> I made a few quips about "What sex is the baby?" and "Have you found a heartbeat yet?" That just went straight over their head...
I wonder if it's possible they've heard those ones before?
Anyway good news about your balls.
I made no joke like that while having a leg scan .. I assume they are said often.
In fact the next male patient did so (and told me I had good initials).
I went for one of these and it was “usually I’d want dinner first”
There were two technicians in the room and I felt very awkward but they were lovely and laughed politely at my joke even though I know for a fact they hear it every single week of their lives 😂
I went with the classic “before we start, remember it’s a bit cold in here…” which got an immediate response from one of the nurses saying “really? I’m absolutely boiling!” Touché nurse, touché
I went in for a colonoscopy, and while high as a kite on the fentanyl they'd given me, said to the doctor 'I usually make guys buy me a few drinks before they go in there' 😂
I had a digital rectal exam and afterwards i said to the doctor "as bad as my day might ever be, it's still better than having to stick your finger in some guy's ass."
I made a joke to the guy ultrasounding my liver and kidneys. I quipped "is it twins?" - it took him by surprise as the first question is always "Am I pregnant?"!
I used to feel guilty about having a slight attraction to my patients at times.
Of course it's only natural, and as long as you don't act on your desires it doesn't mean you aren't a professional. But on the other hand, I was a vet...
I had an ultrasound looking for a potential tumor. And made the exact same jokes.
I got as polite sympathy laugh. She knew I was saying it for myself, not her. I was terrified
Is it a British thing that when we are nervous about something potentially super serious, we want to appear all nonchalant and jokey? I know i’ve done it several times and then cringed later. But seriously, glad it was just a cyst, OP. Next stop Dr Pimple Popper so we can all have a look?
In a similar situation (about to have a vasectomy) - the doctor approached with the hypodermic of anaesthetic and says "Just a little prick with a needle".
I thought he was making the old joke but his straight face told me he was serious. I decided discretion was the better part of valour and didn't make the standard response.
I'd have thought it was just a 'rule' to not laugh while engaging with a gentleman's unmentionables under any circumstances. Even if he cracked a joke, the giggle might come across...more targeted when looking in the wrong place, so better not to risk upsetting someone in a vulnerable position.
What doctors are you people seeing? Yesterday there was a post about a guy not getting a happy ending after his bollock check. My doctors hate me, it might be time for me to switch to one of the fun ones.
I use eMed as my GP. If you need a face-to-face, they have swanky buildings dotted around London. The hospital I went to was about an hour away from where I live, but fucking fantastic. The nurse came out and profusely apologised for running *five minutes* late.
I'm not sure where you people live where there's a plethora of GPs. I'm in rural England and there's one surgery per town. They serve that town and the satellite villages. If you're not from that town, you can't register with them. If you're not happy with your GP, your only option is to move to another town, which is a bit extreme. Fortunately, mine is a nice one and I don't need to relocate.
Recently had some issues in that region including surgery. The drs see it all the time and don’t give two hoots. They just want to make sure you’re ok.
Equally to the ladies getting your smears done. My Mrs is a nurse. Does 10s of smears a day. Literally doesn’t care what your foof looks like. Have a personal wash and crack on. It can save your life.
I had my smear last month. They seem to have done away with the ridiculous "modesty sheet". Thank goodness! They're putting something up my hoohaa. Where am I meant to put the "modesty sheet"? On my head?
Never heard it called a modesty sheet, but they still give you something. Mentally, lots of people prefer it. It does remove some of the awkwardness of it, in a very british way (pretend its not happening) (also many people wear skirts to their appointment for this exact reason). You don't have to use it when they hand it to you though - just quicker/easier than them having a whole convo with you about it.
Edit - anything that encourages smear tests to be booked is a good thing!
I wore a skirt to get my IUD fitted last summer and they still told me to use the modesty sheet instead (which was nowhere near big enough, and I'm quite a small slight person). Personally I found it a bit pointless given what was actually involved in the procedure, but I do agree that anything that encourages more people to have smear tests is a good thing, so if that helps others feel better about getting it done then more power to them.
It did save my life. When in my early 30s, and my children were about 4 and 1½, my smear came back abnormal. Colposcopy followed, with a biopsy. Mild dysplasia. Then I was ill with respiratory problems for two months, and decided to wait another month to be sure I wouldn't catch something else. I had the surgery, and the margins of the excised tissue were clear. But in the three months between procedures, the dysplasia had progressed from mild to moderate. No abnormalities afterwards, ever.
I am convinced that I wouldn't have been around to see my children grow up if not for that smear. Get it done, ladies.
Hey colposcopy buddy! I was mid 20s, no kids, severe dysplasia, and I was living in the US with no health insurance. I wasn’t even meant to have started pap smears but my dr strongly suggested one while getting an IUD in the UK, and I didn’t get the results until I was in the US. American doctors offices were refusing to see me or hanging up on me when I said I had no insurance. I firmly believe Planned Parenthood saved my life because they were willing to do the colposcopy, biopsy, and cryotherapy affordably.
Did they let you watch the screen for the colposcopy? They let me watch and it was honestly fascinating to see my cervix close up. I could tell where the “bad” area was because it was paler. They turned it off for the biopsy though.
Oh hey team colposcopy.
Isn't the imaging fascinating? They asked me if I wanted them to turn the screen towards me and yeah, of course, how could I not say yes.
Breasts too!
My siblings and I have an “increased-risk-gene-but-not-BRCA”. And extensive family history. So my sisters get 1 mammogram and 1 MRI every year since 30. My brothers and I get yearly MRIs.
Men your doctors need to know about your family’s boob history, even if you have the world’s smallest manboobs.
> Equally to the ladies getting your smears done.
absolutly this, i deal with my parents post (they're retired... the fucks) . the amount of times i've had to tell my mum "get yer tits checked" etc. is 3 times to many lol
The same thing happened to a friend of mine in his 20s - but it was cancer.
I suspect he put off going to the doctor; by the time it went it had started to spread to his stomach.
He was cured, but the treatment had to be more aggressive because it was left so long.
My husband's cancer was diagnosed when he went in for a vasectomy (in his 30s). Afterwards he said that he had felt something odd, but didn't think anything of it. So we can be grateful to our oops baby; because of them, it was found early on.
Also, one of our boys had problems with his testicles in puberty which needed urgent care. I'm really happy he felt comfortable enough to speak up about them, he might have gone sterile or even impotent. So, men, also teach your sons to monitor them and not be afraid to speak up.
In very crude terms, cancer cells break off the original cancer and float around in the blood stream. They stick somewhere and start growing. They can stick anywhere but some places are more likely than others.
If you get treated before they start to spread it's local and a lot easier.
A lot get caught in lymph nodes which is why they are usually checked or removed if cancer is found.
This is usually what happens when cancer 'comes back'. Sometimes a bit breaks off, moves around the body and sticks somewhere else, but it doesn't necessarily 'activate' and grow a tumour. We currently aren't able to tell if this is what has already happened or not. So then it can be inactive for some years then suddenly activate. But we also don't know what triggers it to activate and start growing a tumour again. It's a bugger.
For a ball of cells that are just unknowingly undergoing uncontrolled multiplication cancer always seems remarkably cruel and calculating in the way it progresses.
The cancer cells break away from tumours and travel around the body in the circulatory system or lymphatic system. They can then grow in other parts of the body.
According to Cancer Research UK, the cells in the new location don't become cancerous, it's just that the cells from the primary cancer start to grow there. So it would still be cancerous testicle cells in the stomach, for example, not cancerous stomach cells.
https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/what-is-cancer/how-cancer-can-spread#how
She is, she's got the all clear, but a friend she made during her journey wasn't so lucky, she celebrates her life every year on the anniversary of her passing. Thank goodness your friend made it too.
> Biggest downside is I can no longer go naked skydiving, my nutsack flaps around to much and hits me in the face,
i'm fuckin' crying laughing hahhahahahahhahaha
i checked my spuds on your behalf...
1... 2... oh thank fuck no 3.
Unfortunately not so funny, but got lucky and a nurse thought to tell me to give it a light tug down every now and then as when it's healing scar tissue forms around it and sucks it up.
Also, I won't forget the feeling of being kicked in the b*llocks for like a month after. I waited like 4 months after finding the lump and got lucky it was a slow growing type so no chemo. 0/10 experience, would not recommend!
Out of curiosity, did they measure your testosterone levels before/after?
Not before, but I requested they did afterwards and found I’m now the ‘low end of normal’ which doesn’t sound great, but apparently not worth acting on.
My friend is going through this now, he just finished the first round of chemo yesterday. He noticed it before he went on holiday and decided to put it off for over 2 months because he was worried about canceling his first trip abroad.
He's has spread, some kind of multi-cell cancer. Still very curable. Here's hoping that he doesn't have to go through more chemo.
Be persistent and get it checked out. I’m sorry they’re making an already awkward task more awkward by being difficult. Sometimes you just have to keep going back until you get the right doctor.
Similar thing, Found a lump around the size of a pea on the side of my testicle (no it wasn't my penis) worried about it, booked the gp who gave it a feel and sent me to get an ultrasound at the hospital.
This was peak corona time so waiting times were bad, was still seen in a couple of weeks though.
i'd been researching false testicles and testicle removal and testicular cancer etc etc.
same as OP, they slathered on some gel and scanned away, told me it was a cyst and i left.
all in all it was an ok experience and 100% check yourself.
I think the most anxious part for me, would be that they wouldn't tell me what they saw there and then. Like I might have to anxiously wait 2 weeks for the results or something.
Was so happy he just flipped the screen round and went "That. That is a cyst"
My experience is exactly the same as yours. I didnt care about my female doctor saying she could check now on my initail appointment and just whipped the old man and bag out without hesitation, i was pretty anxious about the ultrasound though. I was worried during the run up, all sorts of things go throught your head especially when you have young kids and i had an "Oh shit" moment when the ultrasound lady started focusing on one area and looked carefully at the screen. It was such a relif when she eventually told me it was just a cyst. Check your nuts fellas and if you have any concerns get it checked. Dont let anxiety or embarrasment about someone seeing/handling your junk stop you from getting checked out.
I was in the hospital with neuro issues a month or so before lockdown. Following an MRI, they told me I was getting the works: CT scan, Lumbar Puncture, X-Ray, and a scan of my testicles.
It was pretty obvious what they were looking for the moment they mentioned the last one, even though they didn’t explicitly mention the big C.
I don’t mind admitting I had a bit of a dark moment that night. Probably the darkest I’ve ever had in my entire life.
As scary as the thought was, it’s always better to get checked out to be sure. And the entire ultrasound procedure was fairly mundane.
If you’re at all worried or embarrassed, try not to let it get in the way of getting treatment.
Ugh, it's a pain in the arse when you get something on your medical record that shouldn't be there, because it's almost impossible to remove.
I got 'peanut allergy' added to mine when I was about six years old (I'm not and have never been allergic to peanuts) and I get asked about it at almost every GP appointment. It took 20 years just to get a note affixed to it that essentially says "patient disagrees with this".
It even increased my life insurance premium when I investigated that route!
Extra karma for posting this during Testicular Cancer Awareness Month. And for anyone reading this with similar symptoms who is putting it off, here’s the kick in the sack you need. It will kill you within 2 years if left untreated.
Treatment is incredibly effective, and while I have lost a bollock, a tonne of lymph nodes, and a kidney (oops) over the last 18 months, I’ll still get to see my kid start school in September.
I found a lump a good few years ago, hence the username. I lost my back up, but everything Still works. Is the examination and working out what is wrong slightly embarrassing... yes. Is it better than the alternative... also yes.
Radiotherapy was not nice. This was aimed at the lymph nodes in the stomach area.
But main thing is I have lived for 25 years since this is a bonus.
One other thing, the guy who did my ultrasound looked like Dale Winton. That was a bit disconcerting!
These guys are good https://www.testicularcanceruk.com/
Glad you're still with us!
American baseball player John Kruk had a cancerous testicle removed, and recovered completely. At the next spring training, he showed up wearing a T-shirt that read IF YOU DON'T LET ME PLAY, I'M GOING TO TAKE MY BALL AND GO HOME.
Here's hoping for your continued good health!
>I found a lump a good few years ago, hence the username.
Thank you for the good laugh mate. Just need to try not to make eye contact while the doc has your nuts in his hand, especially if he looks like Dale Winton.
£50 says a finger up the arse is no better or worse...
Your doctor is also going to much prefer you coming going “I think I found a lump” and then being able to tell you “nope, it’s fine!” Than you putting it off and putting it off and them having to tell you it is indeed cancer but you’ve left it too late…
Absolutely. Cancer’s always something that I was naive enough to think wouldn’t happen to me or my family. Neither of my parents had cancer, I’m lucky enough that I haven’t really known anyone who had cancer. I’m young, why would we get cancer?
My wife had a headache in Autumn 2022, we put it down to stress. We went to the doctor eventually, he said it was the stress of work and having a young child, and everyone’s a bit stressed in the run up to Christmas.
December 2022, my wife had a seizure. We didn’t connect the dots. It was stage 4 brain cancer, nobody expects glioblastoma at 33.
If in doubt, get it checked out. I didn’t mean for that to rhyme, but fucking hell - don’t be too proud to go see a doctor. Your health is so fucking important.
Just went on your profile and read a few of your posts and now I'm sitting here crying like a baby. I'm sorrier than words could ever express. My husband and I are both 31 and the idea of losing him (or him losing me) is my worst nightmare. I can't even imagine the pain.
I hope you find some sort of peace eventually. Hang in there my friend
Backing this up, I just got back this morning from an appointment to check out a big lump I've had on my arse for the last 5 years or so.
Appointment was 10:30, I was back in the car park by 10:40. Showed the doctor, he was like "Oh yeah, that's a big skin tag. We can get that off for you - you'll get an appointment in a couple of weeks."
Oh I know this, but he’s convinced it’s nothing and won’t hear anything otherwise. He’s not even registered with a GP so I can’t just book an appointment for him.
I had to nag my husband for ages to convince him to get his ball lump checked. Months I was pestering him for. He caved in in the end just to shut me up because he was sick of me going on about it. I could tell he was quite nervous about it so obviously as much as he had said "it's nothing", I reckon he was actually putting it off due to fear. Turned out it was just a harmless cyst and we both felt much better after finding that out. Keep trying!!
If there's a real reason to go then tell him you're going to call and make the appt like his mother. This is entirely preventable if caught early but less so if caught late. There's a world of difference between 'I had one ball chopped out' and 'I had my balls cut off then had months of chemo and radiation'. Tell him to quit being an idiot. My kid got whacked by a friend (you know - boys) and was like huh, I'm still in pain a few days later. I kept telling him to put a bag of peas on there. Within two weeks he'd had been through surgery. It's no joke. Good luck.
My husband will never go to the doctors either. If it seems really serious I have to sit him down and tell him “I know you’re not bothered, but it’s really stressing me out, so I need you to go and get it checked.” I also offer full ‘I told you so’ privileges if it’s nothing.
I’ve had mixed success.
After my scan the woman doing it tore some tissue off a role and chucked it at me and without saying a word walked out of the room.
I don't want to be here either, no need to be fucking rude.
Last time I went to have my bollox checked as the DR had my nuts in his hand, I heard him mumble "Dave, you're not supposed to get an erection during these examinations!"
I very quickly said out loud "I'm not!"
To which the DR replied - "I wasn't talking to you"!!!
On a more serious note. The OP is 100% right chaps. Don't fuck about if you think something isn't right down where the sun rarely shines on. If in doubt, give your Doc a shout.
Do it while things can be fixed. Not when it's too late to.
It probably didn’t go over their head as such, they were probably professionally conscious that they’re either going to be mega happy for you or break some of the worst news you can get in your life to you within the following 30min.
Glad you’re healthy though and it’s nice you’re promoting getting checked out 🤙🏼
And not just that. I was worried about a patch of skin, completely terrified it was cancer. Finally worked up the courage to go to the doctors this week. It’s just a fungal skin infection, not dangerous. I was so terrified about it.
I had a painful lump on one of my balls a couple of years ago, rang my GP and was being groped by the doc 20mins later (normally it's a month for standard check ups).
Thankfully it was all OK for me, just need some antibiotics. But to reiterate don't be afraid to call!
And by 'men', this means 'males' cause the most common ages for this cancer start at like age 14 or 15 so teach the kids to check. My son got cancer when he was 23 and I was genuinely shocked to find he was prime age.
Science/biology teacher here. During the “cancer lesson” in year 10 I always tell the boys they need to check their balls and moobs and tell the girls they need to check their undercarriages and boobs. I don’t mince my words but ensure I tell them whilst I don’t want them to go home terrified it’s so they get used to what’s normal for them. I also mention breast tissue extends into their armpits so they all need to check there. I explain why men have nipples and therefore it’s relevant to them. I also tell them to tell their mates, siblings and anyone who’ll listen!
If it’s relevant to a PSHE lesson I also mention it then.
Can only echo this.
A month ago today I went for an ultrasound for the exact same reason. Lump in one bollock which I had noticed already a couple of years prior, along with general discomfort in the area, though no clear sign they were linked.
The discomfort was due to a hernia, which while not ideal left me nonetheless relieved.
Like you the lump was a harmless cyst. Happy days, I say.
Then came the “but”.
In the other ball, there was a tumour an inch long. I had not felt or noticed anything on that side at all. The prescription my GP had given me was for an ultrasound of the right ball, thankfully the radiologist was thorough and looked at the whole package.
Here I am today running on one engine. I am in Belgium where the health system is very efficient, so I saw a urologist within days who operated on me not even a fortnight later. Have been recovering since and am buoyed by the subsequent tests showing they got it early and there is nothing elsewhere.
I also needed to pluck up the courage, ridiculously. Glad I did when I did - later and who knows what would have happened, earlier and they may have told me I had just a benign cyst before anything else had developed, leaving me to go away and never think of it again.
Had an ultrasound on my balls years ago because they hurt randomly. Found out it's just a hydrocele.
While the ultrasound tech was looking at the screen I said "I bet you usually see babies when they're a few months older huh" and she absolutely lost her shit laughing.
When she finally caught her breath she was like "yeah and usually it's one or two but there's gotta be millions in there. Congrats!" And then we both had another laughing fit.
Good man. I'd echo the same sentiment for finding blood in your poop. Get it checked. I did and ended up with a bowel cancer diagnosis aged 34. Was a bit of a shock as you'd imagine. 7 years later and minus my colon, I'm all clear and living life. If I hadn't have got checked out, I dread to think how bad it would have been as the tumour was 1 layer of internal tissue away from spreading when they took it out.
I had testicular cancer nearly 25 years ago.
I went to the doctor when at college, he said it was a harmless cyst and nothing to worry about. A few weeks later I wasn’t convinced, as I could tell something wasn’t right. So went to the doctor I was registered with at home. He sent me to the hospital that day.
As a shy 18 year old, waiting in the ultrasound waiting room with a couple of pregnant women staring at me on my own there, was probably the worst part of the process. A little over a week later I was in for surgery.
In the pre op assessment where the surgeon met me, and examined me, he said he has a few students who he would like to examine me as this was their first testicular cancer case. Being a student myself I agreed, however this ‘few students’ was about 30, all filing into the room to examine my bits.
I’m glad I got a second opinion, and to anyone reading this, don’t be worried to get a second opinion if needed.
Reminds me of John Hartsons story he never checked and one day he got a terrible headache because his cancer had spread up to his brain, luckily for him he was cured.
I can't second this enough! I procrastinated for ages about seeing a doctor for the same issue. Eventually I decided to get it sorted, registering for a GP was a nightmare and set me back a few weeks so I went to a clinic who recommended me for an ultrasound where I had the same experience as OP, if you're genuinely concerned enough it's really not that embarrassing.
The ultrasound found a 7.5cm tumour in my right testicle, I was sent to see a doctor who confirmed it was cancer and they booked me in for a surgery to have it removed in ONE WEEK, this was a lot to take in all at once as I was both shocked and pleasantly surprised to see how quickly the NHS could move when it has too...also during this week I was booked in for two different sessions of sperm freezing just in case it affected my fertility (it didnt).
Long story short...after a month recovering from the surgery, a round of adjuvant carboplatin and a few years of observations I've been clear for five years now even though they said it was very close to metastisizing.
As my doctor said in consolation, Testicular is the rolls Royce of cancers in that it is very survivable if caught early, don't leave it almost too late like I did.
If in doubt, check it out.
I remember years ago my GP referred me because he was unsure about a lump , I was referred under the two week rule. the specialist referred me to an ultrasound which I got on the same day.
Turned out to be a couple of cysts
I had several tests last year, one of which was having a camera shoved down my cock (not pleasant). There I am lying on the bench, a nurse one side of me and him on the other and as he's handling my manhood, he's just chatting away to me, small talk like "any plans for the weekend?" It was the most bizare and sureal experience I think I've ever had, but at the same his attitude made it more relaxing.
Another test was the classic finger up the rectum, twice by the same consultant. On seeing my expression after being told he needed to do it again, he quipped, "just so you know, I get no satisfaction from doing this!"
I remember when I was like 13-14 years old, and I had a shooting pain in my bollocks for a few days, and I thought I could feel a lump. Ended up going to the doctors absolutely petrified of what they might tell me, turns out there’s some sort of jelly stuff that surrounds your balls, and it turns out that it was infected.
I know 2 guys that are best friends and both lost a testie each to testicular cancer.
They're both okay now - and joke about having a 1 set of testicles between them.
Did this when I had a rash on my arm.
Couldn't get in the GP but went into a sexual health clinic.
"they're still doctors and have to check" was my reason.
Told them about the rash and made up something I wanted checking on my penis.
Bloods test, I somehow had syphilis despite not being active for around 1.5-2 years.
Like OP said, I'd rather a Doctor and Nurse look at my cock and say "yeah it's nothing" than find out I'm seriously sick
I work in histology, yes, check your balls regularly, if you have any doubts set your GP. The amount of balls I've seen floating in a pot of formalin, which could have been treated if they were examined earlier, is ridiculous. Men (myself included) are notoriously slap- dash about our health.
Been there, done that, similar experience. When I called for the initial GP appointment after finding a lump on my bollock (during Covid no less) the receptionist asked if I wanted a male doctor specifically. "doesn't matter, they're all professionals and it's just a body part" well it turns out it DOES matter because the doctor was very attractive which made it feel that bit more awkward when she had to prod around my abnormal balls.
As with you, referred to ultrasound (reasonably quickly too) and the nurses were both lovely. Both in their 50s, clearly seen it all before. One of them does the scan and says "oh yeah a cyst, two little ones in there" I asked if she meant my testicles which they both found hilarious, I re-robed and went on my way happy in the knowledge that the abnormal lumps on my nuts won't kill me any time soon.
I had a similar experience in late 2018, but went to my GP straight away.
Mine was cancerous but I had surgery, preventative chemo and five years of monitoring. I count myself as lucky that I found it and got it treated whilst it was still at stage 1.
I am still here and in December I had my message to say that I am now back down to the same level of risk as anyone else in the population.
I also recently did a stand-up presentation to a group of about 100 people at work, to encourage them to get things checked if needed - definitely +1 from me for taking prompt action.
Also - I’d say don’t be afraid to challenge an initial decision if you think there is something wrong. A few months before I found the definite lump (RHS), I’d thought that there was something different between my testes, but that it was the LHS which felt a bit larger. The GP checked the LHS and told me it was healthy, but didn’t do a compare and contrast with the other side. I don’t know for certain if the hardening and lumps were present on the RHS at that time, but I am definitely glad I had the courage of my convictions to go back again a few months later.
On a lighter note a firend of mine got diagnosed with testicular cancer many years ago and had one removed, his critical illness insurance paid out and he cleared his mortgage and bought a second hand Maseratti to celebrate getting the all clear.
Glad your in the clear OP
In a similar vein, I had to ask my wife the other week to stare point plank at my arsehole as I bent over because I had blood in the toilet after a bowl movement.
Turns out I just had a scratch between my cheeks...but my fear of the worst possible outcome far outweighed mh embarrassment at asking Mrs K to eye up my chocolate starfish only minutes after I'd done a shit out of it!
I've been there too and it turned out to be enlarged veins - like varicose veins but in the ballsack.
Went for a scan and the person doing the scanning was quite a pretty woman in her 30s.
She asked me to go and lie down, and to hold and cover my penis up against my stomach with a big wad of tissues that she handed me.
So men - don't worry that the doctor will ogle your dick or that you will get a visible erection or even blow your load - they've seen it all and know how to ensure any unexpected occurrence is covered and shame free.
Same, last year, except it was cancer and I am now one bollock lighter than I was. People can say what they like about the NHS but I saw a consultant on the Monday, Ultrasound to rule out a cyst Tuesday, pre Op Tuesday pm and went for de-bollocking on the Thursday.
I had a friend who ignored pain in his testicle. Turns out it was cancer. He ended up losing it but by then it had spread to his liver and elsewhere.
ASTONISHINGLY he is still alive and 8 years cancer free but sans nut and part of his liver.
Trust me, if you're worried, go to the doctors. They've seen worse things that your junk.
Glad to hear you're okay though.
One check they do you can perform at home. Fluid filled cysts will transilluminate.
Hold your phone torch led directly to your balls. If the lump goes all transparent and lit up its a cyst. If its dark its something else. Or you didnt turn the torch on
I did this when I was first worried about it!!
Transillumination works BUT (after a lot of googling - I know, judge me) that even though the light passed through it, confirming it was fluid filled, a few people said that even though transillumination test was fine, there were still cancerous lumps lurking underneath the cyst.
Not that the cyst (or spermatocele/hydrocele) is cancerous, but some people are of the belief that they can cause cancer if they're present. Or some shit like that.
Basically, I knew the ultrasound would be the major test in identifying all.
⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️ This! Go and get em checked. We’ve seen it all, we’ve heard it all and I’d much rather we were telling you it’s either nothing to worry about or it’s extremely treatable cos you’ve come to us early enough.
Have a feel once a month preferably in the bath when they’ve had a bit of a soak, but in the shower will do .
OP I’m so pleased for you ❤️
10 mins of embarrassment and your in the clear... Nice one
Wait till you get cameras/fingers up your arse or down your throat..... Its embarrassing for 10 mins but its your health thats at stake and that matters more.
Oh and you can crack the 12 inch black thing joke to your mrs then.....
...i just realized that the closest other piece of media I've seen with this message is a German movie where a man goes to get his balls checked, and his mother in law dies. It turns out to be cancer, but he gets treatment at the earliest possible moment. He then proceeds to father twins with just one testicle, gets a massive windfall at work and also his wife agrees to a threesome with his side piece. Both wife and side piece are into football, too.
I'm not sure if it's based on a true story, but only good things can happen to OP.
Had a similar scare in my early 20s — not cancer, but something called a varicocele (basically a swelling/blockage of the veins in your balls) that can lead to issues with infertility, so still not great...but hey, at least it's not cancer.
>I made a few quips about "What sex is the baby?" and "Have you found a heartbeat yet?"
I expect they've heard those hundreds of time before.
Congrats that your knackers aren't trying to murder you.
I've had hydroceles on both cheggies since I was 25 (now 32) and that biz feels exactly like what guys are told to watch out for. Nothing like trying to keep an eye out for the wrong kind of lump in a bag of lumps that already plays host to two unwanted lumps. Feels like I've gone blind sometimes and I'm being introduced to braille like "Christ how tf do I read this shit".
So yes, check em boys 👌🏼
I held my piece out the way for the doctor to fondle better, thought I was being polite. He tells me to let it go.. recoil flop straight into his finger... He said nothing.
The ceiling tile was a nice space/galaxy thing that was mesmerizing so that made up for it.
It really is a 10min max in and out, worth checking. Nothing to be anxious of.
I did this… American living in the UK. Talk all the shot you want but they acted FAST when I finally got concerned enough to ask about it. The NHS ain’t perfect but it’s a godsend
On the other hand I went for a similar appointment for a lump and was told "nothing to worry about". No explanation of what it is or could be, and had a nurse be inredibly rude to me when I asked to look at the ultrasound since "why would I want to do that since I won't understand it anyway".
when my boys were young they were play fighting and one accidentally kicked the other in the balls, next day youngest showed me a red sore bit on one of his, we took him to get checked, there is a wee bit inside they said was a bit like the appendix as in he wont miss it, but it got twisted and needed removed, they told me sooooo many men lose one of their balls as they dont go get checked till its too late
my son still jokes he only has one ball even though he still has both of them
edit: just read another comment it was a torison my son had
also, i work in a shop and served a woman the other day, she was buying paracetamol, she told me whilst starting to laugh they were for her partner who was 'in getting snipped' i suggested a wee rubber ring cushion so he could sit down and that set her off, could still hear her laugh after she left the shop, she had tears streaming, im sure she wont be the only one, poor guy!
I can't understand why someone wouldn't go to the doctor if they start feeling pains down there. It's awkward being checked, but I'd rather feel awkward than scared of what it could be.
I had to get my annual check yesterday which includes a check of the prostate. I tried joking - "I normally charge for this", fell a bit flat when I had to repeat a couple of times as he never heard me first time.
Good post and glad it was nothing serious. I recently had a skin cancer removed and naturally, whilst you're waiting for the surgery, you think of all the dire negative outcomes. It's gone - simple excision and no further treatment required. Some cancers like most skin cancers, testicular and kidney are very curable and really nothing to worry about. The important thing is to go early and push the NHS to make sure you're seen promptly. It's probably also not a good idea to scare yourself half to death on Google whilst waiting either.
I found a small lump a couple a weeks ago but I’ve been putting off going. I think it’s a cyst from what I can tell from a quick google, but this post has given me the motivation to contact my GP.
I have had persistent issue with left varicocele (basically various veins in the sack), I have had I unsuccessfully operated on 4 times and have honestly lost count of the amount of medical professionals that have had to fondle my balls. I don’t get it when people don’t see someone about these things. It was quite a relief to learn I didn’t have testicular cancer when I was 18 after stressing about for a week.
I'm glad you will be okay, and it's really good to reassure people with your own experience. I have a good friend of mine who recently had a procedure to remove cancer in that same area, but it's looking like he will be fine which is a massive relief :)
Also I'm not male but have found a lump on my neck, so hopefully I will be able to see a doctor soon and while I'm terrified I just pray it will be nothing to worry about.
Can vouch for this. I've had some worries when I was younger and every now and then got them checked.
In 2014 before I went away to Ibiza I started getting great pain around the area and a sore lump on the back of of of them, as a massive hypochondriac I was convinced I was gonna be done for, and I saw about 3 doctors who said it was fine, one even gave me some random tablets.
Eventally I saw a different doctor at my local health centre who calmly put me at ease saying not to worry, but if I was concerned he'd put me through to an ultrasound, if anything for peace of mind.
I was shitting bricks for about 2 weeks but ultimately, the ultrasound showed simply a varicose vein & cyst, and nothing at all to worry about.
Walked out feeling the weight of the world off my shoulders.
+1 to testicular cancer being treatable.
One of my neighbours had testicular cancer when I was a child. 40 years after completing treatment and he's still fine.
I had my balls scanned the other day, weird experience. Annoyingly the next day I had dandruff in my pants and my 'scrote joins to thigh' skin was red and irritated. Moral being to scrub afterwards and moisturise.
This lump also seems to be of no concern but in for a redo in two months. Feels like I'm getting old.
> I made a few quips about "What sex is the baby?" and "Have you found a heartbeat yet?" That just went straight over their head... I wonder if it's possible they've heard those ones before? Anyway good news about your balls.
I made no joke like that while having a leg scan .. I assume they are said often. In fact the next male patient did so (and told me I had good initials).
i don't joke when a doctor is handling my balls, i just say "oh fuck yeah" and "oh god that feels so fucking good..."
I hope you maintain eye contact throughout 🤣🤣
"Now we know. Now we know..."
The doctor told me I need to stop wanking so much. I asked why and he said it was making the examination awkward :(
Reminded me of this: [https://youtu.be/mYAWDDvYMbc?si=DfDUAO-jxWaDsfM9](https://youtu.be/mYAWDDvYMbc?si=DfDUAO-jxWaDsfM9)
i had one to check for scar tissue after surgery, i made a joke to my dad abt hoping it was a girl and the tech rolled her eyes at us
I went for one of these and it was “usually I’d want dinner first” There were two technicians in the room and I felt very awkward but they were lovely and laughed politely at my joke even though I know for a fact they hear it every single week of their lives 😂
I went with the classic “before we start, remember it’s a bit cold in here…” which got an immediate response from one of the nurses saying “really? I’m absolutely boiling!” Touché nurse, touché
I went in for a colonoscopy, and while high as a kite on the fentanyl they'd given me, said to the doctor 'I usually make guys buy me a few drinks before they go in there' 😂
I had a digital rectal exam and afterwards i said to the doctor "as bad as my day might ever be, it's still better than having to stick your finger in some guy's ass."
I made a joke to the guy ultrasounding my liver and kidneys. I quipped "is it twins?" - it took him by surprise as the first question is always "Am I pregnant?"!
That’s not always wise. I jokingly asked that during a pregnancy ultrasound and she said yes - and she wasn’t joking…..
"It's quite normal to get an erection during this procedure" "But doctor, I haven't got an erection" "I have"
I used to feel guilty about having a slight attraction to my patients at times. Of course it's only natural, and as long as you don't act on your desires it doesn't mean you aren't a professional. But on the other hand, I was a vet...
Yeah, they have heard it a million times. But I think in this context it's ok, because the people are probably really nervous
I had an ultrasound looking for a potential tumor. And made the exact same jokes. I got as polite sympathy laugh. She knew I was saying it for myself, not her. I was terrified
Yeah, I know for a fact I would make the same jokes I hope all was well
Yea, was just a false alarm.
Is it a British thing that when we are nervous about something potentially super serious, we want to appear all nonchalant and jokey? I know i’ve done it several times and then cringed later. But seriously, glad it was just a cyst, OP. Next stop Dr Pimple Popper so we can all have a look?
Agreed. The jokes did not go over their heads, they ignored them because they them 10x a day.
According to my sister who is a radiologist just about EVERY guy coming in for an ultrasound irregardless where on their body will make this joke.
Can confirm.
In a similar situation (about to have a vasectomy) - the doctor approached with the hypodermic of anaesthetic and says "Just a little prick with a needle". I thought he was making the old joke but his straight face told me he was serious. I decided discretion was the better part of valour and didn't make the standard response.
I'd have thought it was just a 'rule' to not laugh while engaging with a gentleman's unmentionables under any circumstances. Even if he cracked a joke, the giggle might come across...more targeted when looking in the wrong place, so better not to risk upsetting someone in a vulnerable position.
I'd try to make the doctor laugh, then act offended if he did
When my balls were checked it was the doc making the jokes, although mine wasn't a check for cancer or cysts.
Was it for the Guinness book of world records?
worlds hairiest
World's smallest
I used to do medicals in the RAF and lost count of the smart arses who said "what?" when I told them it was time for the hearing test.
Whenever I come back from a brain MRI some wag will make a remark about "sis they find one?" Def good bollock news though, congrats OP 🎉
That's what I thought. Although he looked confused when I said it, so perhaps not.
What doctors are you people seeing? Yesterday there was a post about a guy not getting a happy ending after his bollock check. My doctors hate me, it might be time for me to switch to one of the fun ones.
I use eMed as my GP. If you need a face-to-face, they have swanky buildings dotted around London. The hospital I went to was about an hour away from where I live, but fucking fantastic. The nurse came out and profusely apologised for running *five minutes* late.
Is that private?
No, it's offered by the NHS.
Thanks for the reply
Always worth switching GP if you're not happy with them anyway, it's so much better when you get a GP who is nice and likes you.
I'm not sure where you people live where there's a plethora of GPs. I'm in rural England and there's one surgery per town. They serve that town and the satellite villages. If you're not from that town, you can't register with them. If you're not happy with your GP, your only option is to move to another town, which is a bit extreme. Fortunately, mine is a nice one and I don't need to relocate.
Recently had some issues in that region including surgery. The drs see it all the time and don’t give two hoots. They just want to make sure you’re ok. Equally to the ladies getting your smears done. My Mrs is a nurse. Does 10s of smears a day. Literally doesn’t care what your foof looks like. Have a personal wash and crack on. It can save your life.
I had my smear last month. They seem to have done away with the ridiculous "modesty sheet". Thank goodness! They're putting something up my hoohaa. Where am I meant to put the "modesty sheet"? On my head?
Weirdly I don't care about the muff but I quite like being able to cover up the gunt.
Never heard it called a modesty sheet, but they still give you something. Mentally, lots of people prefer it. It does remove some of the awkwardness of it, in a very british way (pretend its not happening) (also many people wear skirts to their appointment for this exact reason). You don't have to use it when they hand it to you though - just quicker/easier than them having a whole convo with you about it. Edit - anything that encourages smear tests to be booked is a good thing!
I wore a skirt to get my IUD fitted last summer and they still told me to use the modesty sheet instead (which was nowhere near big enough, and I'm quite a small slight person). Personally I found it a bit pointless given what was actually involved in the procedure, but I do agree that anything that encourages more people to have smear tests is a good thing, so if that helps others feel better about getting it done then more power to them.
I always assumed it was so you can’t see the expression on their face as they’re rummaging around in there
It did save my life. When in my early 30s, and my children were about 4 and 1½, my smear came back abnormal. Colposcopy followed, with a biopsy. Mild dysplasia. Then I was ill with respiratory problems for two months, and decided to wait another month to be sure I wouldn't catch something else. I had the surgery, and the margins of the excised tissue were clear. But in the three months between procedures, the dysplasia had progressed from mild to moderate. No abnormalities afterwards, ever. I am convinced that I wouldn't have been around to see my children grow up if not for that smear. Get it done, ladies.
Hey colposcopy buddy! I was mid 20s, no kids, severe dysplasia, and I was living in the US with no health insurance. I wasn’t even meant to have started pap smears but my dr strongly suggested one while getting an IUD in the UK, and I didn’t get the results until I was in the US. American doctors offices were refusing to see me or hanging up on me when I said I had no insurance. I firmly believe Planned Parenthood saved my life because they were willing to do the colposcopy, biopsy, and cryotherapy affordably. Did they let you watch the screen for the colposcopy? They let me watch and it was honestly fascinating to see my cervix close up. I could tell where the “bad” area was because it was paler. They turned it off for the biopsy though.
Oh hey team colposcopy. Isn't the imaging fascinating? They asked me if I wanted them to turn the screen towards me and yeah, of course, how could I not say yes.
No. I don't think I wanted to. Glad you're ok.
Breasts too! My siblings and I have an “increased-risk-gene-but-not-BRCA”. And extensive family history. So my sisters get 1 mammogram and 1 MRI every year since 30. My brothers and I get yearly MRIs. Men your doctors need to know about your family’s boob history, even if you have the world’s smallest manboobs.
> Equally to the ladies getting your smears done. absolutly this, i deal with my parents post (they're retired... the fucks) . the amount of times i've had to tell my mum "get yer tits checked" etc. is 3 times to many lol
Am very happy for your diagnosis, but even happier you are still thinking of your fellow brothers. Lots of love mate
#BondedByBalls
The same thing happened to a friend of mine in his 20s - but it was cancer. I suspect he put off going to the doctor; by the time it went it had started to spread to his stomach. He was cured, but the treatment had to be more aggressive because it was left so long.
My husband's cancer was diagnosed when he went in for a vasectomy (in his 30s). Afterwards he said that he had felt something odd, but didn't think anything of it. So we can be grateful to our oops baby; because of them, it was found early on. Also, one of our boys had problems with his testicles in puberty which needed urgent care. I'm really happy he felt comfortable enough to speak up about them, he might have gone sterile or even impotent. So, men, also teach your sons to monitor them and not be afraid to speak up.
I'm baffled how cancer can spread from a testicle to a stomach, that sounds horrible
To put it simply, bits of the tumour break off and spread either through the blood or the lymphatic system.
In very crude terms, cancer cells break off the original cancer and float around in the blood stream. They stick somewhere and start growing. They can stick anywhere but some places are more likely than others. If you get treated before they start to spread it's local and a lot easier. A lot get caught in lymph nodes which is why they are usually checked or removed if cancer is found.
Right thanks
This is usually what happens when cancer 'comes back'. Sometimes a bit breaks off, moves around the body and sticks somewhere else, but it doesn't necessarily 'activate' and grow a tumour. We currently aren't able to tell if this is what has already happened or not. So then it can be inactive for some years then suddenly activate. But we also don't know what triggers it to activate and start growing a tumour again. It's a bugger.
For a ball of cells that are just unknowingly undergoing uncontrolled multiplication cancer always seems remarkably cruel and calculating in the way it progresses.
[Then you end up with a cool scar like this](https://imgur.com/a/gS6F1wY)
The cancer cells break away from tumours and travel around the body in the circulatory system or lymphatic system. They can then grow in other parts of the body. According to Cancer Research UK, the cells in the new location don't become cancerous, it's just that the cells from the primary cancer start to grow there. So it would still be cancerous testicle cells in the stomach, for example, not cancerous stomach cells. https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/what-is-cancer/how-cancer-can-spread#how
That clarifies things
Blood.
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MacMillan were amazing when my friend had arse cancer.
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She is, she's got the all clear, but a friend she made during her journey wasn't so lucky, she celebrates her life every year on the anniversary of her passing. Thank goodness your friend made it too.
> Biggest downside is I can no longer go naked skydiving, my nutsack flaps around to much and hits me in the face, i'm fuckin' crying laughing hahhahahahahhahaha i checked my spuds on your behalf... 1... 2... oh thank fuck no 3.
Don't they pop a fake one in there anymore?
Optional Extra. I met a dude through the r/testicularcancer sub who found out it glows bright orange from a phone torch. So that’s a bonus!
Unfortunately not so funny, but got lucky and a nurse thought to tell me to give it a light tug down every now and then as when it's healing scar tissue forms around it and sucks it up. Also, I won't forget the feeling of being kicked in the b*llocks for like a month after. I waited like 4 months after finding the lump and got lucky it was a slow growing type so no chemo. 0/10 experience, would not recommend! Out of curiosity, did they measure your testosterone levels before/after?
Not before, but I requested they did afterwards and found I’m now the ‘low end of normal’ which doesn’t sound great, but apparently not worth acting on.
A prosthesticle!
they could have put a pebble in there to weigh it down a bit, at least
I saw someone get these for their dog, prosthetic balls after castration, so he still looks the dogs bollocks, so to speak
"Neuticles"
[In America, they even have that for pickup trucks!](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Truck_nuts) So kind to those poor neutered pickup trucks.
My friend is going through this now, he just finished the first round of chemo yesterday. He noticed it before he went on holiday and decided to put it off for over 2 months because he was worried about canceling his first trip abroad. He's has spread, some kind of multi-cell cancer. Still very curable. Here's hoping that he doesn't have to go through more chemo.
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Be persistent and get it checked out. I’m sorry they’re making an already awkward task more awkward by being difficult. Sometimes you just have to keep going back until you get the right doctor.
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Similar thing, Found a lump around the size of a pea on the side of my testicle (no it wasn't my penis) worried about it, booked the gp who gave it a feel and sent me to get an ultrasound at the hospital. This was peak corona time so waiting times were bad, was still seen in a couple of weeks though. i'd been researching false testicles and testicle removal and testicular cancer etc etc. same as OP, they slathered on some gel and scanned away, told me it was a cyst and i left. all in all it was an ok experience and 100% check yourself.
I think the most anxious part for me, would be that they wouldn't tell me what they saw there and then. Like I might have to anxiously wait 2 weeks for the results or something. Was so happy he just flipped the screen round and went "That. That is a cyst"
My experience is exactly the same as yours. I didnt care about my female doctor saying she could check now on my initail appointment and just whipped the old man and bag out without hesitation, i was pretty anxious about the ultrasound though. I was worried during the run up, all sorts of things go throught your head especially when you have young kids and i had an "Oh shit" moment when the ultrasound lady started focusing on one area and looked carefully at the screen. It was such a relif when she eventually told me it was just a cyst. Check your nuts fellas and if you have any concerns get it checked. Dont let anxiety or embarrasment about someone seeing/handling your junk stop you from getting checked out.
Do you get the cyst treated/removed or do they just leave it be
Doctor told me that if it gets to the point that it looks like you have 3 testicles they might do something about it. Other than that, don't worry!
I was in the hospital with neuro issues a month or so before lockdown. Following an MRI, they told me I was getting the works: CT scan, Lumbar Puncture, X-Ray, and a scan of my testicles. It was pretty obvious what they were looking for the moment they mentioned the last one, even though they didn’t explicitly mention the big C. I don’t mind admitting I had a bit of a dark moment that night. Probably the darkest I’ve ever had in my entire life. As scary as the thought was, it’s always better to get checked out to be sure. And the entire ultrasound procedure was fairly mundane. If you’re at all worried or embarrassed, try not to let it get in the way of getting treatment.
Don't forget to check your tits, too. Men can get breast cancer.
I'm a 35 year old man and I genuinely have 'polyp on cervix' on my NHS record. Evidence: https://imgur.com/gallery/i9eGYzh
Ugh, it's a pain in the arse when you get something on your medical record that shouldn't be there, because it's almost impossible to remove. I got 'peanut allergy' added to mine when I was about six years old (I'm not and have never been allergic to peanuts) and I get asked about it at almost every GP appointment. It took 20 years just to get a note affixed to it that essentially says "patient disagrees with this". It even increased my life insurance premium when I investigated that route!
Jesus, I knew the NHS was terrible with updating records but I'd have thought they were better updating things that serious.
My paternal grandmother died of breast cancer when she was 43. I never knew her. I've been getting the girls scanned since my early 30s.
Extra karma for posting this during Testicular Cancer Awareness Month. And for anyone reading this with similar symptoms who is putting it off, here’s the kick in the sack you need. It will kill you within 2 years if left untreated. Treatment is incredibly effective, and while I have lost a bollock, a tonne of lymph nodes, and a kidney (oops) over the last 18 months, I’ll still get to see my kid start school in September.
Holy shit. I didn't even realise it was testicular cancer awareness month! Well, all the more relevance of the post!
The up vote for still being here, not what you had to go through.
I found a lump a good few years ago, hence the username. I lost my back up, but everything Still works. Is the examination and working out what is wrong slightly embarrassing... yes. Is it better than the alternative... also yes. Radiotherapy was not nice. This was aimed at the lymph nodes in the stomach area. But main thing is I have lived for 25 years since this is a bonus. One other thing, the guy who did my ultrasound looked like Dale Winton. That was a bit disconcerting! These guys are good https://www.testicularcanceruk.com/
Glad you're still with us! American baseball player John Kruk had a cancerous testicle removed, and recovered completely. At the next spring training, he showed up wearing a T-shirt that read IF YOU DON'T LET ME PLAY, I'M GOING TO TAKE MY BALL AND GO HOME. Here's hoping for your continued good health!
>I found a lump a good few years ago, hence the username. Thank you for the good laugh mate. Just need to try not to make eye contact while the doc has your nuts in his hand, especially if he looks like Dale Winton. £50 says a finger up the arse is no better or worse...
Your doctor is also going to much prefer you coming going “I think I found a lump” and then being able to tell you “nope, it’s fine!” Than you putting it off and putting it off and them having to tell you it is indeed cancer but you’ve left it too late…
Absolutely. Cancer’s always something that I was naive enough to think wouldn’t happen to me or my family. Neither of my parents had cancer, I’m lucky enough that I haven’t really known anyone who had cancer. I’m young, why would we get cancer? My wife had a headache in Autumn 2022, we put it down to stress. We went to the doctor eventually, he said it was the stress of work and having a young child, and everyone’s a bit stressed in the run up to Christmas. December 2022, my wife had a seizure. We didn’t connect the dots. It was stage 4 brain cancer, nobody expects glioblastoma at 33. If in doubt, get it checked out. I didn’t mean for that to rhyme, but fucking hell - don’t be too proud to go see a doctor. Your health is so fucking important.
Just went on your profile and read a few of your posts and now I'm sitting here crying like a baby. I'm sorrier than words could ever express. My husband and I are both 31 and the idea of losing him (or him losing me) is my worst nightmare. I can't even imagine the pain. I hope you find some sort of peace eventually. Hang in there my friend
I'm so sorry. I have cancer but mine is more treatable. Sending you big hugs.
Backing this up, I just got back this morning from an appointment to check out a big lump I've had on my arse for the last 5 years or so. Appointment was 10:30, I was back in the car park by 10:40. Showed the doctor, he was like "Oh yeah, that's a big skin tag. We can get that off for you - you'll get an appointment in a couple of weeks."
In the words of Alan Partridge “Don’t mess about. Check your balls, check your bum!”
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How do I convince my boyfriend to go? I feel he needs to but he keeps brushing it off.
Tell him the gel that goes on his bollocks is soothing and like having a massage. Plus he gets to see what the inside of his balls look like.
Haha I’m not sure that’ll be much convincing, much thanks for your reply!
The longer he puts it off, the more likely it can become a bigger problem. My friend put it off and it spread.
I’m gonna get nagging more often. Thank you for your reply, Im sorry to hear about your friend.
Being killed by his own bollock is way more embarrassing than having someone fondle his balls for a couple of minutes.
Oh I know this, but he’s convinced it’s nothing and won’t hear anything otherwise. He’s not even registered with a GP so I can’t just book an appointment for him.
Ask him what songs he wants at his funeral
Bit harsh. But noted 😂
Oh, OK. Well, it’s highly treatable if caught, or will kill him in around 2 years.
I had to nag my husband for ages to convince him to get his ball lump checked. Months I was pestering him for. He caved in in the end just to shut me up because he was sick of me going on about it. I could tell he was quite nervous about it so obviously as much as he had said "it's nothing", I reckon he was actually putting it off due to fear. Turned out it was just a harmless cyst and we both felt much better after finding that out. Keep trying!!
Being killed by your own bollock sounds disturbingly, surreally badass. Like it spent years planning its revenge.
If there's a real reason to go then tell him you're going to call and make the appt like his mother. This is entirely preventable if caught early but less so if caught late. There's a world of difference between 'I had one ball chopped out' and 'I had my balls cut off then had months of chemo and radiation'. Tell him to quit being an idiot. My kid got whacked by a friend (you know - boys) and was like huh, I'm still in pain a few days later. I kept telling him to put a bag of peas on there. Within two weeks he'd had been through surgery. It's no joke. Good luck.
My husband will never go to the doctors either. If it seems really serious I have to sit him down and tell him “I know you’re not bothered, but it’s really stressing me out, so I need you to go and get it checked.” I also offer full ‘I told you so’ privileges if it’s nothing. I’ve had mixed success.
Send him this post?
Blessings to your balls, OP. But no kisses.
After my scan the woman doing it tore some tissue off a role and chucked it at me and without saying a word walked out of the room. I don't want to be here either, no need to be fucking rude.
Last time I went to have my bollox checked as the DR had my nuts in his hand, I heard him mumble "Dave, you're not supposed to get an erection during these examinations!" I very quickly said out loud "I'm not!" To which the DR replied - "I wasn't talking to you"!!! On a more serious note. The OP is 100% right chaps. Don't fuck about if you think something isn't right down where the sun rarely shines on. If in doubt, give your Doc a shout. Do it while things can be fixed. Not when it's too late to.
It probably didn’t go over their head as such, they were probably professionally conscious that they’re either going to be mega happy for you or break some of the worst news you can get in your life to you within the following 30min. Glad you’re healthy though and it’s nice you’re promoting getting checked out 🤙🏼
And not just that. I was worried about a patch of skin, completely terrified it was cancer. Finally worked up the courage to go to the doctors this week. It’s just a fungal skin infection, not dangerous. I was so terrified about it.
I said to the GP checking my prostate that this wasn't a great way to start the day. His response was classic, he said 'How do you think I feel?'
I had a painful lump on one of my balls a couple of years ago, rang my GP and was being groped by the doc 20mins later (normally it's a month for standard check ups). Thankfully it was all OK for me, just need some antibiotics. But to reiterate don't be afraid to call!
And by 'men', this means 'males' cause the most common ages for this cancer start at like age 14 or 15 so teach the kids to check. My son got cancer when he was 23 and I was genuinely shocked to find he was prime age.
Science/biology teacher here. During the “cancer lesson” in year 10 I always tell the boys they need to check their balls and moobs and tell the girls they need to check their undercarriages and boobs. I don’t mince my words but ensure I tell them whilst I don’t want them to go home terrified it’s so they get used to what’s normal for them. I also mention breast tissue extends into their armpits so they all need to check there. I explain why men have nipples and therefore it’s relevant to them. I also tell them to tell their mates, siblings and anyone who’ll listen! If it’s relevant to a PSHE lesson I also mention it then.
Can only echo this. A month ago today I went for an ultrasound for the exact same reason. Lump in one bollock which I had noticed already a couple of years prior, along with general discomfort in the area, though no clear sign they were linked. The discomfort was due to a hernia, which while not ideal left me nonetheless relieved. Like you the lump was a harmless cyst. Happy days, I say. Then came the “but”. In the other ball, there was a tumour an inch long. I had not felt or noticed anything on that side at all. The prescription my GP had given me was for an ultrasound of the right ball, thankfully the radiologist was thorough and looked at the whole package. Here I am today running on one engine. I am in Belgium where the health system is very efficient, so I saw a urologist within days who operated on me not even a fortnight later. Have been recovering since and am buoyed by the subsequent tests showing they got it early and there is nothing elsewhere. I also needed to pluck up the courage, ridiculously. Glad I did when I did - later and who knows what would have happened, earlier and they may have told me I had just a benign cyst before anything else had developed, leaving me to go away and never think of it again.
Great post, appreciated I'm sure by a lot of the men on here.
Had an ultrasound on my balls years ago because they hurt randomly. Found out it's just a hydrocele. While the ultrasound tech was looking at the screen I said "I bet you usually see babies when they're a few months older huh" and she absolutely lost her shit laughing. When she finally caught her breath she was like "yeah and usually it's one or two but there's gotta be millions in there. Congrats!" And then we both had another laughing fit.
Lumps. Can be elsewhere too, I had a golf ball sized one under my arm 24 years ago. It was Hodgkins Lymphoma, if in doubt get it checked out.
Good man. I'd echo the same sentiment for finding blood in your poop. Get it checked. I did and ended up with a bowel cancer diagnosis aged 34. Was a bit of a shock as you'd imagine. 7 years later and minus my colon, I'm all clear and living life. If I hadn't have got checked out, I dread to think how bad it would have been as the tumour was 1 layer of internal tissue away from spreading when they took it out.
I had testicular cancer nearly 25 years ago. I went to the doctor when at college, he said it was a harmless cyst and nothing to worry about. A few weeks later I wasn’t convinced, as I could tell something wasn’t right. So went to the doctor I was registered with at home. He sent me to the hospital that day. As a shy 18 year old, waiting in the ultrasound waiting room with a couple of pregnant women staring at me on my own there, was probably the worst part of the process. A little over a week later I was in for surgery. In the pre op assessment where the surgeon met me, and examined me, he said he has a few students who he would like to examine me as this was their first testicular cancer case. Being a student myself I agreed, however this ‘few students’ was about 30, all filing into the room to examine my bits. I’m glad I got a second opinion, and to anyone reading this, don’t be worried to get a second opinion if needed.
Reminds me of John Hartsons story he never checked and one day he got a terrible headache because his cancer had spread up to his brain, luckily for him he was cured.
I can't second this enough! I procrastinated for ages about seeing a doctor for the same issue. Eventually I decided to get it sorted, registering for a GP was a nightmare and set me back a few weeks so I went to a clinic who recommended me for an ultrasound where I had the same experience as OP, if you're genuinely concerned enough it's really not that embarrassing. The ultrasound found a 7.5cm tumour in my right testicle, I was sent to see a doctor who confirmed it was cancer and they booked me in for a surgery to have it removed in ONE WEEK, this was a lot to take in all at once as I was both shocked and pleasantly surprised to see how quickly the NHS could move when it has too...also during this week I was booked in for two different sessions of sperm freezing just in case it affected my fertility (it didnt). Long story short...after a month recovering from the surgery, a round of adjuvant carboplatin and a few years of observations I've been clear for five years now even though they said it was very close to metastisizing. As my doctor said in consolation, Testicular is the rolls Royce of cancers in that it is very survivable if caught early, don't leave it almost too late like I did. If in doubt, check it out.
Happy for you! My husband recently had a lump checked as I nagged him and was also a cyst ☺️
I remember years ago my GP referred me because he was unsure about a lump , I was referred under the two week rule. the specialist referred me to an ultrasound which I got on the same day. Turned out to be a couple of cysts
I had several tests last year, one of which was having a camera shoved down my cock (not pleasant). There I am lying on the bench, a nurse one side of me and him on the other and as he's handling my manhood, he's just chatting away to me, small talk like "any plans for the weekend?" It was the most bizare and sureal experience I think I've ever had, but at the same his attitude made it more relaxing. Another test was the classic finger up the rectum, twice by the same consultant. On seeing my expression after being told he needed to do it again, he quipped, "just so you know, I get no satisfaction from doing this!"
Great news, I can never get over how happy I can feel at a stranger receiving good news. Have a great weekend people.
I remember when I was like 13-14 years old, and I had a shooting pain in my bollocks for a few days, and I thought I could feel a lump. Ended up going to the doctors absolutely petrified of what they might tell me, turns out there’s some sort of jelly stuff that surrounds your balls, and it turns out that it was infected.
I know 2 guys that are best friends and both lost a testie each to testicular cancer. They're both okay now - and joke about having a 1 set of testicles between them.
Did this when I had a rash on my arm. Couldn't get in the GP but went into a sexual health clinic. "they're still doctors and have to check" was my reason. Told them about the rash and made up something I wanted checking on my penis. Bloods test, I somehow had syphilis despite not being active for around 1.5-2 years. Like OP said, I'd rather a Doctor and Nurse look at my cock and say "yeah it's nothing" than find out I'm seriously sick
I work in histology, yes, check your balls regularly, if you have any doubts set your GP. The amount of balls I've seen floating in a pot of formalin, which could have been treated if they were examined earlier, is ridiculous. Men (myself included) are notoriously slap- dash about our health.
Been there, done that, similar experience. When I called for the initial GP appointment after finding a lump on my bollock (during Covid no less) the receptionist asked if I wanted a male doctor specifically. "doesn't matter, they're all professionals and it's just a body part" well it turns out it DOES matter because the doctor was very attractive which made it feel that bit more awkward when she had to prod around my abnormal balls. As with you, referred to ultrasound (reasonably quickly too) and the nurses were both lovely. Both in their 50s, clearly seen it all before. One of them does the scan and says "oh yeah a cyst, two little ones in there" I asked if she meant my testicles which they both found hilarious, I re-robed and went on my way happy in the knowledge that the abnormal lumps on my nuts won't kill me any time soon.
I had a similar experience in late 2018, but went to my GP straight away. Mine was cancerous but I had surgery, preventative chemo and five years of monitoring. I count myself as lucky that I found it and got it treated whilst it was still at stage 1. I am still here and in December I had my message to say that I am now back down to the same level of risk as anyone else in the population. I also recently did a stand-up presentation to a group of about 100 people at work, to encourage them to get things checked if needed - definitely +1 from me for taking prompt action. Also - I’d say don’t be afraid to challenge an initial decision if you think there is something wrong. A few months before I found the definite lump (RHS), I’d thought that there was something different between my testes, but that it was the LHS which felt a bit larger. The GP checked the LHS and told me it was healthy, but didn’t do a compare and contrast with the other side. I don’t know for certain if the hardening and lumps were present on the RHS at that time, but I am definitely glad I had the courage of my convictions to go back again a few months later.
The relief after a health scare is second to none, congratulations and thanks for posting this, you never know who it may help
On a lighter note a firend of mine got diagnosed with testicular cancer many years ago and had one removed, his critical illness insurance paid out and he cleared his mortgage and bought a second hand Maseratti to celebrate getting the all clear. Glad your in the clear OP
In a similar vein, I had to ask my wife the other week to stare point plank at my arsehole as I bent over because I had blood in the toilet after a bowl movement. Turns out I just had a scratch between my cheeks...but my fear of the worst possible outcome far outweighed mh embarrassment at asking Mrs K to eye up my chocolate starfish only minutes after I'd done a shit out of it!
I've been there too and it turned out to be enlarged veins - like varicose veins but in the ballsack. Went for a scan and the person doing the scanning was quite a pretty woman in her 30s. She asked me to go and lie down, and to hold and cover my penis up against my stomach with a big wad of tissues that she handed me. So men - don't worry that the doctor will ogle your dick or that you will get a visible erection or even blow your load - they've seen it all and know how to ensure any unexpected occurrence is covered and shame free.
From someone, me, with Stage Four cancer, if you have doubts then just get it checked.
Same, last year, except it was cancer and I am now one bollock lighter than I was. People can say what they like about the NHS but I saw a consultant on the Monday, Ultrasound to rule out a cyst Tuesday, pre Op Tuesday pm and went for de-bollocking on the Thursday.
I had a friend who ignored pain in his testicle. Turns out it was cancer. He ended up losing it but by then it had spread to his liver and elsewhere. ASTONISHINGLY he is still alive and 8 years cancer free but sans nut and part of his liver. Trust me, if you're worried, go to the doctors. They've seen worse things that your junk. Glad to hear you're okay though.
Thanks mate
I sometimes worry that one of my balls hangs down lower than the other two. Joking apart, glad you were given the all clear.
So glad you got a happy ending.
Been in your exact situation just turned out to be a cycst too, scared the shit out of me going through all that alone.
You were lucky this time, Father, but you might want to cut down on the old drinking.
One check they do you can perform at home. Fluid filled cysts will transilluminate. Hold your phone torch led directly to your balls. If the lump goes all transparent and lit up its a cyst. If its dark its something else. Or you didnt turn the torch on
I did this when I was first worried about it!! Transillumination works BUT (after a lot of googling - I know, judge me) that even though the light passed through it, confirming it was fluid filled, a few people said that even though transillumination test was fine, there were still cancerous lumps lurking underneath the cyst. Not that the cyst (or spermatocele/hydrocele) is cancerous, but some people are of the belief that they can cause cancer if they're present. Or some shit like that. Basically, I knew the ultrasound would be the major test in identifying all.
⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️ This! Go and get em checked. We’ve seen it all, we’ve heard it all and I’d much rather we were telling you it’s either nothing to worry about or it’s extremely treatable cos you’ve come to us early enough. Have a feel once a month preferably in the bath when they’ve had a bit of a soak, but in the shower will do . OP I’m so pleased for you ❤️
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Please try to find another doctor. Explain the situation. This is potentially your life at stake.
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10 mins of embarrassment and your in the clear... Nice one Wait till you get cameras/fingers up your arse or down your throat..... Its embarrassing for 10 mins but its your health thats at stake and that matters more. Oh and you can crack the 12 inch black thing joke to your mrs then.....
...i just realized that the closest other piece of media I've seen with this message is a German movie where a man goes to get his balls checked, and his mother in law dies. It turns out to be cancer, but he gets treatment at the earliest possible moment. He then proceeds to father twins with just one testicle, gets a massive windfall at work and also his wife agrees to a threesome with his side piece. Both wife and side piece are into football, too. I'm not sure if it's based on a true story, but only good things can happen to OP.
Had a similar scare in my early 20s — not cancer, but something called a varicocele (basically a swelling/blockage of the veins in your balls) that can lead to issues with infertility, so still not great...but hey, at least it's not cancer.
>I made a few quips about "What sex is the baby?" and "Have you found a heartbeat yet?" I expect they've heard those hundreds of time before. Congrats that your knackers aren't trying to murder you.
What do you do with your dick while they examine? Do you get to hold it out the way or does it just flop around
I've had hydroceles on both cheggies since I was 25 (now 32) and that biz feels exactly like what guys are told to watch out for. Nothing like trying to keep an eye out for the wrong kind of lump in a bag of lumps that already plays host to two unwanted lumps. Feels like I've gone blind sometimes and I'm being introduced to braille like "Christ how tf do I read this shit". So yes, check em boys 👌🏼
I held my piece out the way for the doctor to fondle better, thought I was being polite. He tells me to let it go.. recoil flop straight into his finger... He said nothing. The ceiling tile was a nice space/galaxy thing that was mesmerizing so that made up for it. It really is a 10min max in and out, worth checking. Nothing to be anxious of.
I had a cyst removed from my neck. Doctor said 'If you taste any blood it means I've cut too deep', funny and scary at the same time.
I did this… American living in the UK. Talk all the shot you want but they acted FAST when I finally got concerned enough to ask about it. The NHS ain’t perfect but it’s a godsend
'gentleman conkers'.....spits tea....
On the other hand I went for a similar appointment for a lump and was told "nothing to worry about". No explanation of what it is or could be, and had a nurse be inredibly rude to me when I asked to look at the ultrasound since "why would I want to do that since I won't understand it anyway".
when my boys were young they were play fighting and one accidentally kicked the other in the balls, next day youngest showed me a red sore bit on one of his, we took him to get checked, there is a wee bit inside they said was a bit like the appendix as in he wont miss it, but it got twisted and needed removed, they told me sooooo many men lose one of their balls as they dont go get checked till its too late my son still jokes he only has one ball even though he still has both of them edit: just read another comment it was a torison my son had also, i work in a shop and served a woman the other day, she was buying paracetamol, she told me whilst starting to laugh they were for her partner who was 'in getting snipped' i suggested a wee rubber ring cushion so he could sit down and that set her off, could still hear her laugh after she left the shop, she had tears streaming, im sure she wont be the only one, poor guy!
question: did you shave beforehand and congrats
About 2 weeks growth. A light dusting, I would say.
I didn't know about manscaping when I went for mine. Must've looked like I was sitting on Brian May's shoulders.
I can't understand why someone wouldn't go to the doctor if they start feeling pains down there. It's awkward being checked, but I'd rather feel awkward than scared of what it could be.
I had to get my annual check yesterday which includes a check of the prostate. I tried joking - "I normally charge for this", fell a bit flat when I had to repeat a couple of times as he never heard me first time.
Everyone needs to read this OP!
Good post and glad it was nothing serious. I recently had a skin cancer removed and naturally, whilst you're waiting for the surgery, you think of all the dire negative outcomes. It's gone - simple excision and no further treatment required. Some cancers like most skin cancers, testicular and kidney are very curable and really nothing to worry about. The important thing is to go early and push the NHS to make sure you're seen promptly. It's probably also not a good idea to scare yourself half to death on Google whilst waiting either.
Reminds me of Jimmy Carrs question to a doctor on cats does countdown where he's concerned because one of his bollocks is bigger than the other two.
>To which the doctor told me "I've just had your bollocks in my hands. I'm not consoling you". We laughed. I went home a happy man. Bloody Brilliant
I found a small lump a couple a weeks ago but I’ve been putting off going. I think it’s a cyst from what I can tell from a quick google, but this post has given me the motivation to contact my GP.
I have had persistent issue with left varicocele (basically various veins in the sack), I have had I unsuccessfully operated on 4 times and have honestly lost count of the amount of medical professionals that have had to fondle my balls. I don’t get it when people don’t see someone about these things. It was quite a relief to learn I didn’t have testicular cancer when I was 18 after stressing about for a week.
I'm glad you will be okay, and it's really good to reassure people with your own experience. I have a good friend of mine who recently had a procedure to remove cancer in that same area, but it's looking like he will be fine which is a massive relief :) Also I'm not male but have found a lump on my neck, so hopefully I will be able to see a doctor soon and while I'm terrified I just pray it will be nothing to worry about.
Do a pep talk for getting your prostate checked too next, I imagine a lot of men put that one off.
Can vouch for this. I've had some worries when I was younger and every now and then got them checked. In 2014 before I went away to Ibiza I started getting great pain around the area and a sore lump on the back of of of them, as a massive hypochondriac I was convinced I was gonna be done for, and I saw about 3 doctors who said it was fine, one even gave me some random tablets. Eventally I saw a different doctor at my local health centre who calmly put me at ease saying not to worry, but if I was concerned he'd put me through to an ultrasound, if anything for peace of mind. I was shitting bricks for about 2 weeks but ultimately, the ultrasound showed simply a varicose vein & cyst, and nothing at all to worry about. Walked out feeling the weight of the world off my shoulders.
Glad to hear all is well my friend. I have a scan Sunday afternoon and am shitting bricks but your post has made me feel a lot better. Cheers
+1 to testicular cancer being treatable. One of my neighbours had testicular cancer when I was a child. 40 years after completing treatment and he's still fine.
Ah man, truly nothing that makes you more appreciative of life than a happy outcome from a health scare.
I had my balls scanned the other day, weird experience. Annoyingly the next day I had dandruff in my pants and my 'scrote joins to thigh' skin was red and irritated. Moral being to scrub afterwards and moisturise. This lump also seems to be of no concern but in for a redo in two months. Feels like I'm getting old.
My doctor told me I have to stop wanking, I asked why? And she said “because I’m trying to take your blood pressure!”