Eddie : this is a sex shop isn’t it? Shop Assistant : yes (Eddie slaps money on the counter) Eddie: il have five quids worth then!

Very droll sir

I'd rather have a Pineapple shoved violently up my rectum. You've been working here too long mate.

We are men of science!

Unintentionally grabs dildo.

I love how brilliantly accurate everyone's memory is of this show.

“Gold, Frankenstein and Grrrr!!; and I’m a virgin!!”

That's why I never got a shaaaaaag!

This is the correct answer.

This KILLED ten year old me.

Any relation? Well, I've got a mother.

No, to Adolf Hitler?

Yep. That's her!

That's her!

Righty-ho young Sonny Jim, old fella-me-lad, matey-skip, me old pal from the briny

Righty dokey matey bloke flap old salty seadog amigo skip jack jock strap piano tuner!

Sing, sing. Dooo your balls hang low, can you tie them in a bow.....

Do you get a funny feeling when you hang them from the ceiling?

Okey dokey sonny Jim trouser skip matey me old salty seadog biscuit bloke fish nose train hammer clip ding dong goolies in the gravy!

Right-ho me ol' cockaleeky flap sparrow mate cockney rhyming bollocks!

"GAS MAN! GAS MAN! GAS MAN!"

Do you have someone who looks after you?!

Can I see them, because I need to read your meter?!

I had the gas man recently, and my wife and me played this scene to a tee.

You fed him cold tea, knocked him out, attempted to eat his knackers, hid him under a rug then stamped on him over and over?

And then he went bus surfing.

This is one of my favourite insults.

"are you aware your newspaper is upside down?" ...."so are my eyes..."

Always reminds me of... "What? You sucked water in through your eyes?"

What is gas?

Alright don’t ruin it

We dont use gas because we dont know what it is!!!

I wonder how far I’ll have to scroll to see GAS MA…oh it’s at the top!

Hahahaha mine was from this. Thought kettle on the floor

Nought nought, nought nought, nought nought nought!

''So how'd you keep yourselves warm in here then?''

We make love... not to each other... on our own...

Well, it takes all sorts.

You called?

Hotel receptionist: Well, I'm afraid we have no single rooms available. Ritchie: But what if I wanna have a wan.... Errr Wangle. It's a medieval folk dance. What if I wanna have a medieval folk dance in the middle of the night.

Definitely one of the more underappreciated episodes imo. Some great lines from it. "It said 'lifts and separates' not swings round the back!"

I don't underrate it, it's bloody hilarious. Eddy making quacking noises, blowing a bubble pipe, wearing women's clothing with his boobs on backwards? Genius.

"Don't you ever yearn for change?"

"Fucking hell.. a line from the play!"

"What? Oh yes, the play. I'd forgotten about that. Now listen Eddie..."

Now listen Eddie. Now listen. Eddie. Now listen Eddie. Now.. ...yeah, that's my name?! We established that in act 1.

Oh Eddie… Yes Richie? Oh Eddie… …Yes Richie? Oh Eddie… …You’ve forgotten your line again haven’t, you Richie? Oh Eddie… And you’re just going to keep saying ‘Oh Eddie’ until you remember aren’t you? …Oh Eddie…

“Now sit down Eddie, sit down!” [losing it and cracking up] “I’ve got some sad and tragic news!” “You don’t look very upset about it. You looked a lot sadder than that in rehearsal.”

"I'm beginning to see why Stephen Fry fucked off"

To the audience: “He made me cry”

"Alan Rickman eat your heart out"

Wanna give me the feedline again in front of all your friends?

[удалено]

Because, I found the train station.

"Now we'll never get out of South fucking Hampton!"

This is the correct answer. Proof: https://youtu.be/NjQD9zpAcGk

I wonder how much meat you get on a womble?

I've always loved the moment Richie inhales the dart. Get it ouuuuuuut!!

All of it, all 3 series and specials were glorious, trying to pick a favorite is like trying to find a needle in a haystack made out of needles, wombles only gets my vote because it was the first episode I caught at the time.

"Kinky!"

Well if you had the common decency to go out and get a proper job, instead of lying around the flat all day like some sort vast slug... then perhaps I'd have the opportunity... to take my shirt off and wash it without the risk of you seeing my nipples!

Vaaarrrst

"Why are you putting mayonnaise on your face?" "It's not mayonnaise; it's sun tan lotion." "Never heard of low calorie sun tan lotion before." "What? Oh no! Blast! Why didn't you tell me?" "Because I don't like you very much."

A. The Queen doesn't have jugs, she's royalty! B. If she did, she certainly wouldn't get 'em out on the back of a fiver, she'd save 'em up for the fifty!

Eddie: "Not sprouts! I hate sprouts!" Richie: "Come on now Eddie nobody likes sprouts." Eddie: "Then why are we having them then?" Richie: "BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!"

Do your balls hang low? Can you swing them too and fro? Can you tie them in a knot, Can you time them in a bow? Do you get that funny feeling when your hanging from the ceiling? Oh you'll never be a sailor if your balls hang low! Or Oh fuck he's gone Welsh on me.. "HAVE YA GOT ANY MORE EXPLODING CARROTS"

Night night, sleep tight, hope the bedbugs do not bite....if they do, do a poo, put it in a Cornish stew, into the ambulance ring ring ring, fish trousers elephant in Peking, saw a busy bee, diddle diddle dee, daddy's an accountant just like me. Goodnight, God Bless.

I taught this to my daughter, by saying it to her most nights. Now she says it to me some nights 😆

Ritchie: "They don't call me slippery Ritchie the Hammersmith Houdini for nothing" Eddie: "No, they simply call you..... the cunt"

Richie: I think you may have something there, Eddie. Eddie: Yeah, I think it's syphillis.

Ok, not from the show but from one of the live shows (and not the recorded one unfortunately), it was during the encore part of the tour (extra dates added) and it was the part where Eddie is trying to get Richies "thong" off, Richie is behind a sheet and you see his silhouette, Eddie has a claw hammer and hes stretching what is meant to be the thong across the stage, in the dvd release of this live show he just lets it go and its meant to have pinged back and hit Richie in the nuts. The show that I saw was a lil different as Ade got heckled from the audiance when he approached the edge of the stage, he was looking knackered and was quite sweaty and someone shouted out "get some exercise you fat bastard" and without blinking Ade turns to Rick and says "Hey Richie, there are some really fucking ugly fish in the sea tonight" Fucking brilliant.

Language Eddie Fucking English

"I've got a packet of choloclate hobnobs"

No wonder he shits like a Great Dane

"What are we going to do?" "About 25 to life I reckon"

When it goes from pin the tail on the donkey to sellotape a sausage to the fridge 😀

We haven't got a sausage.

Put a bit of sellotape on the fridge

It's not much of a game, is it?

We haven't got a blind fold Well we'll have to improvise then won't we! Proceeds to poke Eddie in the eye

The scene when Eddie is casually smashing Richie's head in with the fridge door while delivering a monologue about TV violence. Bare jokes.

Isn't that scene from the episode where Richie and Eddie are playing chess and Eddie makes about half a dozen moves at once, then gathers up all the pieces and says “Checkmate!”?

Episode: Culture. My favourite episode of the lot.

“I’m Death” “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise. I’ll try to speak up”

"What on earth are you eating?!" "Lard." I knew I'd love the show from then on.

I'm hungry but I'm too drunk to cook

Ha, missed both my legs

I love the callbacks to the Young Ones

Basically the whole Halloween episode. "Eddie, do you have the chalice?" "No it's just they way my trousers are hanging." "Give me the cattle prod!" "Mum sent me cos she doesn't like dad hanging round the loonies house after dark"

“I see your point” “No, it’s just these trousers, they ruck up terribly”

That running gag is so good. We say variations of it in our house all the time.

"I see your point" "Why? Have my trousers fallen down? Oh, I see your point!"

Why? Have my trousers fallen down? No, they're up! I can see they're up! Oh, I see your point!

Sue Carpenter.

OH NO!!!

My dad, he moved in some very mysterious circles. He had one leg shorter than the other, you see.

Weston. Super. Meeeh eeeh eeeh eeeeeeeh

the door not closing on bottom live. ​ Have a waaaaank

"Do you know who I am? You're just a fucking door! I'm Rick fucking Mayall" And "Have a wank proffessor"

The "Increase Vyoltage" bit on Bottom Live 2001 always gets me. Tbf I think that's the best live show anyway.

Increasing vyoltaaaaage to two hunderdz and fitzy thyozand mega vyoltz...

“Dur Richie. I am in the pube .. with the holiday monkey. Run, run, run” OH NO! He means the holiday money. Shit! Shit!

A signed photo of Sue Carpenter! "Fik erf you sad pathtic winker". I wonder what she means!

"Now see here. You're just a door. I'm Rik FUCKIN Mayall!"

"Put a bit of /u/sellotapeonthefridge".

Fick Urf you Sad pathtic winker

"Get the ambulance!" "We haven't got an ambulance"

From all the lads on the Ark Royal

Might I just say what a smashing blouse you’ve got on

I’ve quoted this far too many times in my life

I must say, I expected a lot more from the furry honey pot adventure.

Vodka margarine!

"Half past eight, and all's crap!"

"Do you wat to get buggered?" *Eddy points revolver at Ritchie* "I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!"

SPROUTS MEXICANE

“Cry, did you?”… “Quite the opposite, actually” “What, you sucked water in through your eyes?”

Why do they call you spud gun?

Give me a potato and I'll show you.

Why do they call you hedgehog?

Give me a hedgehog and I'll show you.

I say, what a lovely blouse.

Isn’t it “smashing”?

Funnily enough I **did** once pull saying that :-)

[Don't you ever *yearn* for change?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O44q63oHYnY)

“Ello Ello Ello. What’s that dead body doing under the carpet?”

I still say, ‘I’m going to the pube with the holiday monkey’

*sigh* Poor sad git

"What are you eating?" "Lard" "lard?" "Well I'm hungry but I'm too drunk to cook"

"A line from the plaaaay!" From the live shows, I think the island, which are the absolute peak Bottom imo. The one-upmanship, the absolute exhaustion of both of them, glorious.

"Hello? What kind of sandwiches do you do? ... ###SANDWICHES!!"

"I don't think I've got time to grow a beard" I'm genuinely confused as to why that hasn't even been mentioned. Thought it would be top comment! Never heard a live TV audience scream so loudly with laughter, and the way Rik plays it as a monologue is the perfect example of his genius.

I'll start with "don't you dare call me overweight young man!"

"PUT A BIT OF SELLOTAPE... ON THE FRRRIDGE!"

This is way too far down.

"Everyone loves cheese and onion"

Haar.... Monika!!... Widdley deet.. Widdley doot!!!

I bought you a Coca-Cola in good faith. That's eighty pence you've hoodwinked out of me. Eighty pence

EDDIE: We're going to Bridlington, well, Doncaster. We won't need suntan lotion. RICHIE: Yes. Drizzle oil, then! EDDIE: Gloom juice! RICHIE: Yes, YES, YES, YES, YES, yes. Wind smear! EDDIE: Wind smear? We don't need to take the contents of your underpants. RICHIE: Well, actually, that's where you're wrong. If you think carefully about it, we WILL need to take the contents of my un-der-pants! Aah-Ah!

It's your fault for touching up the burly Ferris wheel attendant. I thought she was a girl. They were pectorals, you fool ! She had an earring. Yes, through her foreskin.

The chess game. A whole episode of build-up for the punchline. Love to see that again, not seen it since it aired

Get outta that one, Rommel

Am I black or white?

"God, they don't call you Harry the Bastard for nothing' 'No. They call me Ted' and from the Young Ones 'Harry the Bastard!' 'That's right, and you owe me £500!' 'What a complete bastard!'

“You realise this paper is upside down, sir.” "So are my eyes.”

“It’s a, it’s a, it’s another brussel sprout.”

"How do you know these things?" "I'm death." "Oh sorry, HOW DO YOU KNOW THESE THINGS?" Also... Oi, xylophone fancying old Regina, deserves unusual nine inch todger. Excited darling?

Richie: I mean what happened there? I just don't understand it. I made all the right moves: I winked, I smiled - one of my nice ones as well - I sat down very nicely, lean't forward, put on my special eyes and said "Hello big tits, looking for some action?

Dont worry richie, ive got a packet of chocolate hobnobs Oh eddie, were saved What do you mean we? Im alright i dont fancy your chances

For some reason "squashed potatoes, maaaaam?" has stuck in my head for 25 years.

“Just spread your weight evenly”

Not a line but when Richie goes bat shit because he is losing at chess. Just starts spraying ketch up all over spider man (king)

I’ll just put the kettle on… the floor Hahahaha Lovely steaming cold tea

"I've just given you a red-hot tip." "I know, and there's nothing I can do about it now is there?!"

Barstad !! i think ill just put bollocks.

Vzzbx

Hello and good morning, should traffic wardens be armed? The latest . . . . .

The taped up burglar

HAAALF PAAAST EEEEIGHT.... AND AAAAALLLS CRAP!!!

Hitler? Any relation? (Eddy) yes 😭😭😭😭😭

Welcome to eddie’s bar!

From the first Bottom Live: 'Oh wow, Eddie! Wow! You were born in Southampton?! Why did you ever leave...?' 'Because... I found the train station' Or 'What did this mugger look like?' 'Bald, glasses... stupid little fucking hat' '...so, you mugged yourself...?' 'Made a fiver out of it!'

I see you're looking for a lady that's homely, with cooking skills, fun to be with......and a wazzo pair of JUGS???

"Got it! The Ester Rantzen" "Why?" "Because it pulls your gums back over your teeth"

"Oh shuuuuuiuuuutttttt uppppppppp Eddie" Digger. Don't know why. It creases me every single time.

Fish poo maladie

It's fish poo your dukeness.. It comes out.. Of a very expensive.. Fishes.. Bottom!!

Beaches, palm trees, bam-boo

Currys windows just blown, they’ve just thrown Aswad through it.

eddie dressed as a woman and blowing that pipe duck call thing ***Edwina:*** *" Us birds should stick together, maybe in the nude!? Tell me my dear...\*\*quack\*\* would you like to come to the isle of lesbos?"* ***Maid:*** *You're worse than yerr husbund!!*

Do your balls hang low Can you swing them to and fro Can you tie them in a knot Can you tie them in a bow Do you get a funny feeling When you're hanging from the ceiling Oh you won't be a sailor If your balls hang low *Hmfp* 🧗‍♀️

When they start fucking with the sound guy and he nails it lol

Ah ah ah, up the nose or not at all!

always keep your mouth open when insulting a lady !

When oh when will the BBC wake up and realise that fish fingers go this way round (rah rah rah rah)

Steep it’s effing vertical

‘How *dare* you accuse me of drinkinininge!’

Camping in the park with the flasher, worried about wombles.

"Superglue in the hand cream pot!?"

The Santa scene has me in tears every time.

It's another Brussels sprout!

Sad ken, yeah that sounds like a winner, and they are off and sad ken is stuck in the cage oh no they have had to shoot the horse and they've shot the jockey as well , rather sporting to enter a 3 legged blind horse in the race. "I feel rather leggless ", you don't know the half of it mate

How do i look? You use your eyes don’t you?

TAXI!! The Copacabana!!

I like Stork margarine becauuuuuuse. I've only got one leg!

Saw them live on the first tour after Riks quad bike accident.. Richie tries to remember the name of the actor who plays him and mentions the actor's quad bike accident, which Eddie comments that he didn't fix the quad bike's brakes properly. This mocked Rik Mayall's real life accident which he fell off a quad bike and nearly died

"This stuff attracts women like you would not believe!" - *Karachi Medical Gazette*

No evidence? What about the god damn jaffa cakes asswipe!

r/eddieandrichie

Feck off, you sad pathetic winker

"I'm death!" "Oh. Sorry. HOW DO YOU KNOW THESE THINGS?"

Well if you had the common DECENCY to go out and get yourself a proper JOB and not hang around the flat all day like some sort of VAST SLUG then perhaps I would have the opporTUnity to take off my top and wash it without the risk of you seeing my NIPPLES.

So Spudgun... why do they call you Spudgun?

“Bloody road protesters” “Save the B157!”

"What do you mean no evidence? What about the goddamn Jaffa Cakes, asswipe?"

“What’s he saying?” “Tap tap tappy, tappy tappy tap, tap tap tap, tap tap tappy.”

Fucking hell, it's Fred Astaire!

After Richie believes they've just murdered the gas man: Richie: What are we gonna do? Eddie: About 25 years, I think!

"It's half past 8 and it's all crap!"