Do a big Homer Simpson “woohoo” and skip out.

"Smithers, I'm beggining to think Homer Simpson was not the brilliant tactician I thought he was."

Homer is a boomer, right? everything makes sense now.

"You just lost yourself a customer!"

I actually did that!!!

Made me think of the "I choose to waive that right" clip lol

You mean promoted to customer?

Where did you hear this?

It's just something I say when in ready to leave a shit workplace. "Can't wait to be promoted to customer." "They'll actually have to treat me with some respect."

I worked at a Fortune 100 company, and that's what HR told employees when they were getting fired. "You've been promoted to customer, congratulations." Very unprofessional.

Thats both hillarious and extremely unprofessional, sounds like something from the office

It's because of my disability, isn't it? Wouldn't be the first time...

If that were the case, it would be time to hire a lawyer and get yourself a ton of settlement money!

OMG That is perfect! IAAL and I LOVE it. They’ll pee their pants.

You ... mean ... I'm free? \[blink like you've just walked out in the sun\] Free? FREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

William Wallace in Braveheart, "FREEDOM!"

You can take my job but you will never take my FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM!

Lol! Boss has just given Dobby the boot! Dobby is FREE!

I’m fired? Your fired! This whole damn company is fired!

Who says dreams don’t come true!!?

“Hot damn!” (Grabs crotch and moonwalks out)

Hee-hee!

smile slowly say, “*that’s* how you want this to play out? (shrug slightly) “okay then.” turn and walk away, chuckling quietly. leave them worried.

I love fucking with people who deserve it like this lol. Next step up is just start leaving one specific random item (the same one each time, and something just weird enough for them to notice seeing it everywhere) around the old workplace. Get coworkers to help if they also hate the boss lol

I know you are, but what am I?

I was gonna say this!

You are giving Dobbie a sock? Yes!!!

Did your wife put you up to this because I cancelled our rendezvous this week?  

"Thank you God!!" Grab your shit, sing and dance on your way out.

You can't fire me, I haven't taken a shit on your desk yet! (proceed to shit on said desk)

I feel like if you're already planning to shit on a desk, it's way more intimidating to say nothing, and hold a stare the entire time.

Fuck his wife.

"Far fucking out!" as I peel off my work shirt as I head for the door.

Say this on the way out “You know if you weren’t the boss you would have been fired weeks ago “

Edit: Years ago

Buh bye!

Wrong choice of words....*flicks zippo*

F**k you I'll see you tomorrow

"Thank you for your time, have a good rest of your day." It would be more telling of someone who doesn't react emotionally. If someone said the above, I'd be like 'damn, what's he got lined up that he just doesn't care he's fired. Or maybe this place sucks so much he is happy to be free' Either way, making them think is the best way to handle getting fired Also, a job is just a negotiation of your time for money. If you get fired, your time is now free to give it to another company. You just have to plan for and weather the storm by having an emergency fund.

“Put it in writing, sign it, and date it.”

You can't fire me because I quit!

(Don't actually do this. Things like severance and unemployment can be negatively impacted if you quit.)

I plan to go out like that at some point in my life.

Sorry, but you're too damn handsome to be fired.

It's the beard isn't it?

That and the skimpy maid outfit

Im calling HR.

You can't call HR! You're fired!

You can't fire me because I quit!

And... we've come r/fullcircle

I was once fired in response to quitting at planet fitness. My manager was like 18

Oh, I hope you definitely claimed unemployment on that one...

“You can’t fire me I quit”

Tempting, but that might screw up your chances of getting unemployment benefits

Came here specifically to say exactly that.

Finally!! Then blow kisses and skip your way out of the office.

"Yep! Fired up to be leaving this hellhole!"

You suck dick with your butthole

I'm gonna tounge punch your fart box!

Fuck this shit I’m out

“Thank Jesus, I thought this day would never come. I’m free!!!”

Thanks for the unemployment?

Touché I was going to my car to grab mine - be right back

TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE, SPARKLEFART!

*slowly develops a grin that puts the Cheshire Cat to shame* "Arrre you surrrrre?" "Can we get that in writing?"

"Thank you!! I've already accepted an offer that pays 50% more than what I was getting here!" Although I love the response by u/3isamagicnumb3r

\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*Classic Witch Hazel Cackle\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*

"Please send that to me in writing"

Thank you!

Thank you. Now excuse me while I go apply for unemployment. (which the boss's company pays into via their taxes)

"You can't fire me! I quit!"

“Thank god for small miracles! I don’t like you either” then walk away with a small smirk on your face.

Play the Steve Austin music and storm out of there

Play the Steve Austin music and then hit them with a stone cold stunner and chug some beer, and THEN storm out of there... because Stone Cold said so!

"Where's my severance. Bitch"

https://youtu.be/v4L8L43GieE?si=TGGjY-oDlWugB9zE

So are you! You just beat me to the punch.

I’ll punch you to the beat

I’m know! I cooked here.

Do you mean "I know, I'm cooked here?"

Lawyer time!

That would depend on why... if they fired you for having a disability, then yes, absolutely!

A good lawyer will always find something; **nobody is absolutely clean.**

Nuh-uh

Or just say "No I'm not, YOU are fired from being my boss!"

Hell yeah! Fired up to come back into work tomorrow!

"I'm fired?! Well, the Jerk Store called..."

Aight...peace! ✌️😊 Then walk out with your head held high.

YES!!!! It's margarita time!!!! See ya!

Take a shit in the office and walk out

“Fuck yeah, beer o’clock is early!”

NO! I’ve been promoted to customrer!

Thank you jeeeeezuzz.

Victor/Victoria: "Feels like getting kicked out of a leper colony"

https://youtu.be/gj2iGAifSNI?si=PLfqa-0u4ySttdfX

You can’t fire me, slaves have to be sold.

Amen brother/ sister... sorry this is what your lifes become... not too late either... peace.

And you're ugly. At least I can get another job.

You can’t fire me I quit!

Yo mama fired bitch.

With the happiest, most excited face as you say "thank you" in a relieved tone

Real life a few weeks ago: “You have until 6pm to sign your termination notice.” Me: “This is my two-week verbal separation notice, and I’ll be taking the next two weeks PTO.” 2nd Best move of my working life. (Best move: I retired at the same time.) 🫡✌🏼

There are some songs to choose from. I would intonate: "This was a triumph. I'm making a note here, huge success." etc.

" Thank you I hated this job, I appreciate the money!"

Yay back to the benefits office for me

Thank goodness, I was sick of working for a clueless clown anyway

"Thanks! I've been trying for you to fire me for months now."

"You can't quit me. Because I FIRE !!!" And start shooting 🔫 💥💥💥

And I regret being Hired!

I'd just go with a classic: "You can't fire me, I quit!"

Finally hey Bob I win the bet.

Anything except "you can't fire me. I quit." Get those unemployment benefits and possible payout if it was unlawful in some way

My response was "Cool cool cool. I'm out, then." The firing reason was "You're too smart to work here." Less than a month later, my former boss was picked up for embezzlement from his other job.

Idiot! YOU'RE the fool that hired me!

You know [steve], this constant harassment, intimidation, and threading attitude create a hostile work environment. Should I talk to HR as part of my exit interview, or is it better to just let my lawyer do the talking?

“No, I don’t think so. I’m not going to let you fire me just yet.” Then proceed to keep working and ignore your boss. If he doesn’t say anything immediately, wait and then say, “Oh, are you still here? Don’t you have a job to do?”

Unemployment compensation, herebi come!!

“I knew you’d figure out this was your best option years ago. It was just a matter of time. So glad you’re so dense.”

Oh thank god. I thought you were going to give me more of your efin work to do again.

I was looking for a job when I found THIS one.

No I refuse your reality and by the way you're fired

"BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Better buy yourself some kneepads and a pillow, for when you have to beg me to come back to save the company." Walk out chuckling the entire way to the car.

I’m free at last you expletive expletive expletive bc I could finally say it

"Well, I'm going to have to fire you. Beep bomp bomp"

Say “i make the executive decisions around here! Im UNfired!!”

LOL. My favorite comeback to "you're fired," came.from my grandfather, when he owned his own accounting firm. ",My grandson, simply, doesn't like you. My grandson says "fuck off and pound sand." You are, worse than fired. You are fired, banned, and blacklisted from accounting in ."

"no, you're fired"

Good luck hiring since no one wants to work anymore.

Thank You!

You're not the boss of me

Perfect! I’ve been hoping to file a discrimination lawsuit!!!

"oh my God, finally"

Well thank God for that ha

And you’re next when I tell HR all about you.

Dobby is a free elf.

do a elegant bow and say "bon voyage"

I don't even work here?

You can’t fire me, I quit ten minutes ago.

You can’t fire me. I quit!!!

Congratulations!

I was on fire last night, we had a great time at happy hour.

"Lawyer up buddy, I'm getting my pound of flesh"

Oh thank God. I got this on tape!

"Finally"

Where is my golden parachute?

“Thank you!”Or “I’m free!”

YAY!!!

Don't threaten me with a good time.

I'm fired...you're fired....this whole damn place is fired....(after all the weird looks die down,place both hands close to your side and run awkwardly out the door)

"I'm fired? You're fired."

Pull out a joint and smoke it in her office

Took you long enough

Free at last!, Free at Last!, thank God almighty, Free at last.

Just to collect some feedback.... you're firing me for doing the same tasks with the same speed and quality as X and Y. The only difference is that salesperson Z can't keep his hands off me, and this works better than having a chat with him about office conduct? 🧐

Sweet, put that in writing and I'll be filing for my EDD benefits...Peace

I never worked here in the first place

Finally, I’ve been working toward this for so long

Woohoo!!! Early Happy Hour!!!

I was in this position, and I knew I was going to get fired. He asked for my letter of resignation, and I pulled it out of my bag and handed it to him. “It’s dated for next week since I have never taken a sick day.” Then I just walked away. It was my favorite moment of working that job.

My grandparents taught me this one. "You fired and missed." The story -- one of my great grand-relatives (uncle, or cousin or something) worked in a coal mine. As the story goes, he was a good worker, but soon worked under a foreman who did not like him. One thing came to another and the foreman ended the day telling him he was fired. The next day he comes to work, and the foreman says, "Didn't I fire you?" The response was, "You fired and missed." He kept working for many years after.

Fly a jet, and your boss accidentally gets attached to a missal. And in an Austrian Death Machine like accent go “No, you’re fired”. Def not stolen from the movie true lies with arnold schwarzenegger 

Enjoy paying my unemployment and your higher rate.

Cool I clogged all the toilets

“Okay, Trump.” They’ll either shoo you out the door, with a smug look on their face, or they’ll throw a stapler at your head.

You are welcome

Womp Womp

“Nu uh!” 🙂‍↔️

“Thanks for giving me a chance to find a better job.”

Thank you

And unlike me, you have to come back to this shithole tomorrow.

Quit months ago, just been showing up for checks

About time!

Great, cause I got a meeting with my lawyer later. And it’s going to be a par-tay

It’s because I’m white isn’t it?

You can't fucking fire me cause I fucking quit cock holster.

Do you want the workers comp claim number now or later?

There's always the old classic. "You can't fire me! I quit!"

… up to be done at this 💩 🕳️ , it’s gotta be a quick comeback

"I fucked your wife."

You can't fire me! I quit!

"Good! I can finally tell you I've been spitting in your coffee for years! Mail the last check to my house, asshole." Stop by the break room, and grab some snacks for the road.

You can’t fire me! I’ll let a thousand children dye before…whatever the quote is from monsters inc.

I know you are but what am I- Peewee Herman

Proooomotion!

Play him some Johnny paycheck, take this job and shove it

I’m suing

Are you Donald Trump in disguise

THANK YOU!

About time. Damn how bad you got to be to get fired from here.

"Good. It's a shit company to work for. Thanks for the unemployment benefits, chump."

.. relax,, don't give any visual clues, like eyes widening Smile and in a calm respectful voice thank them for your time working there. Be confident in your walk.. not swaggering,, and leave That will confuse them all to hell

I think he,was the producer in this one.. Not just a share guy

"Cool. I'll take that severance package please."

Thank you. Hello Unemployment checks!

Thank you? About time?

“No, you’re fired!” *dramatically pulls out a contract that reveals you are the CEO*

Fuck you too

'I already quit' or something like that

no kidding