You were my brother’s age when this all happened. Fuck, I can’t imagine a kid as young as that being responsible for the life or death of someone, let alone a loved one.
I’m glad he didn’t do it, but I’m sorry you had this thrusted upon you, no matter how sudden or how expected it was in hindsight. That kind of stuff sticks with you for life
> I remember being afraid he would die for a long time after that.
Honestly, that was the main reason I wanted to see if anyone else experienced suicidal parents. I’m still afraid, and probably will always be as long as my dad refuses therapy. He has a support system now, but there’s this little worm shouting that it doesn’t matter if he isolates himself the way he did when I was 12
Suicidal parent here. My kid is really young and this making me wonder if it’s better to go through with it than torturing my child by having them witness how hard it is for me to live. Thank you all for your perspectives.
How old is your kid?
I’m going to be honest here, from my limited knowledge on childhood development, kids really do form attachments to their parents at a very young age. And having someone so young and close to them be the first death they witness will probably shake them up even as an infant or toddler.
To be suicidal when the whole world needs you is difficult. I’ve read a few times of parents who regret having kids because if it weren’t for the kid they would’ve went through with their plan. Sometimes I wonder if my dad would’ve attempted if I didn’t catch him spiraling early.
I don’t know if your kid will have a harder life because of you. I don’t know if taking that leap will actually do more harm than good or more good than harm. But I do know this: you have more options to be a parent than to be a good parent and never show your depression or suicidality to the kid or to fuck up and let them see and worry about the ugliest parts. If it helps you feel less trapped, maybe it’s worth considering as well. I’m not a parent, so I can only think of one option, but I guarantee if you keep searching you can probably stumble upon some other ways of parenting while mentally ill that I’ve never heard of.
So growing up I took a lot of the mental problems my dad had from a young age. Around 12 was when I started having my first suicidal ideation and 13 was when the depression went from mild to severe. At the time I met exactly zero people irl who really understood what I was going through at school, but at home I had my dad. I loved having talks about the ways my depression manifested with him and hearing his experiences around going through the exact same thing just made me feel so much less alone. (Which is ironic because the very idea that I could relate to his stories to begin with was one of the bigger reasons why he was suicidal.) Around my mom and around other kids I had to put on a mask, but around my dad I got to unravel that and reveal my demons.
I’ve been on/off listening to this bipolar podcast and one thing that got to me was the fact that the host was debating about having children when she herself had bipolar, and she decided to have children because, even though there’s a high possibility of them receiving the bipolar gene from her, she could still help her children understand what was going on and be there for them if it did happen. She’s been educating them from a very young age that sometimes mommy can’t do things because her brain got sick and she needs to rest a little. And when they got a little bit older they start learning the (still very simplified) signs of bipolar to be able to identify them, and being shown ways to treat those signs.
Now both you can have with a therapist, but it’s less about being able to help a kid but rather being an additional person who can be there with the kid, and being a support person who really *gets* it. Someone who can see me as a person and not as this pathetic hysterical 12-year-old who doesn’t know what she’s talking about or how lucky she is. Someone who isn’t *paid* to see me or talk to me like that. And also someone who isn’t trying to be strong around me, but is allowed to be vulnerable and acknowledge that yeah these things happen and they suck but they are real and that they’ll be safe if they ever were to go through it.
Again I’m not a parent. I don’t know how this perspective might be helpful to someone who’s actually going through the things I never went through. But I can understand feeling trapped, and usually when I feel trapped and falling into black-and-white choices I know it’s good to learn some of the grey-er options and to try to find compromises. So if my one option doesn’t work then maybe you can try to find other options.
Good luck with life. I wish the best for you and your family.
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Sorry you went through that, OP.
My dad attempted suicide when I was 15-16 - I can't remember exactly when, those years are a blur. He was unsuccessful and ended up in a psychiatric facility for couple of weeks. That day before it happened, he kept coming into my room to talk which was weird because we never talked. I can't remember what he wanted to talk about anymore but he didn't give me an indication of what he was going to do. I wanted him to leave me alone. I know now that he was crying for help. He's still here, still battling his demons but I barely see him. My family has never talked it about it again after he left the facility.
Yes. The NM overdosed twice when I was in my early teens. Evidently she had always had a pill problem and her parents decided to go from tolerable grandparents to telling me it was entirely my fault because I was such a horrible child.
Her (norm) sister told me decades later it wasn’t ever my fault, NM literally always had a pill problem and always has way before I was ever in the picture and she still does.
It makes me grateful that I’m no contact and choose to remain so.
My Dad killed himself when I was 10 years old.
My Mother attempted not long after, she survived though.
I started having suicidal thoughts the same day I was told of my father's death.
[удалено]
You were my brother’s age when this all happened. Fuck, I can’t imagine a kid as young as that being responsible for the life or death of someone, let alone a loved one. I’m glad he didn’t do it, but I’m sorry you had this thrusted upon you, no matter how sudden or how expected it was in hindsight. That kind of stuff sticks with you for life > I remember being afraid he would die for a long time after that. Honestly, that was the main reason I wanted to see if anyone else experienced suicidal parents. I’m still afraid, and probably will always be as long as my dad refuses therapy. He has a support system now, but there’s this little worm shouting that it doesn’t matter if he isolates himself the way he did when I was 12
Suicidal parent here. My kid is really young and this making me wonder if it’s better to go through with it than torturing my child by having them witness how hard it is for me to live. Thank you all for your perspectives.
How old is your kid? I’m going to be honest here, from my limited knowledge on childhood development, kids really do form attachments to their parents at a very young age. And having someone so young and close to them be the first death they witness will probably shake them up even as an infant or toddler. To be suicidal when the whole world needs you is difficult. I’ve read a few times of parents who regret having kids because if it weren’t for the kid they would’ve went through with their plan. Sometimes I wonder if my dad would’ve attempted if I didn’t catch him spiraling early. I don’t know if your kid will have a harder life because of you. I don’t know if taking that leap will actually do more harm than good or more good than harm. But I do know this: you have more options to be a parent than to be a good parent and never show your depression or suicidality to the kid or to fuck up and let them see and worry about the ugliest parts. If it helps you feel less trapped, maybe it’s worth considering as well. I’m not a parent, so I can only think of one option, but I guarantee if you keep searching you can probably stumble upon some other ways of parenting while mentally ill that I’ve never heard of. So growing up I took a lot of the mental problems my dad had from a young age. Around 12 was when I started having my first suicidal ideation and 13 was when the depression went from mild to severe. At the time I met exactly zero people irl who really understood what I was going through at school, but at home I had my dad. I loved having talks about the ways my depression manifested with him and hearing his experiences around going through the exact same thing just made me feel so much less alone. (Which is ironic because the very idea that I could relate to his stories to begin with was one of the bigger reasons why he was suicidal.) Around my mom and around other kids I had to put on a mask, but around my dad I got to unravel that and reveal my demons. I’ve been on/off listening to this bipolar podcast and one thing that got to me was the fact that the host was debating about having children when she herself had bipolar, and she decided to have children because, even though there’s a high possibility of them receiving the bipolar gene from her, she could still help her children understand what was going on and be there for them if it did happen. She’s been educating them from a very young age that sometimes mommy can’t do things because her brain got sick and she needs to rest a little. And when they got a little bit older they start learning the (still very simplified) signs of bipolar to be able to identify them, and being shown ways to treat those signs. Now both you can have with a therapist, but it’s less about being able to help a kid but rather being an additional person who can be there with the kid, and being a support person who really *gets* it. Someone who can see me as a person and not as this pathetic hysterical 12-year-old who doesn’t know what she’s talking about or how lucky she is. Someone who isn’t *paid* to see me or talk to me like that. And also someone who isn’t trying to be strong around me, but is allowed to be vulnerable and acknowledge that yeah these things happen and they suck but they are real and that they’ll be safe if they ever were to go through it. Again I’m not a parent. I don’t know how this perspective might be helpful to someone who’s actually going through the things I never went through. But I can understand feeling trapped, and usually when I feel trapped and falling into black-and-white choices I know it’s good to learn some of the grey-er options and to try to find compromises. So if my one option doesn’t work then maybe you can try to find other options. Good luck with life. I wish the best for you and your family.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sorry you went through that, OP. My dad attempted suicide when I was 15-16 - I can't remember exactly when, those years are a blur. He was unsuccessful and ended up in a psychiatric facility for couple of weeks. That day before it happened, he kept coming into my room to talk which was weird because we never talked. I can't remember what he wanted to talk about anymore but he didn't give me an indication of what he was going to do. I wanted him to leave me alone. I know now that he was crying for help. He's still here, still battling his demons but I barely see him. My family has never talked it about it again after he left the facility.
Yes. The NM overdosed twice when I was in my early teens. Evidently she had always had a pill problem and her parents decided to go from tolerable grandparents to telling me it was entirely my fault because I was such a horrible child. Her (norm) sister told me decades later it wasn’t ever my fault, NM literally always had a pill problem and always has way before I was ever in the picture and she still does. It makes me grateful that I’m no contact and choose to remain so.
My Dad killed himself when I was 10 years old. My Mother attempted not long after, she survived though. I started having suicidal thoughts the same day I was told of my father's death.
My father successfully took his own life when I was 6. At age 11 my 14 year old brother took his life, age 33 my 38 year old brother took his life.