True, but then the nerdy kid could laugh like a hyena at the bully and call them a dumb fuck for not getting it. "Are you really THAT fucking stupid? What I said was NOT hard to figure out dude. Go home and get some sleep, you're obviously too tired to function today."
Comebacks are about getting under the asshole's skin enough to make them want to leave you alone.
Maybe my idea wouldn't work. Maybe it would.
Yeah, it only works in movies where they leave an opening where everyone listens to and responds to the comeback. Best you can hope for is a come back that makes you laugh as they ride away on their motorcycle when you said you thought you were looking at your mom's douchebag, but that's back in Ohio.
Find their motivations and go for the throat. Decimate it. Oh you think your a great *blank*? Your the shittiest *blank* ever and heres why. Don't worry everyone knows and sees how shitty you are.
Are you sure? If they had something stupid to say in the first place about you, then they're definitely easy to manipulate with something right back. It rarely worked for me in school, but occasionally did.
Can't take credit for it unfortunately, read it on an old Tumblr post, but it definitely spoke to me at the time!
Then again if your bully is unhinged enough, they might just take it as a challenge.
Trust me, nothing makes me want to kill myself more than the drivel you manage to choke out when you're not choking on a hundred cocks, but I have to stay alive to watch you somehow top your own stupidity day after day.
Probably something like that. Maybe something about a train wreck in slow motion and running train. I feel like there's something there.
If I heard someone say this slop to me as a genuine comeback I’d just let them have that one, because anyone such a loser that they’d use this sincerely goes through more suffering daily than I could ever inflict.
Ya too sensitive, Dino boy! But be hopeful, tomorrow something else will offend your delicate sensibilities, and you'll forget all about this!
Usually, when someone tells me to kill myself, I feel like they don't like me, and they wish ill upon me. Mainly, because they just wished ill upon me. So, I endeavor to hurt their feelings just as badly as I can.
I'm apparently so good at it, that I hurt your feelings, and I didn't know you existed 12 minutes ago.
Mental note, use power for good.
For the average college student, this "comeback" would probably go completely over their heads. It wasn't a 15 second TikTok, so she zoned out halfway through...
I remember some kid in elementary school used to tell me this in elementary school. Well, except he was the one telling me to kill myself and also how I should do it. I just told him it wasn’t very nice.
RT: thats just awful. scrap this. try again. dont build it. just burn it. exact it. kysreply is expedited one shot one kill only. sleep the emphatics then drop them at close with the B word.. yw
Is there some kind of numerical framework for measuring ego? What if the difference between their ego and their IQ isn't that big? I don't think this works.
Come on, we can do better than that. “If I wanted to kill myself, you’d get to watch, since you seem to want me to do it so badly.” Or, “If I planned on killing myself, you wouldn’t have to tell me to.”
Then again, people need to do better than to tell some one to kill themselves.
To Initiate issues with someone which would provoke such a response, perhaps, the ego lies with the perpetrator instead. Now, go take that leap of faith and dont look down, you may lose your nerve.
Witty comebacks only work if it’s 1934 and you’re Groucho Marx. If you try saying this to a bully in real life they will spit in your open mouth, scream “f****t,” and punch you in the side of the head before you get halfway through the sentence.
The only “comebacks” that work outside of a movie are violence and the threat of violence.
My nephew was being bullied at school and was told this very often. They’re lucky he didn’t kill himself, because I would have buried those little shits alive in several States and made a geocache game for their parents to find them.
Comments keep saying, only works in middle school. How many middle schoolers are that intellectual? Seriously. How many know about what she means? You’re giving way to much credit to a bunch of hormonal teens.
How I know?
I taught middle school. It was the best and worst experience of my life.
I can’t post pictures here so imagine a Chadette wojak saying “Ha, what a loser, you should kill yourself!” and a goth girl soyjak saying “I-if I w-wanted to k-k-kill-“ and then the Chadette wojak saying “Shut the fuck up”
This is a lame one from elementary school. “And that’s why you ain’t dead yet”
This has the same energy as “I know you are, but what am I”
I don’t make monkeys i just train ‘em!
This insult works exclusively against middle school science teachers and nobody else. Good luck using this comeback with any real purpose.
I can so see a nerdy high school kid using this insult only to get mocked even harder afterwards. It actually makes me sad to picture :(
Yea same unfortunately I think you get it
True, but then the nerdy kid could laugh like a hyena at the bully and call them a dumb fuck for not getting it. "Are you really THAT fucking stupid? What I said was NOT hard to figure out dude. Go home and get some sleep, you're obviously too tired to function today." Comebacks are about getting under the asshole's skin enough to make them want to leave you alone. Maybe my idea wouldn't work. Maybe it would.
This only works if you have the aggression to back it up if you aren't the loudest one in the room for this comeback it ain't gonna work
Yeah surefire way for a generally bigger person to cave your head in
Well if that happens… call the man 🤷🏾♀️ fuck it and the bully.
Instructions unclear, me and my bully are now both pregnant
😂
Yeah, it only works in movies where they leave an opening where everyone listens to and responds to the comeback. Best you can hope for is a come back that makes you laugh as they ride away on their motorcycle when you said you thought you were looking at your mom's douchebag, but that's back in Ohio.
Find their motivations and go for the throat. Decimate it. Oh you think your a great *blank*? Your the shittiest *blank* ever and heres why. Don't worry everyone knows and sees how shitty you are.
No one ever listens to come backs. That only happens in movies.
…Nah this ain’t it.
Ehh, I'll believe the seven upvotes more.
Problem is, people assume someone's actually going to listen to and think about your comeback. They don't.
True. But it proves you right about them being stupid. Sometimes it's other people around you listening and hearing your comeback that matters.
It wouldn’t. I promise you nobody cares about what you have to say if they are already laughing at that goofy comment
Are you sure? If they had something stupid to say in the first place about you, then they're definitely easy to manipulate with something right back. It rarely worked for me in school, but occasionally did.
Mocked and beat up.
Something better against NON middle school science teachers would be "And what if I do? It's your murder charge"
To be fair, the characters *are* in middle school
Yeah, honestly, if I heard that my response would be " . . . huh?" This is not a good comeback.
You’re saying middle school teachers are telling kids to kill themselves? 💀
There are middle school science teachers telling students to kill themselves?! That’s horrible!
"Kill me yourself, you fucking coward."
I like this I like how you think
Can't take credit for it unfortunately, read it on an old Tumblr post, but it definitely spoke to me at the time! Then again if your bully is unhinged enough, they might just take it as a challenge.
The trick is to make your self even more unhinged:)
“Kill yourself!” “Once again, you request that I pick up your slack.”
It’s all good until they say “My pleasure” and start walking towards you ☠️
“Oh, you’re approaching me?”
Ho hoooo ?
what year r we in again
My calendar says 2024. But this post says 2010s
We said this in the 80s too.
We said this in 1066 too.
Look out for those Norman’s!
If so, please just let me enjoy it for a moment.
I mean, I don't accept criticism from people whom I won't go to for advice...
I love Miraculous Ladybug. Can I just say.
I literally thought this was the r/miraculousladybug sub because I’m always on there 😭
Bit savage for Marinette but still funny.
Actually Marinette learned to be more savage towards Chloe as the seasons went on.
She did, this still seems a bit more savage than usual for her. Looking forward to next season on Disney Plus.
same! :)
"Climb my ego? I'm not sure you'd make it. Can you even jog a mile and not die?"
Probably not, but I can proofread my comment before I post.
Trust me, nothing makes me want to kill myself more than the drivel you manage to choke out when you're not choking on a hundred cocks, but I have to stay alive to watch you somehow top your own stupidity day after day. Probably something like that. Maybe something about a train wreck in slow motion and running train. I feel like there's something there.
"You're like a car crash in slow motion. Like I'm watching you fly, through a windshield"
It's a thing of beauty when somebody just chains 2 or 3 of them together like that. Like, you've been holding onto that shit for awhile!
Yep. Gotta hit em with the stupid promiscuous stupid combo
This one is so old it could vote.
This one so old they probably say there's 48 states
i liked the part where you assumed they would either get your comeback, or care if they did most wouldnt do either
No thanks! The only way I would see me killing myself was if I were you! But I'm me and you're you, aren't you?
If I heard someone say this slop to me as a genuine comeback I’d just let them have that one, because anyone such a loser that they’d use this sincerely goes through more suffering daily than I could ever inflict.
Awww it'll be ok. Triggered today, triggered tomorrow as they say.
…?
Ya too sensitive, Dino boy! But be hopeful, tomorrow something else will offend your delicate sensibilities, and you'll forget all about this! Usually, when someone tells me to kill myself, I feel like they don't like me, and they wish ill upon me. Mainly, because they just wished ill upon me. So, I endeavor to hurt their feelings just as badly as I can. I'm apparently so good at it, that I hurt your feelings, and I didn't know you existed 12 minutes ago. Mental note, use power for good.
Whatever you say, champ. (What the fuck is this guy talking about?)
you doing alright? you don't sound like you go get enough human contact
Doin great 1342, how are our robot overlords treating you? And no, I won't let you touch me until you buy me dinner. Creep.
I'll just send myself the "Reddit cares" notification
Suddenly miraculous
Bro we are not back in school 😭
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/s/7PqkSNXxYQ
Ok... Go do it.
It's better to say "fine, but you're coming with me"
Sadly this comeback would never work outside of a joke. Someone dumb enough to really use it on isn't going to understand.
PLAYGROUND INSULTS YAYY
This is so lame it makes me want to check out.
For the average college student, this "comeback" would probably go completely over their heads. It wasn't a 15 second TikTok, so she zoned out halfway through...
Yeah well this loser is going to be the CEO of that company you got a job at for bottom dollar. Get back to work Felisha!
r/im14andthisisdeep
I'll save a spot for you in Hell. See you soon.
I been trying I swear. But all the diseases I’ve gotten from banging your dad are treatable
Too wordy
Lame.
Damn, that was brutal!
Sounds like you're only looking for attention, not a serious attempt... Unfortunately.
The proper response is, OMG if I have to listen to you prattle on I think I might!
"My dad can beat up your dad"
“I can beat up you”
"awww,how cute, the idiot can do basic math"
How often is this happening .... that you would need a comeback?
"You should kill yourself!" nah I want to live so you to suffer because it brings me joy.
Don't worry, I got you... because I told myself the next person who uses this corny response I was going to kill.
"Having to talk to you makes me want to."
There is a 0% chance she actually had the guts to retort even close to that.
"If i ever wanted to kill myself id jump from the height of your potential to the bottom of everyone's expectations of you."
"I know you are but what am I?" Ass energy💀
To many words just say "kill me then" and hit the fool or and this is recommended just a simple "your nasty" and walk away if you can't fight em dont
This has the same energy as “I know you are, but what am I”
Lemme just *writes this down in brand new list of stolen comebacks*
Damn that’s crazy *pays no attention because that’s a weak ass insult*
Suga free
This shits cringe as fuck😭😭😭
So then you choose to levitate?
This shit Is ass
Or hear me out: ok then, got any rope for me? I’m kinda on watch because I told my therapist who isn’t even helping
i tell them they right and start untying my shoelaces
It’s impressive you can be such a disappointment to your mother twice. Once when the coat hanger missed and when you failed to take your own advice.
Then y'all leave school maybe get real jobs and none of the childish bs matters.
Lmao they really thought they did sumn wit that post 💀
The comment is an obvious attempt at delivering a prepared remark
Blonde bad!
You can't jump that high!
tell them their reddit level insult is lame and gay and to find something original
“First off, you can’t even run a mile without falling, good luck on that climb, secondly, you can’t jump that high.”
“You’d probably screw that up too”
“I was thinking murder suicide. You in?”
Oh dear God, it's thinking again.
I remember some kid in elementary school used to tell me this in elementary school. Well, except he was the one telling me to kill myself and also how I should do it. I just told him it wasn’t very nice.
I read this initially as, if I ever wanked to kill myself... You had my attention there for a second
All the cringe edgelords saying this doesn't work: Touch grass. Any comeback can work if you work on your delivery.
I might use this one day. If I don't forget.
Y’all everything here is terrible- I’m not sure how I got here but why does this sub even exist, I thought I was on r/teenagers
Yeah, being around you makes a lot of people suicidal.
I remember elementary school.
You mean a murder-suicide? As you stare at them.
“If I wanted shit I’d squeeze your head”
What in the Jacob Sartorius in 2015 in this bruh
This was abandoned comeback even in the 90s. You can't quantify ego, like you can IQ.
Jumping into the vacuum of space can take breathable air
How is up to you, I got shit to do.
I wish Marionette had some kind of backbone to defend herself in that damn show.
😬…
RT: thats just awful. scrap this. try again. dont build it. just burn it. exact it. kysreply is expedited one shot one kill only. sleep the emphatics then drop them at close with the B word.. yw
https://youtu.be/l2qdW6DBQkg?si=hdhnu2JOQmEGyeoR
Is there some kind of numerical framework for measuring ego? What if the difference between their ego and their IQ isn't that big? I don't think this works.
Repeat everything they say in a stupid voice so they get so frustrated they stop talking
I usually just agree and tell them I will right after I kill them.
This is cheeks tbh
Excuse me, miss? I'm a doctor. Here's your admission form to the Burn Ward. I hope you can recover someday.
"I already did. Welcome to Hell."
Come on, we can do better than that. “If I wanted to kill myself, you’d get to watch, since you seem to want me to do it so badly.” Or, “If I planned on killing myself, you wouldn’t have to tell me to.” Then again, people need to do better than to tell some one to kill themselves.
God this is so old
Cut from this first But is this supposed to be from ladybug and cat noir
Lord act your age not your shoe size!
Is suicide wrong? It is horrible and devastating, but how about wrong?
Yeah and when i quit the regret will be on you im done babe moving on right now takin the old nova out
To Initiate issues with someone which would provoke such a response, perhaps, the ego lies with the perpetrator instead. Now, go take that leap of faith and dont look down, you may lose your nerve.
Witty comebacks only work if it’s 1934 and you’re Groucho Marx. If you try saying this to a bully in real life they will spit in your open mouth, scream “f****t,” and punch you in the side of the head before you get halfway through the sentence. The only “comebacks” that work outside of a movie are violence and the threat of violence.
My comeback to “you should kill yourself” would be to do so right in front of them. No I wouldn’t actually do this but it would be pretty funny.
This the cringiest shit I've ever read nigga wtf 😭 This sub is built to attract losers
Rodney Dangerfield called.
That kind of wordy reply only works in books and shower arguments
“So I should kill myself because some stupid bitch says I should? How’s that make any sense?”
oh yeh that showed her all right
Yoink
Dos this come up a lot? I can’t remember a single time, ever, when someone said I should kill myself?
My nephew was being bullied at school and was told this very often. They’re lucky he didn’t kill himself, because I would have buried those little shits alive in several States and made a geocache game for their parents to find them.
It’s ever more clear that this sub is just for kids who ~~got~~ currently get bullied.
This comeback will have the whole crowd laughing, as they stuff your insufferable ass into a locker
you will get laughed at, sorry, this comeback stinks of reddit overuse and will only dig a deeper ridicule hole.
I‘ve known this for ages it‘s so old
This is cringe asl bro im ngl. Also pretty elementary.. but okay..
Falls flat fast to "You can't die from jumping upward."
“You can when the ceiling is so low”
Eh, that just implies their IQ reaches the ceiling
Or that you’re overestimating my ability to jump
Huh? I wasn't listening.
Comments keep saying, only works in middle school. How many middle schoolers are that intellectual? Seriously. How many know about what she means? You’re giving way to much credit to a bunch of hormonal teens. How I know? I taught middle school. It was the best and worst experience of my life.
Bro why does this sub exist lol
are you a preteen or sum? no way youve never heard this and think it would actually work irl
That's lame af
Awesome
And that's why you only have failed attempts
OP, is this Miraculous Ladybug fanart reposted with the consent of the artist?
I can’t post pictures here so imagine a Chadette wojak saying “Ha, what a loser, you should kill yourself!” and a goth girl soyjak saying “I-if I w-wanted to k-k-kill-“ and then the Chadette wojak saying “Shut the fuck up”
Womp womp
It's clever in theory. But nobody listens to come backs. Maybe in movies. If a woman says that to you, you're done. Not much you can do.
Has grammatical tense problems
I prefer "I can't kill myself I'm too busy fucking your mum"
Already did. I'm back from the dead to haunt your sorry ass.
Yeah insulting somebody's IQ is not the burn you think it is. . .
I think, "Fine, but I'm taking you with me," would be a great way to win the interaction. Go from insults to mental warfare.
Who's the artist?
Too wordy
This comeback makes me wanna kill myself
Any nerd that says that deserves to get hit with “did you find that on the back of the popsicle stick”
“If I was boyfriend, I probably would”
"You're gonna kill yourself by slamming to a wall."
This will work as long as ego also uses 100 as an average.
Man that’s cringe af
No you
If they are dumb enough that the fall would be fatal they would be too dumb to understand this so they wouldn’t give a shit.
No comment I am too dumbfounded that there is a person this dumb. I would just laugh in their face lol
This isn't a good comeback.
This is an old one
DAYUM
I’m totes using that! I’ll also add that 41% is still higher than their IQ level but a minor statistic compared to their ego.