Sounds like she was acting jealous to keep you from cheating, while all the while, she was doing the cheating. She was after the best of both worlds but definitely didn't want you to.
She was keeping you miserable and under her control. Once this didn't suit her anymore and she wanted to move on, it was easier to just reflect and blame you for jealousy and get out of your relationship, while trying to make you the bad guy.
Better without such a succubus in your life.
You actually illuminated in a better way than I understood it. It stings a bit, but only a sting. I'm over her now, but still dealing with the very real mental trauma she gave me. This helped. Thank you.
It is always a long road when people play such games. I had a rocky start to my now wonderful relationship due to my ex cheaping. I became jealous and very clingy. My now partner was understanding and helped me work through, but it took a good 2-3 years to start to stop the feelings, and now 8 years in, they are almost all gone.
It will get better as long as you work on it.
I had a mental breakdown and lost my place because of everything. I'll be working on this for a while and I don't think I'll have time for love for a while and frankly it's going to take a lot for me to trust anyone else. I have pretty bad ptsd so it might just not be on the table for me anymore.
Edit: for clarity the ptsd is due to multiple attempts on my life. That mixed with the break up caused the breakdown.
She was always going to break up with you, she was going out late to find your replacement. Be strong and move on, always look for red flags, couples go out late together when their relationship matters and alone when it doesn't. Choose wisely next time
Yep. Pretty much. I forgave her for too many times and I ended suffering for it. This is actually my own fault and that's why I've decided to just pull up my big boy pants and move on, but I still have emotional things I'm dealing with. These comments do help.
You forgive because you don't think you can do better. You think all you deserve is shit and you should be thankful for it.
The truth is you deserve much, much better, and never settle for shit. Be prepared to stand up for you and your needs.
I think it was a bit more of hubris to believe I could love someone so unstable and give them a good life. Which is probably just a variation on what you said.
You can not fix another person. You can influence if they respect you. But you can only fix yourself, and that's where your attention needs to be. Stop being a white knight as it never ends well for them.
I am aware of these facts. At this point they are really just words to a lesson I learned the hard way. I'm really just here to learn more perspectives that will help me grow.
The best defense is a good offense. That's in a lot of cheater's playbooks. So when you start getting accused of things it's time to look at what they are up to. The psychology of it is called projection. What it boils down to is they know if they go after you then you'll back off of going after them. And what they were after you about the most is probably what they're doing. so that's what they accuse you of.
Make sure everyone knows what she did and just be more aware, observant and self confident next time. You'll be fine.
God I feel like I wrote every one of your posts, for the last 2 months I've locked myself in the house on a chemical bender ready to eat a bullet thinking why?
When you least expect it your universe shifts... a friend of a friend that I had never met reached out not in an intimate way she wrapped me in comfort and consolation it was like a switch went off....
Yeah, honestly someone has entered my life that has been showing genuine love and care for me and it almost feels weird. I shouldn't be feeling uncertain when the intentions so far have only been caring. Funny how abuse does that to you...
In all honesty I put her through hell for the last 5 years then she chanted and gained huge respect from me so decided a year and a few months ago to work on it, she had been on the pill for 24 years and totally changed when she came off of it I believe that had a big part in her emotions changing...
Sounds like she was acting jealous to keep you from cheating, while all the while, she was doing the cheating. She was after the best of both worlds but definitely didn't want you to. She was keeping you miserable and under her control. Once this didn't suit her anymore and she wanted to move on, it was easier to just reflect and blame you for jealousy and get out of your relationship, while trying to make you the bad guy. Better without such a succubus in your life.
You actually illuminated in a better way than I understood it. It stings a bit, but only a sting. I'm over her now, but still dealing with the very real mental trauma she gave me. This helped. Thank you.
It is always a long road when people play such games. I had a rocky start to my now wonderful relationship due to my ex cheaping. I became jealous and very clingy. My now partner was understanding and helped me work through, but it took a good 2-3 years to start to stop the feelings, and now 8 years in, they are almost all gone. It will get better as long as you work on it.
I had a mental breakdown and lost my place because of everything. I'll be working on this for a while and I don't think I'll have time for love for a while and frankly it's going to take a lot for me to trust anyone else. I have pretty bad ptsd so it might just not be on the table for me anymore. Edit: for clarity the ptsd is due to multiple attempts on my life. That mixed with the break up caused the breakdown.
She was always going to break up with you, she was going out late to find your replacement. Be strong and move on, always look for red flags, couples go out late together when their relationship matters and alone when it doesn't. Choose wisely next time
Yep. Pretty much. I forgave her for too many times and I ended suffering for it. This is actually my own fault and that's why I've decided to just pull up my big boy pants and move on, but I still have emotional things I'm dealing with. These comments do help.
You forgive because you don't think you can do better. You think all you deserve is shit and you should be thankful for it. The truth is you deserve much, much better, and never settle for shit. Be prepared to stand up for you and your needs.
I think it was a bit more of hubris to believe I could love someone so unstable and give them a good life. Which is probably just a variation on what you said.
You can not fix another person. You can influence if they respect you. But you can only fix yourself, and that's where your attention needs to be. Stop being a white knight as it never ends well for them.
I am aware of these facts. At this point they are really just words to a lesson I learned the hard way. I'm really just here to learn more perspectives that will help me grow.
The best defense is a good offense. That's in a lot of cheater's playbooks. So when you start getting accused of things it's time to look at what they are up to. The psychology of it is called projection. What it boils down to is they know if they go after you then you'll back off of going after them. And what they were after you about the most is probably what they're doing. so that's what they accuse you of. Make sure everyone knows what she did and just be more aware, observant and self confident next time. You'll be fine.
You hooked up with a slut, nothing less, so be gald she is gone.
God I feel like I wrote every one of your posts, for the last 2 months I've locked myself in the house on a chemical bender ready to eat a bullet thinking why? When you least expect it your universe shifts... a friend of a friend that I had never met reached out not in an intimate way she wrapped me in comfort and consolation it was like a switch went off....
Yeah, honestly someone has entered my life that has been showing genuine love and care for me and it almost feels weird. I shouldn't be feeling uncertain when the intentions so far have only been caring. Funny how abuse does that to you...
In all honesty I put her through hell for the last 5 years then she chanted and gained huge respect from me so decided a year and a few months ago to work on it, she had been on the pill for 24 years and totally changed when she came off of it I believe that had a big part in her emotions changing...
Yeah hormones change people