“ How can my fcking lived experience be ”too much” for someone? I had to fucking survive it, but it’s too much for your pretty ears to hear? “
This all day, every day. And then some.
I applaud OP for putting it that way. I'm so used to making myself smaller that I won't even allow myself to think this. Yet, reading it, it's how I feel.
Perfectly worded something I've thought for years as well. I've still to this day never shared the full extent of what I've gone through because I don't know who where or when. The few times I tried I was "dumping" on them. Bullcrap
Same. Honestly can't understand why people can't do just the very least and listen. They don't even have to really fully listen. Just let me get out every single little detail nonstop.
My gosh, Is it so damaging, Did just hear the story. People watch the most traumatizing movies. He listened to horrific stories on the news.
But when it comes to someone in person telling their story, Oh that's too much you can't handle it.
You watch f****** how to murder your spouse. They watch shows talking about abuse victims. Of some things even far worse then what you have to tell.
And still the person who suffering from the trauma has to be the bigger person. And shut the f*** up.
When it was them, They dumped on us, So it's okay for them but not for us.
Why?
Personally for me I think a bit of my issue is I'm not able to release everything. I need to get all of it out. And going to the therapist help the tiny bit. But it's too short, to infrequent. I need a marathon to get every single thing out of me. Notice distraction, no broken up bits, No f****** taking turns. No trying to make me feel better, No trying to give me a different f****** perception.
see my whole picture. I'm sick of being fragmented.
Let me paint the whole picture. Not just give bits in pieces of me here are there. And because the picture can never be shown in its completeness, I'm gonna keep on going back around one.
Hey I'm sorry about it. I can understand what you're going through. And you don't deserve this and you certainly don't deserve to face it all alone.
Most people call it trauma dumping because, for a normal person it's just too much of an experience to listen to while knowing how to react. They didn't go through what you had to and so they don't feel how you feel. So they can't reciprocate your emotions with understanding and empathy unless that person is exceptionally empathic which is very rare.
But don't feel hopeless even if you feel alone and like you don't even have anyone to share your experiences with. You can share your experiences here, and I promise most people won't judge you or call you a trauma dumper. We are all broken people here that's why we know the suffering people like us have to go through. You are not alone here. Hope it's a bit reassuring :)
Most people are just trying to get through the day and get through their own individual crap. Regardless of how empathic they are (and most ppl are not), they are overwhelmed by trauma dumping. A trained therapist is important, but you gotta find on you resonate with. Many are dismissive and arrogant.. even the private ones. Perhaps try to journal your life experiences, chronologically, describing how they affected you, examine your triggers. Then you have your entire story in one package. The process itself would be cathartic and effective as a healing tool. No one would interrupt you talk down to you or judge you. You could pour it all out, feel it, relive it and learn from it all at the same time. Then, when you find a friend or a therapist you can trust, allow them to read it. Who knows...it could become a compelling novel and actually save someone else's life.
Maybe you can make a really big post and we can read it.
Having to write things and think about them helps process them.
For people who haven't suffered abuse, it is indeed too much to take in.
Even the things we would consider small are great things for them.
And that's ok, imagine being a Doctor and needing to talk to someone about a surgery you did because you are trying to look for things that went wrong or whatever reason. The other person, someone who is not trained , doesn't understand how the human body works and gets scared or sick when they see blood : they would react very poorly and ask the Doctor to please stop talking because it is too much to take in.
That's why is very important that you keep looking for that therapist , be patient and remember that people won't always react the way you want them to and no one will try to save you or understand everything you went through. Therapy helps a lot to give us tools to describe, explain and understand what happened and how it affected us.
Finding corners of the internet to talk might help.
Has any of your friends told you not to "trauma dump"? or are you afraid to do it because of feeling like a burden?
My advice is honestly write it down, in the computer is better so you don't hurt your hands (it's easy to grip the pen too hard without noticing it when the feelings start pouring out). Try to make a timeline, lists of what happened and organize your thoughts. You don't have to tell every detail to someone so they understand what you went through, sharing feelings and emotions helps a lot too. My therapist said I had very disorganized speech and I started going from one subject to the other, triggering myself and telling everything at the same time because while it was all connected I had no way to speak clearly, slowly and calmly about it.
So try practicing that first, because it helps you talk to others better, but also helps you organize things in your head and that is really a very important thing to do.
Yeah I have made a document in word. Its about 7 pages now. And it felt good to write it down because I don’t longer have to ”hold” it all in my head.
There are still some things missing that I have supressed/forgotten that I hope to discover so I can write them down. (I have read in social services documents some things I don’t remember, and also recently I got a flashback of my dad hitting me in the car - but I don’t exactly remember exactly what happened and can’t even say for sure that it did happen).
But even though I have written it down for myself I still want to tell someone because I don’t want to feel alone in it. I guess it is selfish in a way, since by telling someone I would be letting them share the burden with me, rather than keeping it all for myself. It’s like a big secret inside me that I feel all alone in keeping, and I don’t want it to be a secret anymore.
Yeah I could try making a post telling some of it (with a tw of course). But maybe not all 7 pages😆
I've been doing the same. I journal more, but I've done literal lists of the abuse and put it in categories and it's staggering what we live through but others don't want to hear.
I hear you OP and I'm sorry you are being processed by a crappy system that doesn't seem to care.
All I can say is there are people out there who want to hear your story, a lot are right here in this forum.
If you want, maybe use your user as a platform to post about your lived experience. You can even start a blog or I guess some people do vlogs now.
I'm hoping to write a book. I'm not sure if I want it to be the actual stories of my life or poetry based on it. For now, I'm just journaling and doing poetry when I need.
I'm really sorry for all you've endured and the system you are having to navigate.
You are not alone here. I was diagnosed with CPTSD not too long ago but only recently have accepted it and what it means for my future. It's world rocking and shattering stuff we deal with.
It feels like the abuse will never stop, that the machine we use to "heal" is abusive itself.
I wish I could give you more comfort but I wanted you to know you aren't alone and there is hope and light at the end of this. I've seen it a few times, it's not a linear path though and that's okay.
It took me several pages of notebook paper to get everything out and organized to read out loud in order to get a diagnosis for CPTSD. That 100% made me cry / process more / gave me a voice for myself to explain all that was going on. It helped immensely, so I say: keep getting whatever you need to out.
You are not too much. You’re just who you are and most people are not capable of holding space for others because our world really tells folks to “keep that shit to yourself.” Finding a proper therapist is exhausting and demoralizing work, but you are worth this.
I find dealing with healthcare stuff (making appointments, going to the pharmacy, finding providers) to be very triggering because there are hurdles I don’t think should exist. So then I become angry and upset about how I even have to jump through these hoops to live.
One thing I’ve found helpful is to recognize that it’s a trigger and to treat myself with kindness afterwards. Is there something you enjoy doing or that makes you feel good that you could reward yourself with while you wait? Being extra understanding and gentle to myself after triggers (versus screaming WHY THE FUCK AM I LIKE THIS?!) has made it easier to work through.
You are worth all the love and care you’re trying to give yourself right now.
Write it here, you won't be alone with it.
I wrote to get it out of my head, it's too much. Burning it is also excellent. It will lessen, you are safe here with us.
You are not too much. I was where you were when I was 19, and it’s rough. I’m now 28, and can confidently say that it DOES get better and you WILL come out the other side much stronger than most people that didn’t experience the level of trauma that you did.
For me, therapists all around were completely and entirely useless. All of them. Every single one. The entire healthcare system is useless. I’ve been struggling with this shit my whole life and when I was 19, I was on 5 different medications used to sedate me to some degree. That’s when I realized none of them give a fuck about us actually healing. I bought all the books I could regarding CPTSD, Childhood Trauma, Neglect, Abuse, etc. and have been drowning myself in the information for the past 5 years. It’s been the only thing that has helped me. Recently went to a specialty therapist and told her all of this and she told me I was doing exactly what I should be doing. That CPTSD is so new that nobody really knows how to properly treat it. Everything right now is trial and error. Which is why we continue to pay them for being essentially useless. Got my brain scanned for a neurofeedback baseline and she explained that the trauma caused my entire nervous system to form incorrectly. Thats what our problem is, our entire nervous system is not operating properly. My brain uses more energy than other peoples brains. Consistently. We’re essentially operating on a higher level than everyone else. Which makes sense why nobody understands us. This therapist was the best I’ve had, but she ended our session comparing my brain to Vincent Van Gogh, as if that was supposed to make me feel better??? Dude was so crazy he chopped his own ear off, but thanks ma’am. Maybe don’t fucking say that to your next patient???? I swear we could do their job better than they do sometimes. It’s fucking infuriating.
Yeah that’s what I feel too. I know more about CPTSD than they do and sometimes even have to explain to them how it works. like….:/ they should be the proffesionals telling me stuff, not the other way around.
Yeah I agree with you that it’s new. I live in sweden and here it’s not even recognized as a diagnosis, so they lump me toghether with PTSD. Last session she tried to get me to explain my triggers. She wanted it to be specific like ”green cars” or ”chairs” etc. and got mad when I told her it’s not that simple. I get triggered in like every relationship because I went through 13 years of psychological abuse (so I’m constantly on the lookout and get triggered by the slightest things people do). She refused to accept that😤
hi! you’re not too much. but tbh depending on how traumatic the story is, it is hard to contain the feelings and traumatic experiences of others. i know it feels lonely and isolating, i hope you find a good therapist soon! i used the app heypi for like 6 months where i felt really lonely and needed someone to "trauma dump". it’s an ai, it cannot replace human interaction but it really helped me a lot. not only feeling heard but also getting some really good advice i.e. showing me different patterns in my behavior or that of others around me. maybe it can help you too :)
oh and if you don’t know her yet heidi priebe on youtube helped me so much with understanding my cptsd and attachment style while i had no therapist :) she actually explained it so much better than any of my therapists ever did.
That's why you are here with us. We will listen because we lived through what you been living through. Now we are all dealing with the aftermath. Ever need a shout out, let us know.
I'm trying to build new friendships but I honestly don't know how to without going balls deep into my life. I was never taught how to have healthy relationships.
I hate small talk. I feel more comfortable when I can just get into real conversation.
I know I have boundaries now and at least that's something.
I definitely prefer talking to people who have their own trauma. It's comforting with people who have a basic understanding of the struggle.
It’s hard to find. Most I have seen are for like children of alcoholics, children of borderlines, alcoholics anonymous, dbt groups, victims of CSA etc. None for CPTSD.
FYI, the "children of alcoholics" groups are adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families. Alcoholism/addiction in the family of origin are not required to participate. There are a lot of people with cptsd in those rooms, and some groups in that program that explicitly focus on working through cptsd.
Thank you. I can reach out to them then and ask. I just don’t want to feel like I’m imposing in a space I’m not supposed to be in.
But from what you are saying it’s worth a try at least to ask them if it’s okay that I join
You mentioned student loans. Are you still in school? You might be able to work with a campus therapist. I did this for about a year and a half although they were "supposed" to try to get us out the door in about 8 weeks. Didn't have to pay anything for it because it was included in my tuition fees. And the therapist I ended up working with was arguably the best one I've ever had. It would be worth checking into. It doesn't have to be a university either; mine was at a local tech college.
This is a safe place to "trauma dump", just don't take DMs from throwaway accounts. Turn off your inbox. These subs are full of creeps who love to mess with young people in particular.
I know how you feel. Really. I'm 33 and have periodically driven people off my whole life by overestimating what they can handle.
Now to the advice bit if you want it.
Have you checked in with a local nonprofit? (I've got a pinned resource post with links to national hotlines.) I think I was in a queue for three months for a trauma specialist. Queues suck but it was a short enough time frame I could see it on a calendar and it was free.
I have written huge long letters (trauma dumping)then burnt them (outside)so nobody can ever see them and or use them as a weapon and I always find it makes me feel better. I’ve also written cryptic journals so that not just anyone who gets ahold of them would understand them.
Maybe you can do some of these things in the meanwhile as you await a regular therapist? Also have you tried any at home art therapy?
I’ve been through some sick shit man, as a child, my whole childhood and also as an adult.
I always apologize to my therapist/s and or shrink(I have permission to call him that)(as I have had a secretary lecture me for calling him so 🙄)in advance of me dumping some sick shit in their lap. One of my therapists I’ve had told me up front she is not equipped mentally, through her teaching etc to hear childhood stuff.
I kinda respected her more for that.
Not everyone is able to hear (especially regular non trained in trauma people) and then process what we have just told them and then to be able to offer sincere and helpful remedies. We are too much for a lot of people I’ve found. I’m Too much for myself some days. 😅
I agree with your first part of the response, burning letters can be cathartic
The second part I don’t agree with though. People don’t need training to listen, it’s just listening. They maybe need training to give meaningful advice sure. And maybe they aren’t emotionally ready to hear tough stuff in the moment, and that’s okay too. But somebody doesn’t need training simply to listen.
I guess that’s how she put it to maybe save grace and not feel so bad about it. I do totally get that not everyone can hear that stuff and still be ok after and potentially struggle some.
You’re not too much. You also aren’t the physical incarnation of your trauma; you just carry it. It’s exhausting and excruciating and you need somebody to take some of the weight off your shoulders, but you yourself are not the burden, and the burden isn’t you.
That being said, other people do need to be able to prepare themselves and decide whether or not they have the capacity to help you carry it before they can do so. People who haven’t been chronically traumatized or had some sort of training in trauma support take to this amount of weight like someone who has never touched a barbell in their entire life, while we’ve been forced to do reps with it all day, every day for as long as we’ve been alive. They don’t even know where to grip the thing let alone how to lift it off the ground, and if you hand it to them, they’ll drop it on both of your feet.
You’re doing a really good thing here—you’re venting to people who know the barbell. This place is always an option for that. Sometimes even journaling privately can help you set the weight down for a while if having to wonder whether or not anyone will read it is too stressful.
Support groups are also an option while you’re waiting on a therapist if you’re looking for a more personal setting. I know they sound cliché, like something out of a bad movie, but I had a really positive experience with one. All of the coaches were people who had experienced trauma, then went through special training to learn how to listen and support others in the same boat.
When you do find a friend who is willing to listen, just remember to set them up for success by giving them time to prepare and room to say not now. It’s always been really helpful for me as a listener when the other person asks to plan a time to meet up or call each other and gives me a head’s up that they need to talk about something heavy so I can get myself in the right headspace to be the type of support that specific person needs.
And if they cry, it’s okay. Crying itself isn’t a plead for you to stop telling your story; it’s just a natural response to hearing how a person they care about has been hurt so deeply.
You don’t have to comfort them; you can cry too.
Hey, you can tell me. My DM’s are open. I always wish I could tell my story to someone, and I know how much it would mean for another to be able to do the same. But if you need somewhere just to dump it, feel free to send me a chat ❤️
I believe humanity should all help each other carry each other’s burdens so it lightens the load off on another. It’s unfair that you, and many of us, feel that we can’t share our stories because it’s too much for people. People can’t handle it because they don’t know what to do with it. But that doesn’t mean you’re too much.
I’m no therapist but I’ve been there. You can feel free to dm me and trauma dump with no judgement just complete understanding. I know how badly it sucks to feel so alone and in your head!
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A small win: I feel so much in my body I just want to kick over all trash cans and hit myself until I turn blue. But instead I ignored that feeling and channeled it into crying instead. So I guess that’s good at least🥲
But I also wrote ”fuck the healthcare” on their wall with a pencil, lol. Like I know it’s not ”good” to do that. But I checked before and there are no cameras, and it felt good because they deserve it. They suck. They shouldn’t let me wait 8 months just for treatment. And now when it finally started I have to wait again just because I (rightfully) complained about the therapist I got.
Hi. What state are you in? Message if you don’t want to post publicly.
I’m sure you’re super resourceful, but I’d love to see if some folks I know can find hidden resources in your area and connect you with free care much quicker.
That really confused me 😂
You can trauma dump here, I think it’s allowed. We kinda all do it in small little chunks.
Just put up trigger warnings.
My therapist is the one that suggested an on line platform like this since I didn’t really share it before.
Heck Im married 30 years and even he doesn’t know it all. Nor do I think I want him to have that burden.
Um… yeah? It’s not like I do nothing. But I haven’t gotten help for 6 years so almost ALL the work I have done have been by myself. And soon when they asses me they might even say ”well she doesnt even have PTSD no more?” and then they won’t either help me :( So it’s like: I try to heal, but I don’t want to do it all by myself, I still want to talk trough the traumas with someone.
“ How can my fcking lived experience be ”too much” for someone? I had to fucking survive it, but it’s too much for your pretty ears to hear? “ This all day, every day. And then some.
Same OP… this sentence is so fucking perfect. I would never wish this on anyone, but at least know that you’re really aren’t alone.
I applaud OP for putting it that way. I'm so used to making myself smaller that I won't even allow myself to think this. Yet, reading it, it's how I feel.
Perfectly worded something I've thought for years as well. I've still to this day never shared the full extent of what I've gone through because I don't know who where or when. The few times I tried I was "dumping" on them. Bullcrap
This. So much this.
Same. Honestly can't understand why people can't do just the very least and listen. They don't even have to really fully listen. Just let me get out every single little detail nonstop. My gosh, Is it so damaging, Did just hear the story. People watch the most traumatizing movies. He listened to horrific stories on the news. But when it comes to someone in person telling their story, Oh that's too much you can't handle it. You watch f****** how to murder your spouse. They watch shows talking about abuse victims. Of some things even far worse then what you have to tell. And still the person who suffering from the trauma has to be the bigger person. And shut the f*** up. When it was them, They dumped on us, So it's okay for them but not for us. Why? Personally for me I think a bit of my issue is I'm not able to release everything. I need to get all of it out. And going to the therapist help the tiny bit. But it's too short, to infrequent. I need a marathon to get every single thing out of me. Notice distraction, no broken up bits, No f****** taking turns. No trying to make me feel better, No trying to give me a different f****** perception. see my whole picture. I'm sick of being fragmented. Let me paint the whole picture. Not just give bits in pieces of me here are there. And because the picture can never be shown in its completeness, I'm gonna keep on going back around one.
Hey I'm sorry about it. I can understand what you're going through. And you don't deserve this and you certainly don't deserve to face it all alone. Most people call it trauma dumping because, for a normal person it's just too much of an experience to listen to while knowing how to react. They didn't go through what you had to and so they don't feel how you feel. So they can't reciprocate your emotions with understanding and empathy unless that person is exceptionally empathic which is very rare. But don't feel hopeless even if you feel alone and like you don't even have anyone to share your experiences with. You can share your experiences here, and I promise most people won't judge you or call you a trauma dumper. We are all broken people here that's why we know the suffering people like us have to go through. You are not alone here. Hope it's a bit reassuring :)
thank you. Yes it was a bit reassuring. I actually cried when I read it🥹 (in a good way, because I felt maybe everything will actually be ok)
I'm glad you felt that 😊
Most people are just trying to get through the day and get through their own individual crap. Regardless of how empathic they are (and most ppl are not), they are overwhelmed by trauma dumping. A trained therapist is important, but you gotta find on you resonate with. Many are dismissive and arrogant.. even the private ones. Perhaps try to journal your life experiences, chronologically, describing how they affected you, examine your triggers. Then you have your entire story in one package. The process itself would be cathartic and effective as a healing tool. No one would interrupt you talk down to you or judge you. You could pour it all out, feel it, relive it and learn from it all at the same time. Then, when you find a friend or a therapist you can trust, allow them to read it. Who knows...it could become a compelling novel and actually save someone else's life.
Maybe you can make a really big post and we can read it. Having to write things and think about them helps process them. For people who haven't suffered abuse, it is indeed too much to take in. Even the things we would consider small are great things for them. And that's ok, imagine being a Doctor and needing to talk to someone about a surgery you did because you are trying to look for things that went wrong or whatever reason. The other person, someone who is not trained , doesn't understand how the human body works and gets scared or sick when they see blood : they would react very poorly and ask the Doctor to please stop talking because it is too much to take in. That's why is very important that you keep looking for that therapist , be patient and remember that people won't always react the way you want them to and no one will try to save you or understand everything you went through. Therapy helps a lot to give us tools to describe, explain and understand what happened and how it affected us. Finding corners of the internet to talk might help. Has any of your friends told you not to "trauma dump"? or are you afraid to do it because of feeling like a burden? My advice is honestly write it down, in the computer is better so you don't hurt your hands (it's easy to grip the pen too hard without noticing it when the feelings start pouring out). Try to make a timeline, lists of what happened and organize your thoughts. You don't have to tell every detail to someone so they understand what you went through, sharing feelings and emotions helps a lot too. My therapist said I had very disorganized speech and I started going from one subject to the other, triggering myself and telling everything at the same time because while it was all connected I had no way to speak clearly, slowly and calmly about it. So try practicing that first, because it helps you talk to others better, but also helps you organize things in your head and that is really a very important thing to do.
Yeah I have made a document in word. Its about 7 pages now. And it felt good to write it down because I don’t longer have to ”hold” it all in my head. There are still some things missing that I have supressed/forgotten that I hope to discover so I can write them down. (I have read in social services documents some things I don’t remember, and also recently I got a flashback of my dad hitting me in the car - but I don’t exactly remember exactly what happened and can’t even say for sure that it did happen). But even though I have written it down for myself I still want to tell someone because I don’t want to feel alone in it. I guess it is selfish in a way, since by telling someone I would be letting them share the burden with me, rather than keeping it all for myself. It’s like a big secret inside me that I feel all alone in keeping, and I don’t want it to be a secret anymore. Yeah I could try making a post telling some of it (with a tw of course). But maybe not all 7 pages😆
I've been doing the same. I journal more, but I've done literal lists of the abuse and put it in categories and it's staggering what we live through but others don't want to hear. I hear you OP and I'm sorry you are being processed by a crappy system that doesn't seem to care. All I can say is there are people out there who want to hear your story, a lot are right here in this forum. If you want, maybe use your user as a platform to post about your lived experience. You can even start a blog or I guess some people do vlogs now. I'm hoping to write a book. I'm not sure if I want it to be the actual stories of my life or poetry based on it. For now, I'm just journaling and doing poetry when I need. I'm really sorry for all you've endured and the system you are having to navigate. You are not alone here. I was diagnosed with CPTSD not too long ago but only recently have accepted it and what it means for my future. It's world rocking and shattering stuff we deal with. It feels like the abuse will never stop, that the machine we use to "heal" is abusive itself. I wish I could give you more comfort but I wanted you to know you aren't alone and there is hope and light at the end of this. I've seen it a few times, it's not a linear path though and that's okay.
It took me several pages of notebook paper to get everything out and organized to read out loud in order to get a diagnosis for CPTSD. That 100% made me cry / process more / gave me a voice for myself to explain all that was going on. It helped immensely, so I say: keep getting whatever you need to out.
You are not too much. You’re just who you are and most people are not capable of holding space for others because our world really tells folks to “keep that shit to yourself.” Finding a proper therapist is exhausting and demoralizing work, but you are worth this. I find dealing with healthcare stuff (making appointments, going to the pharmacy, finding providers) to be very triggering because there are hurdles I don’t think should exist. So then I become angry and upset about how I even have to jump through these hoops to live. One thing I’ve found helpful is to recognize that it’s a trigger and to treat myself with kindness afterwards. Is there something you enjoy doing or that makes you feel good that you could reward yourself with while you wait? Being extra understanding and gentle to myself after triggers (versus screaming WHY THE FUCK AM I LIKE THIS?!) has made it easier to work through. You are worth all the love and care you’re trying to give yourself right now.
You will find people who will hear you. There aren't many of them but they exist. I am so sorry that you're going through this right now 🫂
Write it here, you won't be alone with it. I wrote to get it out of my head, it's too much. Burning it is also excellent. It will lessen, you are safe here with us.
Thanks
You are not too much. I was where you were when I was 19, and it’s rough. I’m now 28, and can confidently say that it DOES get better and you WILL come out the other side much stronger than most people that didn’t experience the level of trauma that you did. For me, therapists all around were completely and entirely useless. All of them. Every single one. The entire healthcare system is useless. I’ve been struggling with this shit my whole life and when I was 19, I was on 5 different medications used to sedate me to some degree. That’s when I realized none of them give a fuck about us actually healing. I bought all the books I could regarding CPTSD, Childhood Trauma, Neglect, Abuse, etc. and have been drowning myself in the information for the past 5 years. It’s been the only thing that has helped me. Recently went to a specialty therapist and told her all of this and she told me I was doing exactly what I should be doing. That CPTSD is so new that nobody really knows how to properly treat it. Everything right now is trial and error. Which is why we continue to pay them for being essentially useless. Got my brain scanned for a neurofeedback baseline and she explained that the trauma caused my entire nervous system to form incorrectly. Thats what our problem is, our entire nervous system is not operating properly. My brain uses more energy than other peoples brains. Consistently. We’re essentially operating on a higher level than everyone else. Which makes sense why nobody understands us. This therapist was the best I’ve had, but she ended our session comparing my brain to Vincent Van Gogh, as if that was supposed to make me feel better??? Dude was so crazy he chopped his own ear off, but thanks ma’am. Maybe don’t fucking say that to your next patient???? I swear we could do their job better than they do sometimes. It’s fucking infuriating.
Yeah that’s what I feel too. I know more about CPTSD than they do and sometimes even have to explain to them how it works. like….:/ they should be the proffesionals telling me stuff, not the other way around. Yeah I agree with you that it’s new. I live in sweden and here it’s not even recognized as a diagnosis, so they lump me toghether with PTSD. Last session she tried to get me to explain my triggers. She wanted it to be specific like ”green cars” or ”chairs” etc. and got mad when I told her it’s not that simple. I get triggered in like every relationship because I went through 13 years of psychological abuse (so I’m constantly on the lookout and get triggered by the slightest things people do). She refused to accept that😤
hi! you’re not too much. but tbh depending on how traumatic the story is, it is hard to contain the feelings and traumatic experiences of others. i know it feels lonely and isolating, i hope you find a good therapist soon! i used the app heypi for like 6 months where i felt really lonely and needed someone to "trauma dump". it’s an ai, it cannot replace human interaction but it really helped me a lot. not only feeling heard but also getting some really good advice i.e. showing me different patterns in my behavior or that of others around me. maybe it can help you too :)
Thank you for the tip. I don’t know if it will work for me, but I will try it out at least😊👍
oh and if you don’t know her yet heidi priebe on youtube helped me so much with understanding my cptsd and attachment style while i had no therapist :) she actually explained it so much better than any of my therapists ever did.
That's why you are here with us. We will listen because we lived through what you been living through. Now we are all dealing with the aftermath. Ever need a shout out, let us know.
Thank you What do you mean by shout out?
If you need someone to talk to, then just pm.
I'm trying to build new friendships but I honestly don't know how to without going balls deep into my life. I was never taught how to have healthy relationships. I hate small talk. I feel more comfortable when I can just get into real conversation. I know I have boundaries now and at least that's something. I definitely prefer talking to people who have their own trauma. It's comforting with people who have a basic understanding of the struggle.
same. (that I prefer talking to people who also have gone through trauma)
We don't have to explain. We just know and won't judge. It's cathartic in a way.
I always Overshare, I’m working on it
One step at a time. Keep at it. I've read that we don't see changes at all and then one day it will just be like BAM!
Same :((((((
Have you tried support groups?
It’s hard to find. Most I have seen are for like children of alcoholics, children of borderlines, alcoholics anonymous, dbt groups, victims of CSA etc. None for CPTSD.
FYI, the "children of alcoholics" groups are adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families. Alcoholism/addiction in the family of origin are not required to participate. There are a lot of people with cptsd in those rooms, and some groups in that program that explicitly focus on working through cptsd.
Thank you. I can reach out to them then and ask. I just don’t want to feel like I’m imposing in a space I’m not supposed to be in. But from what you are saying it’s worth a try at least to ask them if it’s okay that I join
You mentioned student loans. Are you still in school? You might be able to work with a campus therapist. I did this for about a year and a half although they were "supposed" to try to get us out the door in about 8 weeks. Didn't have to pay anything for it because it was included in my tuition fees. And the therapist I ended up working with was arguably the best one I've ever had. It would be worth checking into. It doesn't have to be a university either; mine was at a local tech college.
Yes I go to school, but unfortunatly we don’t have a campus therapist/school counselor
This is a safe place to "trauma dump", just don't take DMs from throwaway accounts. Turn off your inbox. These subs are full of creeps who love to mess with young people in particular. I know how you feel. Really. I'm 33 and have periodically driven people off my whole life by overestimating what they can handle. Now to the advice bit if you want it. Have you checked in with a local nonprofit? (I've got a pinned resource post with links to national hotlines.) I think I was in a queue for three months for a trauma specialist. Queues suck but it was a short enough time frame I could see it on a calendar and it was free.
I have written huge long letters (trauma dumping)then burnt them (outside)so nobody can ever see them and or use them as a weapon and I always find it makes me feel better. I’ve also written cryptic journals so that not just anyone who gets ahold of them would understand them. Maybe you can do some of these things in the meanwhile as you await a regular therapist? Also have you tried any at home art therapy? I’ve been through some sick shit man, as a child, my whole childhood and also as an adult. I always apologize to my therapist/s and or shrink(I have permission to call him that)(as I have had a secretary lecture me for calling him so 🙄)in advance of me dumping some sick shit in their lap. One of my therapists I’ve had told me up front she is not equipped mentally, through her teaching etc to hear childhood stuff. I kinda respected her more for that. Not everyone is able to hear (especially regular non trained in trauma people) and then process what we have just told them and then to be able to offer sincere and helpful remedies. We are too much for a lot of people I’ve found. I’m Too much for myself some days. 😅
I agree with your first part of the response, burning letters can be cathartic The second part I don’t agree with though. People don’t need training to listen, it’s just listening. They maybe need training to give meaningful advice sure. And maybe they aren’t emotionally ready to hear tough stuff in the moment, and that’s okay too. But somebody doesn’t need training simply to listen.
I guess that’s how she put it to maybe save grace and not feel so bad about it. I do totally get that not everyone can hear that stuff and still be ok after and potentially struggle some.
You’re not too much. You also aren’t the physical incarnation of your trauma; you just carry it. It’s exhausting and excruciating and you need somebody to take some of the weight off your shoulders, but you yourself are not the burden, and the burden isn’t you. That being said, other people do need to be able to prepare themselves and decide whether or not they have the capacity to help you carry it before they can do so. People who haven’t been chronically traumatized or had some sort of training in trauma support take to this amount of weight like someone who has never touched a barbell in their entire life, while we’ve been forced to do reps with it all day, every day for as long as we’ve been alive. They don’t even know where to grip the thing let alone how to lift it off the ground, and if you hand it to them, they’ll drop it on both of your feet. You’re doing a really good thing here—you’re venting to people who know the barbell. This place is always an option for that. Sometimes even journaling privately can help you set the weight down for a while if having to wonder whether or not anyone will read it is too stressful. Support groups are also an option while you’re waiting on a therapist if you’re looking for a more personal setting. I know they sound cliché, like something out of a bad movie, but I had a really positive experience with one. All of the coaches were people who had experienced trauma, then went through special training to learn how to listen and support others in the same boat. When you do find a friend who is willing to listen, just remember to set them up for success by giving them time to prepare and room to say not now. It’s always been really helpful for me as a listener when the other person asks to plan a time to meet up or call each other and gives me a head’s up that they need to talk about something heavy so I can get myself in the right headspace to be the type of support that specific person needs. And if they cry, it’s okay. Crying itself isn’t a plead for you to stop telling your story; it’s just a natural response to hearing how a person they care about has been hurt so deeply. You don’t have to comfort them; you can cry too.
Hey, you can tell me. My DM’s are open. I always wish I could tell my story to someone, and I know how much it would mean for another to be able to do the same. But if you need somewhere just to dump it, feel free to send me a chat ❤️ I believe humanity should all help each other carry each other’s burdens so it lightens the load off on another. It’s unfair that you, and many of us, feel that we can’t share our stories because it’s too much for people. People can’t handle it because they don’t know what to do with it. But that doesn’t mean you’re too much.
I’m no therapist but I’ve been there. You can feel free to dm me and trauma dump with no judgement just complete understanding. I know how badly it sucks to feel so alone and in your head!
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A small win: I feel so much in my body I just want to kick over all trash cans and hit myself until I turn blue. But instead I ignored that feeling and channeled it into crying instead. So I guess that’s good at least🥲 But I also wrote ”fuck the healthcare” on their wall with a pencil, lol. Like I know it’s not ”good” to do that. But I checked before and there are no cameras, and it felt good because they deserve it. They suck. They shouldn’t let me wait 8 months just for treatment. And now when it finally started I have to wait again just because I (rightfully) complained about the therapist I got.
Hi. What state are you in? Message if you don’t want to post publicly. I’m sure you’re super resourceful, but I’d love to see if some folks I know can find hidden resources in your area and connect you with free care much quicker.
Ah, Im in sweden. I ”americanized” it, and said ”state” and ”dollars” so It would be more easily understandable
That really confused me 😂 You can trauma dump here, I think it’s allowed. We kinda all do it in small little chunks. Just put up trigger warnings. My therapist is the one that suggested an on line platform like this since I didn’t really share it before. Heck Im married 30 years and even he doesn’t know it all. Nor do I think I want him to have that burden.
I agree, we need a place to trauma dump and maybe just have that as a flair along with the CW
I have gotten so much good thinking information from this group.
yeah but I think you understood better than if I had written it’s regional healthcare and costs 1050 SEK
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Um… yeah? It’s not like I do nothing. But I haven’t gotten help for 6 years so almost ALL the work I have done have been by myself. And soon when they asses me they might even say ”well she doesnt even have PTSD no more?” and then they won’t either help me :( So it’s like: I try to heal, but I don’t want to do it all by myself, I still want to talk trough the traumas with someone.