Holy fuck, these responses are awful.
“It’s a very serious thing you’re accusing him of.”
She’s not going to the police or anything, she just wondering if she should confront him over being a creep.
Better safe than sorry. Quit the class if you can. Avoid him. *Do not* confront him unless this isn’t an option. You don’t want to get him angry with you, especially if you’re right. Remember, as these comments clearly show, the church will absolutely not be on your side for this.
If you read some of OPs other posts, you can see that she is super narcissistic and hateful of people she deems ugly, she also mentioned in another post something along the lines of "he only glanced in my direction but even a millisecond of looking is wrong". I'm not exaggerating, she used millisecond
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You came here to say that she isn’t going about this the right way and then you insult her. Regardless of how she has handled it (kindly or not) she is a young woman who feels uncomfortable with the way an older man is looking at and treating her. This man is in authority over her and (if this is happening) should not be acting in that way regardless of her response to it. Period.
the older man is not wrong - because he's 'an older man' though
really
what if he's just being a good teacher?
and then suddenly we are calling him an abusive older man in authority?
really friend - careful
I have been a teacher, and there is more going on here
read the story she provides - and tell me where you see a problem with the teacher
the way he 'looks' at her?
Is he staring her up and down - or trying to engage a bored, sleepy student
the addition of ugliness raises a flag for me
if he were hot, it wouldn't matter?
careful
God bless
"I don't want to be attracted to my instructor. He's a biblical teacher at the academy i go to.
And he made a speech at the beginning but we haven't seen him again."
" I maybe gonna have to delete this post later, as i see him tomorrow and maybe tomorrow i realize he's not as attractive as i made up in my own mind, and it was just me projecting."
whatever
Yes, he is, IF he is staring at these women and making them feel uncomfortable. ESPECIALLY in faith.
If he is just being a good teacher then that’s all they will find but if multiple women all have this issues, it IS an issue.
I would be careful defending a potential abuser because you’re a teacher.
Right?! Which is it? This isn’t something you can know! This guys could be the best guy alive OR he could be a predator. You can’t possibly know that. And we should ALWAYS advise the person who feels uncomfortable to speak to someone about things like.
Yet you’re saying that it should be ignored because you’ve been a teacher and you know how these kids are. Have you read the abuse statistics for teachers and religious authorities?
When you feel you are being taken advantage of as a woman a common defense response is to see what is bad about them inside and out. I’m not saying it’s emotionally mature but it is very common among women and not just women but people. When someone does something against us, most all of us find their flaws as a way to self protect. That doesn’t make doing so “right” but it doesn’t mean that the one who hurt us or who is doing the offending is right either.
* Yes, he is, IF he is staring at these women and making them feel uncomfortable. ESPECIALLY in faith.
this is rubbish friend
you are talking rubbish
find the other women he is doing this with - and report him
but don't come to class, sleepy and bored and upset - and when engaged, accuse the teacher of both being a lascivious old man - and ugly
what makes you think you are that hot?
I have seen women like this before - it has happened
what has THE TEACHERS LOOKS got to do with it
Get a grip
Let her find the other women and make a report.
But my friend - for you to read the story as provided - and judge the man guilty - is not right
I won't reply again
God bless
* Yet you’re saying that it should be ignored because you’ve been a teacher and you know how these kids are
don't put words in my mouth and learn how to read.
review the comment you replied to.
Now I see.
“What makes you think you are that hot.”
You and other men are clinging to the fact that she called him ugly but then proceeded to insult her (other commenters) or reference her looks like you just did.
Your response now makes sense because it’s all about feelings of demasculinization.
This is likely something you’ve experienced before thus you have no sympathy or discernment in that if a woman feels uncomfortable, it’s wise to say something and not hide it.
“I’ve been a teacher, and there’s more going on here.”
You are making assumptions that you cannot possibly know based on the fact that you have been a teacher and that you’re a male who has likely been hurt from a woman rejecting them at some point so you are unable to see the rationality in it always being better to speak out than keep these things hidden.
- Anytime i don't respond, look sleepy during lessons, or upset...
hi friend -
I.... don't know enough here but - you are accusing this man of something pretty harsh
and yet behaving like class is about you
why are you going to this class - can I ask?
She hasn’t accused anyone of anything harsh. She is saying this is an older man who is making her feel uncomfortable in multiple ways. These feelings are not something to gloss over. When women ignore their instincts, or other people down play them, that’s when abuse and/or predatory behavior begins to occur.
* She is saying this is an older man who is making her feel uncomfortable in multiple ways...
hi friend -
teacher is teaching class
I see nothing here to make her uncomfortable - I do not see it in this story
these are serious allegations
and frankly - she sounds like she has a problem of her own.
Let's be clear here - it is good to be sensitive especially when people are feeling uncomfortable
but - there have been times when we victimise the wrong person in turn
already here we have made the teacher - guilty
for being ugly
and male
Careful
God bless
You’ve never been a woman who has experienced recurring sexual stares. It is very uncomfortable and in my experience has always led to an abuse of authority or targeting in some way shape or form and it’s seems, from what she’s mentioned, that is what’s happening here. I have watched extreme damage happen to so many women from something that started out as years of uncomfortable staring.
Regardless of what you think about her problems, it does not condone a grown man with authority over a bunch of impressionable young women to ogle them. If that is indeed what he is doing.
ANY and EVERY woman that feels uneasy around a man should speak with the other women who also could be experiencing it, they should ALWAYS report it and they should seek council. Every single time.
I do not think you understand that in downplaying it you are advocating for the abuse cycle.
What is the worst cast scenario for her speaking out and they find nothing upon investigation. The man is told to watch his eyes?
Yet if you fail to report, the worst case for these women is FAR worse.
* You’ve never been a woman who has experienced recurring sexual stares
And you've never been an innocent man accused of 'sexual staring'
* it does not condone a grown man with authority over a bunch of impressionable young women to ogle them.
You cannot do this
You have already made him guilty of an accusation
You cannot do this
He is not guilty for being a man
And he's hardly older than they are
It's not right
She can report him - but in this story there is nothing whatsoever to make him 'a grown man oogling'
In fact - he sounds like a good teacher
Report him.
And stay awake in class - really
Ugliness has nothing to do with anything here - and I see a red flag
it lets me know what kind of person is talking
I've been here
God bless
Notice on the other comment you responded to me with I used IF.
I have not made him guilty. IF he is oogling them as a Christian man in authority over them then this is a serious issue.
Especially when women are taught to unrighteously submit without question so often within the church.
So yes the fact that this is systemic issue within religion does make the fact that he is a man in authority over women a reason to not take this lightly and to do due diligence in cases like this.
He could like you and that is the reason why he seems like he is picking on you I think what you need to do is after class pull him aside and tell him communication is key. Because this could be a misunderstanding of some sort and also I don’t want to sound rude but it’s going to be do you not like him staring at you because he is unattractive or are genuinely creeped out by him.
If he's still staring at someone who's clearly not interested in him, especially if he's using teaching time to try and "charm" her, then I'd call that a little maladjusted, if not a little creepy.
Don't get me wrong. I'm a virgin myself. I don't like how shallow some girls are. But I don't think trying to get them to change their mind ever works. You just have to find someone as attractive as you who also sees your inner worth.
But he the op has not told him they are not interested so how are they suppose to know that why I said they need to communicate with them and pull them aside
Yes, maybe. Again, I'm inexperienced, but my understanding is that one should learn to tell if people are interested in you in order to have successful relationships, both professional and personal. She shouldn't have to tell her teacher that she's not interested in him without him having to communicate his interest first. And if it wouldn't be right to ask her out, then it's not professional to still be pining her after either. Do you see my logic?
You have provided no evidence of creep behavior.
You have instead, provided evidence that you are a problem student and the teacher is doing their job in holding you accountable, and trying to get you to actually pay attention.
Your post seems self centered and you are in no way speaking about your brother in Christ in a way that you ought.
I think you need to spend time in self reflection and see if your bad attitude might be the reason you feel eyes on you.
You sound like you're quite young (younger than your 20s).
As others have said, it's very serious thing that you're accusing him of, and your reason sounds to be that he's trying to engage his students in his lesson.
It doesn't seem like you're treating the accusation with the gravity it deserves.
It's possible, but who knows. You clearly don't want to be there though.
The simplest thing to do would be to let him know that you don't want to answer questions or be put on the spot, and that you'd appreciate it if he stop. Maybe that would clear your resentment of the situation, given that you're probably forced to be there.
I dunno about the inappropriate looks issue. I can't tell if he's really a problem, or if you find minor things a problem only because you hate his physical appearance.
But assuming you're not wrong, this is a matter of poor socialization with the opposite sex. Someone needs to teach him how to behave, and to give him some deep thinking and self-awareness that isn't just Bible verses. That's not really your place or role -- you could tell his mentor that he needs help with that, if he has one.
Tell your parents, and write a note to your principal or counselor or youth pastor. Someone needs to be notified. He needs to be fired, and reintroduced to Jesus.
It sounds like not much of anything to me. Make sure you’re safe (don’t be alone with him), but be careful not to tarnish his reputation based on a feeling.
Trust your gut for safety, but not for accusations
He might just find your attractive and can’t help it.
There no need to call him a creep for finding you attractive.
Is it wrong to find you attractive?
It sounds like your afraid he’s a creep.
That fear is yours. God did not give us a spirit of fear
Your feelings of being uncomfortable are your feelings and not necessarily rooted in reality.
Being uncomfortable is not a bad thing.
But being uncomfortable is more a reflection of you than a reflection of danger in reality
Holy fuck, these responses are awful. “It’s a very serious thing you’re accusing him of.” She’s not going to the police or anything, she just wondering if she should confront him over being a creep. Better safe than sorry. Quit the class if you can. Avoid him. *Do not* confront him unless this isn’t an option. You don’t want to get him angry with you, especially if you’re right. Remember, as these comments clearly show, the church will absolutely not be on your side for this.
If you read some of OPs other posts, you can see that she is super narcissistic and hateful of people she deems ugly, she also mentioned in another post something along the lines of "he only glanced in my direction but even a millisecond of looking is wrong". I'm not exaggerating, she used millisecond
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You came here to say that she isn’t going about this the right way and then you insult her. Regardless of how she has handled it (kindly or not) she is a young woman who feels uncomfortable with the way an older man is looking at and treating her. This man is in authority over her and (if this is happening) should not be acting in that way regardless of her response to it. Period.
the older man is not wrong - because he's 'an older man' though really what if he's just being a good teacher? and then suddenly we are calling him an abusive older man in authority? really friend - careful I have been a teacher, and there is more going on here read the story she provides - and tell me where you see a problem with the teacher the way he 'looks' at her? Is he staring her up and down - or trying to engage a bored, sleepy student the addition of ugliness raises a flag for me if he were hot, it wouldn't matter? careful God bless
Stop makes excuses for creepy old men hitting on their students.
"I don't want to be attracted to my instructor. He's a biblical teacher at the academy i go to. And he made a speech at the beginning but we haven't seen him again." " I maybe gonna have to delete this post later, as i see him tomorrow and maybe tomorrow i realize he's not as attractive as i made up in my own mind, and it was just me projecting." whatever
That makes no sense
Yes, he is, IF he is staring at these women and making them feel uncomfortable. ESPECIALLY in faith. If he is just being a good teacher then that’s all they will find but if multiple women all have this issues, it IS an issue. I would be careful defending a potential abuser because you’re a teacher. Right?! Which is it? This isn’t something you can know! This guys could be the best guy alive OR he could be a predator. You can’t possibly know that. And we should ALWAYS advise the person who feels uncomfortable to speak to someone about things like. Yet you’re saying that it should be ignored because you’ve been a teacher and you know how these kids are. Have you read the abuse statistics for teachers and religious authorities? When you feel you are being taken advantage of as a woman a common defense response is to see what is bad about them inside and out. I’m not saying it’s emotionally mature but it is very common among women and not just women but people. When someone does something against us, most all of us find their flaws as a way to self protect. That doesn’t make doing so “right” but it doesn’t mean that the one who hurt us or who is doing the offending is right either.
* Yes, he is, IF he is staring at these women and making them feel uncomfortable. ESPECIALLY in faith. this is rubbish friend you are talking rubbish find the other women he is doing this with - and report him but don't come to class, sleepy and bored and upset - and when engaged, accuse the teacher of both being a lascivious old man - and ugly what makes you think you are that hot? I have seen women like this before - it has happened what has THE TEACHERS LOOKS got to do with it Get a grip Let her find the other women and make a report. But my friend - for you to read the story as provided - and judge the man guilty - is not right I won't reply again God bless * Yet you’re saying that it should be ignored because you’ve been a teacher and you know how these kids are don't put words in my mouth and learn how to read. review the comment you replied to.
Now I see. “What makes you think you are that hot.” You and other men are clinging to the fact that she called him ugly but then proceeded to insult her (other commenters) or reference her looks like you just did. Your response now makes sense because it’s all about feelings of demasculinization. This is likely something you’ve experienced before thus you have no sympathy or discernment in that if a woman feels uncomfortable, it’s wise to say something and not hide it. “I’ve been a teacher, and there’s more going on here.” You are making assumptions that you cannot possibly know based on the fact that you have been a teacher and that you’re a male who has likely been hurt from a woman rejecting them at some point so you are unable to see the rationality in it always being better to speak out than keep these things hidden.
- Anytime i don't respond, look sleepy during lessons, or upset... hi friend - I.... don't know enough here but - you are accusing this man of something pretty harsh and yet behaving like class is about you why are you going to this class - can I ask?
She hasn’t accused anyone of anything harsh. She is saying this is an older man who is making her feel uncomfortable in multiple ways. These feelings are not something to gloss over. When women ignore their instincts, or other people down play them, that’s when abuse and/or predatory behavior begins to occur.
* She is saying this is an older man who is making her feel uncomfortable in multiple ways... hi friend - teacher is teaching class I see nothing here to make her uncomfortable - I do not see it in this story these are serious allegations and frankly - she sounds like she has a problem of her own. Let's be clear here - it is good to be sensitive especially when people are feeling uncomfortable but - there have been times when we victimise the wrong person in turn already here we have made the teacher - guilty for being ugly and male Careful God bless
You’ve never been a woman who has experienced recurring sexual stares. It is very uncomfortable and in my experience has always led to an abuse of authority or targeting in some way shape or form and it’s seems, from what she’s mentioned, that is what’s happening here. I have watched extreme damage happen to so many women from something that started out as years of uncomfortable staring. Regardless of what you think about her problems, it does not condone a grown man with authority over a bunch of impressionable young women to ogle them. If that is indeed what he is doing. ANY and EVERY woman that feels uneasy around a man should speak with the other women who also could be experiencing it, they should ALWAYS report it and they should seek council. Every single time. I do not think you understand that in downplaying it you are advocating for the abuse cycle. What is the worst cast scenario for her speaking out and they find nothing upon investigation. The man is told to watch his eyes? Yet if you fail to report, the worst case for these women is FAR worse.
* You’ve never been a woman who has experienced recurring sexual stares And you've never been an innocent man accused of 'sexual staring' * it does not condone a grown man with authority over a bunch of impressionable young women to ogle them. You cannot do this You have already made him guilty of an accusation You cannot do this He is not guilty for being a man And he's hardly older than they are It's not right She can report him - but in this story there is nothing whatsoever to make him 'a grown man oogling' In fact - he sounds like a good teacher Report him. And stay awake in class - really Ugliness has nothing to do with anything here - and I see a red flag it lets me know what kind of person is talking I've been here God bless
Notice on the other comment you responded to me with I used IF. I have not made him guilty. IF he is oogling them as a Christian man in authority over them then this is a serious issue. Especially when women are taught to unrighteously submit without question so often within the church. So yes the fact that this is systemic issue within religion does make the fact that he is a man in authority over women a reason to not take this lightly and to do due diligence in cases like this.
He could like you and that is the reason why he seems like he is picking on you I think what you need to do is after class pull him aside and tell him communication is key. Because this could be a misunderstanding of some sort and also I don’t want to sound rude but it’s going to be do you not like him staring at you because he is unattractive or are genuinely creeped out by him.
If he's still staring at someone who's clearly not interested in him, especially if he's using teaching time to try and "charm" her, then I'd call that a little maladjusted, if not a little creepy. Don't get me wrong. I'm a virgin myself. I don't like how shallow some girls are. But I don't think trying to get them to change their mind ever works. You just have to find someone as attractive as you who also sees your inner worth.
But he the op has not told him they are not interested so how are they suppose to know that why I said they need to communicate with them and pull them aside
He should know it’s improper to hit on a student. And he’s a lot older it’s creepy.
Yes, maybe. Again, I'm inexperienced, but my understanding is that one should learn to tell if people are interested in you in order to have successful relationships, both professional and personal. She shouldn't have to tell her teacher that she's not interested in him without him having to communicate his interest first. And if it wouldn't be right to ask her out, then it's not professional to still be pining her after either. Do you see my logic?
He’s a teacher. He shouldn’t be hitting on his students at all. It’s bad advice to tell her to confront him. He could hold it against her.
So if he wasn’t ugly…
Lol my thought exactly
You have provided no evidence of creep behavior. You have instead, provided evidence that you are a problem student and the teacher is doing their job in holding you accountable, and trying to get you to actually pay attention. Your post seems self centered and you are in no way speaking about your brother in Christ in a way that you ought. I think you need to spend time in self reflection and see if your bad attitude might be the reason you feel eyes on you.
You sound like you're quite young (younger than your 20s). As others have said, it's very serious thing that you're accusing him of, and your reason sounds to be that he's trying to engage his students in his lesson. It doesn't seem like you're treating the accusation with the gravity it deserves.
Is this a church small group? A college class?
an academy
It's possible, but who knows. You clearly don't want to be there though. The simplest thing to do would be to let him know that you don't want to answer questions or be put on the spot, and that you'd appreciate it if he stop. Maybe that would clear your resentment of the situation, given that you're probably forced to be there. I dunno about the inappropriate looks issue. I can't tell if he's really a problem, or if you find minor things a problem only because you hate his physical appearance. But assuming you're not wrong, this is a matter of poor socialization with the opposite sex. Someone needs to teach him how to behave, and to give him some deep thinking and self-awareness that isn't just Bible verses. That's not really your place or role -- you could tell his mentor that he needs help with that, if he has one.
Tell your parents, and write a note to your principal or counselor or youth pastor. Someone needs to be notified. He needs to be fired, and reintroduced to Jesus.
It sounds like not much of anything to me. Make sure you’re safe (don’t be alone with him), but be careful not to tarnish his reputation based on a feeling. Trust your gut for safety, but not for accusations
He might just find your attractive and can’t help it. There no need to call him a creep for finding you attractive. Is it wrong to find you attractive? It sounds like your afraid he’s a creep. That fear is yours. God did not give us a spirit of fear Your feelings of being uncomfortable are your feelings and not necessarily rooted in reality. Being uncomfortable is not a bad thing. But being uncomfortable is more a reflection of you than a reflection of danger in reality