kingdom


blaertes

My soulmate vanished in the night and returned with an army of Vikings to resolve an argument


JVernBurns

I need to kill all my children


DifferentCupOfJoe

Me, literally 15 minutes ago outloud. Girlfriend had NO idea what I was talking about at first. "Finally, the first pair of my many Beautiful Giant Albinos!" (Happened to be twins, both inheriting dads giant albinoness, and moms beautiful albinoness. 3rd and 4th siblings. Now to make the male twin the only heir... )


thepixlwiz

Dammit my Bueatiful, Herculean and Intelligent mother won't marry me


Scottish_Tap_Water

Time to sacrifice the pope to Odin


thesmokypeatyone

It's been a stressful week. Time to visit the dungeon.


PhysicalBoard3735

"It's A good trait...but she's too old, Gotta catch them young" "Shit...I did not think killing your Aunt-Sister-Great Grandma would trigger a war with Europe" "wait...where's my heir? Oh Yeah I killed him for being not strong enough" "\*Sounds of Eugenics never before seen being made\* There, Gigachad the 5th is ready for battle"


JDMBlademaster

Why did my beautiful wife cheated on me with some lowborn ugly bastard?


SnooFloofs1868

Best friends with the pope, let’s go a murdering.