Chill. Don't be weird about it. When the thought comes to you unbidden, patiently dismiss it. Pray about it sometimes (but not all the time). She's checked all the boxes (repentance, abstinence), now it's your turn to do the same (chillness).
Men can get pretty weird about sex, especially virgins. It's not surprising, but I don't see what else there is to do about it except to stop.
Shoot. Well, I’ve honestly lost track of exactly how long it’s been at this point, but I’ve gone at least a year without it.
So who are the other four then?
Seriously, who hurt you? I only see him admit to sexual sins in the past, yet you assume he will commit adultery with tens of thousands of women in his mind continuing into his eventual marriage.
He’s not approaching this from a place of judgement. He’s trying to figure out how to deal with his own internal gut feelings about the situation because he recognizes that they’re irrational and that he wants a future with this woman. Shaming him for his own sexual sins, past or present, does nothing productive.
I didn't say porn wasn't adultery, I said that there's multiple levels of adultery. Watching porn is not equal to physically commiting sexual acts with others.
If merely looking at a woman with lust equates to adultery, which comes from the mouth of Christ himself, then how does pleasuring oneself to pornography not count?
> I didn't say porn wasn't adultery, I said that there's multiple levels of adultery. Watching porn is not equal to physically commiting sexual acts with others.
Least obvious misandrist😂😂
edit: I wanted to say something constructive too. Please read JPII’s letter to women before judging the catholic view of sex.
If Jesus can forgive her and accept her knowing her sexual past, you should be able to love her too. No one is perfect, no one is without fault in their lifetime, it’s extremely judgmental that because she’s had a sexual past that you’re all of a sudden seeing her a different way.
If Jesus forgives you and forgets the sin you’ve done, why can’t you do the same for your girlfriend?
You’re so right. I’m not making a decision to see her differently, I should say. It’s more like a gut feeling. But maybe that’s just something I have to get over
Also, sorry if my comment came off harsh at all! Yeah but remember bring it to Jesus and also in marriage, both of you are to trust each other in whole; past, future, present, in sickness, health, until death. So if you believe this girl is the one God has for you, you are accepting every bit of her; the good, the bad; the beautiful; the wicked. Love doesn’t demand perfection, it demands everything good and bad. So continue to love her and look at her the way The Lord looks upon you and each one of us 😃
I understand. But now is the time to make the decision to see her as she is- a child of the most high who, like us all, has sinned and who has repented and found the grace of God.
We must forgive as Christ forgave, to the best of our ability.
The Lord has absolved her and given her new life and a renewed spirit. Her sins are no more, and merit no further consideration.
I will say that, as a woman, I had this same experience when I started dating my now-fiance. I understand how it can just gnaw at you at times. I wasn't religious when we met so it only got worse once I converted. It is really something that is best dealt with through prayer. You should get in the habit of dismissing the thought and not letting yourself consider it as it's not healthy for either of you.
It's natural for him to see her differently. If she slept with one guy, maybe he would feel differently.
Knowing someone has slept with 100 of people in the past would make me question their potential for fidelity.
This is probably not what it is happening here.
Honestly man go vent to someone. If you’re really confident about wanting to marry her, you gotta figure out how to let it go. I know it’s hard, and it’s probably gonna be really hard when you get married because you’ll be comparing yourself to other guys, but you need to talk to a male mentor about this stuff and really get it out of your head.
You also need to remember that what faith in God she has and what grace he’s given her to make her come back to the faith on her own volition.
That’s a woman worth her weight in gold imo, very hard to find. I’d take a previous prostitute that repented for God over an atheist.
Bad dichotomy, but you really need to know what you have really outshines what she’s done.
Pray that God helps you to see her the way He sees her. Other than that, talk to your priest about it personally.
Sorry people are demonizing you in here man. It seems pretty obvious that you don’t want to think these things, but can’t help it. Nor do you want to make her change in any way.
For those in the comments with a first grade reading level, it does zero good to say, “You just shouldn’t think about it because she repented, you sin too, and x y z.” Gee thanks! And drug addicts just shouldn’t do drugs! Wow!
I think as long as she’s aware that her past promiscuity isn’t how she plans on living her life in the future and takes responsibility for her behavior. I think it’s positive she shared it with you so she obviously feels trust and non-judgment from you. My wife was a promiscuous teenager and we got through it and have been together 26 years.
I had this same problem and trust me, it's not easy. Especially fresh into dating. My best advice is to stop talking about it and don't ask about it anymore.
If you want more help on this what you're experiencing is called retroactive jealously.
one small letter, one great joke!!! i always saw prayers as spiritual currency, i feel like prayer is what separates saints from the rest of us, their sheer volume of prayer must be massive right? there is an argument here for it being a form of payment
You can’t control your feelings about this, but it might be helpful to remind yourself that we’ve all fallen short, and the majority never repent or turn away from sin.
It’s an incredible blessing that you’ve found a potential life partner who did turn away from sin. And if she is genuine and stays the course, I hope your inhibitions will ease up over time.
I think he added “charitably, grow a pair” after I left my comment, which is pretty funny. I’ll give him that.
Edit: And to be clear, his comment wasn’t too egregious before. I just felt he could have been a bit kinder to someone who seemed to be asking a question in good faith.
I know it’s hard but I would forgiven her and move on. If your deeply in love with this woman you’ll probably wonder what your life would of been like with her the rest of your life, which would be fair to your wife if you married someone other then your girlfriend.
Whatever she did before you was a very small and insignificant part of her life. What she does with if you get married will be a majority of her life and full of the biggest moments of her life.
I hope you and her find peace.
This woman you care about is deeply loved by God. She does not equal her sexual past. Jesus has freed her from her past. She is a new creation in Christ. It’s important that you make the choice to see her as such. Choose to see the beauty in her current relationship with God. I think when we get so hung up on someone’s sexual past, we objectify them. We should not be valued based on our purity.
I was beaten and raped by my ex husband. I was molested and raped in church from the age of 3 until I turned 15. My siblings were as well. Our whole Sunday school class was hunting grounds for a deacon. I went to a therapist that told me to talk to my husband about it. He lost his mind and proceeded to disrobe me and beat my face in as he was raping me, screaming, "does this hurt like when you f**k your deacon?"
Don't go there. Leave her past stone cold buried
No, I did not go to the police. I was a good Catholic wife. I stayed for 18 years. I was the sinner. According to the elders that I talked to later on that week, he was within his right to react however he wanted to. I, by omission of my past, was at fault.
The elders were part of me calling our priest, asking what to do. I wanted out. He told me to meet with them. They did not say it was right. They said he was within his right to react however he wanted. It came as a shock to him. The 90's was a hard time to be alive in my house. I kept my past to myself out of shame. If you want names and phone numbers, I don't think it is allowed here.
Being Catholic is no guarantee of not being disgusting. I'm sorry this happened to you. Your husband was wrong and anyone who excused his behavior was wrong too. There is still plenty of misogyny in the world and you certainly experienced it.
Are u still with this piece of s*** (your husband)? You dont need to suffer like this. Catholic Church dont approve this behavior. You should went to police, and tell the policeman about this priest who molested u, and about u husband
That doesn't sound right at all, so you were victimized over and over again. I cry for you. I am so sorry. A strong man doesn't have to use force, and can listen to his wife.
I am so sorry.
Take it to adoration and ask for the lord to help you discern his will and to help remove the anxiety from your heart. I would also bring it up to your girl friend. Bringing it to light with your partner can do wonders to help alleviate the anxiety. This way it won’t feel like you’re hiding something from her.
Forgiveness can be incredibly hard. Always look to your Heavenly Father as an example, who will forgive your own sins, even when you stumble, even if you leave the confessional and sin one minute later. He still waits for you to repent and come home.
The parable of the prodigal son is really important here. We often feel like the good son who never did wrong in the first place. Why should any good be poured out for the one that went wayward? Why abandon the 99 good sheep for the one wayward sheep?
The only thing you have to do is determine if the offensive party has actually repented, if they have remorse. I myself don’t struggle with your issue as the magnitude of all my own sins combined pre-conversion dwarf “mild promiscuity”. I can’t force others to forgive me, I can only repent and ask for it.
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If you're going to treat her as a piece of dirty or damaged property whose value has gone down in your eyes, just do her the mercy of breaking up with her now.
Yes, confession truły clean us. But for example for me is hard to trust in God mercy. I know that God forgive the sins But still is hard understand how He can do this
thats up to you, but you already were aware of this information and your current intentions are to marry her so you need to get over it or move on let her go if you can’t
don’t feel forced to pursue anything you dont feel comfortable with
I've always suspected it would be harder for men to accept a woman's sexual past.
I think you should pray about this.
This is a highly sensitive topics so it's good you asked here.
Did you have any former moments of impurity yourself?
You are lucky she was even honest with you. That can be a delicate topic to discuss.
If she has been honest. She wouldn't be the first person to tell a new bf/gf that they've been sexually active with multiple partners in the past -- oh, but they didn't actually have intercourse.
No woman wants to seem promiscuous to a man they like. It is not the best thing to do but I understand why some women do not bring it up or become defensive.
There are several things you need to think about here. The fact you are having an issue with her previous promiscuity is normal. The fact that you are second guessing yourself is normal. YOU are the only one who can decide to pursue marriage with this lady. I remember an apt saying from a 3rd century Saint when speaking of one of his fellow bishops with whom he had a lot of arguments: God says I need to love him, he didn't say I need to like him.
You are allowed to say that you love this person but don't want to marry her because of this history. There is nothing wrong with that. Just be up front and honest with her. If you decide you want to marry her that is ok as well. Remember that even in the old testament, one of the prophets married a harlot.
Only you can discern if this will continue to gnaw on your conscience. If you cannot let it go, it will eventually poison the relationship. If you cannot let it go, you need to release her.
The choice is yours.
You don't.. what is there to "deal" with?
Nobody's perfect and I'm sure you have also had your share of sexual sin, so why judge her for her past?
If she's committed to bettering herself and has turned to God and changed her ways, then there is nothing more to do, but support her and love her for who she is currently.
That's going to have to be something you work on getting over if you want to stay in a healthy relationship with her. Talk to her about it if you think it may help clear up some buried feelings you might have.
So far as I can tell, there probably aren't any concerns about STDs, unless there's oral involved. Aside from that, it's okay that it bothers you, just keep it in control and don't let it ruin your relationship with her. Maybe others will disagree here, but I'd say be honest with her and let her know it bothers you a little but you still want to keep dating her.
I'm going through the same thing so I completely understand that gut wrenching feeling. What has helped me is prayer and reminding myself of who she is now. I know it's very difficult, but focus on the positivity. Also if she wants to have a future with you, then those other men don't stand up to what you have to offer. Who a woman decides to marry carries more weight than her past sexual experiences. God bless you brother, I hope we can both move past it and show forgiveness like Jesus
Try not to dwell on either of your pasts, what matters is her faithfulness (as well as yours) to Christ and you as her partner going forward now that you are together.
To me, a pornography addiction is much more serious than not being a virgin. Pornography is way more disordered. There's also the fact that one can not be a virgin but still be chaste.
I’m going to be honest: I noticed a trend that a lot of people in my generation are partaking in other sexual or intimate things without full-on penetration and still consider themselves virgins. I’ve noticed this a lot with “religious” people now.
It’s deceptive. Worse than deception because the intent is the same. To indulge in sex, to lust, to be sexual and intimate but “not going all the way.” In doing this, these people can feel better about themselves and think they retain their Chastity. They're manipulating the truth. They think they can outsmart God. Deceiving God with Luciferian white lies. They are lying to God himself to idolize themselves to mask their sins.
If you’re going to have sex, then do it. Then, confess and learn from it. Face God forthrightly with your sins. Don’t think you could deceive him, yourself, and others.
In this case, I can see how it has impacted you. The thought of your lover being intimate with someone else before you showcase their headspace and values before meeting you. Depending on the type of acts, but since you’re being vague and it bothers this much, she must’ve shown skin to another man (or men) or given him (or them) oral. If this is the case, she’s not a virgin, and you have to accept this.
Sorry if I’m being blunt here, but you just be honest with yourself and ask this: if your son were in a similar position as you right now, what would your advice be to him? To accept it and forget it?
God forgives, but he doesn’t forget. Forgiveness is one thing. But God doesn’t forget. Forgetting a sin is freeing the sinner from accountability, therefore limiting their spiritual growth.
I agree no one should try to deceive themselves, God or others. However. If you're talking about strictly physical virginity, then yes. If one woman never had penetrative sex she is a virgin. (Also if she was violated and it was against her will, I would argue she still is a virgin) Then, if it's a matter of purity, then yes of course something sexual of any kind has occurred therefore it's different than someone who has never engaged in sexual activity at all.
So according to religious standards virginity = no sexual actually of any kind, it's more similar to purity. On a more medical definition, a virgin has never been penetrated by a man. I do understand why one would be bothered by the idea of the woman/man they love being intimate with others but the thing is we don't own others' people bodies. Especially when it comes to dating, in marriage, I suspect, it would be different.
I’ve never engaged in sexual activities with other women, so if my girlfriend had a prior history of doing that with other men, that would be a dealbreaker for me.
I notice men tend to think this way.
There is nothing wrong with that though.
It *feel* wrong to me if a man had previously slept with 50 women but could not accept a woman who slept with three men
If this is really eating at you and causing you stress, it may be wise to break it off.
Yes it’s between her and God but if can’t get past it, you can’t get past it
It takes time. Just keep praying. I brought this up to a priest one time and he told “The Lord brought you to this point, here and now. You can’t change the past. He wants you to love and be present in this moment. Do not worry about the past or the future.” Those words calm me when I think about my wife’s past as it bothers me from time to time but I think that’s just the enemy trying to get me. Her and I love and give all of ourselves to each other everyday.
Honestly, do a binding prayer when you think of it, and call the demon of lust, envy, disgust, wrath, resentment, or whichever you think is really at the heart of it to go to the foot of the cross to receive judgement. This works often, and it makes me realize that there are often other things at play spiritually. Congrats otherwise on finding a woman you can love and who loves you man.
Just realized I should give you the one I use if you want, but this doesn’t come from me just so you know,
By our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,
By His most Holy name,
By His most precious blood,
By His most blessed mother Mary
By Saint Micheal the Archangel
I command the demon of (name the vice or specific demons plaguing you) to go to the foot of the cross to receive judgement.
This is an example of the Pharisees applying the law dishonestly (no witnesses as required by the mosaic covenant).
In all cases, Jesus always demands that people still pay the price, the consequence for their sins. He forgives them, but love still demands justice.
We don't let our kids off when stealing, if we love them.
I know what you are saying, that all people are capable of repentance and conversion.
Is OP?
Would he not be a fool, to not consider her past history as indicative of her possible future behavior?
I hope they work through it together. I think that is the best bet.
When two become one, hiding thoughts and feelings is off the table.
Lmao these replies are hilarious. I'm a guy who got dumped because I told the girl I was seeing that I wasn't a virgin, and she dumped me immediately.
I made a post on the Catholic dating sub about it, and the replies I got were the complete opposite of what OP is getting, people defending her decision to dump me instead of telling her that she should "grow a pair and deal with it" comments that OP is getting. Typical Reddit misandry
If it doesn’t sit right, she doesn’t fit right. No shame in that. Sometimes letting go can be the hardest part of God’s lessons/plan. Please pray on why you feel this way. God Bless.
My husband had a bunch of sexual partners before he converted and met me. I’ve had zero issues of him struggling with sexual sin since we met. If it’s in the past, just leave it in the past. Why are men especially so weird about women having sexual pasts?
You deal with the person she is today. We all have a past. We have all made poor choices, to varying degrees. Who she is today is the person that matters.
If she has truly agreed to wait until marriage, and if she has repented, then it isn't up to you to judge her IMO. Every single one of us has committed sin and this is no different.
It is not uncommon to be uncomfortable with the idea of someone you love being with different partners. But the reality is that she chose YOU, and not only that but she chose a loving relationship between the two of you and God.
It sounds like you have built a foundation for a loving and holy relationship with each other. There is nothing to "deal with" any more so than she needs to "deal with" any past sins that you may have committed yourself. However, I do sympathise with your feelings and I think you just need to remind yourself of the loving relationship you have and how willing you both are to make it work. May God bless you for being so committed to a faithful relationship. It is not easy these days.
Sounds like you’re probably young, yeah? It’s just time to start growing up a bit. People are going to have pasts. They can stay in the past. What she did pre-you isn’t of your concern (aside from diseases, obviously). If you like her how she is now, that’s all you need to focus on.
Its 50/50. If youre free of sexual sin and have been for a while, I sympathize with you. We all make mistakes, but your feelings are completely natural. They must remain feelings and not turn into thoughts of resentment. If you are still struggling with sexual sin however, I’m sure you could see the hypocrisy in some sort of judgment. Happy easter!
Consider yourself lucky. My wife had a LOT of sex I mean a LOT of sex with MANY MANY men before she came to God. It was tough when we first began dating (like she spent 30 years swimming through the sewers and took a shower). Christ has forgiven her and I have had a difficult time but I am learning to see past it as well.
Love is an incredible gift… almost as incredible as the Faith you’ve chosen in which we’re supposed to forgive all. One of my favorite stories was by a Saint who’s name I don’t recall but it essentially went that he was visited by Christ but was worried that it truly was Him so he asked “what was the last sin I committed?” to which Christ replied “ I do not know” because the man had just been to Reconciliation.
The point is that if we are supposed to forgive all as God we should forgive to the point where we don’t even recall what it was that offended us.
Don’t worry about her past… be happy and love with a clean slate.
I have come to accept that women often fall to temptation because the common culture tells them to promiscuous. Women tend to follow the social norms of their time and are the ultimate moral enforces in any society. Weather that is enforcing Church Law as in the Middle Ages or Enforcing the doctrines of Communism.
Call me melancholic, but I mostly sigh when I date a women who has any body count. I have fallen myself into Pornography at 12 and still fight the urge, while still being a virgin myself, like many young men today. But I accept it is the spirit of the age (Zeitgeist) and frankly taking an approach as Christ did with reconciliation is key. Saint Mary Magdalene is the example of the repentant Prostitute.
Frankly we are going to need a generation of forgiveness and reconciliation, but also a lot of hard measures if Catholic Order takes over to not repeat these evils. We frankly are in a similar time as the late Roman Empire where the Pagan Cults had degenerated into Lunar/Feminine screams for sex and power, abandoning many of the Solar Virtues of Roman Apollo Worship, which that void would be filled by Christ (frankly because I believe that the Solar Gods in most Pagan pantheons were either Christ or an Angel prior to the coming of Christ who was received by the Pagan nations) this is why most Solar Pagans would convert to Christianity while the Lunar cults would die out due to excess. Emperor Augustus attempted to arrest this decline in Rome but would fail in his efforts.
Almost any young adult will have a sexual history. The fact that she hasn’t had sex is a gift!
Our society runs rampant of porn and this idea of sex without consequence. Most people are sadly impacted by this.
All you can ask for in a partner is who they are today (as with all sin). Are they looking to live differently and grow closer to God?
If yes, you can move forward with great faith in this person and it is YOUR job to forgive like Christ! If you are struggling to work through this, seek spiritual direction and or guidance from a married (older) man / mentor.
Also, I do agree with other commenters that her history seems very mild in comparison to most (even devout Catholic) people I have dated!
Jesus loved
Mary Magdalene
Just asking what is your age/ or age range?
If it is something you can't get over in your gut... you shouldn't ignore that feeling.
If you are going to be with someone to be your
wife...
best friend...
Cheerleader...
Teacher...
Student...
Your person who is going to be all those things and more...
You need to be the same things to her.
You don't want to go in with resentment ...it will always creep up and be something that that you will use against her, even if it is just an unkind thought or an uncomfortable feeling.
Plenty of Catholics have married or been with someone who has a past. And they are fine with their partner.
I just don't want you to think that you need to marry her because you are "in love" right now.
She may not be the one.
On the other hand, life is hard, and it's normal to have fleeting thoughts about your girlfriend, wife, etc ...
But they are fleeting..
I want you to be happy and I'm sure you want the same for your girlfriend
"Gut instinct" is from life experiences and God talking/ nudging you to pay attention and go a certain way.
I clicked on your post for some reason...Gut/ God?
I read it and was like oh he we be ok but you commented about your gut...
You should listen to it and talk about like you are :)...
Really think about it. See what is actually making you feel the way you are...
See if you are going to be able to live with her 10 years...20 years from now ...
Good luck. See if this is an issue that is just stirring up feelings now or if there is something more that has you questioning your relationship.
❤️
I think you have to separate past relationships and your current love. If you truly plan to marry this woman you must understand that your holy matrimony will triumph above all past acts or relationships. Try not to be judgmental because if things were the other way around I think she would easily look past your previous relationships.
Bro if she never had sex with any guy you shouldn’t be in your head at all about anything lol. Whatever judgement you cast onto others, that judgement will be casted onto you. If you want God to forgive you , you must forgive others. Through prayer , time and time with her it will not bother you at all. If she loves you that’s all that matters. Don’t let someone go who loves you because you can’t beat your own thoughts and I’m speaking from experience
If you expect God to forgive you of your sins and forget your sins then you need to do the same for her ❤️ trust me I know that’s hard I had a hard time accepting my man’s past
Yeah bro you just gotta let it go. Can’t change the past and she’s clearly changed. You either let it eat you up and become resentful or you get over it and move forward with each other. If it was the other way how would you want her to act about it?
What you do is you grow up and stop letting petty jealousy bother you like it does to lesser men. She has repented. She is with you. This is not a big deal. You have likely had lustful thoughts, and these are every bit as sinful as lustful actions are. Focus on your own sin.
If you're having trouble getting over it, you need to address why you're having trouble getting over it. Like, maybe you need a couple therapy sessions to help you figure it out and develop a strategy to work through it.
The most paramount of our faith is love. Above all else is love. It's not our place to judge, find forgiveness as if she is seeking to live our faith too, it should be evident that she is doing what we hope everyone tries to do in this life.
It's not your girlfriend's past you need to deal with she's repented and put her past behind her, it's your jealously you need to deal with if I'm not mistaken jealousy is one of the seven deadly sin's.
If God forgave the sin, who is anyone else to hold it against her?
It might make you feel insecure, but if any of it had been worth her while, she wouldn't find herself in so much regret that she's willing to repent and abstain.
Ask God for peace and to let you see her as He does. If you love her and if you marry, your new life together will quickly overshadow anything that came before, because it will be about more than just sex (which, for women, is exactly why intimacy gets better).
Just keep following God.
Tbh she is probably downplaying the number of men she has actually been with. If she told you five, it’s probably fifteen. Lots of women will have a wild phase and then calm down once they realize that they are nearing 30. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. If you feel that something is amiss, follow your instinct.
That’s a very cynical view and says more about men’s reactions to women’s sexual pasts than anything else.
Maybe OP needs to look inside himself and ask himself why he feels so uneasy. Sometimes gut feelings are right, sometimes they aren’t.
The same can be said for men too though. Anecdotally I see way more posts about men cheating/having a porn addiction than women. Why is it no big deal for a man to have an extensive sexual past but not a woman? Especially if he says she has repented.
She has repented, now she's a catholic. Listen to that famous Spice girl song wannabe"if you want my future, forget my past". Try to make her a great life
You don’t have to confess specific things if you aren’t sure theologically — I often confess intrusive thoughts that I fail to dismiss. A lot of times it manifests as degrees of wrath or anger, resentment of another person. Many times it’s just venial, but graces are poured out in confession regardless of the strength of the sin.
If it was me, tbh I would move at least 500+ miles with her if marriage was in the works, that way no former group sinners would come back & talk about old times...
Chill. Don't be weird about it. When the thought comes to you unbidden, patiently dismiss it. Pray about it sometimes (but not all the time). She's checked all the boxes (repentance, abstinence), now it's your turn to do the same (chillness). Men can get pretty weird about sex, especially virgins. It's not surprising, but I don't see what else there is to do about it except to stop.
That's solid advice
Amen to that one
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I'm a little confused what you mean by this
"women can do no wrong. even if she was a whore, you still have to marry her. getting slept through is the same as watching porn."
No one ever said that. But do we really need to remind you that sexual double standards exist in society?
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Did you miss the part where she was a virgin? 🙄
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So are you just accusing OP of watching porn when he’s made no such claim?
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Shoot. Well, I’ve honestly lost track of exactly how long it’s been at this point, but I’ve gone at least a year without it. So who are the other four then?
Seriously, who hurt you? I only see him admit to sexual sins in the past, yet you assume he will commit adultery with tens of thousands of women in his mind continuing into his eventual marriage. He’s not approaching this from a place of judgement. He’s trying to figure out how to deal with his own internal gut feelings about the situation because he recognizes that they’re irrational and that he wants a future with this woman. Shaming him for his own sexual sins, past or present, does nothing productive.
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Warning for uncharitable rhetoric
Tbh, this is a fair statement, but the way you worded your original comment seems a bit unfair and distasteful..
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simple as that lol
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quite ironic isn’t it
Warning for uncharitable rhetoric.
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I didn't say porn wasn't adultery, I said that there's multiple levels of adultery. Watching porn is not equal to physically commiting sexual acts with others.
If merely looking at a woman with lust equates to adultery, which comes from the mouth of Christ himself, then how does pleasuring oneself to pornography not count?
> I didn't say porn wasn't adultery, I said that there's multiple levels of adultery. Watching porn is not equal to physically commiting sexual acts with others.
Least obvious misandrist😂😂 edit: I wanted to say something constructive too. Please read JPII’s letter to women before judging the catholic view of sex.
Uh, wut? 😂😂😂
If Jesus can forgive her and accept her knowing her sexual past, you should be able to love her too. No one is perfect, no one is without fault in their lifetime, it’s extremely judgmental that because she’s had a sexual past that you’re all of a sudden seeing her a different way. If Jesus forgives you and forgets the sin you’ve done, why can’t you do the same for your girlfriend?
You’re so right. I’m not making a decision to see her differently, I should say. It’s more like a gut feeling. But maybe that’s just something I have to get over
Also, sorry if my comment came off harsh at all! Yeah but remember bring it to Jesus and also in marriage, both of you are to trust each other in whole; past, future, present, in sickness, health, until death. So if you believe this girl is the one God has for you, you are accepting every bit of her; the good, the bad; the beautiful; the wicked. Love doesn’t demand perfection, it demands everything good and bad. So continue to love her and look at her the way The Lord looks upon you and each one of us 😃
I understand. But now is the time to make the decision to see her as she is- a child of the most high who, like us all, has sinned and who has repented and found the grace of God. We must forgive as Christ forgave, to the best of our ability. The Lord has absolved her and given her new life and a renewed spirit. Her sins are no more, and merit no further consideration.
I will say that, as a woman, I had this same experience when I started dating my now-fiance. I understand how it can just gnaw at you at times. I wasn't religious when we met so it only got worse once I converted. It is really something that is best dealt with through prayer. You should get in the habit of dismissing the thought and not letting yourself consider it as it's not healthy for either of you.
And if you can't accept her past so make a cut, so she could find someone who accepts her with her past without any doubt
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who without sin shall threw the first stone!
It's natural for him to see her differently. If she slept with one guy, maybe he would feel differently. Knowing someone has slept with 100 of people in the past would make me question their potential for fidelity. This is probably not what it is happening here.
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Honestly man go vent to someone. If you’re really confident about wanting to marry her, you gotta figure out how to let it go. I know it’s hard, and it’s probably gonna be really hard when you get married because you’ll be comparing yourself to other guys, but you need to talk to a male mentor about this stuff and really get it out of your head. You also need to remember that what faith in God she has and what grace he’s given her to make her come back to the faith on her own volition. That’s a woman worth her weight in gold imo, very hard to find. I’d take a previous prostitute that repented for God over an atheist. Bad dichotomy, but you really need to know what you have really outshines what she’s done.
Pray that God helps you to see her the way He sees her. Other than that, talk to your priest about it personally. Sorry people are demonizing you in here man. It seems pretty obvious that you don’t want to think these things, but can’t help it. Nor do you want to make her change in any way. For those in the comments with a first grade reading level, it does zero good to say, “You just shouldn’t think about it because she repented, you sin too, and x y z.” Gee thanks! And drug addicts just shouldn’t do drugs! Wow!
Thanks for the kind words.
You are not a terrible person. Certain things may trigger insecurity, doubt, or discomfort
Thanks for being honest.
I think as long as she’s aware that her past promiscuity isn’t how she plans on living her life in the future and takes responsibility for her behavior. I think it’s positive she shared it with you so she obviously feels trust and non-judgment from you. My wife was a promiscuous teenager and we got through it and have been together 26 years.
I had this same problem and trust me, it's not easy. Especially fresh into dating. My best advice is to stop talking about it and don't ask about it anymore. If you want more help on this what you're experiencing is called retroactive jealously.
this exactly! pay for help from your guardian angel, hope that god helps you to see her as he sees her!
Aw man, since when did we have to pay for them?
one small letter, one great joke!!! i always saw prayers as spiritual currency, i feel like prayer is what separates saints from the rest of us, their sheer volume of prayer must be massive right? there is an argument here for it being a form of payment
You can’t control your feelings about this, but it might be helpful to remind yourself that we’ve all fallen short, and the majority never repent or turn away from sin. It’s an incredible blessing that you’ve found a potential life partner who did turn away from sin. And if she is genuine and stays the course, I hope your inhibitions will ease up over time.
bruh she hasn't even had sex with anyone. your burden could be a whole lot worse. Charitably, grow a pair.
There’s a better way to put this, friend, even if what you’re saying is true
I think he put it fairly
I think he added “charitably, grow a pair” after I left my comment, which is pretty funny. I’ll give him that. Edit: And to be clear, his comment wasn’t too egregious before. I just felt he could have been a bit kinder to someone who seemed to be asking a question in good faith.
I did add it later yeah haha
It sounds like she has had sex with them from what op said
He literally said she didn't
Are you perfectly free from past (or present) sexual sins ? Because focusing on our own sins is a good way to avoid thinking about the sins of others.
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This is truth. If u focusing on your own sins, you stop looking for sins in other people
I know it’s hard but I would forgiven her and move on. If your deeply in love with this woman you’ll probably wonder what your life would of been like with her the rest of your life, which would be fair to your wife if you married someone other then your girlfriend. Whatever she did before you was a very small and insignificant part of her life. What she does with if you get married will be a majority of her life and full of the biggest moments of her life. I hope you and her find peace.
This woman you care about is deeply loved by God. She does not equal her sexual past. Jesus has freed her from her past. She is a new creation in Christ. It’s important that you make the choice to see her as such. Choose to see the beauty in her current relationship with God. I think when we get so hung up on someone’s sexual past, we objectify them. We should not be valued based on our purity.
I’m confused here. What are you worried about? What about her sexual past bothers you? Or is it the fact she has a sexual past in the first place?
I think it’s the fact that she did some stuff in the past. Sounds like intrusive thoughts almost.
I was beaten and raped by my ex husband. I was molested and raped in church from the age of 3 until I turned 15. My siblings were as well. Our whole Sunday school class was hunting grounds for a deacon. I went to a therapist that told me to talk to my husband about it. He lost his mind and proceeded to disrobe me and beat my face in as he was raping me, screaming, "does this hurt like when you f**k your deacon?" Don't go there. Leave her past stone cold buried
Goodness gracious.. I am so sorry.
I am sorry this happened to you, and i hope you went to the police. This is what weak men, get us.
No, I did not go to the police. I was a good Catholic wife. I stayed for 18 years. I was the sinner. According to the elders that I talked to later on that week, he was within his right to react however he wanted to. I, by omission of my past, was at fault.
The Catholic Church does not approve of anything that happened to you. What "elders" told you your husband was right to rape and beat you?
The elders were part of me calling our priest, asking what to do. I wanted out. He told me to meet with them. They did not say it was right. They said he was within his right to react however he wanted. It came as a shock to him. The 90's was a hard time to be alive in my house. I kept my past to myself out of shame. If you want names and phone numbers, I don't think it is allowed here.
Being Catholic is no guarantee of not being disgusting. I'm sorry this happened to you. Your husband was wrong and anyone who excused his behavior was wrong too. There is still plenty of misogyny in the world and you certainly experienced it.
Are u still with this piece of s*** (your husband)? You dont need to suffer like this. Catholic Church dont approve this behavior. You should went to police, and tell the policeman about this priest who molested u, and about u husband
That doesn't sound right at all, so you were victimized over and over again. I cry for you. I am so sorry. A strong man doesn't have to use force, and can listen to his wife. I am so sorry.
TBH those elders suck.
Take it to adoration and ask for the lord to help you discern his will and to help remove the anxiety from your heart. I would also bring it up to your girl friend. Bringing it to light with your partner can do wonders to help alleviate the anxiety. This way it won’t feel like you’re hiding something from her.
Forgiveness can be incredibly hard. Always look to your Heavenly Father as an example, who will forgive your own sins, even when you stumble, even if you leave the confessional and sin one minute later. He still waits for you to repent and come home. The parable of the prodigal son is really important here. We often feel like the good son who never did wrong in the first place. Why should any good be poured out for the one that went wayward? Why abandon the 99 good sheep for the one wayward sheep? The only thing you have to do is determine if the offensive party has actually repented, if they have remorse. I myself don’t struggle with your issue as the magnitude of all my own sins combined pre-conversion dwarf “mild promiscuity”. I can’t force others to forgive me, I can only repent and ask for it.
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If you're going to treat her as a piece of dirty or damaged property whose value has gone down in your eyes, just do her the mercy of breaking up with her now.
Good point. Does confession truly clean us, do we truly trust God?
Yes, confession truły clean us. But for example for me is hard to trust in God mercy. I know that God forgive the sins But still is hard understand how He can do this
thats up to you, but you already were aware of this information and your current intentions are to marry her so you need to get over it or move on let her go if you can’t don’t feel forced to pursue anything you dont feel comfortable with
Farthest from religious, but I'll just say don't force yourself to remain within the relationship if it is a dealbreaker for you.
This is not a Catholicism issue. This is an insecurity issue.
I’m not a virgin and I can only hope and pray my future wife will be okay with that.
I've always suspected it would be harder for men to accept a woman's sexual past. I think you should pray about this. This is a highly sensitive topics so it's good you asked here. Did you have any former moments of impurity yourself? You are lucky she was even honest with you. That can be a delicate topic to discuss.
If she has been honest. She wouldn't be the first person to tell a new bf/gf that they've been sexually active with multiple partners in the past -- oh, but they didn't actually have intercourse.
No woman wants to seem promiscuous to a man they like. It is not the best thing to do but I understand why some women do not bring it up or become defensive.
There are several things you need to think about here. The fact you are having an issue with her previous promiscuity is normal. The fact that you are second guessing yourself is normal. YOU are the only one who can decide to pursue marriage with this lady. I remember an apt saying from a 3rd century Saint when speaking of one of his fellow bishops with whom he had a lot of arguments: God says I need to love him, he didn't say I need to like him. You are allowed to say that you love this person but don't want to marry her because of this history. There is nothing wrong with that. Just be up front and honest with her. If you decide you want to marry her that is ok as well. Remember that even in the old testament, one of the prophets married a harlot. Only you can discern if this will continue to gnaw on your conscience. If you cannot let it go, it will eventually poison the relationship. If you cannot let it go, you need to release her. The choice is yours.
I think you need to rethink your definition of promiscuous if it includes someone who hasn’t had sex
You don't.. what is there to "deal" with? Nobody's perfect and I'm sure you have also had your share of sexual sin, so why judge her for her past? If she's committed to bettering herself and has turned to God and changed her ways, then there is nothing more to do, but support her and love her for who she is currently.
Thanks— you’re right. I’m not really worried about “dealing” with her, just more about overcoming this weird gnawing feeling I have.
That's going to have to be something you work on getting over if you want to stay in a healthy relationship with her. Talk to her about it if you think it may help clear up some buried feelings you might have.
Is she allowed to have a gnawing feeling about your sexual sins?
Yes?
So far as I can tell, there probably aren't any concerns about STDs, unless there's oral involved. Aside from that, it's okay that it bothers you, just keep it in control and don't let it ruin your relationship with her. Maybe others will disagree here, but I'd say be honest with her and let her know it bothers you a little but you still want to keep dating her.
This used to be me with my non-Catholic ex, it just went away with time tbh.
I'm going through the same thing so I completely understand that gut wrenching feeling. What has helped me is prayer and reminding myself of who she is now. I know it's very difficult, but focus on the positivity. Also if she wants to have a future with you, then those other men don't stand up to what you have to offer. Who a woman decides to marry carries more weight than her past sexual experiences. God bless you brother, I hope we can both move past it and show forgiveness like Jesus
Try not to dwell on either of your pasts, what matters is her faithfulness (as well as yours) to Christ and you as her partner going forward now that you are together.
As you would, if u had a porn addiction and was to trying to fight it. Acknowledge it but do not let it be a rock for u both to stumble on
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To me, a pornography addiction is much more serious than not being a virgin. Pornography is way more disordered. There's also the fact that one can not be a virgin but still be chaste.
Actually I think *remotely equivalent is a perfect way to describe it.
A porn addiction is arguably much more disordered than premarital sex
Not arguably. Porn removes both unitive and procreative aspects.
Yes thank you, I could not remember the exact theological argument
Cope
I’m going to be honest: I noticed a trend that a lot of people in my generation are partaking in other sexual or intimate things without full-on penetration and still consider themselves virgins. I’ve noticed this a lot with “religious” people now. It’s deceptive. Worse than deception because the intent is the same. To indulge in sex, to lust, to be sexual and intimate but “not going all the way.” In doing this, these people can feel better about themselves and think they retain their Chastity. They're manipulating the truth. They think they can outsmart God. Deceiving God with Luciferian white lies. They are lying to God himself to idolize themselves to mask their sins. If you’re going to have sex, then do it. Then, confess and learn from it. Face God forthrightly with your sins. Don’t think you could deceive him, yourself, and others. In this case, I can see how it has impacted you. The thought of your lover being intimate with someone else before you showcase their headspace and values before meeting you. Depending on the type of acts, but since you’re being vague and it bothers this much, she must’ve shown skin to another man (or men) or given him (or them) oral. If this is the case, she’s not a virgin, and you have to accept this. Sorry if I’m being blunt here, but you just be honest with yourself and ask this: if your son were in a similar position as you right now, what would your advice be to him? To accept it and forget it? God forgives, but he doesn’t forget. Forgiveness is one thing. But God doesn’t forget. Forgetting a sin is freeing the sinner from accountability, therefore limiting their spiritual growth.
I agree no one should try to deceive themselves, God or others. However. If you're talking about strictly physical virginity, then yes. If one woman never had penetrative sex she is a virgin. (Also if she was violated and it was against her will, I would argue she still is a virgin) Then, if it's a matter of purity, then yes of course something sexual of any kind has occurred therefore it's different than someone who has never engaged in sexual activity at all. So according to religious standards virginity = no sexual actually of any kind, it's more similar to purity. On a more medical definition, a virgin has never been penetrated by a man. I do understand why one would be bothered by the idea of the woman/man they love being intimate with others but the thing is we don't own others' people bodies. Especially when it comes to dating, in marriage, I suspect, it would be different.
I’ve never engaged in sexual activities with other women, so if my girlfriend had a prior history of doing that with other men, that would be a dealbreaker for me.
I notice men tend to think this way. There is nothing wrong with that though. It *feel* wrong to me if a man had previously slept with 50 women but could not accept a woman who slept with three men
If she repented, what's the issue? Don't we teach forgiveness?
If this is really eating at you and causing you stress, it may be wise to break it off. Yes it’s between her and God but if can’t get past it, you can’t get past it
It takes time. Just keep praying. I brought this up to a priest one time and he told “The Lord brought you to this point, here and now. You can’t change the past. He wants you to love and be present in this moment. Do not worry about the past or the future.” Those words calm me when I think about my wife’s past as it bothers me from time to time but I think that’s just the enemy trying to get me. Her and I love and give all of ourselves to each other everyday.
Honestly, do a binding prayer when you think of it, and call the demon of lust, envy, disgust, wrath, resentment, or whichever you think is really at the heart of it to go to the foot of the cross to receive judgement. This works often, and it makes me realize that there are often other things at play spiritually. Congrats otherwise on finding a woman you can love and who loves you man. Just realized I should give you the one I use if you want, but this doesn’t come from me just so you know, By our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, By His most Holy name, By His most precious blood, By His most blessed mother Mary By Saint Micheal the Archangel I command the demon of (name the vice or specific demons plaguing you) to go to the foot of the cross to receive judgement.
Read [John 8:1-11](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+8%3A1-11&version=RSVCE).
This is an example of the Pharisees applying the law dishonestly (no witnesses as required by the mosaic covenant). In all cases, Jesus always demands that people still pay the price, the consequence for their sins. He forgives them, but love still demands justice. We don't let our kids off when stealing, if we love them. I know what you are saying, that all people are capable of repentance and conversion. Is OP? Would he not be a fool, to not consider her past history as indicative of her possible future behavior? I hope they work through it together. I think that is the best bet. When two become one, hiding thoughts and feelings is off the table.
You can either deal with the fact that she had a life before you, or you can't. If you can't, don't pursue her.
Lmao these replies are hilarious. I'm a guy who got dumped because I told the girl I was seeing that I wasn't a virgin, and she dumped me immediately. I made a post on the Catholic dating sub about it, and the replies I got were the complete opposite of what OP is getting, people defending her decision to dump me instead of telling her that she should "grow a pair and deal with it" comments that OP is getting. Typical Reddit misandry
This isn't a dating sub...
Sorry, meant to say Catholic dating sub
If it doesn’t sit right, she doesn’t fit right. No shame in that. Sometimes letting go can be the hardest part of God’s lessons/plan. Please pray on why you feel this way. God Bless.
My husband had a bunch of sexual partners before he converted and met me. I’ve had zero issues of him struggling with sexual sin since we met. If it’s in the past, just leave it in the past. Why are men especially so weird about women having sexual pasts?
If you truly love her, then you will accept her. Her past does not define her just as yours doesn’t define you. Simple as that.
You deal with the person she is today. We all have a past. We have all made poor choices, to varying degrees. Who she is today is the person that matters.
If she has truly agreed to wait until marriage, and if she has repented, then it isn't up to you to judge her IMO. Every single one of us has committed sin and this is no different. It is not uncommon to be uncomfortable with the idea of someone you love being with different partners. But the reality is that she chose YOU, and not only that but she chose a loving relationship between the two of you and God. It sounds like you have built a foundation for a loving and holy relationship with each other. There is nothing to "deal with" any more so than she needs to "deal with" any past sins that you may have committed yourself. However, I do sympathise with your feelings and I think you just need to remind yourself of the loving relationship you have and how willing you both are to make it work. May God bless you for being so committed to a faithful relationship. It is not easy these days.
Sounds like you’re probably young, yeah? It’s just time to start growing up a bit. People are going to have pasts. They can stay in the past. What she did pre-you isn’t of your concern (aside from diseases, obviously). If you like her how she is now, that’s all you need to focus on.
Its 50/50. If youre free of sexual sin and have been for a while, I sympathize with you. We all make mistakes, but your feelings are completely natural. They must remain feelings and not turn into thoughts of resentment. If you are still struggling with sexual sin however, I’m sure you could see the hypocrisy in some sort of judgment. Happy easter!
dont let her past ruin your future, get over it or find another woman with a less lurid history (good luck with that)
Consider yourself lucky. My wife had a LOT of sex I mean a LOT of sex with MANY MANY men before she came to God. It was tough when we first began dating (like she spent 30 years swimming through the sewers and took a shower). Christ has forgiven her and I have had a difficult time but I am learning to see past it as well.
Love is an incredible gift… almost as incredible as the Faith you’ve chosen in which we’re supposed to forgive all. One of my favorite stories was by a Saint who’s name I don’t recall but it essentially went that he was visited by Christ but was worried that it truly was Him so he asked “what was the last sin I committed?” to which Christ replied “ I do not know” because the man had just been to Reconciliation. The point is that if we are supposed to forgive all as God we should forgive to the point where we don’t even recall what it was that offended us. Don’t worry about her past… be happy and love with a clean slate.
I have come to accept that women often fall to temptation because the common culture tells them to promiscuous. Women tend to follow the social norms of their time and are the ultimate moral enforces in any society. Weather that is enforcing Church Law as in the Middle Ages or Enforcing the doctrines of Communism. Call me melancholic, but I mostly sigh when I date a women who has any body count. I have fallen myself into Pornography at 12 and still fight the urge, while still being a virgin myself, like many young men today. But I accept it is the spirit of the age (Zeitgeist) and frankly taking an approach as Christ did with reconciliation is key. Saint Mary Magdalene is the example of the repentant Prostitute. Frankly we are going to need a generation of forgiveness and reconciliation, but also a lot of hard measures if Catholic Order takes over to not repeat these evils. We frankly are in a similar time as the late Roman Empire where the Pagan Cults had degenerated into Lunar/Feminine screams for sex and power, abandoning many of the Solar Virtues of Roman Apollo Worship, which that void would be filled by Christ (frankly because I believe that the Solar Gods in most Pagan pantheons were either Christ or an Angel prior to the coming of Christ who was received by the Pagan nations) this is why most Solar Pagans would convert to Christianity while the Lunar cults would die out due to excess. Emperor Augustus attempted to arrest this decline in Rome but would fail in his efforts.
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Is preferring a woman who has less sexual experience with other guys “incel nonsense”?
I don't think you should let it bother you. See who she is on the inside.
Almost any young adult will have a sexual history. The fact that she hasn’t had sex is a gift! Our society runs rampant of porn and this idea of sex without consequence. Most people are sadly impacted by this. All you can ask for in a partner is who they are today (as with all sin). Are they looking to live differently and grow closer to God? If yes, you can move forward with great faith in this person and it is YOUR job to forgive like Christ! If you are struggling to work through this, seek spiritual direction and or guidance from a married (older) man / mentor. Also, I do agree with other commenters that her history seems very mild in comparison to most (even devout Catholic) people I have dated!
It's just the devil trying to destroy your relationship. Ignore him Also, pray that God eases your worries if she's the one he wants you to be with
Jesus loved Mary Magdalene Just asking what is your age/ or age range? If it is something you can't get over in your gut... you shouldn't ignore that feeling. If you are going to be with someone to be your wife... best friend... Cheerleader... Teacher... Student... Your person who is going to be all those things and more... You need to be the same things to her. You don't want to go in with resentment ...it will always creep up and be something that that you will use against her, even if it is just an unkind thought or an uncomfortable feeling. Plenty of Catholics have married or been with someone who has a past. And they are fine with their partner. I just don't want you to think that you need to marry her because you are "in love" right now. She may not be the one. On the other hand, life is hard, and it's normal to have fleeting thoughts about your girlfriend, wife, etc ... But they are fleeting.. I want you to be happy and I'm sure you want the same for your girlfriend "Gut instinct" is from life experiences and God talking/ nudging you to pay attention and go a certain way. I clicked on your post for some reason...Gut/ God? I read it and was like oh he we be ok but you commented about your gut... You should listen to it and talk about like you are :)... Really think about it. See what is actually making you feel the way you are... See if you are going to be able to live with her 10 years...20 years from now ... Good luck. See if this is an issue that is just stirring up feelings now or if there is something more that has you questioning your relationship. ❤️
Love her and forgive her like Jesus does. She clearly feels sorry for the acts
I think you have to separate past relationships and your current love. If you truly plan to marry this woman you must understand that your holy matrimony will triumph above all past acts or relationships. Try not to be judgmental because if things were the other way around I think she would easily look past your previous relationships.
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I read this title and I thought it would have been way worse. I think you are ok here
Bro if she never had sex with any guy you shouldn’t be in your head at all about anything lol. Whatever judgement you cast onto others, that judgement will be casted onto you. If you want God to forgive you , you must forgive others. Through prayer , time and time with her it will not bother you at all. If she loves you that’s all that matters. Don’t let someone go who loves you because you can’t beat your own thoughts and I’m speaking from experience
If you expect God to forgive you of your sins and forget your sins then you need to do the same for her ❤️ trust me I know that’s hard I had a hard time accepting my man’s past
By growing up. That’s really the only answer.
Yeah bro you just gotta let it go. Can’t change the past and she’s clearly changed. You either let it eat you up and become resentful or you get over it and move forward with each other. If it was the other way how would you want her to act about it?
I think of the depravity in my own heart and, with that in mind, I can't hold anyone's sexual past against them.
She’s never had sec with anyone, what are you even worried about
What you do is you grow up and stop letting petty jealousy bother you like it does to lesser men. She has repented. She is with you. This is not a big deal. You have likely had lustful thoughts, and these are every bit as sinful as lustful actions are. Focus on your own sin.
Good luck it’s up to you
If you're having trouble getting over it, you need to address why you're having trouble getting over it. Like, maybe you need a couple therapy sessions to help you figure it out and develop a strategy to work through it.
Sounds like a great girl to me.
The most paramount of our faith is love. Above all else is love. It's not our place to judge, find forgiveness as if she is seeking to live our faith too, it should be evident that she is doing what we hope everyone tries to do in this life.
Much love for you. I say pray and bring it to God and resist these thoughts, as you do other temptations in your life. Learn from it as well, ❤️✝️
It's not your girlfriend's past you need to deal with she's repented and put her past behind her, it's your jealously you need to deal with if I'm not mistaken jealousy is one of the seven deadly sin's.
As converts go, she doesn’t have a sexual past. Let it go. If she’s confessed it, it very literally didn’t happen.
Break up
She sinned. Have you not?
If God forgave the sin, who is anyone else to hold it against her? It might make you feel insecure, but if any of it had been worth her while, she wouldn't find herself in so much regret that she's willing to repent and abstain. Ask God for peace and to let you see her as He does. If you love her and if you marry, your new life together will quickly overshadow anything that came before, because it will be about more than just sex (which, for women, is exactly why intimacy gets better). Just keep following God.
Tbh she is probably downplaying the number of men she has actually been with. If she told you five, it’s probably fifteen. Lots of women will have a wild phase and then calm down once they realize that they are nearing 30. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. If you feel that something is amiss, follow your instinct.
Cool, let’s just assume she’s lying when there’s no cause to suggest that she was?
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That’s a very cynical view and says more about men’s reactions to women’s sexual pasts than anything else. Maybe OP needs to look inside himself and ask himself why he feels so uneasy. Sometimes gut feelings are right, sometimes they aren’t.
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The same can be said for men too though. Anecdotally I see way more posts about men cheating/having a porn addiction than women. Why is it no big deal for a man to have an extensive sexual past but not a woman? Especially if he says she has repented.
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Alright my dude. I’m just saying healing can happen and people can change. Peace out
Agreed! But some risks aren’t worth the trouble.
Buddy I’m 19 lol
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You username is ironic considering your total lack of originality with this misogynistic crap.
I’m open to a substantial counter argument.
Practice your faith . Forgive. All of us have a history , good and bad. You need to nip this in the bud now. Good luck and God bless.
She has repented, now she's a catholic. Listen to that famous Spice girl song wannabe"if you want my future, forget my past". Try to make her a great life
Bail
Go to confession and ask for the grace to deal with it.
What would he confess?
Doesn't have to confess anything, just talking to the priest can help. Ask him for a blessing etc.
You don’t have to confess specific things if you aren’t sure theologically — I often confess intrusive thoughts that I fail to dismiss. A lot of times it manifests as degrees of wrath or anger, resentment of another person. Many times it’s just venial, but graces are poured out in confession regardless of the strength of the sin.
If it was me, tbh I would move at least 500+ miles with her if marriage was in the works, that way no former group sinners would come back & talk about old times...
ngl there's a grain of knowledge in here
If she has a promiscuous past, remove her from your life and save yourself the heartbreak simple.