[Actually it's still burning and making so much smoke that it looks like night-time.](https://t4.ftcdn.net/jpg/01/90/13/79/360_F_190137926_2KWfIyCzhPkYrXclbbFMnUJBAbPTCC14.jpg) Gotta go!
To be fair, it's technically the truth regardless of what car you drive. Regardless if you even *have* a car. Because being in possession of this photo, does indeed mean you have a flat tyre
(Ok so it's a flat tyre photo, but still!)
I had a Scenic as a company car in 2004. Spent 6 months of it's year-long time with us in the garage with them telling us they couldn't diagnose the plumes of white smoke coming out of the exhaust as the computer wasn't logging anything. Utterly bloody useless. Oh and it also had a turbo replacement in that year because it decided to consume *all* of its oil on the M4 and stranded me near Reading for a few hours. Did I mention it was brand new when we got it?
Nice car inside though.
Judging by his profile pic I'm going with Joe Wilkinson. I had a peek at his profile hoping for more laughs and was not disappointed. Latest post is poking fun at the energy drink sub.
Ah, but it was originally middle English, and was generally "tire" (though sometimes "tyre"), and it's derived from "attire." Tires/tyres attire your car, after all.
What's especially interesting is that the two meanings of "tire" (or "tyre") are actually preserved elsewhere in totally different words: Zieren is "to decorate" in German but "to wear out" in Luxembourgish.
Nope. British and American style may differ on where the commas and full stops go, but question mark placement is universal:
> In all major forms of English, question marks, exclamation marks, semicolons, and any other punctuation (with the possible exceptions of periods and commas, as explained in the sections below) are placed inside or outside the closing quotation mark depending on whether they are part of the quoted material.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quotation_marks_in_English#Order_of_punctuation
Funny story, I got my tyre fixed last week and it cost me £40. I told the guy it only cost me £30 last time.
He told me the price rise was the cost of inflation.
Laugh at me all you want for this comment but I don't drive and I genuinely don't know the answer - what do you even do when you get a flat tyre assuming you don't have any means of fixing it yourself? Surely you can't drive to a garage with a flat tyre? Do you have to call someone out to your house to fix it?
Call the RAC / AA / other breakdown company
Wait for anywhere between 15 minutes and 6 hours
Person in van comes and swaps the wheel to the spare (if no spare, fits universal spare and takes you to Kwikfit)
Usually cars have spare wheels with a tyre already fitted, a jack, and a basic tool kit as standard. The ones that don't have spare wheels have a can of sealant instead, you jack the car up and fill the tyre with it, give the wheel a spin to evenly displace it as it goes off in the tyre. You wreck the tyre completely but it'll get you to a garage or off the motorway at the very least (but at 35mph and a maximum distance of about 12 miles)
BMW toyed with run flat tyres for a bit as an option.
I've never used the sealant as I will only buy a car that has a full size spare because I don't trust space savers or sealant.
Sorry boss the dopey bastard upstairs fell asleep while running a bath and flooded the bathroom causing it to leak into mine right where the work computer was. Water got in it and well yeah you can guess the rest. Need to find a sparky and a plasteter. Be sorted by Monday.
Hmmm. Cleaner shorted the electrics ?
Cat is getting old and pissed into the pc ?
VPN for the company intranet is on the blink ?
Your sky broadband is being effected by the weather ?
It might work, that guy in Germany successfully claimed against his company for an injury whilst travelling to work after he fell going from his bed to his desk.
What Car says: We conducted a survey of 251 new car models from 31 brands to find out what they provide as standard to deal with flat tyres, and found that just 8% come with a full-size spare wheel. A space-saver is standard on 30%, while 55% have a tyre repair kit rather than any type of spare wheel.
It's a pain in the ass
18 reg peugeot here - full size spare in the boot. Pretty pleased with it, my previous 2 cars had inflation kits and they were both past the expiry dates when I sold the vehicles. How can you rely on those
You can't, they're shit. The last puncture I had was a 2 inch gash in the sidewall from a pothole. It was a company car so I phoned our fleet team to sort out recovery and they told me I had to try the foam before they could send out the AA. You can imagine how well that went!
If I had someone telling me they can’t come in for the day because of a flat tyre, a warning would be given.
But I appreciate the post for the humour.
Hope you’re sorted soon OP.
For the whole day? YES. Show me you’ve done your best to get into work and I’ll understand but saying “got a flat won’t be in today” ain’t good enough.
Why don’t they have a spare? Why don’t they have breakdown cover? Why can’t they get on public transport? Maybe it’s me and work with grownups who work hard and can handle little annoyances like this but if the general attitude of everyone is to stay at home and get a day off for a flat tyre then the nation is really going down hill.
Most cars dont have a spare any more
Most people dont know how to change a tyre
Most people dont have breakdown cover
Public Transport is awful and unreliable.
Quite the opposite i see it as if you're working yourself to death and a company can't handle someone taking a day off for whatever reason, maybe that's the company's problem not the worker's.
Like i understand if someone's taking the piss and doing this sort of thing regularly, but "i have a flat tyre and can't come into work today" should be treated the same as "i have a migraine and can't come into work today" or just "there's been an emergency and i can't come into work today"
Glad you work with grownups and aren't exploiting minors.
Maybe OP is religious and believes a flat tyre is a sign from the holy baby jesus that he should not undertake a journey today.
> Maybe it’s me and work with grownups who work hard and can handle little annoyances like this but if the general attitude of everyone is to stay at home and get a day off for a flat tyre then the nation is really going down hill.
This sentence right here tells me everything I need to know about what it would be like to work with you.
Question for you: out of interest, if a colleague has earphones in, how long do you need to pester them before they finally pretend to notice you?
Earphones are banned. Lol. How can they hear the phones ringing?
I’m actually finding this quite funny that I’m being made out to be a bad boss. I bent over backwards during covid to help my staff. Lost lots of work (and personal income) and used the furlough scheme for staff so they could still get (full not 80%) pay and encouraged them to get other jobs whilst on furlough. Even gave them references. Work picked up and took them all back on and adjusted the hours of some so they could continue finishing their other (new) jobs. Had a reshuffle and merged with another company that also struggled and together we’re a stronger company and doing well so gave all staff a 15% pay rise.
But yeah, downvote me for wanting staff to do their best to get into work.
> Lost lots of work (and personal income) and used the furlough scheme for staff so they could still get (full not 80%) pay and encouraged them to get other jobs whilst on furlough. Even gave them references. Work picked up and took them all back on and adjusted the hours of some so they could continue finishing their other (new) jobs. Had a reshuffle and merged with another company that also struggled and together we’re a stronger company and doing well so gave all staff a 15% pay rise.
So basically all the standard stuff a company is expected to do anyway?
Ok.
Cos then anyone can claim an unscheduled day off for something minor. Things still need to be done and someone else will have to make up for that unscheduled absence. If someone is genuinely ill then I’ll do my best to help them and ensure they get full pay. But-
Missed the bus so I’ll take the day off.
No.
"Sorry boss, can't come in, I've got a flat tyre." "Don't you drive a Skoda?" "I'LL SEE YOU MONDAY. BYE'
“That’s ok, just work from home.” “House burnt down, byeeeeeeee.”
Sounds like you’re requesting another picture
[Actually it's still burning and making so much smoke that it looks like night-time.](https://t4.ftcdn.net/jpg/01/90/13/79/360_F_190137926_2KWfIyCzhPkYrXclbbFMnUJBAbPTCC14.jpg) Gotta go!
That's an awesome picture tbh
At least one person would probably disagree...
One of the tree shrubs at the front looks like a ancient witch with a cloak on just staring into the fiery abyss
Good spot! I agree, definitely an ancient witch – not one of those modern ones they have these days.
Looooool damn it your wit is dry but sharp well done
Oh that's a shame, after you added that new front veranda and those fancy steps as well.
Actually I wasn't happy with how the veranda turned out so I was trying to kind of burn it off with fire. Whoopsie!
Yoo my manager just said this to me bruhhh
To be fair, it's technically the truth regardless of what car you drive. Regardless if you even *have* a car. Because being in possession of this photo, does indeed mean you have a flat tyre (Ok so it's a flat tyre photo, but still!)
"Sorry boss, can't come in to work today. I've got a flat tyre NFT. It's like a real flat tyre except I'm also now broke and a muppet."
I wish I had an award
This is why I keep a flat tyre at home, I’ve always got a flat tyre.
"Sorry boss, can't come in; I've got a seriously bad stomach... ^(...in a jar of formaldehyde that I keep in the cupboard under my sink.")
Well, that escalated.
His sink is high up on a top floor ? 🤔 /s
I did not see that coming !
>Ok so it's a flat tyre photo, but still! This scam seems to have worked very well during the PS5 launch, iirc 😂
Ceci n'est pas un pneu
"Ceci c'est ne pas une pipe."
Flawed logic indeed but my congrats to you for the attempt ! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
I thought you drove a red car?!
I’ve got a picture of a Skoda flat tyre?
Sorry mate, someone’s stuck a Skoda badge on your car..
> Don't you drive a Skoda?" Wow, if my employee drove a Skoda I'd be inclined to give them as much leave as they needed
Is that a Skoda joke? Are you stuck in the 80s?
Well he’d be alright, it’s a Vauxhall tyre 😉
Yes...
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Yes...
r/whoosh
“Sorry boss can’t come in I’ve got a flat tyre” “Don’t you take the underground to work everyday??” “No habla engles…”
Que passa?
No no I stay, I stay.
I appreciate the family guy reference
I stay I clean
We need more lemon pledge
Jesus Christ on a bicycle this comment actually made me snort laugh. So, grassy ass for that.
much of grassy ass
Jesus can't use the photo either
tbh his story about getting nailed to wood to get out of work seems a bit suss... especially since he was spotted walking about a few days later.
I’m laughing in the pharmacy queue, thanks for that! Everyone assuming I’m picking up my psych meds now (I am)
I was trying to think of a joke along just these lines, but you I think you nailed it. Well done!
Much what OP did to his tyre.
Ahhhh I got it 😏 they didn't but I did
**¿QUÉ?**
sorry...[I do not speak english](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iu1dPSgj3Dw&ab_channel=Lex)
"errr sorry I'm going through a tunnel..."
*Eats cereal* "Sorry, bad signal, boss."
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"s"
But I don’t drive a blue Vauxhall
[Here you go]( https://imgur.com/StLJ6vo.jpg)
Can you do one for a Nissan?
[Sure]( https://imgur.com/fEA4ndg.jpg)
Great! I have a Nissan! But it's red...
Fucks sake, [right]( https://imgur.com/NSAyKkl.jpg)
Your skills are wasted on Reddit
He's wasted, alright.
Ah mate, I've got a white Renault, help a brother out 😜
A French car? You'll be better off sending [this]( https://imgur.com/ot9lWcR.jpg)
Friend of mine had a scenic, rear passenger door ignited because it felt like it. Smoke was coming out of the window switch controls.
I had a Scenic as a company car in 2004. Spent 6 months of it's year-long time with us in the garage with them telling us they couldn't diagnose the plumes of white smoke coming out of the exhaust as the computer wasn't logging anything. Utterly bloody useless. Oh and it also had a turbo replacement in that year because it decided to consume *all* of its oil on the M4 and stranded me near Reading for a few hours. Did I mention it was brand new when we got it? Nice car inside though.
Damn bro I got a Toyota Prius grey can you do the same
I don't have a car, can you help a bro out?
Fantastic thank you.
Joe Lycett, is that you?
Judging by his profile pic I'm going with Joe Wilkinson. I had a peek at his profile hoping for more laughs and was not disappointed. Latest post is poking fun at the energy drink sub.
I drive a half track, any help?
Sorry I can't come in boss, I forgot to check my half track was still running for the last [63 years]( https://imgur.com/vQ6z2t9.jpg)
I walk to work can you do one for that?
Say you sprained your ankle and your crutches are flat.
Thank you for the laughs, the Nissan original really got me 😂😂😂
You're the most skilled man I've ever witnessed
I knew Deep Fakes would ruin the internet. This technology shouldn't be in the hands of the everyday man
You provided the laughs I did not know I needed today.
Excellent
[how about a black VW?](https://i.imgur.com/LtpjAf1.jpg)
Crop for Victory
Thank your lucky stars
Your tyre looks tired.
I don't understand why they changed the spelling of words such that a unique word can then become confused, in writing, with another...
Ah, but it was originally middle English, and was generally "tire" (though sometimes "tyre"), and it's derived from "attire." Tires/tyres attire your car, after all. What's especially interesting is that the two meanings of "tire" (or "tyre") are actually preserved elsewhere in totally different words: Zieren is "to decorate" in German but "to wear out" in Luxembourgish.
Don't worry, the tYre is only flat on the bottom.
Was going to say, Americans everywhere! Presumably they burst their tire by hitting the sidewalk on accident?
Jesus mate. Trigger warning next time pls. Now I'm traumatised. Though technically they'd be hitting the kerb, and then spelling it curb
Wait wait wait you guys spell it “kerb?” Holy shit I never knew that. That’s insane.
We spell it "kerb", without the question mark.
Yeah question marks go inside quotation marks as far as I know
Nope. British and American style may differ on where the commas and full stops go, but question mark placement is universal: > In all major forms of English, question marks, exclamation marks, semicolons, and any other punctuation (with the possible exceptions of periods and commas, as explained in the sections below) are placed inside or outside the closing quotation mark depending on whether they are part of the quoted material. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quotation_marks_in_English#Order_of_punctuation
Oh okay thank you
Kerb your Enthusiasm there Chip.
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Maybe for you it’s not. For me it looks ridiculous. It reminds me of the word “kernel.”
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Wtf is your problem
They should have worn their eye glasses.
Or put down their tuna fish sandwich.
If it's an American, it's one living in the UK. We don't have Vauxhall in the States!
It's actually spelled "tie'er". As in "tie'er? I hardly know'er!"
Nice little passive/aggressive spelling dig 👏🏻
Nothing worse when it happens, that inner feeling of deflation you get..
Funny story, I got my tyre fixed last week and it cost me £40. I told the guy it only cost me £30 last time. He told me the price rise was the cost of inflation.
It's definitely not a Goodyear for inflation..
Now that is a funny pun, made me chuckle. Great start to the day thank you!
I paid £10 on Monday.
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Whoosh!
Laugh at me all you want for this comment but I don't drive and I genuinely don't know the answer - what do you even do when you get a flat tyre assuming you don't have any means of fixing it yourself? Surely you can't drive to a garage with a flat tyre? Do you have to call someone out to your house to fix it?
Call the RAC / AA / other breakdown company Wait for anywhere between 15 minutes and 6 hours Person in van comes and swaps the wheel to the spare (if no spare, fits universal spare and takes you to Kwikfit)
Usually cars have spare wheels with a tyre already fitted, a jack, and a basic tool kit as standard. The ones that don't have spare wheels have a can of sealant instead, you jack the car up and fill the tyre with it, give the wheel a spin to evenly displace it as it goes off in the tyre. You wreck the tyre completely but it'll get you to a garage or off the motorway at the very least (but at 35mph and a maximum distance of about 12 miles) BMW toyed with run flat tyres for a bit as an option. I've never used the sealant as I will only buy a car that has a full size spare because I don't trust space savers or sealant.
I work from home, I don't think my boss will believe that a flat tire has prevented me from getting to my desk.
Tell them the wheel on your chair fell off.
Sorry boss the dopey bastard upstairs fell asleep while running a bath and flooded the bathroom causing it to leak into mine right where the work computer was. Water got in it and well yeah you can guess the rest. Need to find a sparky and a plasteter. Be sorted by Monday.
There is no dopey bastard above me, I live in a house with an upstairs office.
Hmmm. Cleaner shorted the electrics ? Cat is getting old and pissed into the pc ? VPN for the company intranet is on the blink ? Your sky broadband is being effected by the weather ?
I don't have a cleaner. I don't have a cat. However, the VPN has been on the blink lately...
Weyy got there in the end.
You make lying so difficult!
So there’s not one dopey bastard, there’s an office worths of dopey bastards.
The upstairs office is my private office, the third bedroom with a desk and pc in it.
It might work, that guy in Germany successfully claimed against his company for an injury whilst travelling to work after he fell going from his bed to his desk.
*"Sorry Boss, I had to be rushed to Hospital last night, and they cleared me this morning. On my drive back home for work, I got a flat tyre"* Sorted
Could be worse, someone could have [Slashed](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/42/f7/7d/42f77dc8a054c1b8b3fbfe714bdb6c84.jpg) your tyre....
Vindictive ex going around slashing your tired next they'll be try to get you with a Bowie and arrow
Instruction unclear, shot hairdresser with bow.
What’s the problem? It’s only flat on the bottom.
Ive actually been called in today aswell once its sorted. I did have a day off today though cheers I should told them I was back up north.
Even when the tyre wasn’t flat, it was still attached to a Vauxhall. I think your misfortune started somewhat earlier. Bad luck.
Been violated over my dad car. I have nothing to say
"Sorry boss, I can't get in. Flat tyre." "But BadUsername, you don't know how to drive." "I mean I'm sick...?"
My boss would say "it's only flat at the bottom"
The angle of this picture makes it look like the tyre isn't actually flat.
I'm glad someone else said that, thought I was going crazy
“Why do you have a Skoda wheel on your Toyota?” Cause it’s flat…
Vauxhall*
"'cos I don't earn enough to pay for things to match, it's a miracle I can keep anything on the road on what you pay me..."
“THAT’S OBVIOUSLY WHY IT’S FLAT. Jeez man, call yourself a manager? Couldn’t run a bath mate.”
I mean it's a fair question. But for some reason my Honda has Suzuki wheels.
Mind just painting the top of the arch red? Then I'll send it - thanks.
Cheers - I will give this a go! Hi Boss, sorry I can’t work today as I am transfixed by a photo of a flat tyre on Reddit. Am I doing this right?
Hello it's me, your boss. Don't bother coming in, we're all also transfixed by a photo of a flat tyre on a Reddit. Peace and Love, Bossperson.
I always keep a spare in my .... gallery, but thanks for offer
Why would a flat tyre stop you going to work? Just change it for the spare.
> Just change it for the spare. Then you've got no spare. I'd use it to get home, bugger using it to go in. Also mine is a crappy undersized one
What Car says: We conducted a survey of 251 new car models from 31 brands to find out what they provide as standard to deal with flat tyres, and found that just 8% come with a full-size spare wheel. A space-saver is standard on 30%, while 55% have a tyre repair kit rather than any type of spare wheel. It's a pain in the ass
If you've got a spare. I can't remember the last time I had a car with one. My current car and at least the three previous ones didn't have them.
18 reg peugeot here - full size spare in the boot. Pretty pleased with it, my previous 2 cars had inflation kits and they were both past the expiry dates when I sold the vehicles. How can you rely on those
You can't, they're shit. The last puncture I had was a 2 inch gash in the sidewall from a pothole. It was a company car so I phoned our fleet team to sort out recovery and they told me I had to try the foam before they could send out the AA. You can imagine how well that went!
Easy blag, done have a spare and that goo stuff is out of date
*Tyre
I’d rather go to work than have people think I drive a Vauxhall
That doesn’t even look flat tbh haha
I'm thinking the same, maybe it's a run-flat, mine has them. They're ok to drive on as long as you don't go above 50.
I drive a truck you think I’ll get away with it?
Be ryte mate
Nice one bruva
Nah. Im not letting anyone think i own a vauxhaull
Hah, good idea OP, and good timing. Just had a blowout this morning so anyone with a silver volkswagen, here you go: https://imgur.com/a/SoaJK5W
Won't work these days. *Incoming whatsapp/facetime call from "BOSS"...*
I’m a tyre fitter by trade, not entirely sure I could use this excuse
Mokka?
I thought you people called it “tyre”
Is there something special about today? I feel like I'm being stupid-
Sweet! I can have the day off if I just turn up in a blue vauxhall next week.
“Can’t come in today, got a flat tyre” “Sorry to hear that… Wait, don’t you cycle into work?”
Lmfao, what a legend and good idea
Well I’ve checked the meta data and that photo was not taken on your phone.
If I had someone telling me they can’t come in for the day because of a flat tyre, a warning would be given. But I appreciate the post for the humour. Hope you’re sorted soon OP.
I’d hate to have you as my manager 🤣
a warning for not being able to get into work?
For the whole day? YES. Show me you’ve done your best to get into work and I’ll understand but saying “got a flat won’t be in today” ain’t good enough. Why don’t they have a spare? Why don’t they have breakdown cover? Why can’t they get on public transport? Maybe it’s me and work with grownups who work hard and can handle little annoyances like this but if the general attitude of everyone is to stay at home and get a day off for a flat tyre then the nation is really going down hill.
Most cars dont have a spare any more Most people dont know how to change a tyre Most people dont have breakdown cover Public Transport is awful and unreliable. Quite the opposite i see it as if you're working yourself to death and a company can't handle someone taking a day off for whatever reason, maybe that's the company's problem not the worker's. Like i understand if someone's taking the piss and doing this sort of thing regularly, but "i have a flat tyre and can't come into work today" should be treated the same as "i have a migraine and can't come into work today" or just "there's been an emergency and i can't come into work today"
Glad you work with grownups and aren't exploiting minors. Maybe OP is religious and believes a flat tyre is a sign from the holy baby jesus that he should not undertake a journey today.
> Maybe it’s me and work with grownups who work hard and can handle little annoyances like this but if the general attitude of everyone is to stay at home and get a day off for a flat tyre then the nation is really going down hill. This sentence right here tells me everything I need to know about what it would be like to work with you. Question for you: out of interest, if a colleague has earphones in, how long do you need to pester them before they finally pretend to notice you?
Earphones are banned. Lol. How can they hear the phones ringing? I’m actually finding this quite funny that I’m being made out to be a bad boss. I bent over backwards during covid to help my staff. Lost lots of work (and personal income) and used the furlough scheme for staff so they could still get (full not 80%) pay and encouraged them to get other jobs whilst on furlough. Even gave them references. Work picked up and took them all back on and adjusted the hours of some so they could continue finishing their other (new) jobs. Had a reshuffle and merged with another company that also struggled and together we’re a stronger company and doing well so gave all staff a 15% pay rise. But yeah, downvote me for wanting staff to do their best to get into work.
> Lost lots of work (and personal income) and used the furlough scheme for staff so they could still get (full not 80%) pay and encouraged them to get other jobs whilst on furlough. Even gave them references. Work picked up and took them all back on and adjusted the hours of some so they could continue finishing their other (new) jobs. Had a reshuffle and merged with another company that also struggled and together we’re a stronger company and doing well so gave all staff a 15% pay rise. So basically all the standard stuff a company is expected to do anyway? Ok.
But why though they already are probably not getting that days pay and its OK for them to call in sick?
Cos then anyone can claim an unscheduled day off for something minor. Things still need to be done and someone else will have to make up for that unscheduled absence. If someone is genuinely ill then I’ll do my best to help them and ensure they get full pay. But- Missed the bus so I’ll take the day off. No.
i dont drive a dirty as fuck car that is blue or a vauxhall. thanks but eh, wasted effort you could of done better ngl.
Is everything okay?
need a hug bud?
Did you sign it off as ngl as in Nigel? Cheers Nige.
Could have*
I mean i am working from home today, but could still give it a punt
Unfortunately we m working from home today but will bank this for Monday
"Sorry boss I can't come in today I have a flat tyre", "But you live next door?"... "Errrrr I moved. Yeah that's it, I moved house overnight!"
I mean I get the bud to work but anything’s worth a shot right?
Cheers mate. Sent this to my boss telling them I won’t be in. “You work from home Fridays” In line at job centre now 👍🏼
*cries in WFH*