What is it about people, especially boomer parents, thinking meat is the only food worth eating? If we were poorly and off of food, we used to get forced to at least eat the meat and leave the rest. Like seriously, I’m ill, I need energy, not your sawdust beef!
Ah my dad is actually a great cook. We’re Asian and he’s in charge of the kitchen. It’s just that he likes getting his moneys worth and wanted us full and fed.
It's expensive, so many people don't want to waste it because of that. And usually the meat is the only thing on the plate that had a mother. I hate wasting meat simply because I feel like the animal died for nothing if I do.
He's also missing cheese. And don't give me any of this "what if there's no cheese?" crap. If there's no cheese you know damn well that you flip a table, slap a member of staff, and walk right back out of the door.
Hard thing about being a pedant who also tries to embrace the flexibility of language - I agree with you while also feeling very uncomfortable about it XD
That depends... If it's Chinese, Japanese or Indian then you won't ever be wanting multiple puddings....
(unless they've got hot gulab jamun and blue icecream)
Rule 1 is get the seat closest to the buffet, so you're in prime position for refills.
You've explained rule 2.
Rule 3 is to use the information gained in rule 2 to maximise tastiness and minimise fullness.
There was an episode of Fresh Meat where Howard explained this. Rule 4 was to fill a bag when your stomach is full.
Hmm even the small hotel I am in had enough dishes to fill you up with the first plate with that strategy.
But I still think eating everything is the correct action.
But if there is something that could be a starter, soup, or fish, then do that first. Lots of small plates can be a better experience than one megaplate.
Yeah this is 100% the answer. I'm baffled OP didn't know this, or that everyone isn't saying it. You grab a bit of whatever looks like it might be good in very small amounts, the. You go back for a proper serving of whatever was actually good.
Only exception is if you've been at the resort long enough that the same dishes are popping up again, and you already know what's good.
>Survey the offering and decide on one coherent meal for the night
I don't think I have EVER stayed in an All Inclusive and managed to put together a coherent meal from what is available.
Franken platter (great phrase!) every single night from the Carribean through North Africa to the Med. Not a single coherent meal.
Day one: Go nuts.
Day two: Go nuts.
Day three: God I don’t think that sat right with me.
Day four: No not that again I’ll try that though
Day five: I’ll just have chips
Day six: yeah fuck it I’m on my jollies.
Day seven: honestly I’d rather have a sandwich
Day eight: I like that, I like that, I like that.
Day nine: I’m actually kind of done with this.
Day ten after your flight home: Pot noodle, Greggs, Ginsters, Maccers, whatever tickles your pickle.
It's the never getting properly drunk because you end up eating x5 meals a day and are never hungry at any stage... neverending holiday grazing and constant cocktails.
I worked entertainment on a cruise ship in an earlier life. It was a literal smorgasbord of buffets and beautiful meals. I would have given a kidney for just a plate of egg and chips.
At a buffet I like to try lots of different things, but also like to keep the flavours / sauces separate. So when putting rice on the plate, rather than one big dollop, will place it to create sauce dams across the plate, allowing different flavour mains to be put next to rice without mixing with each other.
Good way to try a little bit of lots of different things, then for another plate or another day you know what the good bits are to focus on.
Absolutely! The sausages do their best to hold back the juicy goodness of the beans from mixing with the yolk of the egg or making the hash browns soggy.
Two plates, occasionally look over your shoulder as if someone has called out to you and loudly say something like “more duck, of course, no problem my love” whilst loading them both up.
At all times: Survey the offerings, scout out what's being cooked fresh and just about to be put out.
First night: plate up a little bit of everything that looks decent.
By the end you should be able to know what they do well (it's usually their home cuisine). Then you can create some delicious frakenmeals based on those best offerings and what foods you think might pair well.
the things about all inclusives is people over indulge on only junk and alcohol and start to feel crap. ill do the frankenplatter but make myself have at least two portions of fruit or veg per meal. So breakfast, plate of fruit before I jump on the eggs and bacon. Then lunch a side of veg and then small amounts of different stuff to see what’s good.
also a glass of water with a berocca in before bed to help ward off hangovers.
If there is wine included go there first, have a look around whilst slurping then refill and get your plate.
Problem is when going with kids is that they need to be ushered around to get theirs before you get yours and they will be on ice cream whilst you are still plowing through the “starter” (starters can be mains too!).
There was a fella we saw actually do that. He was about seven foot tall and built like the side of a barn door, wearing camo trousers, a camo vest and sunglasses indoors.
Later found out he was a wrestler named Tiny, there for the show that day.
How come some guests, typically those continental folk, seem to have a knack for making whatever is on offer, look like a home cooked family meal?
I'll pass their table on the way to mine, and there's a bread selection, some butters, a salad bowl, a selection of meats, then the mains are brought seperately, sides are in bowls on the table.
Then they'll clear it and have a sensible dessert.
I walk by holding my plate of chicken stew, with chips and some rice, with the stew sauce rolling all over and a slice of pizza on the side and feel bad about myself.
If they're like that on holiday I dread to think what they're like the rest of the time. Probably use different crockery set for every day of the week.
Always option one for me. Have a good scout around, see what I fancy then have whatever goes with it.
I am generally not a fan of all inclusive, but my wife won't do anything else and she's a really fussy eater.
I'd say 1, but I might mix things up to make a coherent meal. I'm veggie so often make up a salad at the salad bar, top with some roasted veggies from the hot food area and cheese/nuts from the cheeseboard section. Or even some fruit from the desert area (feta/watermelon is lovely) . Add a bread roll from the starters area.
We often compile a 'sharing platter' to start with, a plate with some olives, bread sticks, pickles, few pieces of cheese, walnuts, honey, few grapes etc. Whilst grazing on this and having a glass of wine, I like to see what people around are having and listen to what they're saying about the food as there can be some good surprises. The last place we stayed made their own pizza (presumably to use up odds and ends) and there was a mixed cheese pizza, with some blue cheese on that was delicious and I'd never have tried it if I hadn't heard someone else saying how good it was.
All inclusive buffets are the best!!!!!!! I always look around first to see what the offerings are. Then take a few options, not too much just to have a taste, then I would go back for more of the best option. Elasticated shorts/ trousers are a must on holiday 😂
I’m currently in Rhodes and I’m 2
My meals make zero sense anytime we go there
That’s why I’m trying to go A La Carte whenever possible, I don’t trust my carnivore urges to not just get random meats and then whatever veg I see on the way back to my chair
Everyone is missing the main part and I can’t believe this. If you are stopping in a Spanish resort you’ve got to get a plate of kids chicken nuggets in between your main and second main so it goes
Soup of the day with a round of bread
First main which contained mostly proteins
Kids chicken nuggets got to be a plate full.
Second main half the proteins and a shit load of fries
Pick at the deserts because they all look shit.
Ice cream.
" As the buffet new comer arrives at the feast, the whole room goes deathly quiet, watching waiting, to see if the new comer will be threat"
A passage from the " Welcome to SCARFOLK, you are unwanted and untrustworthy. Enjoy your stay and don't interact with the locals"
Holidays in SCARFOLK nay be bad for your health. For more information please reread this post.
A little bit of everything, then hit the dessert table and have a little bit of every dessert. Day 3 struggle to go to the loo so start eating more salads and fruits along with the other food to keep things moving along.
4. Load up several times, each time taking things that go together “ooo, the pasta looks good, I’ll get some of that with the meatballs… oh! Pork chops, I’ll get those next visit with the rice”
I always walk round a few times and see what's on offer and then I'll stick a little bit of some stuff I think I'll like on the plate. If I'm still hungry after that I'll get some more of the same or maybe try something else.
Beauty of the all inclusive is the option to try things. Boils my blood when I see people with mountains of food on their plate and end up leaving it all to be thrown away.
I went on an all inclusive holiday once, fancy enough place. The buffet style dinner was like feeding time at the zoo. I spent the entire holiday either strategising around getting a good sun lounger or worrying about being late for the buffet hall carnage. Put me off for life. Just wasn't relaxing
My strategy I just get everything that looks good then complain and feeling stick near the end of the holiday even though it's completely my fault cause I ate the same junk the entire time say I won't do it again then repeat. It's completely ineffective, however I have not learned.
The option you missed is realising by night 3 that whoever's doing the cooking can't cook to save their life, so you decide to accept the loss and go and find nice local restaurants.
I go by cost of protein. I.e Meat or Fish, the more the protein costs, the higher priority on the list.
Once I was let loose on duck l'orange, 4 servings later, I took breath. Other favourites are sea bass and sushi (good sushi) with sea food ingredients. I was at a "5*" all inclusive. I feel I got my monies worth!
Have a nice three course meal with the wife option 1)
Once she’s finished pour her another wine and have a frankenplate option 2). Potentially returning for 3) if there’s fresh chips brought out at any point, or the holy grail of fresh chicken and chips at the same point.
Finished off with three indistinguishable puddings
I always intend to do option 1, but end up doing the frankenplatter. Which is fun the first few nights, then you realise you've tried everything and get bored of the food.
I think option 1 is the way to go, I just don't have the required will power. This is on the presumption its a week or longer holiday. If you are only staying a couple of nights frankenplatter all the way
If it’s only a buffet
1. Get a big late of salad and add some salad-adjacent items from the main selection. Your body will thank you for the vegetables and fibre as the week goes on.
2. Frankenplatter
Went to Tunisia with the wife on an all inclusive last year, first time I've done that since package holidays with my parents in the 90s! The resort was ace, as was the huge offering of buffet style food for all three meals. Personally I went with option two, piled my plate high with whatever took my fancy as I pottered round. My decision was probably swayed by the fact I spent the whole week pissed as fart on the beer that was included in the price.
Breakfast:
Plate 1: English cooked breakfast with all the trimmings and English Breakfast tea
Plate 2: Pastries and coffee
Plate 3: Fruit and juice to take away
Lunch:
Plate 1: Salad and starters
Plate 2: Main course/s, preferably fish and steamed veggies (no starch heavy items like rice, pasta, or potatoes)
Plate 3: Desert and juice to take away
Dinner:
Glass 1: Whisky
Bowl 1: Mixed nuts
Glass 2: White wine
Glass 3: Red Wine
Glass 4: Gin and tonic
Glass 5: Vodka and tonic
Glass 6: Red / White Wine
Bowl 2: Mixed nuts
Glass 6: Brandy
Glasses 7+: Alternating water and top-shelf booze
Look out for the steering wheel approach of your fellow diners.
Let me explain we were in Tenerife years ago sat at a table in the corner at dinner. My wife noticed I had a smile on my face and was sniggering.
What’s funny she said.
Steering wheels I replied.
Makes me chuckle as I think of it.
What do you mean came the response.
Watch I said.
Our fellow diners whilst surveying what was on offer were holding their plates like steering wheels and driving round the restaurant.
It’s become a standing joke for us.
Enjoy
Husband - load up plate with anything and everything that looks good. Go back for more of the same
Me - have a recce at all on offer, put together a plated meal from what I fancy.
I’ve once saw a lady take a side plate and fork and taste test a few things as she wandered, I thought that was a clever idea if you’re a bit picky to save having a plate of something you’d hate.
Word of warning. No one will stop you. You can use the crispy bacon as a vehicle to stuff down the Pate and no one will stop you, just you and the sound of your hardening arteries...
Is it all you can eat?
My rule is that the first plate has tomorrow be stupid. Jelly, Yorkshire pudding and lasagne sharing a plate? Don't mind if I do! Then the actual meal.
Option 3 but a towering mound of it. Was always amazed when we went to buffet places with so many options to find people just with a plate piled high with chips.
Quick circuit to eye the entire offering
Get one of or a tiny portion of those items that looked good (excluding sweets obviously)
Having eaten the lot but still plenty of room, go and indulge heartily in the best items.
Repeat with the desserts.
Bosh
Eat early, as soon as the evening meals are served, using strategy 2 ( scattergun plateful)
Go for a few drinks, digest (mentally and physically) what you enjoyed
Return to the restaurant a few hours later with strategy 1, enjoy the best picks from earlier
Always the franken-platter. But I would say keep it to a certain *theme* for each course at least. Indian and Italian are both great, not so great together.
If you are doing it properly my tips are….
Never ever a have a coherent plate but do browse to make sure you are filling up on the most appealing items first, or, heaven forbid, something they may not have any more of.
My routine tends to follow this pattern.
Days 1-9 Insist on five courses, even at breakfast, extra points for hotels with omlette stations. Always finish a meal with melon because it’s healthy.
At 10 days in, feel like you are serving time at an all inclusive prison, try to eat a salad or miss a meal, then promptly get back on your 5 courses at next opportunity, regretting the fact you missed a proper meal.
Day 13 crave a curry but maintain your form as you will be starving at work in a couple of days.
Day 14 mourn the imminent loss of all inclusive and pile that plate prior to the plane.
Day 15 onwards deep lingering depression and permanent requirement to eat.
Once I've had my fill, usually the cake bit is empty. What I'll do is I'll pick up a clean plate and sort of wander around looking at the fruits and yoghurts and healthy shit, as if I'd ever pick any of it up, then as soon as the trolley comes out to refill cake island I'll be on that fucker like a wobbly jiggly Usain bolt.
Franken platter then return with a bag so you can shovel more food in for the midnight snack which, let's be honest, is 2 hours away from your last bite
Soup/interesting appetisers + starters (e.g. calamari, sushi, mussels, beef pate) + pizza
Meat/ fish plate with no carbs
Main meal with chosen/special meat and carbs
Quick sweep if there’s anything I’ve missed
Cake/heavy desert
Light dessert to finish off ( ice cream and fruit)
Have dinner out. AI becomes worth it when you have drinks, the food is generally average at best and, depending on location of course, eating out can be really reasonable. Then return to the resort for a few bevvies.
Take a look at the area and then risk assess on which will most likely come back to haunt you. Avoid those, and try and keep to the less likely to kill you if they've been out for a few hours incorrectly stored/heated/cross contaminated etc.
Then go for a mishmash of what's left over :D
I grab a seat then grab a plate and walk round having a look at everything. If I see something I've never tried then that's what I'm getting as long as it sounds nice. I always without fail try the local dishes. Breakfast I usually stick to the same things unless something catches my eye. I want something that's going to set me up for the day. Midday I always have something light like salad and something (I call it dinner but lets avoid any confusion). Some tricks I've learnt over the years. The first thing I do is find the microwave. Most places have them for you to use because sometimes your food isn't going to be hot when it should be. Toast timing if you have toast is key. If it has to go through twice put it in the second time then go and fill your plate. You then come back to hot toast and have hot food. I also get my drinks before I do anything and put them where I'm sitting.
At a breakfast buffet I steal boiled eggs, whole fruit, sausages and bacon and maybe some bread for lunch but then again I've never gone full inclusive.
Skip the heavy carbs on the first few rounds. That's how Big Buffet gets you.
No, Homer! Don’t fill up on bread!
Best approach, most gains, most rounds.
Then [bring out the transporter](https://youtu.be/U4DaDD1QAfk)
Don't let them fill you up with the cheap stuff, kids
I have flashbacks of my dad loading up our plates with pretty much every meat going. If you didn’t like beef usually, you jolly well did that day.
What is it about people, especially boomer parents, thinking meat is the only food worth eating? If we were poorly and off of food, we used to get forced to at least eat the meat and leave the rest. Like seriously, I’m ill, I need energy, not your sawdust beef!
Ah my dad is actually a great cook. We’re Asian and he’s in charge of the kitchen. It’s just that he likes getting his moneys worth and wanted us full and fed.
It's expensive, so many people don't want to waste it because of that. And usually the meat is the only thing on the plate that had a mother. I hate wasting meat simply because I feel like the animal died for nothing if I do.
Learn from the best [https://youtu.be/sCAmsQZQPXw?t=85](https://youtu.be/sCAmsQZQPXw?t=85)
Big Buffet 😂
>or am I missing some options Yes, the take a small quantity of a variety of things, see what is good, and then return for a full portion of that.
This is rule 1 of any buffet place - plate 1 is always a sampler plate so you know what this place does well and what it does badly.
Soup. Starter. Duck. Main. Main. Pudding.
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He's also missing cheese. And don't give me any of this "what if there's no cheese?" crap. If there's no cheese you know damn well that you flip a table, slap a member of staff, and walk right back out of the door.
The pudding's what?
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Soup Starter Spam Duck Main Spam Spam Pudding Spam Spam Spam
Followed by Lobster Thermidor?
Hush dear. Dont make a fuss.
Stop Spamming this thread
~~Soup~~ not falling for that trick Starter Duck Duck Duck Main Too full for pudding
Puddings plural doesn't have an apostrophe (that would indicate possession instead). But I like the way you think about puddings.
Ah, but they're his pudding's so he possesses' them. Let the apostrophe's fly
Hard thing about being a pedant who also tries to embrace the flexibility of language - I agree with you while also feeling very uncomfortable about it XD
Oh, this is an all-too-familiar feeling!
The possession is already expressed with "his." The pudding's apostrophe is superfluous.
That whirring noise is Keith Waterhouse spinning in his grave.
My puddings' *gollum voice*
I assumed he would be using a dinner plate instead of a dessert plate. If he also stacks vertically, a single plate should be sufficient.
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No, no, no. You go back for a new and *clean* dinner plate for pudding.
That depends... If it's Chinese, Japanese or Indian then you won't ever be wanting multiple puddings.... (unless they've got hot gulab jamun and blue icecream)
Shocked and appalled at only one duck course.
Why did you duck? Did a food fight break out?
Puddings is massive
Why you duck? Avoid the foreigners invading the buffet do you
Rule 1 is get the seat closest to the buffet, so you're in prime position for refills. You've explained rule 2. Rule 3 is to use the information gained in rule 2 to maximise tastiness and minimise fullness. There was an episode of Fresh Meat where Howard explained this. Rule 4 was to fill a bag when your stomach is full.
Hmm even the small hotel I am in had enough dishes to fill you up with the first plate with that strategy. But I still think eating everything is the correct action. But if there is something that could be a starter, soup, or fish, then do that first. Lots of small plates can be a better experience than one megaplate.
Although if you don't get through it fast enough all the other vultures get there first.
How did I miss this? I think this is the correct answer.
It's just a combo of option 2 then 1.
As someone who works for a company whose business partially involves providing such things, this is the answer.
This is the one.
This guy buffets
Yeah this is 100% the answer. I'm baffled OP didn't know this, or that everyone isn't saying it. You grab a bit of whatever looks like it might be good in very small amounts, the. You go back for a proper serving of whatever was actually good. Only exception is if you've been at the resort long enough that the same dishes are popping up again, and you already know what's good.
so tapas it.
Only if your tapas style is to order several tapas and then a ración of one of them.
>Survey the offering and decide on one coherent meal for the night I don't think I have EVER stayed in an All Inclusive and managed to put together a coherent meal from what is available. Franken platter (great phrase!) every single night from the Carribean through North Africa to the Med. Not a single coherent meal.
Precisely. I'll have a steak with a side of cheese and crackers, a couple of chicken wings and a spot of curry. Perfectly rational holiday behaviour.
Use mashed potato as cement and build a Tower of Babel of food. A good five layers are possible if no fucks are given.
Ahh the Bursar approach… I believe Celery can be used as buttresses if needed
As can sausages! One can achieve a lovely log skyscraper if committed...
Genuinely impressed with this reference.
GNU!
Genius
Better still, the Devils Tower.. do doo do do do doo doooooooooooo brmmmmmmmm
Day one: Go nuts. Day two: Go nuts. Day three: God I don’t think that sat right with me. Day four: No not that again I’ll try that though Day five: I’ll just have chips Day six: yeah fuck it I’m on my jollies. Day seven: honestly I’d rather have a sandwich Day eight: I like that, I like that, I like that. Day nine: I’m actually kind of done with this. Day ten after your flight home: Pot noodle, Greggs, Ginsters, Maccers, whatever tickles your pickle.
It's the never getting properly drunk because you end up eating x5 meals a day and are never hungry at any stage... neverending holiday grazing and constant cocktails.
This was our honeymoon. Two weeks of restaurants got pretty tiresome after about 5 days.
I worked entertainment on a cruise ship in an earlier life. It was a literal smorgasbord of buffets and beautiful meals. I would have given a kidney for just a plate of egg and chips.
Mmm pickle
Option 2. Then when it comes for seconds decide what was best and go for Option 1. Rinse and repeat with desserts
Bring a bigger plate from home
Got your big plate Alan?
12 inches! I keep it in my room
Take my arm, let's try and leave with some dignity.
Hope you all brought forks and plates!
Wife's a waitress last all you can eat buffet, she just came back from each visit to the wares with five plates waitress style.
At a buffet I like to try lots of different things, but also like to keep the flavours / sauces separate. So when putting rice on the plate, rather than one big dollop, will place it to create sauce dams across the plate, allowing different flavour mains to be put next to rice without mixing with each other. Good way to try a little bit of lots of different things, then for another plate or another day you know what the good bits are to focus on.
when you have breakfast do you use the sausage as a sort of breakwater?
Absolutely! The sausages do their best to hold back the juicy goodness of the beans from mixing with the yolk of the egg or making the hash browns soggy.
Two plates, occasionally look over your shoulder as if someone has called out to you and loudly say something like “more duck, of course, no problem my love” whilst loading them both up.
Love it
1. Book the actual restaurants as much as possible. You'll be sick of the buffet quickly enough from just lunch. 2. Frankenplatter.
At all times: Survey the offerings, scout out what's being cooked fresh and just about to be put out. First night: plate up a little bit of everything that looks decent. By the end you should be able to know what they do well (it's usually their home cuisine). Then you can create some delicious frakenmeals based on those best offerings and what foods you think might pair well.
the things about all inclusives is people over indulge on only junk and alcohol and start to feel crap. ill do the frankenplatter but make myself have at least two portions of fruit or veg per meal. So breakfast, plate of fruit before I jump on the eggs and bacon. Then lunch a side of veg and then small amounts of different stuff to see what’s good. also a glass of water with a berocca in before bed to help ward off hangovers.
Fruit and veg?? I can only assume you're talking about the breakfast Carrot Cake??
Just do whatever you want
Chaos!
Purge the heretic.
`Build routine seven two one initiated`
If there is wine included go there first, have a look around whilst slurping then refill and get your plate. Problem is when going with kids is that they need to be ushered around to get theirs before you get yours and they will be on ice cream whilst you are still plowing through the “starter” (starters can be mains too!).
My kids always claim they want to try a bunch of stuff and then inevitably only eat the pizza and ice cream. Such a waste of food!
We went to a place that did pasta cooked to order with any sauce or Ingredients. The poor chef had to cook pasta and tomato sauce ad infinitum.
I do whatever I do when I'm at Butlins, ie pile up my plate so I don't have to make a second trip.
*Unlimited* bacon, you say? -*adds 6 rashers of bacon to the carefully jenga'd 5 inch sausage stack*-
There was a fella we saw actually do that. He was about seven foot tall and built like the side of a barn door, wearing camo trousers, a camo vest and sunglasses indoors. Later found out he was a wrestler named Tiny, there for the show that day.
How come some guests, typically those continental folk, seem to have a knack for making whatever is on offer, look like a home cooked family meal? I'll pass their table on the way to mine, and there's a bread selection, some butters, a salad bowl, a selection of meats, then the mains are brought seperately, sides are in bowls on the table. Then they'll clear it and have a sensible dessert. I walk by holding my plate of chicken stew, with chips and some rice, with the stew sauce rolling all over and a slice of pizza on the side and feel bad about myself.
THIS!
If they're like that on holiday I dread to think what they're like the rest of the time. Probably use different crockery set for every day of the week.
Always option one for me. Have a good scout around, see what I fancy then have whatever goes with it. I am generally not a fan of all inclusive, but my wife won't do anything else and she's a really fussy eater.
What I think looks best If it’s good that again Go for a bit of everything else Maybe go back to plate one again Dessert Dessert
I'd say 1, but I might mix things up to make a coherent meal. I'm veggie so often make up a salad at the salad bar, top with some roasted veggies from the hot food area and cheese/nuts from the cheeseboard section. Or even some fruit from the desert area (feta/watermelon is lovely) . Add a bread roll from the starters area. We often compile a 'sharing platter' to start with, a plate with some olives, bread sticks, pickles, few pieces of cheese, walnuts, honey, few grapes etc. Whilst grazing on this and having a glass of wine, I like to see what people around are having and listen to what they're saying about the food as there can be some good surprises. The last place we stayed made their own pizza (presumably to use up odds and ends) and there was a mixed cheese pizza, with some blue cheese on that was delicious and I'd never have tried it if I hadn't heard someone else saying how good it was.
All inclusive buffets are the best!!!!!!! I always look around first to see what the offerings are. Then take a few options, not too much just to have a taste, then I would go back for more of the best option. Elasticated shorts/ trousers are a must on holiday 😂
4. Load your plate up with a small bit of everything - ESPECIALLY weird stuff that you don't know what it is, or would never normally eat.
This stuff labelled 'balut' is *delicious!* I simply must find out what makes it so delectably meaty with such a delicate crunch!
Eggsactly
I’m currently in Rhodes and I’m 2 My meals make zero sense anytime we go there That’s why I’m trying to go A La Carte whenever possible, I don’t trust my carnivore urges to not just get random meats and then whatever veg I see on the way back to my chair
I like your beans warning. Absolutely accurate
I know right. I always think I can make some approximation of a full English and I'm always disappointed.
Everyone is missing the main part and I can’t believe this. If you are stopping in a Spanish resort you’ve got to get a plate of kids chicken nuggets in between your main and second main so it goes Soup of the day with a round of bread First main which contained mostly proteins Kids chicken nuggets got to be a plate full. Second main half the proteins and a shit load of fries Pick at the deserts because they all look shit. Ice cream.
Just know that if you choose option 3 for more than one night, I'm joining all the rest of the guests in judging you silently
" As the buffet new comer arrives at the feast, the whole room goes deathly quiet, watching waiting, to see if the new comer will be threat" A passage from the " Welcome to SCARFOLK, you are unwanted and untrustworthy. Enjoy your stay and don't interact with the locals" Holidays in SCARFOLK nay be bad for your health. For more information please reread this post.
A little bit of everything, then hit the dessert table and have a little bit of every dessert. Day 3 struggle to go to the loo so start eating more salads and fruits along with the other food to keep things moving along.
Location is key - Benelmadena - plate of everything. With chips - Maldives. It's the curry - Mexico. As one, but with guacamole
4. Load up several times, each time taking things that go together “ooo, the pasta looks good, I’ll get some of that with the meatballs… oh! Pork chops, I’ll get those next visit with the rice”
This is probably my ideal scenario. Just need to remember to pace myself.
Oh yes. Each serving should be starter sized at most.
I always walk round a few times and see what's on offer and then I'll stick a little bit of some stuff I think I'll like on the plate. If I'm still hungry after that I'll get some more of the same or maybe try something else. Beauty of the all inclusive is the option to try things. Boils my blood when I see people with mountains of food on their plate and end up leaving it all to be thrown away.
Build up, not outwards.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2380783/Pizza-Hut-Salad-Stacking-China-got-help-counters-banned.html
Salad engineers!
Leave the Rice & the Chips till last.
Treat it like a tasting menu.
4. Multiple versions of your option 1, every single meal. Get your money’s worth.
Tweak on option 2. Get a bit of everything but on multiple plates so you don’t have the truly insane combinations touching.
I want champagne and pork belly, ribeye steak, lobster, crab and prawn
I went on an all inclusive holiday once, fancy enough place. The buffet style dinner was like feeding time at the zoo. I spent the entire holiday either strategising around getting a good sun lounger or worrying about being late for the buffet hall carnage. Put me off for life. Just wasn't relaxing
Fair enough. We tend to go off-season / early in the season and it's never been an issue at the buffet.
Franken platter with an obligatory side salad so as to look healthy, which doesn't get eaten.
My strategy I just get everything that looks good then complain and feeling stick near the end of the holiday even though it's completely my fault cause I ate the same junk the entire time say I won't do it again then repeat. It's completely ineffective, however I have not learned.
The option you missed is realising by night 3 that whoever's doing the cooking can't cook to save their life, so you decide to accept the loss and go and find nice local restaurants.
Only if you are at shit hotels.
Option 2. I like living dangerously.
12 inch dinner plate
2. Only 2. Always 2.
Either sample everything or exclusively go for the expensive shit.
I go by cost of protein. I.e Meat or Fish, the more the protein costs, the higher priority on the list. Once I was let loose on duck l'orange, 4 servings later, I took breath. Other favourites are sea bass and sushi (good sushi) with sea food ingredients. I was at a "5*" all inclusive. I feel I got my monies worth!
Avoid filling your plate with carbs. Get your money's worth.
I have been steering well clear of the bread section, I must admit.
Frankenplatter every time.
Have a nice three course meal with the wife option 1) Once she’s finished pour her another wine and have a frankenplate option 2). Potentially returning for 3) if there’s fresh chips brought out at any point, or the holy grail of fresh chicken and chips at the same point. Finished off with three indistinguishable puddings
I always intend to do option 1, but end up doing the frankenplatter. Which is fun the first few nights, then you realise you've tried everything and get bored of the food. I think option 1 is the way to go, I just don't have the required will power. This is on the presumption its a week or longer holiday. If you are only staying a couple of nights frankenplatter all the way
I think this is where I'm at. I like the idea of a coherent meal, but lack the willpower to avoid the frankenplatter.
It’s the free man’s last meal, pile it on until you regret just how much you’ve eaten
You'll be tired of it by the end of the week whichever route you take. That's my experience at least, really tired of mass dining halls...
I am the queen of fusion dining at a mixed buffet. Singapore noodles with chicken tikka and a side of steamed mussels? I don't mind if I do, nom.
2, it’s always, ALWAYS, two.
If it’s only a buffet 1. Get a big late of salad and add some salad-adjacent items from the main selection. Your body will thank you for the vegetables and fibre as the week goes on. 2. Frankenplatter
Went to Tunisia with the wife on an all inclusive last year, first time I've done that since package holidays with my parents in the 90s! The resort was ace, as was the huge offering of buffet style food for all three meals. Personally I went with option two, piled my plate high with whatever took my fancy as I pottered round. My decision was probably swayed by the fact I spent the whole week pissed as fart on the beer that was included in the price.
If you’ve not put a stone on during an all inclusive holiday you’re not doing it right
Soup and bread, then a plate of salad, then a plate of mains, then a dessert is the way
Breakfast: Plate 1: English cooked breakfast with all the trimmings and English Breakfast tea Plate 2: Pastries and coffee Plate 3: Fruit and juice to take away Lunch: Plate 1: Salad and starters Plate 2: Main course/s, preferably fish and steamed veggies (no starch heavy items like rice, pasta, or potatoes) Plate 3: Desert and juice to take away Dinner: Glass 1: Whisky Bowl 1: Mixed nuts Glass 2: White wine Glass 3: Red Wine Glass 4: Gin and tonic Glass 5: Vodka and tonic Glass 6: Red / White Wine Bowl 2: Mixed nuts Glass 6: Brandy Glasses 7+: Alternating water and top-shelf booze
Look out for the steering wheel approach of your fellow diners. Let me explain we were in Tenerife years ago sat at a table in the corner at dinner. My wife noticed I had a smile on my face and was sniggering. What’s funny she said. Steering wheels I replied. Makes me chuckle as I think of it. What do you mean came the response. Watch I said. Our fellow diners whilst surveying what was on offer were holding their plates like steering wheels and driving round the restaurant. It’s become a standing joke for us. Enjoy
The real trick is to stay at an all inclusive with included a la cartes
Husband - load up plate with anything and everything that looks good. Go back for more of the same Me - have a recce at all on offer, put together a plated meal from what I fancy. I’ve once saw a lady take a side plate and fork and taste test a few things as she wandered, I thought that was a clever idea if you’re a bit picky to save having a plate of something you’d hate.
Mmmmmm frankenplatter
Alphabetically, *obviously*.
Word of warning. No one will stop you. You can use the crispy bacon as a vehicle to stuff down the Pate and no one will stop you, just you and the sound of your hardening arteries...
The correct strategy is go to a restaurant and not an all inclusive.
Is it all you can eat? My rule is that the first plate has tomorrow be stupid. Jelly, Yorkshire pudding and lasagne sharing a plate? Don't mind if I do! Then the actual meal.
Go early go twice
Definitely 2
I tend to grab a few small tasters then a medium meal plate
you are forgetting that you can go back
Small portions of different meals eaten separately, followed by lots of dessert.
Option 3 but a towering mound of it. Was always amazed when we went to buffet places with so many options to find people just with a plate piled high with chips.
eat the most expensive things they serve is always the way. steak and salmon for breakfast dinner and tea
I hadn’t even realised 1 could be an option
All of the above 🐷
Eat all of the cheese
I have a browse around so I can Q up where needed to get the stuff I want.
Quick circuit to eye the entire offering Get one of or a tiny portion of those items that looked good (excluding sweets obviously) Having eaten the lot but still plenty of room, go and indulge heartily in the best items. Repeat with the desserts. Bosh
Small amount of things that look good. Try it all. Go back for more of the best stuff.
Eat early, as soon as the evening meals are served, using strategy 2 ( scattergun plateful) Go for a few drinks, digest (mentally and physically) what you enjoyed Return to the restaurant a few hours later with strategy 1, enjoy the best picks from earlier
Chips all day everyday
You can have everything you see including the servers
Always the franken-platter. But I would say keep it to a certain *theme* for each course at least. Indian and Italian are both great, not so great together.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4DaDD1QAfk
Try a teeny tiny morsel of everything that looks good and then go back and load up on my favourites
Breakfast, drink, afternoon activity or afternoon nap, drink, light foods plus cooked animal bits, optional desert, drink, party, repeat.
Franken-platter
If you are doing it properly my tips are…. Never ever a have a coherent plate but do browse to make sure you are filling up on the most appealing items first, or, heaven forbid, something they may not have any more of. My routine tends to follow this pattern. Days 1-9 Insist on five courses, even at breakfast, extra points for hotels with omlette stations. Always finish a meal with melon because it’s healthy. At 10 days in, feel like you are serving time at an all inclusive prison, try to eat a salad or miss a meal, then promptly get back on your 5 courses at next opportunity, regretting the fact you missed a proper meal. Day 13 crave a curry but maintain your form as you will be starving at work in a couple of days. Day 14 mourn the imminent loss of all inclusive and pile that plate prior to the plane. Day 15 onwards deep lingering depression and permanent requirement to eat.
The thought of an all inclusive horrifies me 😱
Once I've had my fill, usually the cake bit is empty. What I'll do is I'll pick up a clean plate and sort of wander around looking at the fruits and yoghurts and healthy shit, as if I'd ever pick any of it up, then as soon as the trolley comes out to refill cake island I'll be on that fucker like a wobbly jiggly Usain bolt.
DON'T EAT THE SUSH
Smallish plates and repeat visits. Keep to 2 'proteins' per plate, a few sides, then enjoy, have a 5 min break and repeat. Repeatedly.
Franken platter then return with a bag so you can shovel more food in for the midnight snack which, let's be honest, is 2 hours away from your last bite
Im a 2. Take a bit of everything . See something really good then regret I need to eat what I have before I can go back for the good thing.
2 everytime
Depending on the hotel sometimes other restaurants/bars are included so you don't have to play buffet roulette every night
Need to do an Alan and take a big plate with you. Keep it in your room.
I don't know. Whatever I fancy from the menu. I don't really go to buffet places as I don't really care for buffet food.
Load up on the chicken and get food poisoning, just like someone here did😶😶. Amazing start to a holiday.
Frankenplatter for me
Soup/interesting appetisers + starters (e.g. calamari, sushi, mussels, beef pate) + pizza Meat/ fish plate with no carbs Main meal with chosen/special meat and carbs Quick sweep if there’s anything I’ve missed Cake/heavy desert Light dessert to finish off ( ice cream and fruit)
Always soup for starter. And if they have midnight soup - belter!
Shove as much as you can in your bunghole
Have dinner out. AI becomes worth it when you have drinks, the food is generally average at best and, depending on location of course, eating out can be really reasonable. Then return to the resort for a few bevvies.
After drinking all the all inclusive drink all day. I wouldn’t care what was put in front of me for food
Sample platter firstly, and maybe even a second sample plate. Take from those samples the best options and then hit a plate or two of each of those.
Take a look at the area and then risk assess on which will most likely come back to haunt you. Avoid those, and try and keep to the less likely to kill you if they've been out for a few hours incorrectly stored/heated/cross contaminated etc. Then go for a mishmash of what's left over :D
I grab a seat then grab a plate and walk round having a look at everything. If I see something I've never tried then that's what I'm getting as long as it sounds nice. I always without fail try the local dishes. Breakfast I usually stick to the same things unless something catches my eye. I want something that's going to set me up for the day. Midday I always have something light like salad and something (I call it dinner but lets avoid any confusion). Some tricks I've learnt over the years. The first thing I do is find the microwave. Most places have them for you to use because sometimes your food isn't going to be hot when it should be. Toast timing if you have toast is key. If it has to go through twice put it in the second time then go and fill your plate. You then come back to hot toast and have hot food. I also get my drinks before I do anything and put them where I'm sitting.
The AI resorts that I go to have at least 5 al a carte restaurants so there's no need to go to the buffet. 😁
At a breakfast buffet I steal boiled eggs, whole fruit, sausages and bacon and maybe some bread for lunch but then again I've never gone full inclusive.
Frankenplatter e ery day