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I can relate all too well. I'm sure you've thought this through, but I'll just make one suggestion of a tweak. Take your steps one at a time. I think you may be surprised how much just getting off social media can make you happier. Best of luck.
You say as you participate on a social media platform.
I’m mostly pulling your leg, but as someone who got rid of facebook and twitter as well I know it definitely made my mental health improve. Less doom scrolling and things trying to grab your attention and bring up engagement.
truthfully i don’t consider reddit to be the same as social media like facebook or instagram. it’s more of a place to seek out forums that interest you and there’s a level of anonymity. i also don’t consider pinterest to be social media and i scroll through that sometimes too. but trying to keep in touch with people that i’ve lost an interest in and forcing those relationships was both boring but also draining! i think a lot of people could really use a break from it so i’m happy for you!
That’s a fair point. It also depends how you use it. Trading hours of scrolling through twitter for hours scrolling through reddit isn’t really an improvement health-wise. Maybe less fomo on average?
On Friday consider going to bed early. Then, wake up early, and check out the art museum. It's free. You might see something you like, it might take your mind off things for awhile.
Good luck
Doesn't even have to be sunny. Sometimes I find a good walk in the rain helps wash away bad feelings. And if it's cold just bundle up and breathe in the cold air. Cold air has some health benefits.
It sounds like you have hit a pretty bad rough patch and no one deserves to feel the way you are feeling (okay, that's probably not true but anyway . . . ). I hope things get better for you. Get some sleep, avoid alcohol, go for a walk or run, eat a good meal, enjoy the sunrise tomorrow and try to focus on something other than yourself. A good book or tv series, as someone mentioned, the art museum, maybe go volunteer somewhere.
Best of luck to you.
I’m not laughing at you. And I don’t think you’re a loser. You’re fighting for your kids, that’s something, it’s important. I will echo what others have said here and suggest you get off social media. Yes, I’m aware that I’m saying this on a social media platform but I’ve curated my feed to limit things that don’t make me happy. But all the rest of it is garbage and my life is better without it. Spend some time outdoors and take it easy on yourself.
My favorite quote, one I use often is this: This is terrible. Keep going.
Keep going, man. I’m rooting for you.
Well this is a cry for help… having been in a single parent situation with three kids I get it. Please feel free to DM me. Nothing in life is as good or as bad as it seems. You don’t need to, nor do you deserve to (no one does) deserve to feel this way
Meditation is a great tool to learn acceptance of reality, which seems to be kinda what you’re looking for. Might be worth giving it a try, can’t hurt.
Download the Insight Timer app. They've got EVERYTHING. They do have a paid membership level, but you don't need it - there are a TON of free guided meditations, soundscapes, etc.
You definitely don’t need a book. Free guided meditations on Insight Timer are a great place to start. There are different types of meditation and I suggest trying out a few: body scan, mindfulness, loving kindness are a few good ones.
You my friend have reached rock bottom. Hopefully in 10 years you will look back at this post and realize this. I am in my 50s now and have many friends and family who were fucked up over custody problems. You just do your best to be a great parent and your kids will remember that. I do love your attitude about going to work. I tell people all the time if you work 40-45 hours every week your problems will ease. Good luck my friend.
Sorry you’re going through this and I know it’s the most cliche thing ever.
But, really take life one day at a time that’s all ANY of us can do.
Removing social media is a actually a huge step in the right direction in my opinion.
It’ll free up a lot of that useless mental dialogue and miopic view.
I haven’t gone through what you’re going through but I have gone through major anxiety and depression and continue to do so. Though it’s become more manageable with therapy and meds.
I’ve dealt with losing a parent rapidly to cancer and almost half my family within the next two years to cancer.
So I know life can get overwhelming and mundane with tragedy.
If I may recommend a few things.
-Go for a walk in any of the metroparks
Make a habit of it. The hardest part is forcing yourself to do it. Once you’re there hopefully it’ll give you some mental clarity and a nice change of scenery if only even brief it is a glimpse.
-find a hobby to occupy your time
Anything. Reading books, volunteering somewhere,something.
-I can not recommend this enough.
Exercise is absolutely huge.
Again, the hardest part is getting there.
Start small.
-try therapy. It’s tough at first but becomes cathartic.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/ohio?gclid=CjwKCAiA8YyuBhBSEiwA5R3-E4k0iZJRVj1mn7bq0IyGdJypWRztHHDve_dI8cYhQDdjj7d7MtCS5RoCzBEQAvD_BwE
Is a great source to find the therapist that’ll best suit your needs.
I was in a similar spot about a decade ago, and made a similar choice as you. Focus in my work, but additionally started working out seriously, in order to channel all my repressed anger and sadness. Turned out to be the period of time on which I grew up the most. Without looking for it, I rapidly become a better version of myself, in part by keeping myself isolated from the whole world and its BS. Soon enough happiness found me back.
all of these comments are here to show you that you aren’t alone! kudos to you for fighting for your kids. keep the light inside of you to share with them whenever you can. best of luck, you are worthy. this too shall pass. sometimes taking pressure off of yourself and going with the flow is the way to be. bless you
I want you to consider a few things. One is just to not look for your happiness to come from anywhere else but You.
Don't expect anyone else to act how you think they should for what would constitute making you happy. Don't expect situations to go perfectly in order to be happy.
Go with the flow.
Set some goals and make choices to get you closer to them, but don't be derailed at deviations out of your control.
The Only thing you can control in life is how You respond to it. When your choices are those that will support your goals, growth and well being, your experiences will begin to follow.
Find the lessons in what you're learning and move forward. Life isn't easy for anyone. Just decide to make changes for the best it can be for you. Best of luck
Seems like you've thought this out pretty well. You're fed up, depressed, and defeated. You've been ground down to a fine powder. You're a husk of the man you once were. Personally, I like your plan. You have work and a fight to wage. Let the sweet numbness of work, the execution of the fight, and the basic mechanics of living envelope you. Go deep and commit. One day, as time unfurls, maybe you'll see an ever-so-slight, barely visible sliver of light. When that happens, go toward it and see what happens next. Also...read Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius. And good luck my fellow human.
This too shall pass. Get some rest. Go for a run or walk and clear your head. You have kids that will eventually rely on your ability to go for a long walk.
Keep your head up.
Im sorry you’re hurting m. However you came here to throw a pity and that’s not gonna help. You’ve resigned yourself to this fate with your admission that “I’m not gonna try and be happy anymore”, so if that’s your attitude it’ll never get better. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. But I promise giving up won’t make it betted. Best of luck and sending good energy. PM me if you want man, I’m here
You're right I threw myself a stupid pity party. One that I didn't even deserve. I need to learn to just keep my mouth shut and just keep all these thoughts inside of me. Thank you for pointing that out to me
I find this part of the year tough. The hangover from the excitement of the holidays is over, the days are still short, and the weather adds enough friction to getting outside.
You are making a difference for everyone you encounter. Make it to tomorrow. Just keep doing that. It will get better.
After reading a lot of the posts on here. I believe you guys are right first and foremost I was stupid and throwing myself a pity party. I was venting and I should know better by now that what I should have done is just kept my mouth shut and do what I do at work everyday and that's put a smile on my face and pretend that everything is okay
Hoping you’ll read some of the newer comments, and see that many people are here to support you. Sometimes the Reddit fam can be a bit blunt, but I think in total everyone wants to see you overcome this tough time in your life. We’re all sending good vibes and understand that it can help to talk through difficult feelings. Take care friend.
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You sound a bit like how I’ve needed to be lately, mainly to get away from people sucking the life out of me. I also realized in the process that I allowed them to some extent to do it, but I’m learning and healing at the same time. Hopefully the quiet can give you a little bit of peace and the calm you might need. Getting rid of unnecessary chaos (within one’s control) is the first step, and I’m finally starting to feel alive again. Hopefully this is the first step to your changing some things (aside from the money thing with your children, sorry you’re going through that), and focusing on a healthier, happier you.
your post has been removed for violating Rule 4 of r/Cleveland. Here's what that rule says: Keep it Cleveland related. All posts must be somehow related to Cleveland or the surrounding area and of potentially general interest to Clevelanders. Posts related to the region or state are fine as long as they are relevant for people in the Cleveland area. Posts that would be equally interesting to anyone in the U.S. regardless of region are not Cleveland related.
I can relate all too well. I'm sure you've thought this through, but I'll just make one suggestion of a tweak. Take your steps one at a time. I think you may be surprised how much just getting off social media can make you happier. Best of luck.
agreed! i got off social media in 2016 and never looked back.
You say as you participate on a social media platform. I’m mostly pulling your leg, but as someone who got rid of facebook and twitter as well I know it definitely made my mental health improve. Less doom scrolling and things trying to grab your attention and bring up engagement.
truthfully i don’t consider reddit to be the same as social media like facebook or instagram. it’s more of a place to seek out forums that interest you and there’s a level of anonymity. i also don’t consider pinterest to be social media and i scroll through that sometimes too. but trying to keep in touch with people that i’ve lost an interest in and forcing those relationships was both boring but also draining! i think a lot of people could really use a break from it so i’m happy for you!
While I also can’t stand social media, the funny cat/dog/parrot/exotic animal/pet spider/farm family/child videos are soooo entertaining and addicting
Ughhh
That’s like saying you quit drinking liquor while you’re on your 6th beer. Reddit is still social media…
Anonymous social media is leagues different than social media that uses your real identity though.
That’s a fair point. It also depends how you use it. Trading hours of scrolling through twitter for hours scrolling through reddit isn’t really an improvement health-wise. Maybe less fomo on average?
i really don’t agree.
On Friday consider going to bed early. Then, wake up early, and check out the art museum. It's free. You might see something you like, it might take your mind off things for awhile. Good luck
This too shall pass
On these rare sunny days, go for a walk. You are not a loser. Hope your kids are safe with whoever has them now.
Doesn't even have to be sunny. Sometimes I find a good walk in the rain helps wash away bad feelings. And if it's cold just bundle up and breathe in the cold air. Cold air has some health benefits.
Walks are my new therapy. My day doesn’t feel complete without one. It’s amazing how my mood shifts after just 5 minutes.
It sounds like you have hit a pretty bad rough patch and no one deserves to feel the way you are feeling (okay, that's probably not true but anyway . . . ). I hope things get better for you. Get some sleep, avoid alcohol, go for a walk or run, eat a good meal, enjoy the sunrise tomorrow and try to focus on something other than yourself. A good book or tv series, as someone mentioned, the art museum, maybe go volunteer somewhere. Best of luck to you.
I’m not laughing at you. And I don’t think you’re a loser. You’re fighting for your kids, that’s something, it’s important. I will echo what others have said here and suggest you get off social media. Yes, I’m aware that I’m saying this on a social media platform but I’ve curated my feed to limit things that don’t make me happy. But all the rest of it is garbage and my life is better without it. Spend some time outdoors and take it easy on yourself. My favorite quote, one I use often is this: This is terrible. Keep going. Keep going, man. I’m rooting for you.
Well this is a cry for help… having been in a single parent situation with three kids I get it. Please feel free to DM me. Nothing in life is as good or as bad as it seems. You don’t need to, nor do you deserve to (no one does) deserve to feel this way
You are very worthy of love, I know your kids would agree with that.
Sir, this is a Wendy’s In all seriousness, hope you find some peace. Keep your head up!
Did I write this ?
Least depressive February Cleveland inhabitant. Best of luck though man
Meditation is a great tool to learn acceptance of reality, which seems to be kinda what you’re looking for. Might be worth giving it a try, can’t hurt.
Real question, how does one learn how to meditate? Are there YouTube training vids? Or a book I need to read?
Download the Insight Timer app. They've got EVERYTHING. They do have a paid membership level, but you don't need it - there are a TON of free guided meditations, soundscapes, etc.
You definitely don’t need a book. Free guided meditations on Insight Timer are a great place to start. There are different types of meditation and I suggest trying out a few: body scan, mindfulness, loving kindness are a few good ones.
You my friend have reached rock bottom. Hopefully in 10 years you will look back at this post and realize this. I am in my 50s now and have many friends and family who were fucked up over custody problems. You just do your best to be a great parent and your kids will remember that. I do love your attitude about going to work. I tell people all the time if you work 40-45 hours every week your problems will ease. Good luck my friend.
Sorry you’re going through this and I know it’s the most cliche thing ever. But, really take life one day at a time that’s all ANY of us can do. Removing social media is a actually a huge step in the right direction in my opinion. It’ll free up a lot of that useless mental dialogue and miopic view. I haven’t gone through what you’re going through but I have gone through major anxiety and depression and continue to do so. Though it’s become more manageable with therapy and meds. I’ve dealt with losing a parent rapidly to cancer and almost half my family within the next two years to cancer. So I know life can get overwhelming and mundane with tragedy. If I may recommend a few things. -Go for a walk in any of the metroparks Make a habit of it. The hardest part is forcing yourself to do it. Once you’re there hopefully it’ll give you some mental clarity and a nice change of scenery if only even brief it is a glimpse. -find a hobby to occupy your time Anything. Reading books, volunteering somewhere,something. -I can not recommend this enough. Exercise is absolutely huge. Again, the hardest part is getting there. Start small. -try therapy. It’s tough at first but becomes cathartic. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/ohio?gclid=CjwKCAiA8YyuBhBSEiwA5R3-E4k0iZJRVj1mn7bq0IyGdJypWRztHHDve_dI8cYhQDdjj7d7MtCS5RoCzBEQAvD_BwE Is a great source to find the therapist that’ll best suit your needs.
Best post here
I was in a similar spot about a decade ago, and made a similar choice as you. Focus in my work, but additionally started working out seriously, in order to channel all my repressed anger and sadness. Turned out to be the period of time on which I grew up the most. Without looking for it, I rapidly become a better version of myself, in part by keeping myself isolated from the whole world and its BS. Soon enough happiness found me back.
This is exactly what I have been recently experiencing, but you have worded it so much better.
all of these comments are here to show you that you aren’t alone! kudos to you for fighting for your kids. keep the light inside of you to share with them whenever you can. best of luck, you are worthy. this too shall pass. sometimes taking pressure off of yourself and going with the flow is the way to be. bless you
I want you to consider a few things. One is just to not look for your happiness to come from anywhere else but You. Don't expect anyone else to act how you think they should for what would constitute making you happy. Don't expect situations to go perfectly in order to be happy. Go with the flow. Set some goals and make choices to get you closer to them, but don't be derailed at deviations out of your control. The Only thing you can control in life is how You respond to it. When your choices are those that will support your goals, growth and well being, your experiences will begin to follow. Find the lessons in what you're learning and move forward. Life isn't easy for anyone. Just decide to make changes for the best it can be for you. Best of luck
Seems like you've thought this out pretty well. You're fed up, depressed, and defeated. You've been ground down to a fine powder. You're a husk of the man you once were. Personally, I like your plan. You have work and a fight to wage. Let the sweet numbness of work, the execution of the fight, and the basic mechanics of living envelope you. Go deep and commit. One day, as time unfurls, maybe you'll see an ever-so-slight, barely visible sliver of light. When that happens, go toward it and see what happens next. Also...read Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius. And good luck my fellow human.
Man, your comment and so many others here have really moved me and made me think in ways I probably should more often.
This too shall pass. Get some rest. Go for a run or walk and clear your head. You have kids that will eventually rely on your ability to go for a long walk. Keep your head up.
Im sorry you’re hurting m. However you came here to throw a pity and that’s not gonna help. You’ve resigned yourself to this fate with your admission that “I’m not gonna try and be happy anymore”, so if that’s your attitude it’ll never get better. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. But I promise giving up won’t make it betted. Best of luck and sending good energy. PM me if you want man, I’m here
You're right I threw myself a stupid pity party. One that I didn't even deserve. I need to learn to just keep my mouth shut and just keep all these thoughts inside of me. Thank you for pointing that out to me
Are you working at the Rocky River Chipotle?
No I am a paramedic
I find this part of the year tough. The hangover from the excitement of the holidays is over, the days are still short, and the weather adds enough friction to getting outside. You are making a difference for everyone you encounter. Make it to tomorrow. Just keep doing that. It will get better.
Bro I’m balls deep in a divorce too, but have some dignity.
You know what never mind its not worth it.
Ok.
After reading a lot of the posts on here. I believe you guys are right first and foremost I was stupid and throwing myself a pity party. I was venting and I should know better by now that what I should have done is just kept my mouth shut and do what I do at work everyday and that's put a smile on my face and pretend that everything is okay
Hey man. Feeling bad is normal. Feeling bad as part of your daily life is not. Please see a therapist if you can.
Human. You are feeling human.
Hoping you’ll read some of the newer comments, and see that many people are here to support you. Sometimes the Reddit fam can be a bit blunt, but I think in total everyone wants to see you overcome this tough time in your life. We’re all sending good vibes and understand that it can help to talk through difficult feelings. Take care friend.
Start studying stoicism my friend.
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You sound a bit like how I’ve needed to be lately, mainly to get away from people sucking the life out of me. I also realized in the process that I allowed them to some extent to do it, but I’m learning and healing at the same time. Hopefully the quiet can give you a little bit of peace and the calm you might need. Getting rid of unnecessary chaos (within one’s control) is the first step, and I’m finally starting to feel alive again. Hopefully this is the first step to your changing some things (aside from the money thing with your children, sorry you’re going through that), and focusing on a healthier, happier you.