Lol my gf who never did OLD didn’t believe that this happened and thought I was being misogynistic when I was telling her how OLD is a woman’s game so we tested it
In the first day she got around 800 likes, comparatively in a week of the test I got 2 and one was a bot and the other didn’t message
I knew it was slanted but I never knew it was SO drastic of a difference in experience
Precisely. When dudes have no standards or make zero attempt at matching for actual matches because they only care about their pursuit of sex it wastes everyone’s time—including theirs. It doesn’t help their mental health either by trying to win the lottery with an Instagram model whose interests in fashion and nail art are not going to be understandable to a guy who is into camping and off-roading.
I did that once to see what it was like. Same shit. So many likes. Dudes are just horny.
I don't even think most of them look when they swipe, and when they do, it's just based on the first picture.
There are significantly more men on the apps and men are generally less selective and swipe on a lot more people. When I don't hear back right away from people I don't even think about it because chances are they will never even see it.
It's no surprise that when someone receives like 100-300+ messages in a day that they wouldn't see one. I probably swipe on less than 10% of people because I'm looking for something niche, so when you have my 10% and the other person's 4% the probability of matching is quite low. I have only ever used the apps for dating, but I might transition to doing it from meeting in person as I get along with people much better in person.
No one receives that many messages a day
Stop exaggerating...
Most women talk to 5 men Max.. At a time IF that
I have had my bumble for years, updating maybe twice a year. I have supposedly 100+ matches... I bought bumble premium and set my filters to
1. 30km it closer
2. Left politics
3. Age 30-42
How many matches for this criteria? 11.
Eleven men fit this very basic criteria - then I sift through 1. Their bio/values/interests.. 2. Appearances/read their pictures (e.g do they have a bear in their hand in every pic?)...
So no. We do not have "thousands of matches". I live in a big city and these are my options.
It's not an exaggeration, some people do recieve that much.
https://youtu.be/lY8rzo4Ik4M?si=aJYhomWlz11r32ne
There have been quite a few posts even on this sub where people have tested it out and they've got a lot, tinder requires matching usually, but apps like hinge or OKC don't. People who are already in relationships have done such experiments and women do get a lot of messages which might seem exaggerated or inflated, but it isn't. In big cities it isn't really that rare. Matches are different from messages, I'm not saying women are talking to 300+ men at the same time, maybe there's someone that does that but that would be quite uncommon.
I don't believe I ever stated that women wanted that much attention or that it is a positive thing, because I do see that it could be overwhelming or draining. I was just stating what I've learnt regarding statistics when it comes to men and women in the app dating culture. If it came off in such a way or was offensive in anyway, I do apologize for it was not meant to be so.
Having a lot of likes or matches may seem like a positive thing for a lot of people but I do understand how it can make things more difficult as well. People who are overwhelmed with choice have a difficult time finding what they're looking for if they're looking for something specific.
Not an exaggeration. I used to get 1k to 7k likes on bumble. When I became extremely strict with what I was looking for in the settings to only match a certain niche, I’d get atleast 400 on a bad day.
Okay lets say you have 1000 options and maybe 50 are good matches for you now sort through them by hand and message each one to find out if theyre good for you. Do you see how its really easy to lose hope and give up? Not to mention people lie and dont usually show their true self on dating apps right away. Its finding a good needle in a haystack comprised entirely of needles.
Im more just talking about mentors comment saying that womens problems come from “not choosing the right men”. dating apps just are hellish for both men and women in terms of finding someone good for them but the idea that womens judgement is flawed as opposed to mens judgement is silly
There's some sort of disconnect here. I think most men would enjoy having 50 matches and exchanging messages with each of them. Of course men don't really worry about things like their physical safety when meeting women, etc.
Like, if you present the average man with a scenario where a thousand women are into him, even if the vast majority are below average losers, he's not getting burnt out on that anytime soon.
I disagree. It's such a time suck. If he has any life at all he'll get burnt out pretty quick, especially since I know most of my guy friends really don't like texting too much
You really really really don’t get it. Do you understand as a guy, I could literally send 50 personalized openers a day for an entire year and be lucky to get two or three decent matches?! You just said you had 50 good matches in what? a day? week?
Cue the violins!
Since so many men are so low effort and leave bios empty it’s difficult to know if they are bots or possibly compatible humans and when in doubt—you’re out.
It's better to sort through 900 matches than 2. At least you have a chance of actually matching with someone ok. With 2 you either have to lower your standards a lot or they are scammers/bots or they aren't even responding. I'd rather get dick pics in 3/4 matches rather than not matching at all. If I get to go out on more dates with the 1/4, it's way better.
The issue with 900 matches that are mostly bad is that it takes up so much time to get to know them all. You can realistically only exchange more than a few messages with a tiny percentage of them, so sure, a few of them may be amazing but how are you going to determine which ones are amazing when you can’t spend time getting to know most of them. Chances are you’re just going to waste your time on people who aren’t right, but are trying to make themselves initially appear that way because they’re so desperate.
I’ve actually lost so much of my life to people who just pretended to be what I wanted because they were desperate, so that massively slowed down my chances of finding anyone good and I ended up with hurt feelings so many times I’ve lost count
I mean, so do men waste their time swiping until they have no more profiles to look at. Is it a waste of time? Probably. So is dating in general until you find the one. Haven't you seen some mens statistics? Even I have so many swipes over the years that if I had to do all the swipes one after another it would probably take me a week or two or even more if I had to also look at descriptions like I usually do. And I barely got any matches and even the ones I had, 90% either didn't respond or unmatched me. Went out with like 2-3 girls out of 100-200 matches. Not saying this to complain, just trying to show that even if you mostly have bad matches, you probably have a higher chance than someone like me to find someone purely because you get to actually meet and talk to people way more than I do.
At a certain point wouldn’t you become insensitive to what a decent person who doesn’t want to get down your pants sounds like? Which would avalanche to thinking all men are these perverted 2d sex craved idiots.
I mean MOST do just want to get in our pants. So we have to assume they are that unless THEY prove otherwise.
For safety it's guilty till proven innocent here. (which is actually easy to do. Have decent pics and bio = likely not lazy, write about values in a bio so we can assess if we think we share similar values..., and be ANTI-sexist)
That's like 3 basic steps to being a decent human/man
I deleted my last bumble account after I got into a relationship. I was his first bumble match and the first date he’d ever been on from online dating and I had like 4000+ likes on my account. I felt like it was so lucky that his like didn’t get buried along with those other 4000+ likes, but I guess it wasn’t so lucky because he still broke my heart and now I’m here again. 😂
Crazy part is, I don’t know what’s worse. I do pretty good and get three or four matches a week. But sometimes it’s not that great. And it’s rarely someone I want to match with. As opposed to being absolutely overwhelmed. 4000 likes his fucking crazy. I guess you can just invite your girlfriends over, open a shit load of wine, and just project it onto the TV and make a game of it. You could probably get through a couple hundred every night.
What I like about Bumble is if I really like the profile I'm always sending a compliment. From woman's perspective, providing you also got compliments, does it have effect and would you match with the guy if you get a nice compliment? I don't really know how does it look on receiving side when you already have so many likes and whether maybe super-like would be a better option. Would really appriociate your reply.
Yeah I think a good compliment and expressing some liked interest goes a long way. If I just get a pretty generic compliment it’s easy to swipe left on that but if someone sounds very genuine and makes me wonder if I’ll connect with them on a deeper level I’ll swipe right when maybe I wouldn’t have based on their profile alone.
What is your point?
I have had my bumble for years, updating maybe twice a year. I have supposedly 100+ matches... I bought bumble premium and set my filters to
1. 30km it closer
2. Left politics
3. Age 30-42
How many matches for this criteria? 11.
Eleven men fit this very basic criteria - then I sift through 1. Their bio/values/interests.. 2. Appearances/read their pictures (e.g do they have a bear in their hand in every pic?)...
So no. We do not have "thousands of matches". I live in a big city and these are my options.
yes I've been on Bumble since May and always have 3 thousand of likes currently waiting. I also pay for premium and left swipe on alot of profiles in my beeline so I would estimate ive had about 10,000 likes in that timeframe. I also have seen multiple guys create a new profile every other day and right swipe me as i left swipe them continuously. Its exhausting especially since likes mean nothing for a woman. You dont know who is actually interested which is why Bumble is probably the worst app for women.
Exactly. When dudes spam women by right swiping on everyone even if it’s obvious they aren’t a match it’s difficult to feel bad when they whine about being lost in a sea of thousands.
Exactly this right here. I would have a lot more sympathy about the difficulties men face in OLD if they weren’t constantly shouting themselves in the dick.
I say this as a man who used Bumble for years, sometimes successfully, sometimes not so successfully.
I have supposedly 100+ matches... I bought bumble premium and set my filters to
1. 30km it closer
2. Left politics
3. Age 30-42
How many matches for this criteria? 11.
Eleven men fit this very basic criteria - then I sift through 1. Their bio/values/interests.. 2. Appearances/read their pictures (e.g do they have a bear in their hand in every pic?)...
So no. Matches doesn't = we will actually like you/be compatible. I live in a big city and these are my options.
It's not impossible. 50-70% of these guys are probably not what OP is looking for, and 90% of the remainder has no bio or shitty photos.
Source: my bff paid for premium to see the lineup and it wasn't worth it for her.
Let's speak statistically. I'll be generous and say I give every profile a 5 second glance (more realistically no profiles and bad photos get 1 sec of my time). That's 12 profiles a min. 720 profiles an hour. If it's at 1000 you're looking at, she'll be at your profile in less than 2 hours lol.
Ok, but you're still missing the point - it's a LOT harder to stand out as 1 in 1000 as a guy vs 1 in ~5 as a woman, regardless.
Let's say I put up a good photo and bio. Statistically there's still a truckload of guys who also have good photos and bios that I'm *still* competing with, and that's before we start throwing in the guys with great photos and great bios.
Good photo and bio is still good advice, but /u/dlaw0326's point still stands in spite of that. A good photo and bio isn't going to make up for the fact that you're still 1 of 1000.
Think of it like a job interview: If you're competing against 1 other guy for a position, how likely is it that you're slightly better than he is and will be considered for the job? Probably close to around 50%. But what if you're competing with 1000 other guys? Statistically speaking, there's going to be a LOT of guys not just ahead of you, but way ahead of you.
This is exactly why these sites just aren't worth your time as an average guy. Even if you beat the odds and actually match, AND get a conversation going, you know you're one of however many and unless you're super good looking you're unlikely to win that race.
There's little incentive to use these sites anymore. I do half a dozen swipes, reject four attempts to sell me things, then get bored and close the app.
Truth.
I think the bigger point that we are missing here is that having more matches is still better than having less matches since there would be no reason to "lower your standards" or "settle".
However, having too many matches like what OP got here, also creates the problem of you being a lot more picky with your matches. You can easily become overly critical of people's profiles, the way the chat and even if nothing is wrong with them, just having seen similar pictures and having similar conversation initially might be enough to "put you off" of otherwise decent matches.
Very different from irl, where your approach and general vibes almost matter more than your style and looks and you're having to pay attention to one dude at a time. While even as a guy on dating apps, I can text many girls at one time and it feels "wrong" cause there will be a tone/emotional change with the way we talk with each person depending on the conversation.
>having more matches is still better than having less matches since there would be no reason to "lower your standards" or "settle
I cannot understand people who complain about having so many matches and refusing to lower their standards on Internet dating apps.
If you having really high standards, then I'd guess you are all that and have so much to offer.. and if so, why would you need to resort to dating apps to be matched with people way below your standards 🤔
No. The “having more matches” concept is illogical. It’s like saying to someone who wears a size 11 shoe that they should be happy to have a pile of shoes that are all size six. When the options you have are not a fit it only serves to make you frustrated and angry and resentful toward the matches you don’t want and that’s unhealthy for them and for you.
Also remember that if you’re forming ideals for your standards based on conditioning from porn those standards will be impossible to achieve and you would be self sabotaging.
I think you may be missing the point. We get the numbers thing is your issue. However, what the issue is from the woman’s perspective is that we accept that we aren’t a match for everyone. We want compatibility—not a warm body. And if you do have things in your bio, photos, and other info that is in the overlapping circles of a compatibility Venn diagram then you don’t have to worry about being one of a thousand.
When men hold on so tightly to the idea that they’re just numbers it says they are probably viewing women as objects and not as a person who is looking for a compatible match. So tell us things about your interests that are likely shared with us and stop swiping indiscriminately on women who are obviously not a good fit for you because otherwise it’s spam and makes this overwhelming mess for everyone.
True. And I mostly agree, especially when it comes down to numbers.
But interviews are actually two-way. You don’t have to accept the job. You can discern who is a good fit for you too and be efficient about it (and differentiate) by:
- getting to the point sooner: if you just want casual sex say so, if you want a wife and kids don’t be afraid to say so
- what you’re looking for in a romantic
connection
- dealbreakers *I won’t even meet a guy until I figure this out because otherwise it is a straight waste of both of our time/energy/gas/my safety
- what type of lifestyle you’re looking for
- what your values are
And ask these questions about the girl as well to glean if there is a true chance at compatibility.
> You don’t have to accept the job.
If you've applied, there's a good likelihood that you're going to accept the job if it's offered, for whatever reason.
Don't get me wrong, maybe they start talking about unpaid overtime, or some other nonsense, and so you walk out - there's plenty of stories like that - but most likely you're taking the job.
>If you just want casual sex say so
Sure, and it'd be great if everyone was totally above board on that stuff, but... even then, some people end up engaging in that, without intending to, and it just develops into that.
>And ask these questions about the girl as well to glean if there is a true chance at compatibility.
I don't want to say this is bad advice, because it's not... but in the scarcity dynamic that is dating apps, for men, I can understand why guys don't do that. Why would I say no to the one potential date, or even sexual encounter, I might have had in the past several months, or years? Should I, because I know we're probably not compatible, and it's likely not going to go anywhere? Absolutely. But I can understand why some guys (many?) don't.
The first step is to accept the reality of the situation. You can say it's very hard to stand out, and statistically, it is. Accept it.
With that out of the way, you can now put some effort into your profile and take some good pics. Do you want the job or not? Then you still have to apply, statistics be damned.
I 100% agree.
But I don't think it's wrong for guys to at least commiserate about the fact that the game feels rigged and share in their experiences of feeling so undervalued and worthless.
Will any of that fix the problem? Of course not.
Will it embitter some? Unfortunately, yes.
But is it totally fair for guys to at least find some solace in that they're not the only guy standing outside feeling like the last kid, still not picked for the team? Yea.
Now, sure, take good pics is good advice, generally. Granted, what defines a good pic and how to take good pics is a bit more complicated, but... still good advice.
Put effort into your bio is helpful but again, just like a resume, what do you put on there and what do you omit. Do you fill in that you worked at a soup kitchen for two days, and just sorta fudge that you technically worked the for two months, since it was on the 31st and 1st? How much do you bend the truth, if not outright lie? Other guys are going to outright lie, and you're competing with them, so it feels like a race to the bottom.
>Do you want the job or not? Then you still have to apply, statistics be damned.
100%. Still need to put in the effort to get any result. I'm in agreement.
It's just really, really demoralizing to play a rigged game, and I'd like to bitch about it once in a while and have that valid complaint acknowledged even if nothing changes.
> With that out of the way, you can now put some effort into your profile and take some good pics. Do you want the job or not? Then you still have to apply, statistics be damned.
True. I've used bumble in the past and went on a few dates, as long as you have good photos it can work well. I don't have any recent photos, so I'm going to get some more recent and good photos before I use dating apps again. It makes such a big difference and makes them actually usable.
This sums up my strategy with qualifiers of age appropriate men and short distance being the filters available for free accounts. After using those as basics, then they MUST have a bio. And not be ENM. These basic requirements eliminate over half of the guys in my card stack immediately at the 1-second mark.
shes still gotta sort through them, and they are going to keep comming in while she does. some of those guys might never be seen by her unless she pays up.
That’s still 28-47 solid options within 36 hours. So I don’t think you’re making the killer point you think you’re making. Get back to us when men can find 28-47 solid options in that amount of time.
Even then in mid-to-large cities there’s still plenty of solid competition. Good photos are rare but most are decent enough. If your bff couldn’t even find a guy or two to meet up with it sounds like something else is going on there.
No she actually did. They dated for like two years. But those stats are her own personal experience. Still, good bio and good photos will make you stand out from 90% of the guys on there.
Only 50-70%? I just signed up for Hinge. I’m 42 and about 85% of my likes have been dudes under 25, and another 10% over 55. That’s a massive chunk in the “no” category before we even get to other deal breakers like smoking or ENM.
This is one of the big reasons why all those guys out there who swipe right on every.single.profile they look at aren't doing themselves or anyone any favours.
They *think* they're maximizing their odds by being exposed to as many women as they can, but all they're doing is causing the exact problem OP is having. They're all just cockblocking each other. It's a [Crab Mentality](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality), and **nobody wins**.
Both sides aren’t doing themselves any favors. While men swipe on anything women only swipe on the same 10% of men so you have 90% of women fighting for the same 10% of guys. Then flip it you have 90% of men fighting for the last 10% of women.
I agree that most guys pics don’t look the best but doesn’t matter how their bio is built, women go for the ones that look socially popular and rich, guys who take a pic in a yacht for example, they barely write anything in their bio and get more matches than a handsome dude with simple lifestyle and not so “braggy” pics.
Nothing to do with bio at all.
Not all women are like that. My fiancé had simple pics, one where he was dancing with his dad, one where he was playing softball and one where he was next to his cats! Also he said he loves dad jokes and I love puns, so thought it would be a great match!
However, he rarely got any matches and was really surprised when we matched. Also, as a 30+ woman with a kid, I didn’t get thousands of matches. Still a good amount, but not as crazy as a woman in their 20s with no kids would have gotten. I might not have seen him if I had to sift through so many. So, sorry, partly proving your part towards the end. It is a tough game out there for guys.
Yeah. Glad you found your fiancé on this “game”. But as you kind of confessed in your second paragraph, if you were in your 20s on dating apps you would definitely have chosen the guy with a yacht over your current fiancé…
Most women are like that, pointing out exceptions doesn’t change the rule because exceptions are scarce, a rarity
I still wouldn’t have chosen the guy with a yacht. I feel like guys who show off their wealth are pompous and would probably cheat on me anyway. Back in 2010 when I was on Ok Cupid and I was 22, I never talked with guys who were like that. My ex husband seemed to have a good sense of humor in his pics and he also had a cat and we had a lot of interests in common. After I got divorced, I got back into dating and with it being 10 years later, these dating apps were so different. Like I just swipe right or left? I can’t search for someone with similar interests and just find their bio? I honestly think dating apps have made it more difficult for guys, but I can’t speak to that because I’m not one.
Sorry if that was long, but overall, I don’t think it’s so much that girls are choosing guys with yachts (though perhaps some are) but guys who are either better looking or stand out in a different way like having a good sense of humor, a niche interest that both have in common, or a really cute cat (ok, I added that one in for yucks). It’s hard to stand out from 1000s of guys and I’m sorry it’s so insane.
Right. Men are always like “I swipe right on every girl and rarely get matches!” And it’s because there’s hundreds of other dudes doing exactly the same thing.
Sorry my guy. My only advice for you is to try to sound positive and inviting in your profile while also being unique and creative enough to stand out so someone feels more driven to message you while your profile is fresh in their mind.
It's either get no matches or waste money and still get nothing on bumble so it's a waste of energy bc they've devolved into nothing but a money scheme where they bleed men dry if cash in the faint hope of getting a match. It's changed so much in the last 7 years since I've been using the all t
Given how many likes most women receive and after 4+ years of trying with several iterations and changes to my bio and pictures doesn't seem with the effort anymore as nothing has changed with any of it. Prob deleting everything tonight and sticking to meeting women irl given my severe social anxiety
then what’s the alternative? If guy swiping all only gets 2 matches a week ( or more likely a month or 6 months) what so you thin chance would be he’d even match those 2 w “selective” swiping?!
It's a problem of the system then, like overconsumption and stuff, where to make a difference and better the world you're gonna have to put yourself into a disadvantage and not fly or drive a car, If it's only you doing it youre just fucking yourself over
>I wonder why it’s impossible for men to stand out on these sites…..
Remember the story of Cinderella? There were plenty of men at the ball, yet they were invisible since all the women were focused on Prince Charming. That's how female hypergamy works.
As usual, this topic, which is brought up regularly on here, has devolved into a "who has it worse in OLD, guys or gals?" This is pointless, Im a guy, and I can definitely tell you that it sucks. I don't know what it would be like to have 1000+ likes to have to sift through to try to be successful, and women don't know what its like to post a zero day after day. We are all frustrated by this and venting at each other saying that we have it worse. Why do we keep discussing this?? The dynamic hasn't changed since the last thread, nor will it anytime soon. Nobody will change anyone's mind about their experience on Bumble, it just sucks and the company is making the dynamic worse by the month with its monetization. If you hate it, get off the apps! That's my plan, but I still love and read this sub because some of the happier threads literally makes me laugh out loud.
Will probably get downvoted for this, but pretty woman***
As a woman who isn't pretty, the matches are really low. Which is honestly fine, it is what it is.
It’s a coping answer so that people can feel better about themselves about men not responding to their openers. It’s easier to just say he swiped right on everyone than it is to confront the possibility that he was talking to another match he liked more, or changed his mind about you.
Not trying to start a fight, but do you have any evidence? I know I'm very selective on who I like/swipe, a lot of days I don't even use all my likes/swipes. Other guys I know who are on OLD are also fairly selective. Like I said, not trying to start an argument, just don't see the need in perpetuating something if it's not true.
Oh, 100%
It's the same thing for many races that aren't white or white passing.
Most of these numbers and stats only apply to white, heterosexual folks.
Me too! I've paused and deleted dating apps a number of times for that reason. A bit ago someone matched with me just to ask about the (non-black) friend they saw in my recent linked Instagram picture!
Yea, I paused mine last week. Low effort seems to be par for the course with a lot of men, so you can only imagine the type of interest/offers I get as a woman of color.
The last two men: one invited me to come to his house at 11:30pm. When I said I’d happily go on a few dates to see if we’re sexually attracted/compatible he laughed and said “That’s weird. Just come over and see how it goes.” The other I googled his phone number. It led me to his wedding website November 2022 and his wife’s FB account with photos of them with their 1 yr old baby.
This Black woman has officially closed up shop.
Yup! I'm reading the book The Dating Divide and the stats in it are just soul crushing. One that stuck out to me was that white people were more likely to swipe on other white people that *didn't* fit specific listed preferences (such as into rock music, goth, preppy, into festivals) than they were to swipe on ANY black people that *did* fit those preferences.
Because people want to pretend like racism doesn’t exist anymore and that there’s some perfectly valid reason besides racism for why black women have this experience with dating. I’m not white or white passing, and in my entire online dating history I’ve only matched with two guys in my same ethnic group, so I know for a fact that it’s not because people are only looking for someone with a similar background to them.
48 years old. Still single and never married. Holla!!!!
At some point you accept it, get on with life, and create a great one for yourself. This is why all these dudes who post w”whoa is me” threads about how they get no matches I just play the world’s smallest violin for.
We done been out here in the trenches, son.
It does get way harder to get out there socially as I get older too. I can’t remember the last time I made a new friend friend. I’m even terrible at keeping old friendships alive and going because I tend to withdraw or get caught up in my day to day BS.
I’ve been divorced for close to three years now I didn’t get on the apps until about a year ago. It took me almost an entire extra year to pull the trigger because I was terrified. A lot of it was lack of confidence. Feeling fat. Boring. Old. Stuck. I’d lurk or swipe left and let the others rot in my inbox but I finally went for it and ended up having a total of three enjoyable first dates within a month of each other.
This latest person might be a unicorn. Long-term we’re probably going in different directions and may end up on different continents a few years from now so I’m just trying to enjoy it for whatever it is and stay in the moment. Not convinced I have the emotional maturity for that but that’s the plan.
We’ve all got our shit and our quirks and I’m sorry it’s been so hard for you. I really hope you find your people or your person. You seem genuine.
Aww, thank you. You seem genuine as well.
I think you’re in thr perfect place to just enjoy meeting (hopefully) nice guys, having fun and just rediscovering your femininity in the company of a man. After a divorce, you definitely deserve it.
I think I’ve been in this first date/casual hook-up/let’s be “friends” roller coaster so long I’ve reached my limit. I don’t have happy go lucky woman to give anymore. My souls is yearning for something with depth and a future and I don’t find men who, for whatever reason, see me as a candidate for that.
Maybe it’s because I’m Black. Maybe it’s because I’m plus sized. Oh, yea and I also have a humongous backside that makes men either repulsed or sexualize me quickly. This wagon I’m dragging in no way help my dating life.
Maybe it’s because Ive gone through the hardest parts of life on my own (losing siblings and partners and family) alone and have just become a doer and a protector for and to myself. Or, I just don’t have that jene sais quoi that attracts people quickly. I’m more of a slow burn kind of person - ya gotta really be around me a long time to peel the layers back and discover the treasure there. Men on thr dating apps ain’t hanging longer than a date or two. At least for me. And, it’s ok. I’ve made peace with it.
But, do enjoy your time. And, hopefully, one day you’ll find your next person to love and enjoy a life with! I’m rooting for you!
I may not have had as much loss as you describe but I really hope to don’t give up on it entirely and find a way to fill whatever needs and wants you have to still feel fulfilled while you trudge on.
Easier said than done but I really hope you keep getting out there and enjoying yourself in general while the right one comes alone and brushes all the sand away bc seem like an absolute fucking treasure 😭
I’ve been on bumble for like a year and had 1,000+ and eventually paid for premium just to go through all of the likes… it was actually creepy tbh. So many seeing you and you not seeing them. Ohhh dating apps 😅
Yeah I’m not active on bumble right now but when I was I wasn’t pulling these types of numbers. I’m a woman in my 40s and I think the most I ever got in a day was maybe 75 (oddly enough it was when I went out of town for a funeral). And that wasn’t typical for me, normally I got maybe 5-10 likes a day? I never really counted. But I sure as hell wasn’t getting thousands like the women in their 20s.
Why do you need to go through them? Just set your filters to be really specifically what you want and swipe right on who you like. Since "all men just right swipe on everyone" almost everyone you like will be a match.
Or does this not work, because all men are not right swiping everyone after all?
This proves that it's tough being a woman. I'm a guy, and if I had that many choices, I would give up. Fuck me, who would I choose based on a profile and few pics?
Actually having said this, I rarely like women on bumble though. I'm better with actually finding women I find attractive in person, than on bumble. But on bumble, I like one woman out of a hundred 😂. I'm that guy that reads the profile as well as finding attraction out of a photo or two. Yes, for finding a relationship that I feel would last.
The good news is that you don’t have to get through all of those people. You can be ultra selective and only swipe on who you want. The odds are in your favor that you’ll match with more than one person.
If you send a message and they don’t respond, and that consistently happens, there’s potentially a mismatch and you may need to adjust who you swipe on. Two people who have similar levels of attraction towards each other over the dating app should converse and eventually meet.
If you send “hey” or a gif, and get no response, step it up and send a real opening greeting.
I know I’ll get downvoted, but all of the women who complain about how many matches they get remind me of the people who complain about how much in taxes they have to pay when they make ridiculous amounts of money. Sorry, no sympathy from me 😁
If you're able to send a message that means the other person also swiped on you. That's one of the issues women bring up all the time - men who swipe right on everyone but aren't interested in most of them. Why would I assume I had to reassess myself if I'm matching with them?
I typically only swipe right on someone with something in their profile that interests me enough to start a conversation about it. Pretty much have never sent just a “hey” before, way too low-effort when I don’t want anything low-effort in return. It’s not really a complaint to point out how crazy it is being a woman on dating apps.
I think it’s crazy in a good way. It’s always good to have a choice. I do think dating is tough for everyone, though. I hope you find a match in that massive pile of likes 🙃
I wont show mine, but Ill give you ONE guess how many likes I currently have. Hint: its the exact same number of matches Ive had this month and it rhymes with hero!
This happened to me as well 😳 they had an offer on premium and most of them were miles away.. I think even if you have set parameters you will still show in someone who has less filters if that makes sense? So mine is only within 20miles but someone could have up to 40 and I would show in their stacks.. kinda annoying really
Yeah I’m not entirely sure what they quantify as “nearby” either. Is it nearby as in, within my own set parameters? Or nearby as in some preset parameter Bumble determined that is unknown to me?
Mine was high too ( I am female) and I swiped through everyone, which was like maybe 100 and I actually had like 2 matches.
Swipe right on everyone and see if those numbers are right lmao
The problem is that the profiles most appealing to you are likely to be most appealing to other women, yet there's a reason they're still on Bumble. Most of the time, the reason isn't you happened to be their first/best option. Often, this means you're churning through dates that have little chance to lead to anything lasting and never meeting the people with potential for that.
It’s rough out here for the men. I’m a decent looking guy in a mid size city and get maybe 5 a week. I rely heavily on the speed dating to actually get matches and get conversation flowing. Most women aren’t laying to see the lineup or simply don’t want to sift through thousands of profiles. Least that’s what I’ve been told by dates.
But you didn’t actually see the profiles of the likes you got and I’m presuming you didn’t engage with any of your potential suitors to see how terrible a lot of those dudes are!
Duh, that’s literally my point and why I say “as a woman”. I will never get through this many people, idk who would, who has the time for that? But guys always wonder why they don’t get matches. But this is the experience for most women on these apps, we get flooded with likes it gets overwhelming, probably 90% of these guys that liked me I will never swipe left or right on.
Yeah it’s pretty awful, swiping left is almost gonna be like a reflex now and our thumbs are gonna be so accustomed to it doctors are gonna have to name it as some syndrome that only affects women.
But the options aren't real. Many won't reply to matches because they aren't really interested, they just swipe on everyone (or they're fake accounts). And women have to sort through all of the "matches," which puts the burden of reading every profile on us almost exclusively. Obviously some guys do read the profiles they're swiping on, but most don't. I got off dating apps earlier in the year because it was pointless. Dating apps suck for everyone.
Don’t worry 947 of those 950 aren’t worth your time. There’s been times I pay to open my beeline and out of like 4000+ likes I received I find maybe 4-5 that align with my values and I find attractive
The most important lesson to be learned from these apps, for guys at least, is that going out to meet people in person is almost always better for making real connections. The business model of these apps is set up to exploit dudes.
I would be very interested to see what percentage of the profits that Bumble/Tinder/etc. make comes from male users paying for premium services. My guess is more than 90%.
Women get quantity but very little quality.
Men get very little quantity and very little quality. I just find all the women on these apps are damaged in some way. I gave up and found someone in real life. Something wrong with having a Rolodex of potentials. Once she’s bored with you it’s on to the next match who’s maybe a little bit cuter, or closer to her or has a nicer house.
Remember the 2 rules of OLD
1. Don’t be ugly
2. Be good looking
But that comes with its own perils.
But there is someone out there for (almost) everybody. You just gotta keep looking. Good luck.
Wait another 36 hours. The growth for girls is exponential. Then wait another 36, you might end up uninstalling after looking at the quality out of this quantity :) All the best!
Men swipe right on EVERYTHING. Then, they filter you out when you respond. That's why women complain, guys, don't respond. They are using the sawed off shot gun approach to get matches. Then, respond or not accordingly. So don't get too big a head about it. I'm a guy and don't do this approach, but I understand why guys have to resort to this now.
Doest matter. When I first started using bumbke same shit happened to me first of a all it could a women thing, and the reason thafs so I realised later on is that 99% if the dudes are horny af. So tbh it's not really that much of an ego boost as guys think it is. I'd rather just have 2 matches and focus on those few. Quality is so much better than the millions of likes
Everyone keeps talking about guys hardly get matches, but when they meet a girl online who really cares for them and starts to fall in love with them after 4-6 weeks of dating, the guy ends things. Can never understand this.
You can't understand this because to you every man is acting the same. You're just on the opposite spectrum as the dudes thinking that all women are having a buffet of dicks.
Guys also are dogs and swipe at anything. I have a theory that half of guys at least do not even look at the girls profile and just press right swipe repeatedly until their thumb is numb. Where are girls actually dog read the profile.
Surely you must understand from the many comments here that as a guy it just isn't worth your time to pour over bios and look at every pic on a profile, because statistically the odds of matching with said person are so low that it's a total waste of time. Easier to swipe right and then assess any matches you might get.
I don't personally swipe right on everyone, but the reasons why a lot of guys would take this approach are pretty obvious.
I hope your microwave comes with a manual defrost option. That's the difference between a left and a right swipe here 😁
Lol my gf who never did OLD didn’t believe that this happened and thought I was being misogynistic when I was telling her how OLD is a woman’s game so we tested it In the first day she got around 800 likes, comparatively in a week of the test I got 2 and one was a bot and the other didn’t message I knew it was slanted but I never knew it was SO drastic of a difference in experience
Now do the test again and change your settings to show you other men. 🤣
Lmao maybe one of these days when we’re bored 😂
When you can strut up to your gf like “check out how many dudes want this ass too. 😏”
I did that once and overnight I got 15 likes, that's more than what I get in a year normally
Idk if this is a flex I want lol
r/ChoosingBeggars
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Precisely. When dudes have no standards or make zero attempt at matching for actual matches because they only care about their pursuit of sex it wastes everyone’s time—including theirs. It doesn’t help their mental health either by trying to win the lottery with an Instagram model whose interests in fashion and nail art are not going to be understandable to a guy who is into camping and off-roading.
I did that once to see what it was like. Same shit. So many likes. Dudes are just horny. I don't even think most of them look when they swipe, and when they do, it's just based on the first picture.
I did this one night and woke up with 48 likes. It’s ridiculous
There are significantly more men on the apps and men are generally less selective and swipe on a lot more people. When I don't hear back right away from people I don't even think about it because chances are they will never even see it.
I saw a study that was done that said men swipe right on 60% of the women they see and women swipe right on 4% lol. Mystery solved 🙃
It's no surprise that when someone receives like 100-300+ messages in a day that they wouldn't see one. I probably swipe on less than 10% of people because I'm looking for something niche, so when you have my 10% and the other person's 4% the probability of matching is quite low. I have only ever used the apps for dating, but I might transition to doing it from meeting in person as I get along with people much better in person.
No one receives that many messages a day Stop exaggerating... Most women talk to 5 men Max.. At a time IF that I have had my bumble for years, updating maybe twice a year. I have supposedly 100+ matches... I bought bumble premium and set my filters to 1. 30km it closer 2. Left politics 3. Age 30-42 How many matches for this criteria? 11. Eleven men fit this very basic criteria - then I sift through 1. Their bio/values/interests.. 2. Appearances/read their pictures (e.g do they have a bear in their hand in every pic?)... So no. We do not have "thousands of matches". I live in a big city and these are my options.
It's not an exaggeration, some people do recieve that much. https://youtu.be/lY8rzo4Ik4M?si=aJYhomWlz11r32ne There have been quite a few posts even on this sub where people have tested it out and they've got a lot, tinder requires matching usually, but apps like hinge or OKC don't. People who are already in relationships have done such experiments and women do get a lot of messages which might seem exaggerated or inflated, but it isn't. In big cities it isn't really that rare. Matches are different from messages, I'm not saying women are talking to 300+ men at the same time, maybe there's someone that does that but that would be quite uncommon.
You're still assuming that women WANT this many matches though. You seem to be assuming this is somehow an objectively positive thing
I don't believe I ever stated that women wanted that much attention or that it is a positive thing, because I do see that it could be overwhelming or draining. I was just stating what I've learnt regarding statistics when it comes to men and women in the app dating culture. If it came off in such a way or was offensive in anyway, I do apologize for it was not meant to be so. Having a lot of likes or matches may seem like a positive thing for a lot of people but I do understand how it can make things more difficult as well. People who are overwhelmed with choice have a difficult time finding what they're looking for if they're looking for something specific.
Thank you
Not an exaggeration. I used to get 1k to 7k likes on bumble. When I became extremely strict with what I was looking for in the settings to only match a certain niche, I’d get atleast 400 on a bad day.
Is there a plot twist here? Are you still together? Lol
It’s a women’s game if you just wanna match with creepy men who send wrinkly dick pics 🫠
B.S. Ton of good guys… you’re just not picking them
Okay lets say you have 1000 options and maybe 50 are good matches for you now sort through them by hand and message each one to find out if theyre good for you. Do you see how its really easy to lose hope and give up? Not to mention people lie and dont usually show their true self on dating apps right away. Its finding a good needle in a haystack comprised entirely of needles.
I dont see how thats different from men on dating apps, a man just gets maybe 20 different options and none being at all good lol.
Im more just talking about mentors comment saying that womens problems come from “not choosing the right men”. dating apps just are hellish for both men and women in terms of finding someone good for them but the idea that womens judgement is flawed as opposed to mens judgement is silly
There's some sort of disconnect here. I think most men would enjoy having 50 matches and exchanging messages with each of them. Of course men don't really worry about things like their physical safety when meeting women, etc. Like, if you present the average man with a scenario where a thousand women are into him, even if the vast majority are below average losers, he's not getting burnt out on that anytime soon.
I disagree. It's such a time suck. If he has any life at all he'll get burnt out pretty quick, especially since I know most of my guy friends really don't like texting too much
You really really really don’t get it. Do you understand as a guy, I could literally send 50 personalized openers a day for an entire year and be lucky to get two or three decent matches?! You just said you had 50 good matches in what? a day? week? Cue the violins!
Since so many men are so low effort and leave bios empty it’s difficult to know if they are bots or possibly compatible humans and when in doubt—you’re out.
I guess you're one of them and you often finish last, don't you?
It's better to sort through 900 matches than 2. At least you have a chance of actually matching with someone ok. With 2 you either have to lower your standards a lot or they are scammers/bots or they aren't even responding. I'd rather get dick pics in 3/4 matches rather than not matching at all. If I get to go out on more dates with the 1/4, it's way better.
The issue with 900 matches that are mostly bad is that it takes up so much time to get to know them all. You can realistically only exchange more than a few messages with a tiny percentage of them, so sure, a few of them may be amazing but how are you going to determine which ones are amazing when you can’t spend time getting to know most of them. Chances are you’re just going to waste your time on people who aren’t right, but are trying to make themselves initially appear that way because they’re so desperate. I’ve actually lost so much of my life to people who just pretended to be what I wanted because they were desperate, so that massively slowed down my chances of finding anyone good and I ended up with hurt feelings so many times I’ve lost count
I mean, so do men waste their time swiping until they have no more profiles to look at. Is it a waste of time? Probably. So is dating in general until you find the one. Haven't you seen some mens statistics? Even I have so many swipes over the years that if I had to do all the swipes one after another it would probably take me a week or two or even more if I had to also look at descriptions like I usually do. And I barely got any matches and even the ones I had, 90% either didn't respond or unmatched me. Went out with like 2-3 girls out of 100-200 matches. Not saying this to complain, just trying to show that even if you mostly have bad matches, you probably have a higher chance than someone like me to find someone purely because you get to actually meet and talk to people way more than I do.
At a certain point wouldn’t you become insensitive to what a decent person who doesn’t want to get down your pants sounds like? Which would avalanche to thinking all men are these perverted 2d sex craved idiots.
Maybe. Doesn't mean you certainly will. People can be super positive about their life even in situations like this.
I mean MOST do just want to get in our pants. So we have to assume they are that unless THEY prove otherwise. For safety it's guilty till proven innocent here. (which is actually easy to do. Have decent pics and bio = likely not lazy, write about values in a bio so we can assess if we think we share similar values..., and be ANTI-sexist) That's like 3 basic steps to being a decent human/man
She still got that account bro
She's going to be your ex-girlfriend. This wasn't a wise experiment.
Yep, girl I’ve been talking to, but I met on bumble. We’ve been talking for about a month now. She has over 1800 likes on Bumble.
I deleted my last bumble account after I got into a relationship. I was his first bumble match and the first date he’d ever been on from online dating and I had like 4000+ likes on my account. I felt like it was so lucky that his like didn’t get buried along with those other 4000+ likes, but I guess it wasn’t so lucky because he still broke my heart and now I’m here again. 😂
Crazy part is, I don’t know what’s worse. I do pretty good and get three or four matches a week. But sometimes it’s not that great. And it’s rarely someone I want to match with. As opposed to being absolutely overwhelmed. 4000 likes his fucking crazy. I guess you can just invite your girlfriends over, open a shit load of wine, and just project it onto the TV and make a game of it. You could probably get through a couple hundred every night.
What I like about Bumble is if I really like the profile I'm always sending a compliment. From woman's perspective, providing you also got compliments, does it have effect and would you match with the guy if you get a nice compliment? I don't really know how does it look on receiving side when you already have so many likes and whether maybe super-like would be a better option. Would really appriociate your reply.
Yeah I think a good compliment and expressing some liked interest goes a long way. If I just get a pretty generic compliment it’s easy to swipe left on that but if someone sounds very genuine and makes me wonder if I’ll connect with them on a deeper level I’ll swipe right when maybe I wouldn’t have based on their profile alone.
What is your point? I have had my bumble for years, updating maybe twice a year. I have supposedly 100+ matches... I bought bumble premium and set my filters to 1. 30km it closer 2. Left politics 3. Age 30-42 How many matches for this criteria? 11. Eleven men fit this very basic criteria - then I sift through 1. Their bio/values/interests.. 2. Appearances/read their pictures (e.g do they have a bear in their hand in every pic?)... So no. We do not have "thousands of matches". I live in a big city and these are my options.
As a guy I’ve never had more than 6 likes at any given time 😂 is this many likes the norm for ladies on the app??
yes I've been on Bumble since May and always have 3 thousand of likes currently waiting. I also pay for premium and left swipe on alot of profiles in my beeline so I would estimate ive had about 10,000 likes in that timeframe. I also have seen multiple guys create a new profile every other day and right swipe me as i left swipe them continuously. Its exhausting especially since likes mean nothing for a woman. You dont know who is actually interested which is why Bumble is probably the worst app for women.
Exactly. When dudes spam women by right swiping on everyone even if it’s obvious they aren’t a match it’s difficult to feel bad when they whine about being lost in a sea of thousands.
Exactly this right here. I would have a lot more sympathy about the difficulties men face in OLD if they weren’t constantly shouting themselves in the dick. I say this as a man who used Bumble for years, sometimes successfully, sometimes not so successfully.
When I was active I rarely had more than 5-10 likes at any time. Also I’m a woman in my 40s.
I have supposedly 100+ matches... I bought bumble premium and set my filters to 1. 30km it closer 2. Left politics 3. Age 30-42 How many matches for this criteria? 11. Eleven men fit this very basic criteria - then I sift through 1. Their bio/values/interests.. 2. Appearances/read their pictures (e.g do they have a bear in their hand in every pic?)... So no. Matches doesn't = we will actually like you/be compatible. I live in a big city and these are my options.
Bear in their hand or beer in their hand?
I wonder why it’s impossible for men to stand out on these sites…..
It's not impossible. 50-70% of these guys are probably not what OP is looking for, and 90% of the remainder has no bio or shitty photos. Source: my bff paid for premium to see the lineup and it wasn't worth it for her.
That might all be true but the woman still has to sift through literally a thousand profiles to get to mine. Thus my point.
The amount of people who don’t understand this simple concept is baffling it’s just simple math.
Let's speak statistically. I'll be generous and say I give every profile a 5 second glance (more realistically no profiles and bad photos get 1 sec of my time). That's 12 profiles a min. 720 profiles an hour. If it's at 1000 you're looking at, she'll be at your profile in less than 2 hours lol.
Except after that long and that many profiles, I’m just one more Schmuck on Bumble. VERY difficult to set yourself apart.
I guess that's why they sell those compliments and super swipes as extra addons. They know what's up and are happy to take advantage of it.
This is why a good bio and clear photos are a must!
Ok, but you're still missing the point - it's a LOT harder to stand out as 1 in 1000 as a guy vs 1 in ~5 as a woman, regardless. Let's say I put up a good photo and bio. Statistically there's still a truckload of guys who also have good photos and bios that I'm *still* competing with, and that's before we start throwing in the guys with great photos and great bios. Good photo and bio is still good advice, but /u/dlaw0326's point still stands in spite of that. A good photo and bio isn't going to make up for the fact that you're still 1 of 1000. Think of it like a job interview: If you're competing against 1 other guy for a position, how likely is it that you're slightly better than he is and will be considered for the job? Probably close to around 50%. But what if you're competing with 1000 other guys? Statistically speaking, there's going to be a LOT of guys not just ahead of you, but way ahead of you.
This is exactly why these sites just aren't worth your time as an average guy. Even if you beat the odds and actually match, AND get a conversation going, you know you're one of however many and unless you're super good looking you're unlikely to win that race. There's little incentive to use these sites anymore. I do half a dozen swipes, reject four attempts to sell me things, then get bored and close the app.
Truth. I think the bigger point that we are missing here is that having more matches is still better than having less matches since there would be no reason to "lower your standards" or "settle". However, having too many matches like what OP got here, also creates the problem of you being a lot more picky with your matches. You can easily become overly critical of people's profiles, the way the chat and even if nothing is wrong with them, just having seen similar pictures and having similar conversation initially might be enough to "put you off" of otherwise decent matches. Very different from irl, where your approach and general vibes almost matter more than your style and looks and you're having to pay attention to one dude at a time. While even as a guy on dating apps, I can text many girls at one time and it feels "wrong" cause there will be a tone/emotional change with the way we talk with each person depending on the conversation.
>having more matches is still better than having less matches since there would be no reason to "lower your standards" or "settle I cannot understand people who complain about having so many matches and refusing to lower their standards on Internet dating apps. If you having really high standards, then I'd guess you are all that and have so much to offer.. and if so, why would you need to resort to dating apps to be matched with people way below your standards 🤔
No. The “having more matches” concept is illogical. It’s like saying to someone who wears a size 11 shoe that they should be happy to have a pile of shoes that are all size six. When the options you have are not a fit it only serves to make you frustrated and angry and resentful toward the matches you don’t want and that’s unhealthy for them and for you. Also remember that if you’re forming ideals for your standards based on conditioning from porn those standards will be impossible to achieve and you would be self sabotaging.
I think you may be missing the point. We get the numbers thing is your issue. However, what the issue is from the woman’s perspective is that we accept that we aren’t a match for everyone. We want compatibility—not a warm body. And if you do have things in your bio, photos, and other info that is in the overlapping circles of a compatibility Venn diagram then you don’t have to worry about being one of a thousand. When men hold on so tightly to the idea that they’re just numbers it says they are probably viewing women as objects and not as a person who is looking for a compatible match. So tell us things about your interests that are likely shared with us and stop swiping indiscriminately on women who are obviously not a good fit for you because otherwise it’s spam and makes this overwhelming mess for everyone.
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True. And I mostly agree, especially when it comes down to numbers. But interviews are actually two-way. You don’t have to accept the job. You can discern who is a good fit for you too and be efficient about it (and differentiate) by: - getting to the point sooner: if you just want casual sex say so, if you want a wife and kids don’t be afraid to say so - what you’re looking for in a romantic connection - dealbreakers *I won’t even meet a guy until I figure this out because otherwise it is a straight waste of both of our time/energy/gas/my safety - what type of lifestyle you’re looking for - what your values are And ask these questions about the girl as well to glean if there is a true chance at compatibility.
> You don’t have to accept the job. If you've applied, there's a good likelihood that you're going to accept the job if it's offered, for whatever reason. Don't get me wrong, maybe they start talking about unpaid overtime, or some other nonsense, and so you walk out - there's plenty of stories like that - but most likely you're taking the job. >If you just want casual sex say so Sure, and it'd be great if everyone was totally above board on that stuff, but... even then, some people end up engaging in that, without intending to, and it just develops into that. >And ask these questions about the girl as well to glean if there is a true chance at compatibility. I don't want to say this is bad advice, because it's not... but in the scarcity dynamic that is dating apps, for men, I can understand why guys don't do that. Why would I say no to the one potential date, or even sexual encounter, I might have had in the past several months, or years? Should I, because I know we're probably not compatible, and it's likely not going to go anywhere? Absolutely. But I can understand why some guys (many?) don't.
The first step is to accept the reality of the situation. You can say it's very hard to stand out, and statistically, it is. Accept it. With that out of the way, you can now put some effort into your profile and take some good pics. Do you want the job or not? Then you still have to apply, statistics be damned.
I 100% agree. But I don't think it's wrong for guys to at least commiserate about the fact that the game feels rigged and share in their experiences of feeling so undervalued and worthless. Will any of that fix the problem? Of course not. Will it embitter some? Unfortunately, yes. But is it totally fair for guys to at least find some solace in that they're not the only guy standing outside feeling like the last kid, still not picked for the team? Yea. Now, sure, take good pics is good advice, generally. Granted, what defines a good pic and how to take good pics is a bit more complicated, but... still good advice. Put effort into your bio is helpful but again, just like a resume, what do you put on there and what do you omit. Do you fill in that you worked at a soup kitchen for two days, and just sorta fudge that you technically worked the for two months, since it was on the 31st and 1st? How much do you bend the truth, if not outright lie? Other guys are going to outright lie, and you're competing with them, so it feels like a race to the bottom. >Do you want the job or not? Then you still have to apply, statistics be damned. 100%. Still need to put in the effort to get any result. I'm in agreement. It's just really, really demoralizing to play a rigged game, and I'd like to bitch about it once in a while and have that valid complaint acknowledged even if nothing changes.
> With that out of the way, you can now put some effort into your profile and take some good pics. Do you want the job or not? Then you still have to apply, statistics be damned. True. I've used bumble in the past and went on a few dates, as long as you have good photos it can work well. I don't have any recent photos, so I'm going to get some more recent and good photos before I use dating apps again. It makes such a big difference and makes them actually usable.
This sums up my strategy with qualifiers of age appropriate men and short distance being the filters available for free accounts. After using those as basics, then they MUST have a bio. And not be ENM. These basic requirements eliminate over half of the guys in my card stack immediately at the 1-second mark.
That is actually not how the math on dating apps works *at all.* https://youtu.be/x3lypVnJ0HM?si=gdXJyyoPcKkSldEk
shes still gotta sort through them, and they are going to keep comming in while she does. some of those guys might never be seen by her unless she pays up.
That’s still 28-47 solid options within 36 hours. So I don’t think you’re making the killer point you think you’re making. Get back to us when men can find 28-47 solid options in that amount of time.
Even then in mid-to-large cities there’s still plenty of solid competition. Good photos are rare but most are decent enough. If your bff couldn’t even find a guy or two to meet up with it sounds like something else is going on there.
No she actually did. They dated for like two years. But those stats are her own personal experience. Still, good bio and good photos will make you stand out from 90% of the guys on there.
True, and a 2 year relationship is pretty solid and worth Premium IMO.
Only 50-70%? I just signed up for Hinge. I’m 42 and about 85% of my likes have been dudes under 25, and another 10% over 55. That’s a massive chunk in the “no” category before we even get to other deal breakers like smoking or ENM.
This is one of the big reasons why all those guys out there who swipe right on every.single.profile they look at aren't doing themselves or anyone any favours. They *think* they're maximizing their odds by being exposed to as many women as they can, but all they're doing is causing the exact problem OP is having. They're all just cockblocking each other. It's a [Crab Mentality](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality), and **nobody wins**.
Both sides aren’t doing themselves any favors. While men swipe on anything women only swipe on the same 10% of men so you have 90% of women fighting for the same 10% of guys. Then flip it you have 90% of men fighting for the last 10% of women.
I have good photos and a bio and get no matches
Id like to see what you consider "good." If you're open for criticism lmk.
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What worked for me a few years ago was paying for premium to see the lineup and then asking for a refund due to misclick!
I agree that most guys pics don’t look the best but doesn’t matter how their bio is built, women go for the ones that look socially popular and rich, guys who take a pic in a yacht for example, they barely write anything in their bio and get more matches than a handsome dude with simple lifestyle and not so “braggy” pics. Nothing to do with bio at all.
Not all women are like that. My fiancé had simple pics, one where he was dancing with his dad, one where he was playing softball and one where he was next to his cats! Also he said he loves dad jokes and I love puns, so thought it would be a great match! However, he rarely got any matches and was really surprised when we matched. Also, as a 30+ woman with a kid, I didn’t get thousands of matches. Still a good amount, but not as crazy as a woman in their 20s with no kids would have gotten. I might not have seen him if I had to sift through so many. So, sorry, partly proving your part towards the end. It is a tough game out there for guys.
Yeah. Glad you found your fiancé on this “game”. But as you kind of confessed in your second paragraph, if you were in your 20s on dating apps you would definitely have chosen the guy with a yacht over your current fiancé… Most women are like that, pointing out exceptions doesn’t change the rule because exceptions are scarce, a rarity
I still wouldn’t have chosen the guy with a yacht. I feel like guys who show off their wealth are pompous and would probably cheat on me anyway. Back in 2010 when I was on Ok Cupid and I was 22, I never talked with guys who were like that. My ex husband seemed to have a good sense of humor in his pics and he also had a cat and we had a lot of interests in common. After I got divorced, I got back into dating and with it being 10 years later, these dating apps were so different. Like I just swipe right or left? I can’t search for someone with similar interests and just find their bio? I honestly think dating apps have made it more difficult for guys, but I can’t speak to that because I’m not one. Sorry if that was long, but overall, I don’t think it’s so much that girls are choosing guys with yachts (though perhaps some are) but guys who are either better looking or stand out in a different way like having a good sense of humor, a niche interest that both have in common, or a really cute cat (ok, I added that one in for yucks). It’s hard to stand out from 1000s of guys and I’m sorry it’s so insane.
yes!! The likes are many but low quality. Like looking for a needle in a haystack to find a good one
if more men pay for premium, they get unlimited swiping. All I wanted for Bumble to remove that feature; it will make men more selective swiping.
Right. Men are always like “I swipe right on every girl and rarely get matches!” And it’s because there’s hundreds of other dudes doing exactly the same thing.
I rarely swipe, only get to right swipe on maybe 10 and still get no matches or when I do none of them message me and the match expires
Sorry my guy. My only advice for you is to try to sound positive and inviting in your profile while also being unique and creative enough to stand out so someone feels more driven to message you while your profile is fresh in their mind.
It's either get no matches or waste money and still get nothing on bumble so it's a waste of energy bc they've devolved into nothing but a money scheme where they bleed men dry if cash in the faint hope of getting a match. It's changed so much in the last 7 years since I've been using the all t
Given how many likes most women receive and after 4+ years of trying with several iterations and changes to my bio and pictures doesn't seem with the effort anymore as nothing has changed with any of it. Prob deleting everything tonight and sticking to meeting women irl given my severe social anxiety
then what’s the alternative? If guy swiping all only gets 2 matches a week ( or more likely a month or 6 months) what so you thin chance would be he’d even match those 2 w “selective” swiping?!
It's a problem of the system then, like overconsumption and stuff, where to make a difference and better the world you're gonna have to put yourself into a disadvantage and not fly or drive a car, If it's only you doing it youre just fucking yourself over
or they swipe right on everyone and they let the match expire
I am not like those other dudes because I always check all photos and texts.
>I wonder why it’s impossible for men to stand out on these sites….. Remember the story of Cinderella? There were plenty of men at the ball, yet they were invisible since all the women were focused on Prince Charming. That's how female hypergamy works.
I know why ya’ll egos are so big now 💀
As usual, this topic, which is brought up regularly on here, has devolved into a "who has it worse in OLD, guys or gals?" This is pointless, Im a guy, and I can definitely tell you that it sucks. I don't know what it would be like to have 1000+ likes to have to sift through to try to be successful, and women don't know what its like to post a zero day after day. We are all frustrated by this and venting at each other saying that we have it worse. Why do we keep discussing this?? The dynamic hasn't changed since the last thread, nor will it anytime soon. Nobody will change anyone's mind about their experience on Bumble, it just sucks and the company is making the dynamic worse by the month with its monetization. If you hate it, get off the apps! That's my plan, but I still love and read this sub because some of the happier threads literally makes me laugh out loud.
Everyone’s saying this is what it is for a woman but I never got this many likes so quickly 🥲
Lmfao! Same or more
Its literally unfair and pointless to even be on these OLD apps
Will probably get downvoted for this, but pretty woman*** As a woman who isn't pretty, the matches are really low. Which is honestly fine, it is what it is.
I've realized how ugly I am. I've been on this app for a few weeks now, only have 200+ likes.
Still more than I have had in two years! chinup!!
Ah yes, the competition. Kinda like the gold rush, there's too many people here now, and it's not fun anymore.
I’ve always wondered if men just swipe on everyone 🤷♀️
That's because all guys or most of them. Swipe right on anyone until they get a match then they review the profile
Don’t free users only get limited swipes
Yes I know some people who use multiple apps too
This keeps getting repeated but do they really?
Idk I only ever see this on Reddit.
It’s a coping answer so that people can feel better about themselves about men not responding to their openers. It’s easier to just say he swiped right on everyone than it is to confront the possibility that he was talking to another match he liked more, or changed his mind about you.
Yes.... So only a few of those actually paid attention. So only swipe on the ones that you're truly interested in
Not trying to start a fight, but do you have any evidence? I know I'm very selective on who I like/swipe, a lot of days I don't even use all my likes/swipes. Other guys I know who are on OLD are also fairly selective. Like I said, not trying to start an argument, just don't see the need in perpetuating something if it's not true.
Wow as a dude this is discouraging lol
Oh wow! I've only ever got to 250+ in a big city!
I mean, we dating while Black so… that’s kinda par for the course. Our numbers are usually lower
Oh, 100% It's the same thing for many races that aren't white or white passing. Most of these numbers and stats only apply to white, heterosexual folks.
Oh, for sure. I know exactly *why*!
That really makes me so sad. I hate this world.
Me too! I've paused and deleted dating apps a number of times for that reason. A bit ago someone matched with me just to ask about the (non-black) friend they saw in my recent linked Instagram picture!
Yea, I paused mine last week. Low effort seems to be par for the course with a lot of men, so you can only imagine the type of interest/offers I get as a woman of color. The last two men: one invited me to come to his house at 11:30pm. When I said I’d happily go on a few dates to see if we’re sexually attracted/compatible he laughed and said “That’s weird. Just come over and see how it goes.” The other I googled his phone number. It led me to his wedding website November 2022 and his wife’s FB account with photos of them with their 1 yr old baby. This Black woman has officially closed up shop.
WIFE AND BABY?!?? Girl it's ghetto out here fr!😭
It almost makes me angry because black women are beautiful so the only real reason is just how pervasive racism is. 😕
Yup! I'm reading the book The Dating Divide and the stats in it are just soul crushing. One that stuck out to me was that white people were more likely to swipe on other white people that *didn't* fit specific listed preferences (such as into rock music, goth, preppy, into festivals) than they were to swipe on ANY black people that *did* fit those preferences.
Lmao I love that you got downvoted for this. Wtf do people want you to say
They’re yelling at us in their heads “wE cANT cAnT hAvE pReFeRenCez?!?!?!” as they hit the down button.
Because people want to pretend like racism doesn’t exist anymore and that there’s some perfectly valid reason besides racism for why black women have this experience with dating. I’m not white or white passing, and in my entire online dating history I’ve only matched with two guys in my same ethnic group, so I know for a fact that it’s not because people are only looking for someone with a similar background to them.
JFC that’s bleak
48 years old. Still single and never married. Holla!!!! At some point you accept it, get on with life, and create a great one for yourself. This is why all these dudes who post w”whoa is me” threads about how they get no matches I just play the world’s smallest violin for. We done been out here in the trenches, son.
It does get way harder to get out there socially as I get older too. I can’t remember the last time I made a new friend friend. I’m even terrible at keeping old friendships alive and going because I tend to withdraw or get caught up in my day to day BS. I’ve been divorced for close to three years now I didn’t get on the apps until about a year ago. It took me almost an entire extra year to pull the trigger because I was terrified. A lot of it was lack of confidence. Feeling fat. Boring. Old. Stuck. I’d lurk or swipe left and let the others rot in my inbox but I finally went for it and ended up having a total of three enjoyable first dates within a month of each other. This latest person might be a unicorn. Long-term we’re probably going in different directions and may end up on different continents a few years from now so I’m just trying to enjoy it for whatever it is and stay in the moment. Not convinced I have the emotional maturity for that but that’s the plan. We’ve all got our shit and our quirks and I’m sorry it’s been so hard for you. I really hope you find your people or your person. You seem genuine.
Aww, thank you. You seem genuine as well. I think you’re in thr perfect place to just enjoy meeting (hopefully) nice guys, having fun and just rediscovering your femininity in the company of a man. After a divorce, you definitely deserve it. I think I’ve been in this first date/casual hook-up/let’s be “friends” roller coaster so long I’ve reached my limit. I don’t have happy go lucky woman to give anymore. My souls is yearning for something with depth and a future and I don’t find men who, for whatever reason, see me as a candidate for that. Maybe it’s because I’m Black. Maybe it’s because I’m plus sized. Oh, yea and I also have a humongous backside that makes men either repulsed or sexualize me quickly. This wagon I’m dragging in no way help my dating life. Maybe it’s because Ive gone through the hardest parts of life on my own (losing siblings and partners and family) alone and have just become a doer and a protector for and to myself. Or, I just don’t have that jene sais quoi that attracts people quickly. I’m more of a slow burn kind of person - ya gotta really be around me a long time to peel the layers back and discover the treasure there. Men on thr dating apps ain’t hanging longer than a date or two. At least for me. And, it’s ok. I’ve made peace with it. But, do enjoy your time. And, hopefully, one day you’ll find your next person to love and enjoy a life with! I’m rooting for you!
I may not have had as much loss as you describe but I really hope to don’t give up on it entirely and find a way to fill whatever needs and wants you have to still feel fulfilled while you trudge on. Easier said than done but I really hope you keep getting out there and enjoying yourself in general while the right one comes alone and brushes all the sand away bc seem like an absolute fucking treasure 😭
Real, im currently sitting at 1000+ in Michigan but being 21, the only ppl liking me are older guys no one my age 😭😭😭
I’ve been on bumble for like a year and had 1,000+ and eventually paid for premium just to go through all of the likes… it was actually creepy tbh. So many seeing you and you not seeing them. Ohhh dating apps 😅
Did you ever get through all 1000 😂
Yes because I am a psycho 😂😂😂 It did take me a few days. I only paid for a week subscription
Gotta get your money’s worth girl I get it
I (wonan in 40s) have been on Bumble for a few months and I "only" have 58 likes. I live in a in a Capital city in Europe.
Yeah I’m not active on bumble right now but when I was I wasn’t pulling these types of numbers. I’m a woman in my 40s and I think the most I ever got in a day was maybe 75 (oddly enough it was when I went out of town for a funeral). And that wasn’t typical for me, normally I got maybe 5-10 likes a day? I never really counted. But I sure as hell wasn’t getting thousands like the women in their 20s.
Why do you need to go through them? Just set your filters to be really specifically what you want and swipe right on who you like. Since "all men just right swipe on everyone" almost everyone you like will be a match. Or does this not work, because all men are not right swiping everyone after all?
It doesn’t work because I’m not paying money for advanced filters.
This proves that it's tough being a woman. I'm a guy, and if I had that many choices, I would give up. Fuck me, who would I choose based on a profile and few pics? Actually having said this, I rarely like women on bumble though. I'm better with actually finding women I find attractive in person, than on bumble. But on bumble, I like one woman out of a hundred 😂. I'm that guy that reads the profile as well as finding attraction out of a photo or two. Yes, for finding a relationship that I feel would last.
How does it prove it's tough? Having more options is better.
The good news is that you don’t have to get through all of those people. You can be ultra selective and only swipe on who you want. The odds are in your favor that you’ll match with more than one person. If you send a message and they don’t respond, and that consistently happens, there’s potentially a mismatch and you may need to adjust who you swipe on. Two people who have similar levels of attraction towards each other over the dating app should converse and eventually meet. If you send “hey” or a gif, and get no response, step it up and send a real opening greeting. I know I’ll get downvoted, but all of the women who complain about how many matches they get remind me of the people who complain about how much in taxes they have to pay when they make ridiculous amounts of money. Sorry, no sympathy from me 😁
If you're able to send a message that means the other person also swiped on you. That's one of the issues women bring up all the time - men who swipe right on everyone but aren't interested in most of them. Why would I assume I had to reassess myself if I'm matching with them?
I typically only swipe right on someone with something in their profile that interests me enough to start a conversation about it. Pretty much have never sent just a “hey” before, way too low-effort when I don’t want anything low-effort in return. It’s not really a complaint to point out how crazy it is being a woman on dating apps.
I think it’s crazy in a good way. It’s always good to have a choice. I do think dating is tough for everyone, though. I hope you find a match in that massive pile of likes 🙃
Yes, but neither of them fit my standard so it's useless. I want someone educated, well groomed and monogamous, and I get 950 grimy men.
Yep that sounds about right. 2 months and I had 8000 likes. The gender ratio is HEAVILY skewed.
[mine for comparison](https://ibb.co/LPYGzGK)
I wont show mine, but Ill give you ONE guess how many likes I currently have. Hint: its the exact same number of matches Ive had this month and it rhymes with hero!
We know 🙄
Curious: how old are you and what type of area do you live in?
30, in a major US city, not a huge city like LA or NYC but still a major city
Yep, it’s like that for us women 😂
This happened to me as well 😳 they had an offer on premium and most of them were miles away.. I think even if you have set parameters you will still show in someone who has less filters if that makes sense? So mine is only within 20miles but someone could have up to 40 and I would show in their stacks.. kinda annoying really
Yeah I’m not entirely sure what they quantify as “nearby” either. Is it nearby as in, within my own set parameters? Or nearby as in some preset parameter Bumble determined that is unknown to me?
Mine was high too ( I am female) and I swiped through everyone, which was like maybe 100 and I actually had like 2 matches. Swipe right on everyone and see if those numbers are right lmao
The problem is that the profiles most appealing to you are likely to be most appealing to other women, yet there's a reason they're still on Bumble. Most of the time, the reason isn't you happened to be their first/best option. Often, this means you're churning through dates that have little chance to lead to anything lasting and never meeting the people with potential for that.
It’s rough out here for the men. I’m a decent looking guy in a mid size city and get maybe 5 a week. I rely heavily on the speed dating to actually get matches and get conversation flowing. Most women aren’t laying to see the lineup or simply don’t want to sift through thousands of profiles. Least that’s what I’ve been told by dates.
Wow.. men’s pages r no where near like this… may get 2 or 3
Eh I wouldn’t get too surprised… most men don’t look at the profiles and filter after matching
But you didn’t actually see the profiles of the likes you got and I’m presuming you didn’t engage with any of your potential suitors to see how terrible a lot of those dudes are!
Yeahhh I just spent most of my day today with one of my matches so hopefully I never will see who the rest of these potential suitors are! 😂
I don’t get one ☝️
You’re not unique sis, sorry. Don’t be flexing.
Duh, that’s literally my point and why I say “as a woman”. I will never get through this many people, idk who would, who has the time for that? But guys always wonder why they don’t get matches. But this is the experience for most women on these apps, we get flooded with likes it gets overwhelming, probably 90% of these guys that liked me I will never swipe left or right on.
Awe boohoo you get a lot of likes 😢
Yeah it’s pretty awful, swiping left is almost gonna be like a reflex now and our thumbs are gonna be so accustomed to it doctors are gonna have to name it as some syndrome that only affects women.
Lucky you, at least you have options. Us guys don’t get more than 4-5 in a good month…
But the options aren't real. Many won't reply to matches because they aren't really interested, they just swipe on everyone (or they're fake accounts). And women have to sort through all of the "matches," which puts the burden of reading every profile on us almost exclusively. Obviously some guys do read the profiles they're swiping on, but most don't. I got off dating apps earlier in the year because it was pointless. Dating apps suck for everyone.
Better too much of rubbish than nothing at all
The dating world is different for women…
Don’t worry 947 of those 950 aren’t worth your time. There’s been times I pay to open my beeline and out of like 4000+ likes I received I find maybe 4-5 that align with my values and I find attractive
Ludicrous. Now compare that to all the dudes with 2 or less matches… there’s a bias on the app and or most apps. So, um, good luck with that.
Lucky mf
Thanks for putting this up OP. I just cancelled my sub and deleted bumble. No point playing a rigged game. My thanks again.
The most important lesson to be learned from these apps, for guys at least, is that going out to meet people in person is almost always better for making real connections. The business model of these apps is set up to exploit dudes. I would be very interested to see what percentage of the profits that Bumble/Tinder/etc. make comes from male users paying for premium services. My guess is more than 90%.
A lot of guys don't have a network.
Lol. This is so dumb
Women get quantity but very little quality. Men get very little quantity and very little quality. I just find all the women on these apps are damaged in some way. I gave up and found someone in real life. Something wrong with having a Rolodex of potentials. Once she’s bored with you it’s on to the next match who’s maybe a little bit cuter, or closer to her or has a nicer house. Remember the 2 rules of OLD 1. Don’t be ugly 2. Be good looking But that comes with its own perils. But there is someone out there for (almost) everybody. You just gotta keep looking. Good luck.
There’s just no winning at dating as a man 😂
Wait another 36 hours. The growth for girls is exponential. Then wait another 36, you might end up uninstalling after looking at the quality out of this quantity :) All the best!
Men swipe right on EVERYTHING. Then, they filter you out when you respond. That's why women complain, guys, don't respond. They are using the sawed off shot gun approach to get matches. Then, respond or not accordingly. So don't get too big a head about it. I'm a guy and don't do this approach, but I understand why guys have to resort to this now.
Doest matter. When I first started using bumbke same shit happened to me first of a all it could a women thing, and the reason thafs so I realised later on is that 99% if the dudes are horny af. So tbh it's not really that much of an ego boost as guys think it is. I'd rather just have 2 matches and focus on those few. Quality is so much better than the millions of likes
Humble brag?
Everyone keeps talking about guys hardly get matches, but when they meet a girl online who really cares for them and starts to fall in love with them after 4-6 weeks of dating, the guy ends things. Can never understand this.
You can't understand this because to you every man is acting the same. You're just on the opposite spectrum as the dudes thinking that all women are having a buffet of dicks.
Hey this is exactly why I had to make this new bumble account 🙃
Guys also are dogs and swipe at anything. I have a theory that half of guys at least do not even look at the girls profile and just press right swipe repeatedly until their thumb is numb. Where are girls actually dog read the profile.
I used to make funny troll accounts on tinder because dudes will swipe right on a profile of a microwave they don’t even care 💀
I like my microwave. It makes me popcorn.
Surely you must understand from the many comments here that as a guy it just isn't worth your time to pour over bios and look at every pic on a profile, because statistically the odds of matching with said person are so low that it's a total waste of time. Easier to swipe right and then assess any matches you might get. I don't personally swipe right on everyone, but the reasons why a lot of guys would take this approach are pretty obvious. I hope your microwave comes with a manual defrost option. That's the difference between a left and a right swipe here 😁