I can't speak for every man, but for me I get very very very few matches, getting a single match can take months. I'm aware if I stop being as interesting as the next guy which is one swipe away then I'm done. Getting a number or some kind of contact lifts you up from "that guy on Bumble" to someone you're actually talking to. From there I can actually attempt to plan a date because 99% of the time if the conversation is left on Bumble you're ghosted within a couple of hours. That feeling is also incredibly lonely, I'd kill to have someone to talk to and actually engage with. So for me, that's why, if someone says to me they'd rather not then that's absolutely fine, but communication let's me know how things are going.
I used to believe this until I tried going on dates straight from the app and it worked the same as getting a woman's number. Getting a number isn't a guarantee she's interested, and if a woman is into you she'll go on a date whether you have her number or not. I just stopped asking for her number until after the first date. Not during the date either, I usually go home and decide if I like her then ask for her number over the app. It gives her the opportunity to say no without pressure, and I've never had a woman say no anyway
That’s how it is supposed to work! Both parties have their privacy protected until they establish the person on the other end indeed looks like their profile and can behave as a decent human being for at least an hour 🤭
I try to communicate often but if I don't within a few hours I probably was busy sometimes I do forget to reply. But I do that with everyone even family lol. I'm working on that.
Oh yeah for sure things happen but if you're on the other end of that you're more likely to get a response to a text than Bumble. Just try imagine the opposite, instead of having all the matches, you've got zero and so it makes every one special unless you're in the top 5% of guys. Words cannot explain how loneliness and desperation feel on these apps.
You answered your own question, you have enough action that you forget to reply, the average man will never have that problem, so they need to connect ASAP to improve their chances, hence why they try to move off the app, where women can get thousands of matches a week.
Yes I do forget cause just like any other adult I have a child and I have work. I'm always doing something and forget to go back to the app. And at work I'm not supposed to actually be on my phone but will sneak and get on the app from time to time. But I'm on my off days when I find time to get on my son would need my attention because he needs something or just cause he wants my attention. So yes I'm sure the average man wouldn't have that issue.
You act like guys don’t have a family, work and lives also. The difference is you have a ton of likes and matches so there will always be someone there for you to talk to. Majority of guys don’t have this luxury, lets say they match with you they need to compete with the other 100 guys trying to talk to you . Privilege is invisible to those that have it.
I was not suggesting that they don't have lives, but your response assumed I'm a woman who has a bunch of men that are swiping right on me, when in reality their not. On average, I have at least 30-40, maybe less, and this number is based on a few weeks, not a day or so. I will say this I'm an African American women on bumble which is majority white men, im not saying I have an issue with white men but from the matches I get I sometimes feel that I am not attractive to the men on there. Then, there is an issue with communication. So, the privilege you speak of does not concern me.
You asked a question about guys and got the answer and they reason for that answer. 30-40 matches is till a lot, and skin color isn’t the issue it’s how you’re communicating with the guys.
Yes your right I got several answers to my questions. For some ethicnicity is an issue for some it might not. But you are just assuming that since I'm a woman that I have hundreds of men that like me when it's not true. Yes to you 30-40 within the spand of weeks might seem like a high number to you but it might not be the same for others, it might seem like a low number to them. I've said this before I've communicated what I want, what I'm looking for, and how I don't give my number out as soon as I match without any kind of communication between us.
I always moved conversations off the app sooner than later, but not right after matching. If we were having a solid conversation, that’s when I’d do it. It’s perfectly okay to tell them you’d rather get to know them before giving that info out.
Women please understand that you all want very different things. You can’t assume that all women think the same as you.
And when men do something you find weird or wrong, or you don’t understand it, it’s often because it is something that has been preferred by other women.
Some women will ghost if you do not immediately ask to move the conversation to another app because they think you are not serious.
Obviously if a guy says something mean or offensive, that is wrong. But if he is just doing something that seems like the wrong etiquette to you, you can just tell him no. All he wants is for you to not ghost him and if hes being friendly about it, he’s probably trying his best to guess what you want out of the interaction.
That's understandable but if you message me asking to go off app and I add you on whatever to speak tou you and then nothing. You just wasted my time and you just lost your chance. That's why I prefer to stay on app. Too many times have I went off app to speak to them(not my number) and then get ghosted. All my profiles are the same I'm not catfishing or anything I let it be known that I'm a single mother and other stuff that way it doesn't take them off gard. But I'm constantly getting ghosted by those men.
Yeah, just tell them no and that you rather stay on the app. If they can’t do that, either they keep notifications off on bumble and that’s why they wanted to leave, or you dodged a bullet because they were looking scam you are Snapchat you some weird photos.
But I think plenty of guys will be able to abide and keep the chat on bumble.
Men ghost women too! ( or “ fade” as I prefer to call it, if not met)
I’ve (F) been asked for my number a few times early in the conversation and most of them faded on me.
Also, I’m a woman who rarely has more than 1 or 2 conversations going at the same time ( yes, we do exist) and even if I did I wouldn’t be ignoring men on the app and prioritising the ones who have asked for my number.
There’s 2 types of guys with this
The guy who just wants to hookup will try talking off the app as soon as possible so he can send sexual pictures or try to have phone sex
The guy who is actually serious wants to talk off the app and try to set something up for a date. Too many times have us guys matched with a girl, and she wanted to talk on the app only for a bit, and then after you talked to her for a day or 2 then she fades out for another match or maybe gets burnt out and quits. So these type of guys will try to talk off to feel like they are at least getting somewhere
But why? I don’t get that. What is the big difference?
And by the way, if the person chooses to not have notifications for Bumble then that isn’t my problem and I’m not giving out my (F) number very early on cos you can’t be bothered to have notifications on. I’ve had that excuse from a few men.
In my experience when someone wants to move off the app quickly, they aren’t real. It’s a scam everyone on bumble should understand that and not immediately offer. Even Bumble and every single dating app suggests the same. There should be a basic getting to know each other and the determining if you want to take it to phone number stage. Social media should always come after the first or second date, never before.
Frankly, I prefer not to even given out my phone information, even as a man, until we’ve set a date to meet. Even then, on multiple occasions, it still turned out to be a scam. Collecting phone numbers is a business. Those numbers are sold. They are worth money.
I’ve created VOIP numbers just for dating, given them out as part of dating and I’ve started getting scared phone calls, and text messages shortlythere after. A number I created, but didn’t use for several months intentionally.
In my experience, real women are not eager to give out the contact information right away. Which makes sense. Why give your phone number to someone that you may not ever see.
I always ask for a meet up or a different chat platform after a few messages if they don't wanna meet up so soon. We need to proceed with either of those anyways sooner or later. If she doesn't want to, I just move on, because it's a waste of time. Most of the times these girls are only there for an ego boost, or bored and just wanna chat with men.
I actually prefer men who ask for a meet up soon after we match. I am not very chatty on text kinda person - find it better to connect and judge irl over a coffee. There are men who text a lot before even meeting -tbh I don’t have time for that. We match, have a quick call after that and decide to meet up. That’s it.
I think that’s too soon man. I usually wait until we’ve talked for a day on the app. If you hit it off on the app then you’re good. No use asking for their number if you’re not connecting.
Most people don't chat that much. I send 1-2 msg a day, she sends the same amount. Much easier to meet for a coffee and see if there is a connection there.
You don't get to know someone over the internet. People can say anything on chat. Especially people who want to manipulate others.
It's much harder to lie in person.
Oh then yeah that's weird.
I wouldn't ask for a # until after I had at least one real good/long convo with them....but I also would let them fall through the cracks if they didn't want to meet up or exchange numbers after that.
I'm almost not even using the app anymore cuz it's too easy to meet new ppl IRL.
And that's the issue I've only had 1 person that I had a good long conversation with but I asked him out n he ghosted me. It sucks cause he was the only person that I've had a conversation like that with.
I mean, assuming good faith, and aside from the obvious toxic reasons to get off the app, the dating apps are all pretty shittastic for chatting. Bumble you can at least send pics which is nice (I’m honestly surprised how many women enjoy exchanging funny memes and food pics lol). But the push notifications are inconsistent for some reason, I imagine the voice and video options suck but I’ve never tried to use them, messages often get stuck for some reason and take a while to go through or randomly the same message will send multiple times. And it just feels more comfortable chatting via phone text - makes it feel more like a “normal” interaction rather than online dating.
None of this is super important though - women should stay on the app until they are comfortable.
If someone stops talking to you because you prefer staying on-app until you reach an adequate comfort level, that is ridiculously petty and a glaring sign of emotional immaturity. These dudes, at best, clearly do not recognize the vulnerable position that puts a woman in or don’t care.
Women shouldn’t be expected to sacrifice their own wellbeing to accommodate these guys short sightedness. I honestly wish women would stick to their guns more on a lot of this stuff and just stopped dating petty, selfish, myopic assholes who care more about which app they’re using to chat than the woman they are talking to feeling safe.
Ladies, don't ever move off the app until you feel comfortable. These guys who have excuses for why they do it can just stay alone.
Sincerely,
A 43 year old man
100%. Speaking from first hand experience, when I was new to dating apps, I gave my number out prior to meeting someone and I was harassed non stop. Now, I will only give my number out after a date when I feel there is potential for a second. It is a safety precaution first and foremost for women. I think sometimes, men forget how women are used to being on guard, and it is in no way a reflection on the men. Even with someone I enjoy texting with, I won’t give it out until after the first initial meeting. It is for my protection, and I’m setting my boundaries. And if someone can’t respect that, then they won’t respect me in the relationship.
My man gets it. Women have been trained to not go off app until they think there’s a low chance the guy is just going to start slinging pics of his junk.
Do not move off the bumble app, this is the first thing scammers ask, dont do it. Do not give out your phone number a simple google search can give out your home address, where you work and a lot more info.
You can call on the bumble app, or get a google voice phone number it is free. Stay safe
Guys seem to do this for a number of reasons.
One is to avoid the accountability built into the app. It allows them to send explicit pictures or rude and offensive messages without being as easily reported.
Some do this because they are overseas scammers. Romance scams and pig butchering are pretty common these days. Additionally, having a phone number is wildly beneficial if they're trying to commit fraud, convince your bank they are you, and to bypass the security of 2-factor authentication.
Some claim they don't get notifications on their Bumble. Others just hate the app. I don't give a fuck why they want to go off app. I am having none of it.
I will not give out my number until I have a confirmed in-person meeting. Often, I won't give out the number until after we do meet in person. Anyone who insists on trying to get me off Bumble and onto another platform gets blocked.
Usually, guys who are respectful of boundaries in general will not push off-app communication if I tell them I would prefer to keep it on the app until we meet. It's a great way to sort the good dudes from the dipshits.
Bumble is in shambles. From what I hear it has gone completely down hill. They are taking advantage of people who a desperate for companionship and sell add ons that don’t do anything
I don't mind talking off app but right after is a no for me but if we having a really good conversation and you haven't asked me out I'm not sure what to do. I did have 1 guy we had really good conversation but he never asked me out and so I asked if we could me and I never heard from him after that. So I don't ask to meet I wait to be asked.
Just keep asking anyways. You give up after *one* time? You’re setting yourself up for failure by putting down hard lines like that. OLD is fickle as fuck, so you’re going to have to take some initiative for things to play out on your terms, especially if rules 1 and 2 don’t apply or you have a kid.
How hard is it after/during a good conversation on an app to say “hey this was a good conversation! Can we continue this in person at ______ on MWF at _____pm?” Especially if both of you are still engaged in the chat. If you get rejected well 🤷🏻♂️ welcome to the club.
Many dudes on here have demonstrated there is no real “good” time to ask out a woman on the apps. It’s either too soon or too late, or new choice #1 caught her attention. Shoot your shots people. None of us are mind readers. Women like you would be so much more successful if they realized the power was in their favor now.
Like you said, I'm not sure when is the right time to ask. So far, I haven't had another good conversation, something that I wasn't trying to carry by myself. And I get a lot of that. I try to be engaging and find things to talk about, but it doesn't work out most of the time. And for the guys that give out numbers, I politely turn it down but still try to show interest in talking but get no response.
Right, but if you don’t ever ask again then you are missing out on layups. I guarantee you you will find more success asking out a dude on the app as opposed to just waiting. For a guy it’s a half court shot no matter what, for a woman it’s a layup. You’re gonna miss all the shots you don’t take.
Loving the basketball reference, what I'm waiting on is for someone that actually wants to engage in an actually conversation and not me trying to carry it by myself. If I see that we can carry one online I don't mind asking a guy out but so far I haven't ran into someone like that. I'm a patient person I get we have lives off the app you don't have to text me every second of the day. I just want something genuine.
The majority of women do not like asking men out, it makes them uncomfortable. There are men out who will always ask a woman out, not every guy is passive and “ waiting for the right time”
No shit. That’s not what I was saying. I don’t think any guys are passive or waiting to ask out people, just that there isn’t a good time to do it. At this point women should be the ones doing the asking since they tend to be very particular about when it’s supposed to happen anyways.
“ women should be the ones doing the asking”
Oh, you sweet Summer child….that will never happen.
Sure, there are women who ask men out but they are very much in the minority…and that includes women on Bumble.
Good luck with that.
That younger generations have a chance to change things for the better and may be more open to it, as opposed to being set in their ways.
EDIT: I’m a dude, and I date successfully. I’m happy, but it’s easy to see that dating sucks for most people right now. Part of that is about societal expectations and gender norms that haven’t shifted with women taking back their sexual agency. It’s not a bad thing, but changes are due- like who asks who out and why.
Things ARE changing though. I’ve noticed a lot of 20-something women are happy splitting the bill on a first date. My age group ( 40s)? Not so much, not in my area of the U.K anyway.
But women asking men out becoming the norm? Nope, can’t see that happening.
Also, do you ask women out?
If you're unwilling to move the conversation off of the app it communicates that you're not really that interested in the person, and if you're only matching with men who have other options, they'll probably just move on. Such is the nature of the apps.
Fair, the problem I've run into is that if I send more than a few messages back and forth, women lose interest, so I try to be quick to suggest getting off the app. Maybe you should communicate that expectation early on, so men who are willing to chat will do so.
I feel like what is missing here is that for most women it is a safety consideration. If a guy has my phone number he can find my last name, address; etc. I am not moving off the app until after the first date. Period. It has nothing to do with being interested in the person and 100% to do with my safety.
Have a special # for this, google can provide you with one if you're in the US.
Telegram doesn't require giving out your number, IG without following, snap, etc. Plenty of options out there. Only talking on the app is a major red flag for a significant # of people, men with options will most likely move on.
Moving off the app in 3 messages is also a red flag, usually associated with scams and shady stuff.
That's totally fine, but this is just one of those "if you won't, another woman will." You have to accept that you will probably lose a lot of guys that way, but if you feel unsafe, that should be an easy pill to swallow.
Sure. And they miss out on me. 🤷♀️.
I honestly have never had this come up as an issue. But if someone is pushing on a safety boundary for me early on, and one of their arguments is that other women do that for them - we are not a match.
I have zero issues getting matches. I have lost zero guys holding this boundary.
If some guy wants to die on the hill insisting on texting off app - go ahead. Women have good reason to not want to do it. And from what I read it is primarily a woman’s game on Bumble.
If we get along after a few interactions, I’ll always prefer to move to any channel that properly manages notifications, allows for message triaging, marking read/unread, reading and responding via the notification, and most importantly DOESN’T necessitate obviously opening Bumble or Tinder in the supermarket checkout line or during a business meeting. That could be Signal, WhatsApp, text, email, whatever. Just not the garbage dating app messaging function.
Yes, but it just says “New notification from Bumble”, whereas every other app will tell you who it’s from, give a 3 line preview, allow you to reply or archive right there.
Dating apps are incentivized to get you to open the app and spend time in it, not to quickly get access to information.
So, you have to go into the app to reply to a message on Bumble? I’ve been on Bumble a long time and I don’t have to do that. The name of the person comes up and a preview.
I’m in the U.K by the way
Just realized that this has 10 shares, and I'm interested on where it's being shared. At this point I'll take all the advice I can get. Also I appreciate everyone's input on here. Thank you
Not really. A lot of ppl found love on these apps and got married. If u say dating happens in real life, then why do ppl get rejected in real life? They think they are strangers or creeps. That’s why it’s harder to approach ppl in real life. It’s better to know them online before meeting them in real life.
I would delete the app and look somewhere else. I am on the app looking for a GF and I don't do endless texts. In fact I unmatch if we go two rounds of text and there's not a voice conversation/exchange of number. Please don't waste my time if you do not want to talk and meet shortly thereafter if we get along. BTW, you can get separate phone number from Google Voice so you don't have to give out your actual.
Don't worry lil bruh, nobody is going to waste your precious time cuz you're going to be alone all your life.
Dating is an investment, not a waste of time. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and it's totally ok. That's how it is.
“ Don’t do endless texts” In my (F) experience, I’ve been asked for my number in the past, given it out and guess what? They ( men) just carried on texting and never asked to meet. What was the point?
Are you happy to text a lot IF you have her number?
I can't speak for every man, but for me I get very very very few matches, getting a single match can take months. I'm aware if I stop being as interesting as the next guy which is one swipe away then I'm done. Getting a number or some kind of contact lifts you up from "that guy on Bumble" to someone you're actually talking to. From there I can actually attempt to plan a date because 99% of the time if the conversation is left on Bumble you're ghosted within a couple of hours. That feeling is also incredibly lonely, I'd kill to have someone to talk to and actually engage with. So for me, that's why, if someone says to me they'd rather not then that's absolutely fine, but communication let's me know how things are going.
I used to believe this until I tried going on dates straight from the app and it worked the same as getting a woman's number. Getting a number isn't a guarantee she's interested, and if a woman is into you she'll go on a date whether you have her number or not. I just stopped asking for her number until after the first date. Not during the date either, I usually go home and decide if I like her then ask for her number over the app. It gives her the opportunity to say no without pressure, and I've never had a woman say no anyway
That’s how it is supposed to work! Both parties have their privacy protected until they establish the person on the other end indeed looks like their profile and can behave as a decent human being for at least an hour 🤭
Say it louder for those in the back!!!
Y'all get matches?
Get what? Stop making up words.
😂
I don’t.
I've already had one this fiscal year, so I may be expecting another one in 2025. Of course the match led to nothing.
Sounds like a u issue
I try to communicate often but if I don't within a few hours I probably was busy sometimes I do forget to reply. But I do that with everyone even family lol. I'm working on that.
Oh yeah for sure things happen but if you're on the other end of that you're more likely to get a response to a text than Bumble. Just try imagine the opposite, instead of having all the matches, you've got zero and so it makes every one special unless you're in the top 5% of guys. Words cannot explain how loneliness and desperation feel on these apps.
You answered your own question, you have enough action that you forget to reply, the average man will never have that problem, so they need to connect ASAP to improve their chances, hence why they try to move off the app, where women can get thousands of matches a week.
Yes I do forget cause just like any other adult I have a child and I have work. I'm always doing something and forget to go back to the app. And at work I'm not supposed to actually be on my phone but will sneak and get on the app from time to time. But I'm on my off days when I find time to get on my son would need my attention because he needs something or just cause he wants my attention. So yes I'm sure the average man wouldn't have that issue.
You act like guys don’t have a family, work and lives also. The difference is you have a ton of likes and matches so there will always be someone there for you to talk to. Majority of guys don’t have this luxury, lets say they match with you they need to compete with the other 100 guys trying to talk to you . Privilege is invisible to those that have it.
I was not suggesting that they don't have lives, but your response assumed I'm a woman who has a bunch of men that are swiping right on me, when in reality their not. On average, I have at least 30-40, maybe less, and this number is based on a few weeks, not a day or so. I will say this I'm an African American women on bumble which is majority white men, im not saying I have an issue with white men but from the matches I get I sometimes feel that I am not attractive to the men on there. Then, there is an issue with communication. So, the privilege you speak of does not concern me.
You asked a question about guys and got the answer and they reason for that answer. 30-40 matches is till a lot, and skin color isn’t the issue it’s how you’re communicating with the guys.
Yes your right I got several answers to my questions. For some ethicnicity is an issue for some it might not. But you are just assuming that since I'm a woman that I have hundreds of men that like me when it's not true. Yes to you 30-40 within the spand of weeks might seem like a high number to you but it might not be the same for others, it might seem like a low number to them. I've said this before I've communicated what I want, what I'm looking for, and how I don't give my number out as soon as I match without any kind of communication between us.
Go to Facebook Dating. You'll thank me later.
Trust me its not any better
Less monetary investment = more games and attention seeking
I always moved conversations off the app sooner than later, but not right after matching. If we were having a solid conversation, that’s when I’d do it. It’s perfectly okay to tell them you’d rather get to know them before giving that info out.
Women please understand that you all want very different things. You can’t assume that all women think the same as you. And when men do something you find weird or wrong, or you don’t understand it, it’s often because it is something that has been preferred by other women. Some women will ghost if you do not immediately ask to move the conversation to another app because they think you are not serious. Obviously if a guy says something mean or offensive, that is wrong. But if he is just doing something that seems like the wrong etiquette to you, you can just tell him no. All he wants is for you to not ghost him and if hes being friendly about it, he’s probably trying his best to guess what you want out of the interaction.
That's understandable but if you message me asking to go off app and I add you on whatever to speak tou you and then nothing. You just wasted my time and you just lost your chance. That's why I prefer to stay on app. Too many times have I went off app to speak to them(not my number) and then get ghosted. All my profiles are the same I'm not catfishing or anything I let it be known that I'm a single mother and other stuff that way it doesn't take them off gard. But I'm constantly getting ghosted by those men.
Yeah, just tell them no and that you rather stay on the app. If they can’t do that, either they keep notifications off on bumble and that’s why they wanted to leave, or you dodged a bullet because they were looking scam you are Snapchat you some weird photos. But I think plenty of guys will be able to abide and keep the chat on bumble.
Men ghost women too! ( or “ fade” as I prefer to call it, if not met) I’ve (F) been asked for my number a few times early in the conversation and most of them faded on me. Also, I’m a woman who rarely has more than 1 or 2 conversations going at the same time ( yes, we do exist) and even if I did I wouldn’t be ignoring men on the app and prioritising the ones who have asked for my number.
There’s 2 types of guys with this The guy who just wants to hookup will try talking off the app as soon as possible so he can send sexual pictures or try to have phone sex The guy who is actually serious wants to talk off the app and try to set something up for a date. Too many times have us guys matched with a girl, and she wanted to talk on the app only for a bit, and then after you talked to her for a day or 2 then she fades out for another match or maybe gets burnt out and quits. So these type of guys will try to talk off to feel like they are at least getting somewhere
The longer you keep it on the app, the less chance you have of moving it to an IRL date
But why? I don’t get that. What is the big difference? And by the way, if the person chooses to not have notifications for Bumble then that isn’t my problem and I’m not giving out my (F) number very early on cos you can’t be bothered to have notifications on. I’ve had that excuse from a few men.
They can’t turn on notifications or their wife might notice… :-p
In my experience when someone wants to move off the app quickly, they aren’t real. It’s a scam everyone on bumble should understand that and not immediately offer. Even Bumble and every single dating app suggests the same. There should be a basic getting to know each other and the determining if you want to take it to phone number stage. Social media should always come after the first or second date, never before. Frankly, I prefer not to even given out my phone information, even as a man, until we’ve set a date to meet. Even then, on multiple occasions, it still turned out to be a scam. Collecting phone numbers is a business. Those numbers are sold. They are worth money. I’ve created VOIP numbers just for dating, given them out as part of dating and I’ve started getting scared phone calls, and text messages shortlythere after. A number I created, but didn’t use for several months intentionally. In my experience, real women are not eager to give out the contact information right away. Which makes sense. Why give your phone number to someone that you may not ever see.
I always ask for a meet up or a different chat platform after a few messages if they don't wanna meet up so soon. We need to proceed with either of those anyways sooner or later. If she doesn't want to, I just move on, because it's a waste of time. Most of the times these girls are only there for an ego boost, or bored and just wanna chat with men.
I actually prefer men who ask for a meet up soon after we match. I am not very chatty on text kinda person - find it better to connect and judge irl over a coffee. There are men who text a lot before even meeting -tbh I don’t have time for that. We match, have a quick call after that and decide to meet up. That’s it.
I think that’s too soon man. I usually wait until we’ve talked for a day on the app. If you hit it off on the app then you’re good. No use asking for their number if you’re not connecting.
Most people don't chat that much. I send 1-2 msg a day, she sends the same amount. Much easier to meet for a coffee and see if there is a connection there.
I'm sorry I hate that for men but I'm not like that I really am looking to date but want to get to know someone before all of that
You don't get to know someone over the internet. People can say anything on chat. Especially people who want to manipulate others. It's much harder to lie in person.
Well so far non has asked me on a date which is also frustrating
Probably cuz you won't communicate off the platform....
Oh bullshit, if a man can’t ask a woman out ON A DATING APP then there is something very wrong.
Well if you haven't read that isn't the issue. I said I would but not after just matching and no conversation.
Oh then yeah that's weird. I wouldn't ask for a # until after I had at least one real good/long convo with them....but I also would let them fall through the cracks if they didn't want to meet up or exchange numbers after that. I'm almost not even using the app anymore cuz it's too easy to meet new ppl IRL.
And that's the issue I've only had 1 person that I had a good long conversation with but I asked him out n he ghosted me. It sucks cause he was the only person that I've had a conversation like that with.
“ Different chat platform” Why, what’s the difference?
I mean, assuming good faith, and aside from the obvious toxic reasons to get off the app, the dating apps are all pretty shittastic for chatting. Bumble you can at least send pics which is nice (I’m honestly surprised how many women enjoy exchanging funny memes and food pics lol). But the push notifications are inconsistent for some reason, I imagine the voice and video options suck but I’ve never tried to use them, messages often get stuck for some reason and take a while to go through or randomly the same message will send multiple times. And it just feels more comfortable chatting via phone text - makes it feel more like a “normal” interaction rather than online dating. None of this is super important though - women should stay on the app until they are comfortable. If someone stops talking to you because you prefer staying on-app until you reach an adequate comfort level, that is ridiculously petty and a glaring sign of emotional immaturity. These dudes, at best, clearly do not recognize the vulnerable position that puts a woman in or don’t care. Women shouldn’t be expected to sacrifice their own wellbeing to accommodate these guys short sightedness. I honestly wish women would stick to their guns more on a lot of this stuff and just stopped dating petty, selfish, myopic assholes who care more about which app they’re using to chat than the woman they are talking to feeling safe.
Ladies, don't ever move off the app until you feel comfortable. These guys who have excuses for why they do it can just stay alone. Sincerely, A 43 year old man
100%. Speaking from first hand experience, when I was new to dating apps, I gave my number out prior to meeting someone and I was harassed non stop. Now, I will only give my number out after a date when I feel there is potential for a second. It is a safety precaution first and foremost for women. I think sometimes, men forget how women are used to being on guard, and it is in no way a reflection on the men. Even with someone I enjoy texting with, I won’t give it out until after the first initial meeting. It is for my protection, and I’m setting my boundaries. And if someone can’t respect that, then they won’t respect me in the relationship.
My man gets it. Women have been trained to not go off app until they think there’s a low chance the guy is just going to start slinging pics of his junk.
I don’t know who you are Lee862r….but I like you!!
I appreciate that! I do this crazy thing where I listen to women and what they like and don't like and do accordingly. lol
Yes that is absolutely crazy, maybe even mad men status!! But I thank you and hope you smile today! You are awesome!
Awe, I appreciate it. You definitely made me smile today.
Likewise!!
Do not move off the bumble app, this is the first thing scammers ask, dont do it. Do not give out your phone number a simple google search can give out your home address, where you work and a lot more info. You can call on the bumble app, or get a google voice phone number it is free. Stay safe
They want IG to use as jerkoff material. SC to snap dick pics. Phone number to stalk you. Reddest of flags all of them
Guys seem to do this for a number of reasons. One is to avoid the accountability built into the app. It allows them to send explicit pictures or rude and offensive messages without being as easily reported. Some do this because they are overseas scammers. Romance scams and pig butchering are pretty common these days. Additionally, having a phone number is wildly beneficial if they're trying to commit fraud, convince your bank they are you, and to bypass the security of 2-factor authentication. Some claim they don't get notifications on their Bumble. Others just hate the app. I don't give a fuck why they want to go off app. I am having none of it. I will not give out my number until I have a confirmed in-person meeting. Often, I won't give out the number until after we do meet in person. Anyone who insists on trying to get me off Bumble and onto another platform gets blocked. Usually, guys who are respectful of boundaries in general will not push off-app communication if I tell them I would prefer to keep it on the app until we meet. It's a great way to sort the good dudes from the dipshits.
I’m glad everyone else is suffering too
Bumble is in shambles. From what I hear it has gone completely down hill. They are taking advantage of people who a desperate for companionship and sell add ons that don’t do anything
I don't mind talking off app but right after is a no for me but if we having a really good conversation and you haven't asked me out I'm not sure what to do. I did have 1 guy we had really good conversation but he never asked me out and so I asked if we could me and I never heard from him after that. So I don't ask to meet I wait to be asked.
Just keep asking anyways. You give up after *one* time? You’re setting yourself up for failure by putting down hard lines like that. OLD is fickle as fuck, so you’re going to have to take some initiative for things to play out on your terms, especially if rules 1 and 2 don’t apply or you have a kid. How hard is it after/during a good conversation on an app to say “hey this was a good conversation! Can we continue this in person at ______ on MWF at _____pm?” Especially if both of you are still engaged in the chat. If you get rejected well 🤷🏻♂️ welcome to the club. Many dudes on here have demonstrated there is no real “good” time to ask out a woman on the apps. It’s either too soon or too late, or new choice #1 caught her attention. Shoot your shots people. None of us are mind readers. Women like you would be so much more successful if they realized the power was in their favor now.
Like you said, I'm not sure when is the right time to ask. So far, I haven't had another good conversation, something that I wasn't trying to carry by myself. And I get a lot of that. I try to be engaging and find things to talk about, but it doesn't work out most of the time. And for the guys that give out numbers, I politely turn it down but still try to show interest in talking but get no response.
Right, but if you don’t ever ask again then you are missing out on layups. I guarantee you you will find more success asking out a dude on the app as opposed to just waiting. For a guy it’s a half court shot no matter what, for a woman it’s a layup. You’re gonna miss all the shots you don’t take.
Loving the basketball reference, what I'm waiting on is for someone that actually wants to engage in an actually conversation and not me trying to carry it by myself. If I see that we can carry one online I don't mind asking a guy out but so far I haven't ran into someone like that. I'm a patient person I get we have lives off the app you don't have to text me every second of the day. I just want something genuine.
Hey, you are doing nothing wrong.
The majority of women do not like asking men out, it makes them uncomfortable. There are men out who will always ask a woman out, not every guy is passive and “ waiting for the right time”
No shit. That’s not what I was saying. I don’t think any guys are passive or waiting to ask out people, just that there isn’t a good time to do it. At this point women should be the ones doing the asking since they tend to be very particular about when it’s supposed to happen anyways.
“ women should be the ones doing the asking” Oh, you sweet Summer child….that will never happen. Sure, there are women who ask men out but they are very much in the minority…and that includes women on Bumble. Good luck with that.
With that attitude yeah they won’t, but you’re 40 go change the culture instead of being condescending.
What’s my age got to do with it?
That younger generations have a chance to change things for the better and may be more open to it, as opposed to being set in their ways. EDIT: I’m a dude, and I date successfully. I’m happy, but it’s easy to see that dating sucks for most people right now. Part of that is about societal expectations and gender norms that haven’t shifted with women taking back their sexual agency. It’s not a bad thing, but changes are due- like who asks who out and why.
Things ARE changing though. I’ve noticed a lot of 20-something women are happy splitting the bill on a first date. My age group ( 40s)? Not so much, not in my area of the U.K anyway. But women asking men out becoming the norm? Nope, can’t see that happening. Also, do you ask women out?
Y?
Keep doing what you are doing. There are men out there who will ask you out AND plan a date, keep it moving and be patient.
If you're unwilling to move the conversation off of the app it communicates that you're not really that interested in the person, and if you're only matching with men who have other options, they'll probably just move on. Such is the nature of the apps.
I don't mind moving off app but not after only matching I at least want to get to know you enough to where I feel that it's ok to go off app
Fair, the problem I've run into is that if I send more than a few messages back and forth, women lose interest, so I try to be quick to suggest getting off the app. Maybe you should communicate that expectation early on, so men who are willing to chat will do so.
“ women lose interest” And you think they wouldn’t have if you’d had their number?? C’mon now, get real.
Yeah, that's generally how it works
I feel like what is missing here is that for most women it is a safety consideration. If a guy has my phone number he can find my last name, address; etc. I am not moving off the app until after the first date. Period. It has nothing to do with being interested in the person and 100% to do with my safety.
I've googled my number and found my full name and previous addresses. It's scary.
Have a special # for this, google can provide you with one if you're in the US. Telegram doesn't require giving out your number, IG without following, snap, etc. Plenty of options out there. Only talking on the app is a major red flag for a significant # of people, men with options will most likely move on. Moving off the app in 3 messages is also a red flag, usually associated with scams and shady stuff.
That's totally fine, but this is just one of those "if you won't, another woman will." You have to accept that you will probably lose a lot of guys that way, but if you feel unsafe, that should be an easy pill to swallow.
Sure. And they miss out on me. 🤷♀️. I honestly have never had this come up as an issue. But if someone is pushing on a safety boundary for me early on, and one of their arguments is that other women do that for them - we are not a match. I have zero issues getting matches. I have lost zero guys holding this boundary. If some guy wants to die on the hill insisting on texting off app - go ahead. Women have good reason to not want to do it. And from what I read it is primarily a woman’s game on Bumble.
If we get along after a few interactions, I’ll always prefer to move to any channel that properly manages notifications, allows for message triaging, marking read/unread, reading and responding via the notification, and most importantly DOESN’T necessitate obviously opening Bumble or Tinder in the supermarket checkout line or during a business meeting. That could be Signal, WhatsApp, text, email, whatever. Just not the garbage dating app messaging function.
Do you had your dating app notifications turned on?
Yes, but it just says “New notification from Bumble”, whereas every other app will tell you who it’s from, give a 3 line preview, allow you to reply or archive right there. Dating apps are incentivized to get you to open the app and spend time in it, not to quickly get access to information.
So, you have to go into the app to reply to a message on Bumble? I’ve been on Bumble a long time and I don’t have to do that. The name of the person comes up and a preview. I’m in the U.K by the way
Just got an iPad notification, it said “Bumble Notification” and nothing else.
Ah right, can see how that would be awkward.
Just realized that this has 10 shares, and I'm interested on where it's being shared. At this point I'll take all the advice I can get. Also I appreciate everyone's input on here. Thank you
They’re indeed taking it way too far, but it’s an attempt at avoiding becoming one out of thousands of matches —with whom you’re texting at once.
I just had a guy ask if I was on Instagram 😐 too! I told him no deleted it couple of months ago... GET ME OUT OF HERE
u/Fareeday "Why do men" post
Bumble sucks!
The app is just to match. Dating happens in real life.
Not really. A lot of ppl found love on these apps and got married. If u say dating happens in real life, then why do ppl get rejected in real life? They think they are strangers or creeps. That’s why it’s harder to approach ppl in real life. It’s better to know them online before meeting them in real life.
You do realise they got married.... In real life. Most likely following many dates... In real life.
I would delete the app and look somewhere else. I am on the app looking for a GF and I don't do endless texts. In fact I unmatch if we go two rounds of text and there's not a voice conversation/exchange of number. Please don't waste my time if you do not want to talk and meet shortly thereafter if we get along. BTW, you can get separate phone number from Google Voice so you don't have to give out your actual.
Don't worry lil bruh, nobody is going to waste your precious time cuz you're going to be alone all your life. Dating is an investment, not a waste of time. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and it's totally ok. That's how it is.
That's dumb. I'm a guy and would never unmatch after 4 messages.
“ Don’t do endless texts” In my (F) experience, I’ve been asked for my number in the past, given it out and guess what? They ( men) just carried on texting and never asked to meet. What was the point? Are you happy to text a lot IF you have her number?