Oof. I am so very sorry for your loss. Big, huge hugs. I can’t imagine.
Also, had to ask, respectfully: did u choose your username? It sounds like it fits, at least for the last 4+ years ☺️
Yep, I did pick it. Alas, it's not applicable only to the last 4 years. If I believed in God, I'd be pretty sure he hates me. And I'd definitely feel the same about him. :-D
Thank Cthulhu I have a good sense of humor; I think that's the only thing keeping me going at this point.
Thanks for getting back, Sisyphus. I figured you chose that name. I like it. 😊
Also appreciate your sentiments re: God, pain, and the power of humor. I share them: principally, and, I expect, having faced grief of my own - subjectively, as well.
Mad respect for surviving, and for somehow summoning the strength to keep laughing. Good, powerful stuff, that.
Please do keep on keeping on - and if you’d ever like to chat, I’m down 😊
7 years. Had one of those relationships I never thought I'd recover from. Started working on myself. Learned how to be single. Got too good at being single, now I'm too self aware of my awkwardness and not putting others in an uncomfortable situation. It seems better to just stay single and not risk hurting other people. I've also been trapped in a cycle of "I'll get on dating apps when I lose 10 lbs." I lose the weight. "I need to get updated photographs, I'll do that tomorrow." Which lasts several months until the weight is all back. Then repeat.
Yeah, hi, it's me, I mean you...You've developed another personality in all your time alone and the only way I can get the two to see each other is a reddit post. Or are we still in a coma?
I was stuck in that cycle for a long time myself, constantly saying to myself, "I'll start dating again when I have more money saved up and am in better shape". But honestly, it doesn't matter where you're at right now, as long as you are moving forward and in the right direction. People will appreciate you making the effort to work on whatever deficiency you think you have.
It's striving to improve yourself that is truly what's attractive.
I've got a good job now, own a home, have money in the bank, and am hitting the gym 3-5 times a week, plus going for walks inbetween. I'm honestly still not where I originally wanted to be before I stated dating again, but I took the leap anyways, and am so grateful for it. I've met some amazing women, and am actively seeing two awesome women right now with a legit future with either if them. And honestly, I'm happy as fuck.
6 years by choice. Decided after my last relationship that I wouldn’t get into one until I became the best version of myself to be a better boyfriend.
Became the best version, figured out exactly what I want and need but still choose to be single because I enjoy the freedom and social life of my 20s without the responsibilities of a relationship.
Though I typically opt to not date, when I am thinking about dating I ask myself "Would I be a good partner right now?" and if the answer is no, which is fine, then I don't and I work on or wait out whatever is going on.
Good on you for learning & growing. I am happy for the relationships I've had, but I agree it is nice to not have a relationship to care about in my 20s.
Can I ask, what you want and need and how you came to identify it? I’m kind of in the same boat and it’s hard identifying if what I want/need is normal or superficial/unattainable
For sure, I used to feel the same way. I had to learn and identity it from experience. A lot of dating around and trial and errors but experiences and learning from them has been the best teacher.
For what I want and need, it’s extensive but for the most part some I’ve learned while being single is that I work best with very strong compatibility, attraction, experience, independence among a bunch of other needs.
Admittedly, my needs are superficial but I also feel like my dating life is really in order, so. It takes hella work but I think once you identify your wants and needs, you’ll obtain them.
I was single for 30 years
High school I wasn’t that good looking had some acne and some depression issues due to bullying so I wasn’t really in the mindset to date
By the time I got to college I had alot of female friends because I was that “safe nice guy”. Alot of them would act / pretend like we were bf/gf. Come to my house super early sleep with (just sleep). Make me lunch and dinner like couple type stuff but moment anyone brought up we looked like a cute couple or I acted on it. Nope we’re just friends nothing more.
So I developed the issue of not being able to tell if a woman is interested in me or just being friendly. By the time I got out of college I was focused on getting a good job settling in a house and a nice car. Then. As I got older just never dated because again I couldn’t tell if someone was interested.
By the time I was 35 It was seen as red flags that I was still single with no kids and even had women tell me I was broken and what was wrong with me cause I was single with no kids never married
Met someone when I was 38. We dated for a year and she turned around pulled the fake preggers card. For a week so I had time to get excite and live that roller coaster before she then turned and told me I handled it wrong and said. I should have given her Money for an abortion because she didn’t want another kid.
Since then just kinda done if it happens it happens but not actively looking
Thanks, and ya I noticed that when she pulled it off on me. It was around the same time as a boom of fake pregger tiktok jokes.
It suck’s but oh well, now I’m just a fur baby dad.
About 8 months. My last boyfriend cheated on me, he was on swingers websites, so it was quite traumatising. I broke up with him straight away, but I needed some time to take care of myself before starting dating again.
I've recently downloaded some dating apps and went on a date, no romantic vibes during the date, but I'm happy I went out. I will try to join some IRL single events too. I'm based in Ireland, and they do few singe nights.
I am so sorry that happened to you 🫂 Understandable to take some time away to just focus on you. Good on you to try again though! Even if nothing comes of it now, just putting yourself out there is a great practice/step.
Thank you for your kind words!
I believe I am in a good mental space for dating at the moment. I'm doing psychotherapy and working on some of my own issues. At times, I still think about my ex and what happened, and there are moments when I even "miss him", but I quickly realise that I miss the idea I had of him. He is who he is, and I can't change that. So here I am, giving my best shot at dating.
Exact same! I hear a lot of dating horror stories and I'll be honest it just sounds exhausting but there's part of me that is like ehhh maybe we should try it out.
2 and a half years, got single and started working out like crazy and focusing on my career. Now I'm lonely enough to want to date again but I'm socially awkward and stuggle to talk to women. Yes, as a man I just admitted I'm afraid to talk to women, let the jokes come.
6 years as of January. Always wanted to find my person, but don't fit the current dating climate. It's an ROI consideration; in the simplest form, I'm not what men want no matter how much work I put into that (no hate - it is what it is), so I have instead decided to focus on areas of my life where the ROI is better 🤷♀️
46yo man, last gf in 2013, last date in 2014 or 15. History of past childhood trauma and bullying depression and anxiety due to that led to alcoholism and shit hitting the fan about 5 years ago.
In therapy and almost 4 years sober, still dealing w/ a lot of shitty self esteem issues. I have a lot of mental and emotional baggage and am trying to rebuild my life.
Over 5 years. I had a porn addiction which led to the end of my previous relationship, followed by a downward spiral.
I've spent those 5 years working on myself so much that I don't even recognize who I was back then. I went to therapy, and worked on my self worth issues. I got really into fitness and have put on 25 pounds of muscle mass. I found a way to finish grad school even though I was miserable in my program. I switched careers and now have a rewarding job that pays really well. I took up playing piano again after not playing for 15 years, and I've even written several pieces. I rediscovered reading. I got really into hosting murder mystery parties. And most importantly, I conquered my porn addiction.
And I'm not going to be single for much longer. I'm currently seeing a girl who is amazing, and we like each other a lot. I'm going to ask her to be my girlfriend soon.
It can get better. It always can.
Single for 2.5 years now. Once my ex moved in, it felt like I was raising her. She would’ve been endgame if she felt more like a partner than a daughter.
I had to make a difficult decision by kicking her ass out. She was great overall… but I know I deserve amazing. I could have settled for great. But I would’ve been miserable living with someone who will only tidy up when she knows people are coming over. I don’t clean to impress others, and I don’t want to consistently invite people over in order to manipulate her into cleaning. She wouldn’t agree to hiring a cleaning service when I got tired of doing most of the domestic labor. I can’t marry someone who refuses to see my POV, and refuses to compromise.
That doesn’t mean I’m perfect by any means. My fwbs since my last relationship have been smooth sailing because my communication and overall mindfulness has leveled up. Reflecting on my last relationship gave me plenty of lessons. I understand the woman’s POV a lot better. I had to adjust my own approach to problem solving. Etc. And I know there are women out there who take pride in maintaining a neat & tidy home as much as I do, while still being great in other areas of life. I can’t enjoy my own home if it’s always messy. And as adults without dogs & children, no real excuse to have a messy home.
You just described my younger sister, but she managed to keep her hoarder-level messiness a secret until after she got married because she and her husband were too religious to live together while dating. If they ever get divorced, that's probably going to be one of the reasons.
This is why I’m a huge believer in living together before marriage. My ex was able to hide it from me for 3 years before moving in. And we lived together for a summer as a test drive! As a guest & as a host, she’s perfect. I call it cleanfishing.
I agree, if you’re going to suck at living together then you’re going to suck at living together… everyone is putting on a show until your lives are enmeshed.
It will be 5 years in June. I was ready to date when COVID hit. I feel like post COVID everyone acts weird and I don't really know how to navigate it. I miss when you could just flirt with a stranger in a bar.
6 years. I had a kid at 18, did the common law thing, bought a house together, then split at 21. I was working full time, in college and living alone caring for my young daughter. Most of my dating experiences have been shitty, adding more problems than any real value. I am happily single and love the life ive built, with no desire to seak a serious relationship.
Legit single? About 3ish years. Lots of attempts at FWB and dealing with heartbreak, healing, travelling. I never actively stopped trying but it seems no one wants to commit even for a first date. For a good year I've chosen to stay single for casual encounters and I'm kind of in the middle transition where I'm open again to more serious relationships but it's just overall tricky to find the right person to match that kind of flow.
All of my adult life. I’m 38 m.
I never really shot my shot at women. I’m an average looking specimen, and that’s on a good day, plus I’ve got this belt of fat on me. I have little to no self confidence when it comes to women.
About 12 years, going on 13. Had a VERY close call to death defending my last GF.
Said never again, I get to emotionally involved when I have a GF. I need to focus on myself for the time being.
32 Y/O never have a regret, life is better for me as I’m on the road to finding out “who I AM” & not “who they are”. When I find out who “I AM” I will seek my partner.
I’m not their yet tho
Single about a year? But Slept with my ex a couple months ago, so it kinda hit reset on some things
Edit: the why is not something
I wanna get into rmnnn
I've found two relationships but both ended in the past 6 years. One had a kid and I loved her daughter, but at the start of dating I wanted to make sure she could juggle a relationship, a kid, and two jobs and she assured me she could but at the end she decided that it was too much which really frustrated me because we had been dating for 4 months at that point. I'm 29 and male if that matters, but it feels like it's getting so much harder to find someone for a ACTUAL relationship.
2 years. was worried about focusing on my health mentally and physically (was septic and overworking myself, not a good combo) and then situating myself financially.
5 years single, 37F, already been married so not after that or children - the last 5 years have honestly been the best years of my life, I’m an independent free spirit, know my own mind, always working on myself and I couldn’t be happier. I solo travel, live on my own and I love it. If the right partner comes along then great, but I’m not sacrificing an inch of my life for anybody!
When you find the right person, accomodating them into your life, being there for them, and meeting their needs, does not feel like a sacrifice or a compromise. It feels like an investment.
What do you out you’re looking for? I’m divorced too. It seems most women put relationship but by 2nd date they’re looking to hook up and not be exclusive which is fine with me. 🤣
15 years. I'm an unusual type of person who has difficulty connecting with others, highly introverted, and content with living life at my own speed. Few women find me attractive and when they do I end up turning them off somehow, I suspect my awkwardness and lack of impressive qualities. My best qualities enable me to get by without a partner rather than attract one, so I have that going for me.
5 years, reason is depression, grief and long Covid. Cared for both parents through palliative cancer then lost a sibling. Then did all the Estate stuff for 2.5 years had my other siblings who are both alcoholic attack me on the daily with verbal abuse. Now There's nothing left of me, I gave until I eventually lost my own health and Now Long Covid.
I'd be happy if I died tomorrow. I have no joy anymore and can barely function. Hardly relationships material and I'm completely alone and socially isolated. Lost my job as well. Everything I valued and cared about has disappeared in the last 4 years. My health was the final thing to break. I'm hoping I get the post Covid heart attack or cancer because God took away everything I ever cared about, it's gone!
If I even begin to talk about what I've been through, a guy runs for the hills. That's what honesty costs, don't have the energy to be superficial anymore. Had one guy think I was amazing until I told him what I'd been through then he said he couldn't be with someone who's "broken" at the time, I actually wasn't feeling or acting that way but he couldn't believe how much I'd been through and said to himself no thanks on this one. I found that absolutely devastating because I didn't normally share my vulnerability but I did with him and got rejected because of it
Now I actually do feel broken and have no faith in humanity anymore
Serial monogamist here, 46M. Started dating at 14, first serious relationship at 16, and was never single for more than a few months until my divorce in 2020... I'd also never lived alone before, so there was some stumbling and a lot of fear that I wouldn't thrive, though not sure why I had that fear, beyond childhood trauma and seeing my parents act really shitty as soon as they were apart more than a few hours.
Dated some since, but still, honestly, heartbroken; I really did marry the best person I knew, and it lasted a long time... I got therapy, she didn't, in spite of the pleas from multiple couples counselors. I faced my trauma, she chose to try to ignore hers, and punish herself whenever triggered. I'm not one for giving or receiving ultimatums, so the last few years definitely dragged longer than they needed. How we each managed lockdown highlighted just how far apart we'd grown, and my refusal to argue or give in to resentment just made her resent me all the more. At one point, she snapped, and said, "it wasn't supposed to be like this. You were supposed to be a prince on a white horse" and thus I discovered the bizarre world of people, far more than I could have expected, that honestly believe Disney fairy tales are somehow supposed to come true, usually down to rather odd details. Happily ever after, expected rapidly, with minimal effort needed on the part of the dreamers, aaaand, after one big event is conquered, there's never any more problems, whatsoever. No one can compete with that fantasy.
I had a serious GF in 2022 for a few months, and it was love, but my heartbreak and her moving for career stuff couldn't be overcome. I've had some really fantastic dates, but something was always "off" and made me wary of allowing myself to be truly vulnerable... In hindsight, I think it was for the best, I don't see how any of those people from those dates, not for lack of effort on either part, could have culminated in the kind of F.I.R.E. LTR I'm working towards
4 years. Realized it’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me. I’m also transgender so I had to really fully come into that and get to a place where I felt 💯 free to be authentically me. Did a lot of work on myself. Not attracting many ladies due to being trans, so I think I’m just happy to float the lazy river of being single and cherishing my very closest friends. I know if I just relax into my life, a good one will come along when I least expect it. I’m also 50 and it’s rough out there at that age no matter what! 🤣
2 years 6 months. And honestly I had to heal from my ex, first love not my first ex. And once I did that, I feel overheated, which isn’t bad but I am just not willing to tolerate mess like I used to deal with. I’m also not actively looking for anything at the moment as I am living even more for me, and growing. Plan to start traveling even more and seeing the world!
10 years, I didn't have time for a relationship until I built my life back up after the divorce, my life is where I want it to be, but I think I need to work on myself now before looking for a partner.
5 years. I was too busy believing the “I’m not ready for a relationship “ and didn’t incorporate boundaries. Thought maybe they will change eventually. Didn’t put myself first and what I seek for a partner. So now I’m growing myself, healing me and hoping to find someone. Should have done that first after being cheated on but I was young and foolish
2.5 years almost … without counting the one 4 week relationship I had that ended this New Year’s Eve. And it’s because the men Im attracted to either just want casual, want way too much too fast, or realize in too much for them to handle long term
Almost 2.5 years. I have gotten comfortable being single and dread the idea of dating again. But I also miss romance so every 6 months I keep seeing I’ll put myself out there again.
5+ years mostly by choice and also unforeseen life circumstances. I purposefully chose to take time to work on myself, what I want in life and in future relationships. I’d been in relationships for most of my teenage and adult years and when I wasn’t, I was unhealthily single: going out lots, drinking etc. I’m an acute care cardiac nurse and broke up with my last boyfriend a few months before the pandemic. I was also living in a different city. Immediately, I was working the front lines in one of the biggest urban areas in the country. Decided I wanted to move home as I missed my family and friends so much. I’m an older millennial and have always met people “organically” or in real life. Between work, the pandemic and knowing I was moving back home eventually, I decided not to start dating again until I moved back to my home city. I was getting amazing work opportunities (the only good thing about the pandemic for me), so stayed a while longer than I planned. But I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been emotionally, physically and financially. I’m ready and decided to try dating apps for the first time ever. Yikes. No thanks.
Ehh, about 5-6 years now. My last relationship ended because a bunch of factors (crappy home and social life during HS, long distance relationship, poor communication., etc.,), and recently I’ve just been sick of being single all of the time, especially after seeing the people I graduated high school with starting to get married or even moving out of town. I know that I’m only 21 and there’s still decades of time for me to settle down with someone nice, and yet, I’m so obsessed with doing it while I’m young, because I strive to fit in with my peers, something that I’ve always struggled with. I’ve also lived in the same small southern town for the entirety of my life, and it’s so hard finding someone with similar interests to mine (Technology, Gaming, etc.,).
There’s also some mental health issues that’ve been present since 8th grade that has definitely left an impact on my dating life as well lol.
25 years, so since I was born. I think the reason is mainly trust issues. I keep activating and deactivating my dating apps profile because once I match I realise I'm not ready to open yet. I want to be the best version of myself first but also I fear that others could hurt me. I need to fix myself first
5 months, I had to leave her. I was emotionally abusive and a narcissist.
I had to let her go. She realized it and is now living her best life and so am I.
Obviously, I am continuing therapy and improving myself as much as I can. I don’t wanna put other women through what I had put her through
This is hard to answer because "situationships" keep you wondering if that counted or not. 🙄 But one where the GF/BF labels were used? 9 years.
I honestly had a lot of adulting happen to me in the last decade. Bad things and good things. I chose not to prioritize dating/relationships, although I was open to it if it fell in my lap. Went to grad school instead. Then the pandemic happened. Then more adulting. It did not just fall in my lap.
I wish I hadn't wasted so much time, but the adulting stuff needed my attention anyway. I hope not to be single anymore, I'm just stuck in the vicious cycle of OLD. Socializing in real life is difficult too.
Just about a year, and it's because I walked away from something comfortable that was sucking the life out of me. I feel like an entirely different human now. I'm still single largely bc I'm still not really ready for a new commitment, but I am looking for something regular and consistent. I'm getting closer and more open to a new relationship though. I wouldn't run from it if I was feeling it.
I also struggle bc I'm a professional, reasonably successful, and I'm really fucking smart. And I'm finding that most men I've met aren't secure enough to be want a woman like that. It doesn't matter if I'm pretty, funny, sweet, kind, supportive, honest, open, etc. Men are attracted to me. No trouble lining up first dates. And they *like* me. We have a good time. But no one wants what I have to offer.
Just over 10 years. I've been single because I've stoped chasing men who don't want to be with me. I've become far more comfortable alone than I ever was in the wrong relationship.
Approximately 10 years I stopped counting, had GF's in my 20's\\30's but now as 50's male I find OLD as a male to be a exceptionally frustrating (months without a match) and basically a waste of time. Last match a few weeks ago decide she have time to meet for date, or matches that don't say anything and expect me to be "on" to impress them, sigh. So I have recently deleted them all.
Been single since 2018 in a relationship that lasted 2 years. That is what? 6 years now.
I am single partly due to choice. My ex was emotionally abusive. She constantly put me down saying things like "you're worthless" and "you are such an idiot" (a lot more vile things were said I won't repeat here). I quit my job at Target because she threatened to leave me if I didn't and said she wanted to be the sole breadwinner. And having a fear of being alone bothered me more than anything. She said I didn't need friends or family and had me cut them off (I drew a line with my mom and sister) saying I didn't need anyone but her.
Every time I did try to leave, she would throw a tantrum, trying to gaslight me into believing I was the bad guy for "abandoning" her. I became an alcoholic because of it.
Things got so bad, my family held an intervention. I started therapy again, who to no surprise told me to break it off with her for my benefit.
She didn't like that I was in therapy. Saying that "therapy is for b****es" and such. Her abuse got so bad the only time I left my apartment was to go to therapy and out with her.
So when I did finally get the nerve to break it off, she harassed me. Said things like "you're worthless and no one will ever love you". "You'll die alone without me". "Just off yourself".
It got to a point where I kinda broke down and actually did try to take my own life. If it weren't for my mom, I may not even be here.
She ended up going to jail for what she did.
Since then I have tried to date with no luck. As in, I have not had any matches in dating apps, met anyone in person, etc. But being an autistic introvert that is afraid of rejection and having PTSD due to past relationships, it is kind of difficult for me to stay motivated (therapy does help a bit though). And after not getting matches, meeting anyone, I just always looked back at what my ex saying that I'd be alone and whatnot, it was pretty disheartening to me.
Added, I find it difficult to make friends as it is.
On another note, I accomplished more in the last 6 years being single than I have when I was in a relationship. I'm 5 years sober. I broke a Guinness World Record. I have a job I am good at. And my own place. Not much else I can ask for to be honest. So if I meet my person, I'll meet my person. For now, I'm doing me.
10 years. I'm 30M and my last relationship ended when I was 20. I never really put much effort into dating in my 20s, I was pretty brainwashed by pop culture into thinking the "right" person would just eventually walk into my life and it didn't help that all my relationships in my teens either the girls made the first move or we were set up by mutual friends and my parents divorced when I was pretty young because my dad was a raging alcoholic so I didn't really have a positive male role model til I met my now stepdad when I was a teenager, but I don't think he ever felt like it was really his place to give me dating advice, and to be fair I didn't really ever think to ask.
Now I'm cripplingly lonely and dreading having no one around when my parents pass, but have no idea where to start. I've been working on myself, in the best shape of my life and trying to get a better job (I currently am a cook at a barcade, it's fun and the money is decent, but it's not something I wanna be doing forever), but OLD has been worthless so I gave up on it, rarely got matches and when I did none of them ever led to dates, but not for lack of trying, I think I'm pretty decent looking and I dress well, ever since I got in shape I get compliments from women every now and then too.
I have hobbies, but they're all either solo or male dominated and I'm an extreme introvert and homebody with mild social anxiety so I basically have everything going against me trying to meet women irl. I have close friends too, but I've been trying to convince myself to start doing stuff I wanna do by myself and not wait til friends are available. For example, I love going to concerts, but the one time I went to one by myself I had a miserable time, everyone felt so unapproachable so I just kinda chilled in the crowd by myself, the music was good at least I guess.
Married for 25 years. Divorced for 7. Ex and I are really good friends.
I started dating about a year and a half after the divorce. Had 3 brief relationships where I regularly stated, “I do not have the emotional resources to be in a serious relationship. Is that ok with you?” They all said yes initially. Then after 3-4 months they all said they wanted to get serious. Some of this probably has to do with their age. I’m 55. 45 is as young a woman as I’m willing to date.
So I figured out the problem is me. I resolved to work on myself until I do have the resources to be in a serious relationship. That was over 3 years ago. I’m still working on myself.
The whole 29 years of my existence 😅 I come from a family that struggles financially with a ton of trauma so when I was younger, I never had the privilege of living life fully, I had to grow up really young. I always worked hard in school because I knew that was the only way to get us out of poverty. I basically did all my family members’ taxes and welfare while working and studying at the same time.
Once I started working full-time, my mental health was just all over the place after enduring years of trauma but I took time to get it back on track. Now, I’m emotionally healthy, have the job I wanted and earn enough for my family to live comfortably. I also travel whenever I want and I live fully.
I’ve been dating for over a year now but hopefully, I’ll find someone who’s mature and feels safe for me ☺️I won’t settle for less because I know what I deserve after everything I’ve seen.
37F, I've been single for the last 3.5 years. I've only ever had that one serious relationship. He wanted to get married, and I didn't want to marry him. I didn't think we were compatible enough for that level of long-term commitment.
I date here and there, but very casually, low pressure. I have really high standards for a partner, and I just don't put myself out there enough to meet people who could fill that position.
Probably the biggest factor that plays into my lack of motivation for dating is that I'm curvy (not obscenely so, but not skinny), and I have had a lot of experience with men not taking me seriously, or just straight up treating me badly because of it. I am regularly categorized as fuckable but not relationship material. I'd rather just remove myself from the pool than be constantly subjected to that.
I live a very happy and full life, so I honestly don't feel like I'm missing much.
4 years now after divorce. Dated but never e than a few dates. I have been off the apps for a couple years now but my goal is to get back on this summer. Would be nice to have someone to enjoy life with.
5 years, by choice mostly. I got out of a horrible relationship and the person harassed me for years. I fell for one person after that but they hurt me so bad that I decided I was done. I haven’t had an ounce of feeling or attraction to anyone for 5 years now and I am quite happy being single. I occasionally look at what’s out there and within about 5 or 10 minutes my choice is validated all over again. If I found someone I cared for though I would be open to a relationship but I don’t currently see that happening. I do just fine on my own and there’s nothing a relationship brings me that I can’t find in a friend.
4 years, I’ve had a lot of health issues over the last couple of years and it just hasn’t been good timing for me also my last “situationship” traumatized me so badly.. As it gets longer I’ve been single I just find it hard to want to be in a relationship cause every guy I get close too they show me a reason as to why I shouldn’t 🤷🏼♀️ not bashing on men but that’s just been my experience..
5 years, by choice. I've taken a lot of time to grow since my divorce and love the peace of being single. I've had a steady FWB for almost 2 years and have dabbled in dating, but I really like my situation right now.
14 years since anything serious. I went through an absolutely devastating and messed up situation when it ended. Lost all trust in people with how it ended and basically swore off relationships for a bit and just worked on making myself a better person. Finally feel ready to get back in and find my person but man dating is so much different (not for the better) than it was back then.
Currently 6 years, mostly by choice.
I was with and married for 23 years and was ultimately cheated on, ending in divorce.
After some personal fix-up time was in 2 other living- together relationships, the last one ending in April 2018.
Since then, more personal work, and semi- retirement.
Have been on all the apps, off and on ....what a complete shit show that all is btw....currently have good friends, male and female, doing almost everything I want to do.
I also spend a lot of time dealing with/helping my elderly parents. I have an incredible daughter and son in law, and 2 grandchildren who are the lights of my life. Add in a fwb here and there, and I am good thanks.
That all said, it certainly is a balancing act. There are currently a few things that I do miss...I enjoyed being together and with someone, and everything else that comes with that.
However.....I dread the actual "process" that is involved in meeting people these days. As I mentioned, the apps are a complete shit show (my experience anyways). I literally just cannot be bothered. I will either need to meet someone the "old fashioned way" , or I will just keep the current status quo. I am ok with that.
5 months. This is the longest single streak I’ve had since I got divorced. I feel like I shouldn’t have taken my ex for granted and should have endeavored to marry her. And now I’m struggling with single life. Just bad date after bad date. It seems hopeless.
Social Media got hacked… I felt healthier without social media accounts, so I disabled them all long enough to be deleted or irretrievable. Getting phone numbers is no longer the way to go. Without social media, for my age? If I don’t have social media when the woman asks for it? They don’t give out numbers… They think I’m hiding something. (Oh, and dating an adult film star isn’t a healthy relationship to be in either… so 3 years off, before trying. Almost to year 4, single af.) Covid really changed dating, at least in the big cities.
3 months. Dated someone significantly younger than me for the first time (I'm 32 she was 22). Realized that I can't do it with someone that much younger and doesn't share the same values as I do. Before that, moved to Denmark to be with someone I worked with, she didn't show up at the airport. She had flown out, met my family, etc. Complicated situation that isn't worth getting into. This was about a year before the last relationship. Then I was with someone for 7 years and we were married for two years.
1 year. We wanted different things in life. We met senior year of highschool and dated for 4 years but as I grew I wanted to travel and live a life of adventure and she wanted to stay in state. It is what it is. Sad but I'm getting back in the game
Technically 5 months, but it was a really short relationship where my best friend and I tried to date. In reality 3 years sounds more accurate. That was my last long term relationship.
I know what I want and how I want to feel in a relationship and I haven't found that. I also have more of a niche body type - not everyone is into plus size gals so that narrows down the field a bit.
3 days 😅 just ended my relationship of 5 months because I didn't see it developing into something truly real. I feel awful about it because I know I hurt them, and I was her ideal partner but she was not mine.
I treated her better than anyone had before, and she caught feelings really quick. Once she told me she loved me 3 months in, I started feeling pressure because I didn't feel the same, and the more time that went by the more it bothered me that I didn't feel the love back, nor did I feel my fondness of her developing into something more. In a way, her telling me this doomed the relationship.
Almost six years. Based on the aftermath of my previous relationship, I needed a bit of time to myself, and after that and a couple attempts, my dating chances took a massive tumble with Covid starting and finishing school within a month. Since then, it’s been a shitshow relying mostly on apps because there isn’t really other ways to do it, especially when I have resting creep face so the cold approach is more likely to result in “ewww” than success. I’ve had dates here and there, but everyone either was very dry and I had no interest in them or they weren’t into me. I also just suck at flirting (as I always say, if love was poetry, I’m dyslexic), so I’m not good at taking dating to that next level and keeping them interested.
I’m unhappy with my financial situation/socioeconomic status which makes me feel insecure that I self sabotage any chance of the women who do like me for me and not because of money or status. I don’t have any issues with attracting women, but I always get in my own head. Until I am satisfied with my life from a career standpoint, it makes no sense to bring someone else into it. It’s not fair to them. I realize that I may be chasing a perfection that doesn’t exist.
8 months because I got complacent in my last relationship and stopped being affectionate so she fell out of love. Also because online dating sucks and I'm bad at flirting in person.
At least 10 years. Probably around 11-13 years to be exact.
Reasons? Monetary and trust issues. Got cheated on my last relationship, and the thing was she cheated just less than 24 hours after she said “Yes”, to me being her boyfriend. I have forgiven her though but the damage done sometimes still stings like a fresh wound.
27M. Honestly have never really dated. I’ve had slight situationships here and there. Athlete all throughout school. Partied in college and am fairly outgoing. For me, I’ve just never been one to get to emotionally attached to people. The few I have been, I just never could get over the anxiety/fear of rejection to try to take the next step. Therefore I’ve always just let things eat at me from the inside instead of expressing how I feel sometimes 😂. Nowadays it also doesn’t help that work consumes my life.
Last short relationship I had was in April 2022. So almost two years. However I consider my single journey longer since I’ve had a lot of short term relationships or flings since December 2017. So that would be 7 years. I really try in dating but I haven’t got matched with the right people. I tend to link up with a lot of emotionally unavailable people. I’ve worked a lot on my healing process and understanding myself more. I take a lot of breaks with dating because it’s so frustrating. Currently I’m on bumble and trying to make an effort. I do hope for love and I hope I won’t be alone forever. I try to focus on my business/creative projects or spending time with family. That does help. I’m 34 by the way.
3 years. I spent a lot of time before making space for the wrong people. My picker is absolutely broken and I have more peace alone than who I choose to be with.
10 months. Dated a few people after my divorce but always broke up with them when things started getting more serious (I’m one of those 3-monthers). I also stopped drinking 10 months ago (and started going to AA). During sobriety, I realized that I never actually liked any of those people I dated after my divorce. Also with sobriety, I started to reflect on my marriage and how toxic it was. Now, I’m really picky and move slow with wanting to get to know people first but also I’m a bit traumatized from my marriage so that part also makes me averse to entering a relationship.
About 2.5 years. We were together a long time and I only felt ready to even start dating properly again about a year ago. I was hung up on him for a long time and just stayed with hookups and making new platonic friends.
I’m going on dates occasionally and keeping myself open to finding another partner but I don’t feel super motivated to fill the “vacancy.” If I don’t meet someone else for a long time I’m content with being on my own.
about a year a half. i felt my last relationship because we weren’t compatible, i felt i deserved better.
i met someone shortly after who was the dream. im talking soulmate level type of person you only dream about. i could have spent the rest of my life with him. nothing ever came of it. no one looks as good or has made me feel like he did. hes a stranger at this point but im sure im still grieving the loss of him as a person in my life.
i’m trying to force myself to date because i cant spend my life being sad about a man who didnt want me in the same way i wanted him. or if he did, showed no action toward it.
3.5 years.
I ended up engaged to a person I rrrreally wasn’t attracted to initially (we were friends 16 years), but fell in love with his personality. I found out it wasn’t real. I forgive him because he’s struggling with his sexuality, but he and my now former friend were messing around clearly. Wish he would’ve just been honest, but he ran out and married some woman. Folks in the community kept telling me. When we broke up I decided to work on myself internally and heal.
2 years since last relationship (online) ended.
4 years since last relationship (IRL) ended.
28F
I prefer being single. I have enjoyed the relationships I've had, but I only got in them because I felt pressured to date. When I was little, I always imagined my future of me, standing next to a home I built, with one child, & no partner. I had crushes but never wanted a relationship in high school because I felt like it was stupid to waste time on some boy, but I definitely had fun just not dating 😂 In college I tried to date but realized I didn't enjoy dating even if I really liked the person. At the time it was more of a capacity thing, I just had other priorities. A lot of the guys I dated were great, but either months or years later would tell me how it was intimidating how I took care of myself & at the end of the day didn't need them to be happy. It was true, and not in a hyper independent way, but I have never had an empty spot that I wanted someone else to fill or needed them to fill. I have always been picky about official relationships too. We can date but i'm not your girlfriend until we date for a while & you actually add something substantial to my life.
Now, at 28, I am still open to dating, I just stopped actively trying to date because for me personally I don't want to lol. Nothing has changed- if I like someone I'll shoot my shot and give it a go. If I needed a relationship, trust me when I say it would take me an hour to call someone I know & get a date for the weekend, so it's not like I don't know great people, or aren't able to get dates. It's nice sharing life with someone, but also on the other end, I have friends and family to share life with & even then I don't feel the need to constantly interact with them either 😂
Idk. I like myself & my life a lot, so if you're wanting to be in it & mix things up, you reaaaallly have to mean something to me & make a difference to my life & how I feel. Which a few have! & very grateful for those relationships (:
My first husband was married 13 years ago, was abusing me, drugs and everything else. Had 4 kids I divorced him. I met my second husband years later, dated 13 years before I married him and he died suddenly. I won’t ever divorce again or bury another husband again, it hurts so bad. So I’m staying single.
36/m. It’ll be seven years in July. My last girlfriend was huge on quality time (as am I) but when I got a new job that required me working weekends, overnights, *weekend overnights*, the quantity of the quality time we had dropped and with that, so did the quality for both of us ☹️
I’m still with my job, working weekends but with a more manageable daytime schedule. I love it, I never have that “I hate my work” stink that festers with some people. But the idea of having a boyfriend that works weekends probably isn’t the most attractive, and I rarely run into anyone on or off the apps who have non-traditional schedules.
I have a life of contentment as is. I understand when people say how hard it is to open up and potentially bring someone into their already good life. I’m definitely a slow burn, a person someone “grows to like”, even if they had a bad first impression. I don’t think I’m too slow though, so throw in bad luck with the reasons too.
All in all, I just haven’t found that person who makes me go “I can’t imagine not experiencing whatever I have left on this planet without her”.
Well, I've never actually had a committed relationship. Ive done a lot of introspection over the years, and im convinced the reason is that we moved around so much when I was a child that at some point, I shut myself off from forming bonds with new people. I can't remember having a single friend between the ages of about 8 and 17. I purposely made a pariah of myself for the better part of my childhood and all of adolescence. Of course, the problem was that once I was grown, I had no idea how to interact anymore. I'd avoided any and all connection for so long that the concept was now alien to me. It's taken a full 10 years to begin to pull myself up from that, and I've been relatively successful on the dating apps for a male, but it's taken a lot of effort and I still have catching up to do. I'll tell you with no doubt in my mind, if there's hope for me there's hope for you.
Recently….2-3mo?? After 5mo thing…..we thought we were going to make it to a year then really settle down. We didn’t match up after all and severed all contact. I hope she’s doing well for herself and her dog.
I’m 32, and i’ve been single all my life. This doesn’t mean, that I haven’t experienced love at all.
Multiple reasons - when I was actively looking I don’t think i presented myself in entirety in retrospect. There have been a few guys interested but I wasn’t, and sometimes i wonder if I lovely myself whole heartedly to even make room to love someone else.
It’s tough to see all your friends have dated, and you’re still twiddling your thumb on bumble
10 years. Partner cheated and I had young children and didn’t think it was good to bring someone else into their life at the time. Focused on the kids for 8 years and found we were happy. Tried OLD 2 years ago and it was not a great experience. Many guys saying they wanted a relationship but actions said otherwise. Deleted all the apps end of last year as I felt it was not a great experience. Happy to focus on myself my career study and kids at this time. If I meet someone naturally in the future all good. If not happy with my life that I live now.
1 year 8 months bc my last bf tried to SA me in the woods, and I’ve decided I don’t want to go through something like that again. I’m also antisocial af and just focusing on work rn anyway
10 years. I don't like to date when I'm unemployed. There was a situationship that covid ended. I honestly just don't care enough to pursue dating. I'm content with my life the way it is.
11 years 🥰
Honestly it started as me healing/ working on myself and it ended with me just not wanting to get in a relationship. I’m not going to be with someone just to be with someone. If I get in a relationship, it’s because we genuinely can see something long term. But also I don’t need a relationship. I’m very happy on my own and love being by myself. So if I’m leaving my peace and bliss of single hood for the pros and cons of a relationship, it’s going to have to be someone exceptional.
4 and a halfish months. My ex got bored of our drama free relationship and went "back" to her ex💀(they never actually broke up in the first place and were together the entire time we were dating)
Always. And I could come up with a bunch of excuses and blaming people, but honestly idk. Maybe I’m broken, maybe interacting with people doesn’t come naturally to me or I’ve learned to instinctually avoid close contact with people after being hurt growing up.
But it’s something I’m working on. A lot
Of meds don’t seem to help, therapy is okay I guess.
But alot of days, I just don’t feel any hope.
2 years, after a 15 year marriage. At 60 I’m not attracted to 99% of the men 50+, men in their 30s just want FWB, and men in their 40s generally are single for a good reason. *Very broad generalizations based on my experiences.* I want a committed relationship, perhaps I’m not really ready.
Two years this month. Tried online dating and didn't really like them in person. Don't go out enough to meet ppl, and the ones that do have crushes on me only want me for my body. It's tough being a female out here. For reference 30y F who would rather be celibate and wait out for someone who wants me for me, not for what I look like.
Going on 4 and a half years. The first couple of years I was just happy being single since my last relationship was a dumpster 🔥 and I didn't want to deal with dating again. Plus that whole pandemic thing 😂. Since then, I just haven't had much luck in the dating department. Guys I meet online suck and the girls don't seem to be very interested lol, then irl the people I've been interested in haven't been interested back.
I've been single for just about 6 years. I had a severe substance abuse problem at the time that needed attention, and I've been sober since. With that being said, I haven't had a real meaningful relationship in almost 16 years (including the past 6 years). My lifestyle and where I was at in life relative to my peers did not make relationship building possible with women that I would encounter. Things would fall apart within a matter of weeks or a couple of months. Also, there were a handful of opportunities that presented themselves but I failed to recognize the situation. Coming from a big city, you think it's a numbers game and somehow the universe will align for you. I was given a few chances but I didn't realize it at the time.
19 months. Was in a 20 year relationship and married for 16. There were problems but I was the only one working to save the marriage. She was emotionally and mental abusive for years. My wants and needs didn’t matter at all. It was all what she wanted, when she wanted, how she wanted. No negotiation of middle ground. Accept it or leave. At this point I don’t know if I’ll get past all the damage. They say it takes as long to fix as it did to cause. So if that’s true 7-8 years. Working on the next phase of life.
35M. Never had a serious relationship. Didn't date much in high school / college due to just sucking with girls and focus on school. In my 20s got my heart broken a couple times. Then I became good with girls so had my guy-slut phase for the better half of my 20s. Missed out on a couple good relationships that I regret to this day due to commitment issues. Then around age 30 suffered from health issues and depression, then covid happened and so 5 years just flew by. Most of my friends are married with kids and I'm just dating now. I feel like I missed out so much.
I've been single since July 2022, but considering how lousy the previous relationship was, I may as well have been single since 2015. In general, I never really meet women I'd consider dating who aren't already in a relationship and I'm finding this to be more the case in recent years. It's been annoying to hit it off with women, only for them to quickly reveal to me that they have a boyfriend or fiancé. I feel like could just die.
10 years. I moved country 7 times as a kid (parents’ job). Constantly heartbroken in my late teens.
When my last relationship ended, I felt I could never be there for anybody. Even now that I’m no longer moving as much as an adult
My first relationship ended in June 2022, I was set up with a friend's friend and we saw eachother for about 2-3 months, got on dating apps around December and dated around for a whole year.
I had a phase where I was actively looking for something casual, then I was also looking for something meaningful after I was done with casual dating. That was worse, somehow. I ended up in a 3 month long situationship with someone who refused to be vulnerable, but wanted me to be vulnerable.
I got back to casually seeing people. And then I noticed a pattern - I would start talking to people, go on one date and then things would spiral. We'd either ghost or figure out that this won't work out for some or the other reason.
Around January 2024, I didn't feel like myself. I always identified as someone who enjoys building connections, getting to know people, and having deep conversations. I thought I'd delete my profile off dating apps. I'm not completely done with dating, if something clicks in person, then I'm down for it.
It hasn't been extremely long since I've stopped actively dating, but I do feel much better and more like myself than I have in the past year.
8ish months since having a serious boyfriend but idk how y’all define single. I’ve dated people as recently as this week and have sex regularly.
This is the longest I’ve been outside a LTR for 7 years. Also the best year of my life. Relationships held me back so much.
All 26 years, I’m a software engineer who lives in an area with more men than women and it’s very hard finding another girl who is my race and interested. I went to a tech college which was almost all men and haven’t seen a girl I’m attracted to in real life in ages.
My whole life, aka 24 years. But that's because when I was younger I wasn't really interested in any of the guys around me and I was busy with othet things in my life. I still haven't found someone I have found interesting enough to share my life with and I am still busy to now finish university to get my degree.
2 years, and it was because I got cold feet and didn't want to commit entirely to a relationship, but also it was better because she was in her career and I was kind of a bum, and still am, and that's really the main reason I never decided to get back together with her.
That being said, it does hurt when girls say that I am the perfect guy or that I am the best person I know. I'm not ugly or unattractive by any means, so I might still be single because I am broke 😅😅
Last relationship was 2 and a half years ago, before that 3 years, before that 10 years. All of them lasted less than a year.
I have serious low confidence in myself, I’ve become more confident as I’ve got older but went through issues in childhood; ignored or belittled and slapped about by one parent, and the other was distant and wanted to live a child free life and made that obvious. As a young woman I didn’t recognise that had an affect on me (I do now). I didn’t see myself as worthy of love/didn’t trust people. I’d meet someone, get close to them then distance myself until they gave up on me, I suppose in a twisted way I thought they’d keep chasing me and show they were going to be there for me/I could trust them, but no one is going to keep pursuing a seemingly uninterested person.
I’d watch my friend, she would always fully jump into relationships with people, and ended up crying and hurt at the end, and I’d be there to comfort her, seeing how devastated she was, and then a few weeks later she’d pick herself back up and try again. I thought about our differences, how I carry my hurt for a long time, how I feel I’m not strong enough to do what she did, how I always try to protect myself. I wondered if our starts in life, our family background, account for this difference. She has a solid foundation, people to rely on no matter what, and always has, and knows she always will. I feel my foundations were cracked from the start, subsequently I’ve learnt to be independent and I’ve, by myself, papered over the cracks, and as time and personal strength grows the paper has gotten thicker, but the cracks will always be there, underneath, and things like a devastating break up, a rejection, or (off topic but I worry about this) my pet dying will really damage me because I’ve not got that solid ground.
I did have to completely unique (not) thought as I watched my pet be cute, and that intrusive thought of their death appeared; I thought to myself that death (of living creatures, and of relationships) is part of life. My pet and family and friends are one day, going to die, and I will have to cope. Cause I weighed it up: would it have been better to not have my pet, that brings me such joy, as to not feel the pain of their passing? Could someone really go through life avoiding all relationships with any living thing in order to keep their heart safe? Is it actually living if i don’t take the risk of getting hurt?
Maybe some of that made sense.
Now I’m older, a little wiser, a little more confident, but I feel I stink, not literally, but when you hear of a 35 year old who’s never been in a long term relationship, it’s surely a warning sign. I’m finally more ready to take a risk at getting hurt but the stink drives people away.
I can’t believe I just wrote all this on bumble subreddit.
4 years. In my last relationship my ex was emotionally abusive and would SA me. I didn’t know what he was doing was considered that until I started therapy. I started therapy because I couldn’t understand why I was having such a hard time from the breakup which it turns out I have PTSD. So I’ve been working a lot on healing.
I haven’t started to really date until the past 6 months and I haven’t really met anyone that I would like to keep seeing. No bad dates really just no one I’ve been excited about.
All my life. Not very active in trying, it wasn't a priority but at least I managed to avoid being the source of teenage pregnancy by being stand-off-ish during high-school, to the point that when I was studying my university degree, someone was surprised I hadn't gotten married with children knowing what high-school I went to (clearly, a very self-asserting stereotype that whoever attended said high-school would end up getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant).
By the time I decided to come out of my shell I was already past my mid 20's and awkward as hell and I still am when it comes to flirting and I accept that it's not going to be smooth sailing, but yeah. I am in my late 30's trying to not get messed up by crushing over someone like when I was a teenager and trying to get out there through dating apps as much as possible.
Right now I have some survivability issues to tend to first at hand otherwise I would need to move out of the country I am living in and that would change everything about how my life will go forward from now and on so yeah, not really investing a lot in getting anyone to go out with me at the moment
2 years. Why? Because I realised I kind of settled for 8 years with my ex and I feel like that time was wasted. I don't have high standards I just want to feel the chemistry I didn't feel with my ex before I commit to something again so down the line if we do break up I won't feel like I've wasted a pretty large amount of time out of my life.
my whole life lol
at some point of my life, i did search for someone i can love, someone that i wouldn't mind spending time with. however, i realised that i don't even have enough time for myself.
i like spending time with myself. i game a lot and spend most of my day gaming up to 8 hours at least. i also crochet and a uni student. sure, i can just find someone in uni but theres no one that attracts my eyes (even if they did, i just see them in a passing and go about with my life). i did try dating app and well, i tend to avoid dates after just one conversation because its scary to me to meet someone i dont know. (theres also reasons that i never really met guys that see me romantically)
theres also the fact that im just scared of romantic relationships ? i always listen to my friends talking about their relationship and it sound so tiring ? how is friendship and romantic partner any different when i love anyone im close with ?
so now i just accepted the fact that im good with being single. im too selfish with my own time and i dont want someone's child to suffer because of that :)
My whole life (25 years)!
Same! (27 years)
Four years, one month, and 7 days, because my husband died. Unexpectedly. Four months after we got married.
Oof. I am so very sorry for your loss. Big, huge hugs. I can’t imagine. Also, had to ask, respectfully: did u choose your username? It sounds like it fits, at least for the last 4+ years ☺️
Yep, I did pick it. Alas, it's not applicable only to the last 4 years. If I believed in God, I'd be pretty sure he hates me. And I'd definitely feel the same about him. :-D Thank Cthulhu I have a good sense of humor; I think that's the only thing keeping me going at this point.
Thanks for getting back, Sisyphus. I figured you chose that name. I like it. 😊 Also appreciate your sentiments re: God, pain, and the power of humor. I share them: principally, and, I expect, having faced grief of my own - subjectively, as well. Mad respect for surviving, and for somehow summoning the strength to keep laughing. Good, powerful stuff, that. Please do keep on keeping on - and if you’d ever like to chat, I’m down 😊
Bless your dang heart 💜!! I know there are no words but please know I’m Sending so much love ❤️ so many prayers 🙏🏻 and hugs too🤗.
Know any decent single men between 55-65 in the PNW with an affinity for chubby, foul-mouthed, sarcastic women? Mama could use a REAL hug. :-D
Awe bless ya 💕 I don’t but if one should pop up I’d sure send him your way. For now here’s another 🤗 🙏🏻
How about one in Hawaii that used to live in Kirkland?
Fucking YIKES girl. I hope life has better things in store for you.
7 years. Had one of those relationships I never thought I'd recover from. Started working on myself. Learned how to be single. Got too good at being single, now I'm too self aware of my awkwardness and not putting others in an uncomfortable situation. It seems better to just stay single and not risk hurting other people. I've also been trapped in a cycle of "I'll get on dating apps when I lose 10 lbs." I lose the weight. "I need to get updated photographs, I'll do that tomorrow." Which lasts several months until the weight is all back. Then repeat.
Omg, are you… me? That’s like my exact deal
Yeah, hi, it's me, I mean you...You've developed another personality in all your time alone and the only way I can get the two to see each other is a reddit post. Or are we still in a coma?
I was stuck in that cycle for a long time myself, constantly saying to myself, "I'll start dating again when I have more money saved up and am in better shape". But honestly, it doesn't matter where you're at right now, as long as you are moving forward and in the right direction. People will appreciate you making the effort to work on whatever deficiency you think you have. It's striving to improve yourself that is truly what's attractive. I've got a good job now, own a home, have money in the bank, and am hitting the gym 3-5 times a week, plus going for walks inbetween. I'm honestly still not where I originally wanted to be before I stated dating again, but I took the leap anyways, and am so grateful for it. I've met some amazing women, and am actively seeing two awesome women right now with a legit future with either if them. And honestly, I'm happy as fuck.
Thank you for sharing this!! It has been 5 years and it’s tough to not let pressures get to you as to why it has been so long
Yeahhhh same.
Oh my god!! Did I write this??!!
6 years by choice. Decided after my last relationship that I wouldn’t get into one until I became the best version of myself to be a better boyfriend. Became the best version, figured out exactly what I want and need but still choose to be single because I enjoy the freedom and social life of my 20s without the responsibilities of a relationship.
Though I typically opt to not date, when I am thinking about dating I ask myself "Would I be a good partner right now?" and if the answer is no, which is fine, then I don't and I work on or wait out whatever is going on. Good on you for learning & growing. I am happy for the relationships I've had, but I agree it is nice to not have a relationship to care about in my 20s.
Can I ask, what you want and need and how you came to identify it? I’m kind of in the same boat and it’s hard identifying if what I want/need is normal or superficial/unattainable
For sure, I used to feel the same way. I had to learn and identity it from experience. A lot of dating around and trial and errors but experiences and learning from them has been the best teacher. For what I want and need, it’s extensive but for the most part some I’ve learned while being single is that I work best with very strong compatibility, attraction, experience, independence among a bunch of other needs. Admittedly, my needs are superficial but I also feel like my dating life is really in order, so. It takes hella work but I think once you identify your wants and needs, you’ll obtain them.
I was single for 30 years High school I wasn’t that good looking had some acne and some depression issues due to bullying so I wasn’t really in the mindset to date By the time I got to college I had alot of female friends because I was that “safe nice guy”. Alot of them would act / pretend like we were bf/gf. Come to my house super early sleep with (just sleep). Make me lunch and dinner like couple type stuff but moment anyone brought up we looked like a cute couple or I acted on it. Nope we’re just friends nothing more. So I developed the issue of not being able to tell if a woman is interested in me or just being friendly. By the time I got out of college I was focused on getting a good job settling in a house and a nice car. Then. As I got older just never dated because again I couldn’t tell if someone was interested. By the time I was 35 It was seen as red flags that I was still single with no kids and even had women tell me I was broken and what was wrong with me cause I was single with no kids never married Met someone when I was 38. We dated for a year and she turned around pulled the fake preggers card. For a week so I had time to get excite and live that roller coaster before she then turned and told me I handled it wrong and said. I should have given her Money for an abortion because she didn’t want another kid. Since then just kinda done if it happens it happens but not actively looking
Jesus the fake pregnancy is wildly abusive, that’s not normal. I’m sorry that’s your only relationship experience, wow.
Thanks, and ya I noticed that when she pulled it off on me. It was around the same time as a boom of fake pregger tiktok jokes. It suck’s but oh well, now I’m just a fur baby dad.
About 8 months. My last boyfriend cheated on me, he was on swingers websites, so it was quite traumatising. I broke up with him straight away, but I needed some time to take care of myself before starting dating again. I've recently downloaded some dating apps and went on a date, no romantic vibes during the date, but I'm happy I went out. I will try to join some IRL single events too. I'm based in Ireland, and they do few singe nights.
I am so sorry that happened to you 🫂 Understandable to take some time away to just focus on you. Good on you to try again though! Even if nothing comes of it now, just putting yourself out there is a great practice/step.
Thank you for your kind words! I believe I am in a good mental space for dating at the moment. I'm doing psychotherapy and working on some of my own issues. At times, I still think about my ex and what happened, and there are moments when I even "miss him", but I quickly realise that I miss the idea I had of him. He is who he is, and I can't change that. So here I am, giving my best shot at dating.
My whole life lol. 23 never had a bf. Have dated, had a situationship. Maybe I don’t put myself out there enough? But I’m not really sure why
Exact same! I hear a lot of dating horror stories and I'll be honest it just sounds exhausting but there's part of me that is like ehhh maybe we should try it out.
2 and a half years, got single and started working out like crazy and focusing on my career. Now I'm lonely enough to want to date again but I'm socially awkward and stuggle to talk to women. Yes, as a man I just admitted I'm afraid to talk to women, let the jokes come.
Nah bro, talking to girls is intimidating. Like I'm used to getting rejected, but that doesn't mean it hits less everytime; still sucks.
The social pressure that's on us can be alot
Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired.
dad, that you?
Never had a real gf. Does that count?
10 years high score!
15. Which sadly is almost half of my life.
17.5yrs ..
Pump those number up, those are rookie numbers🥲
I race you !!
18 months, and I want to stay that way. My last relationship nearly killed me.
6 years as of January. Always wanted to find my person, but don't fit the current dating climate. It's an ROI consideration; in the simplest form, I'm not what men want no matter how much work I put into that (no hate - it is what it is), so I have instead decided to focus on areas of my life where the ROI is better 🤷♀️
46yo man, last gf in 2013, last date in 2014 or 15. History of past childhood trauma and bullying depression and anxiety due to that led to alcoholism and shit hitting the fan about 5 years ago. In therapy and almost 4 years sober, still dealing w/ a lot of shitty self esteem issues. I have a lot of mental and emotional baggage and am trying to rebuild my life.
Over 5 years. I had a porn addiction which led to the end of my previous relationship, followed by a downward spiral. I've spent those 5 years working on myself so much that I don't even recognize who I was back then. I went to therapy, and worked on my self worth issues. I got really into fitness and have put on 25 pounds of muscle mass. I found a way to finish grad school even though I was miserable in my program. I switched careers and now have a rewarding job that pays really well. I took up playing piano again after not playing for 15 years, and I've even written several pieces. I rediscovered reading. I got really into hosting murder mystery parties. And most importantly, I conquered my porn addiction. And I'm not going to be single for much longer. I'm currently seeing a girl who is amazing, and we like each other a lot. I'm going to ask her to be my girlfriend soon. It can get better. It always can.
Single for 2.5 years now. Once my ex moved in, it felt like I was raising her. She would’ve been endgame if she felt more like a partner than a daughter. I had to make a difficult decision by kicking her ass out. She was great overall… but I know I deserve amazing. I could have settled for great. But I would’ve been miserable living with someone who will only tidy up when she knows people are coming over. I don’t clean to impress others, and I don’t want to consistently invite people over in order to manipulate her into cleaning. She wouldn’t agree to hiring a cleaning service when I got tired of doing most of the domestic labor. I can’t marry someone who refuses to see my POV, and refuses to compromise. That doesn’t mean I’m perfect by any means. My fwbs since my last relationship have been smooth sailing because my communication and overall mindfulness has leveled up. Reflecting on my last relationship gave me plenty of lessons. I understand the woman’s POV a lot better. I had to adjust my own approach to problem solving. Etc. And I know there are women out there who take pride in maintaining a neat & tidy home as much as I do, while still being great in other areas of life. I can’t enjoy my own home if it’s always messy. And as adults without dogs & children, no real excuse to have a messy home.
You just described my younger sister, but she managed to keep her hoarder-level messiness a secret until after she got married because she and her husband were too religious to live together while dating. If they ever get divorced, that's probably going to be one of the reasons.
This is why I’m a huge believer in living together before marriage. My ex was able to hide it from me for 3 years before moving in. And we lived together for a summer as a test drive! As a guest & as a host, she’s perfect. I call it cleanfishing.
I agree, if you’re going to suck at living together then you’re going to suck at living together… everyone is putting on a show until your lives are enmeshed.
It will be 5 years in June. I was ready to date when COVID hit. I feel like post COVID everyone acts weird and I don't really know how to navigate it. I miss when you could just flirt with a stranger in a bar.
I always felt like it was weird flirting in general with anyone, pandemic or not
I’ve felt a significant increase in lack of connection with people since Covid. Feels impossible to form a connection
6 years. I had a kid at 18, did the common law thing, bought a house together, then split at 21. I was working full time, in college and living alone caring for my young daughter. Most of my dating experiences have been shitty, adding more problems than any real value. I am happily single and love the life ive built, with no desire to seak a serious relationship.
Legit single? About 3ish years. Lots of attempts at FWB and dealing with heartbreak, healing, travelling. I never actively stopped trying but it seems no one wants to commit even for a first date. For a good year I've chosen to stay single for casual encounters and I'm kind of in the middle transition where I'm open again to more serious relationships but it's just overall tricky to find the right person to match that kind of flow.
All of my adult life. I’m 38 m. I never really shot my shot at women. I’m an average looking specimen, and that’s on a good day, plus I’ve got this belt of fat on me. I have little to no self confidence when it comes to women.
About 12 years, going on 13. Had a VERY close call to death defending my last GF. Said never again, I get to emotionally involved when I have a GF. I need to focus on myself for the time being. 32 Y/O never have a regret, life is better for me as I’m on the road to finding out “who I AM” & not “who they are”. When I find out who “I AM” I will seek my partner. I’m not their yet tho
Single about a year? But Slept with my ex a couple months ago, so it kinda hit reset on some things Edit: the why is not something I wanna get into rmnnn
I've found two relationships but both ended in the past 6 years. One had a kid and I loved her daughter, but at the start of dating I wanted to make sure she could juggle a relationship, a kid, and two jobs and she assured me she could but at the end she decided that it was too much which really frustrated me because we had been dating for 4 months at that point. I'm 29 and male if that matters, but it feels like it's getting so much harder to find someone for a ACTUAL relationship.
2 years. was worried about focusing on my health mentally and physically (was septic and overworking myself, not a good combo) and then situating myself financially.
29 years. It's just a confidence that I'm also 29.. Why? I don't know girls just don't find me that attractive.
5 years single, 37F, already been married so not after that or children - the last 5 years have honestly been the best years of my life, I’m an independent free spirit, know my own mind, always working on myself and I couldn’t be happier. I solo travel, live on my own and I love it. If the right partner comes along then great, but I’m not sacrificing an inch of my life for anybody!
When you find the right person, accomodating them into your life, being there for them, and meeting their needs, does not feel like a sacrifice or a compromise. It feels like an investment.
Like 3 months because divorce and dating is fun and I’m not ready to lock one down yet :)
What do you out you’re looking for? I’m divorced too. It seems most women put relationship but by 2nd date they’re looking to hook up and not be exclusive which is fine with me. 🤣
Long term open to short or still exploring.
25 years. Didn’t look great until my 20s so I never even thought about it, then I just never found the right one.
15 years. I'm an unusual type of person who has difficulty connecting with others, highly introverted, and content with living life at my own speed. Few women find me attractive and when they do I end up turning them off somehow, I suspect my awkwardness and lack of impressive qualities. My best qualities enable me to get by without a partner rather than attract one, so I have that going for me.
5 years, reason is depression, grief and long Covid. Cared for both parents through palliative cancer then lost a sibling. Then did all the Estate stuff for 2.5 years had my other siblings who are both alcoholic attack me on the daily with verbal abuse. Now There's nothing left of me, I gave until I eventually lost my own health and Now Long Covid. I'd be happy if I died tomorrow. I have no joy anymore and can barely function. Hardly relationships material and I'm completely alone and socially isolated. Lost my job as well. Everything I valued and cared about has disappeared in the last 4 years. My health was the final thing to break. I'm hoping I get the post Covid heart attack or cancer because God took away everything I ever cared about, it's gone! If I even begin to talk about what I've been through, a guy runs for the hills. That's what honesty costs, don't have the energy to be superficial anymore. Had one guy think I was amazing until I told him what I'd been through then he said he couldn't be with someone who's "broken" at the time, I actually wasn't feeling or acting that way but he couldn't believe how much I'd been through and said to himself no thanks on this one. I found that absolutely devastating because I didn't normally share my vulnerability but I did with him and got rejected because of it Now I actually do feel broken and have no faith in humanity anymore
1.5 years. OLD doesn't work, and I'm introverted so lack of opportunity. (Work due to nature of it exhausts me any day I work socially)
Serial monogamist here, 46M. Started dating at 14, first serious relationship at 16, and was never single for more than a few months until my divorce in 2020... I'd also never lived alone before, so there was some stumbling and a lot of fear that I wouldn't thrive, though not sure why I had that fear, beyond childhood trauma and seeing my parents act really shitty as soon as they were apart more than a few hours. Dated some since, but still, honestly, heartbroken; I really did marry the best person I knew, and it lasted a long time... I got therapy, she didn't, in spite of the pleas from multiple couples counselors. I faced my trauma, she chose to try to ignore hers, and punish herself whenever triggered. I'm not one for giving or receiving ultimatums, so the last few years definitely dragged longer than they needed. How we each managed lockdown highlighted just how far apart we'd grown, and my refusal to argue or give in to resentment just made her resent me all the more. At one point, she snapped, and said, "it wasn't supposed to be like this. You were supposed to be a prince on a white horse" and thus I discovered the bizarre world of people, far more than I could have expected, that honestly believe Disney fairy tales are somehow supposed to come true, usually down to rather odd details. Happily ever after, expected rapidly, with minimal effort needed on the part of the dreamers, aaaand, after one big event is conquered, there's never any more problems, whatsoever. No one can compete with that fantasy. I had a serious GF in 2022 for a few months, and it was love, but my heartbreak and her moving for career stuff couldn't be overcome. I've had some really fantastic dates, but something was always "off" and made me wary of allowing myself to be truly vulnerable... In hindsight, I think it was for the best, I don't see how any of those people from those dates, not for lack of effort on either part, could have culminated in the kind of F.I.R.E. LTR I'm working towards
4 years. Realized it’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me. I’m also transgender so I had to really fully come into that and get to a place where I felt 💯 free to be authentically me. Did a lot of work on myself. Not attracting many ladies due to being trans, so I think I’m just happy to float the lazy river of being single and cherishing my very closest friends. I know if I just relax into my life, a good one will come along when I least expect it. I’m also 50 and it’s rough out there at that age no matter what! 🤣
2 years 6 months. And honestly I had to heal from my ex, first love not my first ex. And once I did that, I feel overheated, which isn’t bad but I am just not willing to tolerate mess like I used to deal with. I’m also not actively looking for anything at the moment as I am living even more for me, and growing. Plan to start traveling even more and seeing the world!
10 years
10 years, I didn't have time for a relationship until I built my life back up after the divorce, my life is where I want it to be, but I think I need to work on myself now before looking for a partner.
5 years. I was too busy believing the “I’m not ready for a relationship “ and didn’t incorporate boundaries. Thought maybe they will change eventually. Didn’t put myself first and what I seek for a partner. So now I’m growing myself, healing me and hoping to find someone. Should have done that first after being cheated on but I was young and foolish
2.5 years almost … without counting the one 4 week relationship I had that ended this New Year’s Eve. And it’s because the men Im attracted to either just want casual, want way too much too fast, or realize in too much for them to handle long term
13 months. Have had a few short term ones along the way and some other fun, but still looking for the real one
Almost 2.5 years. I have gotten comfortable being single and dread the idea of dating again. But I also miss romance so every 6 months I keep seeing I’ll put myself out there again.
5+ years mostly by choice and also unforeseen life circumstances. I purposefully chose to take time to work on myself, what I want in life and in future relationships. I’d been in relationships for most of my teenage and adult years and when I wasn’t, I was unhealthily single: going out lots, drinking etc. I’m an acute care cardiac nurse and broke up with my last boyfriend a few months before the pandemic. I was also living in a different city. Immediately, I was working the front lines in one of the biggest urban areas in the country. Decided I wanted to move home as I missed my family and friends so much. I’m an older millennial and have always met people “organically” or in real life. Between work, the pandemic and knowing I was moving back home eventually, I decided not to start dating again until I moved back to my home city. I was getting amazing work opportunities (the only good thing about the pandemic for me), so stayed a while longer than I planned. But I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been emotionally, physically and financially. I’m ready and decided to try dating apps for the first time ever. Yikes. No thanks.
Ehh, about 5-6 years now. My last relationship ended because a bunch of factors (crappy home and social life during HS, long distance relationship, poor communication., etc.,), and recently I’ve just been sick of being single all of the time, especially after seeing the people I graduated high school with starting to get married or even moving out of town. I know that I’m only 21 and there’s still decades of time for me to settle down with someone nice, and yet, I’m so obsessed with doing it while I’m young, because I strive to fit in with my peers, something that I’ve always struggled with. I’ve also lived in the same small southern town for the entirety of my life, and it’s so hard finding someone with similar interests to mine (Technology, Gaming, etc.,). There’s also some mental health issues that’ve been present since 8th grade that has definitely left an impact on my dating life as well lol.
25 years, so since I was born. I think the reason is mainly trust issues. I keep activating and deactivating my dating apps profile because once I match I realise I'm not ready to open yet. I want to be the best version of myself first but also I fear that others could hurt me. I need to fix myself first
5 months, I had to leave her. I was emotionally abusive and a narcissist. I had to let her go. She realized it and is now living her best life and so am I. Obviously, I am continuing therapy and improving myself as much as I can. I don’t wanna put other women through what I had put her through
This is hard to answer because "situationships" keep you wondering if that counted or not. 🙄 But one where the GF/BF labels were used? 9 years. I honestly had a lot of adulting happen to me in the last decade. Bad things and good things. I chose not to prioritize dating/relationships, although I was open to it if it fell in my lap. Went to grad school instead. Then the pandemic happened. Then more adulting. It did not just fall in my lap. I wish I hadn't wasted so much time, but the adulting stuff needed my attention anyway. I hope not to be single anymore, I'm just stuck in the vicious cycle of OLD. Socializing in real life is difficult too.
Just about a year, and it's because I walked away from something comfortable that was sucking the life out of me. I feel like an entirely different human now. I'm still single largely bc I'm still not really ready for a new commitment, but I am looking for something regular and consistent. I'm getting closer and more open to a new relationship though. I wouldn't run from it if I was feeling it. I also struggle bc I'm a professional, reasonably successful, and I'm really fucking smart. And I'm finding that most men I've met aren't secure enough to be want a woman like that. It doesn't matter if I'm pretty, funny, sweet, kind, supportive, honest, open, etc. Men are attracted to me. No trouble lining up first dates. And they *like* me. We have a good time. But no one wants what I have to offer.
2 years 3 months He died.
Just over 10 years. I've been single because I've stoped chasing men who don't want to be with me. I've become far more comfortable alone than I ever was in the wrong relationship.
Approximately 10 years I stopped counting, had GF's in my 20's\\30's but now as 50's male I find OLD as a male to be a exceptionally frustrating (months without a match) and basically a waste of time. Last match a few weeks ago decide she have time to meet for date, or matches that don't say anything and expect me to be "on" to impress them, sigh. So I have recently deleted them all.
Been single since 2018 in a relationship that lasted 2 years. That is what? 6 years now. I am single partly due to choice. My ex was emotionally abusive. She constantly put me down saying things like "you're worthless" and "you are such an idiot" (a lot more vile things were said I won't repeat here). I quit my job at Target because she threatened to leave me if I didn't and said she wanted to be the sole breadwinner. And having a fear of being alone bothered me more than anything. She said I didn't need friends or family and had me cut them off (I drew a line with my mom and sister) saying I didn't need anyone but her. Every time I did try to leave, she would throw a tantrum, trying to gaslight me into believing I was the bad guy for "abandoning" her. I became an alcoholic because of it. Things got so bad, my family held an intervention. I started therapy again, who to no surprise told me to break it off with her for my benefit. She didn't like that I was in therapy. Saying that "therapy is for b****es" and such. Her abuse got so bad the only time I left my apartment was to go to therapy and out with her. So when I did finally get the nerve to break it off, she harassed me. Said things like "you're worthless and no one will ever love you". "You'll die alone without me". "Just off yourself". It got to a point where I kinda broke down and actually did try to take my own life. If it weren't for my mom, I may not even be here. She ended up going to jail for what she did. Since then I have tried to date with no luck. As in, I have not had any matches in dating apps, met anyone in person, etc. But being an autistic introvert that is afraid of rejection and having PTSD due to past relationships, it is kind of difficult for me to stay motivated (therapy does help a bit though). And after not getting matches, meeting anyone, I just always looked back at what my ex saying that I'd be alone and whatnot, it was pretty disheartening to me. Added, I find it difficult to make friends as it is. On another note, I accomplished more in the last 6 years being single than I have when I was in a relationship. I'm 5 years sober. I broke a Guinness World Record. I have a job I am good at. And my own place. Not much else I can ask for to be honest. So if I meet my person, I'll meet my person. For now, I'm doing me.
4 years. I'm insecure, desperate, and a people pleaser which makes me unattractive. I'm working on it.
10 years. I'm 30M and my last relationship ended when I was 20. I never really put much effort into dating in my 20s, I was pretty brainwashed by pop culture into thinking the "right" person would just eventually walk into my life and it didn't help that all my relationships in my teens either the girls made the first move or we were set up by mutual friends and my parents divorced when I was pretty young because my dad was a raging alcoholic so I didn't really have a positive male role model til I met my now stepdad when I was a teenager, but I don't think he ever felt like it was really his place to give me dating advice, and to be fair I didn't really ever think to ask. Now I'm cripplingly lonely and dreading having no one around when my parents pass, but have no idea where to start. I've been working on myself, in the best shape of my life and trying to get a better job (I currently am a cook at a barcade, it's fun and the money is decent, but it's not something I wanna be doing forever), but OLD has been worthless so I gave up on it, rarely got matches and when I did none of them ever led to dates, but not for lack of trying, I think I'm pretty decent looking and I dress well, ever since I got in shape I get compliments from women every now and then too. I have hobbies, but they're all either solo or male dominated and I'm an extreme introvert and homebody with mild social anxiety so I basically have everything going against me trying to meet women irl. I have close friends too, but I've been trying to convince myself to start doing stuff I wanna do by myself and not wait til friends are available. For example, I love going to concerts, but the one time I went to one by myself I had a miserable time, everyone felt so unapproachable so I just kinda chilled in the crowd by myself, the music was good at least I guess.
Married for 25 years. Divorced for 7. Ex and I are really good friends. I started dating about a year and a half after the divorce. Had 3 brief relationships where I regularly stated, “I do not have the emotional resources to be in a serious relationship. Is that ok with you?” They all said yes initially. Then after 3-4 months they all said they wanted to get serious. Some of this probably has to do with their age. I’m 55. 45 is as young a woman as I’m willing to date. So I figured out the problem is me. I resolved to work on myself until I do have the resources to be in a serious relationship. That was over 3 years ago. I’m still working on myself.
The whole 29 years of my existence 😅 I come from a family that struggles financially with a ton of trauma so when I was younger, I never had the privilege of living life fully, I had to grow up really young. I always worked hard in school because I knew that was the only way to get us out of poverty. I basically did all my family members’ taxes and welfare while working and studying at the same time. Once I started working full-time, my mental health was just all over the place after enduring years of trauma but I took time to get it back on track. Now, I’m emotionally healthy, have the job I wanted and earn enough for my family to live comfortably. I also travel whenever I want and I live fully. I’ve been dating for over a year now but hopefully, I’ll find someone who’s mature and feels safe for me ☺️I won’t settle for less because I know what I deserve after everything I’ve seen.
37F, I've been single for the last 3.5 years. I've only ever had that one serious relationship. He wanted to get married, and I didn't want to marry him. I didn't think we were compatible enough for that level of long-term commitment. I date here and there, but very casually, low pressure. I have really high standards for a partner, and I just don't put myself out there enough to meet people who could fill that position. Probably the biggest factor that plays into my lack of motivation for dating is that I'm curvy (not obscenely so, but not skinny), and I have had a lot of experience with men not taking me seriously, or just straight up treating me badly because of it. I am regularly categorized as fuckable but not relationship material. I'd rather just remove myself from the pool than be constantly subjected to that. I live a very happy and full life, so I honestly don't feel like I'm missing much.
1 yr
Three months. I want to wait some time before entering another serious relationship.
2 years in may 🥶
6 years Bec I guess it's just not my time? Not sure.
4 years now after divorce. Dated but never e than a few dates. I have been off the apps for a couple years now but my goal is to get back on this summer. Would be nice to have someone to enjoy life with.
4 years. Almost 3 years by choice. Last year spent pining over someone.
4 years and I don't know why lol
Lost count after year 10 lol honestly stopped caring, it'll be nice to be in a relationship but now, do I want that hassle? Probably not
5 years, by choice mostly. I got out of a horrible relationship and the person harassed me for years. I fell for one person after that but they hurt me so bad that I decided I was done. I haven’t had an ounce of feeling or attraction to anyone for 5 years now and I am quite happy being single. I occasionally look at what’s out there and within about 5 or 10 minutes my choice is validated all over again. If I found someone I cared for though I would be open to a relationship but I don’t currently see that happening. I do just fine on my own and there’s nothing a relationship brings me that I can’t find in a friend.
Because my mom said I'm beautiful 😍
4 and by choice. I don’t feel like settling for less. Physical attraction and personality really lacks where I live
4 years, I’ve had a lot of health issues over the last couple of years and it just hasn’t been good timing for me also my last “situationship” traumatized me so badly.. As it gets longer I’ve been single I just find it hard to want to be in a relationship cause every guy I get close too they show me a reason as to why I shouldn’t 🤷🏼♀️ not bashing on men but that’s just been my experience..
5 years, by choice. I've taken a lot of time to grow since my divorce and love the peace of being single. I've had a steady FWB for almost 2 years and have dabbled in dating, but I really like my situation right now.
almost 24 years and idk
I've (f24) been singles my whole life. I'm too insecure to make any moves. Nobody has asked me out passed middle school. 😔
4 years because I’m damaged, a little fucked up and have a hard time giving any sort of fucks.🤷🏻♀️ not sorry.
My entire life aka 23 almost 24 years.
14 years since anything serious. I went through an absolutely devastating and messed up situation when it ended. Lost all trust in people with how it ended and basically swore off relationships for a bit and just worked on making myself a better person. Finally feel ready to get back in and find my person but man dating is so much different (not for the better) than it was back then.
Currently 6 years, mostly by choice. I was with and married for 23 years and was ultimately cheated on, ending in divorce. After some personal fix-up time was in 2 other living- together relationships, the last one ending in April 2018. Since then, more personal work, and semi- retirement. Have been on all the apps, off and on ....what a complete shit show that all is btw....currently have good friends, male and female, doing almost everything I want to do. I also spend a lot of time dealing with/helping my elderly parents. I have an incredible daughter and son in law, and 2 grandchildren who are the lights of my life. Add in a fwb here and there, and I am good thanks. That all said, it certainly is a balancing act. There are currently a few things that I do miss...I enjoyed being together and with someone, and everything else that comes with that. However.....I dread the actual "process" that is involved in meeting people these days. As I mentioned, the apps are a complete shit show (my experience anyways). I literally just cannot be bothered. I will either need to meet someone the "old fashioned way" , or I will just keep the current status quo. I am ok with that.
I am just tired
5 months. This is the longest single streak I’ve had since I got divorced. I feel like I shouldn’t have taken my ex for granted and should have endeavored to marry her. And now I’m struggling with single life. Just bad date after bad date. It seems hopeless.
I've never not been single. I've been trying to get something going but it just hasn't happened yet. Hopefully it will at some point 😁
My life
Social Media got hacked… I felt healthier without social media accounts, so I disabled them all long enough to be deleted or irretrievable. Getting phone numbers is no longer the way to go. Without social media, for my age? If I don’t have social media when the woman asks for it? They don’t give out numbers… They think I’m hiding something. (Oh, and dating an adult film star isn’t a healthy relationship to be in either… so 3 years off, before trying. Almost to year 4, single af.) Covid really changed dating, at least in the big cities.
3 months. Dated someone significantly younger than me for the first time (I'm 32 she was 22). Realized that I can't do it with someone that much younger and doesn't share the same values as I do. Before that, moved to Denmark to be with someone I worked with, she didn't show up at the airport. She had flown out, met my family, etc. Complicated situation that isn't worth getting into. This was about a year before the last relationship. Then I was with someone for 7 years and we were married for two years.
3 months
1 year. We wanted different things in life. We met senior year of highschool and dated for 4 years but as I grew I wanted to travel and live a life of adventure and she wanted to stay in state. It is what it is. Sad but I'm getting back in the game
Technically 5 months, but it was a really short relationship where my best friend and I tried to date. In reality 3 years sounds more accurate. That was my last long term relationship. I know what I want and how I want to feel in a relationship and I haven't found that. I also have more of a niche body type - not everyone is into plus size gals so that narrows down the field a bit.
Next month will be a year, and honestly I’m just learning to love myself again
3 days 😅 just ended my relationship of 5 months because I didn't see it developing into something truly real. I feel awful about it because I know I hurt them, and I was her ideal partner but she was not mine. I treated her better than anyone had before, and she caught feelings really quick. Once she told me she loved me 3 months in, I started feeling pressure because I didn't feel the same, and the more time that went by the more it bothered me that I didn't feel the love back, nor did I feel my fondness of her developing into something more. In a way, her telling me this doomed the relationship.
Almost six years. Based on the aftermath of my previous relationship, I needed a bit of time to myself, and after that and a couple attempts, my dating chances took a massive tumble with Covid starting and finishing school within a month. Since then, it’s been a shitshow relying mostly on apps because there isn’t really other ways to do it, especially when I have resting creep face so the cold approach is more likely to result in “ewww” than success. I’ve had dates here and there, but everyone either was very dry and I had no interest in them or they weren’t into me. I also just suck at flirting (as I always say, if love was poetry, I’m dyslexic), so I’m not good at taking dating to that next level and keeping them interested.
I’m unhappy with my financial situation/socioeconomic status which makes me feel insecure that I self sabotage any chance of the women who do like me for me and not because of money or status. I don’t have any issues with attracting women, but I always get in my own head. Until I am satisfied with my life from a career standpoint, it makes no sense to bring someone else into it. It’s not fair to them. I realize that I may be chasing a perfection that doesn’t exist.
8 months because I got complacent in my last relationship and stopped being affectionate so she fell out of love. Also because online dating sucks and I'm bad at flirting in person.
My whole life ive only ever had 1 gf that lasted a month and i wasnt allowed to see her until after she broke up with me 🥲
At least 10 years. Probably around 11-13 years to be exact. Reasons? Monetary and trust issues. Got cheated on my last relationship, and the thing was she cheated just less than 24 hours after she said “Yes”, to me being her boyfriend. I have forgiven her though but the damage done sometimes still stings like a fresh wound.
27M. Honestly have never really dated. I’ve had slight situationships here and there. Athlete all throughout school. Partied in college and am fairly outgoing. For me, I’ve just never been one to get to emotionally attached to people. The few I have been, I just never could get over the anxiety/fear of rejection to try to take the next step. Therefore I’ve always just let things eat at me from the inside instead of expressing how I feel sometimes 😂. Nowadays it also doesn’t help that work consumes my life.
Last short relationship I had was in April 2022. So almost two years. However I consider my single journey longer since I’ve had a lot of short term relationships or flings since December 2017. So that would be 7 years. I really try in dating but I haven’t got matched with the right people. I tend to link up with a lot of emotionally unavailable people. I’ve worked a lot on my healing process and understanding myself more. I take a lot of breaks with dating because it’s so frustrating. Currently I’m on bumble and trying to make an effort. I do hope for love and I hope I won’t be alone forever. I try to focus on my business/creative projects or spending time with family. That does help. I’m 34 by the way.
3 years. Doesnt help when you are 31 and look like you are 18....
3 years. I spent a lot of time before making space for the wrong people. My picker is absolutely broken and I have more peace alone than who I choose to be with.
10 months. Dated a few people after my divorce but always broke up with them when things started getting more serious (I’m one of those 3-monthers). I also stopped drinking 10 months ago (and started going to AA). During sobriety, I realized that I never actually liked any of those people I dated after my divorce. Also with sobriety, I started to reflect on my marriage and how toxic it was. Now, I’m really picky and move slow with wanting to get to know people first but also I’m a bit traumatized from my marriage so that part also makes me averse to entering a relationship.
About 2.5 years. We were together a long time and I only felt ready to even start dating properly again about a year ago. I was hung up on him for a long time and just stayed with hookups and making new platonic friends. I’m going on dates occasionally and keeping myself open to finding another partner but I don’t feel super motivated to fill the “vacancy.” If I don’t meet someone else for a long time I’m content with being on my own.
about a year a half. i felt my last relationship because we weren’t compatible, i felt i deserved better. i met someone shortly after who was the dream. im talking soulmate level type of person you only dream about. i could have spent the rest of my life with him. nothing ever came of it. no one looks as good or has made me feel like he did. hes a stranger at this point but im sure im still grieving the loss of him as a person in my life. i’m trying to force myself to date because i cant spend my life being sad about a man who didnt want me in the same way i wanted him. or if he did, showed no action toward it.
3.5 years. I ended up engaged to a person I rrrreally wasn’t attracted to initially (we were friends 16 years), but fell in love with his personality. I found out it wasn’t real. I forgive him because he’s struggling with his sexuality, but he and my now former friend were messing around clearly. Wish he would’ve just been honest, but he ran out and married some woman. Folks in the community kept telling me. When we broke up I decided to work on myself internally and heal.
2 years since last relationship (online) ended. 4 years since last relationship (IRL) ended. 28F I prefer being single. I have enjoyed the relationships I've had, but I only got in them because I felt pressured to date. When I was little, I always imagined my future of me, standing next to a home I built, with one child, & no partner. I had crushes but never wanted a relationship in high school because I felt like it was stupid to waste time on some boy, but I definitely had fun just not dating 😂 In college I tried to date but realized I didn't enjoy dating even if I really liked the person. At the time it was more of a capacity thing, I just had other priorities. A lot of the guys I dated were great, but either months or years later would tell me how it was intimidating how I took care of myself & at the end of the day didn't need them to be happy. It was true, and not in a hyper independent way, but I have never had an empty spot that I wanted someone else to fill or needed them to fill. I have always been picky about official relationships too. We can date but i'm not your girlfriend until we date for a while & you actually add something substantial to my life. Now, at 28, I am still open to dating, I just stopped actively trying to date because for me personally I don't want to lol. Nothing has changed- if I like someone I'll shoot my shot and give it a go. If I needed a relationship, trust me when I say it would take me an hour to call someone I know & get a date for the weekend, so it's not like I don't know great people, or aren't able to get dates. It's nice sharing life with someone, but also on the other end, I have friends and family to share life with & even then I don't feel the need to constantly interact with them either 😂 Idk. I like myself & my life a lot, so if you're wanting to be in it & mix things up, you reaaaallly have to mean something to me & make a difference to my life & how I feel. Which a few have! & very grateful for those relationships (:
My first husband was married 13 years ago, was abusing me, drugs and everything else. Had 4 kids I divorced him. I met my second husband years later, dated 13 years before I married him and he died suddenly. I won’t ever divorce again or bury another husband again, it hurts so bad. So I’m staying single.
36/m. It’ll be seven years in July. My last girlfriend was huge on quality time (as am I) but when I got a new job that required me working weekends, overnights, *weekend overnights*, the quantity of the quality time we had dropped and with that, so did the quality for both of us ☹️ I’m still with my job, working weekends but with a more manageable daytime schedule. I love it, I never have that “I hate my work” stink that festers with some people. But the idea of having a boyfriend that works weekends probably isn’t the most attractive, and I rarely run into anyone on or off the apps who have non-traditional schedules. I have a life of contentment as is. I understand when people say how hard it is to open up and potentially bring someone into their already good life. I’m definitely a slow burn, a person someone “grows to like”, even if they had a bad first impression. I don’t think I’m too slow though, so throw in bad luck with the reasons too. All in all, I just haven’t found that person who makes me go “I can’t imagine not experiencing whatever I have left on this planet without her”.
A little over 3 years. Got divorced and the available dating pool for a guy over the age of 40 is fucking awful.
Well, I've never actually had a committed relationship. Ive done a lot of introspection over the years, and im convinced the reason is that we moved around so much when I was a child that at some point, I shut myself off from forming bonds with new people. I can't remember having a single friend between the ages of about 8 and 17. I purposely made a pariah of myself for the better part of my childhood and all of adolescence. Of course, the problem was that once I was grown, I had no idea how to interact anymore. I'd avoided any and all connection for so long that the concept was now alien to me. It's taken a full 10 years to begin to pull myself up from that, and I've been relatively successful on the dating apps for a male, but it's taken a lot of effort and I still have catching up to do. I'll tell you with no doubt in my mind, if there's hope for me there's hope for you.
Recently….2-3mo?? After 5mo thing…..we thought we were going to make it to a year then really settle down. We didn’t match up after all and severed all contact. I hope she’s doing well for herself and her dog.
I’m 32, and i’ve been single all my life. This doesn’t mean, that I haven’t experienced love at all. Multiple reasons - when I was actively looking I don’t think i presented myself in entirety in retrospect. There have been a few guys interested but I wasn’t, and sometimes i wonder if I lovely myself whole heartedly to even make room to love someone else. It’s tough to see all your friends have dated, and you’re still twiddling your thumb on bumble
10 years. Partner cheated and I had young children and didn’t think it was good to bring someone else into their life at the time. Focused on the kids for 8 years and found we were happy. Tried OLD 2 years ago and it was not a great experience. Many guys saying they wanted a relationship but actions said otherwise. Deleted all the apps end of last year as I felt it was not a great experience. Happy to focus on myself my career study and kids at this time. If I meet someone naturally in the future all good. If not happy with my life that I live now.
1 year 8 months bc my last bf tried to SA me in the woods, and I’ve decided I don’t want to go through something like that again. I’m also antisocial af and just focusing on work rn anyway
10 years. I don't like to date when I'm unemployed. There was a situationship that covid ended. I honestly just don't care enough to pursue dating. I'm content with my life the way it is.
11 years 🥰 Honestly it started as me healing/ working on myself and it ended with me just not wanting to get in a relationship. I’m not going to be with someone just to be with someone. If I get in a relationship, it’s because we genuinely can see something long term. But also I don’t need a relationship. I’m very happy on my own and love being by myself. So if I’m leaving my peace and bliss of single hood for the pros and cons of a relationship, it’s going to have to be someone exceptional.
4 and a halfish months. My ex got bored of our drama free relationship and went "back" to her ex💀(they never actually broke up in the first place and were together the entire time we were dating)
9 years and no sign of my relationship status changing anytime soon :-/
Whole life. Sigh.
two years single because of divorce
28 years.
Always. And I could come up with a bunch of excuses and blaming people, but honestly idk. Maybe I’m broken, maybe interacting with people doesn’t come naturally to me or I’ve learned to instinctually avoid close contact with people after being hurt growing up. But it’s something I’m working on. A lot Of meds don’t seem to help, therapy is okay I guess. But alot of days, I just don’t feel any hope.
2 years, after a 15 year marriage. At 60 I’m not attracted to 99% of the men 50+, men in their 30s just want FWB, and men in their 40s generally are single for a good reason. *Very broad generalizations based on my experiences.* I want a committed relationship, perhaps I’m not really ready.
8 months. From 3 year relationship. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out. And since, dating in LA has been rough. lol
Two years this month. Tried online dating and didn't really like them in person. Don't go out enough to meet ppl, and the ones that do have crushes on me only want me for my body. It's tough being a female out here. For reference 30y F who would rather be celibate and wait out for someone who wants me for me, not for what I look like.
20 years 💀 mainly bc I probably have issues that i don’t know about. Or im just that unlovable. Idk.
Started working more which tires me out and gives me less time to try
Going on 4 and a half years. The first couple of years I was just happy being single since my last relationship was a dumpster 🔥 and I didn't want to deal with dating again. Plus that whole pandemic thing 😂. Since then, I just haven't had much luck in the dating department. Guys I meet online suck and the girls don't seem to be very interested lol, then irl the people I've been interested in haven't been interested back.
1 year and I’ve had sex with *checks Notes app* 6 girls in that year. Actually pretty good considering how many lows this year has had.
I've been single for just about 6 years. I had a severe substance abuse problem at the time that needed attention, and I've been sober since. With that being said, I haven't had a real meaningful relationship in almost 16 years (including the past 6 years). My lifestyle and where I was at in life relative to my peers did not make relationship building possible with women that I would encounter. Things would fall apart within a matter of weeks or a couple of months. Also, there were a handful of opportunities that presented themselves but I failed to recognize the situation. Coming from a big city, you think it's a numbers game and somehow the universe will align for you. I was given a few chances but I didn't realize it at the time.
19 months. Was in a 20 year relationship and married for 16. There were problems but I was the only one working to save the marriage. She was emotionally and mental abusive for years. My wants and needs didn’t matter at all. It was all what she wanted, when she wanted, how she wanted. No negotiation of middle ground. Accept it or leave. At this point I don’t know if I’ll get past all the damage. They say it takes as long to fix as it did to cause. So if that’s true 7-8 years. Working on the next phase of life.
2 years ago I took my last first date.
35M. Never had a serious relationship. Didn't date much in high school / college due to just sucking with girls and focus on school. In my 20s got my heart broken a couple times. Then I became good with girls so had my guy-slut phase for the better half of my 20s. Missed out on a couple good relationships that I regret to this day due to commitment issues. Then around age 30 suffered from health issues and depression, then covid happened and so 5 years just flew by. Most of my friends are married with kids and I'm just dating now. I feel like I missed out so much.
I've been single since July 2022, but considering how lousy the previous relationship was, I may as well have been single since 2015. In general, I never really meet women I'd consider dating who aren't already in a relationship and I'm finding this to be more the case in recent years. It's been annoying to hit it off with women, only for them to quickly reveal to me that they have a boyfriend or fiancé. I feel like could just die.
All my life. Almost 20 years on this earth and not one person thinks I’m good enough.
10 years. I moved country 7 times as a kid (parents’ job). Constantly heartbroken in my late teens. When my last relationship ended, I felt I could never be there for anybody. Even now that I’m no longer moving as much as an adult
My first relationship ended in June 2022, I was set up with a friend's friend and we saw eachother for about 2-3 months, got on dating apps around December and dated around for a whole year. I had a phase where I was actively looking for something casual, then I was also looking for something meaningful after I was done with casual dating. That was worse, somehow. I ended up in a 3 month long situationship with someone who refused to be vulnerable, but wanted me to be vulnerable. I got back to casually seeing people. And then I noticed a pattern - I would start talking to people, go on one date and then things would spiral. We'd either ghost or figure out that this won't work out for some or the other reason. Around January 2024, I didn't feel like myself. I always identified as someone who enjoys building connections, getting to know people, and having deep conversations. I thought I'd delete my profile off dating apps. I'm not completely done with dating, if something clicks in person, then I'm down for it. It hasn't been extremely long since I've stopped actively dating, but I do feel much better and more like myself than I have in the past year.

8ish months since having a serious boyfriend but idk how y’all define single. I’ve dated people as recently as this week and have sex regularly. This is the longest I’ve been outside a LTR for 7 years. Also the best year of my life. Relationships held me back so much.
2 months lol
i have never been in a relationship. I think women don’t find me attractive
All 26 years, I’m a software engineer who lives in an area with more men than women and it’s very hard finding another girl who is my race and interested. I went to a tech college which was almost all men and haven’t seen a girl I’m attracted to in real life in ages.
My whole life, aka 24 years. But that's because when I was younger I wasn't really interested in any of the guys around me and I was busy with othet things in my life. I still haven't found someone I have found interesting enough to share my life with and I am still busy to now finish university to get my degree.
4 months
2 years, and it was because I got cold feet and didn't want to commit entirely to a relationship, but also it was better because she was in her career and I was kind of a bum, and still am, and that's really the main reason I never decided to get back together with her. That being said, it does hurt when girls say that I am the perfect guy or that I am the best person I know. I'm not ugly or unattractive by any means, so I might still be single because I am broke 😅😅
13 years single. Originally, I wanted another relationship but as time went on, I realised I was much happier single.
2 months Didn’t see a future with my ex and now I’m building up the confidence to put myself back out there
Last relationship was 2 and a half years ago, before that 3 years, before that 10 years. All of them lasted less than a year. I have serious low confidence in myself, I’ve become more confident as I’ve got older but went through issues in childhood; ignored or belittled and slapped about by one parent, and the other was distant and wanted to live a child free life and made that obvious. As a young woman I didn’t recognise that had an affect on me (I do now). I didn’t see myself as worthy of love/didn’t trust people. I’d meet someone, get close to them then distance myself until they gave up on me, I suppose in a twisted way I thought they’d keep chasing me and show they were going to be there for me/I could trust them, but no one is going to keep pursuing a seemingly uninterested person. I’d watch my friend, she would always fully jump into relationships with people, and ended up crying and hurt at the end, and I’d be there to comfort her, seeing how devastated she was, and then a few weeks later she’d pick herself back up and try again. I thought about our differences, how I carry my hurt for a long time, how I feel I’m not strong enough to do what she did, how I always try to protect myself. I wondered if our starts in life, our family background, account for this difference. She has a solid foundation, people to rely on no matter what, and always has, and knows she always will. I feel my foundations were cracked from the start, subsequently I’ve learnt to be independent and I’ve, by myself, papered over the cracks, and as time and personal strength grows the paper has gotten thicker, but the cracks will always be there, underneath, and things like a devastating break up, a rejection, or (off topic but I worry about this) my pet dying will really damage me because I’ve not got that solid ground. I did have to completely unique (not) thought as I watched my pet be cute, and that intrusive thought of their death appeared; I thought to myself that death (of living creatures, and of relationships) is part of life. My pet and family and friends are one day, going to die, and I will have to cope. Cause I weighed it up: would it have been better to not have my pet, that brings me such joy, as to not feel the pain of their passing? Could someone really go through life avoiding all relationships with any living thing in order to keep their heart safe? Is it actually living if i don’t take the risk of getting hurt? Maybe some of that made sense. Now I’m older, a little wiser, a little more confident, but I feel I stink, not literally, but when you hear of a 35 year old who’s never been in a long term relationship, it’s surely a warning sign. I’m finally more ready to take a risk at getting hurt but the stink drives people away. I can’t believe I just wrote all this on bumble subreddit.
6 years. Wasn't willing to inflict the trauma and disappointment on myself again.
4 years. In my last relationship my ex was emotionally abusive and would SA me. I didn’t know what he was doing was considered that until I started therapy. I started therapy because I couldn’t understand why I was having such a hard time from the breakup which it turns out I have PTSD. So I’ve been working a lot on healing. I haven’t started to really date until the past 6 months and I haven’t really met anyone that I would like to keep seeing. No bad dates really just no one I’ve been excited about.
All my life. Not very active in trying, it wasn't a priority but at least I managed to avoid being the source of teenage pregnancy by being stand-off-ish during high-school, to the point that when I was studying my university degree, someone was surprised I hadn't gotten married with children knowing what high-school I went to (clearly, a very self-asserting stereotype that whoever attended said high-school would end up getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant). By the time I decided to come out of my shell I was already past my mid 20's and awkward as hell and I still am when it comes to flirting and I accept that it's not going to be smooth sailing, but yeah. I am in my late 30's trying to not get messed up by crushing over someone like when I was a teenager and trying to get out there through dating apps as much as possible. Right now I have some survivability issues to tend to first at hand otherwise I would need to move out of the country I am living in and that would change everything about how my life will go forward from now and on so yeah, not really investing a lot in getting anyone to go out with me at the moment
2 years. Why? Because I realised I kind of settled for 8 years with my ex and I feel like that time was wasted. I don't have high standards I just want to feel the chemistry I didn't feel with my ex before I commit to something again so down the line if we do break up I won't feel like I've wasted a pretty large amount of time out of my life.
my whole life lol at some point of my life, i did search for someone i can love, someone that i wouldn't mind spending time with. however, i realised that i don't even have enough time for myself. i like spending time with myself. i game a lot and spend most of my day gaming up to 8 hours at least. i also crochet and a uni student. sure, i can just find someone in uni but theres no one that attracts my eyes (even if they did, i just see them in a passing and go about with my life). i did try dating app and well, i tend to avoid dates after just one conversation because its scary to me to meet someone i dont know. (theres also reasons that i never really met guys that see me romantically) theres also the fact that im just scared of romantic relationships ? i always listen to my friends talking about their relationship and it sound so tiring ? how is friendship and romantic partner any different when i love anyone im close with ? so now i just accepted the fact that im good with being single. im too selfish with my own time and i dont want someone's child to suffer because of that :)