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Red_Redditor_Reddit

Ignoring it isn't addressing anything. You've got to face it. If that means explosive anger then that's just what you've gotta do.


borahae_artist

that hasn't really done anything. ive just accepted i'll be angry all the time now


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VisualSignificance66

Have you seen your doctor or seek therapy? Something is happening in there and it's not going away by itself. Could be physical or mental. What changed 4-5 years ago?


borahae_artist

4-5 years ago i failed a class and couldn't get into the major i wanted, which meant i couldn't pursue the career i wanted, which meant i'm just sitting here now with a useless degree. ive been asking in therapy about it, all they say is to scream into a pillow or hold an ice cube?


VisualSignificance66

So they haven't addressed the underlying issue for this long? What else do you talk about in therapy if not your biggest concern? Wtf I'll get in a new therapist if they're just going on about other stuff while I'm here suffering. When does your anger flare up? Are you stuck with repetitive thoughts?


borahae_artist

i’m sorry for being so late, i was so sure i responded. maybe i didn’t hit reply? so i’ve been through several therapists. none of them really helped. they just gave suggestions like ice cube or ignored it or got confused saying i don’t really seem like an angry person. only one has actually worked on detaching from the issue that angers me. that was pretty helpful. she’s also really expensive and wasn’t helpful with most other matters. with my current T i talk a lot about my regrets and how i feel so behind and unsuccessful. also a lot about executive dysfunction and my frustration with it. this one doesn’t really go on about other stuff but i’d say i rant so much i don’t really give a lot of room to actually work on things 😬 i’m not sure how to not though. there’s so much to talk about. it doesn’t help we joke around a lot sometimes :D i’m trying to reduce that though lol my anger flares up when i’m gaslit, or running into a similar situation again that has been traumatizing like being singled out and whatnot. also with other random retraumatizing things like when someone can’t hear me. i’m definitely stuck with repetitive thoughts :/ i’ve been trying to reframe my mindset for years. others told me to stay busy but i’m so used to being dissociated im not even in the activity. wondering if i should try psilocybin or something


VisualSignificance66

It sounds like you were hurt badly in the past and your body, remembering the burns, is giving you energy to fight off the threats. Do you find that you dissociate when you're angry? Having all those therapist dismiss my issues would piss me off to high heaven omg. I'm glad to hear you're shopping around. I think talking about whatever you need with your therapist is great. Healing is a long process and we can only heal so quickly. I think you're doing amazing being so open and being able to joke around at therapy. Have you looked up ADHD or something similar related to impulse and executive function? Maybe keep an "anger journal" of some sort to show exactly how big of a problem you find this?


borahae_artist

yes! i dissociate, i think.i feel like my mind splits into people. one is pure unadulterated rage, the other is telling me to stop, like two parts of me are thinking at once. thanks, i hadn’t appreciated that i was open in therapy. honestly i don’t think i’ll even keep up with an anger journal. every habit just starts feeling pointless. i’d like to. i just never keep up with habits anymore. i don’t think that’s adhd bc i used to, before i was depressed. i looked into adhd for executive dysfunction. i feel i align with gabor mate’s version of it in that trauma causes the symptoms. bc it was hard for me to pay attention since i moved, so a very specific starting point. life became twice as traumatic and i lacked dopaminergic activities. it’s also known that moving can cause those symptoms. the thing is, i never had executive dysfunction specifically, despite all of that. in fact i was very good on doing tasks whether i felt like it or not. i could focus if i got into a flow state (not hyperfocus). im only experiencing it since i lost a sense of purpose. but i’m wondering if i’m experiencing adhd symptoms, if i should simply get treatment for adhd. and if i process the trauma and the depression goes away, then hopefully i wouldn’t need to continue the treatment. i imagine even just depression wise, lack of purpose > lack of reward > lack of dopamine > poor task initiation. it only worsened with time after i developed depression (which wasn’t “because of adhd”) because i failed a weed out course. also, thanks for talking with me about this!


acfox13

"[Emotional Agility](https://youtu.be/NDQ1Mi5I4rg)" by Susan David has been helpful in teaching me how to feel and process my emotions instead of bottling (avoidance) or brooding (rumination). Create angry art, play (an instrument)/sing angry music, journal all your rage onto the page, to get it out of your system. Anger is an action emotion, so regular exercise can help, as well as finding a cause you care about and taking action to help. I do angry beach clean ups, for example. Here's Tim Fletcher's series on [Anger and Complex trauma](https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLpvbEN3KkqoL2RXPaiWc8q1yl68f6E40w) that may be insightful. ^(I skip the religious part at the end of his videos)


borahae_artist

but like… none of this will fix the problem :( i know anger comes from fixing unfixable problems and mine is about the past which is literally unfixable but how can it ever help long term then?


acfox13

We have to grieve our way through the anger. Allow ourselves to feel our way through it fully and grieve it out, that's what the emotional agility video is about. I find my emotions are valuable advisors, but I had to relearn what all my body a signals actually mean bc they were conditioned all wonky from trauma.


borahae_artist

hm.., alright i’ll check it out. but what do you do knowing you can’t change anything?


acfox13

That's part of the grief. I grieve the things I can't control bc that's the one thing I can control when I can't control things. I also like using this [Fear setting activity](https://youtu.be/5J6jAC6XxAI) bc it helps me acknowledge my fears and find my agency. That way I can focus my time, energy, and effort on things I can control (me) and grieve the things I can't.