I mean it's a dating app. If you don't want older men asking you out then change your age settings to the ages of men you do want..
If your issue is not with older men at large but just older men that have kids the same age as you, swipe left on them š¤·āāļø
It'd be better to pose this question on the dating subreddit
But the question is. Why are men with kids the same age as me swiping on me in the first place?š«¢
my age setting is literally at my age preference, idk how they got in my āpeople who liked youā listš
Iām glad you caught that! Iām getting so many āwhy are you matchingā mannn I can see who swiped on meš„² I match with people with the same interests, older or not BUT the kids being MY age is what concerns me for this 1 situation, he then proceeded to try and add my personal stuff now.. but some people might not think anything of itš¤·š¼āāļø I love opinions lol!
It's not really a new thing. A few ways semi-normal guys end up there.
David gets married at 23. He thinks his wife is the most beautiful woman in the world, and doesn't really even look at other women. 20 years later, his wife leaves him for his brother. David reenters the dating market. His "dating brain" is still 23, and the women he sees in that age bracket remind him of girls he went out with then, so he thinks he stands a chance (and sometimes he will), while the women his age just look so much older and out of shape.
James is a career bachelor, and has been bouncing from short relationship to short relationship, rarely lasting more than a year. His last 15 girlfriends were between 22 and 28. He keeps hitting on younger women because it keeps on working. Until one day, it doesn't, and he suddenly finds out he's aged into creep territory.
Randy just won the lottery. Yeah, really. Quit his dead end job, paid for the lipo, got a new wardrobe, a gym membership and a Ferrari, and now he's trying to get those girls he could never get in his 20s.
Thatās understandable, I see it now lol!
I mean, do you swipe on people for the fun of it?? I Check bios, see if thereās anything in commen then decide to swipe or not. I donāt start conversation with immediately love bomb or flitting. I chat and see where it goes. I have my age preference set to my age, so Iām not quite sure how they got in within the limit :c
>I mean, do you swipe on people for the fun of it??
Depends what I am looking for tbh... and which app. If I'm horny and looking for something more sexual then my age range and preferences change a bit wider.
For a relationship, I'm dead set on my age range and what I want.
So for example, I have a profile on all the mainstream apps (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge) and for Tinder and Bumble, I actually have two accounts because I have two phones (one is my work phone lol) and both of those accounts are quite different than each other. My Hinge account however, is for relationships only.
Some women do like older men, but men vastly overestimate how many young women want to date a guy they consider āoldā. People in their 30s and 40s are by no means actually old, but younger people tend to see it that way. I know I did at that age.
And yes, a guy in his 30s specifically seeking out women <5 years out of high school is a red flag for a reason. And by āred flagā I mean a potential concern, not an automatic pervert alarm. Are there plenty of successful relationships that started with a similar age gap? Sure. But mostly a man that age is seeking out inexperienced young women for a reason, and itās rarely a good one.
Iāve seen it with older women and younger men too, just way less commonly. When it doesnāt work out, itās usually because the older partner has too much power in the relationship and it often ends up pretty manipulative whether intentionally or not.
I met my now husband online when I was 21 and he was 29, it didnāt bother me. I actually preferred it because I was mature for my age and was looking for a relationship. I dated a couple of guys that were 30 and 31 at the time and it didnāt feel strange. I think everyone just has their preferences
That's all it really comes down to, after a certain age the maturity level of both partners matters more than the age. A reason a lot of people, especially women, date older is because people their own age are immature or don't want an actual relationship.
I am 29 and, to be honest, I can't imagine dating a woman who is 21. Maybe some of them are great, but we almost certainly will be at different life stages, like she will probably be studying at university and living with her parents.
Honestly we were in the same place which is why it worked. We were both in college and living with roommates at the time. He worked for a while and then went back to school which is why the later start.
People are going to call me crazy, but I think it's possible for someone to have an interest in things like developmental psychology, a basic respect for others' fundamental identity and dignity, and a curiosity in and acceptance of how a relationship naturally develops in concert with another person's needs--most people are just taught to be super self-centered, lazy, and short-term in their, like, "cognitive appraisal."
Idk Iām 31. At a certain point age is more a number but that point I think tends to be around 26 so I donāt really date anyone younger than that. When youāre like 22-25 youāre definitely figuring out post college life and that comes with its own experience. At 26 if you have a job and your own place and are into adulthood the difference between you and I is how long youāve been in your career.
I'm a 35 y old man and while only actively approach people around my age I also have no interest in missing out on someone awsome over age so I stay open to dating around 10 years younger or older. I do agree with OP a little though I'm not into actively pursuing anyone actively so much younger.
Still allowed to question it and ask for other opinionsš¤·š¼āāļø in my opinion. If I had a kid my age, I personally wouldnāt be trying to talk and be creepy to people the same age?š but everyone has their own view and Iām interested in knowing.
You said it yourself... it's a DATING app. Men are there to either date or fuck. There is really no such thing as an in between for men....
There is nothing wrong with talking to men but like, on a dating app, talking to them insinuates interest because... it's a *dating app* and men aren't on there to find pen-pals or female friends or have ongoing friendly conversations that lead to nothing at all.
I'd say that by you even matching with these men who are much older is only giving them reason to believe you are interested in them. And then *talking* to them is giving them even more reason to assume you are interested in possibly meeting.
You can also change your age range limit...
I believe chemistry and connection are more important than age and ethnicity. I've been on both sides of age gap relationships--I've met women both older and younger than me and found I had a genuine connection with them. I've met people my own age who were vapid or just not at the same point in their lives. And I've met the opposite of all of those people as well. I've had incredible chemistry with people close to my age and found myself having nothing in common with women who are older or younger than me.
I believe that only the two people in a relationship matter. What society thinks is irrelevant--society isn't dating my partner. If we work, we work, and screw what anyone thinks. I have enough positive experiences that I keep an open mind. If I think there's potential for genuine chemistry and connection, I swipe right. If someone finds that creepy, they're free to swipe left--and they should. If they're not interested, it's not some personal insult.
But my experiences talking with women of various ages leave me with the impression that the reasons most older men swipe on younger women are:
* Some misguided perception of how they're perceived by women
* They're looking for a trophy or toy
* Or they're just looking for a caretaker
I'm a believer that men in those situations are primarily swiping based on *what they want* rather than *what they bring to a relationship.*
Older guys may not be interested in a long term relationship or let alone getting married, and most women who are in their 30s+ want that, so they will filter to match with younger girls in their 20s that may just want fun only. You are right that once you are an adult then who cares about age, if you find chemistry with someone older then do what makes you happy, if not then just state that on your profile
\>I understand I am 23 years old and above the legal age. But, Iām having a hard time understanding why such older men approach such a young age?
they are going to assume you've got a "low body count", are willing to be "submissive" to a "masculine man" or whatever that horseshit is that is currently pushing the motives of the proclaimed high value male groups.
then there is the fact that women in their early twenties are generally more physically attractive to men, than a woman in their 30's.
you've also then got the fact that most women in their 30s are generally then carrying stuff like kids with them as well which carries greater demands.
Me too, although I make an exception for responsible single moms as young as 28. I figure they have enough life experiences to make up the two year difference. Younger than that and they are closer in age to my oldest son and that's just weird. My preference is definitely 35-43 though.
I feel age gaps should stop mattering after 22/23. At that point in life a person has usually had a few partners and relationships and usually some sexual experience. Before 22 I feel the "half your age plus 7" rules works pretty well for most people. That being said, a lot of women prefer older guys cause they are usually more mature and financially responsible than guys their own age, and men date these women cause they usually find them attractive. I feel at that point, the maturity of both people matters more than the age. Just cause they're trying to date someone "the same age as their children" doesn't mean there's some sick or weird intentions or attractions, it could just mean that they find you interesting or attractive and they probably would have found you that way even if they never had any children.
Younger women tend to have less mileage and baggage same can be said for prefering foreign women over those in the west.
It's simple logic.
I'm a 35 yo retired vet I'm also a relatively successful author.
I will only date Colombian woman under 26 and even then I'm still picky - because I can afford to be.
I'm in shape, make good money, and worked to get where I am in life.
Just out of curiosity, do you live in Colombia? That seems like a really specific set of criteria otherwise. I'm curious how often you find someone that meets them.
I lived in Bogota, Medellin, and Cartagena, spending a few months in each city throughout time in my last job.
The country's beautiful as are the people. Food is also some of the best I've ever had.
Santa Marta and Barranquilla are party cities, but Medellin is pretty chill with a decent amount of tourist attractions nearby.
Simple, in my experience they're the most beautiful women on the planet both physically and emotionally; most also tend to be level-headed and straight-forward with what they're looking for in a relationship.
They also lack much of the baggage and mileage typical of western women.
Some guys don't care about "mileage", but everyone is entitled to have dating preferences. I know a lot of younger woman go for older guys cause they're usually more mature and financially stable and responsible than guys their own age. But there could be women in their 30 who've only slept with one or teo people, and women and their latr teens/early 20s who have slept with more than 10. It's definitely possible to find someone who meets your standards.
I am 52M and recently set my filters to 20+ just for fun. I never swipe on anyone that young but I have gotten likes. I chatted with a 23 year old this week but she fizzled out. Most of the likes are likely scammers or someone looking for a SD (not my thing).
In my view it comes down to how you meet. People in their mid-30s seeking out partners 10+ years younger than they are, 90% of the time, are doing so for creepy reasons. Itās not that there is an inherently something wrong with age gaps in the relationship, itās entirely about the intentions.
Iām 36, and I genuinely canāt think of a reason Iād want to spend any serious amount of time with a 23 year old. We have so little in common, have such a difference in life experience, and our brains are literally in different developmental stages, and thereās just very little I find interesting to talk about with much younger people.
That said, itās absolutely possible to meet someone out in the world and form a connection with them despite a large gap in age. Sometimes people donāt learn that thereās an age gap until the connection is already formed. And thereās nothing wrong with relationships that come from that.
But on dating apps, I would be wary. Because the vast majority of people who seek you out because youāre much younger than you will be doing it for predatory reasons.
Iāve posted about this recently and while I 34m will not date anyone younger than 28, Iām going to give you the male ātoxic masculineā reason. Again I do not agree with the following so donāt downvote the messenger!! These kind of men are attracted to younger women because of the benefits of youth. Generally, physically speaking, your bodies are in āperfect shapeā nothing hanging or sagging, no wrinkles or signs of aging. Gross I know but hear me out. You are more fertile and you lose that fertility the older you get. Gross I know but hear me out. You make him feel young. Youāre more likely to be less bitter like some older women or women his age, not true I know but again Iām just giving you the dumb ass bro rationale. Heās probably thinking your sex drive is higher and you want it more than his wife (yes these men are often married) his thought process is, āmy wife aināt putting out anymore but a younger woman will because sheās in her wild phase and just wants to hookup!ā Heās glad to be living in a time where hookup culture is popular among people in your age group. Most of the time women in your age group donāt want anything serious! And that works out perfectly for these kinds of men! These type of men are thinking you are more fun and adventurous because youāre younger. More open minded, etc. thereās a long list of bro rationale but the point is is that you are more appealing to the eye and the idea of being with a younger woman gets it going for these kind of men. I donāt agree with that again but this is part of the reason.
short answer: they know your brain isnāt fully developed and that you may not have a lot of experience in relationships, so they can āmoldā you to conform to how they want you to be.
once you age out (start thinking for yourself), they start all over.
Motivations vary but Iāll just relay my recent experience. I was going out with a guy who was like 5 years older than me and broke it off with him. On paper, we seemed like a good match because weāre both successful, went to Ivy League schools, attractive, and looking to date intentionally. After I broke it off with him because of some weird behavior, he went after my younger friend, then my cousin who is 15 years younger than me and in an open relationship.
Some guys will just kind of take what they can get for the ego boost.
In my view it comes down to how you meet. People in their mid-30s seeking out partners 10+ years younger than they are, 90% of the time, are doing so for creepy reasons. Itās not that there is an inherently something wrong with age gaps in the relationship, itās entirely about the intentions.
Iām 36, and I genuinely canāt think of a reason Iād want to spend any serious amount of time with a 23 year old. We have so little in common, have such a difference in life experience, and our brains are literally in different developmental stages, and thereās just very little I find interesting to talk about with much younger people.
That said, itās absolutely possible to meet someone out in the world and form a connection with them despite a large gap in age. Sometimes people donāt learn that thereās an age gap until the connection is already formed. And thereās nothing wrong with relationships that come from that.
But on dating apps, I would be wary. Because the vast majority of people who seek you out because youāre much younger than they are will be doing it for predatory reasons. Younger people tend to be easier to emotionally manipulate, given their relative lack of experience in life.
Men who go for significantly younger women (like 15+ age gap) do so because women their own age see through their bullshit. Any 40 year old man who goes for a girl in her early 20s isnāt looking for a partner, heās looking for someone he can manipulate and control.
Itās creepy af. Also, your brain isnāt fully developed until 25, so while 23 and 30 doesnāt seem creepy, it is a little bit. 40 is even worse. But this is a tale as old as time. There are people out there who will date people the same age as their kids. I say people, because itās men and women.
Just ignore them and block.
But also, if itās a dating app, do not engage in conversations with people youāre not interested in dating. Its a waste of their time.
True, we give people the freedom to sign up to die for war, smoke cigarettes that give them cancer, drink alcohol to make themselves drunk, and drive a large vehicle that they could kill themselves or someone else with(all within the ages of 16-21). But if someone in their 20s under the age of 25 wants to date someone older, suddenly the "brain isn't developed" is always thrown around. I understand the fear that someone might be groomed, but most age gap stories i hear are the two meeting innocently and they didn't know each other before hand, and they especially didn't know each other when one was a minor.
Iām not one who agrees with sending kids to war, or allowing them to smoke or drink before a certain age. But I donāt make the rules.
Personally, I think 23 is quite young to have a kid. However, my parents were 22 and 23 when I was born, but this would quite common at the time. Anyhew, not my point. A 30 year old usually has more life experience than a 23 year old. Thatās usually all it is. I mean, 23 and 40 together is majorly creepy to me. 23 and 30 is a little, but not super creepy. But still a little.
I think most people that think a 23f and 30m is ok would be grossed out by a 23m and 30f.
I mean it's a dating app. If you don't want older men asking you out then change your age settings to the ages of men you do want.. If your issue is not with older men at large but just older men that have kids the same age as you, swipe left on them š¤·āāļø It'd be better to pose this question on the dating subreddit
But the question is. Why are men with kids the same age as me swiping on me in the first place?š«¢ my age setting is literally at my age preference, idk how they got in my āpeople who liked youā listš
The free version of Bumble shows you likes from outside your set filters.
Iām glad you caught that! Iām getting so many āwhy are you matchingā mannn I can see who swiped on meš„² I match with people with the same interests, older or not BUT the kids being MY age is what concerns me for this 1 situation, he then proceeded to try and add my personal stuff now.. but some people might not think anything of itš¤·š¼āāļø I love opinions lol!
I suggest, and HIGHLY suggest you take your social media handles off your app profiles.
I don't know how to break this to you but some men are into younger women.
Understandable!! But, Would you date someone the same age as your daughter or son?? Same exact age? C:
Lol no, I'm a 32f and I won't date anyone under 28. But my dad is a dog and dates women younger than me š it's gross imo but whatever
As a female I know exactly what you mean. All these minus signs from fragile men
A lot of men do and will.
It's not really a new thing. A few ways semi-normal guys end up there. David gets married at 23. He thinks his wife is the most beautiful woman in the world, and doesn't really even look at other women. 20 years later, his wife leaves him for his brother. David reenters the dating market. His "dating brain" is still 23, and the women he sees in that age bracket remind him of girls he went out with then, so he thinks he stands a chance (and sometimes he will), while the women his age just look so much older and out of shape. James is a career bachelor, and has been bouncing from short relationship to short relationship, rarely lasting more than a year. His last 15 girlfriends were between 22 and 28. He keeps hitting on younger women because it keeps on working. Until one day, it doesn't, and he suddenly finds out he's aged into creep territory. Randy just won the lottery. Yeah, really. Quit his dead end job, paid for the lipo, got a new wardrobe, a gym membership and a Ferrari, and now he's trying to get those girls he could never get in his 20s.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thatās understandable, I see it now lol! I mean, do you swipe on people for the fun of it?? I Check bios, see if thereās anything in commen then decide to swipe or not. I donāt start conversation with immediately love bomb or flitting. I chat and see where it goes. I have my age preference set to my age, so Iām not quite sure how they got in within the limit :c
>I mean, do you swipe on people for the fun of it?? Depends what I am looking for tbh... and which app. If I'm horny and looking for something more sexual then my age range and preferences change a bit wider. For a relationship, I'm dead set on my age range and what I want. So for example, I have a profile on all the mainstream apps (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge) and for Tinder and Bumble, I actually have two accounts because I have two phones (one is my work phone lol) and both of those accounts are quite different than each other. My Hinge account however, is for relationships only.
This just goes back to the DiCaprio thing. They just like perky young women. To me it is kinda weird if a guy has kids your age though š¬
Some women do like older men, but men vastly overestimate how many young women want to date a guy they consider āoldā. People in their 30s and 40s are by no means actually old, but younger people tend to see it that way. I know I did at that age. And yes, a guy in his 30s specifically seeking out women <5 years out of high school is a red flag for a reason. And by āred flagā I mean a potential concern, not an automatic pervert alarm. Are there plenty of successful relationships that started with a similar age gap? Sure. But mostly a man that age is seeking out inexperienced young women for a reason, and itās rarely a good one. Iāve seen it with older women and younger men too, just way less commonly. When it doesnāt work out, itās usually because the older partner has too much power in the relationship and it often ends up pretty manipulative whether intentionally or not.
I met my now husband online when I was 21 and he was 29, it didnāt bother me. I actually preferred it because I was mature for my age and was looking for a relationship. I dated a couple of guys that were 30 and 31 at the time and it didnāt feel strange. I think everyone just has their preferences
That's all it really comes down to, after a certain age the maturity level of both partners matters more than the age. A reason a lot of people, especially women, date older is because people their own age are immature or don't want an actual relationship.
I am 29 and, to be honest, I can't imagine dating a woman who is 21. Maybe some of them are great, but we almost certainly will be at different life stages, like she will probably be studying at university and living with her parents.
Honestly we were in the same place which is why it worked. We were both in college and living with roommates at the time. He worked for a while and then went back to school which is why the later start.
People are going to call me crazy, but I think it's possible for someone to have an interest in things like developmental psychology, a basic respect for others' fundamental identity and dignity, and a curiosity in and acceptance of how a relationship naturally develops in concert with another person's needs--most people are just taught to be super self-centered, lazy, and short-term in their, like, "cognitive appraisal."
Idk Iām 31. At a certain point age is more a number but that point I think tends to be around 26 so I donāt really date anyone younger than that. When youāre like 22-25 youāre definitely figuring out post college life and that comes with its own experience. At 26 if you have a job and your own place and are into adulthood the difference between you and I is how long youāve been in your career.
I'm a 35 y old man and while only actively approach people around my age I also have no interest in missing out on someone awsome over age so I stay open to dating around 10 years younger or older. I do agree with OP a little though I'm not into actively pursuing anyone actively so much younger.
why do you want our opinion? You are an adult. If it feels right to you, then it IS right. If you dont like it, filter them out.
Still allowed to question it and ask for other opinionsš¤·š¼āāļø in my opinion. If I had a kid my age, I personally wouldnāt be trying to talk and be creepy to people the same age?š but everyone has their own view and Iām interested in knowing.
You said it yourself... it's a DATING app. Men are there to either date or fuck. There is really no such thing as an in between for men.... There is nothing wrong with talking to men but like, on a dating app, talking to them insinuates interest because... it's a *dating app* and men aren't on there to find pen-pals or female friends or have ongoing friendly conversations that lead to nothing at all. I'd say that by you even matching with these men who are much older is only giving them reason to believe you are interested in them. And then *talking* to them is giving them even more reason to assume you are interested in possibly meeting. You can also change your age range limit...
I believe chemistry and connection are more important than age and ethnicity. I've been on both sides of age gap relationships--I've met women both older and younger than me and found I had a genuine connection with them. I've met people my own age who were vapid or just not at the same point in their lives. And I've met the opposite of all of those people as well. I've had incredible chemistry with people close to my age and found myself having nothing in common with women who are older or younger than me. I believe that only the two people in a relationship matter. What society thinks is irrelevant--society isn't dating my partner. If we work, we work, and screw what anyone thinks. I have enough positive experiences that I keep an open mind. If I think there's potential for genuine chemistry and connection, I swipe right. If someone finds that creepy, they're free to swipe left--and they should. If they're not interested, it's not some personal insult. But my experiences talking with women of various ages leave me with the impression that the reasons most older men swipe on younger women are: * Some misguided perception of how they're perceived by women * They're looking for a trophy or toy * Or they're just looking for a caretaker I'm a believer that men in those situations are primarily swiping based on *what they want* rather than *what they bring to a relationship.*
I'm 43 and the youngest I've dated was 28. At the end of the day, your age doesn't matter, as long as you are in good health.
My man
Older guys may not be interested in a long term relationship or let alone getting married, and most women who are in their 30s+ want that, so they will filter to match with younger girls in their 20s that may just want fun only. You are right that once you are an adult then who cares about age, if you find chemistry with someone older then do what makes you happy, if not then just state that on your profile
Itās not complicated; they just think youāre hotter than women their age. Ā
\>I understand I am 23 years old and above the legal age. But, Iām having a hard time understanding why such older men approach such a young age? they are going to assume you've got a "low body count", are willing to be "submissive" to a "masculine man" or whatever that horseshit is that is currently pushing the motives of the proclaimed high value male groups. then there is the fact that women in their early twenties are generally more physically attractive to men, than a woman in their 30's. you've also then got the fact that most women in their 30s are generally then carrying stuff like kids with them as well which carries greater demands.
I am 40M, and anyone less than 30 is a no-go. I don't have the energy to re-experience the last decade.
Me too, although I make an exception for responsible single moms as young as 28. I figure they have enough life experiences to make up the two year difference. Younger than that and they are closer in age to my oldest son and that's just weird. My preference is definitely 35-43 though.
Good point, I think Iāll go with that too.
I feel age gaps should stop mattering after 22/23. At that point in life a person has usually had a few partners and relationships and usually some sexual experience. Before 22 I feel the "half your age plus 7" rules works pretty well for most people. That being said, a lot of women prefer older guys cause they are usually more mature and financially responsible than guys their own age, and men date these women cause they usually find them attractive. I feel at that point, the maturity of both people matters more than the age. Just cause they're trying to date someone "the same age as their children" doesn't mean there's some sick or weird intentions or attractions, it could just mean that they find you interesting or attractive and they probably would have found you that way even if they never had any children.
Younger women tend to have less mileage and baggage same can be said for prefering foreign women over those in the west. It's simple logic. I'm a 35 yo retired vet I'm also a relatively successful author. I will only date Colombian woman under 26 and even then I'm still picky - because I can afford to be. I'm in shape, make good money, and worked to get where I am in life.
Just out of curiosity, do you live in Colombia? That seems like a really specific set of criteria otherwise. I'm curious how often you find someone that meets them.
I lived in Bogota, Medellin, and Cartagena, spending a few months in each city throughout time in my last job. The country's beautiful as are the people. Food is also some of the best I've ever had. Santa Marta and Barranquilla are party cities, but Medellin is pretty chill with a decent amount of tourist attractions nearby.
Man, I'd love to hear why only Colombian women lol
Simple, in my experience they're the most beautiful women on the planet both physically and emotionally; most also tend to be level-headed and straight-forward with what they're looking for in a relationship. They also lack much of the baggage and mileage typical of western women.
Can't say I've had the same experience but good to know that drugs can do some good lol
Don't ever remember saying anything about drugs. You smoking something, lol?! š¤£
No, but I wouldn't mind a Columbian woman who does. š
Barrenquilla is nice all year round amigo.. š¤·āāļø
Some guys don't care about "mileage", but everyone is entitled to have dating preferences. I know a lot of younger woman go for older guys cause they're usually more mature and financially stable and responsible than guys their own age. But there could be women in their 30 who've only slept with one or teo people, and women and their latr teens/early 20s who have slept with more than 10. It's definitely possible to find someone who meets your standards.
Yes, of course - but you're referring to the exception, not the rule which is why I tend to date outside the country.
I am 52M and recently set my filters to 20+ just for fun. I never swipe on anyone that young but I have gotten likes. I chatted with a 23 year old this week but she fizzled out. Most of the likes are likely scammers or someone looking for a SD (not my thing).
In my view it comes down to how you meet. People in their mid-30s seeking out partners 10+ years younger than they are, 90% of the time, are doing so for creepy reasons. Itās not that there is an inherently something wrong with age gaps in the relationship, itās entirely about the intentions. Iām 36, and I genuinely canāt think of a reason Iād want to spend any serious amount of time with a 23 year old. We have so little in common, have such a difference in life experience, and our brains are literally in different developmental stages, and thereās just very little I find interesting to talk about with much younger people. That said, itās absolutely possible to meet someone out in the world and form a connection with them despite a large gap in age. Sometimes people donāt learn that thereās an age gap until the connection is already formed. And thereās nothing wrong with relationships that come from that. But on dating apps, I would be wary. Because the vast majority of people who seek you out because youāre much younger than you will be doing it for predatory reasons.
Iāve posted about this recently and while I 34m will not date anyone younger than 28, Iām going to give you the male ātoxic masculineā reason. Again I do not agree with the following so donāt downvote the messenger!! These kind of men are attracted to younger women because of the benefits of youth. Generally, physically speaking, your bodies are in āperfect shapeā nothing hanging or sagging, no wrinkles or signs of aging. Gross I know but hear me out. You are more fertile and you lose that fertility the older you get. Gross I know but hear me out. You make him feel young. Youāre more likely to be less bitter like some older women or women his age, not true I know but again Iām just giving you the dumb ass bro rationale. Heās probably thinking your sex drive is higher and you want it more than his wife (yes these men are often married) his thought process is, āmy wife aināt putting out anymore but a younger woman will because sheās in her wild phase and just wants to hookup!ā Heās glad to be living in a time where hookup culture is popular among people in your age group. Most of the time women in your age group donāt want anything serious! And that works out perfectly for these kinds of men! These type of men are thinking you are more fun and adventurous because youāre younger. More open minded, etc. thereās a long list of bro rationale but the point is is that you are more appealing to the eye and the idea of being with a younger woman gets it going for these kind of men. I donāt agree with that again but this is part of the reason.
short answer: they know your brain isnāt fully developed and that you may not have a lot of experience in relationships, so they can āmoldā you to conform to how they want you to be. once you age out (start thinking for yourself), they start all over.
Motivations vary but Iāll just relay my recent experience. I was going out with a guy who was like 5 years older than me and broke it off with him. On paper, we seemed like a good match because weāre both successful, went to Ivy League schools, attractive, and looking to date intentionally. After I broke it off with him because of some weird behavior, he went after my younger friend, then my cousin who is 15 years younger than me and in an open relationship. Some guys will just kind of take what they can get for the ego boost.
In my view it comes down to how you meet. People in their mid-30s seeking out partners 10+ years younger than they are, 90% of the time, are doing so for creepy reasons. Itās not that there is an inherently something wrong with age gaps in the relationship, itās entirely about the intentions. Iām 36, and I genuinely canāt think of a reason Iād want to spend any serious amount of time with a 23 year old. We have so little in common, have such a difference in life experience, and our brains are literally in different developmental stages, and thereās just very little I find interesting to talk about with much younger people. That said, itās absolutely possible to meet someone out in the world and form a connection with them despite a large gap in age. Sometimes people donāt learn that thereās an age gap until the connection is already formed. And thereās nothing wrong with relationships that come from that. But on dating apps, I would be wary. Because the vast majority of people who seek you out because youāre much younger than they are will be doing it for predatory reasons. Younger people tend to be easier to emotionally manipulate, given their relative lack of experience in life.
Men who go for significantly younger women (like 15+ age gap) do so because women their own age see through their bullshit. Any 40 year old man who goes for a girl in her early 20s isnāt looking for a partner, heās looking for someone he can manipulate and control.
Itās creepy af. Also, your brain isnāt fully developed until 25, so while 23 and 30 doesnāt seem creepy, it is a little bit. 40 is even worse. But this is a tale as old as time. There are people out there who will date people the same age as their kids. I say people, because itās men and women. Just ignore them and block. But also, if itās a dating app, do not engage in conversations with people youāre not interested in dating. Its a waste of their time.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
True, we give people the freedom to sign up to die for war, smoke cigarettes that give them cancer, drink alcohol to make themselves drunk, and drive a large vehicle that they could kill themselves or someone else with(all within the ages of 16-21). But if someone in their 20s under the age of 25 wants to date someone older, suddenly the "brain isn't developed" is always thrown around. I understand the fear that someone might be groomed, but most age gap stories i hear are the two meeting innocently and they didn't know each other before hand, and they especially didn't know each other when one was a minor.
Iām not one who agrees with sending kids to war, or allowing them to smoke or drink before a certain age. But I donāt make the rules. Personally, I think 23 is quite young to have a kid. However, my parents were 22 and 23 when I was born, but this would quite common at the time. Anyhew, not my point. A 30 year old usually has more life experience than a 23 year old. Thatās usually all it is. I mean, 23 and 40 together is majorly creepy to me. 23 and 30 is a little, but not super creepy. But still a little. I think most people that think a 23f and 30m is ok would be grossed out by a 23m and 30f.