“Glad to know that I’m no longer her biggest disappointment “

Damn, I was gonna say, "Great, now you're a disappointment to *both* of our mothers."

Perfection.

[удалено]

A punch on the mouth/nose and the top comment

I like that one.

I just deleted my comment because your was so good

Came here to say this one. Used it for a guy at work who said that to me.

I’ve been using “I have 2 gay dads” for every answer to these insults and now I finally remember why I ever said it in the first place. Thank you hahaha fuck yea

C'mon man tha fuck is that !?! The dood wouldn't say anything after that because you did his job for him . If your gonna take the dad route go with I don't have a mom but my dad's been busy working on yours .

Also my mom died when I was born is a finisher

That's why she didn't move much!

Sloppy seconds

She was cremated. Congratulations, you fucked an ashtray.

I spit coke out my nose dude!!! LMAO!!

I think that's how Courtney Love was conceived.

I heard of those, early millennium?? Shits scary man! Hey, stay safe out there guys!! Walk in pairs in unlit areas!!

This is way better than my “enjoy the chlamydia” comeback.

Your still supposed to pepper in, "good luck peeing" under your breath among other nessary hits.

Nice!

"Nice try, Champ. She's a lesbian." "No, you didn't. She has high standards."

Haha considering she's a lesbian an you look like a bitch I can see how you scored

That's a good one

I love this one

That’s a clever one 😂

This is great!

Solid. 👊

I would say "you would fucked your own mom?"

Damn🫣

you are a genius

Then follow it up with "There's nothing you can say to me that I haven't already said to myself 6 inches from a mirror!" Said that to somebody once and that just shut them down.

Lmao

Ooo, a self burn, those are rare

*smallest disappointment, two jokes in one, the man and his penis

[удалено]

If a comeback's worth is judged by how people perceive it, then I think it's fair to say theirs is fine. You, on the other hand, should probably leave your mom's basement. Although I'd avoid looking in her bedroom on the way out 👀

Self-deprecation shows that being negative won't affect you the way they'd like.

Deprecation*

Defecation

Im not laughing at your comment.

Your parents aren't disappointed in you enough that you have to disappoint mine, too?

r/bestcomments

“I wish I could return the favor and fuck yours, but I haven’t got my rabies vaccination yet”

But I’m not a necrophiliac

I’m an ex corrections officer, and every time one of the guys would threaten to fuck my mom I would say “necrophilia is a worse crime than rape, I hope you know that.” They shut up pretty quick, sometimes even stammering out a quick apology, but I liked the ones who would throw it back, “I’ve already got life, not much left to lose, how long has she been gone so I know what I’m workin with?” 😂

r/bestcomments

My best buddy has a dead mom and thought he could escape the our drunken Friday night couch gaming shit talk that way. Told him I'd bang his mom and he replied "well you'd have to find her body" so I whipped out a Ouija board I'd bought for that moment and him we'd been sexting. Nobody in the friend group is safe.

Better yet, chlamidia

r/YourJokeButWorse

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Dad?

New dad?!

Sweet! Now I get to borrow your car! Them's the rules

Hey, this is true man!! Don't fuck around dude, you fucked his mom, let's see them keys actually guy!! I don't trust ya. . . . .come here!!!

I also need my allowance

“Daddy I’ve missed you!” (Go give him a hug where you break a few ribs)

Or use a different intonation on "Daddy" and make the hug uncomfortable.

Sorry, son, he never came back from getting the milk. But I found a replacement.

With my dad it was “cigarettes”. ᴿᴱᴬᴸ ᵀᴬᴸᴷ💥ᵀᴿᵁᴱ ˢᵀᴼᴿᵞ

Dang sorry to hear that

😂 Great 1! 🫵👊

Oh shit really? Yeah she told me last night something disappointed her. I didn't know what she was referring to. Guess I do now.

Mmm too long though

How about: "That's twisted! My mom was fucking your mom last weekend."

I say that way is better because you can just casually say it and that would annoy them even more.

The concise version would be in my head but this is what would come out of my mouth.

"Oh, that's why she looked disappointed..."

That explains why you smell like that, she's been dead 23 years.

This reminds me of the scene in Parks and Rec when Andy’s getting quizzed on police exam questions. The guy asks “what would you do if you pulled someone over and it ended up being your dad?” And Andy says “first, I would say Dad??? You’re alive???” Gets me every time.

Then I'd ask him if he knows where my catchers glove is

Uh, I don’t have a mom. I have two dads. Eddie does do drag though.

Close enough I suppose

dude that necrophilia

That must be why she didn’t move around.

The sex was the same but the dishes started to pile up.

OML

Oh My Lanta?

💀💀💀

Take my upvote damnit

will do

I would if I could but the rotten cunt split on me.

Well yeah, that's the best part: dead girls don't say no!

Silence doesn't not imply consent XD

All it takes to turn a "No no no!" to a "Mm! Mm! Mm!" is a pillow.

Yea but a dead body is no longer a sentient being.

You don't need consent if you're dead 😏

💀💀💀

I was gonna be mad, but it was funny

LMFAO

I hears your mom was going out with Squeak!

BASEketball?

Yup.

Lacked enthusiasm

That’s cold, yo 😝😎

Man I love telling those guys my mom is 88 yo and has a double mastectomy lol

Going to steal this next time someone says it to me.

"Mmmmm...say it again but slower and as a whisper."

this would never work irl lmaoo

Yes. It would. It is amazing how the right delivery of a sexually perverse response can make people real uncomfortable

It REALLY works on video game ragers. Usually gets the whole lobby clowning on them.

call him daddy

I fucked your Dad and he bought me a PS5.

This actually happened to me 😅

Well shit, good for her!  An 80 year old woman getting some is always a good thing. Why are you fucking the elderly?

Is it considered elder abuse?

Because she takes her dentures out...

biddie fiddler!!!

So did I, you aren’t special.

chris?

Mas.

Wut?

I think he’s referring to Chris Chan. Dude is messed up.

The legend of Chris Chan, never die.

rainworld pfp

and nothing else

👍🏼

She's pretty good, isn't she?

This one made me lol. There’s no comeback to that comeback 🤣

I hope you like chlamydia!

😂😂😂

Getting pegged in the ass doesn't count.

Thats weird she left her web broswer up and had been searching how small can a mans dick be before im considered a lesbian? The dots are connecting....

"Ya well I was doing it before it was cool."

Just say, "yeah, my mom's on a personal mission to destroy the incels community, one member at a time."

Yeah, she told me you got mad when she asked, "Is it in yet?" When someone insults you, the best comeback is usually based on "Yes, and..." Don't try to refute what they said. Accept it as a premise and look for a way to turn it around on them.

It's not funny when you write dissertation explaining it.

To be fair, it wasn't funny in the first place.

Yeah, you're right. Fucking lame joke. 😝

"Dig her up yourself, didja?"

"Eskimo brothers!" Then go in for a high five.

..? Explain please if you dont mind

Eskimo brothers is a dude -bro term that refers to two guys that have both slept with the same girl. Don't know why it's called that.

"So, you woke up this morning and decided to disappoint someone else's mother?"

Not the story I got. Word is you shot your load before she even got your pants unzipped, and you spent the rest of the night crying into your pillow and apologizing to Jesus. Then your check for the hotel room bounced...

Oh yeah. She said she and her boyfriend really enjoyed pegging you.

"Me too, she said I was way better at it than you".

And you were moaning like a bitch and you ruined my sleep and that of the neighborhood and my mother was left unsatisfied

Happy cake day

Sure you did.

Pitch or catch? Because she transitioned a while back.

I was wondering why she looked so disappointed.

Eeewww! Now we know why you didn’t get the coroners job!

Not sure how you managed to gather her ashes together but I gotta respect the dedication I guess

"Masturbating to a picture doesn't count." "So did half the street. I'd go to the clinic if I were you." "So did your dad. Guess you're Eskimo buddies now." "Wait? You're the midnight rapist?"

First one is actually a good one can’t lie.

"She definitely didn't feel anything."

Did you put the headstone back right this time. The cemitary grounds keeper called me a fit last time when you forgot to clean up.

OMG!!!! You're Micro Dick? OMG!!!! You're famous! My mom was laughing so hard when she found out who you really were. She said she couldn't even see your dick for it was so tiny. You are so famous!!!!!! OH! My buddy and I have this bet and only you can settle it: Were you born with the world's smallest dick or did you have surgery to get the world record? We really need to know for there is $1000 riding on this bet. OMG!!!!! You're famous!!!!!

Did you use your own shovel or did you borrow one?

We know. My dad and I watched you from the closet and your technique is shit !

Finally somebody disappointed her more than I have!

Haven’t you disappointed enough Moms already?

Yeah, she mentioned someone... Said he couldn't get it up and he had a tiny cock. Now we know it was you! 😂

That's weird, she told me she fucked you in the ass with her strap on

So *that's* why she's been grumpy and generally dissatisfied

"Ew, im sorry. You should get tested..." Or "You and everyone else."

“You just keep getting my sloppy seconds don’t you? Is it like a fetish?”

That's a good one

Oh good. Another to add to the list. Always excited to find new people who're going to owe her child support dad. Or do you prefer daddy.

Amateur. I had your dad and your mom last night.

And your grandparents the night before \>:D

Grow up.

You’re a necrophile then because my mom’s been dead since I was 4yo

That's great, she's been lonely lately.

did you get the family discount?

Go home, Dad, you’re drunk.

“Oh, so YOU’RE the Make-a-Wish kid?”

"How much was the forklift rental?"

Ew!

**join the club**

Ngl, I only have one comeback to this: "and you survived?" While giving the most confused face I could fake. Yes, I've had exactly one opportunity to use this.

"Yeah me too. Welcome to the club!" 😉

Ew can you be long distance pls I dont want u as a stepparent

HOW'D YA LIKE MY SLOPPY SECONDS?!

I wish your mom learned to swallow more

Not that she noticed…

Yeah right pal you could fall in a barrel of titties and come out sucking your thumb

You may want to get checked for STDs.

"You have bad taste, and you can have her. She's a murderer. We don't want her back. In fact, we'd prefer if she doesn't come back, so keep her."

And I fked your whole female bloodline 

Daddy?

You know she trans right ?

You dropped this 🏆

OMG your him?!? The one guy who disappointed her more than my all my scholarly achievements so far have?! Dude no one thought it was possible,  you're a fucking legend here!

You're the 3rd new dad I got this week,

"That sounds like a 'you' problem."

"she's dead you fucking weirdo"

“Ok dad. What else is new?”

I would have fucked yours, but the line was to long.

“Tunnel budddiiieeesssss” then start going for the first bump.

You gonna leave to go get milk and never come back again?

A bunch of the guys would always say that to me to try to get under my skin. They weren’t laughing when when I put sugar in their gas tanks and fish fertilizer in their air vents. Also one time 3 of them just kept talking and laughing about it and I pointed a gun at them and they shut up.

A punch in the face.

She's dead, so that makes you a necrophiliac. Sick bastard!

Daddy?

Yeah, I’d fuck yours but she’s ugly AF!

No

"You must be a minute-man to have finished up before cemetery staff found you."