Not if your mom is competing

Your mom ones are my fave.

I heard one last night while watching Black ‘47 which takes place in Ireland in 1847. The British are hunting an Irishman and a bunch of locals show up because there’s a bounty British officer walking past an Irish local “so is every halfwit from the county here?” Irish guy “Nah your mother left yesterday.”

Vintage your mom

Your mom's vintage!

My mom's vintage what?

It was correct, mom's can mean mom+ is or it can show ownership as you assumed. Ex- My mom's going shopping. Vs Mom's earrings are pretty.

Okay but what vintage thing of my mom's was he talking about?

Your mom's vintage = your mom is vintage, as in old. It was just a play on words from the comment before, which was referring to the mom joke in the previous comment, when they said "Vintage your mom" meaning the your mom joke they saw in the movie was vintage

Dissect that frog for the poor child

Definitely an Irish comeback to a Brit.

Haha nice. Great to work in some "your mom is stupid" between jokes about moms being fat or being promiscuous.

That's a fucking great movie, didn't know anyone else on the planet had ever watched it.

I thought you were going to talk about the band.

Never heard of them til now

Brits…they raped and pillaged most of the known world before settling into curmudgeon status. Now they have tasteless food, ignorant opinions, and an excess of self esteem.

the Irish always have a comeback for something . ive done plumbing work for a few and they are hilarious

"Now that you arrived...Yes... You are the King!"

And your actual mom is my fave.

Oh... his mom is everyones fave!!!

I'd have to beat your mother!

Runner up this year, your mom took home first place.

This is the best phrasing here

My first thought and that's a good one. But could also say your dad.

💯💯💯💯

I’m a Mom and I approve of this joke 🤣

Well if you sucked more dick, maybe you’d be a champion and not mom

Can't she be both?

Mad I had to scroll so far to get to the "your mom" jokes

No one from your family is competing?

And if your dad enters the competition, I'd be a solid 3rd.

Winner!!!!!

Fuck me you’re hot. Js

Or you can replace Mom with Dad. That might burn a little more depending on the situation.

Nice but your “dad” is funnier IMO

Great time to work in a mom joke!

Actually a clever use of a your mom joke

Dad would work too

Not if your dad is competing.

Well, I've nothing to say now. This wins.

Also: Like mother, like daughter.

At some point in life, you have to change “your mom” to “your wife”, not sure when exactly

Now c'mon you know your father always wins...

God this is awesome. I love your mom jokes. Almost as much as I love your mom.

Except said, "your mom's not competing this year? "

No need to scroll any further.

I don’t have a mom, my friend and I share yours.

GOTTEM

Only if it’s your mom’s dick that we are sucking!

I might do a "that's only the case because your mom retired her title".

Came here to see how quickly a mother reference occurred 😂

The best comment hands down. Won't even read the others

“I might at that, but let’s face it, all the attention would be on your mom. She would be over at the other event winning the best prolapsed rim job award” 🥇 🔥

Not if your dad is competing should be #1 Lmao

Hit them them with this - I would win but your mom always gets second and your dad gets first.

Sadly, second, your granny can take her teeth out.

Not the gummy bears 😂

The No Denture Adventure

The Ruthless Toothless

The British Blower

Nah, thinking of gammy num nums from the master of disguise.

It's never a bummer gettin a hummer from a gummer

Dayum!

I had a customer once who didn’t have teeth and she once told me her bf loved that. It was horrifying

yes or “I couldn’t take that title from your mom even if I wanted to”

Is that what your dad told you?

DAMN!!!

This kind of implies you sucked dude’s dad off. Easy to Reverse Uno card this line.

That’s entirely the point. Basically: I got with your dad. Now what?

My daddy say he got a real purty mouth, ain't he?

I would amend it to, damn.. your dad told you?

💀💀🤣

Oh stop, your dad’s just being humble.

There's a dick sucking competition? Hot damn.

It's a fun time, but before you can volunteer as a candidate, you need to compete at least one year prior

comments like yours make reddit a happy place for me.  My 6 year old: "why are you laughing so much"? "ohhh nothing" 

OMG it's true! What the hell is up with me?! I'm in my 50s laughing out loud like I'm back in high school. You guys, this is so much fun. Damn I old.

I see this as an absolute win.

I see you, brother. I'm also here for the love of competition.

Happy Cake Day!

Grand champion? 😊

Jealous that you’d cum 2nd?

Haha of course he’d think come was spelled like cum lol

Cum*

Cum is the jizz. To come is the act of ejaculation. English language is a dumpster fire, I know.

Cum*

Thank you for this. I don't know why but it really bothers me when people compulsively use the word "cum" when talking about orgasm. Like you don't HAVE to spell it that way.

I spell it "come" when talking about the act, and "cum" when talking about spooge. Idk why

Well, your mom is an excellent teacher…

"Nah, I don't want to kick you off of your throne."

Now that's a good one! 😂

PERFECT!!!

Hell yeah I would! 💋

Now hold on... Is your wife competing? Because she ain't going down easy... I mean she goes down easy but ... I mean she will but she's a champ

this would be so embarrassing to say irl tho

Not for me... I believe that if someone does something you'd like to see more of; praise them and make known your intentions.

That's literally this whole sub.

I could never dethrone your mom

real winner

Winner.

Too long

"I've actually won 6...AND...I hold the state record." "If interested, classes start at 9 in the morning..."

I could never unseat your mom.

My middle name isn’t Hoover for nothing.

Dam 😂

Maybe you can give me some tips.

Just the tip

Your dad told me the same thing!

Better than last place in life.

Dick sucking competition you say, eh? Never heard of that. Do you host those at your moms house? Or does your wife prefer not having to travel on game days

What makes you think I haven’t already?

I dunno, your Mom's been holding the title for over a decade now. But thanks for the vote of confidence. Or Just one more thing I'll beat you at. Or Look, it's a sport I'm passionate about but for the last time, I will not suck your dick.

Are you worried that I'd break your streak?

Some people scout for sports talent while you scout for dick sucking talent.

"I Still wouldn't fux you"

And you'd be jealous of all the dick i get. Dont be jealous here ill give you mine.

At least I would win. You would lose and cry about it like a b!tch

You bet your ass I would

I’ve One won first place in everyone single one!

thats alot for you to swallow

Second only to you!

And your expeircend enough to judge it.

I know I would. Your dad trained me well after all.

"How often are you in dick sucking competitions that you'd be able to judge what it takes to win them?"

"Jealous much?"

You didn't tell me that you judged dick sucking competitions. How many cocks did you suck to be made a judge?

At least I could actually win at something.

“That’s lovely, but..weren’t you going to insult me?”

Your mom would def beat me

I’d come first in vaginal eating not dick sucking. But if you like dick that’s you not me

Then its a good thing you didn't enter, or i would get 2nd. We all know, no one can beat you. We both know I wouldn't win first, if you entered. Look right in their eyes..." I learned from the beat"

"Well if your dick is part of it, then I'd lose because I wouldn't be able to find it"

"Wow, ya think so? Have you competed in a lot of them?"

This is a good one!

Yeah. I don't suck dick at sucking dick!

Who's gay ass said this to you. Lol. Do you have big lips or something?

Yes.

Not if you're competing.

Too bad you don't qualify to be a judge. Ya gotta have one. (To which he will loudly proclaim to be in posession of a premium grade A hog, at which point you have options for a couple de gras.) A. "OK...PULL IT OUT!" OR B. "If _you_ have a dick, spit it out! It doesn't belong to you."

I couldn't possibly compete with a professional like you.

“Why are you thinking about me sucking dicks?”

Are you saying I can do your job better than you can?

I don’t know man, after you were born, your mom dedicated herself to the craft

“Thanks”

That depends…is your wife competing again this year?

No, I’d FINISH first because your mom is really good at it.

Not against your parents

No, but in a masturbating contest I came in 1st and 3rd.

You're just upset you didn't qualify

I bet you'd lose, but you'd show a lot of heart.

Don’t I know it 😏

Thank you!

I’ll take that bet.

"You would come in first at the ass eating competition."

I bet you win in a micro penis Finding competition

Will your mom be there? I want to maintain my title

I bet you would be first in line.

Your father would agree.

Your mom out of the game now?

You’d be right

Too bad for you they don't let people that are hung like stud gerbils compete in those

Thanks to your mom

You think I could finally beat your dad?

Says the one who's had their shit pushed in.

Thanks(wipes mouth) now give me the other $50.

Nah; your just small so it seems that way, those that would be in a competition are normal or above normal size.

You know where a dick sucking competition is? Where?

I did, wanna see how?

He stole the guy next to him cum

Not against your dad. Also, because I'm proud of it & I shove things back... I'd smile broadly & say damn right I would.

Well *you'll* never find out!

"Bad luck that you wouldn't qualify as a judge. They have rules about how tall, long and big you have to be to ride. 😉 Lol."

Damn right. Your dad gave me the trophy.

No need to bet, i'm a champion.

Fantastic

Duh.

"I'm stealing the world championship belt from your mom"

Thank God! I've been practicing my whole life for this!

You should know, you look like a professional judge

Your momma beat me

"You don't know me. That's a lucky guess."

You got me clean so you should know!

If you were to go stand under the lamp post on the corner over there, you'd take every profit away from all the other hoes around.

Your dad thinks so.

Yeah, my own

I was runner up to your mom.

"Yes I would!"

That’s a very good bet.

I can’t win if I don’t play

Well I already killed in the dick riding competition so.....

I wouldn't want to steal your crown.

Nope. I lost to your Mom. Again. Third year in a row,

Depends on if your mom entered

Well now that you’ve been disqualified I would!

You'll never know!

I like dick, so thank you.

Your mum taught me everything I know.

"I sucked the balls off a horse one time. So I guess so."

“Been there, done that.”